Before but I know many more of you now and it's been a real blessing Also Comment was made here about reading and I am very much an advocate for reading I guess because it I just felt like it changed it not don't feel like it changed my life quite a bit when I began reading again a number of years ago and I I've had a number of people tell me over the years when I mentioned that, that they don't really enjoy reading that much. So they find it hard to read. But a comment was made once, I think in a book I was reading, that most people enjoy reading if they find the right book. It's, there's a few that really don't enjoy reading. Maybe it's difficult for them or something, but if you find a subject you enjoy, it's not real hard to get through a book, for most of us. And so that's kind of more important than, or more true, I think, than the fact that you don't enjoy reading, maybe for some of you that think that. But... I do have one more book I'm gonna mention here this evening. This is fairly new to us called Beauty in Battle, Winning in Marriage by Waging a War. And I got some of my thoughts this morning from this book. A few more for the Genesis Scriptures there. But the premise of the book is that, again, as I said this morning, we and our marriages were created to fight in a spiritual battle for the Lord. And they do a really good job. It's Jason Benham and his wife, Tori. You may have heard of the Benham brothers. They have other books out as well. They're twins, but at any rate Jason and his wife wrote this book together and they do a really good job of portraying the absolute beauty of marriage and fighting battles together rather than with each other and they share a lot of stories about a few times when they've fought with each other and rather than alongside of each other. So it's another one that I think is very worth reading, Beauty in Battle by Jason and Tori Benham. So moving on here, we're gonna read again, I guess this is the fourth time now, Psalm 127 and 128. And I'm gonna bother you again to please stand if you could. Psalm 127 and verse one. Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it. Except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows, for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are the children. of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. They shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. Blessed is everyone that feareth the Lord, that walketh in his ways, for thou shalt eat the labor of thine hands. Happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house. Thy children, like olive plants, round about thy table. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord. The Lord shall bless thee out of Zion, and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life. Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel. You may be seated. The title of the message this evening is very simple, simply Biblical Child Training, or you could say Biblical Child Raising, I guess. And I'd like to say this in the beginning, probably 15 years ago, I wouldn't have had this perspective, but as parents now with the oldest being 26, and having a few teenagers yet, and then some younger ones as well, I know that by my stage of life, our stage of life, it's easy Let's say it this way, it's sometimes difficult to just stay engaged in raising our children, and to keep putting the same energy into it that we did when we were in our 20s and 30s. Sometimes we feel tired, and sometimes it has its difficult moments, but I like to encourage you, even with your teenagers, late teens even, don't stop. giving them advice, input, biblical counsel, don't stop. When parents give up and just kind of let the children finish their raising themselves, many times extra weight falls on the church. And that can be difficult. And I've seen that happen, where parents, they just, it doesn't go well with the first few as they're in their teens, and so the last few, they just say, well, you know, they'll figure it out. And they stop setting boundaries. We need to continue doing that, even when it becomes difficult. And we do tend, you've all heard it, you know, the younger children, they say, well, or the older ones really, the older ones say, well, the younger ones don't have to do what we had to do. I mean, you were much stricter then and you know, all those stories. There's some truth to that. We do sometimes change some of those things. Part of it is because we become wiser and we realize we don't have to be perfect, but sometimes we also become tired. So I'm gonna go back to Psalm 127 and look at the first five verses a bit here. As we think about child training, A few of similar thoughts as we had on Thursday evening. from Psalm 127. Again, except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it, except the Lord keep the city, the watchman wake is put in vain. And I'm just gonna emphasize it again. And it was mentioned here in the devotional time. One of the ladies mentioned what I said about that to give your problems to God and to get some sleep. And the fact is that we simply won't get it all right ourselves. and we can try as hard as we might be, but if we believe that it's totally up to us how our children turn out, we will have an awful lot of stress. And truthfully, we're eliminating God from the equation. We have a part to play, and you'll see that as I go through the message this evening. There's things that we should do. But the fact is, in the end, sometimes it's not as much up to us as we think. They are God's children after all. They're not your children. You're not raising your children. Necessarily, I realize God gave them to us. They're ours in that sense. But really the goal is to raise them for him, to do his work. And so if we can remember that, it can change how we see this. And sometimes they don't need to become exactly what we wish they did. And one of those things, of course, is as our sons grow up, we often hope they work in the family business. And many sons do that. We have a few sons in ours. but some are not built for that. Some have other things they're better at. And that's just another part of that whole thing of training our children to become what God wants them to be, not just exactly what we want them to be. Says in verse three, children are an heritage of the Lord. It's like an heirloom piece. It's something very valuable that God has given to us. And the last few verses there are fascinating. And I have studied these quite a few times and I'm still not quite sure. what exactly it means about the arrows and the hand of the hunter, and especially the last part of verse five, where the children shall speak with the enemies in the gate. I've read commentaries, I've read all kinds of Bible versions, and they all seem to kind of say a little bit something different about that. But it seems like one of the things that feels clear to me is that there's something about spiritual warfare that happens when a man has children, maybe especially sons in a sense, I'm not quite sure, but it talks here about the children speaking with the enemies in the gate. And one of the things that my father-in-law, Chris, when he would speak about this, he did such a great job with that. And one of the things that he indicated it means is that when he passes on, that the children take on the work into the future. They're going to a place he can't go. They speak with the enemies at the gate when the devil says, well, your work is done. You're old, you're dying, your work is done, you're out of my way. Not if you have children. they will take the work on, and I really like that picture. So there's just some powerful things there that I still don't fully understand, but it puts a lot of value on a man who has a quiver full of arrows. Moving on to more of a thought of training our children, in Proverbs 22, six, we have that familiar verse, and I think I'll turn there. Anyone know what that verse says? What's Proverbs 22.6 say? Yes. Train up a child in the way he should go. And according to what I understand, this phrase train up a child means to narrow his path. To narrow his path. Son, daughter, no, you go this way. You stay here. You don't go there. You don't go there. You don't do that. You don't do this. This is the path you should go. As we train them simply to narrow the path, to bring them to a place where ultimately the point is to bring them to where they're walking the narrow way. on their own as they grow older. And if we as parents don't narrow the path when they're young, they will bump up against some very difficult times in their life with other authorities. Because children who don't have their path narrowed when they're young, they think they can do anything they want. And you've likely seen a few children like that around here and there where they, you know, yeah, wild child in the grocery store and things like that, where they're screaming and hollering. And, you know, if they don't get what they want, they're throw an absolute fit for their mom or whatever. But there's a lot of children these days that that think they can do whatever they please. And that poor child is going to have a really hard life until the day they it suddenly dawns on them that they can't do what they please. There's some things they can't do. There's some things they must do. And so do them a favor and narrow the path. Children need to be taught that N-O is a complete sentence. Back to Ephesians 6, 4. And ye fathers, I'm doing so well with my water, I'm kind of dumping it all over myself. Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We talked about this verse before. A few of these things are repeats, and I don't mind doing that, because as LeVon said, we forget a lot of what we hear. And things I say twice, you're probably gonna remember a little bit more each time. And in the message version, which I basically consider a commentary, I would not go to the message Bible for theological, Help. It says, fathers don't exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the master. And I really think that's kind of what Ephesians 4 really is saying, to train them up by leading them, of showing them the way, not by being, hard on them in the sense of harshness. And then thinking of the rest of the verse here, Proverbs 22, six. We're to train up a child, we're to narrow the path. And then it says, in the way he should go. What is the way that he should go? Is it in the way that you as dads think he should go? Well, yes, partly. I think it was Chuck Swindoll that said once that this means according to his bent. And the idea there, I can't verify that, I wouldn't really find that in my study necessarily, but the idea is that children are all different, as you have discovered by now. Very different in the same family. They can be vastly different. We know that, they're made differently. And each child has a way in which he should go with his life. And that doesn't mean a wrong way. We need to help them with that. But we also need to be open to the fact they may not be exactly what we want them to be. Like I talked about earlier, as far as their work and their life calling. And the thought comes to me as I look at this, that that's a thing to keep in mind, that we're to train up the child in the way that he should go, the way that God wants him to go. And again, right and wrong needs to be taught. But then there's some things that are not always black and white. In thinking of that, I'd like to talk this evening about what children need. This is with the thought of training them up to be what they should be and the way that they should go. And I got these from John Drescher's old book, Seven Things Children Need. It's a book that my father-in-law gave to me years ago when he started getting rid of some of his books. His preaching was winding down. And I'm gonna look at five of those. not all seven of them, five of them, but the seven are the need for significance, the need for security, the need for acceptance, the need to love and be loved, the need for praise, the need for discipline, and the need for God. And I'm gonna look at five of those. Now, just like when you bake a cake or a pie or cookies, You might be able to get by with messing up a little bit on the ingredients. Maybe a little less than there should be of one. Maybe skipping one might work in some situations, and it still is okay. It's still a cookie. It's still a pie. Maybe it's still edible. But the pie or the cake or the cookies are much better when all the ingredients are there. And I think it's that way with this. We as parents are never gonna get it all exactly right. And so in that sense, relax. At the same time, we want to give our children the things that they need the best we can, correct? And he says there are things that if they have them, they will thrive. This is what children need to thrive, to be healthy in the word that we gave the other evening. And so we wanna shoot for these. You're probably not gonna get all of them exactly right. Probably all of you as parents, there's some of these you're doing really well in, and then some you're not doing well in at all, potentially. And so, I guess the thing I would encourage you to do is just take with you the things that you sense you have a need in as we go over these this evening. So the need for significance, first of all, Psalm 139.14 says, I will praise thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made marvelous are thy works and that my soul knoweth right well. God has made us Well, he has made us valuable. He's made us to be significant. And we do want our children to know that. So a few thoughts about that. How do you do that? How do you help a child to know, not to be proud, not to think he's the only person on planet earth and the whole planet spins around him, but to know that he really is valuable, that he matters, he, she. A few things, a correct attitude toward yourself as a parent. If we as parents are very insecure about who we are and our own value, our children will likely struggle with that as well. Another one is let your children help around the home. Children feel good about themselves when they're able to help, when they're able to contribute. And the younger we get them to help, I think the more likely they're going to want to work when they get older. If they're four, five, six, seven, and we don't let them do anything, when they're 15, they're probably gonna say, I don't wanna do it. Another one is introduce your child to others. Let the child speak for himself. Respect his opinions. And a comment on this, I believe in some ways this is especially true for sons. And we have noticed, I don't know how we came across it, if we read something or what, But when you don't respect your sons, it makes for a problem. And we also notice specifically that when my wife began to make a special effort to respect our sons and how she talked to them as their mother, it made a big difference. You see, you as men want respect from your wife, right? We as men want respect from women in general. That's one of the things we know that. And there's something about that that seems like it's especially true for sons, that they will know, they'll be convinced of their significance when we respect their opinions. And you know, when, well, our teenage sons have sometimes had opinions I didn't agree with. and it's easy to be disrespectful. So I think it's something to keep in mind. A small boy watched his father polish the car. He asked, Dad, your car's worth a lot, isn't it? Yes, his dad replied, it costs a lot. It pays to take care of it. When I trade in the car, it will be worth more if I take care of it. After some silence, the son said, Dad, I guess I'm not worth very much, am I? The point is value that child and show that in ways that they know that they are significant. The second one, the need for security. There are two freedoms, the false one where one is free to do what he likes and the true where he is free to do what he ought. True freedom is when we are able to do the right thing. That is freedom. When we're so selfish, when we're so taken up with ourselves that we always have to do what we want to do, that is actually bondage. And we need to help our children with that. So thinking of security, what builds security for a child? What creates a place where they feel safe, they feel secure? Well, first of all, mom and dad deeply in love. A man was once asked about his five daughters. He had raised five daughters and they were grown up I think maybe a few married, but they had turned out very well. And he said, we're asked every once in a while, how did we raise these fine daughters? And he said, I'm not sure. There's a lot of things we didn't do right. But one thing we did do, we loved each other a lot. And we didn't mind showing to them. He said, that's about all I can point to. And so your relationship matters a lot to your children. There was a few times over the years when our children were younger, one of our daughters told me this later, where she felt some insecurity. about where things were going because of conflicts that we had too often. A second thing to build security is a close-knit family, a family that likes to be together. Another one, regular routines, proper discipline, touching your children. You know, we all need touch, and obviously it needs to be appropriate. There's certain relationships, certain touches aren't appropriate, but we, all of us as humans need touch. Speaking of that, someone said, I'm not sure if you get where we came across it, someone said that as married couples, we should have a 30 second hug at least three times a day. Interesting how difficult it is to get that done. But it actually does something. It does something even physically. It does something in our, it's a bonding. It's just interesting. Touch is so important. Speaking of security, a doctor once asked a young girl, what does home mean to you? She replied, home is the place you go when it gets dark. It's that safe place when outside it doesn't feel safe. And it's a blessing when our children feel like that is what home is for them. That is, it's a safe, happy place. The world is not always an easy place to be, but when we can come home and have a safe place to be, that builds security for our children. The third one, the need for acceptance. Again, Colossians 3.21, fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. And there's a lot that we as fathers can do that will cause our children to feel unaccepted even if that is not our intention at all. If we just never say that we accept them, they may not be sure. I know there's body language, there's touch, there's other things we do that are a part of that. But let's be sure they know. You've maybe heard this one before. Children learn what they live. If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, they learn to fight. If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy. If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. If children live with tolerance, they learn patience. If children live with praise, they learn appreciation. If children live with acceptance, they learn to love. If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves. If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness. If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them. If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live. And I have to say it's convicting just reading this list because I thought of things as I was reading that my children don't do as I wish they did, and I know exactly why. It's because I didn't model it to them. How do we build a sense of acceptance, or what builds a sense of acceptance in our children? Recognize the child as unique. Children are different, and if, you know, we have a family of eight children, and you know, the first two or three, maybe there's some things that are similar as far as, you know, not difficult to raise or whatever it might be. There's just things that you're like, well, this is how children should be. And then you have a third or a fourth and they're completely different. And you're just thinking, wow, what is wrong with this child? Well, they're made unique. They're made very unique. And, Again, like I said earlier, you know, we've seen it. Children are raised in the same family and they end up sometimes on polar opposites spectrums with their life. But there's a boy who in school, he has struggled a lot. And not only Did he struggle academically? But he had behavior issues. He just did rather stupid things. Very frustrating for his teacher. And as time went along, the school board was trying to help this teacher figure out how to help this boy, how to work with this thing. His parents were desperate. They were trying hard. He didn't have bad parents. His parents were disciplining, they were doing all the right things, and he still had behavior issues. Well, over time it got better, but one of the things that eventually the school board began to recognize is that this boy is like so many that we notice these days where he has learning challenges to remember academics and all that, but he's just incredible with his hands. Unbelievable with mechanical things. He's a genius practically. He can just figure things out and His poor parents had to be encouraged to just relax a little bit it's okay Just just realize this boy is unique and I think we as parents have to do that Sometimes our children just don't fit the mold that we expect that they would and we have to realize they're just made different and to help them find where they do have strengths and ways that they're gonna shine as they grow older. Moving on, help the child find satisfaction and achievements. Let the child know you love him, want him, and really enjoy him. Accept the child's friends, and I'm sorry, I have a whole bunch of things I'm giving to you tonight that you're not gonna be able to write down, so apologize for that. accept his friends, maintain an honest, genuine relationship with the child, and listen to what the child is saying. We as parents can struggle with this one so much, because we're busy. And when they have so many things they wanna tell us, our children, sometimes it's easy to kinda just, uh-huh, uh-huh, and we're trying to do our work or whatever it might be, and not really listen. And I know we can't sit down for hours every day and just listen, but there's ways we can assure them that we do, they do matter. There's another little story here, actually, something that a young man wrote. He says, dear mom and dad, thank you for everything, but I'm going to Chicago to try and start some kind of a new life. You asked me why I did those things and why I gave you so much trouble. The answer is for me to give you, but I'm wondering if you understand. Remember when I was about six or seven and I used to want you to listen to me? I remember all the nice things you gave me for Christmas and my birthday, and I was really happy about those things for about a week. But the rest of the time during the year, I really didn't want presents. I just wanted all the time for you to listen to me like I was somebody who felt things too because I remember even when I was young, I felt things. But you said you were so busy. Mom, you're a wonderful cook and you had everything so clean and you were tired so much from doing all those things that made you busy. But you know something, Mom? I would have liked crackers and peanut butter just as well if you had only sat down with me for a while during the day and said to me, tell me about it so I can maybe help you. And when Donna came, I think this was his sister, I couldn't understand why everyone made such a fuss because I didn't think it was my fault that her hair was curly and her skin so white and she doesn't have to wear glasses with thick lenses. Her grades were better too, weren't they? If anyone asks you where I am, tell them I've gone looking for someone with time because I've got a lot of things I want to talk about. Love to all your son. And you know, the stories break our hearts. I think all of us understand that's not where we want to be. And yet so easily, we can portray that to our children. And all these things are, please, they're not to put you as parents on guilt trips, because so easily we do that to ourselves already, right? That's not the point, but just to get us thinking. Maybe there's areas where we struggle with these things. And I think we often talk about men missing their children because we're busy, but sometimes you as moms, You know, your mom taught you that you need to keep the house clean. And that needs to happen at all costs. And I heard a woman talk about that some time ago. That was her mom. It was all about performance. It was all about everything had to be just right. And this woman is struggling today with that a lot. And again, not to make you all feel guilty, feel bad, but sometimes it's just as important to spend time with the children, whatever it might be, or more important than having the house just so-so or the wash all done up. So keep that in mind. Moving on, the need for praise. Ephesians 6 verse 4, again, ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. And I really think one of the things this includes is fathers telling their children where they have value, the things they're doing well. I think that's one of the ways we bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Mark Twain said, I can live for two months on a good compliment. How many of you don't feel a little bit the same way? When someone gives you a genuine compliment about something you did well, it really feels good. It means a lot because we all want to know that we can do things well, that we matter, that we're significant. And so watch for those times where you can affirm your children and the things they do. And this is one area where I struggled. I will admit that this was difficult for me. Maybe especially with my sons. and some of them are working for me these days, and I'm trying to be sure that I let them know that I see what they're doing, that I do appreciate. I try to do that with all the men at work, but in a special way, I know my sons need to know that. When they're working for me, work is a big part of their lives, and I want them to know that I believe in what they're doing and I appreciate it. They're doing a job well. It's not something I've done very well in years past. A lack of praise, simply a lack of phrase, even without harsh words, a lack of praise can sometimes leave a wound that takes years to heal. We as children growing up and even older, we love to hear from our fathers Yes, you've got what it takes. It means an awful lot. Moving on to the last one, the need for discipline. I'm gonna probably be spending more time on this than the others. I'd like to read something here. It's a little longer than I wish it was, but it makes a really good point. 20 years ago in Nashville, Tennessee, during the first week of January 1996, more than 4,000 baseball coaches descended upon the Opryland Hotel for the 52nd annual ABCA's convention. While I waited in line to register with the hotel staff, I heard other more veteran coaches rumbling about the lineup of speakers. One name kept resurfacing, always with the same sentiment, John Skalinos is here. Who is John Skalinos? I wondered, no matter, I was just happy to be there. In 1996, John Skalinos was 78 years old and five years retired from a college coaching career that began in 1948. He shuffled to the stage to an impressive standing ovation, wearing dark polyester pants, a light blue shirt, and a string around his neck from which home plate hung. A full-sized, stark white home plate. Seriously, I wondered, who is this guy? After speaking 25 minutes, not once mentioning the prop hanging around his neck, Coach Skalinos appeared to notice the snickering among some of the coaches, even those who knew Coach Scalino's had to wonder exactly where he was going with this, or if he had simply forgotten about home plate since he got on the stage. You're probably all wondering why I'm wearing home plate around my neck, he said, his voice growing irascible. I laughed along with the others, acknowledging the possibility. I may be old, but I'm not crazy. The reason I stand before you today is to share with you baseball people what I've learned in my life, what I've learned about home plate in my 78 years. Several hands went up when Scalia was asked how many Little League coaches were in the room. Do you know how wide home plate is in the Little League? After a pause, someone offered. Does anyone know, by the way? 17 inches more of a question than answer That's right. He said how about in Babe Ruth's day any Babe Ruth coaches in the house another long pause? 17 inches a guest from another reluctant coach. That's right said Scalino's now How many high school coaches do we have in the room hundreds of hands shot up as? the pattern began to appear How wide is home plate in high school baseball? 17 inches, they said, sounding more confident. You're right, Scalino sparked, and you college coaches, how wide is home plate in college? 17 inches, we said in unison. Any minor league coaches here, how wide is home plate in pro ball? 17 inches. And in the major leagues, I'm sorry. Yeah, in the major leagues, how wide is home plate in the major leagues? 17 inches. 17 inches, he confirmed, his voice bellowing off the walls. And what do they do with a big league pitcher who can't throw the ball over 17 inches? Oh, they get rid of him, of course. What they don't do is this, they don't say, oh, that's okay, Jimmy. If you can't hit a 17-inch target, we'll make it 18 or 19 inches. We'll make it 20 inches so you have a better chance of hitting it if you can't hit that. Let us know so we can make it wider still, say 25 inches. Pause. Coaches, what do we do when your best player shows up late to practice? Or when our team rules forbid facial hair and a guy shows up unshaven? What if he gets caught drinking? Do we hold him accountable? Or do we change the rules? Do we widen home plate? The chuckles gradually faded as the 4,000 coaches grew quiet, the fog lifting as the old coach's message began to unfold. He turned the plate toward himself, and using a sharpie, began to draw something. When he turned it toward the crowd, point up, a house was revealed, complete with a freshly drawn door and two windows. This is the problem in our homes today, he said, with our marriages, with the way we parent our kids, with our discipline. We don't teach accountability to our kids and there is no consequence for failing to meet standards. We just widen the plate. Pause. Then to the point at the top of the house, he added a small American flag. This is the problem in our schools today. The quality of our education is going downhill fast, and teachers have been stripped of the tools they need to be successful, and to educate and discipline our young people, we are allowing others to widen home plate. What, where is that getting us? Silence. He replaced the flag with a cross, and this is the problem in the church. where powerful people in positions of authority have taken advantage of young children only to have such an atrocity swept under the rug for years. Our church leaders are widening home plate for themselves, and we allow it. And the same is true with our government. Our so-called representatives make rules for us that don't apply to themselves. They take bribes from lobbyists in foreign countries. They no longer serve us, and we allow them to widen home plate. We see our country falling into a dark abyss while we just watch. I was amazed. At a baseball convention where I expected to learn something about curveballs and bunting and how to run better practices, I had learned something far more valuable. From an old man with home plate strung around his neck, I learned something about life, about myself, about my own weaknesses and my responsibilities as a leader. If I am lucky, Coach Scalena has concluded, you'll remember one thing from this old coach today. It is this. If we fail to hold ourselves to a higher standard, a standard of what we know to be right. If we fail to hold our spouses and our children to the same standards, if we are unwilling or unable to provide a consequence when they do not meet the standard, and if our schools and churches and our government fail to hold themselves accountable to those they serve, there is but one thing to look forward to. With that, He held home plate in front of his chest, turned it around and revealed its dark black backside. We have dark days ahead. That was wisdom from an old coach. I could probably just skip all the rest of what I'm gonna say about discipline and you would have gotten the point. I guess I'll say a few more things. There's a lot of missing ingredients in American families today. But discipline is one of the more glaring ones. Discipline is a very unpopular thing today. And there's a lot of material being put out these days about how to parent children without discipline. The problem is that some of us have maybe seen or experienced a strong disciplinarian type father or harsh father. We've either seen or experienced that. We say, that's not what we want. We're gonna go the other way. We're gonna relationship with our children. We're not gonna treat them like that. But children who aren't held to any standard, who aren't given lines, the result is actually the same. In both cases, they're angry. In both cases, they feel unloved. The result may actually even be worse because you now have angry children who have no backbone at all. They have never been told anything is wrong. God says that any father or mother who won't discipline his child doesn't love him. That's what the Bible says. In fact, he says that man hates his child. Your goal as parents is not to be liked by your children, or it shouldn't be. And I understand that desire as much as any of you. I want my children to like me. I wanna have a great relationship. I wanna be able to sit down with my teens and talk in a relaxed way, and they tell me everything. Sorry, that hasn't happened with all of them. but we are their parents. We're not their friend necessarily. And hopefully as our children get older, we can be their friends, but while we're parenting them, we need to be their parent. We're the only parents they have. And they will, by the way, they will appreciate it later. Our children aren't real old yet, but I even know that. I'm pretty convinced. In fact, I've seen some of those things already. There was one young man who said, I wish my father would beat me. At least that way I would know he cared. Proverbs 3 verse 11 and 12. My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, neither be weary of his correction. For whom the Lord loveth, he correcteth. Even as a father, the son in whom he delighted. God, it's discipline is God's idea. He does it with you. He does it with us. And if he wouldn't, we would have reason to question his love because we need correction. And the truth of the matter is that at least after the correction happens, we do feel loved unless we become angry. Hebrews 12 verse five. My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and he scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. This is God. If you endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons. For what son is he whom the Father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards and not sons, an illegitimate child. You're not really one of God's if he doesn't chastise you. And he does it because he loves you, and therefore the same thing applies to our children. We should chastise them because we love them. Is it a pleasure to do? Absolutely not. Not enjoyable at all. And I know someone here today said that their mother would say when she spanked him that it hurts her more than it does him. Yeah, I know that. That is actually true. As children, we are kinda like, yeah, sure, dad, mom, whatever, that sounds ridiculous, but yeah, it really is that way. When we have the right heart. Now, it's not hard to spank our children when we're angry, but that is not a good context for discipline. Discipline is essential for the complete training of a child. It completes, it shapes their character. It cannot be replaced. And I believe it also cleanses the conscience. As young children, young children don't know what to do with their conscience. A five-year-old, can a five-year-old feel guilt? Absolutely, absolutely, definitely can. When they do something wrong, they have a fear and they have just a foreboding feeling of, oh, what if I get caught? That is the case, but they don't know how to take care of that. And so that's where we as parents come in, we help them cleanse their conscience. And I still remember that, I remember that feeling. As much as I dreaded that spanking, When it was done, I was not only glad it was over, but I liked how I felt. I had paid the price. I was now free. Help your children be set free. And that's one of the reasons where, like we talked about earlier, you see children in the stores or wherever it might be, and they're just wild Indians. And please understand, We talked about boys the other night. Boys can be wild, trained well or not, I get that. But what I'm talking about is children who are miserable and just angry. And those children, they're screaming for their conscience to be cleansed. They don't know that, but they have all this guilt pent up and all this, maybe their mom and dad just holler at them and it's all this baggage in the heart of that poor child and they don't know how to set themselves free. So we need to do it for them until they get to that age where they start taking those things to God. And when they confess them and have God set their conscience free. Proverbs 23, 13 and 14, this is from the ESV. Do not keep back training from the child for even if you give him blows with the rod, it will not be death to him. Give him blows with a rod and keep his soul safe from the underworld. Proverbs 13, 24, whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Proverbs 22, 15, folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Five things that I think these scriptures make clear. First of all, using the rod correctly will not physically damage your child. Second, the Bible says it will save his soul from hell. Third, refusing to discipline our children is not love. God calls it hate. Four, if we truly love our child, we will be diligent and disciplined. And five, inside the heart of every child is a nature that is bent on taking their own way. but the rod drives it away from them. Thinking of discipline when using a rod. Four things I'd like to mention. Don't yell at your children while disciplining them. The second one is never use the rod in anger. And this is especially for fathers because the anger of a dad is a very fearful thing for a child. If you're actually angry, especially where you are visibly kind of out of control of your emotions, that is terrifying for a child. Do not spank them in anger. Thirdly, hold your child after using the rod. And not everyone has always agreed with that. Some people think you should spank them and send them on their way because if you hold them, you're giving them the reverse or the opposite message. I disagree. When after God disciplines you, does he send you down the road and say, go cry to someone else. Don't come to me with your problem. No, he brings his grace and floods us with his love and holds us, obviously not physically, but he really does. I'm sure many of you have experienced that in different ways where God holds you after disciplining. Absolutely, I think it's important. Proverbs 16, six says, by mercy and truth, iniquity is purged. Mercy and truth are twins in the Bible. They always need to go together. And like I said, God doesn't discipline us and walk away. Fourthly, pray with the child. And this may vary depending on age. Sometimes maybe it's appropriate to have them pray if they care to. But I think whenever we do this in a context of this is for your good and it's because God We want you to learn to know God. We want you to learn to follow God. We want you to learn to be obedient to what God says. I think that can be so valuable. And I know my parents didn't do it perfect, but honestly, I have a very positive picture of spankings because they did it well enough that it did the job and I felt free. I know that's not true for everyone. I'm gonna read three little stories to finish. Three different versions of a similar situation. I took a little child's hand in mine. He and I were to walk together for a while. I was to lead him to the father. It was a task that overcame me, so awful was the responsibility. And I talked to the little child only of the father. I painted the sternness of the father's face for the child to displease him. We walked under tall trees. I said the father had power to send them crashing down, struck by his thunderbolt. We walked in the sunshine. I told him of the greatness of the father who made the burning, blazing sun. And one twilight, we met the father. The child hid behind me. He was afraid. He would not look up at the face so loving. He remembered my picture. He would not put his hand in the father's hand. I was between the child and the father. I wondered. I had been so conscientious, so serious. Number two story. I took a little child's hand in mine. I was to lead him to the father. I felt burdened by the multitude of the things I was to teach him. We did not ramble, we hastened on from spot to spot. At one moment we compared the leaves of the trees, and the next we were examining a bird's nest. When the child was questioning me about it, I hurried him away to chase a butterfly. Did he chance to fall asleep? I awakened him lest he should miss something that I wished to see. I wished him to see. We spoke of the father often and rapidly. I poured into his ears all the stories he ought to know, but we were interrupted often by the wind blowing of which we must speak, by the coming out of the stars which we must needs study, by the gurgling brook which we must trace to its source. And then in the twilight, we met the father. The child merely glanced at him. The father stretched out his hand but the child was not interested enough to take it. Fever spots burned on his cheeks. He dropped exhausted to the ground and fell asleep. Again, I was between the child and the father. I wondered, I had taught him so many, many things. Number three, I took a little child's hand in mine to lead him. to the father. My heart was full of gratitude for the glad privilege. We walked slowly. I suited my steps to the short steps of the child. We spoke of the things the child noticed. Sometimes it was one of the father's birds. We watched it build a nest. And we saw the eggs that were laid. We wondered later at the care it gave its young. Sometimes we picked the father's flowers and stroked their soft petals and loved their bright colors. Often we told stories of the father. I told them to the child and the child told them to me. We told them, the child and I, over and over again. Sometimes we stopped to rest, leaning against the father's trees and letting his air cool our brows and never speaking. And then in the twilight, we met the father. The child's eyes shone. He looked up lovingly, trustingly, eagerly into the father's face. He put his hand into the father's hand. I was for the moment forgotten. I was content. That last one is a picture of our job as parents. And as you can see from the other two stories, you may have seen yourself, and those other two in some form, hurrying, rushing, busy, whatever it might be. But this last one is what we wanna be. It's a challenge, but I believe God has given us the tools to do it. Let's pray and then I'm gonna turn the time over to LaVon. Let's stand for a word of prayer and then you can be seated. God, I thank you for your word and the many principles of truth that it gives to us as it relates to raising our families. And God at the same time as we see those and we are excited about them, we see so many ways we have failed. Sometimes our hearts ache because we wish we could turn back the clock and do it again. And help us to allow you to shape us so we can be as the father in this third story who gently walked with his child until the day when he placed them in your care. And they had a relationship with you. We want to do that for our children, but we so much need your wisdom. Help us, in Jesus' name, amen. You may be seated. Thank you Brother Dathan for being faithful again this evening.