With this, we add our fourth part of the definition of Christian Courtship. Our fourth definition of Christian Courtship is that it is exercising godly wisdom and prayer whether this should be your spouse. Again, with this outline on page 10. Of course, like I said, next week will be modified. It won't be on page 10, it'll be probably like 15 or something like that because I'm adding the other things. For tonight, it's Roman numeral 7 on the bottom of page 10. This is a part of Christian courtship. It's not just only these people are here or they want to be married. It has to be with people that are heterosexual, that is opposite gender. And it's not merely just also as well people that are among Christians. That even when they are in that relationship, The goal and the intent of that relationship is to ask the question, is this person someone that God has saved and would approve as your future spouse? Again, I think sometimes some people could enter into a relationship thinking, okay, already I know this is a Christian, number one, I know this person loves God, number two, and number three, this is someone of the opposite gender, boom, you get together, boyfriend, girlfriend, you think, oh, that's set, definitely we're going to be married, but no. It's in that process of Christian courtship, of that relationship, of that dating relationship, we could even call it that, is really for the purpose, the main goal is not to have fun, it's not even to have joy, it's not to make that person make you feel happy at that time, or make you not feel lonely. The main intention of that is actually at that time period, that season of their life and that relationship is to exercise godly wisdom and prayer, whether this person is your future spouse, right? Now, I want to begin with this in letter A, that it is important for us as Christians, is really to find the right person, okay? It is to find the right person. If you guys could turn with me to Proverbs chapter 18 verse 22. Actually, in the beginning, for the next few minutes, we'll probably be looking at several Psalms, several Proverbs here. The Bible teaches that finding the right person to marry is a blessing from God. Now, as we turn to Proverbs chapter 18 verse 22, Proverbs 18 verse 22. Could I have Josh read me out loud Proverbs 18 verse 22. He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. Notice here in Proverbs 18 verse 22 it says he who finds a wife, that is find a spouse, it's a good thing, yes? All of God's single people say Amen. And those that are married say Amen also as well. And then it goes on, the second line is that in this situation they've obtained favor from the Lord. Now whenever we read Proverbs, we need to understand Proverbs is really a slice of reality. Think of a pie, right? When you think of a pie, there's different slices. Now, if you say there's only one slice, and you interpret everything as a whole, in light of that, then you have a problem. To balance that also as well, Scripture at the same time, even in the Book of Proverbs, states the principle in line number two, that at the same time, finding the wrong person and being married to them can also be troubling. Where the first point being made is, that marrying an ungodly person is being compared to... what is an ungodly person being compared to in the Bible is that it's not necessarily a nice thing, right? Turn with me to Proverbs chapter 12 verse 4, right? Proverbs chapter 12 verse 4. When we turn there, could I have David Hahn read me Proverbs chapter 12 verse 4? You're reading to the ESV, right? Yes. Okay. An extra wife is the crown of her husband. The first line, an excellent wife is compared to what? A crown for a husband. They say diamonds are a woman's best friend. A crown to the husband. It glorifies the husband, so to speak, if you will. But the contrast, this is the contrast of Proverbs, the contrast is in the second line. But she who brings shame to her husband, is implied, is like rottenness to his bones. Notice the latter half of this verse, she's described as one, this individual, unlike the other one previously, she's compared to rottenness. which is in an agricultural society, that's an imagery that everyone would be familiar with, even we do also as well when we see food goes bad, right? And we see here that, hey, in this case, she's like, you know, one who brings shame is like rottenness to his bone, right? Now turn with me then to Proverbs 19 verse 13. Proverbs 19 verse 13. We turn to Proverbs 19, verse 13. Could I have Jonathan read me that verse? Proverbs 19, verse 13. A foolish son is the destruction of his father, and his wife are of a heart of sin. Yeah, right. So it says here, this is a case of bad relations, right? The first part begins with a foolish son is destruction to his father. How many movies have we seen that on television? A bad son brings bad fame to the dad and ruins a family, etc. But the second line is really what we want to concentrate on. The contention of a wife or a constant dripping, right? So think of a rainy day, you hear water going, dripping, drip, drip, drip, drip, and it drives someone crazy, right? With that, okay? And then if you guys could turn with me again to Proverbs 27 verse 8. And if I could have Ben Thuong read me Proverbs 27 verse 8. Like a bird that's raised from its nest is a man that's raised from his home? Is that the right one? I was talking about a bird, I was like, well... Described here, it's the same thing, a man who wanders away from his home, a man with no commitment to the family, really he's not about the home life. His heart is always wandering elsewhere, right? Is this man going to be a blessing to his spouse, that is to the wife? No, right? It's like a bird that wanders away from the nest, right? Don't care about the younglings. Nothing else just leaves it there, right? Probably even the nest will be neglected as a result of that, right? And here it shows that this is not going to be a blessing for if a woman here is marrying the wrong man, right? It's not going to be a blessing. Josh? Isn't this still in Proverbs? Yeah, Proverbs 27 verse 8, right? Proverbs 27 verse 8, okay? Then the next part, we're still in Proverbs 27. Someone read me verse 15 and 16. Constant dripping on the day of steady, steady rain, and the continuous woman alike, he who would restrain her, restrain the wind, and grasp oil with his right hand. What kind of imagery here, right? Let's go through this a little bit more slowly. This is the same thing earlier about the contentious wife. It's like in the imagery being compared to the constant dripping on a day of steady rain. And contentious women are alike. It's just that constant background noise. Not saying anything helpful, just background noise. could easily be something we could be annoyed with, right? And notice it goes on, the next line of verse 16, if someone is trying to control this person, it's like trying to restrain the wind, right? Verse 16, could we restrain the wind? Do we control the wind? Not really, right? Could you actually grab a hold of wind and control it? Not really. That's why later in scripture, the scripture says, the Holy Spirit is like the wind. It goes through and through whatever it wants. No one could really restrain it, right? No one could really restrain it. In the same way, also as well, you marry the wrong person in the wrong household, there's no sense this person is going to submit, right? This person is like the wind, going through and through whatever she wants. She thinks she's the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit of her husband's life, right? So we see here in this comparison, In both imagery, verses 15 and 16, it's not an imagery of a positive one. When it comes to a woman that we pick, for you men here, picking the wrong woman, this is one of the consequences you see here, right? We also want to look at Proverbs that does comparison, the better than comparison in Proverbs. Proverbs is very significant for oftentimes comparing things, really to show Christian values also as well. to judge things, but we need to have right judgment. To help us have right judgment, Proverbs is a great book to give right judgment of just things in life, in the natural realm of life also as well. Practical judgment. So turn to our first comparison, Proverbs 21 verse 9. If you actually notice here, we're continuously seeing this contentious woman being brought up again and again, okay? Proverbs 21 verse 9, when we turn over there, Ben Ward, do you want to read to us? Are you loud enough to read to us Proverbs 21 verse 9? Yes sir, Proverbs 21 verse 9. It's better to live in a corner of a wolf than a house shared with a contentious woman. That's a pretty interesting imagery here. It's better to be upstairs and be in the corner of a roof, of all the dangers with it, than rather to even live and share a home with a contentious woman. Then Proverbs 21, 19, 10 verses down. Thank you Ben for reading live from Arizona. Verse 21-19, here we see again, the same better than comparison. It is better to live in a desert. So, reading between the lines, it's better to live in Arizona. There was a contentious and vexing woman, right? It's like, wow, what an imagery, okay? Then the third better than comparison of a contentious woman is in Proverbs 25 verse 24. Proverbs 25 verse 24. Ben Chung, could you read that? It's coming in live from Loma Linda. Yeah, so again, once again, this comparison. It is, right? So all of that is to say, what are we trying to do with all this? I'm trying to establish that if we marry the wrong person, it would not be a blessing, right? It would be a source of a lot of strife. So, I think when we see this, yes, to balance the fact that scripture says, he who finds a wife, finds to obtain favor from the Lord, but if we pick the wrong one, then I think oftentimes you see it doesn't bring happiness. Not that happiness is the goal, it's conformity to Christ, right? Because even if you're married already, The goal is not to make yourself happy. The goal is to be transformed to Christ. And then the side effect is we will have true joy, right? That's why we don't tell people, hey, you're not happy, hey, let's get a no-fault divorce. That's unbiblical and ungodly, right? Marriage is a commitment, okay? So I want to make it clear here that finding the wrong woman to marry, or if you're a woman, finding the wrong man, this could actually come back and backfire to you, right? Now I want to say this because we could easily think, If you're single, if you're mid-20s to late 20s to 30s, we could easily be at the point where we're so desperate. You say, you know what? I just want to marry. I don't care. I'll marry them even if they're hairy, even if they're scary, right? We could be like that, where we think, oh, no matter what, I need to be married, because there's that pressure. The biological clock is ticking. It's weird, because all my Facebook, all my friends are already married. And I need to just marry anybody, right? Anybody. Oh, you know, if I was just in this area, maybe God would bless it afterward and just be with it. It's God's sovereignty anyways, right? That's actually an abuse of the sovereignty of God, okay? But I also want to make it clear that we should definitely be wise, even in that relationship. Even before relationship, we should already be thinking, hey, this person does not reflect the biblical values that I want to have in the spouse, and I'm not going to compromise. And even when you're in the Christian relationship, even whatever you know, you'll know the person more. Sometimes part of knowing more means, hey, I've discovered more about this person. that at an initial glance, this person was not what I thought they were. And I think part of that is also Christian courage to do the right thing and say, you know what? It's time to call this off, end this relationship, because this is going to not head towards marriage, and I don't want this to head towards marriage, because this won't work out, OK? I want to make a point here. Is there the one? Let me ask you guys this. Is there the one? Is there the one for you to be married to if there is a plan? Say again? God knows that, okay. But what God knows there is the One. What? Let's just say you know for sure that for some reason God reveals to you, you will be married. But I think we're likely, we're not going to, I'm just saying hypothetical, I'm not like strange, fiery, charismatic right now, okay. Is there such thing as the One? Yeah, you see there's none or there's one, right? Or two? I don't know about two. We don't want to get... That's getting a little too close to Utah there, right? A little bit close to Obligumus, right? But I'd actually say there is... Oh yeah, one passes away. That's the biblical part, okay? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, so I think with that, I do believe in God's honesty. I think it's just interesting, sometimes people don't believe in Calvinism, but they definitely believe there is the One when it comes to relationship, right? And then the question is, but then I think we could apply it the wrong way, where everyone you meet, you ask, are you the One? Oh, no, you're not the knight in shining armor, move on. I would say, whoever you marry, you don't know who the One is until you're married. And that person, at that moment, is the One, okay? That person is then the One that you stay, stick your gun with, unless that person dies, okay? By the way, I do think people divorce, there's no biblical ground for remarriage. Just letting you guys know ahead of time, that is not my philosophy of ministry. I don't think there's biblical ground. Even if you say it's not my fault for marriage, I don't think there is biblical grounds. Just so that later on in life, when you have a divorce and you go, hey Pastor Jimmy, I want to remarry again. You know, just know it's not personal. We'll probably go over this some other time, why I don't think there's biblical ground for remarriage. if there's a divorce. I do think there's a biblical ground for remarriage for spouses that die, pass away, widow and stuff like that. But we'll talk about that another sermon another time, okay? So, let's go on to page 11. Point number 3. While finding the right person can be quite a blessing. That's the contrast. If you are marrying the wrong person, this is going to be really very difficult. But scripture also teaches finding the right person to be married with is a blessing. So, we don't want to just kill joy. Think, oh, we'll never be with someone because it's that bad. Man, all day is just, you're at home, you just can't wait to just hang out with the guys, watching, I don't know, football or something else. I don't want that negative view of marriage either. The biblical realm is also that finding the right person, a godly spouse, is also a blessing. We must not take that away also. We need to affirm that also as well to be biblically balanced. Let's turn to Proverbs 12 verse 4. Proverbs 12 verse 4. Proverbs 12 verse 4. Anyone want to volunteer to read Proverbs 12 verse 4? An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. Same verse we saw earlier, I want to emphasize the first half. An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. It's almost this royalty imagery. So it is a blessing. And then Proverbs 19 verse 14. Proverbs 19 verse 14. We read verse 13 earlier, but now we're looking down at the verses after that. Proverbs 19 Verse 14, I'll read the whole thing, but we'll mainly emphasize the second half. 19.14 says, House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers. But notice verse 14, second half, but a prudent wife is from the Lord, right? You do want a wife that is prudent, right? It is a blessing, and it is a blessing from God, okay? That's a great characteristic, right? It's a great characteristic, I think, to look for a woman of God, right? Our world has it turned upside down, right? Our world says, hey, marry someone that's beautiful and all elegant and really luxurious and everything else. But here 1914 says, a prudent wife is from the Lord, right? I think it's actually a good principle too to look for someone that knows how to squeeze Penny until it hurts right kind of squeeze pennies until they hurt okay That's that's a good characteristics. You want a wife like that rather than someone that needs to have like oh Maybe two months you have to make sure you take me to a restaurant that costs $120 to you like a meal between the two of you right okay, so um So therefore I think as a result one needs to be very careful whom they want to court and consider to be their future spouse. Which leads to the question, how then do you find the right person? Now, I'll go over some of the principles today, but I also don't want a one-size-fits-all. I think there are some general principles with scriptures. We're really focusing today on the process itself. Now, like I said earlier, this series, we're going to front load a lot of it with the biblical principle of what is Christian courtship first. Then the second half, after we're done with this outline, there's another series of outlines that I'm trying to develop. There's another series of outlines that I'm trying to develop that we might not necessarily have all the scriptural verses, but there's a lot of practical wisdom that I want to go over also as well. And I think also anytime in life, if whatever is the wisest thing to do in life, that's oftentimes God's will, right? It's not esoteric. Oh, is this God's will or not? We also know God's given us liberty. Yes, right? God has given us liberty where, hey, God says, hey, I want to marry this Christian sister. I think she's really nice and she's godly. Oh, is it God's will or not? Well, hey, you're godly, she's godly. Both of you guys want God and you have that emotions. and other people affirm it and she likes you back, that's Christian liberty. You have the privilege to be able to pursue that. Of course, with Gandhi wisdom, informing it all along, everything lining up, for instance, that person says yes, etc., family approves, etc. And so these are some general principles. I want to say this because next time we'll actually be going over exercising godliness and other aspects of the Christian definition. We're going to revisit this again a few weeks down the road of how do you find the right person and also some other more practical wisdom things. to help us with that. Again, we might not have all these thus says the Lord verses, but it's practical wisdom that helps us. So what I'm focusing on this point on is really the big general principle of the method the method. So it's not so much like, oh, find someone that is godly, blah, blah, blah, all that. I think that's assumed. But it's really the process itself, the method itself. And really, I want to break this down into two points, two principles. How to find the right person is, I think, seek wisdom from God, number one, and pray. Seek wisdom and pray is how I would summarize it. In terms of the first point, seeking wisdom, Here are some practical practices. The first one is make sure you're already cultivating your life of fear of the Lord. Cultivate that since fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. If we need wisdom from God, practice that to have practical fear of the Lord. Turn with me real quick to Proverbs 1 verse 7. Could I have Peter, Luke, would you be able to read to me out loud Proverbs 1 verse 7. The fear of the Lord is very unknowledgeable besides wisdom and instruction. The application I want to draw from this is that fearing God entails acknowledging Him and His laws. You can't say, I fear God, but then you live your life like a wreck, like a heathen, total pagan. Then you're nothing more than, you're not fearing God, you fear something else more. So if you really fear God, wisdom will follow, and cultivate your desire to seek God's wisdom. Because I think sometimes in this world, people think, oh, I'm really smart by being selfish and trying to find ways to be selfish. But in God's eyes, no, it's not. You need to put God first and follow God's principle. The side effect is it does bring a blessing. Even if it doesn't bring worldly blessing, even then, you're in the right will of God and there's eternal reward still. So, fear in God entails acknowledging Him and His laws, what He wants. It also involves actively submitting to Him and His laws. It's not just enough to say, oh, I know what He says. But you want to. Not just say, oh, I will obey Him. But you want to obey Him, right? Because you fear Him. You care about His opinion. I think that's the proper way of thinking fear. Listen, have you realized God made us to always love something or someone, and when you love something or someone, if you really truly love something or someone, you also have fear. You fear what they think of you also as well, right? The question is, what do you substitute as your love, as the object of your love, which, if you really love that thing or that person, will actually produce an actual fear for it, right? Let me give you an example. We could have two kinds of fear. For instance, we could have fear of mass, right? If you love man's opinion, do you think you also fear what man thinks of you? Yes, right? You know, for instance, you only care what people think about high schoolers up inside, right? People are so afraid of peer pressure and what people think of them. Oh no, I don't know. I don't really know what to hang out with. I'll hang out with emo crowd. Now I have to be like them. I need to have the same hair, put mascara on my eyebrows or whatever else. So, you know, it's a fear of man, because you love what they think about you. As a result, you think, oh, then the opposite side of the coin is if you love what they think about you, you're also fear, a fear of man also as well. Vice versa is also true. You love God, if you truly love God, you will be fearful of disappointing Him, yes? Because your desire is to actually delight in Him and to please Him. And just to even think about God's disfavor of face towards you is something that, oh no, I don't want that, right? So in the same way also as well, if you have a fear of God, cultivate that. As application, search your heart and ask yourself, do you fear God before anything else? So just not being in a relationship, right? You need to have the fear of God more instead of the fear of man. I think this is important going into the relationship because sometimes you see people stuck in relationship. They know it's not going anywhere, but they're afraid of telling that guy, you know, for our sisters. They could be afraid of telling that guy, no, this is not what it is going for. By the way, I think in actual reality, God has wired women in such a way that if it's difficult for the girl to say no to the relationship, it's not going to work. That's why I think God actually has fathers. in a natural realm, in God's natural design of things, is fathers fulfill the role of when the daughters can't say no to a man, that's where the father steps in and say to the guy, hey, man to man, hey, this isn't going to work out, right? The father bears that, protecting the woman's heart, the daughter's heart also as well. That's where we are with that. I would actually say, if possible, in a relationship, try to make sure you're close to the father. I realize in our context, we are in an Asian context, there's this thing about PAM, right? Sometimes there's also SPAM, right? There's spiritual passive Asian male, right? They're aggressive in everything else, they're successful in business, but spiritually, they're just gone in their children's life, right? Not even involved in everything else. or involvement in the area of relationship. I realize that I would also say it's still possible as one who's trying to be the suitor for someone's daughter, if possible try to develop that relationship. Don't just say, oh he's just past it, he doesn't talk to me. A try, I would also say is a godly thing to try. Even in the other extreme too, sometimes there's that manly man of a father and you're not that kind of like, you know, like you're not a marble man, kind of manly man, you know, kind of thing. I would still say try to even build that bridge because that's the other intimidation factor that you say, oh, I'm not going to because this guy's just too, I can't handle him. He's like Andrew Jackson, right? I just can't handle it, right? I think it's still good to still try to build that bridge because it is, I think, not just only say it's your father's responsibility. I would say what pleases the Lord is if we will go actively You want to know the Father from there also as well. But there must be wisdom, because I think we live in such a messed up world. Most fathers don't know what is their Biblical responsibility toward protecting their daughters, and also to their sons in relationship. I hope even in couples meeting, we'll be going over that, and the audios will be online. That will be the topic I see in probably five, six months down the road, of even what is the Godly responsibility of fathers towards sons and daughters when it comes to the area of courtship, okay? So ask your heart, make sure you fear the Lord before anything else, because if you fear God's opinion more, then you'll have a sanctified apathy of saying, you know what, it might offend this person if I stay in the relationship, but I will, right? I will. I think even just dealing with difficult marriages, even just the last few years as a pastor, sometimes people get married just because of fear of man. They know they shouldn't be married to someone. but this guy scares them and they just can't say no to that person not being married and they get married and it's not like it's going to make things better eventually the fear will leave and eventually one day you'll all come out and a hatred for that man will just pour out and the sad part for me is to see when it's all poured out they're afraid of telling the man directly but they're pouring out to the pastor and pastor's wife, and you think, wow, what I'm hearing, it shouldn't just only be what I hear. The man should know what it is that's the case. So make sure there's a fear of God before a fear of man, especially in that relationship. If you fear God more, and you realize that the relationship will work out, then you call it off. Don't just say, oh, I'm afraid of hurting his feelings. Oh, I'm afraid. What would the people of church think if I'm calling off relationship all the time? It's better to call it off than to go through with it, fear what man thinks, okay? Second way of practically seeking the wisdom from God is read the Word of God, right? Read the Word of God. Listen, there is no substitute. for seeking the wisdom of God without going to Scripture. Anything else apart from that, if you say, oh, the wisdom of God revealed to me, gentleness, I think God does guide us, our hearts oftentimes, but that guidance, we shouldn't trust the subjective feelings of our heart telling us. We should definitely let our conscience and our heart's longing be guided and informed by the Scriptures. Amen? So, let us turn now to Proverbs chapter 2, verse 6 to 19. We're going to grab some principles. We're not going to execute the whole entire verse, but I think Proverbs 2, verses 6-19, there's some general principles here of how it is that we practically seek the wisdom of God. It means we should search through the scriptures. Proverbs 2, verses 6-19. Let's go around each person. I don't know, let's read probably two verses per person, beginning with Jonathan, Josh, Ben, and clockwise. Proverbs 2, verses 6-19. 1. For He guards the course of the just and protects the way of the faithful. 2. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair and you could pass. For wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your tongue. Discretion will watch over you, and understanding will guard you. It will protect you from the wave of evil, from men of perverse speech. It will forsake the paths of darkness, to walk in the waves of darkness. to deliver you from the strange woman from the adultery who flattered with her words. That is compassion For her house sinks down to death, and her tracks lead to the dead. None who go to her return again, nor do they reach the path of life." I just want to make some general observation of this. Beginning with verse 6, it reveals that God has revealed His wisdom. Again, looking at verse 6. For the Lord gives wisdom, from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding." God's wisdom has been revealed and would actually make us understand the true situation as it is. His revealed wisdom will give us discernment concerning life's choices. What Josh read earlier in verse 9, that because you now know what God's word says, that's wisdom. then you will discern, according to verse 9, then you will discern righteous and justice and equity in every good course. I want to call the attention that you will discern, that is, you're practicing discernment and you're practicing the act of judging what is the right thing to do at that moment. Notice here, because of wisdom from God, it leads us, according to the end of verse 9, to every good course, right? To everything that is good and what is wise and which is ultimately what is God's will. Every good course includes one's decision, I would say, of courtship and marriage also as well. So read the Word of God. If it's informing you, then it will guide you to every good course. The reason one can discern, letter C, on page 12, the reason one can discern every good course is because one receives God's revealed wisdom into their hearts, right? It's not enough just to know it, but it's really we need to internalize it into our heart. In scripture, the heart is really the center of our thought, right? I have a question about that, Ben. Go ahead. How do you know that this is what God wants versus what you want? Yeah, I would actually say... Yeah, I would actually say it has to be with the scriptures. It has to come from the scriptures, properly interpreted from a historical, grammatical, literal, syntactical, hermeneutics, right? Proper interpretation of that is really what God's Word says. And then from there, we believe that. Do you want some more things on hermeneutics? Say again. Say again. I would say part of the answer sometimes is God does give us Christian liberty with some things. I'm sure we all hear the story of the people who sometimes are like this. Actually John MacArthur says that when he was in Bible college, or someone like this, where every morning he wakes up and he's tyrannized. Do I wear this socks or the other socks, right? It's like, whoa. There's the area of Christian liberty, right? Whatever socks you wear, if it's that simple, it's Christian liberty. Just wear whatever else it is, and whatever is proper, right? What else ever is proper for the moment, knowing the occasion for that? There is Christian liberty. Oh, do I wear this socks or that? Now, don't go ahead and wear white socks when you're wearing a dress shirt. That's kind of strange too, right? And that shows, A, you're not socially inept to realize you want to dress to even to edify people, right? For the right occasion for that. But other than that, there is Christian liberty. But I would actually say, start small in applying the Word of God to small areas. I do believe this is where it's very important. You will not be able to have wisdom to apply for life's major decisions of who to marry, when to have kids, etc. If you're not even practicing Godly wisdom in the small things, right? He was faithful in the little, we'll be faithful in the small. So I would say, after you start thinking, and I think this is actually should challenge us, when we say we don't know how to apply the Word of God to our situation, then we're really reading our Bible wrong. We're reading our Bible for theology, to argue with other people, or we're reading for the theology to say how much we know. Everything we have, even great theology, incarnation of God, big term, right, which means that Jesus Christ is fully God, that became fully man, that actually has implication, that has application for our lives. The question that most of the time people say, oh, he's all about theology, he's always thinking, but I would actually say he didn't think far enough if he didn't think about how does that apply, right? So I think the long answer has to be that we ought to be practicing even the small things. I would actually even add, too, that it's important to be plugged in in fellowship, in a small group setting, as well with fellowship with one another, so people are always constantly pointing to your life, and vice versa, you are pointing to some other younger Christian's life, saying, always applying the Word of God, right? Every Sunday, Every Thursday should be where you go with the intention of saying, I'm not just only here to be fed, but now that you're fed, is to go to encourage others, right? To encourage others that are my peers, to encourage others that are younger, to also be challenged by those that are older, more spiritually mature than you also as well. So I think that's important with that, okay? I have a question though. Where, I guess like, Part of encouraging is also giving counsel and correcting. Before we even encourage other people or before we do that, what processes should we use in terms of first making sure that we ourselves want to be able to... I think that's really hard. It's really hard for me. I feel it can get kind of hypocritical if we're not willing to watch it faithfully, or consistently applying it faithfully, or we're telling other people to do that. This is my thought. Yeah, I think there is a certain level of... We know from scripture, whenever you are going to remove someone else's speck in their eyes, to remove the log in our own eyes, right? We saw that in scripture a few Sundays ago when we went through Luke 6, which is also in Matthew, right? The Sermon on the Mount. So I think as a general principle, that's why I would encourage, among peers, there is that mutual, like, hey, we are, I'm not like saying I'm better than you, but I think we should never say, I think the goal should always be to change our own lives first also as well. If I could also say also as well, if you don't apply to your own life, you won't be spiritually affected to that because you wouldn't understand what does it look like for others to change. I'm a firm believer, looking at my own life, If I could say a pastoral secret, I'm not a natural counselor. I really am not. I see some of the other guys from Seminary, whoa, they're natural counselors, or supernatural I should say. Like you can see, whoa, they're really, like when you hear them, like whoa, wow, that's, whoa, that's pretty intense. Wow, that actually changed someone's life. I'm more like that with evangelism. I get excited about evangelism. I could always think, oh, someone there. It's almost like martial arts. No matter what it is, you could always think of a way, always going back to the gospel, always a way to debunk and stuff like that. That's who God wired me. I'm a natural evangelist and apologist. But at the same time, I also think, I can't have the excuse, I need to grow. And for me, that's not a curse. I would actually say, as a result, that actually what God, the way He had, I'm not a natural counselor, but as a result of that, I actually think it made me look at my own sin more, of even looking at sin. So when I do confront people, oftentimes I think, when people have problems, I try to read biblical counseling books beforehand. Actually, it's pretty sobering when you read it. Even if you say, oh, you no longer struggle with that, when I go through that, you always think back, oh yeah, I used to struggle with this. Oh yeah, you see the grace of God and you think back, and this is how God's changed you, you know, whatever else. And I think that's important of how it is to grab that. You apply it to your life first, and then you apply it for others, right? I would actually encourage with that. Part of that, too, is sometimes that means patience. Even when people sin, we need to correct our brothers. But at the same time, realize change in people's lives are slow. Sometimes we want to correct people and change them right away because we're just annoyed with them, right? But I think the first thing sometimes is there's a patience, a virtue of even slowly going about rebuking someone. Because you look at your own life, you apply it first, you think through exactly what you're going to say, you evaluate the situation again, then when you go, you go with wisdom. Because sometimes we can be so trigger happy correcting someone. It's really because we're doing it because we're annoyed at seeing that person that way, right? And that shouldn't be driving us. I would actually say it's better to be cautious correcting someone, taking time slowly. But don't use that as an excuse of saying, hey, I'm a fearful man, I'm not correcting them and calling that off. So I think that's what that is always applying at first, okay? One of these days they will go over your biblical view of correcting one another. I think that might be at a time. But for now, let's go through this. So read the word of God as application as we go on. The reason why one could discern is really letter C. The wisdom is entering into our heart. Again, an application of God's word. But apply the small things first. And then one of the consequences of internalizing God's revealed wisdom is, in letter D, it protects a Christian from the wrong person to be in a relationship with. Now notice I'm not actually misapplying Proverbs 2-6-19. If you look at the end of verses 6 to 19, this is actually God's wisdom. He talks all about this. It's really Solomon, I think, who wrote this. He's saying, you have the wisdom of God so that you'll be discerning and avoiding the unfaithful woman, right? Now look at verses 16 and 17, right? It actually is talking about relationship. You guys see that here? Actually, Proverbs often times talk about wisdom and applies that in a situation of romantic interest, yes? Right? It talks about that, yes? Talk to me, yes or no? Right? Proverbs 31 talks to us about what? Come on here, single man. What does Proverbs 31 talk about? An excellent wife, who can't find, right? Yes, in the context there, it's the mother telling her son, hey, when you look for someone to be married, this is what you look for, a quality of a woman here, right? We often remember Proverbs 31, and we look at it and ooh-ga-ga eyes with that, right? But now in Proverbs 7, it's actually in contrast to that. That's the unfaithful woman, right? Proverbs 7 is a contrast, the opposite of verse 31, the adulteress. Now, we see echoes of that earlier, before Proverbs 7, in Proverbs chapter 2, verses 16 and 17, if I could read this again. The wisdom, why do we have all these wisdom? The purpose is stated in verse 16, to deliver you, oh young man, from the strange woman, from the, we talk about strange fire, here's a strange woman here, right? From the adulteress who flatters with her word, that leaves a companion of her youth, and forgets the covenant of her God, It goes on and on about her house. Now, I want to call an observation here. We read this, at least for me, when I read Proverbs 7, I think of a very wicked woman. I think of a prostitute. But if I could say here, the application of this is not the wayward woman that you see walking the streets. The context here actually is, if you look at this, I think this hits a little more closer to home. Notice the description of her in verses 16 to 17. She's an adulteress, right? she leaves the companion in her youth and forgets the covenant of her God. This person here is one who I would say could very likely exist in the church. It's not just some strange heathen woman. Notice in verse 17, she forgets a covenant of her God. That is, in some sense, there's a religious-osity with her. Do you see that? Actually, if you go to Proverbs 7, it develops even further. She talks about, hey, my husband's away for the moment, and I have these offerings to God and everything else. This is not some strange woman. This could very likely be a woman that's within a fellowship of a church here, right? So just so that you don't think, oh, this verse is talking about some stranger who's a non-Christian. This could be someone that could be outwardly, visibly religious, quote-unquote Christian externally. at least culturally here, right? Now, if you have wisdom, it'll protect you from the faithful woman, right? So that you would leave her. Notice the description of this unfaithful woman is described as a strange woman. It's described as an adulteress who flatters her with words. By the way, in every adultery, in every immoral relationship, there's always a lie that's enticing them. It's the lie of saying, hey, you know what? It's better to be disobedient to God and you will receive more satisfaction of being with this person. Or for those that are adulterous, say, hey, this person will bring you much more joy and happiness than your current spouse. There's a lie that is always looked at, and there's a lie with this woman as well. Notice this woman is also described as one who forgets her covenant with God. Now, if you have wisdom, it protects you from one who is unfaithful ahead of time or in a relationship with one who seduces, one who breaks the covenant vow. It also protects one who is ungodly, as described in verses 18 to 19. Because if you will be with one who is ungodly, Verses 18 and 19 reveals that you will actually bring destruction upon yourself. You will bring self-destruction also as well. And God's wisdom protects you from that. Notice the description of the self-destructive characteristics of the ungodly. Verses 18 and 19. Your house sinks down to death, right? her tracks lead to death, her partner will not return again, her partner will not reach the path of life. It is a self-destructive lifestyle. So, in terms of application, are you in God's Word daily, right? And informing you to say, knowing God's Word to apply this, right? Now, you cannot have wisdom if you don't daily go to God's Word. Go to God's Word daily, applying it, so that practically, it will cause you to be discerned. Nobody goes to a woman and have an actual marital affair out of accident. It actually began small, by them not having the Word of God in their life. and no longer guarding them, and as a result of them not applying it, then they therefore are in a relationship that is going to be self-destructive. So make sure you're reading the Word of God, having the Word of God internalized, and read the Word of God in such a way that you're applying it, that it will be the source of motivation for you for godliness, that it will actually itself be the safeguard for you. The application of God's Word is a safeguard to avoid immorality, right? The other part of actually getting God's wisdom in regards to choosing a mate and not choosing an ungodly mate is also ask God for wisdom. This is related to prayer. James chapter 1 verse 5 talks about that. For the sake of time, I'll just read this real quick. James chapter 1 verse 5. But if any one of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives all generously, and without reproach, and it will be given to him." Ask from the wisdom of God, right? Don't ask for just the mere appearance of wisdom for whatever choice you want to make because of your heart's desire. But ask for genuine wisdom from God, and God will grant it. Amen? And also, last but not least, just so that it's not subjective, unsubjective, obtain counsel from godly people, right? From God's people and godly wisdom, right? Look for someone that's godly. Look for someone that's godly And look for this already, in your mind you should already ask yourself the question, is there anyone that you know that's godly, that you could even look up to, that could go for counsel, right? I would encourage you, with the context of the local church, go ahead. Yeah. Yeah, it should be. And just like what even Jonathan shared often is, remember, mentoring relationship is not the responsibility of an older Christian looking for you. Although I would encourage that also as well, but the responsibility of discipleship is you. Also as well is going out there ahead of time, letting people know who you are. I think it's important to realize, seek godly counsel, letting people know your life. A practical way, it's kind of hard sometimes, is we want to work with what God has already established. For instance, small group, church, whatever, visitation that's already going on, the pastor meeting with you once, using that point that was already there, right? So, beware of being wise from your own perspective. Proverbs 12, 15 says, the way of a fool is right in his own eyes, right? If you want to meet someone that thinks they're the wisest person, is talk to a fool, right? They always think everything they are wise. Everything you give counsel, they say, I know already. So you want to make sure that you're not wise in your own eyes. So, seek other counsel. Proverbs 12 verse 15, second half also says, receive other counsel instead. A wise man is one who listens to counsel, right? Listens to counsel, okay? Receive Godly counsel leads to success according to scripture. Proverbs 15 verse 22 says, without consultation plans are frustrated, right? Second half says, but with many counselors they succeed, right? So, seek that. So that's an application If you ask regularly in your life already consult wisdom. Now there's two ways of going about this. There could be one where you're slavishly dependent upon what other people has to say. That's not what I'm going for, right? But even with that, but at the same time we also don't want to avoid the extreme where someone in their life, it's a mystery. Nobody knows what they're going to do until it's already done and it's announced later or someone asks, right? We want to avoid both extremes. By the way, even the goal of seeking counsel from others is not to be slavishly seeing someone giving us advice all the time. The goal is actually to learn. The goal of actually seeking counsel is not to be slavishly dependent upon somebody. The goal is actually to get the wisdom that they have, apply it in their life, So that you'll be your own person with that wisdom that you now have. You're now brighter and more wiser than even that person. I think that's a healthy goal. A healthy goal to say, I want to have this person. So I think that's a healthy thing. Listen, some discipleship relationship is a lifelong friendship for life. True or not, right? That's the type of some we often think. But I also want to encourage, sometimes, some counseling relationships should be, it's not always just to be dependent upon that person. Some is a friendship, but sometimes it also means you get the wisdom from them. And part of that is, okay, now you're no longer dependent on them. Not the goal is just so you can get used to them. But now that you have the wisdom from them, the goal is to now be dependent upon God, not dependent upon others. Listen, I would actually say Dr. Montoya is one example for myself. Go to seminary, I would say he's a big significant player in my life of getting my salvation. Go to seminary, signing up all the discipleship labs with him, every class he has trying to pick his wisdom. But part of life sometimes realize, hey, he's a busy man. Part of life is just moving on, getting his wisdom, realizing he has commitment, getting the best of everything from him, and internalizing that, and moving on so that it's not just I'm only dependent upon him. Of course, some relationship is not like that. It's mutual friendship for life. But realize sometimes part of life is your goal, getting some wisdom and moving on with that, okay? So, a sequel prayer, I think for the sake of time, for the sake of time, I'm going to rush through this real quick, okay? Prayer, ask God directly in your prayer, because Jesus teaches us to ask God, right? Luke chapter 11, verse 9, because He does give Luke 11, 10, okay? Paul also teaches that we can pray for everything, Philippians 4, 6. This includes relationships. For the sake of time, I'm just going through this, okay? Also, make sure in your prayer, one thing I like is actually going before God, also asking God, what is my motive? We're so depraved that sometimes we can do things and we self-deceive ourselves. So search and destroy in a prayerful relationship for wrong motives in what you ask from God. You say, oh, dear God, let me be with this person in our church. She's really hot, blah, blah, blah. Wait, wait, God, am I doing it with the right motive or wrong motive, right? Even in prayer, asking God oftentimes with that, right? People can have ulterior motive in asking for a relationship. For instance, they want a relationship because it distracts them from family problem, right? They want a relationship so they don't think about their problem. If that's actually an escapism, a way of escaping their problem in their life. Or they have idolatry of romance. Or they have idolatry of sex, also as well itself, right? Or because being single would be weird as weird by their peers. So that's some reasons with that. Seek before God. What's the motive for reasons for relationship? Don't just only identify wrong motives, go to God and say, hey, I repent, or even better, sometimes you can't repent, help me, give me a heart to repent even when I can't, right? Go to God so that you won't be anxious, right? As scripture says, be anxious for nothing, because why? Your request is being made known to God, according to Philippians 4, 6, right? It should be the way you can tell whether someone's anxious or not. If they're anxious, it reveals their prayer life. They're not taking this to the Lord. They say, oh no, I pray. I pray for others and everything else. Well, their prayer life is probably very superficial. They're not praying the deep things of God that their hearts absorb. I would actually say there's got to be a question as to how deep their prayer life is if they're anxious, okay? Go to God and you're going to thank God if you're single. Thank God for all souls and all things. even for the season of singleness. And whatever the outcome is, is this the person, yes or no? I want to be interested in, you know, if you're a sister in the Lord, Josemah could tell you, oh, pray God already, thank God, whether or not you open and close the door, I'm going by your will, right? Thank God ahead of time. You don't have to thank God only when you're married, right? Thank God ahead of time with His wisdom. And also thank God also as well with thanksgiving, of even His guidance and sovereignty, right? Go to God for prayer to accept whatever God's will is. It's hard to accept God's will at times. Go and say, A, help me accept your will. Jesus taught us to pray, but he also taught us to pray in Matthew 6, verse 10, second half, that God's will be done on earth as it is in heaven, right? That's the end of the prayer. It's not just only a fortune cookie prayer. It's important that we say, whatever your will is, let this be done. This is true concerning the big things and the small things of God also as well, right? Lastly, also as well as Seth, God's will is with Thanksgiving, like what it said, Philippians 4, 6. So make sure you're praying. If you say you really want a relationship, pray, even now, with the prayer that we said earlier. Is your prayer done according to the things we stated above? Do you also ask God to open and close doors also as well? In all things, are you actually having a relationship with God even as you're a Christian? Because our goal in life is to glorify God. He's most glorified when we're most enjoying Him. In other words, even in the process of seeking a relationship, is an actual act done out of worship. I would say, because when we talk about boyfriend-girlfriend dating, it's very hard for people to give up their sin. For instance, I have to break this off with a non-believer, hard to break this off even with a believer, it doesn't work out. If you're not going in already with a heart of attitudes of worship, very likely your heart, because romance is one of those things, romantic interest is one of those things where there's passion. If your passion for God, for worshiping God, for glorification of God, is not greater than your passion for that individual, very likely when there's something wrong, when someone rebuked you, you're not going to change, no matter how biblical the counselor is, no matter how biblical the pastor is, because your heart is already passionate about something else. So make sure you cultivate the before relationship a heart of worship and going into it a heart of worship that your passion to worship God is greater than your heart of passion for that individual or for the sake of relationship. Let me stop here at this point. Any questions?