They were very involved in serving the Lord, and they never gave us boys a reason not to want to serve the Lord. And that's good. But I remember one time, I told my dad, I said, I want to grow my hair long. You know, I want to have nice, long hair. He said, where are you going to live? So that's the joke. I gave to you a piece of paper just so you could look at it. What I'd like you to do, husbands, sit down once the kids are all in the bed and just study through these 33 things. You'll find them to be very helpful. Now it does say young married couples with children, but it could be older married couples with children too. Or it even could be, grandparents, but there's some good things there that I think if you use them, if you learn, teach them, you will find great joy. There's nothing greater than to see that your children walk in truth. There's nothing greater than to know that your grandchildren are interested in spiritual things. My father made a statement to me that really, it's really haunted me a bit. I remember after all of us boys were married, five boys, we all got married, we all married older girls too, and he said, now I won't know how well I did raising you until I see how my grandkids turn out. And boy, that's a sobering thought, isn't it? And I certainly ask the Lord to help me to train my children, right? And then now they're trained, they're gone, they're on their own. I have four grandchildren, two granddaughters, and now I just want to encourage them in the Lord. Once they leave the roost, it's hard sometimes to put your two cents in there. But I love it when they call and say, would you pray about something with us? We've got to make a major decision, and we need your prayers. I'd like to think that all of us, our children, believe that we can get answers to prayer. There's somebody that they can call, that they can trust, will get them what they need. I wanted to mention this younger couple. They'd only been married a few years. The wife, they got up in the morning, and he's getting ready to rush off to work, and she said, honey, do you know what today is? And he goes, yeah, I know what today is. He didn't have a clue. And so on the way to work, he's going, oh man, what's today? Oh, I better pick up some candy, and I better pick up some flowers. And boy, he went and got the flowers, got the candy. And as he's coming home, he's kind of excited now. He's remembered, you know? So he hands his wife the candy and the flowers. And she said, oh, honey, that's the best groundhog day I've ever had. Oh, amen. But anyway, I want you to take your Bibles. If you don't have them, that's fine. But if you do have your Bibles, I would like to take you to the book of Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes. I'm going to go as fast as I can. I know that the time flies by pretty quickly. But I'd like to share something with you right after Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, chapter 4. And there's a verse of scripture there that we want to remember, verse 9. The Bible says two are better than what? Than one. Because they have a good reward for their what? Their labor. Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. Marriage is work. It's work. But I'm gonna tell you something. It's better work than any other work. It's amazing how some couples will put time into their marriage. They'll spend time getting to know each other so they can get the questions right. Amen, amen, amen. And they will work at the labor at having a good marriage. Some give very little time or attention to it. And of course, their marriage suffers. And that's a problem. But the Bible says two are better than one. If both decide we're gonna make our marriage great. Now think about this. You're married. You've got the spouse that God has given to you. And you can have a great marriage or a not so great. It's all what you put into it. And I want to give you God's design on how to protect your marriage. You must protect your marriage. Some people use life lock. How many of you are life lock? Subscribers some of you are yep And you want to try to make sure that someone's watching out over your finances and your cards so that there's no surprises But I want to tell you that there's such a thing as as preparing yourself and being protected So that your marriage is a success My wife and I are 41 years married in August of the 41 years and that's that's because of the Lord Because if I always tried to get my way and she always tried to get her way, we would be constantly fighting. But if both of us say we want God's way, that so simplifies it. If my wife loves the Lord more than she loves me, and I love the Lord more than I love my wife, we are going to have a good marriage. Because we're going to be wanting to please the Lord in every part. of that marriage. I'd like to give you some things here this evening, ways that you can protect your marriage, okay? And I'd like you to write them down on that paper on the back if you can, just one to ten, and just write them in as I give them to you. I'll give them pretty quickly. I do want to mention a couple things on some of them. But I want to give you an illustration before I start those numbers, okay? There's a book called The Holy War. Now that's not marriage. No, that's a Christian's marriage. No, I'm just kidding. No, no, this is a story about, John Bunyan wrote, he wrote Pilgrim's Progress, but he also wrote the book The Holy War, and he illustrates it as a walled city, okay? You could not get in that city over the top. You could not get in underneath. You only could go through the doors, and there were like four or five doors that people could go through. The head of this city, the city was called Mansoul, okay? Right? Mansoul. And the king of that city was El Shaddai. That's God, okay? Now, there was a man that God, that El Shaddai kicked out of Mansoul. His name was Diabolus. And of course, that's the devil, right? But the devil did not leave the outside of that walled city. And what he would do is he would walk around and he would stand by those doors hoping that somebody would open it up so that he could try to break into that city because he wanted to destroy the people that were in that city. And that's an illustration, isn't it, of how the devil would like to destroy marriages. Every one of you here tonight know of a marriage that has been broken or destroyed. And it's so sad that it happened. Even within our own family. My brother Pete was a missionary to France. His wife just said, after 25 years, I've done what you want to do for 25 years. Now I'm going to do what I want to do. And she just split. And she's miserable. But all of their children, their four boys, are all in full-time Christian service. The devil just got in. Now, here's the thing. You have to open the gate. And in that book, he talks about different gates. He talks about the eye gate. Be careful what your eyes see. The ear gate. What are you listening to? The hand gate. And the foot gate. And he's saying you must make sure that you don't allow anything to break into your life that would hurt your marriage. Number one, here we go. First of all, prove that you are saved. Okay? Now some people profess Christ, but they don't possess Christ. There's a difference. Professing Christ means that you're going through the motions to please your spouse. But down deep in your heart, your heart is not interested in God. You must make sure that you're saved. And if you're not saved, you can be saved. And we would encourage you to talk to the pastor. You can talk to me after, or my wife or the pastor's wife. We would love to show you how to be saved and how you can know for sure that you're on your way to heaven. But how do you prove you're saved? There ought to be evidences in your life that reveal that you are a child of God. Do you have an interest in the Bible? Do you have an interest in training your children in the nurturing and the admonition of the Lord? See, a lot of times people want to train their children professionally. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But not at the expense of training them spiritually. Spiritual things ought to be number one. So you prove your salvation by your actions. You love to go to church. You love the preaching of God's word. You love to share your faith with others. You want other families to understand the blessings that you've been able to experience as a Christian family. So you must prove yourselves. The Bible says that he may know that ye have eternal life and that ye may believe on the name of the only begotten Son of God. The Bible says let your light so shine before men family, neighbors, co-workers, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Hey, families are under attack today. And I've known some people that were very proud and arrogant, whose homes were destroyed. And all of a sudden, they wanted to talk to the reverend. They wanted to talk to somebody about spiritual things, because they had come to a brick wall. They came to a place where they knew, I need spiritual help. And I want to tell you something. The greatest thing that you could possess is the spirit of the living God. The one that you can go to with any problem, And as a couple, any problem or crisis or trauma that comes into your marriage, you can get together and you can say, now, Lord, we belong to you, and we're gonna put our trust in you through this trial. And instead of it separating you, sometimes trauma in a marriage separates couples. Really, what should happen when there's trauma that comes into your marriage is it ought to unify you, see? That's what happens when you have proved that you're really a child of God. Number two, the second thing I'd like you to write down is fear God. Fear God with your spouse. Both of you must fear the Lord. If one of you doesn't, then you're gonna allow things into your life that the other would not want to be in your life. The Bible says, for the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his doings. God is keeping records of your life and my life. And He follows us around. He knows where we go. He knows what we think. He knows what we do. He knows what we don't do that we would like to do. So God is very much connected to you and He knows all about you. So why not let Him lead the way? Why not give Him the joy of leading your life? You know, people are either followers or they're leaders. If you're a follower, it's not hard for you to follow the Lord. But if you're a leader, Sometimes we don't like to submit to anything but what we want. And so if you're a leader, you must submit yourself to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Number three, a husband and a wife must pray together. I think it's very important to be in prayer over every area of your marriage. The Bible says pray without ceasing. But there's something about holding your wife's hand and hearing her pray. You want to know what a wife is thinking? Listen to her prayer. You want to know what a husband is thinking? When he prays, you're going to understand what he's thinking. I love to hear my wife pray. I like it when she says to me, She'll reach out and take my hand. I'll never forget one time we broke down in a town. And we were supposed to be at another location. And my van wouldn't start. And the starter had gone out. And I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do. She jumps in the van after she came out of the store. And I said, the van won't start. She reached right out and said, let's pray. Well, I didn't want to pray. I wanted to fix my van. you know, being the leader and all, right? I had it all figured out. We were going to go across the street, run a card, and then have the van taken over to a place where they work on cards, and then we'd come back next week and pick it up. That's how I had it all figured out. She goes, let's pray. And she didn't want to pray, she wanted me to pray. So you can hear me going, thank you, Lord. I'm kind of fudging it, you know, just getting through there as best I could. And then she said, why don't you go into the store and ask the manager if he knows somebody that can fix our van? Honey, it's Saturday afternoon. Go ahead. So I went in there and the manager said, you know, we have a fellow in our church that goes around and fixes people's cars. Let me call him, see if he can help you. Within a half hour, he had pulled out the uh... starter and put the new one in and said no charge reverend, glad I can help you and we're going down the road. And you know my wife never said see, I'm happy now. And you know, and I was like, boy was I, I was kind of like uh, I was like Ralph Crandon, ha, ha, ha, ha. I was like, oh, man, what do you say to your wife after she just proved you absolutely wrong? You got to learn deep, humble violence about, hey, aren't you glad there's somebody smarter than you? And that runs both ways sometimes, doesn't it? But we need that encouragement, and praying together is so important. All right, number four. Stay in the Bible and be faithful at church. Stay in the Bible. Make sure your Bible doesn't sit idle between Sundays. Now some of you may not get to church Wednesday nights, so you only get church on Sundays. You don't get that midweek shot in the arm. Maybe your job keeps you from that or whatever. But your Bible ought to be right where you can grab it. Kind of like the TV clicker. Can I get an amen right there? The computer, the phone. You know, sometimes we live in the phone. The other day I got this phone and now it tells me how much time I spend on it. I said, no, I didn't. What happened? Boy, it's amazing the time we can waste checking our emails for the 14th time in the last 14 minutes. God help us, right? Listen, why don't you tape the clicker to your Bible and put it on the bottom side so that you just know where it's at, amen? And spend time reading the Word. Read the Word to get something from the Lord. and share it with your spouse. This is what the Lord spoke to me about today. Look at this verse. This is so awesome. This way you encourage each other in the Lord. And it'll encourage your spouse to get in the Word more if maybe your spouse isn't as much in the Word as maybe you are. But don't put each other down about that. But show your spouse that, man, I really love the Lord and I want to spend some time in His Word. You know, they say that women are usually more spiritual than men. Can I get an amen, ladies? And then don't let that happen. Don't let them spiritually leave. You leave. And they want you to leave. They want you to talk about spiritual things. They want you to be a part of bringing everyone to church, and being there for the whole service, and getting something out of it, and having those little devotions with the kids, and going in and tucking them in at night, and praying with them. Oh, sometimes I wish I could do that again. But my son won't let me come over, you know what I mean? But I love to kneel with the grandkids and pray with them. It's so exciting. And I just, I enjoy it. And I think it's important because what I have experienced in the things of God, I want them to experience also. So we have to stay in the word. Number five. Are we at number five now? Be careful who and what you spend time with. Be careful who and what you spend time with. The Bible says, blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful, but his delight is in the law of the Lord. You've got to be careful who you hang around. Now you think about where you work and some of the people you work with, and sometimes you may hear terrible things in the course of a day. Don't let that stuff control your mind. You've got to be there to do a job. But you know what? Set an example of being a good Christian. And be careful that you don't spend too much time with people that pull you down. In fact, why don't you pull people up? You know, they say that it's true that Christians are often more influenced to do wrong than they are influenced to do right. You know, if you live in the world all week long, And the only positive forces you get is when you get in the Word or you go to church. How many of you have ever been to church and you go, oh man, I don't want to go tonight, man, I'm so tired. And then you go and you get there and you go, wow, man, I'm glad I made it. That boosted me. I needed that. See, you need to be lifted up. Very important. Because you know what? If you're not lifted up, your children will see it. You can't fool a kid. You can't. They can see when you're inconsistent. They can see when you're lying or doing things that are not right. They're keeping record and they're going to be just like you. One day I had to discipline my son. Boy, he really upset me. I said, go to your room. That means we're going on a whaling expedition, amen? So I tried to cool off a little bit and I went up to give him a good spanking. I got halfway up the stairs and the Holy Spirit said, you're the problem, not your son. And I want to tell you, God broke my heart just like that. By the time I got to the top of the stairs, Josh was like, you know, he's going to get it, you know, for doing wrong. And I went in there and I knelt down. When I was on my knees, we were looking each other square in the eyes. And I said, Josh, I'm sorry for not being the daddy I should be. And I need to be a better dad. And would you forgive me? He goes, Dad, you don't need to cry. And he gave me a big hug. You know what he discovered? He discovered that I need to say I'm sorry sometimes too. Amen. You know, just because we're the dad or the mom, we may be right, but our attitude's wrong. And we need to ask the Lord to really help us not to mistreat the children in the name of God. or to use harshness where we ought to use tenderness. I'm not saying that children don't need to be disciplined. I believe that they do. But we need to do it with the love of the Lord. I never got a spanking from my father about what he prayed with me. Isn't that wonderful? And then he'd say, go eat or do whatever you want to do. But he didn't hold anything against me. Once it was done, it was done. And it's not good to hold things over our children and say, well, I remember, Well, that's supposed to be forgiven and forgotten. Amen? If we can't forgive those we love when God has forgiven us, something's wrong. Oh, may God help us in that area to make sure that we're very careful there. Number six. Number six. I know it's here somewhere. Guard your reactions. Guard your reactions. There have been times my wife has said something to me and I bark back at her. How many of you have done that? Don't raise your hands. Have you ever said something and you suddenly go, why did I say that? That was dumb. It was true, but it was dumb. Here's the key. When your wife or your husband says something to you that kind of ticks you off, the Bible says a soft answer turneth away wrath. Sometimes it's better not even to answer. The Bible says you don't answer a fool according to their folly, right? Not that your wife's a fool or your husband's a fool, but good point. Sometimes it's better not to say anything, amen? And say, you know what, Lord, I'm not gonna react. React? Your reaction can be worse than what was said to you. I've misunderstood my wife sometimes. She wasn't saying it to hurt me. She was saying it to help me. But what she said hurt because it was true. I needed to straighten out. I needed to do better. So why would I get mad at a person that's going to help me? You know, the fastest way to tell that is that how come we treat people we don't really even love better than we treat our own family? Something's wrong when we're that way. It's because some things we have to do, like I remember, it was funny, my wife, this is nuts, when I was pastor, right? You know, if somebody said pastor, boy, I, I woke right up, and I knew it was a member of the church, and I needed to talk to them. And so my wife would say, hey, Dan. And I wouldn't even pay attention to her, you know? She'd say, pastor, oh, what do you want? Carl, remember that. We ought to believe our best friend ought to be the one that was willing to give up her life to be part of my life. And I think that is a huge honor. And we always over-appreciate the sacrifices that the other made to become our partner and to help us in the work of the Lord. So we must really ask the Lord to help us to not react in a wrong way. A soft answer, remember that, turneth away wrath. There have been a few times my wife has said something to me, And I wasn't paying attention. She just grabbed my fat cheeks like this. She grabbed my face and she goes, you're not listening to me. And then she had my undivided attention. Or just stand in front of the TV. Same principle. Get that attention. Make sure that you keep that attention. And guard your reactions. Number seven. We're almost there. Cast down every bad imagination immediately. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10.5, casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalted itself against the knowledge of God and bringing to captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. There are some things that we ought not to be thinking about. They say, there's nothing wrong with a bird landing on your head, but if he builds a nest, you have a problem. Now, when it comes to the imaginations, we have to be careful what we think about. and we need to get rid of anything that we're thinking about that would in any way hinder or hurt our marriage. Sometimes past things that are in the past that God forgave you of, He buried them in the depths of the deepest sea never to be remembered anymore. Don't dig them up. Cast them down, get rid of them, and then get your mind fixed on the Lord. I wanna tell you, here's the big battle right here. It's between this and this. If this is not under God's control, this won't be. Do you agree? If your heart's right, your head will be right. And we must ask the Lord to help us. And if something sets you off and you want to do something you know you shouldn't do, say, hold up, I can't do that anymore because I know better. Him that knoweth to do good and doeth it not, to him it is said. So we need to cast down those imaginations and those things that come about and seek to hurt our lives. Number nine, eight, give attention and appreciation to your spouse. And I kind of talked about that already. It's so important to give attention. Ask them, is everything okay? Is there anything I can do to help you? Did you have a good day? I think it's important for us to realize, it's like the guy that came home and he walked in and didn't smell food, so he's like, where's the meal, you know? I ain't been here all day. Did you get the meal done yet? And then, of course, we have a reaction. Bombs away, you know? What am I supposed to do, take care of you all the time? Hold it. No, there's bad reactions on both parts, isn't there? What should we have done? Can I help you finish getting supper ready? Can I go pick up my socks and put them in the hamper? Do you have anything on that honey-do list? Do you have anything on that honey-do list you want me to take care of real quick? You believe in the honey-do list? Some guys believe in it because they've never got it done yet. So you've got to work at that, eh, man? But this is important, that we really strive to give the right kind of attention. I was just kidding around about having a funeral. I remember one time, every time I had a funeral, they'd say, take all these flowers to the church, so I could have a couple for my wife. One of the men in the church said, boy, that's a dead giveaway. So I can't be doing that. Don't be robbing cemeteries. Take that. but go out and buy some flowers for heaven's sake. That'll make her happy, right? May God help us. Where am I, number nine? Are we at nine now? Maintain exciting intimacy. All men said amen. The Bible says live joyfully with the wife whom thou hast, thou lovest all the days of thy life. which he hath given thee under the sun. Amen. It's so important. Marriage is honorable in all, from the dead and defiled, but whoremongers God will judge. Let thy fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. God gave you one wife. He gave you one husband. There needs to be intimacy. There needs to be that love and affection. Why? Because our nature can run wild. It's first begins in the mind. That's why we take care of each other. You don't defraud your spouse. You take care of each other. Maintaining an exciting intimacy, God honors and blesses, and it's important. Number 10, get counsel before it's too late. Get counsel before it's too late. You know, sometimes when things aren't going well, we don't want counsel. And that's a tool of the devil right there. Well, we've come this far in our own direction. Maybe I don't really love you. There's all kinds of crazy things that people say and think when things aren't good. I would say if you two counsel each other on a daily basis and encourage each other on a daily basis Stay in the Word on a daily basis. That's what's going to happen. You're going to counsel each other to victory. Amen? I know sometimes there are a lot of things that you may need some professional counseling for, but I believe a lot of it is staying in church, staying in this book, staying on your knees in prayer. Amen? There's nothing wrong with having a family conference. Now this will kill you right here. You get with the kids and you say, how, you're not going to believe this when I say this, are you all sitting down? You get together, you get all the kids together and you say, is there any way that mom and dad could be better parents? You might be shocked what you hear. Wow, you're not going to yell at us anymore? You're going to give us everything we want? No. Children need to feel like that family is happy. My dad used to come into the house. He worked nights 11 to 7. Then he taught in the Christian school 8 till 2. Then he came home and slept till 10. Mom gave him supper and he went off to work. That was his schedule. So they had very little time together. So my dad would come in, and mom would be cooking at the stove, and he'd come up behind her, and he'd get his arms around her, and then he'd blow on her neck, you know, like that. And that's the place you go, ugh, that's disgusting. And then he'd kiss her, and she'd go, David, please. And we used to get a separate kick out of it, because we thought, you know, mom and dad, they got it going, man. They're happily married. There is nothing that satisfies a child more than to know that mom and dad are tight. I couldn't even get them apart. Amen. Because kids will try to squeeze in there and pit mom against dad. Oh, yeah. If dad won't give me what I want, then I'll go to mom and get it. Well, I'd go to mom and say, mom, could I have this? And she'd say, what did your father say? And I wanted to say, I've got an after launch tomorrow. I'm asking you. She said, go ask your dad. And so I say, he's not going to let me do it. I say, dad, could I do this? He says, what would your mother say? She said, come to you. You can't do it. Or you can do it. You couldn't separate them. And you know, I appreciated that because I never had to wonder. How can I divide them? Because I know they were undivided. And that's important. The children shouldn't be, there shouldn't be anarchy in the home. A husband should be able to lead and a wife should be able to submit. I'm sure there were times when my father was disciplining us, my mother was like, okay, that's enough. But she never said it. And you know what? When my dad would pray with us, it was enough. When he got done praying, then he'd say, Daniel, you pray. And I'm crying. And I would pray. And then everything was wonderful. That's the way the Lord works. God will judge our sin, but he always forgives. And that's a beautiful thing. Amen? Amen. Let's come together for a moment in prayer. I want you to just take a moment. Take your wipes in the end. both of you just to pray together for a moment. Just pray and have the wife go first and then the husband close out the prayer. And let's just take a few moments to do that, okay? Make it short, but make it significant. Okay. th th Okay. Our Heavenly Father, we're so grateful for this opportunity to pray together. What a thrill it is to know that these couples can be an example to their children, to the church people, where they work, their family, their extended family. Oh God, we pray, Lord, that you would help all of them to be the best Christian they could possibly be. Give them victory over any trial they're going through. Any problem, Lord, You're bigger than our problems. You can solve our problems. And let's not let little problems become big problems. I pray, Lord, that You would help all of us to be able to say before the Lord that we've got a good marriage. We have a great Savior. We have a pastor that loves us and cares about us and his dear wife. We're thankful for Bible Baptist Church. We're thankful for its standing. We're thankful that we can bring our kids here and know that they're going to receive the Word of God. God, I pray that You would raise up many more families just like this. May You give great victory to Bible Baptist Church people. I pray that more would join and more would be saved or that they would reap a tremendous harvest in these days when it seems like it's so difficult. You can solve any problem, and we know that with you all things are possible. I pray that you'd help us. In Jesus' name, amen. I'd like to mention one more thing. You know how we make the statement, man, I'm just hanging in there. You ever hear that phrase? Yeah. How about we use that phrase? Well, I'm hanging in there.