God in heaven, Lord, please help us tonight as we look at more of your thoughts to us, specifically in this area of friendships. We want to understand your thoughts. We also want to do your thoughts. God help me as the person speaking to be able to present those things clearly so that we'll know what to do and how to proceed, Lord. I pray that each of us tonight would look at these truths from your word with a submittedness to your Holy Spirit's leading tonight. In Jesus' name, amen. So the question at the center tonight, you see the title B1, you'll understand that here in a moment, but the question at the center is, what makes a biblical friendship? Okay, what makes a biblical friendship? We've spent two weeks now working up to this. We've talked about or mentioned that phrase, biblical friendship, but haven't really delved into it as far as what the Bible says a biblical friendship is. By the way, isn't that a good place to go to find out what a biblical friendship is? Imagine that we'll go to the Bible to figure that out. Okay So here we are tonight the assignment that I sent home earlier today One the the first question that I want to ask you is why should we desire? To have a biblical friendship. Okay, that was one of the questions that came home to you What is your answer to that? Why should we desire to have a biblical friendship who would like to give some input on that? Armand to keep us on the straight and narrow. Okay. All right. Do you mind if I write that down? Okay. All right. All right. Anyone else? Yes, Leonard. To have fellowship with one another. Okay. Good. It's God's design. Okay. Who else has an idea? Yes. OK. If it's a biblical friendship, you know you're going to get truth from them. OK. All right. Who else? Yes, Harvey. Oh, yeah. Yeah, iron sharpens iron. Good. OK. We'll take one more. Yes, sir. Mm-hmm. Oh, that's good. All right. You're absconding with my title, but that's okay, because it fits. Jackie, can I ask you about your answer? Her answer was it's God's design. Could you elaborate on that? Okay, okay, so I will add that Those are, let me just say this, those are all absolutely correct answers. They're all good answers. They are all true answers, okay? Because friends do help keep us straight, biblical friends. They do provide fellowship for us. We get truth from, biblical truth from, biblical friendships. Iron does sharpen iron and God did design us to need friends Bill's gonna slide one more in here In the context of marriage, absolutely. Yes Harvey another one Absolutely, absolutely Now let me throw this out to you because all of those answers are absolutely correct. But I want us to begin to reshape our thinking when it comes to friendships. All of those are right answers. except this, and here's where we need to shift our way of thinking about friendships. All of those answers are having to do with us getting something from the friendship. Why should we desire biblical friendships? Well, we should want to get truth, we should want fellowship, we should want all of those things. Taylor, To do what? To do those things for someone else. Okay, there we go. Why should we desire biblical friendships? I want to take you back to Genesis chapter 1 verse 26 and 27. God said let us make man in our image and so in the image of God he made man in the image of the us in verse 26 in the image of the Trinity and and we spent some time I think on our first in our first lesson, talking about the Trinity, this perfect union, communion, friendship of God with the Holy Spirit and the Son, and He made us in that image. So, we should desire biblical friendships, first and foremost, so that we could accurately reflect the image of God. All of these things that we get are benefits that come with that. But our driving motivation, our perspective should be, in other words, why, if I were to tell you, I'd really like to have biblical friendships, and you asked me why, what should my answer be? Because I want to reflect the image of God. But it's probably not going to be my answer, OK? I'm going to say, well, because I'm lonely, because I feel like I need someone to hold me up when I'm having a bad day. And those are what our answers are generally going to be. The reason to desire biblical friendships is so that we could just reflect God better. So what are some things, thinking about that now, the next question was what are some things that we should do to foster these relationships? What do you think? Okay, all right we put those that weep suffer with those that are suffering okay good good. Yes, sir Oh, yeah, yep interesting well, we're gonna be looking at that verse and yep, I've said that before too Yeah, yes Okay, so praying with another person can help foster that kind of a relationship How do you know? How do you know if someone is your friend? How do you know if it's working? Okay, all right, so you're trying to foster a biblical friendship, how do you know if what you're doing is working I How do you evaluate it? Give them an assignment? Check your email Wednesday. What do you think? Okay, yes, yes and and that question there I put that in there on purpose because How do we if you take the the the context out? We've been talking about biblical friendships Okay, we take that out. How do we evaluate if we have friends or not? Well, no, no, no, no. We take all of that out, okay? How do I know if I have friends or not? How do I know if I have friends? What would I use to evaluate whether or not my attempts at developing a friendship is working? They're going to be there for me when I need them, right? What else would I use to evaluate that? Say what? How they treat me. Okay, good. Yes, I would definitely consider that. Do they talk to me? Yeah. Do they give me a cold shoulder when I walk by them? You know. Do they call me? Do they respond to my emails? I sent them a text. It's been three seconds and they haven't responded yet. They're mad at me. Okay. You see, my point is generally our way of evaluating if what I'm doing to develop a friendship is working is based on what they're doing for me. And there again, wrong way of thinking about friendships. Biblical friendships is not about what they're doing for me, okay? Because I could say, you know, we could go through these things tonight. Here are things we need to do to develop a biblical friendship. And I could say, yes, I'm doing these things, but I don't seem to be getting the response that I'm looking for. So I guess God doesn't want me to have any friends then, right? Well, maybe we still need to get a better understanding, a better perspective on biblical friendships. Keeping in mind, remembering, it's about reflecting the image of God. And we're going to go back and forth with that a little bit here. Proverbs 18 24 the verse you mentioned a man that hath friends must show himself Friendly and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother Leonard shared that he heard a pastor one time and it wasn't me So there that means at least two pastors have said this because I've said this before if you don't have friends How do you get friends? be friendly and You will have friends it says so right there Oh, I was so wrong when I studied that out. You see, even just that thought, if you want friends, then you be friendly and you'll get friends. It's all selfishly motivated. So what is that proverb saying? Because it sure says, if you want friends, you have to be a friend. And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. Okay. There's two parts to this proverb. Most proverbs, there are two parts. The first part, the first half, literally reads this. You think the King James, we need to translate it into newer versions so we can understand it. If you put it back into the original Hebrew, here's what that verse literally says. A man of many friends shall come to ruin. Okay, now, can we have that verse back up there? Because when I first was reading about this in one of my commentaries, I thought, Is this a misprint? I went back and I opened up my Bible. I opened up three different versions. I'm like, a man that hath friends must show himself friendly. Literally, it's saying a man of many friends shall come to ruin. Where do they get that? Okay, so one version, one version did put it this way. There are friends who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother. then I realized that proverbs are generally set up to be contrasts. You have the first half contrasted to the second half and so to correctly interpret a proverb You have to identify what the contrast is that's taking place here. The contrast is two different types of friends. There's the friend in the first half, OK? That type of friend is one that you have because of what? You showed yourself friendly to them, and so they are a friend to you. The second type of friend is one that sticks to you no matter what. Whoa. There's two different kinds of friends there. Now, if we go back to what the first half literally reads in the original language, a man of many friends shall come to ruin. So if you've got a lot of friends that are only friends for you because of you being friendly to them, and that's the only reason they're friends to you, that's going to drive you crazy. That's going to drain you. That's going to wipe you out. Because all they're doing, all they are, are friends of yours because of what you're doing for them. A real friend, it says, sticks closer than a brother. Now, in this culture, no one was closer to you than family. I realize in our culture, in some families, that may not be the case. Blood is definitely thicker than water in this culture. Your family would never think of turning on you or leaving you, no matter what, in this culture. So that's why there's this contrast here. The prodigal son, he had himself a lot of friends, didn't he? He showed himself friendly. He had a lot of friends. The category A type friends from that first half of the proverb. Until he stopped doing what he was doing to attract them in the first place. And then where'd all his friends go? When he needed them most, where were they? They were gone. And yes, this trait this this trait of friendship is a godly trait some point let me see I don't know if you have Roman numeral one constancy constancy okay that's what you should write there in Roman numeral one That is the first trait that we're going to look at for biblical friendship, constancy. Always, always there, no matter what. Some suggest that that trait, a friend that sticks closer than a brother no matter what, in that verse is actually pointing to the Messiah to come in the New Testament. And it does point us to God, who is that kind of friend no matter what. God never leaves us nor forsakes us. Even though we bring nothing to the table, God sticks to us. Unlike the prodigal, all of his friends, when he had nothing left to bring to the table, they left him. Wow. So how do I get that kind of friend, right? Wouldn't you love to have some friends like that that would not leave you no matter what took place? It seems that I, we, sometimes are constantly jumping through hoops and doing backflips in order to get friends. How can we get some friends like this that are going to stick closer than a brother even if I'm not doing backflips for them or doing all kinds of nice things for them? How do I get that kind of a friend? I'll take you to the title, Be One. Because, again, our thinking needs to change. This isn't about, how do I get this? It's, how do I be a reflection of God? And this is absolutely a trait that God demonstrates to us. Here's the second trait, candor. Candor that's just like What's a good way to describe candor? Being direct you're not beating around the bush, okay? So this is this one is a good test for the first trait a Friend that sticks closer than a brother okay constancy Here's how you can test if you have that kind of a friend be candid with them Ooh, speak truth to them, okay? Look at your friend group that you have right now. How many in your friend group would still be your friend if you were candid with them about things in their life that you know are there? How many would still be your friend? How many of them would you be looking at your friend group How many of them would you be uncomfortable giving them biblical truth about something in their life? Oh, I don't know if I would. This person who give them truth, it is not going to be pretty. They're not going to respond well at all. And we're not comfortable with that because of how we think they might react. Here's a proverb for us. Chapter 27 in verse 5, it says, open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Okay? There's one complete proverb in two verses. What's the contrast? Where's the contrast in there? We have wounds and kisses. Okay, one is an ouch and the other is not an ouch. Okay, which one feels better, a wound or a kiss? Well, obviously the kiss is. So looking at verse six, faithful are the wounds of a friend But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Well, we have to understand this contrast a little more. Friend versus enemy. Okay? A friend is someone that we can trust, right? We're on good terms with, we feel safe with them. What about an enemy? Just the opposite, right? Okay? You might even consider, like, a war zone. You have your enemy, and if there's an enemy, there's a war. And if there's a war, there's a lack of peace somewhere. So, what does it bring to mind when you have an enemy that is, in this proverb, kissing you? It's this picture of peace. Everything is okay And that's deceitful look at it Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but it says the kisses of an enemy Say it's okay. Everything's alright God says that is deceitful a Biblical friend willing to wound to rebuke Rather than pretend that everything is okay Because that's what an enemy does How do we know how do we know that a parent loves their child? How would you know that? Well, I already set the context, right? So you're all going to have the right answer. Because he gets them, the parent gets the child whatever they want at Walmart, just so they don't have a meltdown and temper tantrum and embarrass them. No, we know that's not it. Proverbs 13.24 tells us, he that spareth his rod hateth his son. but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes, or often, okay? And I'll tell you what, when my kids were little, children are so different. Every, I mean, we only had two, they were such opposites, okay? And one of them was a slow learner. It felt like we were doing this often, okay? And the other one, not so much. But why do parents do that? Because if they don't do that, God says they're actually hating their child. Because it is a loving thing to rebuke, as it says in Proverbs 27 5. So how do we know that God loves us? Same thing, right? Hebrews 12, 6. Here's the verse. For whom he loveth, he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. Biblical friendship, a biblical friendship that is going to reflect the image of God is going to reflect God in this way, too. We're not looking for biblical friends to be friends to us because we're looking to reflect the image of God. So this is what we're being for others, doing to others. This is what God does to us. He gives us the Holy Spirit. The Bible teaches us to do what? Guide us into all remembrance and understanding, right? But what else? Reprove us. One of the functions of the Word of God, in fact, is to rebuke us in 2 Timothy. God is all about doing this and demonstrates it in so many different ways. This is His image that we are to reflect. Now, going beyond that, bringing that down to earth a little more, Paul told Timothy in 2 Timothy 4 in verse 2, he said, preach the Word, Timothy. Be instant in season, out of season. reprove, rebuke, exhort, with all long-suffering and doctrine. This is a godly trait of biblical friendship. We have to be one. Proverbs 28, 23, it says, he that rebuketh a man afterwards shall find more favor than he that flattereth with the tongue. We can be one of two kinds of people. The kind that doesn't rebuke our friends will give them the kisses of an enemy. Tell them, oh, everything's OK. You can read those kinds of posts all day long on social media, OK? Or we can be the friend, the biblical friend, that is going to rebuke with love, with doctrine. And this proverb says that that man will find more favor. Maybe you've done that before with a friend, and they have come back later and thanked you. I've experienced that. It's true. Imagine that. The Bible is true, right? Charles Bridges, a theologian from the 1800s, he said this, what is a friend who will be a real blessing to my soul? Is it enough that He will humor my fancies and flatter my vanity? Is it enough that He loves my person and would spend His time doing things with me? He wrote, this comes far short of my requirement. I am a poor, strained sinner with a wayward will and a blinded heart going wrong at every step. I need a friend who will watch over me with open rebuke, not a flatterer. Biblical friendship, okay? Friendship that reflects the image of God is one that includes candor. Here's the third trait, carefulness. This means full of care for a friend. Let's consider a couple of different ways that we can be full of care for a friend. One way is in our speech and timing, carefulness. Now this has to do with what we say and when we say it. Because we go back to candor, being direct, canted. We can cloak wrong speech with that sometimes and think we're being fine. No, we need to use carefulness as well. Here's a proverb for us. Proverbs 25, 20, it says, as he that taketh away a garment in cold weather and as vinegar upon nighter, so is he that singeth songs to a heavy heart. There's a contrast there again. Someone who takes away a garment in cold weather. 20 below outside and someone yanks your coat off and takes it away from you The contrast is comparing that to a person who sings songs to a heavy heart Hmm so we have to understand singing songs to a heavy heart because they're being compared as the same So it must not be a good thing singing songs Ready have you ever been in a rotten mood? Yeah, okay, dumb question, I know. Have you ever been in a rotten mood, someone in the house is just, like, happy as can be? Happy as a lark, they're going around singing, singing, singing, tiptoe through the tulips, or whatever they're singing, you know? Because everything is all joy and butterflies and happy, and they're trying to share their joy and happiness with you, and you're not hearing it. It's not helping, is it? And maybe you're not just necessarily in a bad mood, okay? Singing songs, spreading joy, that's a good thing, but not necessarily when someone is grieving or hurting, okay? Who's a mourning person? Okay, I want to see who my kindred spirits are in this room. Mourning people, right, okay. Now, I guess that means all the rest of you are not mourning people. Most people are not mourning people in this room then, okay. So, mourning people, right? We're singing joy and happiness at five in the morning. And imagine those of you who aren't morning people, okay, and someone like me comes to your room, knocks on your door, and is like, come on, get out of bed, let's seize the day for Jesus. It's five o'clock, the sun's gonna be coming up and we'll be burning daylight. Woo, let's go, come on. Yeah, someone just pointed their fingers at me like this. There's a proverb for that, okay? And I included it in your notes because those of you who aren't morning people are probably going to memorize this and go on Etsy and have a wall decoration made for your house. Here it is, Proverbs 27, 14. He that blesses his friend with a loud voice rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him. That I included that because it kind of demonstrates the last verse we looked at Okay, as he that taketh away a garment in cold weather, so is he that singeth songs to a heavy heart? There's nothing wrong with with blessing your friend and loudly But there's a right time for it and we go back to what we say and when we say it, how do we a biblical friend who is reflecting the image of God, ensure that our words are like apples of gold and pictures of silver, Proverbs 25, 11. Write this down. Here's the answer. How do we know that our speech and timing is right? Know our friend. We have to know our friend. Now, there's lots of jokes about this. Sometimes the jokes are on guys, sometimes the jokes are on wives, okay? But guys will laugh about the concept of figuring out your wife, understanding women. You gotta know what mood they're in, right? Ha ha, that changes every five minutes, right? That's how the joking goes, okay? But can I just say this? We all change and fluctuate. And the more my wife has gotten to know me, she knows without me even saying a word. I think sometimes she can just sense it, my body language, whatever. She knows that now's not a good time. Okay? Not that I'm grumpy or sinful, but vice versa. I know that, okay, this isn't the time to like, oh, hey, honey, how you doing? She needs some space. Okay? Because I know her, she knows me. Here's how we know when our speech and timing is right. We have to know the person. We have to know that they're not a morning person. That concept of we're trying to be a biblical friend, reflecting the image of God, guess what? He knows us. He knows how we tick. The more we know that person, the more we can match our words to the timing to that person will know when to say and what to say to them and how much to say and when they've had enough and just need time to process. So we back off. Do you know who else knows that about me? God. He knows when to hammer me and he knows when to just give me the still small voice of the Holy Spirit and just let that simmer in me. Because God knows me. So we have to know that person. That is the picture of God with us. So we are reflecting the image of God. In speech and timing, what we say, when we say it, by knowing that person. Now, here's another aspect of carefulness, and that is stewardship. We have to be wise managers of this friendship. Here's the verse, Proverbs 11, 13. It says, A tail-bearer revealeth secrets, but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter. Okay? Another way of saying that is this. A gossip goes around telling secrets. But those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. That's all we need to say, I think, about stewardship. We have to be trustworthy with what we know, the trust that is there in a friendship. Let's move on to that fourth trait, and that is this, wise counsel. I want to read two Proverbs that go along with this. Number four, wise counsel. Here's the first one, Proverbs 24.6, for by wise counsel they shall make their war, and in multitude of counselors there is safety. And then Proverbs 27.9, ointment and perfume rejoice the heart, so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel. This is just simply a desire, not for us to get counsel, that's the wrong view of friendship. Us to give counsel. And it stems from a desire to see our friend move to become more like Christ. and we're going to give counsel. This is the one and others that we find in the New Testament, this proverb broken up into all the little one and others throughout the New Testament. One of my favorite authors, he wrote a book, it's called Ordering Your Private World. The author's name is Gordon MacDonald. Here's a quote from him, he says, there is a certain niceness And it's in quotes, a certain niceness to a friendship where I can be, as they say, myself. But what I really need, he says, are relationships in which I will be encouraged to become better than myself. I don't want to be the myself I was yesterday. I want to be the myself that is developing each day to be more like Christ. I want this kind of friendship. One of constancy, candor, carefulness, counsel. I want that kind of, wouldn't that be a great friendship to have? How do I get this? Wrong question. The right question to start with is, am I this kind of friend? Am I reflecting the image of God? Next week, we'll start looking at how to cultivate that kind of friendship, how to be that kind of friend. Heavenly Father, help us this week, Lord, to consider that question, am I this kind of friend? No doubt all of us in here maybe have one of these four traits that are a strong trait with us. maybe another one or two that isn't so strong. We have this week ahead of us, Lord. I pray your spirit would work in our hearts about this to make those changes necessary in Jesus' name, amen.