Please take out your Bibles your notes for the Bible study tonight and If you want to go ahead and turn to Ephesians chapter 5, that's where we'll be looking at some verses together tonight But let's go to God in prayer Heavenly Father Lord, we always always always Need your help When we study your word, it's our minds trying to understand your mind and we can do it Else you wouldn't have given us your word and told us to study it and know it so it is possible Thank you for the Holy Spirit that you've given us to guide us into that understanding that we need and when we need it as long as we're in your word and And I just thank you for the ministry of the Spirit, Lord, in that regard. Help us tonight as as we look at some of your thoughts. Help me as I present the truth in your word. You make sure I just stick to your truth. And that we are able to digest it, know what to do with it when we leave here. So, God, I just thank you again. In Jesus name. Amen. So, author Jonathan Holmes, he says this, and I mentioned this two weeks ago, the last time we were together. Friendship is not so much a series of things we need to do, friendship is more about who we need to be. And that's pretty true, okay? Our last time together, we looked at some of the principles of biblical friendship. And someone had contacted me asking me, what was the definition of biblical friendship? I missed it. No, you haven't. I haven't given it. We're going to look at some principles, and that's what we did our last time together. And four of those principles that we considered last time we were together was, you may recall, they all started with the letter C. Does anyone remember any of them? Yes, thank you. And can you give us one? Constant. How many of you remember that as being one of the principles? Let me explain what we meant by that. A person is a friend to you. You are a friend to that person no matter what. Constancy is a principle of a biblical friendship and that coming from Proverbs 18, 24. Now do you remember that principle? Raise your hand if you remember it. Okay, good. All right, so we went from one to three people. Great. We've slept since then, I understand. That's why I want to go through these principles again. So constancy was a principle of a biblical friendship. The next C was the word candor, candor, okay? And that is, we don't really use that word, so maybe a better word is just being candid. Okay, just being candid with people not rude or obnoxious, but not being subtle Beating around the bush on things just being candid. Here's here's some scripture for that Proverbs 27 verse 5 Open rebuke is better than secret love Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful Now, does God do that? We're talking about biblical friendships. Obviously, if it's biblical, God does this. Does God do that with us? Candid? Oh, yes, he does. Okay. Sometimes when we are in God's word ourselves or we're in here and God's word is being presented, I know God does that because sometimes some of you walk out like, oh, pastor, you got my toes. Well, it wasn't me. It was God being candid the truth sometimes he gets us right between the eyes Constancy that first one that I mentioned is God constant Always yes, so that's why these are principles of a biblical friendship Hebrews chapter 12 in verse 6 another verse it says for whom the Lord loveth he chastened us and Scourgeth every son whom he receiveth So definitely being candid is a biblical principle. The third C was the word carefulness. This has to do with what we say, what we don't say, what we shouldn't say, how we say it, when we say it. A word fitly spoken, it says, is like apples of gold and pictures of silver. there's a right time and a right way and a right place to say what needs to be said. And that's that idea of carefulness. And then the fourth C, the fourth principle, was the word counsel. The Bible says in the multitude of counselors there is safety, right? Would you agree with that? We have a decision that we need to make. We need to make sure we get good counsel. We need to, not just what we think and what we feel. Ooh, there's that feel. We get into so many problems when we make decisions based on our feelings, okay? And we've all learned that perhaps. But this isn't just about us making sure we get counsel before we make a decision. Making sure we have friends who are willing to be candid with us when we ask for counsel, okay? Has anyone ever come up to you and said, oh, what do you think about this that I'm wearing? And you say, oh, that's interesting. Wow, that really brings out the colors of your eyes, or whatever, okay? But you answer, and you're not really that candid with your answer, okay? Or, how do you think I did with this thing that I just did? How do you think I did that? Well, you don't want to hurt their feelings, right? So you say, oh, yeah, you did a good job, that was nice, to whatever it was they're asking you about. Sometimes we need candid counsel from wise counselors, okay? Those who are willing to be that kind of a friend who will tell me straight up, no, don't wear that, that looks stupid, okay? Now, that's just a very simplistic example, but some other things that we do in our life, We need people to say, hey, that's that's not wise. What are you doing? But how about this? It's not just about us before we make a decision, getting wise counsel. We need to be a biblical friend. Be the one who's willing to give that candid counsel to people. Even though it might be difficult. Hard and and uncomfortable these these four things They're they're a nice little alliterated list. They all start with the letter C Okay, and and you've had perhaps lists like that some of you that take notes in your Bibles You probably have some kind of an alliterated outline in your Bible from a past message. Okay? They're nice but my question is how How do we do that list? I'm glad they all start with the letter C. But how do we do those things? How do we be constant and candor and careful and counsel? How do we do those things? So that's what we're going to spend a little time on this evening, is how to do those principles. So in Ephesians, Chapter 5, actually verses 1 through 21 is just a good section to look at for context. We don't generally have enough time on Wednesday night to look at all of that, but so we're just going to narrow it down and begin looking at verse 15. It says, see then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. This is God's will. We need to understand that God wants us to redeem the time. Now the word redeem, literally it means buy back, okay? But looking at it in this context here, we could say this, it means make the most of every opportunity that we've been given. Someone asked me the question a week or two ago. If you only had seven days to live, would this thing that I was frustrated over, would it even matter? Well, that really puts things into perspective, doesn't it? Okay? And this was a supposed friend that said this to me. And they were being, counselor and candid and it probably wasn't comfortable but they were right that's making the most of every opportunity so in other words it's saying be careful how you live don't live like fools but instead live like those who are wise Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days, is what those verses is saying. Don't act thoughtlessly. Understand what God wants you to do there in those three verses. So what does he want us to do? Reflect the image that we were created in. Going back to Genesis chapter 1 and 2, 3, our first week, our first lesson in this series, We were created in the image of God, and our purpose then is to reflect the image of God. When people see us, they need to see God, right? So when people see us, they need to see God in the way that I'm a dad. They need to see God in the way that I conduct my life. They need to see God in the way that I drive when someone cuts me off. They need to see God in all those different ways in my life. but they also need to see God in my friendships. And not just people out there, but you need to see God in my friendships. If I am obeying God and reflecting the image of God, if I'm ignoring that part, the friendship part, then I am intentionally, purposefully not focusing on reflecting the image of God. In in in that one area Part of that image that we are to reflect is this image of oneness Going back to that first lesson God the Father God the Holy Spirit God the Son the Trinity completely one We were created in that image. So we need to reflect oneness friendship in the way that God displays it for us. The four C's list, those are all displayed by God. So how? It starts with our attitudes and our goals. The assignment that I gave you, one of the questions was that first question. And I don't even have that question with me. What was my first question that I gave you? Okay, here's my questions. Thank you, David. Looking at your day, how do you spend it? And how you spend it? How would you categorize what you spend your time on? What did you come up with? The average day, how do you spend your time? I would say one of the things I do is eating. There's time spent eating, right? How else do you categorize the things you do in your day? Working. Yep, we eat, we work. Armand? Sleeping. Yes. Karen? Oh yes, our time of devotion. Absolutely. Okay. What else? Changing diapers. Spoken like a mama with little ones. Okay. So we can put that in the category of family. Right. Okay. Anyone else have something different? I heard some other voices. Yes. Family needs. Absolutely. Whatever we want to do. Spoken like a true retired person. That's right. Okay. So I heard devotion. I heard family. I heard work. There's health. Maybe some of us, part of our day is spent attending to our health, exercise or whatever the case is, caring for our possessions. Like taking care of our yard, taking care of our house, cleaning the house, there's the category of church, the category of serving Christ, serving others, sleep, Armin mentioned that, getting rest. How do we juggle all of that? There's a lot of categories there, and a lot of things to do. How do we juggle all that? There isn't a simple answer for it. But this is true. Saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else. We all have the same amount of time. You all know that, OK? But saying yes to one thing means we have to say no to something else because we have a limited amount of time Wait Here's something I noticed And if you said it, I missed it. So instead of stating it, I'll ask the question Did anyone say when I was we were going through the categories of how we spend our day? Did anyone say? invest in biblical friendships I don't think I heard anyone say that, okay? If we want biblical friendships, friendships that allow us to reflect the image of God, we have to invest in biblical friendships. When I was working in sales, my boss, who just put it all down very simply for us, If you want to buy this extra thing, what do you have to do to get it? Well, he would then take and look at the equipment that I was supposed to be selling and say, OK, if you sell three of these this month, boom, you've got it. You just break it down. If you want this, you've got to do this to get it. If you want biblical friendships, we have to focus on, we have to put that into our category of how we spend our time each day. We have to invest in biblical friendships, and that means our time, because they don't just happen to us. We have to have that attitude. Okay. That's the attitude that we have to have. And that's the why and the how of the friendship. purpose? What's the purpose? That's a that's a question that maybe for the last year I've been asking a lot here at church okay and the deacons know that because we've been working through that question as far as what's the purpose of the church and right now what's the purpose of deacons and Pastor Taylor will come to me with different ideas and I've had him work through it what's the purpose of youth activities? What's the purpose of snack or smacks? The last one he just did for me is what's the purpose of a missions trip? And the purpose of asking what's the purpose is so that we have the right attitude going into it. This is what we're doing. This is why we're doing what we're doing. And that helps us establish the goals so that we can fulfill the purpose. Luke chapter 10 and verse 27. And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, with all thy strength, with all thy mind and thy neighbor as thyself. There's our purpose. That's the attitude that we need to have as our purpose for biblical friendships. If your friend and you follow that verse right there, Biblical friendship will develop So if I look at that Love God with all my heart and love my friend. I Will have a biblical friendship what's missing in that formula As I just read that Love God and love my friend and I will have a biblical friendship I'm missing in that formula. Remember our first week or two weeks talking about friendships, how many times our friendships are based on what that friendship brings to me and gives to me and provides for me and meets my needs in this way or that way. Totally not connected at all with Luke 1027. So we have to develop this attitude about friendship. We have to change our thinking. When we love God as we should, here's what happens. Our relationship with God becomes paramount. That is the most important thing. And when that happens, our relationship with God grows, and then we are able to love others the way he's currently loving us in that relationship. It just flows through us and to others. That was a question that I had asked you. Question number two, why does God love us? What do you think? Why does God love us? because he created us okay yeah Pat he created us in his image okay because we're his children okay that's those are good answers his nature okay going to the theological roots of it here He makes a choice to love us. OK, I don't I don't as I thought through this, I don't know that there is a right answer. But all of your answers that you gave, they they they sound plausible. I don't know that I ever until until I laid this out, considered. That question. I know why we should love God, right? I know why we love God, because he first loved us. It tells us that in his word, but nowhere have I ever read why God loves us. What do we have to offer him? Nothing, right. He doesn't love us, and I'm going to have you bridge with me to how we approach our friendships. He doesn't love us because we have shared interests. He doesn't love us because he's lonely and we help him feel loved and accepted and that's why he loves us. Isn't that what we look for in some of our friendships? He doesn't love us because we take time for him and do things with him and think of him and we're kind to him. Wait, isn't that how we evaluate our friendships though? Do we have shared interests? Do they make me feel special? Do they attend to my needs when I'm lonely? Are they kind to me? Do they do things with me? God, we don't offer any of that to God, and he still loves us. Here's what we call that. His love is unconditional. It's another way of looking at that idea of unconditional love. So we love him and his love, which is unconditional love, flows through us. And guess what it does when it comes into us? It flows out of us to others. Call them friends. What kind of love is flowing out of us to others now? Unconditional love. So that should totally transform some of our friendships that we have. They should now become unconditional friendships, not based on what we're getting from them. So it's an intentional investing of our time, like God does with us, investing ourselves into the lives of friends. That sounds really biblical, doesn't it? That's what God does with us. Intentional investing into our lives. And that's the attitude that is necessary for us to have biblical friendships. Friendships that reflect the image of God. Because that is the goal of biblical friendships, isn't it? That was the third question that I asked you. What is the goal? What did you come up with as your answer? The goal of biblical friendships. Let's go back to Luke chapter 10 and verse 27. Love God with all of our hearts. We want our friends to love God with all of their hearts. So we're investing with intentionality into them for the purpose, the goal, of loving God with all of their hearts. And did you notice all of that is focused on nothing having to do with me? I just want my friend Gary to love God with his whole heart. I love God with my whole heart. I'm working on that. I want Gary to love God with his whole heart. And so I'm going to intentionally invest in him with a biblical friendship to direct him to God. So he will love God with his whole heart. Excuse me. If we don't get what we feel we want or need from a relationship, we generally tend to get out of that relationship. So it was never a biblical friendship anyway. Let's look at our second point. First and foremost, it's attitude and goals. That has to start there. We have to have the right attitude. Then we move to conversation. are conversation and contexts. Conversation is how to achieve this goal that we just talked about. Reflecting the image of God in relationships. Here's one of the ways that we do that with words. Not just, how's the weather? I saw this, I saw this, kind of this video spoof on, oh no, it was a commercial. progressive commercial and It was spoofing people when they get older and you know Younger people are starting to act like their parents and here's how you know when you start to act like your parents Because every time you call and have a conversation with someone you're telling them what the weather is And when I saw that I'm like I Do that And I'm thinking back to the last phone call I had with with my daughter or my son. I'm like, ah, I get that. So words, but not just words about the weather. The sport of some sports team. Okay. And why is that? Do you know? Do you know who, who? who talks to me about the weather every single day. The weatherman. And I ain't got no close biblical relationship with the weatherman. And he talks to me every day about the weather. So it's not those kinds of words, okay? It's not just that. Those are good things, okay? Talking about the weather or sports or shared areas of interest. Those are all good things, but it's not just those things. Those things are good in providing the avenues to then go to a different level, okay? But those things don't accomplish the goal. Getting my friend Gary to love God with all of his heart. I In fact the weatherman or weather calm Confession time. Okay. This is a self-help group I'm addicted. Okay more than once a day. I will check weather calm. I It really doesn't change that much but I gotta go. No. No, I gotta know if it's going to snow Okay, or whatever and I got to check it multiple times a day And it does nothing does nothing for me biblically to love God more so What would be examples of words That could go beyond the weather sports and shared interest How could you, how do you envision yourself using words to go beyond talking about the weather or sports and shared interests? What's that? Praising, praising, praising God. Okay. Yeah. Sharing a praise. Hey man, I got to tell you what God did. This was so exciting. Excellent. Yep. What else? Oh yeah, sharing a verse that you had just read that morning, perhaps, and you got really excited about it. Oh, very good, expressing your concern and that you're praying for them. Cheryl, it looks like you're trying to raise your hand. Okay, something that God has shown you through his word. Yeah, the ways that you could do it, the types of words you could use are almost limitless. But we have to be willing to invest and take that intentional step to get past the weather sports and shared interests. Okay, here's another how sharing a meal. Now that's something we can all do, right? Because we all eat. But it's not just eating together. How many of you are fast eaters? Yeah, I know some people are fast eaters. And man, they sit down, they eat. You know, I'm still cutting my meat or whatever. I don't know. Some people are faster eater than others. At times, I can be a fast eater. You know why? Six kids. No, I got things to do. We sit down, we eat, and something I really have to work on. Because my wife and I, we try to have supper together every night. But I got stuff to do. So it's just eat, fill the void, and move on to the next thing. Mowing my grass, or going to counseling, or something like that. Eating, eating for for our culture has become a task, hasn't it? It's something on the to do list that we have to do. And as soon as we get done, then we can move on to another thing. But now with the advent of electronical devices, we can multitask while we're eating. So we can eat, check that task, and while we're doing that, we could be answering some emails, checking that task, while the other person at the table is doing the same thing, or responding to a text, or sending a text, or adding something to their to-do list. We can multitask while we're eating. This is not sharing a meal. Maybe that's why I don't eat breakfast. I've often wondered, because I love breakfast, why don't I eat breakfast? That's the best meal of the day. I can eat breakfast anytime during the day, okay? So why don't I eat breakfast in the morning? Because when I get up, I have my time with God, I get dressed, I'm ready to go, I've got my to-do list, and I'm not going to take time to eat right now. Look at all this stuff I get to do right now, and poof, I'm off and running. You know, The studies have shown there has been a 33 to 45 percent decline in people who share a meal. That's sitting down, eating together, and not, boom, they're off as soon as they're done. Sharing a meal. It's it's a time of Not just eating and filling the stomach, but it's a time for What was that last one we looked at words? While we're sharing that meal face-to-face conversation hopefully biblical edifying of others Thereby honoring to God so sharing a meal is a way that we could intentionally invest in biblical friendships Providing that it's this kind of sharing a meal. Here's another one confrontation This is loving this is this one's harder to do this is loving others the way that God loves them and This is asking someone when they're irritated by something insignificant, this is asking them, if you were to die in seven days, would this be a big deal to you right now? Yeah, that's what this is, confrontation. Author Jonathan Holmes says it this way, in the course of building a biblical friendship, Many conversations can and should be simple, easy, enjoyable. But if we are serious about having a friendship that exists, the purpose of it, to increasingly glorify God, then at times our talk will have to venture into less comfortable territory. That is so true. Okay, now we're talking talk that is part of sanctification, putting off sinful habits, putting on Christ-likeness, that kind of talk. Remember the goal though, okay? Helping my friend to love God with all of his heart. That's the goal of a biblical friendship. That's not very fun though, is it? So this part of biblical friendship we could consider this as Sacrifice We are sacrificing our comfort zone for the sake of this friendship Something a sacrifice in the sense that this is something we wouldn't naturally want to do But are willing or even glad to do for the sake of another sacrifice Here's a great verse for that John 15 13 It says greater love hath no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends And there is the picture That is the image created in this image. We were created in the image of God. That's the image that we were created in to reflect that image right there, that image of sacrifice that Jesus demonstrated for us. Jesus had to do this. In order to have a biblical relationship with us, he had to do that sacrifice. as individuals desiring to reflect the image of God, we have to include sacrifice in this area of confrontation and being willing to do that. What are some questions that you might be able to ask your friend to take your relationship to the next biblical level? What are some questions that you might ask them? What do you think? How about, how can I pray for you? I had someone ask me one time, and it caught me off guard. He's sitting here tonight. He asked me So so so how is how has God been working in your life? I don't usually get asked that question caught me off guard, but oh did I appreciate that? So how can I pray for you, how is God working in your life? Here's another one. Where are you struggling at in your life right now? Armand what were you going to say? Do you enjoy reading the Bible? Yep. That's a that's a good Kickstarter type of question. Yeah. Where are you struggling now? I don't know that I would ask that question to someone I just met. OK, but we're building, investing in a relationship and moving into these confrontational type questions. So how about this one? Where do you see me growing spiritually? Did you under did you hear the pronouns in there so Gary's my friend that I've been using all night Gary Where do you? See me growing spiritually You know what he could say well sleep pastor I haven't seen you growing spiritually anywhere Which is why I'm never going to ask any of you that question I But shouldn't we ask that question? Because we need someone to help us love God with all of our heart, don't we? A biblical relationship, a biblical friendship. How can I be a better friend to you? Another possible question, and there's more. So there are things that you can and should do to foster a biblical friendship. Invest time. Make sure you have the right attitudes and goals. Move past shared interests to sanctifying conversations. That's the context part of it. Okay, what are we talking about? Getting past the weather and the sports. So next week, we're going to look at potential threats to biblical friendships. The things that could already exist in our friendships right now, and we don't even realize it, that are keeping our friendships from being biblical. Heavenly Father, help us this week to put into practice these little things that we've looked at here tonight. And once again, we thank you for the practicality of your word and how it's something that we can do. We thank you, in Jesus' name, amen.