If you will, turn back to Ephesians chapter 6. In Ephesians 6. We'll read it again in verse 4. And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and the admonition of the Lord. So we've been going through this approach of understanding what the Scriptures have to say with respect to raising our children, disciplining our children. Last week we looked at the different unbiblical methods that are typically found within homes as they're not prescribed by the Scriptures and therefore what happens when we bring unbiblical methods to children with respect to raising them, we don't drive them closer to God. We drive them away. We teach them to fear us, not fear God. We bring something other than infinite wisdom to bear. We bring something weaker than the gospel when we adopt unbiblical methods with the raising of our children. I would say this, that unbiblical methods, they do have an impact. They do produce results. The problem is it's not the results you want. nor is the results that God has required of us when we look at what chapter 6 verse 4 of Ephesians actually has to say. So this evening what I want to do is move into the more biblical methods. And so the issue here is that if we think about what was said last week, and once again, you parents, you're not doing your responsibility, you're not doing your duty. If you didn't go back home and say and evaluate what of those methods you might have within your home, and you need to learn to abandon those and turn those and throw them out. The problem is that when you abandon those methods, what are you going to run to? Whenever you drop one thing, if something else is going to fill its place, the question is, well, what? And to answer that question, we have to go to God's Word. We have to allow the truth of God's Word to enlighten our methods. And keep in mind that it's the Word of God that not only forms our goals that we set with respect to training our children, but the Scriptures is what determines our method. In the words of one, methods and goals should be complementary. You want your child to live for the glory of God. You want your child to realize that life worth living is a life lived under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Therefore, your methods must show submission to the same Lord. So if you desire to see your children submit to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, one of the things they need to see is you submitting to the Lord Jesus Christ yourself. And one of the areas you need to submit to is in this area of raising your children. So a biblical approach to children, I think, involves two elements that go together. The first is, I would say, rich communication. You need to learn how to communicate with your children. The second element is the rod. Now, we're not going to deal with both of these tonight. We're going to deal with communication over the next couple of weeks, and then we'll move on and deal with the rod. Okay? Now, turn over to Proverbs 23 with me. Proverbs 23. Look at verse 13. Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell. My son, if your heart is wise, my heart will rejoice. Indeed, I myself, yes, my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak right things. Do not let your heart envy sinners, but be zealous for the fear of the Lord all the day. For surely there is a hereafter, and your hope will not be cut off. Hear, my son, and be wise, and guide your heart in the way." I mean, in this section, did you notice what Solomon did here in the Proverbs? He weaves these two elements together. He talks about discipline, he talks about the rod, not withholding the rod, but he also talks about he's pleading with his child, communicating with them. Look at verse 22. Listen to your father, Well, that implies the father speaking to him, right? Listen to your father who begot you and do not despise your mother when she is old. Drop down to verse 26. My son, give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways. Now notice how Proverbs 23 couples the rod and communication together. There should be rich communication between you and your children. And I'm going to keep reminding you of this. The rod does not impart knowledge. Now that does not mean that we spare the rod, but the rod never imparts knowledge. Knowledge comes when you sit down and you begin to teach your children. But when the rod and biblical exhortation are brought together, you bring a biblically unified approach to child discipline. And so the rod preserves the biblical ground of your authority. In other words, remember, you as a parent are the only God-ordained authority over your children. You understand that? The emphasis now on communication is what prevents the child training from becoming cold, tyrannical, if all you do is bring the rod. That's not how God chastises us with the rod only, right? Through just negative discipline. He speaks to his children, right? And so you need to take that pattern on in your own child and how you raise your children. The communication aspect of training is geared to help the child to know himself and understand why what he is doing is sinful. And so what we'll do this evening is we'll start looking at this first element of communication, and then maybe in a few weeks we'll deal with the rod. So let me ask you this, before we get into this. How would you gauge your communication with your children? I mean, how would you gauge this? Do you communicate with them? I mean, you're always communicating with them, but the question is, are you communicating biblically in a healthy way? Does your children, would they feel like if I was to ask them that they could come and talk to you and discuss things with you in an open format? Remember, I'm not talking about approaching you in a rebellious, haughty spirit. That's unacceptable. But what I am saying is, can your children come to you and discuss these things? Have you set up an environment in your home where your child can approach you and be heard even though they may disagree something that you have said or talked about? That's a great opportunity for you to instruct. to correct, to warn, and we'll deal with these forms of communication. So how would you gauge your home? Well, the first thing I'd like to encourage you is that a communication is a dialogue, not a monologue. Many times we think about communication as the ability to express yourself. Accordingly, we think of ourselves as talking to our children, but I want you to consider that you shouldn't just talk to them. You should be seeking to talk with them. Communication, once again, is not a monologue, but a dialogue. And you need to learn the skill set and the ability to learn, or to listen, excuse me, if you don't have that skill set. And so when you're listening, think about this, what are you listening for? If you're going to learn the skill set of listening to your children, what are you listening for? And listen, when I talk about this, don't just think about the only time you're doing this is when they're in trouble. I'm talking about learning to listen to them and have a healthy communication with them during the positive times, right? Okay? So if you'll listen to your children, you'll begin to hear how they understand the world, and this is going to allow you to start ministering to them. If there's misalignment between their view and God's view, guess what? You have an opportunity. You have a great opportunity to teach them from God's Word and to guide them to truth and a proper understanding of what God expects. Turn over to Proverbs 18, look at verse 2. Notice what Proverbs 18, 2 says, A fool has no delight in understanding but in expressing his own heart. Drop down to verse 13. He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is a folly and a shame to him. And so what I would encourage you as parents to do is to first start this discipline of listening. One said it this way, the finest art of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts. Many of you parents don't have a problem with that. It's learning how to draw out the thoughts of another, and you need to learn that skill set. We need to understand our children. Many of us never stop to learn this skill. We never learn to teach our children how to express their thoughts and what they're struggling with. And then once again, I can't emphasize this cannot just be when there's negative discipline happening. When you are correcting, it's not the only time you should be engaging your children. Remember, according to Deuteronomy 6, we are to be training our children at all times. We are to be looking for opportunities to train them. And so this needs to start when they're little. And I think this example makes the point. Here's one that I read. When children are little, we often fail to engage them in significant conversation. When they try to engage us, we respond with uninterested, uh-huh. You ever done that to your little children? Eventually, they learn the ropes. They realize that we're not interested in what goes on in them. They learn that a good talk for us is a good listen for them. And when they become teens, the tables will turn. Parents wish they could engage their teens, but the teens have long since stopped trying. That's the problem. If you're disciplining and training your children to just listen to you all the time, but you're never listening, then when they get older, you should expect the outcome of them tuning you out. So the thing I would encourage you to start doing is to focus on understanding. This is the first objection and correction. The first objection and correction must not be to tell your children about how you feel about what they've said or done, but you need to start understanding what's going on within them, what's driving them to behave in a sinful way. And since the scripture says that it's out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks, then you must engage your children to understand what's going on within. And so when training your child, I think it's important that you don't vent your frustrations, you don't vent your anger, you don't vent your hurts, right? Rather, when you're training your children, you need to be training them in such a way that you understand the nature of the struggle that your child is having. What is important is understanding why of the what has been done. In other words, when you see the outward signs of disobedience, you must not only deal with the outward sin, but you need to deal with the inward heart that led to the sin. You must remember that the outward display of sin comes from the abundance of the heart. So think about it this way. What is, if you're going to ask questions and think through it, what is the specific content of the abundance of the heart in the circumstance? If you see your child acting in sinful ways, you want to get to the bottom of what is the content within their heart that has led to this sinful outburst. Number two, what was the temptation that led to sin? You want to understand that. You want to get to the bottom of that. You want to also understand what was the child's response to temptation. I'd encourage y'all to take notes on this, because if not, you're just going to resort back to the unbiblical ways that we talked about last week if you don't get these biblical ways down. What you're trying to do is pry in beyond the behavior and discern the inner issues of the heart that led to the sinful behavior. So let me do it to you again. Let me read them to you again. What is the specific content of the abundance of the heart that led to the sinful behavior? You want to find out. What's driving? What's going on within that child? Number two, what was the temptation that led to sin? Why would that be important? Because you might be the very one that has brought the temptation into your home. If you're doing something that tempts your child, you need to get it out. What was the Israelites charged to do, for example, when there was idols found? Destroy them immediately. So if you're bringing a temptation into your home, you must deal with that immediately. Next, what was the child's response to temptation? Because if their response to temptation was unbiblical, guess what you have? You have an opportunity to teach them a biblical way. And let me get you to understand this. I can't emphasize this enough. If your child's sinful behavior is at the level of a PhD, you can't take a grammar school view of the scriptures to deal with this. You need to be a PhD in theology if you're going to deal... I don't mean that in an academic sense, but you understand what I'm saying, right? You can't be a biblical illiterate when you're dealing with a child who has a graduate level of sin. Are we clear on this? So what was the child's response to temptation? What should it have been? Could you guide them in that? So what you're trying to do is pry in beyond the behavior and discern the inner issues of the heart that led to the sinful behavior. So let's think about an example. Let's say the issue is just flat-out disobedient to what you've asked them to do. I think your objectives can be stated in several simple propositions. Number one, the behavior you see is a reflection of the abundance of your child's heart. If they're disobeying you, if they're rejecting your authority, it's just a manifestation of what's within their heart. Number two, you want to understand the specific content of the abundance of the heart. And then next, the internal issues of the heart are of far greater importance than the specifics of behavior, because that's what drives the behavior of your child. And so remember, the goal is for you to understand the struggles of your child. And as you understand this, this allows you to know what aspects of the gospel are appropriate for the situation. Do you know how to apply the gospel for the different situations that come up when there's disobedience within your home? Remember, you're using the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, to bring the power of God to bear on their hearts. So if you're going to understand and help your child understand himself, these are the skill sets you have to develop. You must learn to help your child express themselves. You must learn how to facilitate a conversation with him. You must learn to discern behavior and motives. Turn to Proverbs 20. Look at verse 5, counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw out of it. And so as a parent, you want to be such a person of understanding. You want to be a person that knows how to draw the wealth of God's wisdom from the scriptures. And when you do so, what you're now doing, if you do this, if you adopt these practices within your home, what you're doing is you're now coming alongside your child and you're guiding him to the pathways of righteousness. because you can come alongside your child as one sinner to another who understands the struggle and you can point them to the one who can save them if you have indeed met the one who can save them. You know, it may be very well that you're embracing unbiblical methods because maybe you haven't dealt with salvation for yourself. You can come alongside them, you can teach them from experience how to deal biblically with temptations. I want you to understand this. Do you see yourself as a sinner when you come to your sinful children and see a part of your role is to train them and guide them to the one who can help them? Do you see yourself as one sinner to other sinners that can come along beside them and help them deal with the temptations that they face? We know what our children go through. We were children one time, or some of you so old you forgot. We were once children. We know what tempts them. We know what things of the world are luring, are attractive to them. Can you come beside them and help them learn how to resist that type of temptation? Or have you forgotten? We need to also help our children learn to express themselves. Have you ever experienced this kind of conversation? Let's say, for example, a brother hits a sister. Now, I know that wouldn't happen here. But you as a mom, for example, do you ever ask your son, well, why did you hit your sister? And what does he say? I don't know. Right? And so what happens with the mom? What do you mean you don't know? And what does the child say? I don't know. How long does that go on? It goes on until the mom loses her fuse, right? Typically is what I've seen. And so it goes. Depending on how long the mother's fuse is, the child better start knowing something pretty quick, right? But what's the problem here when you have that kind of conversation with your child? You're not helping them, right? What's going on is you're simply asking him a question. Let's ask the question this way. When the child says he doesn't know, is it that the child is refusing to talk to you? Most of the time, not. He's simply being asked questions that he doesn't know how to articulate the answer. And so the only thing he knows to say is, I don't know. Now, if he's 17 years old, we're talking about something different, right? But I'm talking about most of your kids that look around here. They may say, I don't know. And I don't think when they say it, they're saying it in a rebellious way. They just don't know how to express themselves. And so unless you've trained your child, and this comes with time, he lacks the depth of understanding and the ability to self-reflect to be able to respond with a coherent answer to the mom's question. What has to happen is he needs to have the issue dealt with in a different direction. And let me just say this, the why did you do something line of questions, they don't typically work. So let me give you some other ways, some more productive ways, and you can probably build off from this. I'm not saying I've got the exhausted list, It's something we all struggle with, okay? But, you know, you could ask questions such as, what was going on with you, within you, that led you to hit your sister? I mean, what was really going on? What drove you to this? Explain to me the situation, right? What did your sister do to make you mad? Now, once again, these questions aren't lined up to get him off the hook, because what he's done is sinful. But you're trying to get him to articulate what in the world he's struggling with. What has led him to the point where he'd actually pick and clench his fist and hit his sister? That's the scenario, okay? What was the problem with what she was doing to you? It may very well be that the boy was sinned against, right? And more than likely, he was. You just need him to be able to articulate to you what was going on. What was the sin that was going on? Here's another question. In what other ways could you have responded? And this is an opportunity for you to start teaching and instructing and warning the young man about how to respond biblically. You could ask questions such as, how do you think your response reflects trust or lack of trust in God's ability to provide for you or to help you? In what way did you defame the character of God? Now this is a great way. This line of questioning, it allows you to teach them that number one, they're image bearers of God, but it also gives you an opportunity to teach them about the greatness and attributes of God. Any of you guys got any more advice in terms of any other line of questioning? But you're trying to get to these, you want open-ended questions, and you want to help them learn the ability to start communicating and expressing to you. Now, once again, this does not get them off the hook, but it helps you to learn, in addition to just bringing the rod, it's going to help you to learn how to train them, help them to learn from this situation, give them positive correction. And so if you're wise in the scriptures, each question can lead to other avenues of thought that can help you discern what is going on within the child. And notice, none of this can happen if you're carrying on in an uncontrolled rage, outbursts of wrath, or if you're venting out in frustration. The fact that the child has hit someone else is already emotionally charged, right? So you need to come in there and control the situation, not with your emotional outburst. You're trying to diffuse the emotions, not exacerbate them with your own emotional outburst. You're trying to diffuse his emotions so you can start helping that child explain what's going on within, and once you understand, you can then guide him. Now, there's many different questions that address his sins and help him understand the need of Christ's grace and redemption, because that's where you're trying to get them to. You must begin by seeking to understand the nature of the internal conflict that was expressed when he hit his sister. Alright? And so as the child answers the question, your role is to help him understand himself and speak with clarity and honesty about his internal struggle with sin. And you need to help them understand that they are sinners by nature. And then what does that open the door up for? The gospel. You've got an avenue right to the cross to take them to the cross. Now, as you talk to your child, you need to get him to see three things. Number one, the nature of temptation. The nature of temptation is strong, is it not? Number two, the possible responses to temptation. And then you can talk to him about his own sinful response. So there's three things you want to get him to see. The nature of temptation, the possible biblical responses to temptation, and then you want to deal with him about his own sinful response. And in this approach, when you do this, you're doing two things. You stand both above him and beside him. You're above him because God has put you in a place of authority to correct and to discipline. But you're beside him because you, as a sinner, right? You're now coming beside him as a sinner, one who struggles, maybe with anger, maybe you struggle with it as well, but you can come along beside him and help him understand these problems. The problem with most parenting approaches is that we emphasize either one or the other. Some parents identify so much with the child that they refuse to discipline them or correct them. You know, a lot of times, maybe they reason, well, how can I correct him if I'm guilty of the same thing? Well, how do you respond to that? If you're guilty of the same thing, what do you need to do? repent, confess your sins, so that you might be able to help someone else, like your child, right? But understand, you are their authority, so you can't refuse to discipline and correct. Others stand so much over their child that they're hypocritically distant from their children. And you've got to remember, you are God's agent. Therefore, you have the responsibility within your home to censor evil. But you do this as a sinner who is beside them and able to understand the way sin works within the human heart. now you're able to reach them. So what I want to do is look at some various ways to communicate from the Scriptures, what the Scriptures teach with respect to communicating to your children. So what are the different types? Well, oftentimes what we see, and I'll just write this up so you'll have it. Oftentimes what we see in most homes is you have these three things. You have rules, you have correction, And then you have discipline. Alright? That's typically the way most homes work, if they're doing anything at all. So what happens is you give your child rules, the correction phase comes into play when they break the rules, and in the discipline phase you announce the price they're going to pay for breaking the rules. Now, here's the thing. Every family does need rules, correction, and punishment. But for many, this is just the extent of the communication with their children. That's about as far as they'll go. And what we want to do is look at it a little bit deeper. Go below this level. Go below that dimension. We want to find another dimension of communication that lies beneath all of this and goes beyond just the rules and calling your children to account to those rules. So let me give them to you real quick. So we're not saying this is not valuable. What I'm saying is this is not enough. So think of other types of communication. You need to think of encouragement, rebuke, entreaties, instruction. warnings, let's see, teaching, and then prayer. There's probably more that I haven't thought of, but this at least gets the conversation going right. And so the question I want you to think about before we get into all this, what percentage of time do you think you spend in rules, correction, and discipline, as opposed to these other forms of communication? probably most would say 80 to 90%. 80 to 90% of your time, more than likely, when you're communicating with your children, in terms of training them, is highlighting the rules, correcting when they break the rules, and either disciplining them or letting them know what the discipline's gonna be when they break your rules, okay? Your communication must not leave out, though, encouragement, correction, rebuke, entreaties, instruction, warning, teaching, and prayer, because a lot of this right here is happening not while you're disciplining the child. It should consume them. Ninety percent of your time ought to be doing this, so that a minority of your time is dealing with this. Isn't that what Deuteronomy 6 says? When should you be teaching and training your children? All the time. So if the only time you're doing it is when this has been upset, do you see the problem? You're missing out on so much more you could be working on your children with. Turn over to the first Thessalonians 5. 1 Thessalonians 5, we read this in verse 14. Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly. Comfort the faint-hearted. Uphold the weak. Be patient with all. Just, you know, in this text, Paul's point is that there are different situations that require different forms of communication. I mean, if I only communicated with you guys in terms of rebuke all the time, How would you like that? If the only time I communicated with you, beyond just in the pulpit, was just constant rebukes, I mean, there wouldn't be any relationship there. There's got to be more than that between us, and I would say even more so between you and your children. And so I think we do great harm when we fail to discern what type of communication is appropriate for the moment. So let's talk about encouragement. Let's go through the different ones. Let's talk about encouragement. We never need to forget to inspire and fill our children with hope and courage. When your child recognizes they're in the wrong, you don't necessarily have to give them an additional rebuke. When you detect the Spirit of God working within your child, encourage them to continue to seek after God and seek after what brings God pleasure. Encourage them in that way. When a child is tangibly struggling with sin, encourage them by reminding them Christ came for the needy. He came for the sinful people. Lay the gospel out there. Encourage them to pursue Christ. If your child has failed in some way, use this as a time to encourage them. Remind them of the times when things looked hopeless for you and how God was faithful to you when you made mistakes. Help them assess why they are disappointed and point them to the promises of God. If your child is called to do something, for example, that appears to be greater than their ability, encourage them to find courage. Encourage them to find hope and inspiration from God to lead them and guide them. Think about the inspiration that we get from God who draws near to us when we're in need. If you see God working in their lives and they're making great strides in holiness, continue to encourage them. Remember, you don't have to communicate to them only when they break your rules. But if you see the Lord working in them, encourage them in that matter. Come along beside them. Encourage them to keep pursuing and seeking after God. And watch what God does with them. As we have called our children to pursue after God, we need to be consciously looking for ways to encourage them. Think about the gifts that exist here in this church with these children. Think about the wonderful talents that God has provided each one of these kids. Encourage them to pursue those for the glory of God. And don't just encourage them to help them express their gifts and talents. only for just recognition, right? Teach them how to utilize their gifts in the service of the body. So many ways we can encourage our kids. It doesn't always have to be negative reinforcement. I would say a lot of our time ought to be in this area here, looking for ways to think through what God has done in our children. Every one of them, God is uniquely gifted. Do they know that? Have they seen that? Have we taken the time to pour in and encourage them to pursue this and to develop and see their talents blossom. What about correction? What do we mean when we talk about correction? Correction means we're bringing the child into conformity with a standard. The purpose of correction is to remedy something wrong. Correction gives your child insight into what is wrong and what needs to be done to rectify the problem or to correct the problem. Correction helps your children to understand God's standard, and then it teaches them to assess their behavior against that standard. Turn over to 2 Timothy. 2 Timothy 3. Look at verse 16. Recall, one of the functions of God's Word is for correction. So when you see that there's a deviation from God's standard, right, you're to be bringing them back into alignment with the standard. So let's say you're doing family worship and you have a child that doesn't participate. Maybe they're not singing. Or maybe they're not listening to the Word. Maybe they're not participating in prayer. Maybe when you pray and you open one of those eyes and you see a lot of squirming going on. Some of you fathers, by the way, need to wake up in the prayer time in here and see what's going on with your children. Alright, maybe the same is true within the women. I don't know. I don't get in there. But my point to you is this. If you see someone in your own family worship, you've got a great opportunity to teach them why this is important. Why is it important that they worship God in the home? Why is it important that they give respect and pay attention when the Word of God is being taught? Why is it that they ought to be engaged when the prayers of the saints are going up? Do you see all the opportunities you're missing out on to correct behavior? And when do you try to correct it? When you get here. Some of you are dealing with a lot of correction in the church, and this is not the place for correction, although I agree that you should be correcting them. But the correction ought to be happening within the home. You should be training them in how to behave in the church in the home. Alright, so that's correction. What about rebuke? What is a rebuke? A rebuke censors behavior, and depending on the nature and the extent of the rebellion, it's okay for your child to experience a sense of alarm or shock at sinful behavior, at what might have been said or done. And if you have clearly taught within your home a principle or a rule, and your child blatantly disregards, then a rebuke is necessary. And so after you rebuke, keep in mind that other forms of communication are required, such as instruction, encouragement, and prayer. Don't just leave it with the rebuke. If I came to you and rebuked you and just walked away, that'd kind of leave you feeling something other than, I've been encouraged. So whenever there's a rebuke, there needs to be encouragement, there needs to be prayer, there may need to be some instruction, there may need to be some teaching that goes along with it. Does that make sense? Now, this word, entreaty. What do we mean by entreating? Well, this is a form of communication that's very earnest, very intense. Now what it involves is, is it involves pleading, soliciting, urging. This is an earnest pleading of a father and a mother who understands the child and the ways of God during, and I'm talking about an extreme moment. And in this form of communication, there's a bearing of the soul to the child to plead with him, act in wisdom Act in faith. Trust God. You're bearing your soul to Him. You're pleading with Him. And this is a form of communication that's reserved for use of just cases of great importance, especially if the child is making a decision or behaving in such a way that's so destructive for their soul. You plead with them. I mean, for example, refusal to remove themselves from under a situation that contains a huge temptation. You need to plead with them. Now if they're a young child, there's other methods that you need to be dealing with there. But particularly as your children get older, right? You need to be pleading with them. Turn over to Proverbs 23 again and look at what Solomon says there. Proverbs 23, look at verse 26. My son, give me your heart and let your eyes observe my ways. I mean, when you read that, can you almost hear Solomon pleading? Give me your heart. I mean, you can hear the earnestness, the entreaty behind these words. And you might use this when mourning, for example, your boys or girls, the importance of saying, let's think of something serious here. You might use this as a warning for them, the importance of avoiding sexual sins or avoiding things such as pornography. I mean, the dangers are so great, so destructive. You plead with them. You bare your soul before them. And treat them to the dangers of opening themselves to temptations that would lead them to impurity. Why is this so important? Well, it's important with respect to sexual sins because sexual sins denigrates the image of God and fails to preserve His name as a holy and glorious Creator. And also make sure, I just want to throw this in there as an aside, make sure all your instructions you bring to your children, always call your child to think of the grandeur and the majesty of God. But when you plead with them, you make sure they understand the negative impacts. In other words, it doesn't bring the blesses of God. It dishonors God. Think of the physical implications to whatever the issues you're dealing with. Think of the positive impacts. to obey in this situation would honor God. You would experience the blessing and the joy of applying God's will with respect for, you know, let's say for sexual impurity. Think about the blessings that come from applying God's Word with respect to biblical purity. Think about the blessing of the one husband, one wife relationship. So when dealing with an entreaty, think through some of the principles from God's Word where you've been challenged in your own life, and you bring this to light with your children. Plead with them about the importance of knowing God's Word and applying it. You know, I do this almost every week, don't I? I plead with you guys to know God's Word. Every week you hear me almost say this, right? Why? Because it's so important. It's been so critical in my own walk, in my own life, because I grew up so ignorant of God's Word. I think of some of the churches that I found myself in out of pure ignorance and the destructive nature of what those churches were teaching. I cannot plead with you enough to know God's word. Plead with your children to know God's word. So that's an entreaty. You see that? I mean that's a rich form of communication for your children when you bare your soul open and you explain to them the importance of these different issues. How about instruction? What is an instruction? Well, instruction is the process of providing a lesson, a precept, information that's going to help your child understand the world they live in, right? As a parent, you're dealing with young people who have huge gaps in their understanding of life. They need information about themselves that God's Word provides. They need to understand the world that contains a spiritual reality and the spiritual dangers that are truly out there. They also need the principles of how to live within the kingdom of God. Now, this is where the Proverbs can help you out. Alright? Your child needs a framework into which they understand life and the framework of God's precepts, right? Proverbs gives instructions about... Let's say, for the example, the character of a fool. What does the character of a fool look like? What does the character of a sluggard look like? What's the character of a wise man in contrast to the character of a mocker? What does God's Word have to say about honesty, deceitfulness, integrity, taming the tongue, guarding the heart? All kind of opportunities for you to communicate with your children that goes far beyond just these three. That make sense? These are important principles that will help your child develop discernment about how to live life that is pleasing to God. I mean, there's no reason why your child has to wait until they're in their mid-thirties to start applying these principles. They can learn at a young age, but you've got to invest time in instructing them. Turn over to Psalm 119. In Psalm 119, we read this in verse 98. You, through your commandments, make me wiser than my enemies, for they are ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers, for your testimonies are my meditation. I understand more than the ancients, because I kept your precepts." Notice what he says in verse 104. Through your precepts, I get understanding, therefore I hate every false way. How will your child know the false way? When you teach him and spend time instructing him on the true way, which is found in God's I'd encourage you fathers and mothers, you need to sit down and start outlining character issues that you want to instruct in your children. Then you need to spend some time in the Scriptures together and start pulling the weight of Scripture together so you can instruct your children in these different areas. Do you know where to take your children about a deceitful tongue? Do you know where to take your children in the Scriptures about what a wise character looks like? And then contrast that with the character of a fool. Do you know how to take them in the Scriptures to see the demise of a mocker? And what's their ultimate end? Do you see why all this is important? Do you know where to take your children with respect to integrity and living a life that honors God? Do you know where to take them to deal with the issue of fearing God? I hope you see maybe we have a lot of work to do. How about a warning? Let's talk about that form of communication. You need to understand that our children's lives are surrounded by spiritual danger at all times. You need to understand that there's an enemy that desires to destroy their souls to see them perish forever. Now, what's the beautiful thing about warnings? Well, a warning puts you on guard with respect to those dangers that are out there. When you think about a warning, a warning is a merciful way to communicate to somebody. If someone were about to hurt themselves, then the merciful thing to do would be what? warn them. Okay. Had a buddy of mine just the other day tell me he was at a plant site in Singapore where they don't have really a lot of emphasis on safety. And as he was walking through the plant, he's walking on this grating. And in America, you by law have to put up a warning sign telling somebody there's a hole in the grating. If somebody had to cut a hole in to do some work. He said he was looking around and somebody grabbed him by the back of the neck and he was one step from falling five stories down because there's an open hole. and there's no warning tape, no warning flag. You see the beauty of a warning? Think about if you're driving down an old, windy country road and the bridge is out. Wouldn't you like to have a heads up saying, hey, in a quarter mile, the bridge is out? You might want to turn around and go the other way. You see, a warning alerts us to dangers while there's still time to escape unharmed. After the harm's been done, well, that's no longer a warning. You see, if you're an alert parent, then you can enable your child to both escape harm and learn in the process. It's a great teaching tool, right? You see, the proper warning actually preserves us. Go back over to Proverbs. Let's look through a few. I'm going to read through them and then I'll pull it all together. But in Proverbs 12, look at verse 24. Let's look at some warnings. The hand of the diligent will rule, but the lazy man will be put to forced labor. What's the warning there? Don't be lazy. You need to warn your children of the consequences of being lazy and slacking off. When there's other people working around and you're sitting around doing nothing, there's a consequence to being lazy. And the Proverbs teach you that. Look at Proverbs 13, look at verse 38. That's the wrong verse, where did I see this? Oh, here it is, verse 18, sorry. Proverbs 13, poverty and shame will come to him who disdains correction, but he who regards the rebuke will be honored. What's the warning there? If you hate correction, guess what's coming to you? Poverty and shame. That's your outlook. Alright? Turn over to Proverbs 14. Now isn't this a good warning? I mean, if you're wise, you'll receive the warnings and you'll say, ah, if I'm lazy, nothing good comes from it. If I disdain correction, if I hate correction, where there's only poverty and shame, according to the Scriptures, that'd be a good warning, wouldn't it? Alright, look at Proverbs 14. Look at verse 23. In all labor there is profit, but idle chatter leads only to poverty. Ah, there's another good warning. You find yourself yakking around all the time, talking, chattering, but you ain't getting anything done? What does that lead you to? You ever see all these folks out there? What's the new chatterbox? Facebook, social media. It amazes me when I come in at the end of the day and look through there and somebody has been writing something almost every hour. What do they do all day? That's like idle chatter, it leads to poverty. Okay? Now I'm not saying Facebook is evil, but I'm saying if you consume yourself with that stuff, the outlook for you, that's why I put you in that category. Alright, Proverbs 15.1. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. What's the warning there? You want to provoke somebody? You want to stir somebody up and get into a fight? Use a harsh answer, right? Now, wouldn't you like to know that? Ain't these are great warnings, right? The gods went ahead and told you ahead of time, right? What about Proverbs 16, look at verse 18. Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. Now, that's a great warning. You want to see your life destroyed? Be arrogant. Be prideful. Think you can do it in and of yourself. Ignore advice such as this. Ignore warnings, right? Ignore them. Don't pay attention to them. Zone out when the preacher is speaking, right? Whatever it is. Zone out, children, when your father or your mother is talking to you, warning you. Well, go to Proverbs 17, look at verse 19. You like these warnings? I like them. He who loves transgression loves strife, and he who exalts his gate seeks destruction. Turn over to Proverbs 19. I'll give you one more. I mean, you get the point. There's a lot of warnings in Proverbs for you. A lot of opportunities. Proverbs 19, 15. Laziness casts one into a deep sleep, and an idle person will suffer hunger. There's a lot of warnings in the scriptures here, isn't it, about being lazy. Alright? Alright, but do you see how a warning, you know, you don't have to do this. You don't always have to be here. You can start communicating now, early, on, correcting, directing your children, instructing them. I mean, these are just a few warnings from the Proverbs. Now, let's ask this question. How do the warnings work? Well, a warning is simply a statement that says, A leads to B. You do this, this is the consequence, right? And for example, what does laziness lead to? Poverty. It also leads to slavery, right? The person who is lazy will end up in some form of servitude. And so, the warning is an application of the sowing and reaping principle that we find operative throughout the entire scriptures. Warning your children, just so you understand this, warning your children is not yelling at them. It's actually spending time with them and teaching them the A leads to B statements found all throughout the scriptures. Eventually, they'll begin to understand, they'll begin to embrace these truths, and once your child begins to internalize these truths, their attitudes, their behaviors are going to be influenced. You know, one of the problems that I've noted with parents and children is that their parents don't really spend enough time warning them and putting them... Well, what they do is they don't warn them, and then what they... Furthermore, what they do is they put them in situations where they're going to fail. I mean, isn't this what you see with some of your friends that you have? You see parents who have their children in church each week, but you know what? They don't really spend any time warning their children. In fact, the situation in our country is actually worse because Most of these parents not only don't warn them, but they put them in areas of temptation without any oversight, such as public school, or such as putting them in front of unqualified teachers in the church. They put them in outside programs such as sports or Boy Scouts without really knowing what's going on, right? And they allow their children to sit under that type of instruction without giving them any warning and preparing them. And what do they do? They set them up to fail. Then what do they do? Well, when they're 18, they send them off to university, and then they can't figure out why their children are rebelling hard. They set them up for failure, right? Instead of preparing them to handle the types of temptation that are out there, at some point, they're going to be an adult, right? They need to learn how to handle temptation. And so, your job is to prepare them by warning them, and as you're warning them, as you're instructing them, as you're teaching them, you're not putting them in situations where they're going to fail. Does that make sense? Here's another one. You see, if a child who has had a lifetime of warning and application of those warnings, then they're prepared to stand firm on these principles wherever they find themselves. Because you've taught them about how to flee temptation. You've taught them about the warnings and the consequences of certain behaviors. How about this? Do you spend any time warning your children about what happens when they neglect the means of grace within your home? Or do you only deal with that when you get here? You see, what happens is, if you're not having this down here, it gets to this, and you could have had a much bigger impact on them if you'd have worn them down here. If you're starting to see the signs of your children not sitting under the means of grace, What are the means of grace? Are they spending any time in the Word? Are they sitting under your teaching of the Word? Are they spending time in prayer? Are they associating with folks that will help hold them accountable? Are you allowing them to associate themselves with people that are going to tempt them to sin? Are they sitting under the means of grace? That would be a great warning for you to spend... I mean, if you're going to warn your children... In fact, I would almost put that one in a treaty. You've got to plead with your children. Don't neglect the means of grace. Here are the consequences of when you neglect the means of grace. Alright? Think about the principles of choosing a friend. Warn them about the kinds of friends they choose and who they hang out with. You know, the Bible's not silent on this. Go back to Proverbs 14. Proverbs 14. Look at verse 7. Go from the presence of a foolish man, and when you do not perceive him, perceive in him the lips of knowledge. You say, what does that got to do with friends? Well, if your friend is a foolish person, don't go in their presence. Why would you associate with a fool? Now that doesn't mean you don't bring the gospel to them. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about you have a close relationship with a fool. What is a fool biblically? One who lives independent of God, right? Isn't that a fool? And you're saying, I want a friendship with that person. I'd like to surround my people with a bunch of folks who want to live independently of God's rule. I'd warn your children of that. Go over to Proverbs 10. Look at verse 18. Whoever hides hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool. Alright? In addition to living independently of God, what's another definition of a fool? One who slanders. Children, if you're spending time with someone who slanders, someone who is a gossip, a tail bearer, then you're spending time with a fool, according to the Scriptures. And my concern for all of you is that this may be a problem. And my bigger concern is that the problem might be at the adult level, not at the child level. If you're in the habit of talking about one another, then stop. Why? because you're playing a fool, according to the Scriptures. You're being a fool. And you're encouraging your children to do likewise. Proverbs 12, look at verse 5. The thoughts of the righteous are right, but the counsel of the wicked are deceitful. If you have a friend, or someone you'd like to be friends with, and they're deceitful, they encourage you to deceit. And I'd say, I'd be leery of hanging out with a person like that. If they encourage you to be disobedient to your parents, to not honor them, not to respect them. You know, biblically, you don't have any grounds to stand on to have a close relationship with that person. I mean, just read through Proverbs. Go all the way through Proverbs 12 and show your children how to discriminate who they build relationships with. I mean, we could go throughout the Bible and we could provide all these warnings in these different areas, but I want you to think through. Think through the areas you wish somebody would have warned you of, and then go back to the Scriptures and start warning your own children. Next, what about teaching? Teaching is the process of imparting knowledge. Teaching is causing someone to know something, and the point of teaching is that it can take place, or it should be, before it's ever needed. You know, if I go out there and design a bridge, that's not the time, I would think, you'd want me to learn how to do structural calculations. You don't want on-the-job training on that one. That's something you want to be taught beforehand. Well, the same is true when it comes to certain biblical principles, certain things that you need to instruct your children in. You need to teach them certain things before the teaching is really ever needed. And that's part of that positive discipline that they should be getting on a daily basis. Okay? And so, as a godly parent, if you're instructed in the scriptures yourself, you've got much to impart. You've got much to give them. And so, draw upon your knowledge of the scriptures If you draw upon that knowledge of the Scriptures, you can teach your child to understand himself, understand others, life. He can understand God's revelation. He can understand God's world. He can have a worldview that is in alignment with God's Word. But this is something you have to actively do. Guess what? This type of information doesn't happen through osmosis. You know, I've tried some of this stuff where you like listen to the Bible or listen to preaching when you sleep. I don't remember any of it. So, you know, none of this happens through osmosis. You've got to proactively be teaching your children, okay? Think ahead. Do any of you parents do a lesson plan when you do math, grammar, history, Bible, you know, one of these things? Well, it's kind of like that. Why don't you think ahead about what you want to teach your children over the next three months and start working together to teach your children? Alright, let me move on. This is gone. Let me move on. The last area is prayer. While prayer is not necessarily communication directly with a child, it is communication with God, right? And this is a critical core element of communication. I think one of the most penetrating insights that you'll ever get of your children is for you to listen to them when they pray. Understand what they pray, how they pray. It's kind of like a window into their soul. Listen to what they're struggling over. Listen to what they're praying about. And in the same manner, I think our prayers as we pray before them, it provides some instruction and insight for the child. Understand, they need to hear your prayers. They need to hear you communicating to God. They need to hear you communicating to God what you struggle with, your faith in God. your dependence and reliance upon God. I think it's an area of communication maybe we don't always think of, but as we pray together with the family, it's important. Well, time's gone on. Let me try to wrap this up. The point of this section is that there's different forms of biblical communication. I hope I gave you some ideas, some things to start thinking of. In other words, a few months down the road, I hope you're not spending 80% of your time communicating in just these up here. I hope you really start thinking through how you can encourage, how to plead with them, how to instruct, how to warn them, how to teach them. Rebuke when necessary, but you need to look at some of these more positive forms and then communicate as you pray. Let me just leave you some questions. Number one, what proportion of your time is restricted to these different types of communication? I mean, are you doing any of this? Start proactively thinking about how you apply these things within your home. Number two, when you find a problem in your home, is your method to deal with the problem just in the way you deal with it is by implementing a new set of rules and punishments? I mean, that's easy, isn't it? Or, when you see these problems, do we look for some of these other ways to try to communicate with them? You know, a new set of rules may not be out of question. Maybe it's needed. Maybe it's something, biblically speaking, you needed to do. But most of the time, what's needed in the home is not a whole other list of rules and do's and don'ts, but it's, you know, start instructing them from the Scriptures. Teach them the principles, and then how to apply the principles within your home, okay? You've got to use some judgment there. You've got to use some discernment in when to apply rules, correction, and discipline. But this is a great way to start thinking about how you communicate to your children. Number three, outline how you walk or how you talk to your children for different forms of sin. I mean, think through your mind ahead of time. What are the sins that you deal with in your home? Arguing with siblings? bad attitude when you give them something to do, they refuse to make up their bed, I mean that one seems to always come up, or whatever it is, right? Go ahead and think about through those scenarios and how you're going to respond biblically to those scenarios if they're already there, right? If you're seeing the warning signs of things, you know, be prepared, be proactive, and learn how to take God's word, all right? Number four, of the different types of communication we've discussed, which ones are you think you're good at? Which ones are you proficient at? And then, you know, go ahead and figure out which ones you probably struggle with and start working on it, all right? Finally, what are the issues that prevent you communicating effectively? Is it because you don't know God's word? You're too tired at the end of the day. You just refuse to do this. And then I will leave you another one. What are other forms of communication maybe I left out here that would be important? But these are the ones just reading through the scriptures or reading through other books and people that have dealt with this. These are some of the ones I came up with. But I think if you would all agree, this would change the dynamic of your home. It will strengthen the relationship between you and your children. I mean, if this is all the communication is built on, that's going to be a tough I mean, that's a difficult way to live. This right here actually makes the home a little bit more exciting and you're bringing God's Word to bear in every area of life.