If you will, turn with me to Ephesians chapter 6 again. Ephesians chapter 6, we'll read verse 4 again. And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. This evening I want to spend some time talking about the rod. and the heart of the child. But before I do, let's review some principles and some things maybe we've covered up to this point. This won't be an exhaustive review, but some things I want to hit to remind you. Number one, you should start the training process with your children as early as possible. Remember, I want you to think about this. God has ordained the means of your child's salvation. And, you know, the issue here is that some people, when they come under the teaching of the sovereignty of God, they would say, well, you know, if God's already predetermined who's going to be saved and who is not, well then, really, it doesn't matter. But you missed the whole point of the sovereignty of God. God has not only ordained the ends, but He ordains the means to the end. And you need to understand that. I'll give you an example. A farmer who understands something of the sovereignty of God doesn't say, well, God's already foreordained if my crops are going to grow or not, so I might as well not even get out and go to work. What's wrong with the farmer's view of God's sovereignty? God has ordained that the farmer must go out and plow, plant, water, de-weed, right? He must do all the things that God has taught him to do with respect to reaping a harvest. God has not only ordained the ends, but He has ordained the means. And so, when it comes to your child's heart, when it comes to shepherding your child's heart, we must be obedient to God's methods because God has ordained the means by which your child's heart should be shepherded. Now, I want to remind you of some things. Number one, in the early years, you want to start establishing discipline and training. This has got to start early. Some of you, I don't understand, maybe you grasp the whole concept of when should this really take place. I'm talking early, right? When a child, for example, is first born, we spend more attention on them than they do us, right? But at some point, that has to change. At some point, you have to expect that they start paying attention to you rather than you constantly paying attention to them. Why? Otherwise, you raise self-centered children. Your kids need to respond to you, for example, you need to train them early to respond to you immediately. If you call them, they should respond, they should have ears to hear you when you call them. They should do what you ask, they should do it immediately without hesitation. Just in case, I think this is obvious, but it probably ought to be stated, delayed obedience is disobedience. And many of you may be training your children to disobey you. Let me give you some reasons or some ways that you can do this. You may be aggravating this problem of disobedience with your children just by the way you are training them. You may be training them to give you delayed obedience. For example, if you ask your child to do something and they don't and you start to count, what are you training them to do? You're not training them to obey you immediately. If they disobey you, or when you say, if I ask you to come to me, and you ask over and over again, what are you training them to do? To disobey. Not to listen to you and do what you say. When you begin to reason with them, and we went through the unbiblical methods, and I'm trying to bring some of these things to your remembrance. Listen, if they disobey you, your job is not to continue to train them to sin. is to train them in righteousness to obey you, to listen to you. Some of you are training your children to respond to you when you get very, very loud. I'm not talking about when you speak loudly because they're on the other side of the house. I'm talking about you don't get their attention until you scream at them. Well, you've conditioned them to be like that. You've conditioned, you've trained them to be that way. And just understand, you are teaching your children to fear you rather than to fear God and to honor you. And then finally, I want to remind you, there's no place for anger in the raising of your children. Turn to James again. Let me remind you of this one. James 1.19, So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. Why? For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. You need to understand that. The falsehood being demonstrated here is that we will not correct the heart of a child through raw personal rage. James is very clear here that the righteous life that God desires is never the product of uncontrolled anger. Human anger may teach your children to fear you. For a time, they may even behave better, but it's not going to bring about what James is talking about here, biblical righteousness. The other thing you need to understand is that any change in behavior produced by anger is not going to move the heart of your child closer to God. Actually, what it's going to do is it's going to move them towards idolatry, the idolatry of fearing man. You need to understand that. And this is why I think James says, take note, pay attention. In other words, don't gloss over this principle that's being taught here. Also, you're demonstrating you don't trust God when you in anger are trying to discipline your child. Keep in mind also, men, if you are to bring about obedience because you're loud and strong, let me ask you this, your children will respond to you, they will listen to you because you're loud, you're strong, but then what does your wife do? How does she get them to respond to your children if all they know how to respond to is when you're loud and you're angry? Well, what does she have to do? Well, when you're loud and angry and you're scary, well, what does she then have to do? She's got to get loud. She's got to get angry. She's got to get scary. And nobody wants to see a scary mama. Okay? So, once again, we're training our children to disobedience when we bring these unbiblical patterns into our homes. Do you begin to see the importance of not using anger or yelling as a mean? That does not mean you're not firm. I'm not talking about being soft. gentle, not getting to the point. I'm talking about being firm, being in control, and explaining to your children the significance of the level of sin that's being demonstrated in their lives when they disobey, and then you're going to immediately discipline it. And we'll talk more about that in a moment. During the younger years, and I'm trying to get you to understand, in this formative period of time, during the younger years, you need to make sure that your children are paying attention to you. This is important. Also, when it comes to your children, make sure you establish the discipline of not allowing sin to go unnoticed within your household. Now, that's a real problem. Turn over to 1 Samuel. Turn over to 1 Samuel 3. 1 Samuel 3, look at the reading in verse 10. Now this is the Lord speaking to Samuel. Remember Samuel was under Eli. Now the Lord came and stood and called, and at other times Samuel, Samuel, and Samuel answered, Speak for your servant hears. Then the Lord said to Samuel, Behold, I will do something in Israel at which both ears of everyone who hears it will tingle. In that day I will perform against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house from beginning to end. For I have told him that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knows Notice that. "...because his sons made themselves vile, and he did not restrain them." He knows this. His sons, his children, practiced evil within the home, and he did not restrain them. And God is holding Eli accountable. Notice what he says in verse 14. "...and therefore I have sworn to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli's house shall not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever." That one hits you, doesn't it? That's a strong word. Notice the consequence of not restraining sin within your home. You have the responsibility, parents, to restrain wickedness in your home. We must be diligent to restrain it within our homes. You all know from personal experience, you all know from what God's Word has to say, the effects of sin and the damage that it does to let rebellion, to let disobedience, to continue in your home without biblically confronting this does not show your hatred for sin, but rather it shows your acceptance of it. It also does not show any kind of love towards your child by allowing rebellion to be practiced openly in your home. Let me try to give you something, an example I heard that might drive this home a little bit more. What if we were to stand outside and a lady was being robbed, and 25 feet from this lady being robbed, there's a policeman standing there just watching it happen but did nothing? What would you think of the policeman? Derelict of his duty, isn't he? Why? Because he has the authority to intervene. He has all the equipment and the tools to intervene. There's no reason why he should not have intervened, but he did not. Well, parents, we're no different. When we allow wickedness to be practiced within our home, sin, rebellion, disobedience, but yet we refuse to intervene, you're no different than that cop who just idly stands by. You have the authority to intervene, and you've got all you need to intervene. And so this is why this story of Eli hits us home, hits us between the eyes, because we know at times we've let our guard down, or maybe you're one right now where you still habitually allow disobedience to take root within your home. Parental laxity is actually cruel to the child, according to God. You need to understand that. And so, if there's one thing you need to take away from the story of Eli, you need to understand that as parents, we are held accountable. Eli had the responsibility, but he didn't do anything, and this is why God is punishing him and his family. I mean, this is basically what God's telling them, right? Finally, don't accept... and I'm talking about... remember, we're talking about the young formative years. You gotta start this when they're young. Don't accept rebellion just because you have a toddler. Many parents look at their toddlers and say, well, that's just what toddlers do. Well, of course that's what they do. But God didn't allow toddlers to just live out on their own. He put them under authority, didn't he? Think about this. Other parents look at the rebellion of teenagers and say, well, that's just what teenagers do. Jonathan Edwards, back in his day, he wrote this, if you cannot restrain your children, it is no excuse. For it is a sign you have brought up your children without government, and your children regard not your authority." And so the idea here is when your child no longer regards your authority, your reproofs, your counsel mean nothing to them. Edwards is lamenting when you read his writings back in his day how few there were who maintained authority in their homes. And we look back to those days and think, well, they had it together. But here's a man of God's Word, and he's really concerned about the society and culture in which he lived in. So God's telling Eli, you knew the sin in your home, but you didn't intervene. Some of you are allowing your toddlers to train you, right? Some of you are allowing your four and five year olds to train you. Many of you don't realize this, but it shows each week. My advice to you is you start the training process in the home. so that it doesn't have to take place here. Now, there again, I'm not trying to shame anybody. If your child cries out, you need to take them, discipline them. But if this is the only place you're disciplining, here's what you do. You send signs of confusion to your child if you have a standard for the home, but a standard for the church. Now, does that make sense to us all? We allow a certain level of behavior in the home because nobody's looking. But when we come outside and in public, all of a sudden now we're going to start training and disciplining, right? You're going to confuse the child. You're going to bring anger. You're going to bring embitterment to them. So let me just say this. When you look at Eli, God is telling them, you knew these things were going on and you did not intervene. Don't stand by. When your child sins and disobeys you, learn now the discipline of intervening, doing it quickly and often. This is during the formative years. Why? So you don't have to because there's other things we need to be dealing with our children on when they get older. If I'm still trying to discipline Aaron to listen at this age, Guess what? I can't teach him the other things I need to teach him. Okay? So if you want to gain their hearts, then don't train them to disobedience, but train them early to obedience. Okay? Alright, so I want you to understand, the training starts when? Early. Early. Train them early to hear your voice. Does your toddler know to come to you when you have a cookie? Then your child should listen to you and know to come to you when you need them to do something else. Does that make sense? Don't underestimate the influence that you have now over your child, even at a young age. Alright, here's the issue. Let's move on to when they get a little bit older. If you haven't established the principles that we just discussed at a young age, then guess what you're not going to be able to do? You're not going to be able to progress to the next section of their life, which is to teach your child. You're not going to be able to ever teach a disobedient child, a rebellious child. Teaching scripture As soon as they become verbal. When should you start teaching the scriptures? As soon as they can talk. Start teaching them early, early on. Teach them the scriptures as soon as they become verbal. And you should establish consistent training where this instruction is having them repeat and begin to apply scriptural principles. Why? So that this is just what we do. And they learn this at a young age. I mean, there again, there's a lot of different ways. your Bible studies, teaching them Scripture memory. Catechism is a good tool to use. I mean, that's one of the things we use here in this church, right? We do catechism, for example, and this establishes, if you start this early on, assuming you consistently apply it, this is what the child understands we do. Why do we do catechism? Well, it teaches us things about God. We learn about God. We learn about who He is. We learn about what He expects. We learn about the doctrines that are being taught. And the beautiful thing about catechism is if you do it right, is it starts a dialogue early with the child. Now, do you see the problem if you're not working with your children on this? In other words, if you just assign this to them like a homework problem every week, you're not teaching, then you're not communicating. Remember all the communication things we looked at last week? This is the beauty of catechism because it forces you to sit down, ask them questions, Memorize scriptures. Allow them to ask you questions. They may stump you. You go off and study God's Word. They see how you answer questions biblically. You come back to them. There's a dialogue here. You're growing. You're teaching. Some of you may look at those questions and say, well, that's just trivial. That's simple stuff. Really? You haven't really read the questions. You haven't spent time thinking about what the questions are asking if you think this, if that's your opinion of the catechism. They may appear to be simple to you, but they are profound. Some of you, what you're probably doing through the catechism is you're just training your child to go through the motions. And, you know, when I say go through the motions, well, that's just what they're doing at the church. And, you know, we don't want to see it as though we're not cooperating. You're missing the whole point of it. If all you're trying to do is say, well, just don't make us look bad, don't make the family look bad when you go in there and he asks you these questions, Then you've missed the whole point of catechism. Catechism is for you to start building that dialogue with your child, a tool to start training them. Now if you know God's Word and you can train from Obadiah, if you can train from Habakkuk, do it. But the catechism is a great outline of biblical doctrine to teach your kids how to know God, to teach them what He expects, and hopefully come to love and adore them. You must go through the toddler stage, the young age of training and discipline. That doesn't mean training and discipline stops when they become 5 and 6 and 17 or whatever. But the point here is that there's less on getting them to listen to you, hearing you, following your instructions, so that you can start moving into these other areas of developing them and ultimately start discipling them. That's been another thing that's been lost within the homes, is that we don't understand how to disciple our children. We'll get to that another week. Did you see the progression of what we're trying to do here? You start with them at young, start training them, start disciplining them. You then start, as soon as they become verbal, start teaching them the Word of God, start applying it. You go through the catechism, go through it again. You go through the Bible with them, go through it again. You want to know why? Every one of you parents go home tonight and ask your kids to start spot-checking questions out of the catechism and you're going to find most of your kids still can't answer them. Even though we've almost through and we've been through it. Why? You've got to just drill, drill, drill and continue to talk and communicate, encourage them, get them to know their God. And there again, I'm not saying catechism is the cure-all. It's just one of the tools we have. Start being proactive with your family, with your children at a young age and establish this throughout their entire, as they grow. All right, let's move on. This evening we're gonna talk about the rod. And the reason why I wanna spend some time on this topic is, well, there's a lot of confusion out there about the rod. Certainly our society, we live in a generation that has basically abandoned the rod. You know, there's certainly a lot of books that are out there. I mean, if you go to Barnes and Nobles or any of them and you just kind of peruse those sections, there's a lot of books on child discipline. None of it's worth anything. I mean, there's a lot of theories out there. And I just want to emphasize, God doesn't have a theory about this. His word is very clear. It's very clear on the subject of raising children. The question for the church today is whether we're going to seek infinite wisdom on the matter or will we continue as the church to seek the latest fads, the psychological data on what we think or how children should be raised. You look at a lot of parents within the church today, what are they going to? They're going to books that are outside the church, outside the Bible. I mean, think about how many people are influenced by Dr. Spock who wrote his book over 40 years ago, but you know what no one ever does? No one ever looks at his life. This expert on raising children, have you ever read about this man? He was estranged from his family. He went almost 20 years without talking to his own son. He divorced his wife. I mean, who would listen to a guy like that? A lot of people do. A lot of the new books that are out there are based on his flawed foundation. I mean, I think many reasons why we find raising our children so difficult is, well, maybe some of us were not raised by our parents, right? Many of us were raised by a school system. I know a lot of guys my age were. And that's had an impact on us. And I can't tell you how many times I've heard from other grown-ups who are my senior tell me that, what you need to do is you need to create an environment where your child's spirit can just, you know, he can just run free. Now, what's the problem with that? Well, it sounds good unless, you know, you're grounded on the Word. It sounds like you're being just an understanding kind of parent. You're letting your kids grow, in a sense. But what's the problem? What happens when you let your child just run free? What do they run towards? Sin. Why? because they have the nature of a sinner. And God did not give us children so we could just let them run free. He put them under our authority so we could guide and instruct them. Now, as we go through this series, I hope you're beginning to understand I'm not interested in just adding my voice to a series of other opinions, and you shouldn't be interested in that either, right? What we hope to accomplish here is to have a clear understanding of what God's Word has to say concerning this topic of our children. God, as the perfect Father, knows best how children are to be trained. So remember, fatherhood is created so that we might have a picture of who God is. Fathers, do you ever think about this in light of your own role? As a father, you're to be a picture to your children of our Heavenly Father. So what kind of picture are we painting? Are we painting a picture of a tyrant with an uncontrollable outburst of wrath? Or are we painting a picture that we are just dismissive and we refuse to train, we refuse to discipline? That's not how God the Father in Heaven treats His children. Are you missing in action? Are you a permissive father who never disciplines? Do you leave everything up to the mother? Is the mother the only disciplinarian? Don't underestimate the impact this will have on your children. Are you a picture of love who disciplines in love to lead them to their creator? So as we talk about this, I know the idea of the rod, chastising, disciplining with the rod is a foreign concept within our culture, but nevertheless, God's Word is not silent on this. So, let's just look at some passages and you can write them down and go back and study them out later. I just want you to see what God's Word... God's Word is not silent on this. Go to Proverbs 13. And in Proverbs 13, verse 24, we read this, Now, what is the problem with this verse in light of what our culture teaches us? What happens if you were to discipline your child out in our culture today? You're not so sure you're not going to get a call from the government officials, are you? But notice what God's Word has to say here when we come to this passage here in verse 24. He who spares the rod doesn't love his son, but you demonstrate that you hate them. Okay? Turn over to Proverbs 19. Proverbs 19, look at verse 18. Chasing your son while there is hope. Do not set your heart on his destruction. You understand the problem of not chasing your children? Do it while there's hope. What's happened with some parents is that they wait until there's a teenager there who is strong, rebellious. Remember when they were little, you were able maybe to pick them up, sit them down, because they wouldn't listen to you and sit down? Well now, what do you do with someone who is your size or bigger? Start young. Start young. Notice this issue here of disciplining your children, chasing your son. Why? While there is hope. Don't delay this. Start early. Do it often. Harder rather than softer. Okay? Proverbs 22. Proverbs 22, Luke verse 15. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of correction will drive it far from him. And this is not just patting him on the backside with a little ruler. We're talking about driving folly out of the heart of a child. More rather than less, harder rather than softer. Okay? Proverbs 23. Proverbs 23, look at verse 13. Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. So let's read it again. Proverbs 23, verse 15. Wow, sorry, which one did I read? 23? Sorry. Proverbs 23, verse 13. Do not withhold correction from a child. Just don't do it, right? Intervene. You're like the policeman who's standing by when you don't do this, right? For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die." Okay? Look at verse 14. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell. Alright, so these are some pretty strong passages here, and I know they may sound foreign to some of you, but this is God's Word. Alright, go to Proverbs 29. Now, some of you may have adopted the rod in your home, but you haven't read these verses in their context, and we're going to try to deal with this. You're inconsistent. You're softer rather than harder. Right? You're less more than often. Alright. Proverbs 29 verse 15. The rod and rebuke give wisdom, and a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Alright, so those are some passages. Now think about these passages and turn over to Hebrews 12. Because what I'm arguing is the Proverbs are teaching you how to reflect something of your Heavenly Father. In Hebrews 12, look at verse 5, "...and you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as sons." Alright, so for those of us who are sons and daughters of God, notice the exhortation. "...My sons do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him. For whom the Lord loves, He chastens and scourges every son He receives." If you endure chastening, God deals with you as sons. For what son is there whom a father does not chasten?" Do you see the problem in our society today when the fathers refuse to chasten their children, discipline them, right? Our culture, our society has a false distorted view of God the Father because the fathers in this culture have abandoned their responsibility and they have adopted worldly wisdom rather than godly wisdom in this area of discipline. Verse seven, if you endure chastening, God deals with you as sons. For what son is there whom the father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as it seemed best to them, but for he, for our prophet, that we may be partakers of his holiness. Now, no chastening seems to be joyful for the presence, but painful nevertheless afterward it yields." Notice, what does chastening yield? The peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. First, let's understand what the passage is teaching. The first thing you need to understand is that this section teaches us the sign of sonship. And for those who say to use the rod against your child, to chastise them is cruel, right? But notice what God's Word says. God doesn't take this view with respect to His children. When you chastise your children, it's a sign that they are your sons, your daughters. And we're told that the use of the rod will drive the children away from you, but notice how contrary that is to God's wisdom. God's wisdom says the rod actually teaches the child that they're part of the family. Modern wisdom says just hug them. Just give them a hug. That's all you got to do. When they're rebellious, when they're sinning, when they're showing signs of their rebellious heart, just hug them. But that's not what God's Word says. What this does is it actually produces an insecurity if all you do is hug them and encourage them in their disobedience. Now some of you are struggling with this, I realize that. But let's go back to what we learned in our study of Romans. The foundational theological principle that every one of you have got to adopt is let God be true. and every other man a liar." This is God's Word on the matter. So let's ask yourself, just do a little case study. Would you say our culture has gone away from what God's Word is teaching here? I didn't ask you whether you agree with it yet. If they've gotten away from this, have we seen the blessings of God upon this land because we've moved away from His standard? Are we seeing His curses? What do we see in a rebellious society? Over and over again in the New Testament, don't we read children who are disobedient to their parents? That's one of the signs of a godless culture? When it comes to your children and their rebellion, you've got to determine whether you're going to trust God or follow man's wisdom. So when your child rebels, you could hug them, or you could bring the God-ordained instrument of chastisement to bear in their life. And when you do this, when you bring the rod, You're demonstrating that you're the authority over them. Once again, they don't need you to be their friend, right? Your children's friends are all too capable of encouraging them to folly, to foolishness, to sin, right? What your child needs is for you to exercise your delegated authority and to see you demonstrate God-ordained chastisement, which is a sign of sonship. And so with this understanding, if you refuse to use the rod in their lives and you've testified to them, you don't really care enough to manifest that they are within your family. Also, you are testifying to them you really don't fear God, and it is the lack of fear that results in all kinds of sin. The lack of the fear of God is the problem of this nation here. We don't fear God any longer, and so we've let all kinds of abominable sins enter in. Also, you've seen this in public, have you not? When a parent tells a child, don't disobey, and the child disobeys, and what happens? Then it escalates. Then they get a little louder and a little louder. And the parent says, don't do it again. I'm going to count to three. And what's so easy for us is to see it in other families, but we don't see it in our own families and what we're doing, right? We're not blessing our children by refusing to bring the rod to bear in their lives. According to this text, that refusal to chastise a child is to communicate that they're illegitimate. Some of you have told me what it was like, your life was like growing up in your homes. And I hope as you understand and you begin to look at God's Word, maybe you're beginning to understand why you witnessed what you did. I hope you understand why you see the fruit, the kinds of fruit that you see within your family members, whether they're bearing good fruit or no fruit at all. Now, the question for some of you who are not brought under godly wisdom and godly instruction according to God's word, the question is, are you going to continue the curse in your family or are you going to break it? Are you going to start bringing in God's blessing in this area of exercising and using the rod? You know, I remember where I grew up, my father, he died when I was very little, but where I grew up, a lot of my friends, their parents were divorced. And it's interesting that the parents would always try to lavish gifts on those children to my friends, and there was never any discipline in their life. And I used to sit there and think, you know, I can't believe they get away with what they get away with. They get to do, it seems like they could do anything, right? But what did this communicate to the children? What were the parents communicating to those children? According to the scriptures, it communicated to them that they had no parents. And a lot of them, many of my friends still back in Jackson, they're dysfunctional to this day. They're immature, they're still doing the same things we were doing 25 years ago. Understand to refuse to use the rod is to manifest your hatred towards your children. And when you refuse to use the rod, you're communicating to your child that he should not depend on you to hold back his rebellion. You're communicating to your child, I don't care that you're foolish. I don't care about your folly. I'm just going to let it continue to go on. That's what you're communicating to them. Our desire for our children is to turn them back from evil. This would be a more appropriate picture of God in your home, fathers. When we think about the chastening, I want you to think about three things. Number one, effectual. When you take your child and you use the rod, you're not taking the rod to get over your anger. You are to go in there for the same reasons why God chastens you as a son. You are to go in there to change a behavior. Let's go back and look at this again. For indeed, verse 10, for a few days chastened us, it seemed best to them, but he, for our profit, that we should be partakers of his holiness. I want you to think about why it is that God chastises his children. He wants you to be a partaker in his holiness. Number two, he says, no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful nevertheless. Afterward, it yields something. What does the chastisement of God yield? The fruit of righteousness. The fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. The use of the rod is to effect a change such that there will be righteousness." In other words, if you are using the rod because you are angry, then you are sinning and you need to deal with this before you deal with the sin of your child. I mean, let me explain it to you this way. How can you as a parent ever expect your child to exhibit self-control if you refuse to exercise self-control? Let me give you an example. Think of a typical scenario. Could be a mom or a father, right, in the house all day. You're telling the child, stop doing this, stop doing this, stop doing this. You do this all throughout the day until when? And the child refuses to stop doing whatever it is you're at. How long does this go on through at your house? Three cycles, five cycles, ten cycles, right? Some point, you blow your fuse. You, out of frustration and anger, you go and you take the rod and you discipline your child, right? What's wrong with this picture? What's wrong when you discipline in this kind of way? Well, as a parent, you're acting sinfully because you didn't spank the child twelve times before, right? When you were under control. When you could have stopped the rebellious behavior. You're not consistently dealing with the child. And so what you're really doing, and this happens, right? When this happens, what happens to the parent when they explode on the child and they spank them? Do you feel guilty about it? Unless your conscience is seared. And I'm not talking about abusive parents. I'm talking about parents who, you know what, you're just not consistently applying the rod, you explode, you spank, you feel guilty over it, and what happens is you're not prone to use the rod the next time. sooner rather than later, harder rather than softer. The child is now confused because you let him get away with it 12 times before, right? And the love of the parent is not manifested in this scenario. Here's the thing, the more committed we are to deal with the things, you know, rebellion and disobedience regularly, the less frequent you'll see outbursts of anger happen within your home. Sooner rather than later, harder rather than softer, right? So the question typically comes, well, how hard should I use the rod? Well, I would say you need to use it hard enough to effect a change. There's many out there, I think, once they understand they should use it, they don't use it hard enough to effect a change, so they don't see the change. Turn over to Proverbs 30. In Proverbs 20, look at verse 30. Blows that hurt cleanse away evil and do stripes the inner depths of the heart. Who has a King James Version? Somebody read a King James Version out loud. I want you to hear the translation, how it's a little bit different. All right, now does anybody have any problems understanding what's being said there? The blueness of wounds. Now read it again. Read it in the King James again. So the more modern versions say, blows that hurt cleanse away evil and do stripes the inner depths of the heart. I love what Matthew Henry has to say here. Many need severe rebukes. Some children are so obstinate that their parents can do no good with them without sharp correction. And he gives the example, some criminals must feel the rigor of the law and public justice. Gentle methods will not work upon them. They must be beaten black and blue. And the wise God that sees his own children sometimes needs a very sharp affliction. Severe rebukes sometimes do a great deal of good. The rod drives out that foolishness which was bound in the heart and cleanses away the evil there. Frequently, those that need severe rebukes can worse bear them. Such is the corruption of the nature that men are as loath to be rebuked sharply for their sins as to be beaten till their bones ache." Does that give any of y'all problems? Don't be ashamed. That's tough to hear. This is how far away we have gotten from the Scriptures. This is what drives foolishness from the heart of the child. Do you need any more instruction from me on about how hard it should be? You got God's Word. You want to put a placard over your refrigerator? Put this one on your verse, your memory verse. How about that one? You know, we act like God's Word doesn't speak to this, but it does, very clearly. And former societies before us who were more grounded in the Word would apply this. not out of abuse, not out of hatred, we're not talking about that, but out of love, that desire, you hate the wickedness, you hate the rebellion in the heart of your child. Some of you say, I still, you know what, this is hard, this, I couldn't do this. Well, what would I tell you if I, well, I mean, what would you think of a parent if your child got bit by a rattlesnake and we had to take them to the hospital to inject a venom in them, antivenom in them, to prevent the the damaging effects of the rattlesnake bite. But yet you come in there and say, no, that would hurt my child if you stuck that venom in him, that anti-venom in him to save him. I don't want them to experience any pain. Do you see the absurdity of it? What's flowing around in their system needs to be dealt with, and God's Word has told you how to deal with it. Think about how silly it would be if there was a mass, a tumor inside your body that needed to be brought out, and you said, well, no, but that would hurt. But it's killing you. That's what it's like when I hear parents say, but that would hurt my child if I did what God's Word said. Do you not understand there's something far worse within the heart of your child that needs to be dealt with and God is telling you how you deal with the rebellion in your child's heart. I guess the real question is you have God's Word in front of you. You don't need a commentary on this one. You don't need me to tell you what it says. You know what it says. The question is, are you going to trust God in this area? People before us applied God's Word and the rebellion we see in our day was not being manifest because they trusted God's Word more than they did human wisdom. His ways are perfect. Go to Proverbs 22. Once again in verse 15, foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of correction will drive it far from him. And you get the picture. This is driving foolishness out of your child. So we need to trust this. Now let's be very clear. Let's be clear for the purpose of the rod. The purpose of the rod is to drive folly away from the child, to drive evil away, to drive foolishness, disobedience. The rod, however, is not ever going to impart knowledge or understanding. So understand, don't forget the last five weeks of teaching up to this point. It's not the rod instead of communication, it is the rod and communication. You see, every day should not be necessarily, now some of you children may need it, but every day if you do this early, sooner rather than later, harder rather than softer, you start early, you're not doing this every day in their adolescent years. Not really required. The only time it's really required when they're adolescents or teenagers is you didn't start it early. You didn't do it often. You did it softer rather than harder. But remember, the rod is never to replace instruction from the Scripture, from the Word. So the proper use of the rod is a great blessing to the family, but the incorrect use of the rod will be a horrible curse. So learn to use the rod biblically. Next, when you think about the rod, we're not only thinking effective, but we're thinking consistent. And when we think of discipline, I want us to think about how God disciplines us. His discipline is always consistent. God chastens every, not some sons, God chastens every son. And when God chastens us, it's because we have violated His unchangeable standard. Notice the standard of God doesn't change. And so we need to picture this within our homes. Our children need to understand our expectations. Parents, do your kids know what will bring the rod out? Or are they always guessing? You need consistent. Those expectations need to be set, they need to be clear, and there shouldn't be some things that bring the rod out when mom's around, but not dad, and some things that bring the rod out when dad's around, but not mom. You need to get on the same page. You need to lay down, here are the ground rules, this is what's going to bring the rod out when this level of disobedience is displayed. When the standard is linked to what kind of day you've had, then you're setting a false view of God because this is not how God chastises his children. You want... Let me ask the question this way. You want to have child abuse within your home? Then have a moving standard. So that they never know what it takes to please you. Avoid inconsistency. Make sure that you and your wife don't have a different set of standards, because this will only bring confusion, it'll bring anger and bitterness. So when we think about the rod and what the Bible says, it needs to be effective. Harder rather than softer, sooner rather than later, more rather than less. Okay? Number two, it needs to be consistent. Next, it needs to be orderly. Our standard needs to be orderly. This means your standard is not arbitrary. When you think of God's law, it is very clear that certain sins require the death penalty. Some require retribution. In other words, there's order within God's law. and the penalties against his law. And so this is how we need to set things up within our home. There should be a clear expectation of what the punishment is going to be for violation of these rules within your home. Communicate the expectation so that you give this clear picture of God. The goal of discipline is that you should never have to discipline again. That's your expectation. And you know what? If you've got younger kids, that doesn't happen for a while. But if you're consistent with this, as you gain their heart, as you set the expectations within your home, you're not doing this all the time in their adolescent years. Typically, right? It gets better, and so when there's sin, you deal with it as soon as possible in order to make the rod more effectual. Don't allow, as Eli did, don't allow sin to grow in your home. Every time you pick up the rod, your goal should be that you never have to pick it up again for that behavior. Never bribe. Never bribe wickedness. Never rationalize wickedness. Never reason with wickedness. It will only breed more wickedness. What drives folly from the heart of a child? The rod. How hard? Hard enough that they don't want to do it again. You're driving this away from them. And then the next thing, when it comes to the rod, I'm thinking of effective, consistent, orderly, next, immediate. Deal with sin as soon as you can. In other words, when's the best time to deal with the weed? As fast as you can. You pull it out. You yank it out. Right? Don't delay. Don't let the problem get bigger. Sooner rather than later. Harder rather than softer. Don't allow your child to control you. Don't allow your child to manipulate you. When you see rebellion, you deal with it. You discipline it immediately. Okay? Now, how you deal Some of you are probably like, well, how do you deal with an older child that's still in rebellion? Well, when you have an older child that's in rebellion, the first thing you need to do as a parent is you need to repent. Why? Well, you participated in their rebellion with them. You let it get this far. You need to seek forgiveness because you let them go farther than you ever intended. Next, you need to stop sowing seeds that will produce weeds you don't want. You need to start being diligent. You need to start being consistent, orderly, immediate. Start dealing with disobedience and begin to discipline them while there is time. Remember, fathers, that's your household. You've been given the authority to deal with wickedness within your home. So don't let evil run rampant within your house. Restrain evil within your home, and the tool He gave you is the rod. Remember, the rod doesn't impart knowledge, so you're not done when you get through with the rod. There is an instruction period that comes from God's Word. Okay? So understand that when you bring God's wisdom to bear in your home with respect to your children, this honors God and it will impact your child. It will impact them in such a way that the child will respect all authority, whether it's a police officer, civil authority, his boss, if they work for someone else, church authority. He will learn early on, if you're consistent and you start taking God's Word and applying these things, he's going to start learning godly authority within their own home. Think about a young lady within your home. If you don't teach them this, then how will she ever submit to her head when she gets married? If you refuse to teach them that you're the authority over them, then they will reject authority for the rest of their lives. And so they have to learn to give honor to whom honor is due. Don't teach them to mock God by not honoring God. Show them in the home what it means to honor God by you obeying His Word first in this area. If you're neglectful in this area, then your responsibility is to repent. You go to God, you seek His forgiveness, you start seeking out His will and His Word, and if you want to start training a child, this is where you start. You first start by disciplining yourself if you're not already. Don't expect self-control within your child if you don't manifest self-control. Remember, the student's going to be like his teacher. If you're lazy, if you're sloppy, if you're slothful when it comes to God's Word and applying His discipline, don't expect your children to be where you're not. And you can only take them as far as you're willing to go with God's Word. And if you set, you know, restrictions, and I'll do this until... I'll obey God until I'm tired. I'll obey God unless I'm feeling bad. Right? Don't start making excuses and teaching your child these horrible habits. Don't expect self-control in your child if you don't... exhibit self-control. If you murmur and complain, they will do likewise. If you're overly critical of everyone else, you will teach them this. If you're never content, they will never be content. If you make light of time of prayer, they're going to make light of time of prayer. They're going to neglect the spiritual disciplines of prayer. If you make light of knowing God's Word and studying it and applying it in your life, then they're going to make light of it. So I just want to end with this. A crucial, you got to start here, a crucial aspect of training our children is to train ourselves. That's where it has to start. If you're seeing problems in your home, step back for a moment and ask yourself, am I training them towards disobedience? Or am I training them to a life of obedience, discipline, and towards a true love of God?