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God, I say it's a real joy for
me tonight to welcome to this pulpit our brother Mr. Chris
Killen. Our brother is going to testify.
It's a tremendous testimony to the saving power of the Lord,
how the Lord delivered him from a life of drug abuse. And not
only did the Lord save him, but saving him, our brother had a
desire to serve and to serve the Lord amongst those who are
addicted to drugs. Of course, sometimes we think
about drugs, we just think about tablets, but addiction is much,
much wider than that. Many in our society are addicted
to alcohol and to other things. And the Lord has been using our
brother. He's had many great opportunities
and has spent many, many hours with those whose lives have been
ruined and destroyed. It's a hard ministry. You must
spend hours and days and weeks just dealing with individuals.
And we thank God for our brother and for the way the Lord has
used him. And I would like to thank him tonight for taking
time to be here. And we're looking forward to
hear of what God has done for him in his life. And what God can do for you if
you're not saved tonight. He can change your life and make
your life worth living as well. I want to ask our brother to
come and just to tell what God has done for him. Let me thank
you, Minister, the Rev. Murray, for his very kind and
warm words of welcome. It certainly is a great privilege
to be here with you tonight and to share with you. I never tire
of telling what the Lord Jesus has done for me, the difference
that he has made in my life. Christ makes a difference. He
is a difference. And tonight you'll hear that. I pray that above all that we'll
think this evening of the love, the mercy, the grace of God,
Tonight you'll hear about the long-suffering of God, His patience,
and thank the Lord for His mercy towards sinful men. I want you
to turn, if you have a Bible, please turn to Psalm 107. And here in Psalm 107, we're
just going to read some verses together, just while you're turning
up the portion. I work as a missionary under
our church, just like our brother Robert here. It's good to see
Robert. I work under the board. I work as a missionary to people
who have very chronic and serious addictions, mainly drug addictions.
As your minister said, I spend a lot of time with people who
are at a point where their lives are wrecked, ruined, they're
under the influence of drugs, they're, you know, really in
a mess. And I suppose that for most of
those people that I work with and spend my time with, most
people would think, why would you even bother? I mean, surely
they are beyond reach. Surely there's no hope for them.
Well, tonight, you'll hear of the transformation that took
place in my life, what encourages me to keep going, to persevere
with others, And there are times, I must admit, when I meet a particular
individual, and it just seems, is this really worth the effort? They seem to be so far gone,
and then the Lord reminds me, well, I'm glad that others didn't
give up on me, and I'm glad that the Lord reminds me of that very
fact. And tonight, the Lord Jesus Christ, He is the remedy, He's
the answer. Psalm 107 here, and in the poor...
I'm just going to read here just some verses. I'm going to read...
Let me just see here. from verse 23. So we're breaking into the psalm
here, Psalm 107, reading from verse 103, or Psalm 23, Psalm
107, verse 23. And here there are four pictures
of life without God, and the psalmist here is basically saying
that we are to praise the Lord for His goodness because of a
number of pictures of life. And here we have a picture of
life, and life is depicted as being on the sea of life. and our life is like a vessel.
Let's read from verse 23. They that go down to the sea
in ships, that do business in great waters, these see the works
of the Lord and his wonders in the deep. For he commandeth and
raiseth the stormy wind which lifteth up the waves thereof.
They mount up to the heaven, they go down again to the depths.
Their soul is melted because of trouble. They reel to and
fro and stagger like a drunken man and a rat. their wit's end. Are you at wit's end corner tonight?
Do you know somebody who's at their wit's end? It's a very
common phrase that we use in everyday life. I get so many
calls and I deal with families and especially a mother who's
broken hearted, for instance, over a son taking drugs and abusing
the body. And oftentimes I think of a woman
just lately who said to me very recently, I'm at my wit's end. There are phrases that we use
in everyday life that are direct quotations from God's Word. Someone
being at their wit's end. Tonight I'm going to speak and
tell you how God brought me to my wit's end. You think of the
various expressions that there are, and there are lots of them. Maybe someone hasn't been so
ill, they'll say, I'm as weak as water. A direct quotation
from the book of Ezekiel. It's just like a drop in the
bucket, it's so insignificant. Once again, taken from God's
Word. Can the leopard change its spots? Taken from God's Word. Here, we read about someone coming
to their wit's end. Someone once said to me, I wasn't
long saved. And they said, you only became
a Christian because your life was in a mess and it was chaos.
That's why you turned to God. God brought me to my wit's end. If you're at your wit's end,
let's just read on a little further. Someone at their wit's end, verse
28, then, then when they're at their wit's end, then they cry
unto the Lord in their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their
distresses. He maketh the storm a calm, so
that the waves thereof are still. Then are they glad because they
be quiet, so he bringeth them unto their desired haven. O,
that men would praise the Lord for his goodness and for his
wonderful works to the children of men. Amen. We trust indeed
that the Lord will bless that public reading to all of our
hearts. Let's just bow very briefly momentarily
in prayer, please. Just asking the Lord for peace
and help. Lord, what a wonderful privilege it is to be able to
stand and to tell men and women of Thy great salvation. What a blessing it is to be a
recipient of Thy grace. Lord, tonight I pray that above
all Thy name will be glorified. Make much of Thy Son. We pray, Lord, that Thou will
touch cords within our hearts Thou wilt speak afresh to us,
help us as thy people just to remember the pit from which we
have been dug. Help us, Lord, never, ever to
forget just what the Lord Jesus has done for us and what he means
to us. Lord, we love thee because thou
hast first loved us. Hear and answer our prayer, we
ask in Jesus' name. Amen. I was born and brought
up in Lisbon, that's where I've lived all of my life, well, most
of my life anyway, right from a very young age, being faithfully
sent to Sunday school where I heard God's Word. The more I work in
the area of the field of addiction and people who have very chronic
addictions, the more convinced I am the need to reach children
and to pray for our children's workers or children's work here.
A young life saved is also a life saved from the misery and pain
of sin. I was sent very faithfully to
a Sunday school in Belfast where I first heard the gospel. I later
heard the gospel when I was around about the age of eight, and that
was whenever my mum had been attending a gospel campaign,
and she came home each night after the meetings and to talk
to myself and to my dad. Now, at that stage, my two older
brothers had left home. There's quite an age difference
between us. They had both good jobs, professional jobs. I suppose,
in many respects, my parents expected me just to naturally
follow in their footsteps. My mum and dad were certainly
very good people, but they weren't safe. Now, most people in the
street that I grew up in, Palmer Avenue in Lisbon, would have
thought of my parents as being Christians. After all, they didn't
smoke, drink, swear. They read their Bible, they went
to church, they said their prayers. As the word would put it, they
were good living. But let me say, there's all the difference
in the world between someone who is good living and someone
who is born again of God's Spirit and received. Now, when you're
saved, that always produces good living. But it's not by what
we do or by what we don't do that makes us right with God.
My mum had been attending the meeting and one night she came
back and I could tell she was different. And I want to say
this, thank the Lord for a mother who could pray. Because that
night she was transformed. She got converted. She told my
father and myself how that night she realised that she was a sinner,
that all have sinned and come short of the glory of God, that
although she wasn't living a wild, reckless life, she needed the
Lord and she needed His forgiveness. And my mother began praying for
her family. Do you know the most valuable
thing that you have to give your children as a mother, our grandmother,
is your prayer? And I'm glad that my mother was
able to pray for me. Now, I learnt many things about my mother.
You know, I learnt that she was certainly very... She had a lovely,
soft nature. She was a very sweet woman. I
also learnt that she had a built-in lie detector. You know, most
mothers, they have that. You know, she was able to tell
whenever I was telling fibs, telling lies. Of course, I would
have done that too, wouldn't I? My mum was able to catch me
out. And I suppose, in many respects,
they had really big hopes and dreams for me. He'll make it
in life. I was... I have an older brother
who, at that time, was playing music for the BBC Symphony Orchestra,
so he was very talented musically. And right from a very young age,
I started to play the flute, the concert flute, and I was
really advancing through my grades very quickly at a very young
age. And without a doubt, they thought, well, he's going to
end up in the same sort of profession. But they began to watch as all
their dreams and their hopes, their aspirations, all came tumbling
down. By the age of 11, I'd only changed
schools, I was going to a grammar school in Lisbon, but my whole
attitude had changed, my outlook on life. To me, life was all
about enjoyment. Life's what you make it. My philosophy
was like so many people, eat, drink and be merry. And that's
the way I lived life. Right from that very tender age,
most people would perhaps think, well, didn't your parents try
to restrain you? Didn't they try to change you or help you?
Of course they did. I was just thinking, coming up
in the choir tonight, of a number of instances and how when I didn't
get my own way because of the rebellion, the things that I
did and the shame that I brought to the home, etc. Absolute madness. By 13, 14 years of age, I'd not
only started to smoke, drink, to sniff solvents, but I was
going further and further down that road. Now, the drugs landscape
today is very, very different from when I was in my early teens.
Well, I suppose I think, which it wasn't the way it was today.
But certainly, In those days, there wasn't any ecstasy, there
was no accessibility to the likes of heroin, and I suppose I'm
really glad because, you know, I no doubt would have went down
that road, because I would literally have taken anything that would
make me high, and I mean anything. I'm not going to tell you of
all the crazy notions and the things that I did with some friends,
just looking for life, but looking in the wrong place. Now, can
I say especially to the young people here, your friends are
really important. Your friends will make or break
you. If your friends start smoking,
drinking alcohol, smoking dope, I'm going to tell you for a fact,
you will do the same. You see, we all want to fit in,
and there's that peer pressure. I had a friend who was much older,
I remember him encouraging me to take my first cigarette, then
encouraging me to start drinking. It wasn't long before I was coming
home drunk and life was just spiralling very, very quickly
out of control. Now, I can't blame him. We're
all responsible for our own actions. But do you know that at this
very day, we are all, all of us, are like our friends, the
company we keep. I began to go down a pathway
that was not good. Young person, be really careful
who your friends are. Don't think it's only a cigarette. Don't think to yourself, well,
it's just a sip of beer. You know, it's not going to do
any harm. Many of you know a very good friend of mine who helps
me, a colleague, Ran from Ballymena. Ran, who was an alcoholic. And
just lately, we had a drugs awareness meeting in Ballymena. A young
lady, a woman, attended that meeting, and very tragically
and sadly, she died during the week due to alcoholism, and no
one was terribly upset about it. We need to have the right
company, the right friends. My life really became chaotic. By 15 years of age, I didn't
want to be at home anymore. I was causing so much heartache,
pain, Nothing to be proud of to stand before people and say,
you know what, I broke my mum's heart. I'm ashamed of that. I'm really ashamed. Some of you are breaking your
mum's heart? Young lady? Breaking your daddy's
heart? You'll regret it. I didn't listen. You know, all
I could think about at that time was, why are you keeping on nagging
me? Why are you keeping going on? It was so different when
you were younger now. This is the end thing. Not realising
it all the while, why they kept going on to me was because they
knew the path where I was going down. They knew it was going
to lead to a heartache and to ruin. And it was out of love
that they sought to correct me. Now, isn't this strange? that of all the things that my
dad said to me in my teenage years, and he said a lot, of
all the things that he ever said to me are the things that really
hurt me. And there's a lesson there for
us as fathers and as parents. Be very careful with your words.
The Bible says that death and life are in the power of the
tongue, and we need to speak forth words of life. You know,
my dad, and really, in a sense, I can't blame him for what he
said, but he shouldn't have said it. He used to say things like,
you should never have been born. You're a mistake. I should have
drowned you at birth. They're the things I remember. Don't ever say that to your children.
Don't ever. I broke my mum's heart. Because of the way I was living,
I virtually put her into mental health problems, into psychiatric
care. She was in bits. I left home
at 15, thinking, this is great, I've arrived now, out in the
world, eat, drink and be merry, just live life to the full. Be
my own boss now. Be master of my own destiny.
Nobody telling me what time I'm going to come in. I can do my
own thing. I can drink as much as I want. I can take whatever
drugs." I was soon to find out that sin
is a very heavy task, Master, and sin has
consequences. I went for a time to live in
Belfast, and then from Belfast I went over to live in London.
all the time looking, searching for life. Young person, it's
not in a hand. It's not in some feeling, some
buzz you get from a tablet, some experience you have from a drug. Life is in a person. Life is
in Jesus Christ. That time, my mum even Although
I had wandered far away and it was breaking her heart, she still
loved me. Now, I'm not going to go into
the details, but I can picture times coming
home when my mother couldn't even lift her head and look at
me. And she was so broken that tears
just ran down her cheeks. There were many times she got
a call, had to go to hospital, pick up the pieces. Many times
without, she thought I would be dead and I would die in my
life. When I went to London, I can
even remember a time yet, when my mum sent me £10. That was a lot of money then,
still a lot of money now. Taking it, drinking it. Came home and I was going out
with a young girl. We decided we'd get married and
we were very young. My wife was here, she'd be really
mortified now if I'm going to tell you so many things, but
we looked very similar. She would disagree, of course.
But we looked similar in our style of our appearance. We had
the shaved heads, the braces, the boots, all the things that
go with it, the skinhead culture, the lifestyle. We had all that. And I was just 19 when we got
married. Linda was even younger. The year
after, we had a little girl. When she was born, she was very
ill. At that stage, Samantha was less
than two weeks old. We were still living in my parents'
house with my mum and dad at that time, we hadn't got our
own place. We'd come home from visiting
our little garden hospital. My brother was out that night,
I went into his bedroom and I started to think about life. And all
the thoughts were just swamping my mind. You're a nobody. You're a nothing. There's no
hope for you. You're a disaster. The cause
of everybody's unhappiness. You're the root cause of it.
Why don't you do everybody a big favour and just get out of here?
Leave them in peace. I genuinely believe that. When I was in jail yesterday
visiting with Brian, visiting a man, and he was basically saying
that he didn't like himself and what he had done, and I can tell
you at that time I did not like myself. The thoughts were just bombarding
me. Then the thought came, your child
will die. There's no hope for you. Everything
you touch just falls apart. I took a massive drugs overdose
that night. I determined I'm going to die.
I've had enough. Devils are deceiving. Comes to
steal, to kill and to destroy. I kept on thinking, well, death
has to be better than this. I deceive them. I spend a lot of time working
with people who come to that point. I always take them seriously. People say, well, you know that
person, they've attempted suicide, oh, so many times, they're just
an attention seeker. Is that so? I can give you a
list of people who were like that, and the events that did
take their life. I couldn't see a way out. My mum told me what happened.
She says, we found you lying on the bedroom floor. She said,
there you were, drunk, as we thought. So my father, she says,
your father and myself, we got you, we carried you downstairs.
She says, we were giving it loads. I mean, we were furious. Your
little baby's in hospital, seriously ill. You'd think you would start
to wise up. And she says, see when he gets
sober in the morning, he's going to get it. He led me down the
city not knowing it was virtually damned. Mum woke up in the early
hours. I think she says we're in about
four o'clock in the morning. She turned to my dad and said, I don't know
what it is, but we've got to get him to hospital. I should have died, but God had mercy. That wasn't the only time I should
have died. I lived so close to the edge for far too many years. The ambulance was called. I was
rushed to hospital. It was determined I had a serious overdose. They
called for the family. Didn't expect me to live. O Lord, thou hast brought up
my soul from the grave, thou hast kept me alive, that I should
not go down to the pit of my life's testimony. Psalm 30, verse
3. God kept me alive. Not just on
that occasion, but many other occasions. Linda said she'd come up to the
hospital ward, and there I was, lying in the bed, wired up on
the life support machine, and she said, you know, the whole
bottom just dropped out of her world. She said, you know, her
little baby was so ill, Possibly going to die? Husband going to
die? What was it? The minister, he married us.
He takes you up to the ward one day, and there he was, kneeling
at my bed. In the middle of the ward, just praying for God to
have mercy. God answers prayer. He does the
impossible. You know, if you'd have looked
into my life at that time, you'd have said, why bother? Why try
to help him? After all, he's pressed his self-destruct
button. He's ruining everybody's life
around about him. He's a cause of all the unhappiness in the
home. He brings so much trouble. Why bother? When I came out of the overdose,
I think it was probably about five days or so, I was unconscious.
I was in after a period of release in hospital. Our little girl
was also released. She's now not so little. She's 31 years
of age. But a few months later, I became really ill, very seriously
ill. Life can change in a moment. If you come in the meeting tonight
in the very best of health, never had a day's ill health, and that
can all change in a moment of time. I went through one operation,
two operations, three operations, I stopped counting at 28. And in the three-year period,
I didn't have 28 operations, I had over double that amount.
But you see, in mercy, the Lord was bringing me to a point where
He was going to break me and bring me to that point where
I would come under deep conviction of sin and I would bow the knee
and confess Him as Lord and Savior. In the hospital, the consultant
who performed most of my surgeries was a Christian. The SHO, the
senior house officer, houseman, he was a Christian. Some of the
nurses, they were Christian. Unknown to me, one of the auxiliaries, Beth
McSorey, Beth was praying, she was meeting at lunchtime, break
time with some of the other nurses, and they were praying for me.
For me. I've often thought, why me? I mean, I wasn't a nice person
at that time. I remember, on one occasion, something
happened in the Troubles and a lot of people were injured.
They were brought into the ward. They came into the ward with
me. They actually asked to get immediately transferred out of it because
they were afraid, because of the bitterness. Life was a mess. I completely
answered. I was in hospital, my life changed. 26th of August, 1989. The Friday
night, just the day before, I'd gone through major surgery, an
eight-hour operation just two weeks prior to that. I was ready
for discharge, ready to go home, but on that Friday night, I became
seriously ill very quickly. Basically, just putting it this
way, everything that the surgeons had done had become unstuck,
and I had what's called adhesions, where all your organs then basically
get entangled, and they were shutting down. Pain? Absolutely
excruciating. Surgeon came on a Saturday morning,
he was called in, and I knew the hospital procedure, I knew
it inside out. I knew, as I would put it, they
didn't throw a party for you on a Saturday morning, take you
to a theatre, the surgery, unless you were really very, very ill.
Dr. Gillidan was a consultant. He's
a consultant now over in Newton Orange. He was in the SHO at
that time. He came over to the bed. He said
to me, he said, Chris, we've got to take you to theatre. We've
got to take you right away. We've got to go now. I said to him, I'm really ill,
aren't I? I'm going to die, aren't I? He went away to get theatre prep. In those moments, I began to
think about life. It was mess. When I look forward in life,
it was just blackness. I look forward or backwards,
it was just darkness. In my present circumstances,
I was just surrounded in absolute darkness. He came over to the bed, back
to the... south and he asked me why I was crying because when
he came back I was in a flood of tears. And I said to him,
you know, I've lived my life for the world, for the devil,
but I'm the loser and the fool. I genuinely believed those were
the last moments of my life, I was going to die and go and
meet God, but here's the thing, I wasn't seen. How did I know
that? Because my mother prayed for
me. How did I know it? Because when I was just a little
boy, I learned all the verses and was taught scriptures. The
Lord was bringing them back to me. He told me the greatest,
the most sweetest, beautiful love story you will ever hear.
He told me how God's perfect Son, the spotless Son of God,
left aside the splendour, the majesty of heaven, how He came
to this earth, how He lived a perfect life, did no sin, and He went
to the cross and there He died and He paid the price for sin. Although I was so very physically
ill, I said to him, Robert, you have no idea how far away I am
from God. how far I am from knowing God. You see, I'd come to the place
where I actually believed and was convinced God could not love
me. You might say, well, how did you
come to that place? I remember times, you know, this
is going to sound really right off the chart. I remember one
night in particular, and it wasn't the effect of drugs. One night,
standing, and at that stage, I had the head shaved, there
were tattoos on the head, etc., to get them removed, but I was
standing there, and I had another mirror, and I was trying to find
three sixes. I believed I was Antichrist.
My life was so dark. At that stage, I'd formed a band
called Sinister. Sinister means evil. We only
played satanic rock music. We didn't play heavy rock music,
we played satanic rock music. And here was this man, and he
was standing, telling me, Jesus Christ loved me so much that
he shed his precious blood, his royal blood, and he died for
me. And then that truth dawned on me,
that Jesus loved even me. I hadn't the strength to go to
bed. I just simply bowed my head and my heart and I cried to God
to save me. I can tell you, friends, I did
not know very much about this book, very, very little. But
what I did know was this. I was lost. I was hopeless. And only Jesus Christ could change
me. That was the morning I asked the Lord to save me, to change
me. How do I know it happened? The Bible tells me. For whosoever
shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. How do I
know it happened? I was there when it happened.
How do I know it took place? You go home and you ask my wife.
You ask her, did you get a new husband? She'll affirm yes. And here's the thing, she needed
one. We had very little at that time
when we got married. And what we did have? We pawned, sold, drank, destroyed. We had more of our most valuable
possessions. I was saved some time and it was a carriage clock
and I lifted it up and there was a big dent in the back of
it where I'd have been fired one night in a drunken rage.
The Lord just reminding, do you remember? Do you remember? Do
you see where I've brought you from? After I got out of hospital,
I began to tell everybody about the Lord, my friends, those people
I used to run around with. Three months later, the Lord
saved my wife, then my mother-in-law, father-in-law. He's blessed us
with two other children, blessed us above all measure. called
us to serve, to work for Him, to labour, to make a difference.
That is our prayer. Lord, grant that I will make
a difference in the lives of others because I think of those
who made a difference in my life. I think of a doctor who made
a difference. Why? Because he shared the gospel
with me. I think of a woman who made a
difference. Why? Because she didn't just
serve tea and, you know, tuck me in at night in bed in hospital,
but she loved me and she prayed for me. I had a mother who made
the difference. One of the greatest joys I had
was a number of years ago. My father, 85 years of age, one
week left to live, and I pointed him to Christ. One of the greatest
joys. Many a person has asked, did
your mum ever get to see you save? Yes, she did. She did. And I heard a message one night
really struck a chord with him, really struck a chord. Reverend McRae was preaching,
preaching on the prodigal son, mentioned the fact that there
was no mother there mentioned. Basically what he said was, son, do you
tell your mum you love her now? Because if you don't, don't play
the hypocrite and put flowers on her grave when she's gone.
And ever from that very message, and from that time, early in
my conversion, I always remember buying my mother a bunch of flowers
and just saying, Mom, I'm so sorry for the past, but I want
to tell you now, I love you, and I thank God for you. Cherish your parents, children.
Cherish them. The Lord has blessed us above
all measure. The work that we do with the addicts, the lives
that have been transformed, It's such a blessing to be part of
that ministry and that work. So oftentimes I look at a person
and I see myself. You know, they say the exact
same things that I used to say, I'm no hope, I'm just a junkie,
I'm not changing. You know, you think of what they're
going through and detox and I remember a time when I had to come off
the drugs and once I could see it and break away from that,
etc. But God gave grace, God gave help. What does the Lord Jesus Christ
mean to me? What has He done for me? Everything. Everything. He means everything. He's done
everything. What about you? The Lord brought
me to my wet sand, and He took me, my broken, ruined,
hopeless life, and by His grace transformed me. The book of Hebrews. With this
I close. We have the story of many of
the great heroes of faith, but one of those mentioned is Rahab
the harlot. Rahab the harlot. And she's mentioned
there as a harlot just in case we forgot. And the Lord there
is basically saying when you think of Abraham, and you think
of Moses, and you think of Noah, and these great heroes of the
faith, It's as if the Lord is saying, now just hold on a second.
Let me go here into my treasure bag. Let me go into my treasure
chest, and I'm just going to lift up this person here. And
He brings Rahab's life out, and He sets it up just like a precious
jewel, and He turns it round, and He shows to the world. Now
here is my grace and my power to transform. Look at a woman
who was a harlot. Look at a woman who was deep
down in sin. Here is my power to see Him,
my grace at work in her life. You see, there's none too hard
for the Lord. Don't give up. Maybe you've got a wayward son
or daughter, family member far away from God, and you're wondering,
will they ever be converted? Will they ever be seen? Some of the most Amazing testimonies I've had the privilege
of seeing. I've been with the most unlikely
character. You know the sort of person you
think, well, that life, I know it's far gone and God is able,
but surely, sweet Father, I don't know what's in it. I want to
thank you tonight for giving me the privilege of coming along
to share Please do pray for the people that I work with. Love them. I want to see them
converted for one reason alone. For God's glory. His name will
be lifted up. The people will praise the Lord
for His wonderful work. To the children of man, may the
Lord bless you. Amen.
Testimony Or Mr Chris Killen
| Sermon ID | 422171526551 |
| Duration | 42:37 |
| Date | |
| Category | Testimony |
| Language | English |
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