Thank you for being here. We're finishing up the section on singles. So we have we approach that subject with the conviction that the Bible contains everything for which we need a word from God on this subject. That's what it means to believe in the sufficiency of Scripture, that you believe that the Bible has everything for which you need a word from God on that subject. So when you have a subject that's important to you and you diligently study Scripture and you find the Scripture doesn't give you the precise answer you're looking for. Although many people do it in a pious mood, the course of faith is not to say, well, I've got to find some way to get that answer from God. God doesn't tell me who the name of my spouse is, but I need Him to tell me who that name is and find that one person. That's really not the course of faith. The course of faith is to say, God's told me everything that He wants me to know. Everything He sees me as needing to know to make that decision in a way that pleases Him, in a way that He'll bless. And so I need to use what He's given me. and make that decision in a way that honors him and shows faith. It's not faith to say, OK, I know you say that Scripture has everything that I need, that I might be equipped for every good work, but I don't think it does. I think I need to pray and get more than that's in the Bible. That's not faith. That's not submission to what God says about his word. So we looked at that specifically As it applies to the position of the single, and we saw that Scripture says a lot in terms of absolutes that a single needs to know who he may or may not marry, what God's will is about marriage, while God describes marriage and so forth. And then we spent a good deal of time talking about. using wisdom to apply everything else that Scripture says. And we saw that Scripture gives truckloads of wisdom and guidance for unmarried people as they look at marriage, as they think about marriage, as they make that decision. So I gave you a number of specific, specific things, character traits, traits in a man that you see in a man, you think, yes, now here's a man who's ready to marry and he'd be a good person to marry. And then red lights that say, OK, here's the kind of guy I need to steer away from would not be a good man to trust as my lifelong husband. Same thing for women. We saw things that are green lights, things that are that show a godly growing character in a woman. And we saw. things that are red lights, that if you're courting, you're dating, you kiss dating goodbye or whatever you did, but you're getting to know this person and you see these things and they just say, road out, detour, turn around, run for your life, and you do that, that's using God's wisdom. So I want to end by just showing you how to do more with this a little bit, and then we'll get into talking about marriage, per se, because, as I said, I want to say again, don't think that I think that I told you everything the Bible can say. I could I could go months and months getting into what Scripture says in terms of wisdom that it would give to an unmarried person in making a wise decision about marriage. So don't don't think that I'm telling you that I've told you everything that I can tell you. I haven't at all. What I've done is I've given you some things and I hope I've shown you how to do it. So I want to just take a couple more verses and show you for instances of how how to use this. So everybody turn to Proverbs 12 for instance. So I know that this is this is a verse we looked at, but let's look at it again and let's read it as you would read it as an unmarried person or as you would encourage. an unmarried friend or a child to look at these verses. Your parent preparing your children for marriage. I hope you are not just hoping for the best, but actually preparing them in Scripture for marriage. So you get to this verse. Proverbs 12 for who will read that for me. John, please. OK, thank you very much. Virtuous women are the N.A.S. says an excellent wife, probably a better translation in older English, virtuous meant strong. And that's what the Hebrew word really means. It means a woman of strength, a woman of strong godly character or excellent, the N.A.S. says. So you would reading through Proverbs and you would see that and it's talking about the kind of wife that God calls excellent. You'd look at that verse and you'd you'd first ask yourself, the first question to ask is, What does this say to me as a single person? What wisdom is God giving me to apply in my life? I'm a girl. I'm thinking about being married one day. So what does this tell me God would treasure in me? What does this tell me that God would want me to mortify as a sin, that God would want me to identify as a work of the flesh? that I find myself, you know, very snarky mouth and very emasculating, very sarcastic, very bitter. And I find that I that that's just the natural way I talk to two guys. And I think, boy, if I married somebody like that, which side of this verse would I be like? Would I be like the A side or the B side? the side that's the best seller or the flip side that's not so good. Would I be an excellent wife or would I be what God calls somebody who's like rottenness in my husband's bones? And then I, as a single person, I start cultivating the quality of being the sort of wife who makes her husband feel like a king, who's a crown to him, rather than the sort of wife who emasculates him and tears him apart and makes it so he's barely got the strength to crawl out the door. And then secondly, I ask myself, What does this say to me about my prospective spouse as a single? Here's a verse about a woman. So I'm a man dating a woman and I look at her and I evaluate her according to this verse. What does this say about her? Is she the sort who emboldens me to attempt greater things for God? Because I know she's got my back and I know she'll encourage me. I know even if I'm wrong, she'll help me figure that out and she'll help me clean it up and she'll encourage and help me with it. Or will it become something I hear about for the rest of my life? and makes me afraid to ever try anything again, ever. And still, as a married person, you look at this, and a woman looks at this and says, what does this say to me as a married woman? Which kind of these lines am I being towards my husband? Am I bringing a crown to him or am I shaming him? Am I strengthening and encouraging him or am I tearing him down and emasculating him? And again, what does this say to my spouse? You know, a man who's married to the line A sort of woman wants to be sure to treasure her and encourage her and praise her and thank her and never ran out of ways to show how much he appreciates her. So every verse like this can have an application. Look at verse 15 for something a man can apply to himself. Who read that for me? Verse 15. So you will. Thank you. Same for questions. A young unmarried man looks at this. Now you say, well, that has applications to both sexes. Yes, it does. But like I said, characteristically, Proverbs frames it in the masculine. And so. Line A is a warning. The way of a fool is right in his own eyes. So as a single man, I would ask myself, what does this say to me? Am I the sort of person who nobody can tell me anything? Because I always think I'm headstrong. I'd never go in for counsel. I could never accept criticism. And people who know me know I'll blow up. So they just tiptoe around me because they don't dare say anything to me. Or do I value it and welcome it? A woman dating a man looks at him and should evaluate him the same way. Is he the sort of man who always thinks he's right and can never think that he's wrong, never admits mistakes, never admits errors, never can own up to anything? Or is he the sort of man who will listen to counsel? Line B. Will he accept wise advice from his father, my father, his pastor, his elders, his Christian brothers, me? Does he listen to wise counsel or is he just moody, mercurial, headstrong, and impulsive. And boy, that is not a good person to marry. And again, you look at it as a married person and you ask yourself, as a husband, do I do everything I can to make it easy for my wife to confront me and to talk to me from the Word of God and to share concerns with me? Do I show her I value that and appreciate that? Seek counsel from my elders, from other people, and welcome it, even if it's not what I want to hear. And even if I end up not agreeing with it, do I still value it and glad that people are telling me what they think and take it very seriously? And then again, a woman married to a man like this who is a wise man. Be sure to encourage and build them up, just as we said, from the from the flip side. So these are all ways that you can use verse after verse and proverbs and epistles to help you make a wise. godly decision. And before we leave this, I want to warn you against the, I really want to warn you strongly against the, but I know someone who, and it worked out all right, trap. I really want to warn single people against that. I want to equip everyone who knows and loves single peoples with how to answer that because You know, I very strongly made the case that a single person should not get involved with an unbeliever, a single Christian should not get involved with an unbeliever. And I referred you an article, I hope by now every one of you has read, about how words and choices clash when a supposed Christian marries someone who's upfront about the fact that, you know, he does not follow Christ, is not a believer, is not showing in his life that he's really submitted to Christ as Lord and Savior. So the thing that you often hear, though, is somebody will say, well, but I know somebody who married an unbeliever and God saved that person after they got married and everything worked out fine. Or I know somebody who married an unbeliever, and even though he's not been saved, he's a really great guy and they have a really happy marriage. Or I know somebody who dated a believer in this and that and the other thing. So let's break that down. What you're saying when you say that, what you're saying when you say that is you're saying, I know somebody who did something foolish and God dishonoring, and it worked out OK. So I think it's OK to do that, too. Now, is that godly reasoning? Is that God honoring reasoning? When God works sin to good, does that encourage us to sin? Do you think that when God works graciously in the life of somebody who sinned, that he does that so that person will feel better about sinning more and so that other people look at his example and feel encouraged to sin more? That when God is gracious and merciful to a fool who does foolish things, that his intent in doing that is so that fools say, you know what? Folly is not that bad. Making foolish decisions I know better than is all right because God's so good he works it out. Do you think that that's God's intent? Or I could put this scripturally. Do you think God really wants us to say, let me sin that grace may abound? Oh, see, now you realize I read that phrase somewhere. Yeah, you did. You read that in Romans chapter six, because at the end of Romans chapter five, Paul was talking about Adam and Christ, and he was talking about how Adam's one sin made the whole subset of his natural children sinners. And one act of rebellion worked out for guilt and condemnation to everybody. But Christ. By one act of obedience on the cross, he constituted all of his people righteous and brought great grace and saving and benefit. And so Paul ends the chapter by saying where sin abounded, grace all the more abounded. But then he knows somebody reads that and says, oh, if a lot of sin made even more grace. Why not sin more and get even more grace? And so that is exactly what people who are doing when they say that I know somebody who did this and that. But God says, don't do that. The word says is foolish to do. And it worked out all right. Well, try this. I just I just recently heard the story. Suppose a true story. I heard this is a true story. about a woman who was a Christian and in a I think she was in a concentration camp. I forget the exact details, but she would not back off in a Christian testimony. And this officer meant to kill her. He meant to kill her. He he could not get her to do what he wanted her to do. So he just pointed his revolver at her head and pulled the trigger. Click, nothing happened. So he pulled the trigger again, click, nothing happened. So he looked at his gun and he examined it and he fixed it, he fixed the jam or something, pointed the pistol at her head, pulled the trigger again, click, nothing happened. And so he just said, oh, get out. So as you're teaching gun safety to your children, Do you teach them this story and say, now, I think you shouldn't point your weapon at anyone unless you mean to shoot them. But you know, even if you do, I know a place where God stopped a gun from going off. So if God really doesn't want you to shoot anybody, it'll work out okay. How many would teach their kids to handle guns that way? No. Or tell me this, if you were teaching your kids gun safety, as my boys will tell you, they've heard again and again, every time I hand them a gun basically, What are the rules of gun safety? And the first one they say is don't point at anything you shouldn't shoot. In other words, don't point at a person. Now, suppose one of my boys said, don't point at anything you shouldn't shoot. But you know, I heard a story, Dad, about somebody who tried to shoot somebody and God stopped the gun. So I figure even if I do, it'll be OK because of God's will. Do you think I would let that child come within a mile of one of my guns? No, that's stupid. So is this. So is this. Or let me try another story. I know a time when human authorities accused a man of wrongdoing wrongly. And they tortured him. And they put him to a mockery of a trial. And they condemned him. And they hanged him on a cross. A man who had never committed any crime. The most righteous man who ever lived. And out of that, God saved countless thousands of millions of people from all tribes and tongues and nations. So I guess, you know, we ought to try to be just in our laws. But, you know, if we execute guilty, innocent people, if we do a travesty of justice, God will bring great good out of it. Do you think that that's a good way to teach civics or governments or to charge a jury? You know, try to listen. But even if you're wrong, it doesn't matter because look at Calvary. God works great good out of evil. No, God works great good out of evil because he's gracious, because he's merciful and not to encourage us to keep sinning and doing stupid things. And so likewise, with this decision. OK, any questions as we turn from this and begin to look more specifically at marriage? Bruce. Related to that last point is the argument. Well, you did it, so it must be OK. Yeah. Yeah, a parent who has done this sin, yeah, has put himself in a difficult situation to say, yeah, but don't do what I did. But you know, don't we always, to some degree, if we are parents who have ever committed any sin, we all sin in some degree. And so we don't, and God is merciful and gracious, but we don't say to our kids, that makes it okay to sin. That makes it okay to do foolishly. Yeah, it can be a difficult situation. Any other questions or anything on this before we move on? All right, take out your new outline, please. God's words to husbands and wives intro. What I mean to do here is just sort of take an overview of this. This is just an aerial view, you know, like flying over the forest to get the shape of the trees and where the lakes and the rivers are. And I'm going to make some introductory remarks about it and just a few observations about it. And then we'll come back in weeks to come, Lord willing, and look more closely at what the verses say specifically to husband or to wives, to husbands and to husbands and wives. And then once I've told you everything I know, then we'll be done. So a few more weeks to take care of it. We'll see. So, first of all, overview. These are not all the passages that say anything to married people, but these are the major passages that say something to both married people. Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Peter 3. So let's look at all of them. And as we read them, turn to Ephesians 5. As we read them, try to be sensitive to two things which we're going to talk about. Try to be sensitive to the form, because there's something that each of these passages have in common as to how the writers proceed. And I want you to be sensitive as to any conditions in these sections. You know, if this happens, do this. If that happens, do the other thing. I want you to kind of be sensitive to that. That's what we're going to talk about in the next. So. Let's read the first. Let me just split it up randomly. First, I need to volunteer for verses 22 through 27. All of us, someone who hasn't read, who'd like to read 22 through 27. Yes, Lorraine, please. And 28 through the end, through 33, who will read that? Somebody, please, or I'll call on somebody. Betty, please. All right, thank you. So Ephesians 5, 22 through 26, through 27, Lorraine. But as the Church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that he might present to himself the Church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she should be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also loves the church, because we are members of his body. For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall live with his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is grave, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the Church. Nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife, even as himself, and let the wife speak to him that she respect her. Thank you both very much. OK, and then I just want to glance ahead in Chapter six, he says. Children obey your parents. And then he says, verse four, fathers do not provoke your children to anger. Then in verse five, he says, slaves be obedient to those who your masters according to the flesh. And in verse nine, he says, and masters do the same things to them. So a few comments about this before we move on. For one thing, this right here is the most extended section in the New Testament that deals with marriage. It gives the longest word to husbands and the longest word to wives. It is part of a section that you find in a few letters that Martin Luther called a house table by which something like that, by which he meant kind of like a list of instructions to the household, a list of instructions to those in the household. Apostles always very practical minded and not just ivory tower academics. They know the average household of that day would have parents and have children and have It might have slaves working on it, might have masters. And so they speak to the people in the house. That's that's what this is. It's a it's a section of household instructions. There are many people who want to say that they're Christians and like certain parts of the Bible and that they would look at something like this and that they would say that it's very culturally relative. So before we even look at the rest, let me ask you about that. How would you respond to somebody who says, well, yeah, this reflects the way women were and the way men were in Paul's day. And look, he talks about slaves. We don't have slaves today. This is dated and we need to adjust it because there has been evolution, there's been development, there's been growth. We've grown in our Christian understandings. We apply some of the truths of the gospel better than Paul did. He was a child of his own culture, and so he just did the best he could to kind of work with what he had and to put charity and love and stuff in that. But this is not something that we should look at and think that this is a law for us, because Society's changed. Culture's changed. We're not first century Jewish society, right? We're 21st century American society, totally different setting. Some would say these women were very uneducated and so forth. And so that they didn't have the opportunities and it would be shocking. It would have disgraced the gospel if Paul had said anything different. I'm just telling you things that I've read and heard. This is the sort of thing people say that if Paul had Had said, you know, husbands and wives, you're equal, you're equal in authority, make your own decisions, work it out, flip coins. If he just said stuff like that, it would have been outrageous and shocking and nobody would listen to the gospel because Paul was being revolutionary and it would have been distracting from what was more important to Paul. So he just worked with what he had because it's the best that he had. So how would you respond to that? Say, ask my pastor. What do I say? Yeah, John, what would you say? Yes, that's a very good answer. The gospel is revolutionary in itself. That's right. That's right. If God wanted to fit in with the culture, he would never have given that gospel. And that's right. That's a very good answer. Very good answer. Jonathan. It's also a very good answer. If God wanted to please everyone, it'd be a very short Bible. It'd just say, do what you want. Use your best judgment. Hope it works out. See you in heaven. Yeah, exactly. Yes, Nancy. Yes, it's true too. Let me give you kind of a, all of these are good answers, but look at the text. There's some answers in the text that we just read. So don't, don't lift your mind from the text. It has built in some answers to that too. So let's go there as well. All these answers are good answers, but do that too. Valerie. in Christ, which doesn't change, because he says that Christ is the head of the church. And in verse 23, and he says so in 24. So he's showing a relationship of Christ to the church being like wife and husband. And that's a universal, timeless truth, not a cultural, not seen to a particular culture. I want to spend some time, just a moment or two on that, not rush away. I think I think that is the best answer from this passage. All the other answers are good, but that's the best one from this passage. Just notice that Paul doesn't say. Wives, be subordinate to your husbands because this is pleasing in the sight of man. Husbands, love your wives because that's what a decent Jew does. He doesn't ground it in, or he doesn't say like he says in other ways, because this is good and pleasing in the sight of people and keeps a good testimony or something like that. He doesn't do that. He says, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. That's transcultural. That has nothing to do with first century Judaism, first century Greek culture, 21st century. This is transcultural. Christ's love for the church is, well, we hope it doesn't change. Does he still love the church in 21st century America? I hope so. Well, actually, you know, I mean, I'm asking it facetiously, but notice that what, as Valerie points out, his act of love is Calvary. And so that's never going to change. That's a fact of history. So you, wherever you are, whenever you're reading this letter, love your wife like Christ loved the church when he gave himself for her at Calvary and wife subordinate yourself to your husband as the church does to Christ, because this is the relationship of the church in Christ. I see your hand, Betty. I'll get to you in a second. This is the relationship of the church in Christ, not in a certain place or in a certain culture, but always wherever there's Christ in the church, the Christ. And can you imagine? ever reversing those roles. As Christ subordinates himself to the church, you know, chaos. No, the Christ always is Lord. Every culture, every time. So this passage, Paul grounds it in not society, not culture, not what looks best or even would be most winsome so we can preach the gospel to them, but in the relationship of Christ and the church. Yes, Betty. Yes. Amen. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Amen. Right. Supernatural. Supernatural. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That doesn't change from culture to culture. People are people every time, every day. That's exactly right. There's a lot of wisdom in what Betty just said. Let me go with that a little bit, because this contrasts what I think is the disciples' minds and the rebels' minds. There are a lot of people who want to call themselves Christians, but they approach Christianity like it's an ongoing negotiation. Do you know what I mean by that? They approach Christianity like they have the rights to negotiate the parts of the Bible that they find congenial to them and leave out the parts that they don't. And so they approach the Bible, really, if you examine the way they think, they approach the Bible with this assumption. I'm fit to judge what's in the Bible. morally, spiritually. And so, I apply my judgment and I find that this doesn't make sense to me, so I will change it. Now, the mind of a disciple comes to Christ and confesses Him as Lord, says, I'm a wrecked, ruined sinner and I need you to teach me, so teach me. and sits at his feet and looks at the Bible. And when it comes to a difficult part like this, that is a woman, he comes and she comes to this part and says, oh, submission, I do not like hearing that word. Or a man says, I got to love the same woman. I've got to love herself sacrificially. I need to love her like Jesus did. I need to be willing to die, put my own moods and my own preferences aside and give myself for her. Do not feel like that. He goes to that and she goes to that and says, but this is the wisdom of my God for me. This is what my God says I need. So I need it. How do I conform to it? The other mindset says, how do I conform to it? To me, it's in my culture. So that's that's the Christian way of thinking, that you start with the assumption God's way wiser than I am by an infinite margin. I mean, you know, we chuckle, but there are a lot of people who haven't got that yet. You know, they haven't got that pillar of wisdom that there is a God and you aren't him, you know, and they haven't worked that out yet. So so this will help us for the next two. Let's look at the next two Colossians, chapter three. Cautions is kind of a sister letter to Ephesians. Probably wrote them at about the same time. There are a lot of similarities, but this section is a lot shorter. What new reader would like to read verses 16 through 19 for me? Cautions 3, 16 through 19. Waiting for a volunteer. Sarah. 19. Yeah. Thank you very much. So I include verses 16 and 17, because and we'll talk about this more when we get to this verse, Lord willing. But because it's important to see being a husband, being a wife is just a part of being a Christian. I think many married people come to think of it as an exception, but it's not. It's part of being a Christian, and I need to let the word of Christ dwell richly in my church, and it needs to dwell richly in my marriage. Whatever you do in word and deed, do in the name of the Lord Jesus, meaning in obedience to him. And that includes being a wife and that includes being a husband. And now Paul says specifically how to do this. This is how you be a husband in the name of the Lord Jesus. This is how you be a wife in the name of the Lord Jesus, you see. So this is simply part of Christian discipleship. Finally, turn to first Peter three. And then we make some see how many of my remarks I can make this week. Always a bit of a, you know, suspenseful. So versus one through nine, let's split it up one through five, one through five and six through nine. Who will read me one through five? Great, Aaron, would you please read that and who will read me six through nine? Yes, please, Paul. OK, first Peter one, three, the first Peter three, one through five, Aaron. Likewise, wives should be subject to your own customs, so that even if some cannot obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see you respectful of their conduct. Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair, the putting on of gold robes, or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the giving person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women, who hoped in God, used to abhor themselves by submitting to their own customs, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters he loved as long as he knew well and was not afraid of any arrangement. Likewise, be husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and in being heirs together, the grace of life, that your prayers be not inerred. Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous, not rendering equal for equal, for morality, for morality, Thank you very much. So you see, often people don't include verses eight and nine, but he says to sum up to sum up what what he's saying here is not something that to to which marriage is an exception. This applies to marriage as well. And Peter just gives it absolutely. And when he wants to come up with an example, he reaches back 2000 years in the past. to Sarah, 1,900 years, 2,000 years in the past. So he doesn't see this as being a cultural thing either. So now, in terms of application for the next eight minutes, let's see what I can do with this. So note the form of, oh, I need to, I wanna see how much I gave you in that one, how much I gave you. There it is. OK, so the form of each in terms of addressees, do you know anything? Did you notice anything about these three passages about the form of address? That may be too vague of a question, but you know, we're all friends here, Amy. Yeah, there you go. That's exactly what I meant. Yeah, you do sharp ladies caught me. starts with the wives and then the husband. And he does this in every relationship. He starts with the person in subordination, then the authority. Wives, then husbands. Children, then parents. Slaves, then masters. He does that each time. Starts off with the person who's to be in subjection and then talks to the person who's supposed to be the leader. Now, I want to talk about something else about that. That's the order. But do you notice, see if this question works, you're such a sharp bunch. Do you notice who he talks to about who? Each apostle, each writer. No, they talk to the person about the counterpart. That's right. That's right. So you notice that he talks to the wife about the wife and he talks to the husband about the husband, though he does it obviously in the hearing of each. But he addresses the wife about being a wife. He addresses the husband about being a husband. This is very important. I think this is very important. Very, very important. I haven't had any counseling situation where this hasn't been relevant. He doesn't say husbands, make sure your wives submit themselves to you as the church does to Christ. He doesn't say, husbands, make sure your wives respect you like you think that they that you deserve. And if they don't, then what I command you to do is cancel until she does. And you just give them holy hell so they comply with what you think the wife ought to be. Do you read that in any of these passages? No, you do not. And likewise, they do not say, wives, you make sure your husbands love and adore you as you think you deserve. And if they don't, my commands to you are canceled and you just give your husband holy hell until he complies with what you think he should be doing. Isn't that an odd expression, holy hell? But he doesn't do that and never does do that. He never says wives make your husbands do this. He never says husbands make your wives do that. This is very significant. He addresses me about what God wants me to do as a husband. He addresses my wife about what he wants, about what God wants my wife to do as a wife. Now, kind of growing out of that, conditionality. Bunch of commands here to husbands and wives. What is the condition for doing those commands? I have to do those things that God tells me to do if what? If I'm married, if I'm married, I have to do them if I'm married. That's right. Yes, that's right. I'm glad to see you. I'll get that. That's the one condition. The one condition is if I'm married, if I'm married and as long as I'm married, then God commands me to do this and God holds me accountable for doing this. I want to be very specific. I don't want anybody to go away thinking I've just thrown out great big globs of cotton candy. So husband, you're to make sure you love your wife. Like Christ, love the church sacrificially, tenderly, committedly. But what if she disrespects you? What if she harshly criticizes you? What if she's demanding and seems to be unpleasable? What if she's always angry no matter what you do? Then, well, you're very clear about that about husbands. That's good to hear. And you're right. You're absolutely right. No, no, hold on. We'll get there. No, I understand. I understand. But you're absolutely right. That's absolutely right. There is no if. I've read the Bible in Hebrew and Greek. I've read it dozens of times. I have not found that passage yet that says, I want you to do this if. And if the other person's not keeping up his or her part of the bargain, you're off, you release the hood. And this is in so many ways. Does the Bible say to me, as a pastor, preach the word if they want to hear the word? Preach the word if that's what they want you to do? I read a verse that says preach the word in season out of season and goes on to say the time will come when nobody will want to hear it. Don't run after fads and stuff, but you fulfill your ministry, he says. Not off the hook, but yeah, you say, that's true about pastors. It is true about pastors and husbands, too. It's true about husbands. How lovely was the church when Christ loved the church? How lovely was the church that Christ died for? He made it lovely. Listen, he made it lovely. His love made her lovely. She wasn't lovely when he found her. She wasn't lovely when he died for her. Rebellious, dead, lost in sin. But he gave himself for her to sanctify her. Didn't say, look at that. Look at that. Nobody could do anything with that. Wives. Oh yes, we have time for that. So do you read Scripture saying, sure, God says, respect your husband and subordinate yourself to him. But what if he doesn't love you like he should love you? What if he's verbally cruel and harsh to you? What if he always criticizes you, never praises you? What if he's got a what if he's got a hot temper? What if he's a jerk? What if he sins? Actually, one of those verses does talk about that, doesn't it? It does talk about what to do if he sins. What does it say to do if he sins? No, what does it say to do when he sins? Love him and respect him even when he sins. Try to persuade him if he doesn't listen. Focus on loving and respecting him even if he sins. Now, if that's what God says to do if he sins, well, what if he's kind of thoughtless and forgetful and lazy and a jerk? Now, I hope you all understand me. I trust you do, but maybe I shouldn't. I'm not saying that husbands should be lazy jerks because their wives have to submit to them. And I'm not saying wives should be impossible heritance because their husbands have to love them. I'm telling the wives to be submissive and I'm telling the husbands to love their wives. But what I'm saying is, you know, we're not always perfect. And the scripture does not condition our walk with Christ on the other person's walk with Christ. Marriage is a very together thing, but in a way it's also still two people thing in that each person still has an individual accountability to God that is not conditioned on what the other person does. Do you see? So listen to me. Do you want to hear the formula for absolute, utter standstill and deadlock in a Christian marriage? Here's the formula for absolute standstill and deadlock in a Christian marriage. Two people, both of whom are absolutely convinced that the other person should obey Christ. That is the formula for deadlock in a Christian marriage and never going anywhere. Each of them waiting on the other to listen to what the Lord is very plainly saying to my husband, to my wife, waiting for that. And then I'll get on with my discipleship. Guaranteed deadlock in a Christian marriage. Two people like that. Oh, all right. I just I want to. But, you know, if I ask you to be here on time, I better be ready to quit on time. It's not fair to say, yeah, you come by 930, but I'll go. I feel like I'm finishing. And I do have more. I want to say the Lord willing, I'll just say it next week. So who will close this in a word of prayer? May I ask Mr. Martinsick, please, to close this in prayer. When we were unlovable, he died in a war of sensitivity. He caused the man in his church to loathe the wife that way. And I think that for this time we have to consider our marriages. I pray that we will have a strong marriages and families in this church. And you had to embrace this country to have that. Why are you doing the same thing?