Please take your Bibles and turn to 1 Peter chapter 3. 1 Peter chapter 3. We are back in our subject of communication to the glory of God. I realize it's been a little choppy with the schedule. We've had a couple weeks on and then we're off again, and I think I have two in a row. I was trying to think through this afternoon. I think I have two in a row, and then we have another little break, but that's okay. We'll just keep plugging along, and hopefully you can try to remember as we go through some of the things we're working through. we're kind of in the section of learning how to resolve conflict, and we've been walking through just these ideas of peacemaking, and they all start with the letter G, and we started out with glorify God, and then we moved toward get the log out of your own eye, and just that perspective before anything really can be accomplished is an open, honest heart about what's going on in the situation, and specifically the conflict. And then we move towards that idea of gently restoring and speaking to other people about the conflict and really trying to even sometimes confront in a loving way and how to do that in a way that really pleases the Lord and is profitable. So that's kind of where we finish the last time we were together in this series. And this evening I wanna work towards that fourth perspective and that's go and be reconciled. And what an appropriate song as we move into this subject, because we're gonna talk about forgiveness tonight. And forgiveness is a hard subject, because there's pain all around us, and we all experience pain, and so many times, we have the option to really let go. really give that pain and hurt over to the Lord and let God work in our lives and then move us towards forgiveness. But a lot of times we take the other perspective and we hold on to the hurt and we hold on to the pain and we end up getting really bitter about the situation and towards other people. And so we wanna make sure that we understand that we need to finish the process of conflict resolution many times with our own hearts. And so Lord willing, we'll start the idea of forgiveness tonight and then finish it next week. But as we look at this idea of go and be reconciled, I wanna anchor it in the idea that reconciliation is actually possible. We can have peace with other people. And that's only possible because of the gospel. because the gospel frees us to really understand that we're sinners, separated from a holy God, and God reconciled us. He accomplished what we could not accomplish, and so we can actually have peace with God, and because we have peace with God, we can actually live in peace with other people. So true reconciliation, where you have a conflict, it gets ugly, maybe it stays ugly for a while, and you try to get past it and work through things from a biblical perspective, you really can get over it. But that's not in and of yourself. It's solely through the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I want us to make sure we understand that the hope we have in conflict, because sometimes whether it's married couples or in family situations, co-workers, whatever the relationship is that is estranged because of the conflict, so many times in the middle of it, it seems hopeless. And we wanna just remind ourselves that if we have enjoyed and experienced the gospel, reconciliation is possible. And so there's great hope in the midst of a world of conflict. But we have to first and foremost understand it's only possible because the gospel allows us to be in harmony with our God. And so look at, if you would, in 1 Peter 3 in verse 18, It says, for Christ also died for sins once for all, the just, that was Jesus, he was the just one, for the unjust, that would be us, so that he might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit. So we know that the gospel and the work of Jesus Christ accomplishes what we could not accomplish in and of ourselves. It gives us the ability to have peace with God. We were the unjust ones. God is the just one. And in the work of Christ, he brings us from where we are, and he reconciles us to God who is perfect and holy. And so he creates peace between God and our sinful hearts. We have the work of the Spirit. In Ezekiel it tells us, I will give you a new heart and I will put in you a new spirit. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. I will put my spirit in you. and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. And so in the gospel, what happens is we're given a new heart. The Holy Spirit comes to live inside of us and so we can live at peace with God because we are now inclined to Him and He has made us new. At the same time, through the gospel, we understand that the forgiveness of sins comes through the covenant, the blood of the covenant that God has made. And so we have hope that in Romans chapter 4, it tells us that we're actually credited with righteousness. So not only are we and God is just and he makes us alive and he gives us a new heart, but he also takes Christ's righteousness and credits us with Christ's righteousness, which is something we completely don't deserve, where we can, even on a Sunday afternoon, early evening in 2018, acknowledge the fact that when God sees us, if this has happened in our lives, that God sees us as righteous. And that's not because we're good people. We are not good people, and we need to constantly remember that. Christ's righteousness has been given to us, and so we have peace with our God tonight, not because of anything that we have done, but because of everything that Christ has done for us. So he has given us righteousness. Scripture tells us that he's adopted us into his family, and so there's this resolution that has taken place where we came into this world running away from God, rebelling against who he is and his laws, and he brought us back, he gave us a new heart, he gives us righteousness, and he said, you know what, you're now my child, you're part of my family. This whole process of the gospel is actually pretty mind-blowing. Sometimes we cheapen it with our thoughts about the gospel, but really what has happened through the work of Christ and what is afforded to us is absolutely amazing, that we can tonight have peace with our creator in spite of who we are, that he actually has reconciled us and we're okay. And sometimes we like to think it's because of who we are or what we've done, but it has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with the good news of Jesus Christ, is that he accomplished it all. One more passage, if you would look in Romans chapter five. Romans chapter five. Again, that's where we wanna anchor this whole idea of peace with others, is that it flows out of the peace we have with our God. Romans chapter five and verses one and two. It says, therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God, right? Through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we exalt in hope of the glory of God. We have peace with our God tonight through Jesus Christ. And that should be wonderful, encouraging news to you tonight. that you are at rest, you are at peace, you have been reconciled with your creator no matter your sin because of the work of Christ. And it's in this peace that we anchor and understand we can have peace with other people. You say, well, I'm real thankful for the peace I have with my God, and I'm so thankful for my Messiah, and yes, I'm good there, but there's a relationship in my life that there is not peace. Well, let me encourage you that you should be striving for peace in your horizontal relationships because your vertical relationship is at peace and you really can experience it. So much as it depends on you, we are supposed to live at peace with other people. So conflict resolution is possible, but it's only possible through the gospel of Jesus Christ. That's the only way true reconciliation can be accomplished. And so that's the hope that every married couple here tonight has. That's the hope of every worker who experiences conflict in their work situation or in the family situation you find yourself where there's relationships that are strained, whatever the case may be. Maybe you're in college and you have a roommate or someone on campus and there's conflict there and there can be peace. because there is peace with God. So we must understand that as far as some scripture, we have been given peace with God and Jesus enables us to mirror that same peace with other people. So that's what we should be striving for. The same reconciliation that we have experienced with our God, that's the kind of reconciliation we want to have with all of our relationships in our lives, particularly at this point in time. We wanna make sure that we're mirroring that. Look at Romans chapter 15, you're in Romans five, turn to Romans chapter 15 if you would. In verses five and six. Now may the God who gives Perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ, so that with one accord, you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It's interesting to me that he speaks of one voice, that's communication. So we have this privilege and opportunity that God who gives perseverance and encouragement, may He grant you to be of the same mind, that you're actually flowing the same direction. You're in agreement and that we would be in one accord. That's what Paul prays. That's what his desire is for these people. And they would, with one voice, glorify God. It's very similar to the prayer that Jesus prayed in John chapter 17. What did he pray? As he was getting ready to go to the cross, he prayed that they would be one. That there would be reconciliation. That there would be unity. That is the desire that God has for our relationships that we would not live in a situation where there's conflict and unresolved situations and tensions within a relationship. God desires us to mirror our relationship with him and do all that we can to live at peace with one another. Look at another text if you would, Colossians chapter three, Colossians three. 12 through 15. So as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion and kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another, forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord forgave you, So also should you, beyond all these things, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. It is God's will that we strive for reconciliation in our relationships. He wants us to have hearts of compassion, hearts of kindness, hearts that are forgiving one another, so that we can live out this gospel relationship that we have experienced with our creator, we live it out with other people. And the love that we have experienced from a God who is very patient and very forgiving with us, we grant that same love and kindness to other people. Now, it's easy to talk theory. It's easy to look at this truth and say, yes, that's, I understand, that's God's will for my life. I have experienced peace with Him. Therefore, I should be experiencing peace with other people, and I'm gonna strive for that. And then, as my mother-in-law always says, Satan gets his big hairy toes in this situation. That's good theology right there. You know, we have great intentions, and we know what's right, but many times in this situation, then what happens is the evil one will attack our hearts, the hearts of those who we're in conflict with, And we can hope for it, but many, many times it then does not actually end up happening. But it is what God wants for our lives, and so we don't stop trying for it. We really, on a regular basis, seek to be peacemakers. And that's part of, in Luke chapter six, Jesus said, blessed are the peacemakers. So they will inherit the kingdom of God. Those who look like God and were to be imitators of God and put on a heart of love, right? God made peace with us. We are then to be peacemakers with other people. That's His will for our lives. That's what He desires. He wants us to live in unity. And we actually can do this because it tells us in Ephesians that we can put off the old man, which wants to be angry and bitter and really hold on to our hurts. We can put off the old man and put on the new man, which looks like Jesus, kind and gentle and loving and forgiving. We can put on the new self and really reveal the heart that God has given to us and live out the gospel. But again, it's easy to talk about, very, very difficult to actually live. So most of the time, as far as the peace is concerned in your heart towards other people, it really comes down to forgiveness. Are you willing to forgive? And one writer said, and this is a quote, it still affects me profoundly to think that the vast majority of people sitting in church Sunday after Sunday, many of whom are sitting at home because they left church disillusioned, have at least a seed if not a forest of unforgiveness in their heart. And many times that's really true. where we can really settle in to situations and relationships in our lives that are estranged, they're not at peace, and we can kind of settle into the fact that, well, that's just how life is, and that's just how it's gonna be, and at the same time, allow resentment and bitterness really be what characterizes our hearts in that particular relationship. And we can just keep going about our day, and then days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months, and you have people who have held on and not forgiven people in their lives, and that could go on for years. You don't have to raise your hand, but is there anyone in your life that you have held on to bitterness towards? And it's been a long time. And we'll go through some questions here in a little bit to help us really evaluate our heart if there's anyone like that. But that's not what God desires for you. That's not what He wants. As He has established peace with you, He wants you to establish peace with other people. And as much as it depends on you, most of the time it's your own heart that you have to deal with. Why? Because we are a generation, and we always have been, starting from Adam, we are a generation of wounded people. And wounded people tend to hurt other people. I have a book called Hurt People, Hurt People. Because that's many times how it goes. When people experience pain and hardship, then they wanna lash out. and hurt other people. I mean, and then it gets to the, it escalates to the point that we see it on a regular basis in the news. You have, most of the time what motivates young people to walk into a school with some sort of a gun and start killing other kids and other people, most of the time it's hurt. At some point they have experienced pain And they've held on to that pain, and it's grown and festered, and it's really captivated their life to the point where that's it, they're gonna go hurt people. Now, hopefully none of you are at that place. If you are, please, please get help. Communicate with someone. And I don't say that lightly, because sometimes things can escalate quickly. and we can make choices in the moment because of our hurt and our anger and our bitterness that we end up looking back and saying, I would have never thought I would have said that, I would have done that. I mean, how many people have made those kinds of mistakes and it's cost them all kinds of things and they thought, oh my goodness, I would have never thought I would have done this. but because of hurt and pain. And you can't just say it's gonna be okay. You can't just wave a wand over someone's heart and say, okay, be done. There's no quick formula. This is hard work to be truly reconciled with other people. It really is a difficult thing. Why? Because you can't push undo. You know, one of the beautiful things about computers is that you can push delete, right? You make a mistake and you push delete. You can't do that in life. There's no undo button. Once you make the choice, once you say it, once you're involved in the conflict, it's out there. Now what are you going to do with it? And many times Christians don't handle it correctly. They hold on to it. And the painful reality is everyone will get hurt. Everyone in this room will get hurt. Jesus said, in this life you will have trouble. In fact, this week, And we don't know what's gonna happen this week, but I guarantee you there will be someone in this room who experiences great hardship this week, and it's gonna be very, very painful. And we sit here on a Sunday early evening, and we don't know who that's gonna be, and you don't know what the Lord has for you. But I guarantee it, if we were to assemble the same group and give everyone an opportunity to speak, there would be someone who would say, you know what, I had no idea last Sunday I was gonna experience this, but this is what happened. Why, because that's the reality of life. Life is hard and there is pain in this life and many times it comes from the people who we care for and we love the most. We will encounter situations that provide really fertile ground for resentment and unforgiveness. And again, we don't know what those are. Maybe you're actually in one right now, and you've come in today, and you've enjoyed being a part of God's people and worship to Him, but you're really, really struggling in a situation, a relationship, in a conflict. You feel it in this very moment, and you know the tension in your heart. You can either forgive the person and seek reconciliation, or you can be holding on to the hurt and really let resentment start to fester in your heart. Some of you here today have held on to situations that happened when you were a young person. and the hurt and the pain came from the people who you were to be able to trust and care for the most and thought that they would care for you the most. Through the years of 20 years of ministry, I've spoken to all kinds of people who have experienced abuse or some kind of really hard, painful experiences at the hands of their parents. And those kinds of things that many times we just figure out a way to cope, and we just deal with it, and we don't necessarily work towards reconciliation. So decades can go by, and you can still, when you hear that person's name, or when you're watching something and it triggers a memory, your heart still cringes. because of how painful that experience was. And so I know that's the reality of a group this size. But God desires us to forgive and move towards reconciliation. So many times, we just settle in and let the bitterness kind of be at peace in our hearts, and we just learn how to cope and deal with life in that relationship. The outcome of our lives, it's not determined by what happens to us, it's most of the time how we respond to what happens to us. So God allows all of these circumstances, and whatever it was for you, He allowed it. And that circumstance doesn't define you, but how you respond to it does define you. And even currently, whatever situation you're finding yourself in where there's conflict and hardship, It's your response to these things that God is concerned about. He wants you to look to him and understand the peace you have with him can be something that you offer and give to other people. There's two ways to respond to hurt, and I mentioned this at the very beginning just briefly, but I wanna kinda just go over it again. We can respond to hurt by really taking the position of a debt collector. where we wanna make the offender pay for what he or she has done. And so, we kind of, in our minds, determine that adequate penalty for when the price has been paid, and we keep the wrongdoer in debtor's prison. And we kind of reserve the right to punish them for whatever they have done to us. And that's a response that does not glorify God. I mean, imagine if that's how God responded to us every time we failed Him. I mean, just think about, in the last week, the amount of times that you have sinned against His holy character, and how you have offended Him, and who He is, and yet, He doesn't put us in, really, a situation where we're in debtor's prison. He actually says, you know what, as far as the east is from the west, that's how far I have removed your sin from you. And he says, you know what, there's no condemnation because you're in my son, because you're in Christ Jesus, there's no condemnation for you. and we can lavish in the mercy and the grace of God. We can enjoy it every morning as we open our Bibles and we think about what the reality of our hearts and what the grace of God means to us and yet not give it out to other people when we do the very same thing to our God. And so God says, nope, there's peace. You've been reconciled. but many times it stops there for us. We don't then grant it to other people. We keep people in hostage, and it's a natural response for sinful humans. This is the tendency of our heart. This is our flesh. This is the reality of it. But there's a better option. We actually could choose to let go of the situation. We read in Colossians 3, we are to bear with one another, forgiving each other. Whoever has a complaint, forgive as the Lord has forgiven you. So whatever the situation is for you that's coming to mind, that you would say, you know what, I need to forgive. and I need to grant the peace that God has granted to me, I need to be reconciled with this person, even if it's just in your own heart, because you can't control the actions of other people, but you can control what your responsibility is and what God's will is for your life, and His will is for you to forgive. And we're gonna get into the idea, can you truly forgive someone who has not acknowledged their, and I know that's a huge debate and has been in Christian circles, but I'm just telling you right now that as I read the Bible, I don't see a lot that says if the other person acknowledges they're wrong and they admit to it, then you can forgive. I read in Colossians 3, we are to forgive one another as the Lord has forgiven us. And I know that's, you know, sometimes people have a hard time with that, but to me, that is just the reality of being a Christian. You cannot, you really dictate, your forgiveness cannot be dictated by what someone else and their actions and what's going on in their heart. It's between you and God as he has made peace with you and you are reconciled with him, you can extend grace and love and peace to other people. And instead of holding them in debtor's prison and collect that debt, whatever we feel like that is inappropriate, we can actually choose to let it go as the Lord has chosen to let our sin go. And that's something we can do. When you choose to keep someone hostage and not forgive them, it only makes the situation worse. It makes the situation worse in your own heart and the relationship. It doesn't do anything for the relationship. Now you can learn to cope and manage and kind of operate in life. I understand that. But that doesn't mean there's actually truly reconciliation and it doesn't mean you're glorifying God in your relationships. He truly wants us to be reconciled. How do you know if you've forgiven your offender? Well, here's just some ways to evaluate. I often replay in my mind the incident that hurt me. Do you find yourself rehearsing the event or the incident or the words? Do you rehearse that over and over? And if you do, then you probably have not really gone through the full process of forgiveness. When I think of the particular person or the situation, I still feel angry. So something comes, triggers it, and I don't know what it may be. Maybe it's Facebook. You know, and there's all kinds of relationships through this social media platform, and you can see things that are happening, and you see an image, or you see something that's happening in someone's life, and in your heart, you cringe when you see it. and you still feel angry, perhaps that's a way to evaluate. I try hard not to think about the person or the event that caused me so much pain. So it's more of an avoidance. It's, you know, I'm just gonna put it out of my mind and that's not gonna solve your problem. I have subtle, secret desires to see the person pay for what he or she did. So you would maybe never articulate them, you would maybe never say them out loud, but inside, you want your offender to pay. And if you see that they do in any way, your heart kind of rejoices in it. We have those secret places, those desires to see the other person hurt because they have hurt us. Deep in my heart, I wouldn't mind if something bad happened to the person. I often find myself telling others how this person hurt me. Maybe a way to evaluate your heart is if you talk about the pain a lot, and not in a way that would say, you know what, you've worked through it, and God's changed you through it, and He's given you peace, and you're then granting it to others. No, it's you've kind of taken up your You're cross in a sense, and you'd like to talk about it. And you don't then use the gospel to help you through it. A lot of my conversations revolve around this situation. When this person's name comes up, I'm more likely to say something negative about him or her. These are just ways to really evaluate if we have pockets of resentment and unforgiveness in our hearts. So just little areas where we have not truly sought reconciliation and peace so much as it depends on us. And some say, well, I don't feel like forgiving. And I've had people in my office tell me that. I just, I don't feel like it. Well that, I understand that, but the Bible never talks about feeling or feelings in regards to forgiveness. Like, if you're waiting to feel like you want to forgive the person, you're probably going to be waiting a long time. Because you probably are going to feel a lot of anger and bitterness at the same point. And that'll always feel better in our flesh. We'll always like to hang on to that. and those feelings because there's something about us that wants justice and vengeance. That's why over and over in Scripture, God says, don't seek revenge. I am the God who will take care of all these things. Stop taking my role. But that's really what we do when we hold someone as a debt collector, when we take that role, we're basically saying, okay, God, I'm gonna handle this situation. And I don't feel like forgiving him, so I'm just gonna kinda, I'm gonna keep that person at bay, and I'm gonna put him out of my mind, or I'm gonna rejoice when I see them hurting. let alone getting to the place, and we'll talk about Lord willing next week, where we go all the way to the other side of the spectrum where it says that we are to bless those who hurt us. Like that's the full spectrum where we can actually pray and pray blessings on a person's life who has hurt us and really caused us great pain. But we're not even, many times in life, we're not even near that side of the spectrum. We're still on the, I've got them in my grips and I'm going to let them go when I feel like letting them go. And my friend, it's just probably not gonna ever happen. The feeling of forgiveness is not something that we should really be waiting for. Now, as we look at this next week, we're gonna, again, we wanna anchor it in God's forgiveness of us. So we'll start there. How is it possible that you can grant peace and reconciliation to someone else? Well, it's again, we want to anchor it in what God has done for us. So we'll look at the scripture along those lines, and then work towards some of the practical applications of what it means to truly forgive people. And I know that there's a variety of opinions on forgiveness, and I'm just giving you mine, and hopefully the part that resembles the scripture you'll hang on to, and the part that doesn't, you know, you'll let that go. But what I do know, as I look at my own heart, and as I have been able to work with people for 20 years in many, many counseling situations, the reality of pain is something we all face, and we all have the opportunity to respond in a way that glorifies God, or in a way that really we feel better about the situation, and we feel better about ourselves, and we just hang on to it, and then relationships really stay at restraint or whatever. Maybe you just cope, but they're really not relationships that glorify God, and that's what we're trying to move towards, right? Communication and relationships that glorify God. And so maybe it's married couples who you have to learn to forgive your spouse. And when we say forgive, like we really mean forgiveness. Let it go. And that's where, I just don't feel like it. Imagine if that's what God, if that's how God interacted with us tonight. I just don't feel like forgiving that child. They're seeking their glory. They've sought their glory all day long. They've robbed me of my glory all day long. So I'm just gonna withhold tonight. God never does that. He's faithful to forgive. He doesn't hold in his heart resentment towards his children. He loves us. He's patient with us. He's forgiving. And so we, of all people, Christians, should be the most forgiving people. But this is an area where a lot of times Christians, they say, you know what? I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. And then they experience the ramifications and the hardship that that heart of stone really, really brings about in the life. And so we want to keep moving towards, as we talk about glorifying God, we want to move toward the end of this peacemaking process, and that's reconciliation so much as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. And that includes you forgiving your offenders. No matter who it is. no matter what they've done, we grant forgiveness because we have been given forgiveness. Let's pray. Father, please help us in these times and days that are hard and painful. There's conflict all around us in the world, and many times there's conflict in our personal relationships and those who are closest to us. Lord, help us to be committed to living out the gospel Thank you that we can anchor this whole conversation in gospel hope, that we looked at passages that told us that you have reconciled us to yourself, and so there can be peace. And your will for our lives is that we then reconcile to other people. And Lord, I pray so much as it depends on us that we would strive to be at peace with everyone. God, do your work of grace, the work that we cannot do in and of ourselves. Lord, please move us along in our sanctification process so that we will truly look like your heart because you're a forgiving, loving God. Lord, if there's those in the room this evening who need help, I pray that they would be intentional, and they would really be willing to speak to someone and really try to deal with these areas. Lord, I pray there won't be any compartments or pockets in our hearts of resentment and bitterness. We want to thrive in our walk with You, and we want to glorify You through the process. So please work for Your glory, we ask in Your name. Amen.