this evening again. I had a good day and the best part of the day was that my wife arrived and the children, Emily and Brian, safe and sound. I believe some of you were praying, maybe some at home as well. We have more than six inches of snow at home. It was snowing when she left and most of the way here and yet very little of those miles had accumulation on the road. So she made really good time, maybe lost a few minutes but so that was a blessing. See a few faces here that weren't here last evening. Let's see the Calvary Bible School maintenance man is here. It's funny because your name is escaping me right now but That was, I guess that was a year ago you were there and we were there to teach and enjoy that. Good to see your face here as well as others. So this evening we'll be talking about men, about fathers. I guess it's both really. This message definitely speaks to all men. The title is Tender Warrior Fathers. The kind of the subtitle there is every child's hope and I'd like to read first of all before we get into the message several scriptures first of all Psalm 78 and Let's stand for the reading of the word if you don't mind Psalm 78 first of all the first eight verses of Psalm 78. Very familiar Psalm, talking here about passing on God's word and his truth and the stories of God to the succeeding generations. Psalm 78 verse one, give ear, O my people, to my law, incline your ears to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable. I will utter dark sayings of old, which we have heard and known and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, showing to the generation to come the praises of the Lord and his strength and his wonderful works that he hath done. For he established a testimony in Jacob. and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children. that the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born, who should arise and declare them to their children. There's four generations represented here in these verses. That they might set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments, and might not be, as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation that set not their heart aright, and his spirit was not steadfast with God. I'd like to turn now to Psalm 127 and read 127 and 128 again this evening. Psalm 127 and verse one. Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it. Except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows, for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are in heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are the children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. They shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. 128, blessed is everyone that feareth the Lord that walketh in his ways. For thou shalt eat the labor of thine hands, happy shalt thou be. And it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house. Thy children, like olive plants, round about thy table. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord. The Lord shall bless thee out of Zion, and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life. Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children and peace upon Israel. And you may be seated. By my observation, I believe that Mockery and contempt for true manhood is a stronghold in our nation today. And I suppose you're aware of that, I don't know if you've thought about it consciously or not, how much that manhood, true manhood and real men and what they're called to are mocked by our culture, our society. Men have been the butt of many jokes in the last 30 years. While at the same time, women have been lifted higher and higher. And I think we need to recognize that that is a trick from the enemy. That's not God's plan. That's not what he has said. That's not what he teaches in his word at all. It's not the picture he paints in the Bible. There's three main parts to the message this evening. And it's too much, it's too much ground to cover, but we're gonna do it and hopefully get through it fine. But there's three parts. What does a tender warrior look like? And then the magnitude of a father's influence. And thirdly, the attitude and heart of a father. And I wanna point out two books this evening. First of all, I don't know if you're a reader or not. Some of you probably are. There's several different views about reading. Some simply don't enjoy reading. Some don't think they have time for it. And I'm here to tell you that all of you have time to read if you want to. I thought I didn't have time to read either until I decided it was important and I started reading. And four or five years ago, I went from zero reading into reading several dozen books in a year, and that was simply because I decided I needed to. And by the way, it was a game changer for me in my life. So the thing I like about books is that they help us as hard-headed humans to understand some of the practical things that the Bible is teaching. See, it's all in the Bible. All the principles are there, but we don't get it. Often we miss it and we don't quite catch on to the practical ways that those principles should make a difference in our lives. And so I like books for that reason. They've helped me a lot. The first one is the one I referred to last evening, Tender Warrior. I think without question every man should read this book. It is absolutely essential reading in my opinion. Every man's purpose, every woman's dream, and every child's hope is what it says here below the title. by Stu Weber. And I'm gonna be referring to this book again, and I hope you can bear with me this evening. I'm gonna be reading from several books here a number of times, and I always hesitate to do that, but there's some things that are said in these books that are just said better than I can say it. And I'm gonna let them speak to you in that way, and hopefully some of you will read these books. The second one is called Hero. How many have seen this book, heard of it, or read it? Okay. You as fathers need to read this book as well. Hero, being the strong father your children need. And this is not, the picture painted in the book is not domineering fatherhood, but it is a father who is present, who is committed, and who is there for his children. And and that is so needed in our culture today. This is written by a woman who is a medical doctor She's now I think in her 60s and she's she's had she's done family practice She was a pediatrician worked with a lot of babies and on up to teens Thousands of them and she has some interesting observations as a Christian doctor that I thought were fascinating and And the few things that I'll mention about this that you may be surprised at this evening, but that is another one that I think every father should read. Just emphasizing the tremendous impact that dads have. So first of all, Looking at the first point here, what does a tender warrior look like? And in the book, I'm gonna use a few thoughts in this regard, and he says in the book that a tender warrior, a man who's a man, who's both tender and a warrior, is a king, he is a warrior, he's a mentor, and he's a friend. If you think about those four, king, warrior, mentor, and friend, the first two, king and warrior, have the strength, the strong man part there. And then mentor and friend are the softer characteristics of a man, the coming alongside. And and so thinking about these briefly each of these as a king Genesis 126 paints this picture a little bit and and when I when I when I use this word here From the book. It's not again painting a picture of a domineering man who is just running over everybody to get his way That's not the point of a man being a king but in Genesis 126 it says God said, let us make man in our image after our likeness and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the fowl of the air and over the cattle and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. And so God gave man, mankind, the woman as well, but in a particular way, men, because we are the ones who, like my father-in-law used to say, we go out and slay the dragons. We're the ones that do the hard work. In that sense. And so a king, a man as a king is a protector, a provider, and an overseer. It's one who is leading the charge in life. Moving on to the second one, a warrior. A man should be a warrior. A warrior, by the way, is not only defensive. We know that a warrior, sometimes defends a position in a battle. He'll be there and he'll take up a position and he'll defend that position against the attack of an enemy. But it's not only defensive, a warrior should be offensive as well. He should take new territory. And just thinking of this a minute here, we as God's people should be constantly battling to take new territory back in our lives that the devil has kind of gotten a little bit of foothold in, that he has maybe brought some lies into our lives, or he's brought some confusion, or maybe we have a tremendous anger problem, or maybe we're bitter, or whatever it might be, we need with God's help to battle to take that territory back. as a warrior, what a warrior is to do. And we'll talk on Sunday morning about how our wives are a partner in that battle, but we are to lead the charge in that. And thinking of the warrior idea for men, we see this coming out in young boys, don't we? Now, little girls can sometimes be rambunctious, but more often than not, it's the boys that are breaking the things, right? They're running into everything, they're practically climbing the walls sometimes. And, you know, they're picking up sticks and whacking trees and they're sometimes picking up stones and occasionally throwing them at the wrong things, breaking windows or whatever it might be. Boys do these things. And them doing these things in themselves does not make them a bad boy. It makes them a boy. And obviously they can do bad things, but, It's very interesting as we sometimes struggle as parents with this, and especially for those of us who have the non-resistant mentality, and you might be able to sympathize with this lady. This little story, they say here, when you're made to be a protector and a soldier, this is boys, it can be hard to display that tender side. Every parent of a little boy knows that warrior tendencies are part of the package. for boys. They arrived when the boy did. It doesn't matter if you never give your little guy a toy gun, he'll use his finger. You're not gonna keep a boy from using a gun. He'll find one somehow. Appalled at the idea of a toy hand grenade, creative little warriors get by fine with exploding dirt clods, nuclear pine cones, or high concussion snowballs. I heard from one frustrated lady on this score just a few weeks ago. She didn't want her little boy to conform to such violent societal expectations. She wanted him to play with peaceful things. Imagine her chagrin when he came roaring out of the bedroom, squeezing off round after round from the protruding leg of a fuzzy teddy bear. Why did he do that? It's just part of who he is as an apprentice defender. And so the point being that that is how men are made. God has made us that way. Why? Because we are to be warriors. Not to kill people, not to hurt people, but to join in the battle for his kingdom. We are in a battle. We are to be part of a a war and so we as men in a particular way are given some of the tools to do that and as God as we grow up and let God get a hold of us he can use those in the right ways sometimes as boys we don't do that like we should thirdly manner is The four parts of a man here, they are a mentor, a teacher. Men are to be the teachers primarily. Now obviously our ladies teach our children, and they teach other children, they teach school and things like that. But in many ways, we as men, there's certain things that we naturally tend to understand how they work better. And so we teach our children, we teach our sons and so forth how things work. We're to be mentors, we're to come alongside younger men and mentor them. And then they're to be a friend. And to make this point, I'm gonna read something here. This has a little more length to it. And again, if you'll bear with me on this, I think it paints the picture of what I would like to leave with you about what a man should be. So often we tend to be in one ditch or the other. We think we've gotta be strong or we've gotta be soft. It turns out we're to be both. I was a freshman in college. It was winter on the Chicagoland campus of Wheaton College. Late winter, cold, windblown, drifting snow, dead winter. A lot like my soul right then, lifeless. Never in my life had I felt so disoriented, so alone. I couldn't sleep, couldn't study. I stumbled aimlessly across the deserted center of campus. And this was Stu Weber when he was in college. I stumbled across the deserted center of campus, lost in myself, a terrible place to be. And out of nowhere, I was touched by a tender warrior. Literally, without any inkling whatsoever that there was anyone else out there, I felt a hand on my shoulder. A voice fought its way through the wind. Could I be helpful to you? I looked up into the face of Dr. Hudson R. Murding, the great-hearted president of Wheaton College. Apparently he had stayed late in the office that night. I still don't know how he found me. Had he seen me wandering in the darkness? Had he felt my pain? and in desolation from his second floor window, I don't know how he got there, but there he was, at my side, a four-sided tower of strength. The king in him bore the weight of the college on his shoulders. The warrior in him fought powerfully through the blood-draining battles facing any college president of the 60s. The mentor in him taught us history in class. in the scriptures in chapel and life in general. And the friend in him reached out and drew in a hapless freshman wandering in a deep, months-long funk. He invited me to his home. We walked the distance together, there in the warmth of his living room with everyone else in the house long asleep. He fixed two cups of tea. We talked and talked. He became my friend. He still is. One of a half dozen men who have marked my life, Hudson Armerding will always be a consummate king, warrior, mentor, friend to me. The four pillars of masculinity were balanced in Dr. Armerding. Like four strands of steel, they were woven together to form a cable that is the spine of masculinity. A good man is the balance of the four. A good warrior is also a sensitive lover, a tender warrior. A good friend is always a helpful mentor. The four are inseparable in a good man. In balance, they are every man's purpose, every woman's dream, and every child's hope. Abused, they are the curse of every man, woman, and child. I love the picture that gives. a king, a warrior, but also a mentor and a friend. That is what you are called to be as a man. It's a big calling, but God has given you the tools to do all of them. Secondly, looking at the characteristics of a four-pillared man, several things that paint a little bit more of a picture here. A four-pillared man takes initiative. And he says in the book, at his core, a man is an initiator, a piercer, one who penetrates, moves forward, advances toward the horizon, leads. At the core of masculinity is initiation, the provision of direction, security, stability, and connection. The king and warrior qualities of manhood are suspect today of the four pillars. They are the most tarnished and eroded in our culture. Secondly, a four-pillar man is staying power. And this again is one of the things that God has given us as men. There's lots of women who are strong, determined, and they have endurance. But we as men are especially given what it takes to hang in there when things are hard. Staying power is a man's greatest strength. And I'd like to read 1 Corinthians 15, and I realize this is talking, this is a general statement about all of us as believers, but especially about men, because this is one of the gifts God had given us. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, for as much as you know that your labor is not in vain in the Lord. A real man keeps His word. And again, just to balance this, we're not talking about a man who has the attitude, it's my way or the highway. That's not what we're saying. We're talking about a man that works well with other people. It's not my way or the highway, it's not my way or else. Like when I was little, I remember saying to my cousin, I'm not gonna play with you anymore, and I would run off and do something else because it wasn't going my way. That's not what a man is. Number three, a four-pillared man has a tender side, and we already talked about this, but another brief little story from the book I think illustrates it very well. For those of you that are 40 years and older especially, you may remember a desert storm, the war. And this comes after that. It says, a real man has feelings and isn't afraid to express them. Contrast John Wayne's army captain with real life hero, General Norman Schwarzkopf. How many remember him from that time? Storm and Norman, that was him. Not long after the Gulf War and the dazzling victory over Iraq, the conquering commander of Desert Storm appeared on national television in an interview with Barbara Walters. In the course of their conversation about the war, something touched the big man. This was an army general, he was a top of that whole operation. We all watched with fascination as the eyes of this career soldier with four stars in his shoulder glazed over and tears formed. Miss Walters with well-practiced bluntness said, why general, aren't you afraid to cry? Storm and Norman replied without hesitation, no Barbara, I'm afraid of a man who won't cry. This was an army general. And I'm fascinated by some of the things that we can learn from the military, though we're not part of it. I heard a retired Navy SEAL commander say once that humility is the greatest characteristic of a Navy SEAL. The greatest characteristic they should have, they certainly don't all have it. And if humility is needed, and a man who cries is needed in the military, how much more should God's people be that? Yes, we're talking about a man that is a king and a warrior, but we're talking about a man who can cry, a man who can say he's sorry. A real man says he's sorry, by the way. If it's something you're not able to do, learn how to do it. Another one here. It's just a little longer. Trying to figure out what to skip here. He's talking about, well, I'll read part of here. Recall one magnificent warrior from my past. He commanded one of the most powerful military units you could hope to see, a 5,000 man armored brigade. Goes on to describe that he was unintimidated by anyone. He was tall, handsome, articulate, a powerful leader, and a soldier's soldier. A bright man. He'd been a military speech writer for President John F. Kennedy. Colonel Smith applied himself fully to the task. He took his mission seriously, and every man in the brigade knew it. Don't mess with the colonel. Don't mess with the mission. Don't mess up, just don't mess, period. Get it right. But the colonel took more than his mission seriously. He took his men seriously. He loved his soldiers, actually loved them. I, Stu Weber, was one of them, and I felt that love, so did my wife. Linda was pregnant, our first. This young, fuzzy-cheeked butter bar and his wife were going to have a baby. We were thrilled, couldn't wait. I walked taller. Linda smiled more. Life was rich. Plans were in place. The nursery was taking shape. It was big time. And then it happened. I was in the field with the brigade of maneuvers. Linda was alone. 10,000 miles from home, from her mother and from friends, she began to bleed. Then she miscarried, and my young wife's world began to spin like a crazy top, out of control. Colonel Smith called me to his headquarters. My commanding officer met me with tenderness beyond anything I had ever observed in him. In a quiet voice with his eyes locked into mine, my CO began describing what had happened to Linda and our baby. He told me it hurt her, but more than the physical loss, he told me it hurt her inside, at the core of her feminine soul. Most insightfully, he spoke to me of her heart, what he anticipated she was experiencing. Lieutenant, he said, your lady needs you right now. Much more than this brigade does. In her heart, she's probably wondering if she has somehow failed. Let you down. Let herself down. Let her child down. Go to her, he said. Take several days off. Stay with her. Talk to her. Reassure her. Love her. You ask if I understood. Yes, sir, I said. Thank you, sir. I saluted and turned to go. He stopped me. With a smile and a wink, he said, Lieutenant, Tell her it isn't the end of the world. Tell her Mrs. Smith and I have suffered several miscarriages. You can do this, your future is still very bright, and don't forget that. Again, I'm fascinated that a man in the military who is tough as they need to be can have that kind of a tender side to them. Again, that's what we're called to. Fourthly, a four-pillared man is under orders. He's willing to be under orders from someone else. A man who can't come under the authority of another generally will not be a great leader. If you have trouble coming under others, don't try to lead. Moving on to the second part here, the magnitude of a father's influence. What does the Bible say about this? And I'm fascinated by, there's not a lot in the Bible about it, but there's a few verses that talk about these kinds of things. Proverbs 17, six, children's children are the crown of old men and the glory of children are their fathers. The ESV says the glory It says, grandchildren are the crown of the age and the glory, ornament, beauty, bravery of children as their fathers. And one of the things that is a blessing that God has put in place in the hearts of our children is an inclination to give us their heart when they're young. We have an advantage as parents that no one else has in training our children because God has created it. There's a bond there where the children give, they want to give their heart to you. And God has built that in. And only after repeated fits of anger, abuse, or rejection, will a child finally begin pulling back that heart, taking it away from you, and giving it to someone else. They want to give their heart to you, especially of you as fathers. And so use that natural desire. All of you that have had sons, you know, young sons and growing up, see how that they want to follow you around. They wanna see what you're doing and they want to, some more than others. I've had some sons who were a little bit more to themselves and then others that wanted to shadow me, you know, follow me in everything I'm doing, especially on Saturdays when I'm doing the honeydew list and they wanna be there helping. And that God has built that right into them. And generally speaking, it will stay if we do our part in that. I realize there's factors, regardless how well we do at times, our children experience years where they, well, where you don't feel like you're their hero. Speaking of the book, the hero book here, the premise of this book is just what I was talking about. that the fact is that you as fathers are your children's hero. You don't have to try to be, you just are. And she emphasizes that in the book. And this is a statement from the book that you may not agree with. This is her observation after having seen thousands of children. This was a new idea to me. I'm not sure even why we have the opposite concept necessarily, but she says this there's a misconception that Mothers are the center of a child's world Too often we have the idea that fathers are optional and That often the best thing for them to do is to just stay out of the way I'll say it again moms are absolutely necessary but sir dads And to kids, it is dads who are the center of the family. I'd never thought of it that way before. Maybe you have, but most of the people who I've introduced this idea to were kind of taken aback by it. It feels like mom, because she nurtures that child and she feeds that child and spends so much time with it, it would be the center of the child's world. And in a sense, that is true. And it's not minimizing the mother. That is not what I'm saying here tonight at all. The point I want to make with this is simply the fact that we as fathers are at times much more important to our children than we realize. The things that we do, the tone of voice we're using around the house, our mood, just the mood we come in the door with. And she says this in the book, Dad, every day your children are watching you to see how you feel about life and how you feel about them. when they first see you in the morning and when you come in the door of your home after a day of work. Again, after having observed and worked with thousands of children, she's learned, according to her observation, that children are constantly watching their dads to find out if they matter and what dad thinks of them. She says it really matters to them because in many respects, whether we're intentional about it or not, we set the tone of the household. That's what she says. And her thought is that children subconsciously are always asking these questions about their dad. Dad, what do you believe about me? Am I good, am I smart, am I stupid? Secondly, dad, how do you feel about me? Am I lovable? Am I good? Do you like me or are you ashamed of me? And thirdly, dad, what are your hopes for me? Do you have hopes for me? Do I have a future, dad? And one of the things that's interesting is, well, I guess I'll be talking about that, I'll leave that for a second here or for a few minutes. Children usually answer those questions in their heart by observing your body language. more than the things you say. And one of the stories she tells, Meg Meeker, as a young single, I guess she would have been probably around 20, she was in her low 20s, she had graduated from undergrad and she was wanting to get into med school. Her dad was a doctor and she wanted to do that as well. And she had applied to I believe it was a dozen or maybe several dozen colleges and she could not get in anywhere. She was just failing. She was constantly being rejected by these schools. And she became very discouraged about it and felt like there was no hope for her. And one day she came home, she came in the door, she walked in through the house and she heard her dad in his study on the telephone. He was talking to a friend of his. And as he was talking, he said, yeah, he said, my daughter Meg, she wants to go, or no, he said, she is planning to go to medical school. She, in the next several years, she will be going to medical school. And the way he said it with a certainty in his voice and a belief in her as a person, Changed everything. And it was a very meaningful point in her life. Just because of her dad believing in her made a big difference. I found this fascinating. She says this, behind closed doors at my office, kids tell me that they cry when dads yell at them because they desperately want dad to think they're wonderful. They tell me that they think of you, dad, as the strongest, smartest man there is. They think of you as a great man. They think of you as a hero, their hero, because you are their dad. The one authority figure they want to please one or any other, not their mother, not their coach, not their teacher, you. Daughters have told me in one breath that their fathers drive them crazy, and in the next, they feel safer when their father's at home. Sons have told me they get terribly nervous when their fathers show up to their baseball or soccer games, but if those same fathers don't show up, they feel unloved. These are children, and they're confused about many things, but they are not confused about who you are to them. More than anything else, they want your approval. They want to meet the standard you set for them, because you will always be their dad. I'm told that professional athletes who had an absent father or who didn't even know who their father was as they were growing up. Years later in their adulthood, as they're on the field playing their sport, they will instinctively look into the stands to see if their dad is watching. Men have given testimonies of this. That's how strong the need for a father is in a child's life. And dads, if someday you want to hand off to a fine young man a healthy, confident daughter who will love that man with all her being, be a dad to her today. Believe in her. If you want your son to treat his girlfriend or his wife with respect and honor as a young lady, should be treated, model it to him by being a tender warrior today. Makes a big difference. Shifting gears just a little bit here about our role in the home. We as dads, and obviously it's some more than others, some fathers just naturally they want to be involved in everything in the house. They wanna do everything. Others are a bit more passive, but we need to be involved. We don't need to do everything. We have a job, we have other responsibilities, and our wife takes care of things at home, but we can easily fall into a habit where we just let our wives carry the brunt of all of that. And the classic example that we hear all the time is we get home from work, we're tired, we wanna sit on the couch, and it used to be read the newspaper. Today it's the phone, right? And especially for men whose wife has a strong personality, maybe she naturally leads better than you do. I've talked to plenty of men like that. Some of you may understand that. It's really easy to just kind of sit back and just let her take the brunt. But we need to dig in and be a dad. There's gonna be a hole in our home if we don't pick up things that are meant to be our role. And sometimes, some of you ladies may need to just back off and wait for your husband to kick in gear. Or you may need to allow them to fail. I know how clumsy I was when I first changed the diaper. I mean, you know, the ladies do it and everything's clean and all the stuff is where it belongs. When we as men do it, it kind of gets everywhere, you know? Allow your husband to fail. Not just in diaper changing, but other things related to children. I think it's so important. And many young fathers, I think especially today, but it probably was always this way. Many young fathers are very intimidated by a little baby and how fragile they are and what do I do with this thing? But ladies, let your husband be the dad. A few thoughts here again from the book. She says, fathers have confided in me that when they first held their babies, they felt terrified as well as incapable, inadequate, ill-equipped, and even stupid. Rather than ask for help, they relegate baby care to their wives because they don't want to risk failing as a father. Don't do this, dads. And here's why. Most mothers feel the same way. I was in medical school when our first child was born. My pediatrician told me that since I wanted to go into pediatrics, there was nothing he needed to tell me about childcare. I almost burst into tears. Becoming a mother is an overwhelming experience, full of emotion and full of fear, and if you feel the heavy weight of responsibility as a dad, so does mom. What if I couldn't feed my daughter? I had never breastfed her before. What if I dropped her, didn't hear her cry at night, forgot about her in the backseat of the car and she suffocated? What if she choked, stopped breathing or got a high fever? I was almost a physician and I believe deep down that I really didn't have what it took to be a good mom. And my husband didn't feel any better. He was working all the time and worried about not bonding with her. So if you are afraid and feeling inadequate, welcome to the parents club. Most of us feel that way, even pediatricians. The fact is, regardless of whether you're a man or a woman, getting into parenthood, we don't have much training, do we? It's just kind of learn on the job. But God has given us the tools we need to get started, and the grace to do it, and to do it well. And by the way, ladies, when your husbands hustle around with the children or throw the babies up in the air on all these crazy dangerous things, did you know those things actually are very healthy for a child's development? There's a reason that God made dads that way. He didn't make you that way. He made you to keep them safe. He made them to teach them that some risk is fine and to develop some mental toughness. It really actually is built that way. That's healthy. And so let dads be dad in their home. The last one is the attitude and heart of a father. Just a few thoughts from this book. I think this might be the last one here, but he talks in here about Malachi. And there in chapter four, where it talks about the hearts of the fathers turning toward the children. And this is the verse in the NIV. See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers. While I do not understand all that passage means, I do believe it is a significant statement of God's intention that human history be viewed in familial terms that men, fathers, are critical to the Father's design, and that there will be no peace on earth until men learn what it is to be a man, a man after God's heart. The biblical faith understands that healing between fathers and children is not simply a psychological exercise. to bring greater peace of mind. Instead, it is the essential prerequisite to fulfilling God's purposes on earth. When fathers are reconciled with their sons and their daughters, God's saving power is released among us. Conversely, when fathers and children remain at odds with one another, powers of destruction are beckoned. I don't understand exactly how all that works. But when a child knows that their dad is for them, that child is gonna make a difference in this world. They care about what mom thinks. But the fact is that children assume mom is always gonna love them. There's something about a woman that we just kinda know, don't we? We just assume a mom is gonna love her children. And the children know that as well, but they don't assume that about you. Something about your strength and the things that you bring into the home, they need to know. They need to see your body language confirm that and affirm that. But when they know that you as dad are for them, whether it's son or daughter, they are gonna go somewhere in their life, generally speaking. One of the things I noticed, after God changed some things in my heart and I began to understand my wife better and to hear her heart more, my heart turned more toward our children. I consciously noticed the difference, and so that is important as well. Ephesians 6 verse four, and ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. There's a very similar verse in Colossians. These are very familiar to all of you. Colossians 3.21, fathers, provoke not your children to anger lest they be discouraged. Why does the Bible have those very pointed verses about the dad? I have not found one verse in the Bible where it tells a mother to love her children. to nurture them, to care for them, but it does for us as dads. And I believe it's because of the fact that we are a warrior. And so sometimes we lose that tenderness, we forget that that is part of the nurturing. It's not just about whipping them into shape and having them behave just as they ought, not embarrass us and all these things, but It's about doing it in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. It's about being a tender warrior. How do we provoke them to anger? I'd like your feedback on this one. How do we as fathers sometimes provoke our children to anger? There's multiple ways. You've probably seen it either in your home or someone's. We used to say that there are ridiculous fathers. We used to say that you never amount to anything. You never be anything. Or a father who went home. They were either in jail or killed or whatever. How are you going to reach a generation like this right now? You can preach it to the choir. This is the choir. This is not reality. This is the choir. But how do we do it to the people out there, the people in Los Angeles? You come from New York. Dysfunctional families. Where the fathers and mothers are not there, what do we do? How do we provoke our children to anger? While you think about it, I'll just tell you a story. I just heard a 76-year-old man say that when he was a boy, 10, 12 years old, His job used to be to brush down the horse after they used the horse. It's an Amish family. And his dad came in there one day when he was brushing down and taking care of the horse and he said, if you don't learn how to do this better, we're gonna have to find you a different home. He also told this young man several times that you're never gonna amount to anything. I just heard this the other day. I heard this man say it. From his own lips. And maybe some of you have heard that. That's one of the ways. Well, that's how we discourage them, certainly. What are other ways that we can provoke our children to anger? I'm waiting, because I know you have some. He is mentoring a young man. He's not young anymore. His name is Tom. His dad and him were doing something and Tom failed at it. His dad told him, Tom, you're always going to be a bum. And through his life, that same, his dad said, Tom, you're going to be a bomb. And to this day, his dad's long died, but he's still trying to prove that he's not a bomb. And he's not afraid to mow over other people extremely successfully. He maybe didn't have quite the knowledge that some of them, so his dad told him, if you was a horse, I'd send you to the children's lifestyle option. Very nice. Yeah, what else? That's exactly, that's one of the ones I've written down, being inconsistent. Today we say this, we're very strict about a certain thing and tomorrow we, I'm reading the newspaper, I'm looking at my phone and I don't worry about it, whatever it might be. Yeah, thank you for that. What else? Any of you ever teased your children? I'm sure some of you have and I'm not saying all teasing is wrong. But it can become very, very hurtful. It can be very discouraging and be very harmful to our children if we tease them too much. Any others? Favoritism. Favoring one or the other. Absolutely. We saw what happened to Joseph's brothers in the Bible, right? Made them very angry. Shame. Shaming them. What about being harsh? Just being too harsh? Your children know when you're too harsh. And I believe, you know, we'd like, especially today's world, we'd like to be a friend of our children. But your job is to be their parent. At the same time, and so you're to be a parent, be a parent to them, guide them. And sometimes we need to talk with some strength, but we never need to be harsh. And our children know when we are too harsh. They can sense it, they can feel it. They know when it's overdone. And by the way, does talking louder help? in the grand scheme of things. I'm talking long term now. Maybe in a moment, your children may know that at a certain volume, I better get out of bed now, or I better go get ready for church or whatever. But does it really help? You're shaking your head no back there. Why not? The wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. Yeah, you had some, I can't think of your first name, but Mr. Beachy there. You're indicating that you didn't really mean it when you said it softly. I've done it way too often, but I believe when we intentionally lower our voice, it makes more of an impact on our children. In fact, talking quiet enough that they have to strain to hear may at times be more effective than raising our voices. Closing with a few thoughts here. And this may sound like the opposite of all the things we're talking about, that's not my intention, but some of us, if you're like I was, and sometimes still am, maybe you have your ideals way up here, and you're shooting for the stars, and you're determined your children are gonna, they're gonna shake themselves, they're gonna turn out right, they're gonna behave, and you're gonna get this thing down pat, but sometimes, we simply need to relax. and just enjoy our children. That's some advice I should have heard as a young man. When I was 25, 30 years old, I wish a man would have sat me down and said, Dathan, enjoy your children. It doesn't all have to be perfect. Love them. And so, don't get so aggravated about their needs and their struggles. Be sure you enjoy your children. Love on them. and enjoy them. All right, let's stand and we'll have a closing prayer. Shall we pray? God, we thank you for the privilege that you have given to us as your people to Study, read your word to apply it in our lives and we thank you for the fruit that you have brought in our lives and our families and our churches because of that. At the same time, we also are made of the same stuff as Adam and Eve were and those in the world where we have our carnality at times to deal with and at times we struggle and we make mistakes. At times we sin against our families, God, and we say things that make it difficult, and I just pray, God, you would help us to continue to striving, not for perfection, but to have healthy homes. Homes where your love is present, and where the fathers are not only present, but committed and involved. And help us, God, to those who may be here this evening with heartache in some form or other from their home life, things that have happened, loss in various ways. I just pray you would comfort them and be a blessing to them. And any fathers here who are heavy with shame from ways they have failed, you would help them, God. Lay that on you to confess and repent and allow you to change their hearts and to give them strength. God, we all so much need your grace as we strive to be godly fathers in the world that we live in today. Commit our evening to you, in Jesus' name, amen. You're dismissed.