in 1 Peter again, as one might expect. But before we turn to the scripture and before we get started too far into unpacking these things, let's go ahead and turn again and ask the Lord for his aid as we do this. Father in heaven, Lord, once again, we come before you now to humbly request that you would grant us wisdom. As you have said, you will grant wisdom to those who ask for it. And we come now before you asking for it. As we deal with matters of some of the most important connections and relationships that you've laid out, those between families, those between Christians, one to another, As we discuss how these things play out in our lives, we ask that you grant us wisdom. We ask that you grant us humility. We ask that we be people who are guided by your word, not by external things, and that while we can learn from the wisdom that is shared from all different corners, as to how best to communicate and how best to live with one another, that we remember the authority in our life. The source of wisdom is this scripture in front of us. And we ask that you keep us to walk in that wisdom rather than what is wise in our own eyes. And that we be guided by that in humility and in truth. It's in Christ's name that we pray, amen. All right, everyone, we will once again be in 1 Peter 3. So if you were here last time I spoke on 1 Peter 3, you'll notice that we outlined and we started to sink in to the first part of it. We did have some technical difficulties, just so that you guys can kind of get a framework of what's going on here. And because of that, I did a few things. I want to revisit the passes that we were in. I started doing the thing where I was trying to make up for time by editing my notes on the fly. And while that was good, and I got to talk about some things, as Dan pointed out the other day, talking to me, Peter, you say a lot of, we'll get to this later, and then we don't get to that later. And that's true. That is a hallmark of how I do certain things. So I wanted to come back. and talk about some of these things and sink some more into this concept that we started to open up in these first, excuse me, in these first 12 verses of chapter three to go back and talk about this. wives, husbands, and then again, our family calling one to another. So again, we're going back to 1 Peter 3, one through 12, living as a family, and it's gonna be called to a blessing, and this will be part two. There was only gonna be a part one, but now there's a part two. So you guys get the bonus deleted scenes on this director's cut of this one. That makes it sound more impressive when I say it that way. But you might remember before we get into it, I was just gonna say on one level it's actually fitting that we revisit this and go back into it because the Bible is actually inundated with direct instruction on marriage from cover to cover, starting as early as Genesis chapter two, which you might remember is the very front part of your Bible. It goes through Proverbs, the Gospels, Ephesians, Corinthians, Hebrews, here in Peter, on and on. The Bible is just full of direct, overt instruction on how spouses are to treat each other. on how do they interface with their children, on how the family interfaces with the church, and marriage in that sense. And those are just the overt instructions. Pushing beyond that into things like narrative lessons. We had just last week, Justin spoke on that in Judges. and a discussion of kind of how various roles of people play out and how men and women comport themselves in these kinds of relationships. And even pushing that, we could see others. Moses' wife is a figure who comes into play. There's, excuse me, there's Joe's wife, there's, Esther, the book of Esther has several different narrative lessons you can draw from marriage within it. These themes are completely saturated throughout those things. And then obviously there's even the analogies about marriage, which take this concept again of marriage again even further. as it touches on Christ and the church and unity and love. And these go, again, all the way up through Revelation. We hear this kind of language used. So again, marriage becomes truly a cover-to-cover topic throughout the Bible. And it should lead us to see both how important this topic is, but also how hard it is to consistently walk in the truths about marriage that the Bible puts forward. The Bible doesn't spend nearly as much time on, say, explaining how to avoid murdering people. It generally assumes that you can figure out some of that, and even that it begins to add more layers to, but at the same time, there's a lot less ink spilled over that than marriage. Marriage holds a particular spot of interest for the scripture, and there's several reasons for that. And an initial one that I wanna highlight though, just to kind of before we turn to this text and read through it again, is the tacit acknowledgement throughout scripture, excuse me, that a harmonious and biblically grounded marriage, one which truly honors God, is not a thing which just happens normally. If it were, you wouldn't need so much writing about it. But it's not. It takes deliberate effort, a daily application of wisdom and humility. And even things that run contrary to our natural impulses, again, as we've already seen. We talked a little bit on that last time. However, even in spite of this, it seems as though Christians can often hide their marital struggles, feeling as though they are failures or spiritually deficient for merely having any kind of struggle or difficulty in this area. And they won't seek out counsel and aid from elders, from the church, from other wise married couples in that church. But we just commented and we just saw how the Bible's riddled with these instructions. It's completely through it. It is not as though marriage in the Bible is considered easy. and it is a blessing, we'll move on to that, but it should be noted, this is something that the Bible definitely puts forward as it's gonna be, have its rough spots, and it will require direct, active tending to the marriage, and it's always needed, and as we will see, even as we go on, this is true in seeking help to strengthen your marriage. So, kind of keeping that in mind, let's go ahead and read. I'm gonna read 1 Peter, chapter three, verses one through 12, just again, to give us a little bit of the context in the background, to remember to hear this with humility and fresh ears, that it's something that even somebody who's been married for many years, these are still things that we can struggle with, and still things that work against our nature. So let's read. Starting in verse one. Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won over by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward, arranging of the hair, wearing of gold, or putting on fine apparel. Rather, let it be in the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with an understanding, giving honor to the wife as the weaker vessel. and as being heirs together in the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion one for another, love as brothers. Be tenderhearted and be courteous, not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may also inherit a blessing. For he who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good. Let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayers. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil. Amen. So last time we had covered a few topics, just to review slightly. Marriage, as we saw from this text, directly pulled out of it. Marriage is a man and a woman. Even in the state of potentially unregenerate spouses that Peter's putting forward here, this is still how the Bible defines and describes marriage. Again, we talked about that at length last time. But it goes to show that the scripture recognizes marriage in a very specific way, in a very specific context. That way goes on to another thing that we pointed out last time, that that marriage transcends the faith of the spouses. The principles Peter sets forth are portrayed as true of married believers, such as Sarah and Abraham, mentioned in our text, and for non-believers. He mentions a couple times, both in verses one and seven, of people being won over or redeemed through this, so clearly those spouses are not of faith. So what we see then with those two things, like I said, is a construct for how the Bible defines marriage, even in its broadest sense, and it has a very specific definition, and how the status, the faith status of that spouse and how they act does not have any impact on the teaching that Peter is laying out. We'll go into some practical applications of that later. We also read that marriage is a step in the order that God has instituted. and the nature of the relationship is predicated on his power, his authority, and his character. The same as we read with government, the state, and with masters, that God has called and set this in the particular order that he wants it to be. And as such, from that, we will draw out some practical applications of this next lesson that we had talked about, that marriage is marked by humility and submission to each other because ultimately this relationship and the roles within it flow from God, not from the other individual. Again, this plays into why we talked about it's important that Peter is talking to both people who might be married to regenerate spouses and those who are married to unregenerate spouses. Because the nature of the relationship is not with you and that person on one level, that's practically how it works out and we'll talk about it, but it's a reflection of your relationship with God. Those are some of the major points that we had looked at. And so now we want to take more time, because like I said, last time we had some shuffling around we did and didn't get to talk about all our practicalities, the ways to drill in with some practical grappling with those principles and some other ones, and kind of see how we can pull and open them up. So first, I'm going to give some practical notes. And as I remember, there's five of them. but there might be four, we'll see. Part of that will depend on time. The first practical note is based on the placement of Peter's discussion of marriage roles. And it's the same structure that we see Paul use in Ephesians five and six. Marriage is given a connection with the thematic thread of governments, employers, children, and in the church in general. and how we live together. As such, and this is something for perhaps those who aren't married, be it younger individuals or older individuals who aren't married, to consider, that there is wisdom, because of this, there is wisdom here for the non-married individual. There's a connection. which makes someone, that Peter and Paul both kind of lay out here, there's a connection that basically the things that make someone a good husband or a good wife are in many ways the same attributes which make them a good citizen, a good employee, a good child, a good member of a church. There are many similar attributes. A study like this can help us see how these things apply in the most basic day-to-day living together between two Christian individuals that anyone can start to draw some lessons from. Peter also caps off this section that we just read in verses eight through 12 with a discussion of living with the church, brethren one to another. indicating that these lessons of these previous passages from like 2.11 up to 3.7, that these are the tools needed to speak the blessings to one another that he talks about here. One place we practically see this at work, just as an example, is in the church, is in the qualifications for eldership and deacon. All believers should be able to identify good family structures and good family practices since they are critical to identifying good church leaders. Several times they're listed. So even if you are not a husband, you should know what constitutes a good husband so that you can see how a husband will rule over the church. Because there's a direct line that Paul's gonna make there when he's talking about how the qualifications and the nature of a man constitute into how he's gonna lead things. Excuse me. So I wanna talk on that more later when we begin to talk directly to husbands. But again, that just goes to show a place in which someone who, maybe you are not a husband because you're unmarried, perhaps you're a woman, therefore you are not a husband. But seeing and understanding these characteristics of what constitutes a good husband, would help you know if somebody is seeking, feels called to be an elder, and as you're going through these requirements and qualifications that elders have as put forth in the scripture, you're gonna have to know how to evaluate the ones that are very family-specific and family-oriented, something that you can't do if you don't know what constitutes those things. Kind of in like way, moreover, as we see in verses eight through 12, Peter calls all believers to be of one mind, a literal, you could say, to think the same. This is a call to understanding the dynamics of Christian living described in 2.11 through 3.7. as citizens, as employees, as masters, as husbands, as wives. And part of this is because it is expected, as Peter points out here, that as an active member of a church, you will be able to offer support, encouragement, and counsel to people in those situations. which again requires you to understand the biblical wisdom that attends those things. And since the church is called to help people live in God-honored ways in this, and it includes marriage, it's incumbent that you have an understanding of what the scripture, the standard, has to say about those things, regardless of whether or not you yourself are engaged in that type of relationship. I apologize to Justin, because I said I was going to use a baseball analogy. I know how he feels about that. But one of the things that I, this is, and again, this gets me when people don't necessarily, they feel like it's displaying weakness to seek help from the church when you're struggling with your marriage, or you're struggling with your children. And it's like, oh, that somehow, if I admit that there's a struggle here, that reflects poorly on me. It reflects that you need to grow in sanctification, sure. But that's true of everyone. But what we see here is, I like to point to this example, because I grew up in a baseball family. We all watched, we loved baseball. And during the 90s, which was a great time to be a baseball fan, because steroids, but putting that aside. You had two people who I remember very specifically, because I really, everybody loved Tony Gwynn. I don't know if you guys know who Tony Gwynn was. He's arguably one of the greatest hitters of all time. Definitely one of the greatest hitters of the modern era. And he was playing. He was active during that era. And he was just a funny guy. He was a great person. And then my brother was a Braves fan. He is saved, but he is a Braves fan. And during the 90s, Greg Maddox, right? And Greg Maddox is arguably the greatest pitcher of all time. We don't have to argue that right now, that it sidetracks. But they both played in the National League. So a handful of times a year, you would see Greg Maddox, greatest pitcher of all time, definitely known for his control on the mound. And you would see Tony Gwynn at the plate, right? One of the greatest contact hitters of all time, standing at the plate. And who's behind them? There's an umpire. Why? Does the umpire know how to pitch better than Greg Maddox? No. Clearly not. Or he would be on the mound pitching. Does he know how to bat better than Tony Gwynn? No. These are two of the greatest of all time. But they need someone behind them. who has the standard who can adjudicate. That doesn't lessen the skill of either of the people in play. Greg Maddox doesn't have to admit that he's not that good of a pitcher because he needs a guy calling balls and strikes behind the plate. Tony Gwynn doesn't have to admit that he's a failure of a hitter because he has to have somebody standing there helping the game to go. And that's what the church should be providing. As a member of the church, you need to know these things because these things our knowledge of that strike zone, and you're going to be that umpire. When you are in the moment in a marriage, it can be difficult to see certain things which are patently obvious. And this doesn't just have to do with specific, you know, like, the specific marriage things. It's a case of perspective. The umpire is in a place to see something. Justin and I were talking the other day about something where it's like, you know, you can be in a situation where you know the truth, you've spoken, you've encouraged other people with that very truth. But the thing that's right in front of you as it relates to you can be difficult to see. Because you just don't, it's not how we're wired. God created a church for that reason, to help us do those things. And it's not the only reason he created a church, but it's a big reason why we have the church around us to do that. Again, so that is definitely a way in which this kind of teaching is also relevant even to those who aren't directly involved with it. You're called to encourage and speak blessings to people who fall in situations that are not yours. So you have to learn and you have to grow in those things. So hopefully, that practical application of realizing this is your call, regardless of who or what stage of life you're in, because it's a call that you're involved with, hopefully that can help keep everybody engaged so that you can begin to see these things and see how you can help provide that encouragement and speak that blessing to others. All right, so let's move on to a second practical note kind of flowing from that. On the principle of marriage being instituted, excuse me, in relation to God and his character, not the character of the spouse. Peter's framing of these calls to husbands and wives is applicable to both the regenerate and the unregenerate spouse. And what's critical about that from a practical level for you, married person, is that it leaves no room for yeah, but. Because you don't say yeah, but to God. And that's not part of it. And what I mean by that is, so when Sarah and I were first getting married, we received the book, Love and Respect, by Dr. I wrote down his name, Emerson I think it's Edgar Hitch, somebody who knows could tell me later. That's what I think it is. And I don't, I'm about to say this. We received this as a book. And there's some decent practical advice in that book. I'm not sure the person who gave it to us was actually a Christian. But the book is a Christian biblical book. And I'm about ready to be critical of an aspect of it. Please understand when I say there is good stuff in it if you read that book and it was helpful to you. It was helpful to me too. But it can lead to a certain issue because while there's good practical advice in that book, it's centered around what the author calls the crazy cycle of conflict and the reward cycle of new passion. And it stems from the notion that as a woman respects a man, he becomes more loving, which engenders more respect, et cetera, et cetera. And that's the cycle you need to get on to build your marriage up. And now there's nothing wrong with that on one level, because that actually is a thing that does happen. It's both observable, and it's actually, you see it in scripture, but it's important It's important, as we're reading Peter here, to realize that he phrases it not in terms of this cycle, but rather in terms of God's commands. Because when we turn it to a cycle, it can become a results-oriented thing that creates this yeah, but attitude. So even if it's just in your heart, you begin to think, well, I would submit to my husband. I know I should, yeah, but he's not very loving. Like we need to deal with that. A husband could be like, well, you know, I would love my wife if she just respected me and would open the door for me to be loving. That's thinking about it in kind of, like I said, this end result cycle concept. But Peter keeps the focus not on cycle, but on call, on calling. Wives and husbands cannot shirk their marital roles due to their spouse's actions or inactions. Because the duty, the call, isn't to that person, it is, but it's fundamentally to God, not that individual. So practically, when you begin to feel, in a marriage, day by day, the struggle of a spouse not conforming to a biblical standard, which is a real struggle, and it's one Peter's actually opening up and illuminating right here, but when you feel that, Peter turns you to God, because that's where the call is. and that's where the obedience is. The church, in your own words, in your own actions, as we see in this text, can instruct the spouse and begin to pull that cycle into place, but don't lose sight of the fact that the command that Peter lays out is ultimately to submit to God, who has called you to submit to your husband. It's to love God, who has called you to love your wife. That is the crux of what the relationship is actually built on. Now this cycle, actually in a healthy Christian marriage, should begin and follow in that command. But what's important is to remember that if you become angry within this, or if you become dissatisfied, ultimately you're not becoming dissatisfied and angry with your spouse, according to Peter, you're becoming dissatisfied and angry with the calling that God has given you and the situation that he put you in. Don't be angry at God. That never works well for anyone. Don't be dissatisfied with God. Again, it does not work well. It's not just that it doesn't work well, it's a profoundly unchristian attitude to have. So practically, when you feel those struggles, remember first and foremost, instead of looking at what your spouse is or is not bringing to the table, you should be looking at God. What is God bringing to the table? God brings a lot to the table. He brings the table. So that can help you in many ways. As you start to take these other practical concerns and look into it, is to remember that your first focus is on God. And that's where that call stems from. And that moves us to our third practical note. And this will be directly from the command to wives. I'm going to have some letters under this. I'll have three letters, A, B, and C. So if you're a note taker, there you go. Submission is an active call in this. It's not something that just happens. It doesn't just come naturally. I'm going to flip. all the way back to the beginning of my Bible. In Genesis 3.16, which I will read for us. And this is obviously after the fall. So this is the world in which we live today. Keeping in mind, marriage predates the world in which we live in now. But it's also laid out here again. And to the woman he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception, and in pain you shall bring forth children, and your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. Now why do I point to this? Why did I go here to say it doesn't happen naturally? Submission does not happen naturally. This is the same language that will get used just a chapter later. in 4-7, it's not even a full chapter away, just drop down a few paragraphs and you have an infamous story and God is talking to Cain in 4-7. And he says, I'll start in six. So the Lord said to Cain, why are you angry? And why is your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? Note the grammar and the words that are about to come here. And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. Its desire is for you. And you should rule over it. It's the same kind of wording that gets played out there. And it goes to show that the wife's desire to take authority in this first bit of Genesis in the family, inappropriate authority in the family, is linked directly with language to the same desire of sin over the heart, the same grasp, a natural toxic impulse. Cain is told he has to actively monitor that, to master it, and in the same way, Wives have to actively monitor their hearts in an attempt to do well, as God says to Cain. So, it's one of those areas, again, like I was saying, the reason why scripture talks about it so much, The reason why it is so emphatically referred to so many times is because it doesn't come natural. And here we see, again, even just the act of submitting, which you would think we would already have in our minds from what we've just read, that submission does not come naturally in any context. It doesn't change here. This is a place where you must, again, as a wife, actively seek to do this. It will not just magically happen if you step back. Lethargy might happen if you just actively step back, but that's not good act of submission that has a message that Peter's talking about here. So again, actively move forward. Realize that this is something you have to wake up every day and say, I am going to do this, because it's not just gonna happen. Also note, B, submission is inward, unto God. Verses three and four point to this, as saying, do not let your anointment merely be outward, with the arranging of the hair, the wearing of gold, putting on a fine apparel, but rather, let it be in the hidden places of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of the gentle and quiet spirit. To back The to buck submission isn't just to buck against your husband. It's directly to buck against God. It's what we see right here, to fight back against God. because it happens in this inward part, not just an outward side. We actually see callbacks here to Ephesians that we had looked at the other day where Paul specifically calls out eye service or man-pleasing, which is kind of the first bit of this. Peter here discourages outward expressions as taking precedent over inward ones. He doesn't call it sinful to have some nice clothes or to braid your hair or something like that. That's clearly not his point. His point is rather that there's an eye service, there's a man-pleasing way that is generally what the world looks at when it sees this aesthetic of being submissive and pleasing, as opposed to this inward heart expression, which takes precedent. He focuses on the inward places of the heart, the unseen. This gives the ladies here, the wives, a practical place to start looking if you find yourself not acting in a biblical way in your marriage. We see external factors of what we see, but Peter points to internal problems. The relational issues, on your end, that if you are feeling that you're having trouble with these things, are an expression of an unseen relationship with God. So Peter points to trusting God and submission to him as the opposite of this inward disconnect. So, where do you turn? Where do you turn to practically, then, when you're starting to see outward manifestations of what we now realize is an inward problem? If your problem isn't submitting to your husband, it is, but that's an outward expression of an inward problem that you're not submitting to God. Well, Peter's already told you earlier, and we could go back and read the verse, but he'd say you're not immersed in Scripture. Immerse yourself in Scripture. Immerse yourself in prayer. like practically the best thing you can do for your marriage right there is cultivating those daily habits which increase inward spirituality in yourself. And this is important because my next application here is to realize that the godly spirit helps husbands turn to and walk with the Lord. We see that in verses one and two. Esther, the book of, has actually several examples of wives. Justin had alluded again to some teaching with judges that he was in last week. It's important that ladies, that you take that second, that letter B that we had just talked about, that immersing yourself in scripture and getting the unseen parts correct because your counsel, you have to be immersed in scripture because your counsel and your walk will have a direct effect. It must be holy because it's gonna have a direct effect on how your husband moves. That isn't to shirk leadership, we'll talk about that later. But you can see examples of this, like I said, Esther in there, there's plenty that we could sink into. But I'd like to point out there, two wives actually come up to the forefront in specific Contrast to each other where you have Esther who by her actions and words and her active submission to the king Encourages him to extend grace and mercy in a way that the Bible would require and suggest and that she Helps move him in that direction through her own actions as opposed to Haman's wife who is the one who suggests that he goes out and builds a 70-foot gallows, which Heyman ends up skewered on at the end of it. So the role you play there, don't underestimate it. And it's a weighty responsibility and a weighty role. And it requires, again, that you be immersed in scripture so that you can give the counsel and give the example that Peter shows right here you will do, regardless of whether or not you actively do it. You're either gonna be actively helping him down a positive path of sanctification, or you're gonna be actively pushing him away from it. And again, this goes so far to even as if you are to an unbeliever, you will call him through your action to repentance, hopefully. And it is a possibility. So those are some practical outworkings there for ladies. And again, you can even look at that and see how that are things which characterize roles within the church body. Now, obviously, women submit to their own husbands, not someone else's. That's not my point. Don't take it that way. But it can show you That same character that's gonna make you a good wife who leads her husband in good counsel and who submits and has that positive attitude are the things that make good women in the church who can help the entire body through prayers and counsel. So again, you see Peter tying all of that around. But let's move on real fast to some practical notes from the command to husbands, and this is where I could probably rant for a while, so I'm gonna try to not do that. Again, let's start with an A, a letter A for us. The husband is marked by humility and submission. Likewise, in the beginning of this, denotes the same thread that has been running through verses 2, 11 through 3, 6, to get us to this point in 3, 7. A recognition, it's a recognition that the husband's role is submission to God's order and God's authority. Ephesians 5, 25 famously describes the duty as Christ's love, likens it as Christ's love for the church. If you think about it, Christ put himself under countless different authorities to fulfill this love, and so should a husband. And again, none of that Christ did not cease to be God He did not cease to be the leader the head of the church while he was in submission on earth So that's not to say that we as husbands submit to certain things Isn't to say that there's not a concept of spiritual headship that's still there that is definitely still there But Christ talks about submitting himself to the will of the Father. Christ talks about, which is, we don't need to go into that. He talks about Pilate having authority given over him for a specific time and a specific reason to be able to attain this. So it should be for husbands. You need to be marked by that sense of submission that Peter puts forward here. Maybe that means, that you continue in submission to a boss that you don't particularly care for because you know it's for the good of your wife and family. That's just one practical outwork rather than say, well, I'm just gonna, I'm dissatisfied here, I'm gonna go try something crazy that brings stress into your home that doesn't need to be there. Show humility. So submission, show submission to that godly counsel that's brought forward by your wife that we just talked about. That doesn't mean, again, an abdication of any kind of authority, but it means recognizing where her gifts are and that she's growing as a godly person. If you want a logistical spreadsheet made, You do not come to me, you go to Sarah, my wife. She is gonna be able to do that better than I can. And that is not any kind of abdication of spiritual headship to admit, oh, this is a way that God has gifted a person that he put into my life to help me be able to perform the kinds of ministries and the kinds of things that I want to do, that he's called me to do. So again, there's a humility in the submission that comes with that. And that's, again, that's a practical wisdom that for men, that actually goes across the board. We definitely see it in relationship to your marriage. But you should see it other places as well. I used to tell all my employees when I would hire them, I'd be like, I strive to be the least qualified person at this job, who is the worst at all of it. Because I want people who I know I can trust to turn to. I want to be able to lead us. That requires surrounding myself with people who know what they're doing. So take that same humility and realize that just like that makes you a good leader in the home to realize how to defer from a position of authority, that's a great skill to have anywhere. And again, we see that these practical outworkings as a husband are just good practical outworkings everywhere in your life. So here comes another, this one is, this is one that's really been on my heart that comes straight from the text. Straight from verse seven, we see the role of the husband is marked by daily, consistent dedication. What is the command here, the verb of the command? It is to dwell. John also frequently uses this concept with the word abide. You can feel the constant push behind those words. We tend to, in ourselves, put the emphasis on big moments. But the Bible continually puts the emphasis not on big moments, but on daily moments. Last week, Justin, when he was in judges, we saw that Deborah was marked by daily living in obedience. And that's what enabled her when the big moments came. to act godly within them. Barack was focused on the big moments. And then when the big moments came, he was unprepared and had to have the person who was dedicated day by day living to be like, dude, go, go. You know what you're supposed to do. Go do it. Just go do it. Just go do it. It's a daily thing. Dwelling with your life here is a daily setting of constant, a daily setting of the constant spiritual home, a tone for your family. One practical outworking of that would be, there are people who, you know, and this is gonna be me preaching to the choir here for a second, as you all saw earlier, your kids don't just struggle on Sunday. It always gets me, oh, my kids just don't sit well in church. No. No, that is incorrect. Kids don't act differently in church than they do elsewhere. They don't obey you elsewhere either. I mean, there's some exceptions to that, but that's the general rule that we'd see through scripture. They don't just struggle on Sunday. They struggle on Sunday because you're preparing to get them to church on Sunday morning. That's when your preparation for church is starting. But you should be setting, again, that's the big moment. Church is the big moment. You need to be living every day prepping for that time, prepping for that moment, and setting the tone that you're prepping for that moment. If you've ever had the profound joy and pleasure of being in my house throughout the week, You'll know starting around Wednesday, actually even before that, but I will end my prayers with our family with bring us to your Lord's day. Prepare us now for Sunday. Lord, even now, take our hearts and minds for when we get ready for church. Why? Because my kids need to know every day that I'm thinking about my spiritual walk. than I'm thinking about gathering with the believers, and so they should too. That's setting the tone consistently, so that when Sunday comes, I'm not like, kids, get up, go to church. It's a big important thing that we never talk about, except for right now, and that you have no framework to connect it with. Talk to your kids constantly. Talk to your wife constantly. I said that prayer for, 16 years, well, we've been married 16 years, yeah. But 12 of those were before we had Hans. And I still would pray that way, why? Because it's not just my kids that I'm leading spiritually, I'm leading my wife spiritually as well. And I want her to know, this is what we do. This is the tone that we will have. We're gonna talk about what the sermon was like for half the week, and we're gonna prepare for the next sermon for the next half of the week, if you want calendar days, do it that way. But it should drive you, that constant daily living. And part of this means that not only are you dwelling, not only are you dwelling there, that indicates that you have a real presence. I am someone, If you spend any time with me, here's your confession that goes without saying. I look at my phone a lot. It's a habit. It's what I do. Half the time, I don't even register what's on the screen. I just kind of open it and shut it. But it sends a pretty clear message to everybody, particularly my family, who I'm with. I care about something else more than them. Through my daily action, I am there, but I am not dwelling. I'm not abiding when I do that. So rid yourself of that kind of distraction, to be actively involved. And practically, here's some hard things. If your response to that in your heart was straight away, but I need that for my job, then you don't need that job. Your family, And your role that you're called to, right here by Peter, is more important than any other thing that you think that phone is important for. Or maybe it's reading, you know, there's lots of, I say phones because that's me. Maybe you go to the back room and you fix clocks, I don't know. You know, whatever the thing is that keeps you from dwelling with your family. Push that thing away. By an extension by this, like I said, prepare your family for church, set that spiritual atonement, and be at church with your family. Maybe because this is just so foreign to me, I don't understand. I came here to Lynchburg and there's people here like, well, the husband goes here, the wife goes here, the kids are over here, and I'm like, what, how? How is that a thing? How are you all connected and on the same spiritual page if you're not going to church as a family? that's you setting the tone of leadership, that's you abiding and dwelling with the family, is to be there with your family when they do things like go to church. Now, if you have adult children who don't go to the same church as you, that's not what I'm talking about. It can be what I'm talking about, but as far as, they have a rationality that they have wanted to join with a specific body, and it's a married couple, great, they left you, they're doing something else. But be there with your family that you have authority over, that you have that headship for. And take that church with you, like I said, every day. Recreate it. Not literally, like where we sit down and do that, but remember that you're the one who preaches to your family. This is why This is why the Bible consistently links leadership in the church with how you lead your family, because they're the same thing on a lot of levels. Justin was the one who had asked me that question directly when I was talking with him about eldership here at Grace. And he said, look, the way you lead your family, and again, for those of you, maybe you're not an elder, maybe you're not married, but this is why you need to know these things, that when you look at somebody and he says, I'm considering marriage, and you're like, you don't dwell with your wife. Yeah, you physically are there sometimes, but you don't meet her needs. You don't meet your children's needs. How are you going to meet the needs of the church? The Bible directly connects those things. You should directly connect those things, and you need to be able to see how that happens, that it's about that consistent abiding of that husband in that role. On this note, don't let ministry destroy, which is a different calling, destroy this calling to be a husband. That happens a lot, that happens in scripture. You see men who are so dedicated to their service as prophets, or whatever, that they neglect their children. And that does not end well. It doesn't end well for anybody. We see that a lot now as well. This concept of, I am doing something important, my ministry is important, and so their wife falls to the side. Their children fall to the side. that does not honor the direct command, the calling that God gave you right here. And God doesn't give contradictory callings. If you can't follow the calling of being a husband because you're doing a calling of ministry, the calling of ministry wasn't actually there. You need to be doing this calling that you know applies directly to you. And part of that can come just from our own arrogance. I mentioned to Dan, we were just talking about this, and I was like, you see it a lot where men feel like, but if I don't do X, it won't get done. Because that's a very masculine trait, right? To take ownership and to go and to grab. But remember, God doesn't need you to do X. He told you what he needs you to do. He needs you to abide and dwell in understanding with your wife. And so that's what you need to focus on, that's what you need to do. That takes me to C on this, which as I said, is to submit to those wife's needs, to recognize those in a case like this, to realize that they come first, that they are what you submit to. Christ came and lived an entire life and an entire ministry daily with his followers, which again, practically for husbands, that's what the Bible puts forth as submission in this sense. as headship in the sense to be as Christ. How do you know how Christ lived? Well, you read about it in scripture. So immerse yourself in scripture. Again, that's the common diagnostic to everything. Read more scripture and pray about it as you read through it. So realize that you are called to God's work and God's family. And there's a humility that comes with that. You're not called to your work and your family. I used to tell my employees that the front of the store doesn't say Peters BGR on the front. And in the same way, God, Christ, takes his bride and is conforming her to God's image. Not to his, it is his image because he's God. But there's a pattern that he's conforming it to scripture, to God's image. That is what your family's doing. Your family should not be conforming to your image. You were not called to set up a fiefdom, you were called to lead your family to look more like Christ. And again, that is your direct call. You're not gonna be called to do something that stands in contradiction of that. So those are some practical outworkings of those things. And like I said, I hope that, again, we could go on, we could talk about the blessings that he talks about, but it takes those same principles and it moves them to the church. So I hope that that's something that all of you can look at and walk away with something. Remember that you don't have to walk through this alone. Maybe you've been married for, I don't know who's been married here the longest. We've got some people who've been married a long time sitting around. I've been married for 16 years. I still need people to stand behind me and say, hey, maybe adjust this way. I need the humility to be able to look at them and say, hey, help me adjust. Again, we all need the humility to, rather than have that adjustment come from our own wisdom, for it to come from scripture, as Peter points out. All this is definitely hard, but how did Peter preface the whole thing? Gird up the loins of your mind. That's what he had said. That's not a call for an easy task, that's a call for a hard task. It's a task with a blessing. That was in that eight through 12 that he reiterates. We're called to good things and things that we enjoy. But it definitely takes daily, consistent dedication and humility. All right, join me as we pray. Father in heaven, We thank you, Lord, for the wisdom that you've poured out in your word. We thank you that it is so rich to provide diagnostics of the issues that surround us, that we aren't left to wonder just why things don't feel right in our marriage. Why don't things just go the way we want? You show us where the problems lie. You show us how to fix them. Give us the wisdom and the humility to turn to those answers. That we don't seek to look to the world to understand how we could have a relationship work better that they can't actually begin to fathom the true meaning of. But that we look to you, the author and the authority behind that relationship. That we recognize, as with our submission to the government, our submission to our employers, that our submission one to another, as spouses, as just believers in the church, that these are things which should represent, or that should flow out from our inward submission to you. Let us somberly recognize that these things are reflections, diagnostic tools of our relationship with you. If we do not walk daily in our marriage in biblical ways, show us how that shows the desire of our hearts, that we don't desire you on a daily basis. Remedy that with your spirit in us, Lord. Lord, we pray for throughout the church for the kinds of men and women you mentioned here who were bound, covenanted with believers, or with spouses who are not believers. You are clear of the extra trials that will come from that, but have them rest in the fact that as you said in Peter, this is a calling. Give them hope in that, give them peace in that, even as all the struggles roll around them. Lord, give us the humility and wisdom to take what we've learned today from your scripture and apply it to our lives as we walk through the rest of this week. Lord, help us model Christ and the church, that love and that unity to our children as we model it to each other. Have them see the blessing that this is and the joy that comes from it. It's in Christ's name that we pray, amen.