We're in for what I trust is going to be a fabulous time in our study of God's word both this morning and next week. And I thought that as a gift to my wife on Mother's Day these next two weeks, I thought what I would do is I would talk about being a godly wife and a godly husband. And I have saved the role of a godly husband for next weekend because that's the gift I want to give to the moms is instruction to the dads on being a godly husband. and I'll give you ladies kind of a little advance heads up kind of a thing will go through the godly wife this morning and I just so you know I know that the context of this church we know what the Bible teaches on an essential level and even somewhat on a mature level with a proper understanding of what God expects of husbands and wives So it is not my intention to just kind of go back through the same text that we've done multiple times. I want to talk this morning and next week to women and men of God who understand the basics of what God expects of us as a husband and wife. And I want to talk to you about bringing it to the next level. I want to talk to you about as a mature woman of God, how to focus your attention on being all the more a Christ honoring woman of God and wife to your husband and mother to your children. And next week I want to do the same thing for men. I don't want to just talk to you about you need to love your wife. And I'm not going to just talk to you about the basics of it. I want to talk to you about how to get more skillful at it. So hopefully this week and next will be a really good time in the study of God's word from a practical level of looking at the kinds of things you can focus on when you know what you're supposed to do how can you then continue to get better at it and so that'll be the the goal of this week and next week study will start by looking at the keys to being a really godly wife And this is, again, this is, there are some basic instructions that we have here, but if you want some more of the evidences that prove the case for submission and those kinds of things, you can, you can, I think you can get on the website. At some point I'm sure we've covered that in the past and it's been uploaded. If not, we'll see about taking care of that. But in the meantime, for this morning I want to talk to you about the keys to being an even more godly wife and so there is a little bit of assumption on my part here this morning and that is that I'm convinced that if you're listening to me right now whether you're here with us this morning or you're here at home listening or driving in your car in some faraway land the fact of the matter is if you're listening to me at this point my expectation or assumption is that you do believe in Christ and you do want to honor him with your life and you do have a basic agreement with what the Bible says the role of men and the role of women is and you want to be better at it and so with that in mind I want to start by by stepping back and taking a look at God's design for marriage It's interesting to me that when you consider the creative acts of God, especially when you start to look into the details of the very fabric of creation, and this is really found in any part of creation, but when you look at creation itself, not in its entirety, but even down to the nuts and bolts of the details of the substance of the different nuances of creation, it is impossible not to see the wisdom and the grandeur and the power and the purpose behind God's perfect designs for every aspect of this creation. I have recently read a history on the roots and the foundation of Princeton Theological Seminary and as a result it kind of provoked me to say you know what I've never really read is Charles Hodges three volume systematic so I've kind of taken that as my personal devotions for the next couple of months that I want to read through the whole of Hodges systematic theology. and as I was going through the doctrine of God there was a section in there that I thought he did such a spectacular job at talking about the examination of creation and really seeing the evidences of God being the ultimate design and having a purpose behind it and so by just by way of introduction Let me read to you a page from Hodge's Systematic Theology. He's in the context of talking about the evidences of design that are present in the world. He starts by saying this is a boundless subject, but then he picks a number of aspects of creation, whether we're talking about body parts or the universe itself. As you begin to look at the details of the wisdom and the knowledge and understanding that's on display in God's creation, you cannot help but appreciate his grand design and intention behind everything. When he talks about God's design of single organs in the human body, this is what he says, and I'm quoting now, no work of human art can compare with the nicety and completeness of the separate organs of organized bodies for the purpose for which they are designed. In the eye, for example, now he's talking about the human eye, now listen to this, in the human eye there is the most perfect optical instrument constructed in accordance with the hidden laws of light. We find there the only nerve in the body susceptible of the impressions of light and color. That nerve is spread out on the retina. The light is admitted through an orifice in the ball which, opening by the most delicate arrangement of muscles, is enlarged or contracted according to the degree of light which falls on the retina, which enlargement or contraction is not dependent upon the human will but on the stimulus of the light itself. Light, however, merely passing through an orifice would make no image of the object from which it was reflected. It is therefore necessary that that light is made to pass through lenses perfect in form so as to refract the rays as to bring them to a proper focus on the retina. And if the inner chamber of the eye were white, it would so reflect the rays entering the pupil at every angle as to render vision impossible. That chamber and that chamber alone is lined with a black pigment. By a delicate muscular arrangement, the eye is enabled to adapt itself to the distance of external objects so that the proper focus may be preserved. These are but a small part of the wonders exhibited by this single organ of the body. This organ was fashioned in the darkness of the womb, with a self-evident reference to the nature and properties of light, of which the Creator, for whose use it was fashioned, had neither knowledge nor experience. If the eye, therefore, does not indicate the intelligent adaptation of means to an end, no such adaptation can be found in any work of human ingenuity." And what's really fascinating is if you look at the intricacies of the way God has constructed the eye, he has made it perfectly to function as a means by which light is bounced off of the objects around us and rendered to our mind in such a way as we can get a picture of the actual objects, including colors of the things around us. But here's where Hodge is stopping here because he's seeking to prove the existence of God from the nuances of creation. For our sake, I want to take you one step further. How many eyes do you have? You have two eyes. Now, let me ask you a question. Your two eyes, are they both eyes? Not a trick question. Are they both eyes? yes so the eyes have it okay so they're both eyes do they both do the same thing yes they do however you have one on the right side of your head one on the left side of your head and what do they do they pick up the information and the amazing thing about the way God has created us is that as you look out with both of your eyes There is an overlapping impact as the light bounces off and comes into both eyes and both eyes adjust to it. There is in your mind an overlaying of the perspective of those images. so that you get a balanced view. You get a balanced and complete perspective of the things that are in front of you. In fact, the older you get, the more you start to realize that you have one eye that is dominant and the other one tends to follow. You also find that you have one eye that you tend to rely on for things that are what? Close up and another eye you tend to rely upon for things that are far away and it is that balancing of those two Perspectives that give us not only a clear picture whether things are close up or far away It's also the fact that we have two eyes working together in tandem that provide for us things like depth perception and When I was in the sixth grade, or seventh, I think it's sixth grade, or whatever, sixth or seventh grade, I was, yes, still 5'6", but I got hit in the eye with a rock, and so I was blinded in one eye for months, and I even had a patch over it for a while, and you never realize how much you depend on both eyes working as when you lose one of them. And I'm here to tell you, you know, you trip on things, you can see it, but being able to judge how far away is provided by the depth perception of two eyes working together. I would suggest to you that that is not only evidence of God's grand design and purpose in the function of the eyes, I would suggest to you that that is a good parallel in some respects for what God's grand design was for marriage to begin with. You know, when you look at what God designed marriage to be, He designed the husband-wife relationship to be a one flesh relationship where both members of that relationship were equal of importance as persons. and yet distinct in function, some of it overlapping and some of it compensating for perspective, for deficiencies and weaknesses, and the whole of it strengthened because the two are working in conjunction with one another. And that is what I would like you to help, I'd like to help you to see and indeed to really focus your attention on working on over the course of these next two weekends. What we want to do is we want to look very deliberately at the roles of husbands and wives, specifically by suggesting how we can really develop in becoming even more godly and even more mature as men and women of God who understand already and agree already with the basics that scripture calls for as God's kind of husband and God's kind of wife. And this morning we will start with the keys to being an exemplary godly wife. and as we look at these keys you'll notice that many of the scriptures fit right in line with stuff we already know but hopefully as we work through this it will provoke your appreciation of what your role and function is even more so that we work all the more faithfully and successfully together in order to be the kind of couple God wants us to be. Now we'll start by looking at the first key of becoming an even more godly mother and wife by taking a look at being first of all a skillful helper of your husband if you're taking notes the first point the first key to being a really godly wife is number one to be a skillful helper of your husband a skillful helper of your husband Now if you take your Bibles, just by way of a place to start, and look at Genesis chapter 2 with me for just a moment, I want you to notice that by definition, as a woman, this is who you were created to be. You were created to be a helper to your husband. In Genesis chapter 2, we're told that the Lord God said, it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him now if we step back for just a minute I want you to to to recognize one thing here if you go back keep your finger here in Genesis 2 jump back to Genesis 1 for just a minute look at verse 26 during creation week now I know you already know this but sometimes it's necessary to emphasize these things just so we're all on the same page in Genesis 1 in verse 26 we're told When God created mankind, when he created the man Adam and he created then his wife, he created both of them on that same day, the sixth day of creation. verse twenty six of Genesis one we're told God said let us make man in our image according to our likeness let them rule over the fish of the sea over the birds of the sky over the cattle and over all the earth and over every creeping thing the creeps on the earth so God created man in his own image in the image of God he created him what male and female he created them and then a verse twenty eight we're told God blessed whom them Both of them, both the man and the woman are created on day 6 of creation. Now if you go to Genesis chapter 2 you will notice that they were separate acts of creation. What God did first was He took a pile of dirt, fashioned it into the man, breathed into the nostrils of that now man fashioned out of dirt the breath of life and man became a living soul. That's the creation of man. But if you'll jump ahead now to our verse, Genesis 2 and verse 18, and what Genesis 2 is, by the way, it's going back and revisiting more of the details that took place on day 6. It's not a separate event. It's like a good news story. you go through all the highlights then you go back and you pick up some of the details of one of the aspects of the story that's essentially what we have here in Genesis chapter 2 the details of God creating man out of dust to the ground and then in verse 18 he's created everything all the living creatures and man but he hasn't created the woman yet and he says in verse 18 it's the Lord God that says it's not good for the man to be alone it's not good for him to be just himself I will make him an ezer kinigdo for him, a helper suitable for him. I'm going to make a helper for him and a helper for him that is suitable. Now this is probably, it's probably not the best translation into English because of how much we read into these terms. It's a correct translation. The term suitable, It doesn't just mean something that's fitting. I mean, it's the idea of something that's the perfect compliment. You know, it's not the throw in. It's not the icing on the cake, so to speak, unless you're me, in which case the only reason cake exists is to hold icing. But some people look at the creation of woman as though it's like an afterthought. It's the saucer for your cup of coffee. You can make do without it, but it's really nice to be there to hold all the dripping so there's not a mess on the table. That's not it. It's not good for the man to be alone. What he needs is someone else, also created in the image of God, that's his ontological equal, that is the perfect complement for him. Someone to balance him, someone to make him complete. You follow me? The woman is not lesser in importance. She is not lesser in her faculties or her abilities. She is distinct. She is made to be the perfect complement. Now her role, her function is different. His role is to be head. Her role is to be what? Helper. Now when we look at that word helper, At least in America today, I think we generally tend to look at helper as somebody that works for you, somebody that you're lackey, you know, the cook's assistant. somebody that's like an intern, somebody that's like an apprentice, somebody that's there to hold your tools and run and get you the hammer, somebody that's there to just clean up the mess because the real workman is doing his job. It's like there's the surgeon and then there's all the attendants and the nurses and whatnot and they do all the tedious work and he just does the really important stuff. Okay, that is a very, very poor, poor parallel. In fact, it's not only inadequate, it's wrong. The idea of a helper is the idea of one who assists, and that doesn't mean you're lesser if you're the one assisting. I find it humorous that in our arrogant, prideful mentality that we have changed, that we have taken the sense of the one who gives the help to someone who needs assistance and made that the lesser role than the person who needed help. If you need help, then typically what? You're not able to do it on your own, you follow me? You know what's really interesting? You know the number one helper in the Bible? You know the number one helper in the Bible? Now we all know who the number one head in the Bible is, right? Oh, that's God. And the head of the church is Christ. And husbands are to be the head of their household as Christ is the head of the church. Yes, we're to be like Christ. Do you realize that when God says that wives are to be helpers to their husbands, that the call is for you to be like God too? You know the number one helper in the Bible is God? I'm not going to take time to prove this, but I just want you to get your mind around this. If you really want to be a more godly wife, okay? And again, I know I'm talking to people that are trying to embrace the idea of submission. I know I'm talking to women who are trying to respect their husbands and their authority and honor God in that household. When you get the basics of that down, you want to really ratchet it up to the next level, you want to know what you need to embrace, Stop worrying about whether you're submitting or not so much. Stop beating yourself up and challenging yourself just on that area, and start really trying to hone your skills at being that perfect complementary helper of your husband. Apply your faculties to thinking about, how can I help him more? How can I be more to him of what I'm supposed to be? I'm not, now hear me ladies, I am not here to call you to repentance. The scriptures will do that if it's necessary. I'm here to tell you, if you really are already trying to be God's kind of wife, you want to know how to ratchet it up, start spending energies not just focusing on the places where you're blowing it, start spending your energies focusing on how could I get better at being who I'm supposed to be. you follow what I'm saying I find I find the greatest way to short circuit your ability to progress in a Christian life no matter who you are is when as a as a mature believer or even the beginnings of a mature believer when when all you're focusing on is your shortcomings and your failures and the way that you're doing it wrong once you recognize that you're wrong and where you're wrong and you're trying to repent to that okay if all you do is focus on that put off side of it you will never progress you're gonna spend a lot of time miserable and a lot of time thinking of yourself as a failure and a lot of time really in the you'll allow me to borrow from a an old work from this in the slew of the spawn discouraged and miserable and unhappy and defeated If you really want to start to progress, focus at least as much on the put-on side as you do on the put-off side. Embrace what it really means to be a helper. In fact, if you'll take your Bibles with me, and you can keep your finger here in Genesis 2, but look at Psalms, and I won't go through all of these, but I have a few in particular I want you to look at. Look at Psalm 10. Psalm 10. Now start to catalog in your mind the way that God describes or the way that God is described as a helper here. Psalm 10. We'll just skip down to verse 12. Arise, O Lord, O God, lift up your hand. Do not forget the afflicted. Why has the wicked spurned God? He has said to himself, you will not require it. In other words, you'll not hold them accountable to their wickedness and the way they're assaulting us. You have seen it, O God, for you have beheld mischief and vexation to take it into your hand. The unfortunate commits himself to you. You have been the what? Helper of the orphan. And notice what the help looks like. He's not the lackey of the orphan. He is the one who breaks the arm of the wicked and the evildoer, seeks out his wickedness until he finds none. The Lord is king forever and ever. Nations have perished from his land. Oh, Lord, you have heard the desire of the humble. You strengthen their heart. You incline your ear to vindicate the orphan, the impressed, so that man who is of the earth will no longer cause terror. You take action on behalf of the orphan. That's the kind of help that he renders. where there is need of assistance he provides it and it is God's strong hand that provides this assistance the idea of an ezer the idea of a helper in the Bible is not someone who is weak it's not someone who is lesser it is applied to God who is sovereign in fact God who is able to help those who need his assistance Proverbs chapter 30 excuse me I said they're wrong. Proverbs, or not Proverbs, that's where it is, it's Psalm 30. So I got Proverbs 31 on my mind. Alright, Psalm 30. This is a Psalm of David. Psalm 30, we'll start in verse 10. This is David's plea. He says, Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me. O Lord, be my heiser, be my helper. See, the idea of a helper is someone who assists, someone who comes to the aid, someone who applies real strength to be able to help facilitate something or accomplish something. When you need an aid there, you need someone to assist, not someone to clean up after you, not someone to just do the dirty jobs so that I'm not taken away from the things that are important. you need someone who really is a compliment someone who really can bring wonderful things to the table notice that David even asked God to be his helper and notice that God is not offended to help his people and in God's case he is stepping down from on high to assist those who need help is he not Did Christ not come from his throne and glory in order to help us? We who were like sheep without a shepherd. We who strayed constantly and needed a savior. He came to our aid and helped us, saved us, rescued us. The helper only becomes a lesser role when you think of a helper as a cook's assistant or the assistant to the chief bottle washer. The guy that's just there, you know, holding the tool. I remember as a little kid, my dad did lots of work around the house, did lots of construction, I mean, remodeling and everything else. And even when he retired, the first thing he did was, and tell me if you've ever heard anybody do this, he put a basement under his house. Now that's a project. So I remember as a kid, I was always my dad's little helper. Right? And we think of Santa as a little helper. And yet, what are you? You're just the guy that hands dad the tools. He says, give me the screwdriver. No, the Phillips head screwdriver. No, that one's a flathead, son, the Phillips head. No, that's also a flathead. Well, it has a yellow handle. Yes, we're talking, see, that's the way we think of helper, isn't it? Tell me, all in favor of honesty in church? Okay, almost everybody, right? Everybody but Harry. When you think of a helper, what do you think of? Somebody that's a lesser. Biblically, it's not someone that's lesser. Biblically speaking, when it's used to refer to God, He's not lesser in any way, shape, or form. In fact, His people depend upon Him. His people cannot exist without Him. He is the one who provides the strength, the enablement, the rescue, etc. When you're trying to be a godly wife, it's just as much about being like God as being a godly husband, as being like Christ. It's just a different role. It's just a different function. It's not the function of headship now. It's the function of helping. You really want to start to progress in being a godly wife when you know the basics and you're starting to put them into practice. Start focusing on how to really be a helper of your husband like God is a helper to his people. Psalm 54 verse 4 David says this behold God is my helper the Lord is the what sustainer of my soul he will recompense the evil to my foes you will destroy them in your faithfulness willingly I will sacrifice to you I will give thanks to your name oh Lord for it is good for he has delivered me from all trouble and my eye has looked with satisfaction on my enemies Psalm 54 describes God as David's helper and it is not the lesser role in this case it is clearly the greater role and it is a practical role it is a role of enablement of assistance of deliverance of help Psalm 89, we'll make this the last one, but Psalm 89. Let's just pick up in verse 19, and we won't go through all of this, but just listen to some of these. Psalm 89, verse 19. Once you spoke in vision to your godly ones and said, I have given help to the one who is mighty. I have exalted one chosen from the people. And he's referring to David here. And listen to the way he helped him. Verse 20, I have found David my servant, with my holy oil I anointed him. with whom my hand will be established, my arm also will strengthen him. The enemy will not deceive him, nor the son of wickedness afflict him, but I will crush his adversaries before him and strike those who hate him. My faithfulness and my loving kindness will be with him, and in my name his horn will be exalted." And on and on it goes. He is talking about being the very means by which David accomplishes any and all the things that David accomplishes. When you want to talk about a helper from a biblical perspective, we're not talking about an assistant. We're not talking about an administrator. We're not talking about the secretary in the traditional sense of the term. We're talking about somebody who is actually able to bring a lot to the table and assist the two together accomplishing what God intends that household to do and to be. The reason, according to Psalm 89, that David was great is because God is the one who helped him. And frankly, the reason many husbands are great is because of the wife that helps them. I want you to look now at the text that we read earlier, Proverbs 31, and I want you to go ahead and turn there, and there's just a few verses I want to pull some things out. I want you to notice how many ways this proverbs 31 woman helps her husband how her strength how her effort how her work is not only noble in the sight of God but actually helpful and beneficial to her husband and to her household this is the excellent wife doing her part in this relationship to really facilitate them as a couple glorifying God Proverbs 31 verses 11 and 12. For the excellent wife, the heart of her husband trusts in her and he has no lack of gain. She does him what good and not evil all the days of her life. She is actually looking for ways that her efforts and her energies can go to the benefit of her husband and her household. She does not have her own agenda. She's not working for herself. She is working for the benefit and the betterment of her husband and her household. Look at Proverbs 31 21. She is not afraid of the snow for her household for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She is. She works hard to make sure that everybody in her household is well taken care of. And it doesn't matter when the temperature changes. She knows that everybody's in their practical needs are provided for. You know what this means? The husband isn't having to worry about it. She is such an excellent manager and such an excellent worker. You know, to be a helper doesn't mean you're always the one just sitting there going, OK, what do I do now, dear? OK, what do you want now, dear? If you start to over-focus on the call to submit to the authority of your husband and think that you can't make any decisions on your own and I just need to just ask him everything and I can't have a will or I can't have a mind of my own or those kinds of things, you are gross misunderstanding and are failing to appreciate the power that you're supposed to bring to the table, the strength and the energy and the effort you're supposed to bring into the relationship in order to provide the ability for a one-flesh relationship to really honor God. That was verse 21. Verse 23, her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. Now if you stop here for just a minute, why does the husband's reputation in the gate, okay, why does that relate to the wife and her efforts? I'll tell you why. Because she is so exceptional at being the helper to her husband that the husband is able to fulfill responsibilities outside the house. She does such a noble, such an exemplary, such an excellent job that, you know, he's not all the time coming home and fixing everything. He's not all the time coming home and making all the decisions and having to have everything work out. now we're gonna talk next week guys about you not you needing to let go of some of the that monkish control of having to make every decision and decide what color the walls are and things like that and some of the things that really don't matter but for right now as far as the excellent wife goes her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land means that he is her her efforts as the compliment to her husband as the helper of her husband in her efforts. She is so diligent and so capable in the way she takes care of the home that he is able to be involved in things at a higher level outside the house. In fact in this case her husband is known in the gates is a reputation and he is recognized as an elder in the land it is it is her nobility as a wife that facilitates much of his respectability look at verse twenty seven She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. You know what the bread of idleness is? It's an expression that basically means she's not lazy. She really does work hard. It always tickles me when, you know, anytime you deal with a bank, whether you refinance or buy a car or whatever, you know what they always want? They want you to fill out your job application and all that stuff. And when we get to Kath, they always go, so what is your job? And she goes, I'm a wife and a mother. Yes, but what's your job? She says, I'm a wife and a mother. Some of them, they look upon that and they go like, that doesn't really count. And I can affirm, oh, it more than counts. Do you see all the things written down that I do? You want to know why all those things are on that list? Why I'm able to do all the things I can do? Because my wife has given herself to being an excellent wife and mother. It is a job. It is an effort. It is nobility. It is a faithful investment of your life. In fact, in my case, you do understand you see me up here all the time, and next weekend, you know, I'll be down at Grace, and if you live stream it or come down, a year from this year, Lord willing, we'll have two guys graduate. You come to the graduation ceremony, you'll see me up there in the fancy, silly robes and all that stuff. And everybody notices the guys, right? You know what nobody notices? There is, every year, isn't there, dear? There's a little section where the wives of all the professors sit. It's over in the corner. Nobody ever pays, nobody even notices them. Do you want to know the reason why we can invest in the next generation? You want to know the reason why I'm able to be up here even right now preaching and teaching? It's because I have an excellent wife at home that has made her life all about being a helper to me, working very diligently to come up with ways to facilitate how she can best run the household so there's minimal impact in my life and my schedule. Now, our situation and our life is different than yours, but I'm here to tell you there's at least as much eternal reward at stake in the product of our lives for her as there is for me, because I don't accomplish anything I'm accomplishing without her and all the sacrifices that she is making. And the same holds true in your household too, ladies. Your husband is able to do the things that he is doing, he is able to accomplish the things that he can accomplish, and you as a couple are able to glorify God in the way you glorify them when the two of you are working together and fulfilling your roles and functions. And if you really want to know how to, once you understand the basics of submitting to your husband, respecting his authority, and being the helper, If you really want to know how to ratchet it up once you got the basics down, give full attention to ways that you can be a better helper in a practical sense to your husband. Look at, we did verse 27, last two, verses 28 and 29. Her children rise up and bless her, and her husband also, and he praises her, saying, Many daughters have done nobly, but what? You excel them all. Because in time, you know what happens? Any husband worth his salt who has an excellent wife before too long begins to really recognize how great a gift he has in the wife that God has given him. and he really begins to appreciate her. Now, we're going to see next week that that's part of the key to loving leadership as opposed to tyranny, but I think you get the message at this point. If you really want to make real strides in becoming an even more godly wife, then be a skillful helper of your husband. It is frankly only human pride that makes the helping or support role less significant than the one who needs and receives the help to begin with. Make your life, ladies, about facilitating your husband's goals and objectives for glorifying God. Be like God and look for ways to even compensate for your husband's shortcomings weaknesses and failures Don't be chiefly the one who points out your your husband's mistakes be chiefly the one who compliments him in your relationship by compensating for those shortcomings and mistakes and when a mistake happens Instead of browbeating or bushwhacking him over it, look for ways to say, it's okay dear, I think we can still make this work. Be the complement of your husband. Take your Bibles and look back at Genesis chapter 2 with me now, you'll see this is very much what you were created to do and to be. And it is not a lesser role or function. Genesis 2 in verse 18 God said it is not good for the man to be alone Do you know that the entirety of creation week? There is only one thing that God says isn't good Everything else God says about his creation in Genesis chapter 1 is what God saw that it was good God saw that it was good six times God saw that it was good and But before he says, he looked at all that he had created and behold, it's very good. Before that, he creates man and says this, it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him an Aesir Conigdo, a helper that is the perfect complement to him in his role and function. You'll notice that how it happens here is that we're told in verse 19, that out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and he brought them to the man to see what he would call them. So this is the events of day six. Whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam, for the man, there was not found a Nazarecanigdo, a helper suitable for him. And so the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and the man slept. And then God took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. Now, for the record here, the word is not rib. The word is literally a piece of his side. People always go, well, that's a rib, see, because that's what you have here. Well, it doesn't actually say he opened it up and pulled out, but it says literally he pulled a chunk out of the man. You say, oh, yes, exactly. Why would he do that? Why doesn't he just get up? Is there not enough dirt in the garden? Why can't he just go to the pile next? No, no. God is very deliberate in what he does. Why does he put the man to sleep? Well, that's obvious. It's going to be a rather painful experience, so he puts him to sleep. Why does he put him to sleep and pull a chunk out of him instead of starting from a new pile of dirt? To show that we, men and women, are literally created not from just the same dirt by the same God, but from the very same material. We really are equal bearers of God's image, created from the very same substance. Woman was created out of man in order to show that we are ontologically equal even though our roles are distinct and we're economically subordinate. You say, what did you just say? Those are the fancy theological terms that mean when God made us, he made us ontologically equal, equal in our being. equal in our person and in our importance and yet economically or functionally distinct just like God is head and Christ is under him so to the husband is the head and the wife is the submissive helper they're both equally in God's image both equally important as persons both equal in our in our creation and even the very substance from which we were created we just have different roles we have different strengths and weaknesses in fact just like the human eye we talked about originally It's like the two eyes are both eyes and they can both see. The reality is they have different perspectives, do they not? And they're able to compensate for one another so that when they work together, If you have a lazy eye, you wind up with blurry vision a lot of times, right? When you have two eyes that work together, they balance each other out and you get depth perception, you get clarity of sight and vision, things are crystal clear. That's what marriage is supposed to be like. Notice the response of the man. Verse 22 The Lord fashioned into a woman the chunk which he had taken from the man and he brought her to the man and the man said this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. This is someone created from the same exact substance I have been. She is my equal. She shall be called woman. because she was taken out of man and we can get to talk about the etymology or the meaning of that word man and woman and taken out of man the fact of the matter is verse 24 you can see this is exactly what God's design was for marriage to begin with for this reason because of the way that God created us to be equal as persons and yet distinct in roles and function was so that we could be this kind of a one-flesh relationship. Verse 24, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, shall be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. We'll talk about that a lot more next week. And this is, gentlemen, one of the things you need to focus on very much if you want to take it to the next level as a godly man. The man and his wife were both naked and not ashamed. That is exactly the way God had designed marriage to be. One man, one woman, in a one flesh relationship, committed to each other, not just in staying married. Now hear me, it isn't just that you don't get divorced. and it isn't just that you figure out how to get along, it's that the two of you are in a one flesh relationship. That's not even just talking about intimacy. You know what it's talking about? The two of you actually are working together as if you were one flesh, as if you were one person seeking to accomplish God being glorified in your life and in your household. It's where you're getting on the same page. Your energies and your efforts are being expended in order to accomplish together God's glory. Number two, not just a skillful helper hopefully I I prompted your thinking a little bit to think about hey how could I be a more a better helper to my husband how how could I be more helpful how could I make my day less about figuring out the things when he gets home that he can do for me and more about the things that I do during the day and during the week what facilitates him being successful in what he's seeking to accomplish. But in addition to that, not just a skillful helper, but number two, a true respecter of your husband. This is the second key to becoming a more godly wife. Dedicate yourself not only to being a skillful helper of your husband, dedicate yourself to being a true respecter of your husband. You take your Bibles and turn now to Ephesians chapter 5. Ephesians 5. This incidentally is the very text that God used to help me many, many years ago for the very first time to recognize my own sin and my need of a Savior. But in Ephesians chapter 5, we'll skip down a little bit. We'll come back to this in more detail next week. But if you look down at Ephesians 5, we'll just take a look at starting in verse 28. And I want you to notice the complementary relationship and then what the role of a woman is in this context. Ephesians 5 verse 28 Husbands ought also to love their own wives as they love their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself because nobody ever hated his own flesh but he nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church because we are members of his body. Now if you stop there for a minute What God is saying through the pen of the Apostle Paul here is that as husbands the primary instruction, the first focus is that we need to love our wives and that love is the kind of a love that is practical and tangible. We're not talking about emotions, we're not talking about affections, we're not talking about intimacy here, we're talking about self-sacrificial action and real concern. If you've ever injured yourself, what do you do? What do you do, Brian, when you turn your ankle and tear up all your ligaments, right? Immediately you go see a doctor, you put it up, you ice it, you start with a cast, and then you move to a boot, you get a crutch, and you hobble around, and you walk on it to try to gingerly take care of it. And then when you're still trying to fulfill your role and responsibility of being a janitor here and you're supposed to wear your boot, you wear your boot for what, half of it? And then you take it off because your knees are starting to hurt. And so now to baby your knees a little bit, you start to hobble around and you take the boot off and it's just a shoe, right? And you take little breaks because you can hardly stand, right? Well, that's nourishing and cherishing your knees, your ankle, your back. Tell me, any of you guys do that? You go out to work in a yard, Bob, what do you do? Put gloves on. Why? Yeah, because thorns in a hand aren't a lot of fun. If you get a blister, what do you do? You cut the skin off, you put some stuff on it maybe, you take care of it, right? That's the way you take care. See what you want the scripture saying to husbands? You need to view your wife as part of your flesh. I need to be concerned about her in a very practical and tangible way, just like you are about your own body, because when you got married, she became an extension of you. She is not one under you who works for you. She is one who is equal to you that you need to treasure and nourish and cherish. Now, I'm not saying baby. I'm not saying cater to or pander. What I'm saying is you treat her as someone that's just as important as you. Someone that you're as concerned about her welfare as you are about your own. That's exactly the parallel that Paul is giving here. And notice he says, In verse 31, the reason for this is because this is what God designed marriage to be in the beginning. Notice how he goes all the way back to Genesis 2 now with his quote. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother, shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become what? One flesh. Why? Because when God created the eyes, he created them to be in a pair and working together, balancing each other out so that man would have the ability to see and to discern what's in front of him and do some fine things as well as see from a distance. And the two working together even provide things like depth perception. And when God created the pair and he created marriage, he created it to be a one-flesh relationship where the both are just as important as each other and yet there's a function together together they're accomplishing the glory of God now notice the summary statement in verse 33 each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as he loves himself and the wife must see to it that she what respects her husband. Now there's the key and we'll talk about this next week. The one who brings the love into the home is not the wife, it's the husband. The one who brings respect into the home is who? The wife. You see if you really want to work on being a more godly wife to your husband and glorify God even more maturely in the relationship with your husband than what you're doing now, then focus secondly not just on being a more skillful helper of your husband, focus on being a true respecter of your husband, his person and his authority. Who's the first one to go, yeah, your dad's wrong again? Is that you? Are you the one that undermines his authority and respectability in the household or with your friends and family? Or are you the one, even in the way you talk about your husband, whether he's there or not? Are you the one that demonstrates respect of him? By the way, the word respect there, if you were to look at this in the Greek, it's actually the word for fear, reverence, respect. It's a term that's often applied to the kind of respect that you give to God. It's the same attitude, the same idea that Peter talks about in 1 Peter 3 of being in submission to your husband and showing respect, like Sarah who called her husband Lord, addressed him as the one that was in authority. Are you one who demonstrates in the way you talk to your husband and the way you talk about your husband? Are you one that demonstrates respect? Are you one that demonstrates respect to your husband and to his authority even when you disagree? Are you the one that... It doesn't mean you have to agree with everything. Yeah, you know what? Your dad would rather have it this way. And although I can see your point, son, or your point, daughter, we're going to do it your dad's way. We're going to do it your dad's way, because that honors God, and your dad's trying to be faithful to God in the decision he's making, and we don't necessarily have to agree with it, but we do need to respect that authority. And you know your dad loves God, and he's trying to be obedient, and we just need to support that. First of all, we need to be thankful that he is trying to make decisions that honor God. Even if they wind up being more restrictive in what we do or don't do, then maybe what we think ought to be okay. And you know what, it's that very attitude that Peter's talking about in 1 Peter 3. Now you don't have to turn there, but let me remind you what Peter says. He says, You wives, be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior, or behavior with respect. The way you respect the authority even when you disagree is frankly the best means to get your husband to reconsider his position and maybe be a little more open to your thoughts. It's when you don't respect that authority, it's when you don't submit to it, it's when you're not affirming your respect of that authority that immediately turns it into contention. Sometimes it's the respectful, submissive attitude more than anything else that facilitates at least a godly man, encourages a godly man to step back and go, well, maybe I am being tyrannical here. Maybe I don't have to draw that line there. Maybe I am being selfish here. You think you have to fight for it. You know the best thing to do? Just dedicate yourself to respecting the authority of your husband in the sight of God, and manifesting that respect by your chaste and excellent behavior. And the next thing you know, if you have a godly husband, you know what he's going to start doing? He's going to start reevaluating the way he's exercising authority. He's going to be a lot more open to considering whether he's out of line, because instead of you sitting there, even if he's wrong, you get that? Did you hear what he said? Peter says, You wives be submissive to your own husband so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, even if their decision is not just wrong or stupid or not wise, it's disobedient to the word. You don't use their sin as your justification for compounding sin by sinning yourself. You use even their sin as the platform to show respect to authority and glorify God. I can't tell you how many times in my marriage Kath and I have gone toe-to-toe at things, and I will win. Even if I don't win, I will continue to contend until I do win, because I have that same competitive drive as anybody else. You know the quickest way for me to stop and just, to make me stop and just step back and consider all perspectives afresh? You know the quickest way to make that happen? It's every time Kath goes, well, okay dear, I'm not sure that's the best answer, but if that's what you want to do, that's what we'll do. And I walk out in the garage, that's right. And you know what happens in that garage? I start thinking back through and going, well, Lord, is this really them? Am I being selfish? Am I only thinking about me? hate my garage. You walk back and you go, you know what, dear? How about we talk about this? And now I'm actually going to listen to what she has to say. You know, none of you ever have any of those moments, do you? Now, see, Scott, you guys have such that perfect marriage. Kath, can you get them on our calendar? So I need some counsel. But see, we all do that, don't we? See, Bob's got that grin on his face, but Darlene has that, oh my word, I've got a lot of homework look on her face, right? Because we all work through this, don't we? You do understand where every contention, where every issue in a marriage comes from, don't you? It comes from the sin nature, it comes from our own sinful hearts. See, if we already know what the Bible says we need to submit to our husbands, we need to respect them and their authority, we need to be a helper. If you already know that and have embraced that and see all the ways you don't submit and see all the ways you don't respect and that, how do you really start to ratchet it up and get better at glorifying God in your marriage? Focus your attention on how to be who you're supposed to be, not just on the things that you're not measuring up to. Don't just focus on the put-offs. Spend your energy. I mean, you need to do the put-offs. I'm not saying don't repent. But you need to spend the lion's share of your energies in focusing on what those put-ons should be. And you know what? I have found the people in this church to be pretty intelligent. pretty creative, pretty industrious, pretty hardworking, and pretty able to come up with inventive solutions to things. Apply that creativity. Apply that energy to thinking about in your own marriage, in your own household, in your own relationships, how you can be a more helpful and respectful wife of your husband. And the last point I'm only going to mention here, because this is normally the one we spend all of our time on, and that is not only be a skillful helper and a true repenter of your husband, be a consistent submitter. you already know these instructions right? Ephesians 5 verse Twenty-two. Oops, that's Peter. Ephesians 5, 22. Now, you already know that. You already know you need to submit. You know what submission looks like. You know it's from that Greek word, hupotasso, which means to rank yourself under another's authority. But ranking yourself under another's authority doesn't mean you check your mind at the door. It doesn't mean you're not allowed to have an opinion. It doesn't mean you're not allowed to have a difference of opinion. You know, we can have different opinions and come to one mind. We do it as elders all the time. We have different views in the way that we can apply ourselves to this evangelism campaign, or to this practical outworking of that, or etc. And we can come to consensus without necessarily being of one mind. Same thing's true in a marriage. See, I know that the biblical pattern is that every room is painted cowboy blue and silver. Cat apparently doesn't think that's true. But you know what? I finally came to that point where I said, OK, you know what? What looks good? What do you think looks good? And instead of trying to always steer to what I wanted, I just tried to answer what I thought did or didn't look good. And you know what happened? Next thing you know, Cat starts asking me my opinion more and more and more. Next thing I know, we got a loft in cowboy colors. Booyah. I didn't even ask for it. She just said, well, how about we do that? It was all her idea. You know why it happened? Because I stopped trying to fight for what I wanted. Next thing I knew, I had a wife who was just trying to make me happy. You know, when your life is all about contending for yourself, you're going to find even when you get what you want, it's not going to satisfy. And when you start just trying to glorify God in your relationship, you know what you're going to find? All of a sudden, lots of stuff starts coming your way because you're not fighting. And when it comes, it's really, really cool. It's really, really cool. You want to know where all this contention, where the desire in your heart not to submit comes from? In fact, if you look a couple of pages over in Colossians 2 at the parallel text, listen to how Paul summarizes it with the Colossians. He says, Wives, be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. And husbands, love your wives and don't be embittered against them. You know what embittered means? So mad at them that there's disdain in your heart, you're having trouble in your relationship with them, you stop respecting them as persons. You start seeing them as a chore, as an enemy, instead of as the other half of your flesh. Why would Paul even say that? Because that's the nature of man right there. Where's all that come from? As we close, take your Bibles and go back to Genesis 3 with me for just a minute. One verse. verse 16 you want to know where all the contention all the conflicts in marriage ultimately come from it comes right from the original sin right from the original fall and God addresses the woman here in Genesis 3 and verse 16 and he says to her I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth In pain you will bring forth children, yet your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you. You stop right there. Is childbirth painful? Yes. Is that God's point to Eve here? No. It is not just about the physical distress, the physical suffering of giving birth that he's talking about. When the term childbirth is used in a context like this throughout the Old and New Testament, it's not just referring to the birth process itself. It's everything related to bringing children into this world and raising them up. In pain, in distress, in hardship, you will bring forth children. Tell me something. Is it easy to raise children with a sin nature? Is it easy to relate to children who are sinful and selfish and self-centered and self-serving just like we are? Because you've sinned, The very unique gift that you were given to be a wife and a mother has been compromised. So that now what was created to be the very source of your efforts and your joy in being the mother is going to be characterized by encompassed with pain. By the way, if you look down at verses 17 to 19, you'll see the same promises given to the man Because you rebelled against me, you're going to find a great lack of satisfaction in the work of your hands. And you're going to see your job many times as frustrating and futile. Why? Because when you rebelled against me, that's the nature of man and the nature of a sin-cursed and fallen world that you will be living in. And you'll also notice the second half, he says, your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you. You're going to continue to want to not be the helper and you're going to want to usurp his authority. You're going to want to control him, manipulate him, or take his throne. But you know what? He's going to fight you continually. We were made to be a man and a woman in a one flesh relationship, co-equal, functionally subordinate, and working together to glorify God in a joyful, wonderful, intimate fellowship relationship for all of our days. You want to know why we're not? Because we're sinners and we're selfish. You want to know how to undo that curse? Dedicate yourself to becoming really, really skillful at being the helper God made you to be. put into practice respecting your husband and looking for ways to demonstrate that respect and submit to his authority. Become more skillful at submitting to his authority. And by the way, submission is a lot easier when you're trying to be the helper instead of the head. You know what I mean? Instead of trying to figure out how to get it your way, if you actually dedicate yourself to trying to figure out how to do it his way, you know what will happen? you won't be having so many problems submitting. Marriage is like human eyes. God has created both distinct, and yet they're both eyes. They have strengths and weaknesses, they have blind spots, and when the two function together, they provide depth perception and clarity of sight. You may be sitting there thinking, well, I'm not married. I'm not a wife. How does this apply to me? Well, if you're a young lady, you know what to work on and who you need to become in order to be one who is ready to be a wife, right? If you're a young man, you know what you're really looking for in a wife. if you have a wife come back next week and I'll tell you how you can honor Christ and if you're a single lady you know the same principles still apply to you being a real helper in God's kingdom being a real respecter of those that God has ordained over you in authority and being a true submitter from the heart to those that are over you and make your life as an individual all about glorifying God the best of your ability and being truly a helper. And the difference is if you don't have a household of your own that you're responsible for you have the liberty then to be of help to other households. Father, thank you so very much for this day and for this church and for the women in it. And I pray that you will indeed encourage us in yourself that you do not have tyrannical expectations of us. Indeed, what you've given us is clear instructions on how to obey you and how to glorify you Many times we focus on the ways that your word confronts us in our sin. And while that is a good thing, the reality is we need to give just as much attention to thinking through who we're supposed to be and putting that on and working at being more skillful in being who you've called us to be rather than just thinking all the times about the person that we're not. So Lord, I do pray for the ladies of this church and for each household represented here that you will help us honor you in our marriage relationships. In Jesus name, amen.