6,000 years with respect to training children. What did they do when we didn't have modern psychology to tell us how to warp and twist our children? Right? We have the blueprint with respect to training children. We want to be on the same page. When it comes to your child, don't you want a pastor that's on the same page with you about pointing that dear child to the dear Savior? Right? We can't have different methods of pointing children to Jesus. We need to have this. I don't need to be an impediment to you. Likewise, you don't need to be an impediment to me when it comes to my children or my grandchildren. And so this is a vitally important topic. Every one of us in here can look around and say, in the church, something's not right. The level of rebellion, the level of apostasy and turning from the true faith to wickedness. And I'm not just talking to wickedness. I'm talking about perversions. that we see with our children. Maybe we ought to step back for a moment and say, what is going on in these churches that are allowing so much rebellion that we didn't see 100 years ago? Every denomination has this problem. Every denomination. It used to be by the time your children got out of secular university, they had turned from the faith. Now it's in high school. So we've abandoned God's wisdom. And when we abandon God's wisdom, what has the fruit been? It hasn't been a beautiful garden. It's just been a filthy weed patch mess. Now, just like everything else we discuss around here, our challenge is not that parenting is a task that's beyond your comprehension. In other words, parenting is not beyond your ability to do it. So what's the problem? Well, the problem is we're not familiar with the blueprint of how to raise our children. Or we adopt techniques, approaches that are contrary to the blueprint. When I say the blueprint, I'm talking about the Word of God. So since the bulk of our study is going to be around the scriptures in this area, let me just ask you some questions challenging in this area. Number one, how well do you know the scriptures? Wouldn't you think being a biblical illiterate is going to be a challenge to raising your children according to the biblical standards? Here's another one. How often do you refer to the scriptures in the course of just normal conversation with your children? Does that come into play? Well, I wish you quit being disruptive because you embarrass daddy. You embarrass mommy and then you negotiate and reason with the child. The Bible doesn't teach that at all. What you need to do is bring the Word of God to bear to say this is a sin before your God and this is why you shouldn't do it. Here's another one. How adept are you at teaching and relating scriptures to your children in your everyday life? Deuteronomy 6, we're familiar with it. When you wake up, when you lie down, when you're eating, when you sleep, all these areas, there's always opportunities to be pointing spiritual principles in the scriptures to your children and imparting that wisdom to them. How about this? How effectively do you use the scriptures to reprove and convict your children of their sins? Right? Think about it this way. Usually when your child misbehaves, if you don't have the scriptures at hand to rebuke them with, to bring true conviction, all you have is your anger. Now let me ask you this. If all you have is your anger to get your child to obey, what are you teaching your child? To fear man and not God. We want them to have the fear of God. A reverence and respect for God. How can you do that when you never bring the word of God to bear in their life? Here's another one. Do you reprove in such a way that will cause your children to revere God's Word or to hate it? Now what do I mean by that? Well, it's one thing for you to sit there and quote the Scriptures to them, but then your life is one hypocrisy to that Scripture. I've met a lot of people over the years that knew a lot of Scriptures and their life was just completely contrary to that. And those that are closest to them, their children, see that hypocrisy and it causes them to hate the Word of God and hate God Himself. Or maybe you were proven in such a way where it's just an outburst of rage. Let me get you to think about this. If you are to be a picture of what a father should be, and God is our Heavenly Father, what kind of picture are you painting to your children? When you just have outbursts of wrath, then they're going to... My goodness, God must be like that. When we talk about the wrath of God, it's not this uncontrollable rage that He just can't control Himself. Remember, the wrath of God is His response to sin. Right? His wrath is a judicial response to sin. When you respond to your child's sin, it needs to be in that light. Not that you're outraged. But that you have this righteous indignation and that this sin is destroying my child and I want to purge this sin away. And so we need to learn how to do that. Here's another one. How consistently do you use the Bible when you correct it? Do you use the Bible at all? How do you use the Bible to train your children in righteousness to help them to see what a better future for them might look like? Remember, what I mean by that is the way of the sinner's heart. They need to see that. They need to understand that when they have sin that is unrepentant of, and sin defines the way they live, they need to understand the consequences of that. Not just temporal, but eternal. I'm going to argue that when we read here in Ephesians 6, you're not able to bring your children up in the admonition, the training, the discipline of the Lord without a continuous use of God's Word. You know what Proverbs 29, 15 says? It's the rot and reproof that give wisdom. So we need to understand that it's our job as parents to know the Scriptures as God intended and to use them, to properly teach them, and then to apply them consistently in front of them. So our desire would be as we go into this study is that we want to understand how God intends for us to raise and instruct our children and by His grace we're going to learn how to take the principles from the scriptures and apply them in such a way that first honors God and then secondly points your child to the God of grace. There's an old Chinese proverb that says, one generation plants the trees, another gets its shade. And so our generation lives in the shade of a lot of trees that were planted by our ancestors. In spiritual terms, we derive shade from our parents and our grandparents, whatever their ethical standard might have been, their perception of what right and wrong was, their sense of moral duty. And most importantly, we live in the shade of their spiritual commitment, our lack of it. You see, the ideas of the generation that went before us determines the kind of culture that we inherit from them. And so now we're left with the consequences. And unfortunately, we've left a mess for our children because our culture has deviated from God's standard. My generation and the generation after me and the generation before me deviated from God's standard of raising children. We brought strange fire to the church to try to raise our children. And we're living in the shade of that. And so this is why we see the spiritual and moral decline in our culture. The family is being destroyed. It's not only being destroyed, it's just being redefined in our day. And so there's really little, if any, true respect in the biblical sense of parents by their kids. And so the question for us is, are we going to continue to sit under the shade of trees that brought about all this destruction and chaos, or are you going to start recultivating? That takes work. If any of you have ever done farming and you've had to recultivate a field that you've let go for years, that's a lot of work. And that's where we are. We've got to put our hands to the plow, so to speak. Why? So that the generations after us can sit under the blessings of God. And finally, the current methods and means that are being practiced within the homes, they're just not working. And we shouldn't expect them to work if we abandon God's means. What we're seeing is children, one after the other, leaving the faith. And they're rebelling and they're rebelling hard. So, before we get into all this, the first thing I want to talk about when it comes to shepherding the souls of our children, you need to understand something of authority. Let's talk about that this morning. Our culture doesn't like authority. And it's not that we don't like to be under authority. Many of us don't want to be the authority. Clearly played out within our homes because we don't have a good understanding of authority and some of this comes maybe from the abuses you saw of authority, but our culture has lost its way with respect to parenting. We see this for example when a parent, you ever seen a parent do this? You see it all the time in Walmart for example, the store, and you see it in churches. You ever see a parent begin to negotiate with their child? When you negotiate with your child, who's the authority? The child becomes the authority. Well, we try to blame the abuses of authority for why we refuse to step up and be parents. But most of our problem is not so much that you got a problem with authority. Your real problem is you're too self-absorbed. In a self-absorbed culture, child training, child shepherding becomes a liability to your comforts, your times, and what you want. Self-centeredness is not just a problem that happens outside this church, but it can even happen here. And self-centeredness causes us to forget and we neglect the reason that God gave us the children in the first place. God gave you these children so that you might train them. But a self-centered person, think about it, when it comes to training a child, that takes time. It takes forethought, it takes planning, and most don't want to give up their own me time. Right? Pastor, you don't understand. I work hard and I need some me time when I get home. Yeah, but you got a soul there. That soul needs you some you time. It needs you to impart wisdom, godly wisdom into that heart and that soul. A self-centered person is always wanting to take the easy way out and neglect their responsibility, particularly in this area. And so here's the thing I want you to challenge yourself. I can't do it for you. I don't know how self-centered you are or not. But in this study, you need to examine yourself about how self-centered you are. And it's self-centeredness is keeping you from submitting to the principle in God's Word to train your child. I'm going to tell you right now, there's nothing I'm going to tell you that is like, wow, I probably need a degree and go to seminary to figure all this out. I'm not going to tell you one thing. It's not going to require seminary. What it's going to require is you to love your child enough to pour into them and give up some of your selfishness and your activities to do this. And a lot of it's going to be just the time it's going to require of you to actually get into God's Word and say, I want to mind this thing for the nuggets. I've got souls under my care. I want to make sure I'm pointing to Christ in light of God's will, not my will. So we need to understand something of authority before we can even begin our teaching here. Take your hymn book out. and go to page 671. Our confession says this on the section there about But look at paragraph 6. The whole counsel of God concerning all things necessary for His own glory, man's salvation, faith in life, is either expressly set down or necessarily contained in the Holy Scriptures unto which nothing at any time is to be added, whether by new revelation of the Spirit or the traditions of men. In this paragraph we see that God calls us to live under authority. And it's interesting. He is our authority, and he's vested authority in people with institutions that he's established. He's instituted the home, the church, the state. Most Christians don't understand the Bible is not only a blueprint for a godly church, but for civil government, for building a godly culture, building your own business, but especially when it comes to building your home. And this is what I find interesting. Most individuals, when it comes to building their home, don't start with the Word of God. And so they build on a foundation of sin, and then they wonder why everything collapses around them. In fact, most Christians are in churches that actually encourage the father and mother to neglect their responsibility before God. How's that? Well, most churches have things set up, structures so that the parents can just pawn their kid off on someone else and do their job for them. Oh, pastor, don't you know these youth programs around here in these churches, You don't even understand how that 22-year-old adolescence who wanted to spend all this time with all these young kids, you don't even know how God used them. Well, God told you to train them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord, not pawn them off on someone else. And let me just say this. If your desire is to get away from your children, don't think that's going to have consequences in the future. If your whole life revolves around, I've got to figure out how to pawn my kids off on someone else to do my job, it won't be long before those kids are looking for someone else. I mean, think about this. Every one of you have kids, and by the time they're one to five years old, think about it, when dad comes through the door, I mean, they are beaming, they're lighting up, and they are just so excited about dad coming through the door. Now, if dad, day after day, for five or six years, does everything he can to pawn them off on somebody else, and don't want to be bothered with them, then sooner or later, those kids, usually when they get into elementary school, start finding acceptance with somebody who will just accept them. want to spend time with them, because you're not. Okay? And so that leads them to surround themselves with bad company, typically. Well, you need to understand that you don't want to be in a place, a church, any other institution that takes and encourages you to rebel against God in this area. So, one of the things, you know, doing several counseling sessions for marriages and things like that, this is an important thing. It's not just arbitrary, you know, you get to make this choice, well, it's up to me what I want to do with my kids. The Bible says it's pretty clear what you need to be doing with your kids. Right? You're to train them. You're to teach them the things of God. And so don't forget this. Don't forget this. We have an authority. God's Word is clear. Turn to 2 Peter 1. So if you're to train them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord, then where are you, what is the source of this? What is the source of this fear, this admonition, this training? Where are you going to go? What is the foundation that you're going to use? In 2 Peter 1 verse 2, grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord as His divine power has given us all things that pertain notice to life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue. Where do we have the knowledge of God? In the scriptures. In this verse, Peter reminds us that God, through His Word, brings all things that pertain to life and godliness. Why would you withhold that from your child? And why would you gamble that whoever you're turning your child over to is going to do this for them? In Ephesians 6, go back to that. You train up your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. And we'll exposit this text later on in our study. But notice the command here in Ephesians 6-4. To bring your children up in the discipline, the training, and the admonition of the Lord. This tells me that the scriptures are sufficient for the task of training our children. For thousands of years, we've been doing this. Christian parents have been using the scriptures to train their children up. So here's the thing. God has given us His church, has given us as the church, the body of Christ, all the resources we need to raise our children. So here's the question. When we see such rebellion out there with respect to children, what's the problem? Is the problem with the Word of God? Or is the problem with fallen creatures who refuse to utilize what God has provided? God has given you the Word of God. It's the most powerful weapon that you have to train that child. Don't neglect it. Go to 2 Timothy. 2 Timothy 3. You're familiar with this, but there's something here I want you to see. The scriptures are given and it does four things for us. 2 Timothy 3 verse 16, all scripture is given by inspiration of God and notice this, it is profitable for what? for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness. Why? That the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. Great passage of scripture that teaches us the benefit of the scriptures. And so the question for you now is this. Do you believe what Paul says about the scriptures? Do you believe this verse? I mean, do you really believe that God has given you everything within the pages of the Bible, the resources that you need, resources that are adequate for dealing with every contingency you face in this life? and especially dealing with your children. I mean, that's what it says. Now, God's word is sufficient when it comes to changing people into the image of Christ. When we look at 2 Timothy, the first thing we see is that scriptures are what? Profitable? What does that mean? It means it's useful. In other words, it's not a liability. It's profitable for something. Within this text we see the four uses of the scriptures. Did you know this is why we have the scriptures? It's profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, and for instruction in righteousness. That seems to me like that's what your children need. Your children need every bit of this. And so since the scriptures have been given for these distinct purposes, then you and I have to become proficient in all four of these purposes. So, here's the thing. The process of biblical child training involves using all four of these activities. And think about this, training your children is not just a responsibility, but it's a skill. And all skills need to be developed. And as you develop this skill, keep in mind that in order to produce spiritual maturity in your child, you're going to have to be patient. You're going to have to allow time for that to take place. So think about it this way. Just as it's going to take time, if you've been negligent in this area, it's going to take time for you to develop these skills as a parent. Remember, it's going to take time for your child to develop these skills as well. If you've just been letting them do whatever they want, and you haven't been training them this way, don't expect like it's going to happen instantaneously and you get frustrated and quit. They need to be trained in righteousness. And you need to develop the skills to train them in righteousness. Let me say this. Have you ever just, you know, your kids cause you to just lose your biscuits and you just go nuts on them? Why was that? More than likely it's because you didn't know how to respond in the situation. You didn't have at your disposal wisdom from God to impart to them. So all you had was your anger and your wrath. Your frustration being taken out on them. You understand the necessity of knowing the Word of God because when you have the Word of God, you spot that sin within a person. Like, think about it this way. Pastor, apparently your kids must have been in some anomaly where you didn't lose it. Well, think about this. When I'm dealing with discipline cases in the church, do I lose my biscuits in here? No, because I see the sin and I know where the Word of God speaks to that sin and I bring the only thing I can bring to them which is the Word of God to deal with that sin. Well, that didn't happen overnight. And I recognize that the moment I give them the Word of God, they may not immediately repent. So I need to know what to do at that point with the Word of God. Right? I'm not going to let them exasperate me. I'm not going to let them cause me to sin in the process of training and disciplining them. Likewise, you as a parent need to learn this skill. And if you ever find yourself about to lose it, stop, pull yourself back for a moment, and say, there's a sin going on here and I need the word of God, I don't know where to go. Then pick up the phone. Right? Get yourself together, get the wisdom of God under your arm, so to speak, and then go back and deal with the sin. Right? But your sin is not going to deal with their sin. And so the reason why you lose your cool is because you didn't know what to do in the situation. You didn't have the Word of God at your disposal. Just be humble and recognize that you need help in this area and ask for help. Alright. You need to develop this skill. They need to develop these skills as well. And if you've been negligent in this area, just remember, God gave you the Word of God to convict, to teach, to correct, and instruct. And you know what? Another reason why you aren't good at this is that you don't want to give up the time. That's going to take time on your part. Now here's the thing. When you train your children this way, you're imparting to them wisdom that they can then take to their children. So let's think about it. Your children are going to have children one day, more than likely. And they're going to have children that are going to rebel against them. Now how are they going to respond? I remember how my dad used to take me to the Word of God. And I always found that to be a comfort. I always found it to be a blessing. I always found that that always brought me back. Or, the other side, the way my daddy raised me is he just lost his cool and just exploded on me. Well, which one are you going to be? Are you going to be the kind of daddy or mom that provokes your children to wrath? Or are you going to be the kind of mom and daddy that trains your children up in the fear and admonition of the Lord? Alright? The Bible tells you clearly that this word is given to teach, convict, correct, and instruct. So use it. Learn to use it. One writer said this way, there is no pill you can give them, talking about your children, no school you can send them to, no waffle dust you can sprinkle over them that will quickly transform their rebellious little hearts into obedient ones and bring them to maturity. Maturity takes time. And I think this is what most people do when they go down to the local Christian bookstore or to the local secular bookstore. I just need a self-help book on raising children. I'm looking for a quick fix to a spiritual problem. We have the fix. It's called the Word of God. Now this is important for each of us to get. The Holy Spirit is the agent who sanctifies. So how does he sanctify? It's through His Word. Your child cannot change in ways that are pleasing to God separate from the Word of God. In Ephesians 6, turn over there. In Ephesians 6. Pick up in verse 13. Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace. Above all, taking the shield of faith, which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one, and take the helmet of salvation. Notice this, "...and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying always, with all prayer and supplication, and the Spirit being watchful to this end, with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints. And for me, that the utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel." The Holy Spirit has given you and me the most effective weapon, which is the sword of the Spirit, and He's given this. One of the ways we use it is to see a change take place within the souls of our children. Turn to Hebrews 4. Hebrews 4.12 says, For the word of God is living and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit and the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of thoughts and intents of the heart. You see, it's the word of God that has the ability to open up an individual and even pierce the hardest of hearts. And so my point here is that if you're not going to bring the word of God to bear in the lives of your children, then you've already lost the battle. I mean, you are ill-equipped for the fight that is in front of you. The easiest way for you to cooperate with the Spirit of God is to get in the Word of God and bring that Word of God to bear on the heart of that child. One writer said it this way, I've met a number of Christians who believe they can grow in grace apart from the regular continuous time in the Word. things such as Bible reading, study, memorization, meditation, active listening to the Bible, preaching and teaching. But he goes on to say, at the risk of overstating my argument, let me say it this way. It doesn't matter how much time you spend in prayer or fasting, in fellowship with other Christians, in ministering or witnessing to others, if you're not spending time in God's Word, or to be more accurate, if God's Word is not richly dwelling within you, you are, for all intents and purposes, handcuffing the Holy Spirit. Oh, he says, It's not that he's unable to work if you don't cooperate, it's that he's not promised to work apart from the Scriptures. Don't withhold the Scriptures from your child. If you desire to see your child saved, if you desire to see your child to grow in righteousness and be sanctified, it will not happen separate from the Word of God. So, you must invest time to bring the Word of God to bear in their lives and train them in the Scriptures. Remember, the Spirit's fruit does not grow overnight, but it develops. as you nourish that soul with the Word of God. Your responsibility is to impress deeply upon the heart of your children the Holy Scriptures that are able to make them wise. Wise about what? Well, things of salvation through Jesus Christ. Later in our study, I'll give you some things to think about, about tools that we have to teach and train your children. But for now, as we go through this study, what we're assuming here is that God's Word is sufficient and it's authoritative. You've got to stop and think about this. Either you believe this or you don't. And if you don't, then the rest of the studies don't really matter to you anyway. You know, you're going to be the proverbial fool who takes the hammer and just keeps hitting himself in the head and wonder why my children are so rebellious. Well, let's take the hammer out of your hand first and let's put something else in it. Let's put a sword in it. Let's bring the Word of God and get that in you so that you can do that and put it in your children. Think about this. One of the Early Reformers said this, children should be taught early the important truths of God's Word. So, I've brought this up before but I'll say it again just in case you didn't get it the last time and maybe you need to write this down. When should you start the child training? When should you start reading the scriptures to your children? The moment they're born. They should never know a time where the Word of God has been withheld from them. When should you start training your children to sit and hear the Word of God? The moment they're born. They should know from the moment they're born that when we open the word of God it's time to be quiet, show reverence and respect and sit still. Right? You want to punish a child? Let them do whatever they want, six days a week, then try to make them sit still for one hour in here today. They're not going to know how to do it. Because you never trained them. This is not where they should be trained. They should be trained at the home. They should know, oh the word of God, men are praying, people are singing. This shouldn't be something foreign and odd to them because they only see it once a week. It should just be something that's done regularly. But they need to be taught, the writer goes on to say, they should be taught early that there is a God. that he is a being of infinite power and wisdom, knowledge and goodness, justice, mercy and truth, one God in three persons, that he is to be loved with all the heart and obeyed in all things with the most dutiful respect, that his law is holy, just and good, that all mankind are by nature sinners and are exposed to everlasting destruction, that God has freely given His own Son to die for sinners and to bring to everlasting righteousness for their justification, that everyone ought to immediately repent and embrace the Savior, that all the unconverted reject the mercy of God and will continue to reject it to the eternal ruin, and that all who are thus renewed and made alive to God will be pardoned and sanctified and finally received to honor, glory, and immortality. These and other gospel truths connected with these should be taught to our children with diligence and faithfulness. They are truths which concern their eternal salvation. Nor are we to say that children cannot understand them. For it has been found by pleasing experience that if proper means are used, children will early get so much knowledge of divine truth as to be the greatest benefit to them all in their future lives." Now that was written back in 1811. Think about this. When I hand out catechism questions that Christians a hundred and something years ago used to read with their children, most adults look at this and are like, I don't even understand what half these words mean. That's because you weren't trained. That's because you got coloring pictures if you went to church as a child. That's because somebody did a puppet show with you. Christians used to train. I mean, when you look at the kids' catechism questions, it's kind of baffling how we've just neglected our children and what previous Christians used to teach their children. And so we think they can't comprehend these truths. Well that's what you've been indoctrinated to think. But when you read the confessions and the catechism questions that were given to train children at a young age and what they wrote, it appears to me that at least children back then could comprehend quite a bit. Now that we understand something that we're under the authority of God's word, next we need to understand that God has called you and me to be authorities. So write this down. As parents, you're called to be an authority. As parents, we are to exercise authority as God's agents. This means we're not to direct our children for our own agendas or our own convenience. Rather, we are to direct our children on God's behalf for their good. And so when we talk about children being under our authority, the purpose is not for us to hold them under our power, but rather to empower them to be self-controlled individuals who live freely under the authority of God. Now I'm going to say that again because I don't think most of y'all understood what I just said. The purpose is not for you and me to hold them under our power, but to empower them to be self-controlled individuals who live freely under the authority of God. So if all you do is physically discipline that child, right? But you don't shepherd their heart. All you've done is they're going to stay there, they're going to have a hard rebellion because you never dealt with it. You externally discipline them to conform them into whatever behaviors you want. As a father, I can make my children behave in a certain way until a certain age. through external coercion and external force. Right? But what happens if I don't deal with that heart? The moment they come out from that authority, what do they do? They rebel and they're going to rebel hard. Because you never went after their heart. And so we need to understand we are authorities as under God's authority. And so when you think about Christ, I want you to think about the creator of the universe. Jesus Christ, the possessor of all authority. What did he become? a servant. He came not to be served, he said, but to serve and give his life a ransom. He's our great example. Now he is exalted. We are to serve him. But remember, to his sheep, he's a kind, sovereign master. Remember, what did he tell you and me? His yoke is easy. This means we're to submit to him. We're to submit to him as a kind master. So as his people, we're to submit to his authority, and we have been empowered to live freely in the freedom of the gospel. Now as parents, we must learn to take that concept and pass it to our children. We must learn to exercise authority. You must require obedience of your children because they're called by God to honor and obey you. You must exercise authority, not as a cruel taskmaster, but as one that truly loves them. Do you see the difference? I like the words of one. Parents who are benevolent despots do not usually find their children racing to leave home. Children rarely run from a home where their needs are met, who would want to walk out on a relationship in which he feels loved and respected. What child would run from someone who understands him, understands God and his ways, understands the world and how it works and is committed to helping them be successful? Does your child see you as such a person? They're there to come along beside me to help me be successful in front of God. Alright? So when it comes to this, you are called to be an authority as God's agent. And when we talk about a parent's relationship to the child, I think the best description is that of a shepherd. And as a shepherd, you're responsible to protect the child, to provide for the child, to guide and instruct them as you lead them through life, but you're preparing them for the future. The shepherding process guides the child not just in the what of the duty, but the why. And so this is a different kind of relationship than just dictating what the child can do and think. Ultimately, that will lead to rebellion. And they're going to look to get out from under your authority. But what shepherding does is it requires you to invest your life in your child's life. And the idea here is that your child is gaining godly wisdom through the parent-child relationship. Turn to Proverbs 13. Proverbs 13, look at verse 20. He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed. And so what we need to understand is that our children are going to gain wisdom. The question is, where are they going to get the wisdom and what kind of wisdom are they going to get? And here's the thing, if you're absent, if you're not actively or proactively imparting godly wisdom into your children, then something else will take its place. And so as a wise parent, your goal is not to just simply discuss godly precepts with your children, but you need to live them out in front of them. Show them how to apply godly wisdom. Tripp said it this way. Parenting is shepherding the hearts of your children in the ways of God's wisdom. And so what he's getting at when he says that, is it's not just enough to direct the external behaviors of your child, but the attitudes of the heart. You don't just show them the what of their sin and their failure, right? That's easy to do. You just sinned. You just failed. Now get in your room. I'm going to isolate you for four hours. Aren't you glad God doesn't do that to you? Aren't you glad that God doesn't isolate you with some time out? But He disciplines you because He loves you because He wants to restore the relationship. You don't just show them the what of their sin and their failure, you show them the why. Our children need to understand why they sin. The Bible tells us why. And also, it's not just why they sin, but how God works within them. So they don't have to remain slaves of sin. Most parents don't want to tell their children that. Most parents don't want to tell their children, you know you're a sinner. You're a slave to that sin. And here's the only way you can be brought out from under the bondage and tyranny of that sin. Yeah, but I don't want to hurt their self-esteem, Pastor. What self-esteem? They're worms. They're dust. The only value in them is what God gives them. And so we need to understand that when we see that sin and we discipline it and tell them you failed, we need to help them understand why they failed and what's the remedy for that failure. Do you understand the importance of the Word of God now? So what we need to understand is that each time we give them unbiblical counsel with respect to dealing with sin, you know what you're doing? You're driving them away from God. You're driving them away from Christ. Think about it. When you bring unbiblical methods to disciplining your child, you are driving them from Christ. It's only when you bring biblical methods that you drive them to Christ. Let me give you an example. What's the typical response if someone's bullying a child? What's the typical advice given to the child? Either ignore the bully or hit them first. You ever get that kind of advice to your children? Now let me just say this. Your child, particularly young boys, need to be taught how to take care of themselves and to protect sisters, protect their moms, protect those that are weaker than them. I'm not saying they have to be the punching bag. But if all your advice is to deal with the bullies, to hit them first, you know it takes no grace to do that? I mean, that's just a reaction of the flesh. What we need to be training our children is how to deal with someone else's sin. You see, when you Teach principles like do good to those who oppress you. Pray for those who mistreat you. It helps the child understand kingdom principles. It forces the child to look to Christ for example. I mean, wasn't Christ bullied? How did you respond to those who snatched his beard out? That beat him. That crucified him. You see, it takes no grace for Jesus to turn around and just knock them all out. But to pray for them, to not return evil for evil, that takes grace. What are we training our children with? And so when we train them with worldly principles, we shouldn't be surprised when they look, have appetites for the world, rather than the things of God's kingdom. You see, when you teach them to look to Christ as an example for how to live, that's contrary to the standards and dictates of this world, you know what it does? It forces your child to see the sinfulness of his own character, and what will that do? Lord, really it drives them to Christ for the transforming power of the gospel. You see, when I tell my boys what you do with the bullies, you hit them first, how does that take them to Christ? Doesn't take much spiritual power to just hit somebody first, does it? But to say, you know what, you need to pray for that one. Yeah, but daddy, I don't want to pray for him, he's a bully. That'll force them to Christ. Keep in mind, to love your enemies is a command. And when we put commands of God in front of our children, What is your intent to put them there? Well, to bring obedience for sure, but just to drive them to Christ. You see, to tell your kid to just hit the other kid first doesn't require grace, but to love your enemy, to look for ways to be a blessing does. So here's the thing, parents. God has called you to be an authority. You're an authority. You should be an authority over your children. And so the question for each of us is whether we intend to look to God's blueprint for how to structure our homes and raise our children, are you going to look for another standard? I get it. Other ways are easier. Don't require as much time. You can ignore them, right? You can be their buddy. You know, you can just whack them a couple of times to quit embarrassing you in public, but none of them change the heart. Only the Word of God will. When it comes to delighting in the Word of God, think about this. If you just stop delighting in the Word of God because you think there's something better than the Word of God, then you're one step away from denying the Word of God. Did you get that? If you're not delighting in the Word of God, Because when you stop denying the Word of God, because you think there's something better than the Word of God. And many in the church think there's something better than God's Word when it comes to raising children. And what does that lead to? Many of them denying the Word of God. Because it doesn't just stop in this area. It just starts expanding in all kinds of areas. Think about this. Matthew Henry said this. You must read the Scriptures to your families. And then he goes on to say, I hope none of you without Bibles in your houses thanks be to God that we have them cheap and common in a language we can understand. There was a time when they didn't have it. He reminds his readers back in his day when the potpourri reigned in this land, English Bibles were scarce things. A load of hay, it is said, was once given for one torn leaf of a Bible. But now Bibles are everyone's money. It is better to be without bread in your houses than without Bibles. For the Word of God, they come from His mouth. They should be more precious to you than food. But what will it avail to you to have Bibles in your houses but you don't use them? To have the great things of God's law and gospel written to you, if you count them a strange thing, let me therefore with all earnestness press upon you to make the solemn reading of the scriptures a part of your daily worship and your families." You know, there's a lot of talk about the Puritans, even to this day, and the influence that they had on culture and society. You ever wonder why? Well, it wasn't that they just knew the Word of God, and when you read the writings of the Puritans, they definitely knew the Word of God. But you know why they changed culture? Because they actually believed the Word of God had applied it. Without compromise and to many of their detriment. They were willing to lose property, their lives, rather than compromise on the Word of God. They would rather lose everything than to not train their children. The Puritans wrote so much about family worship and training children. And they impacted culture. So here's the thing. If you didn't get anything I just said, write this down so you don't forget it. hang it over your wall, put it on the front list of your eyes, you're in charge. You're God's delegated authority over your children. And so the question now becomes what is the source and the standard you're going to use to raise and train those children? Now remember the confusion over authority because our culture doesn't like authority and we need to understand this because many of us have been influenced by our culture. Not only do we not like authority but we don't want to be in authority. And that's going to be a real problem in the home because God says, actually you're rebelling against God when you refuse to be the authority in your house. And so when it comes to the authority over your child, see if you can answer these questions. What is the nature of the parent's authority over a child? Is it absolute or relative? And does that matter? Is the authority vested in the parent because you're bigger than them, you're smarter than them, you're more experienced than them? Maybe you like to deceive yourself, well I'm just not as sinful as they are, so that's why I'm in charge. Or do we have the right to tell our kids to do anything we want them to do? You see, how you answer these questions determines the tone and atmosphere in your home with respect to authority. And so if you can't answer these questions, you're going to be very confused about the source of authority and how you execute authority in your own home. If you're unsure about the nature and the extent of your authority, then understand this, your children will suffer greatly. They will never learn the absolutes. They will never learn the principles of God's Word. And the problem we have in our culture, and even we may be guilty of this, is that if you don't understand these principles, what do you do? Like, if you don't understand the principles of authority and how to manage within your home, what do you do when you don't know how to do something? You improvise. You start making stuff up. And when you improvise, you just begin to deviate from God's means of raising children. And so when this happens, when you begin to improvise in your home, what should you expect to happen? Let me ask that question again. When you improvise in your home and you deviate from God's word when it comes to raising your children, what should you expect to happen in your home? You should expect the heart of your child to be driven from God, rather than to be driven towards Him. I hope that sticks with you, because when we deal with the rest of these sessions on raising children, if you don't get this, then you're going to say, well that all sounds fine and good, and that may be good for you, what's right for you, but I've got a different source of strength, whatever your reasoning is. Either you're adopting God's means and drawing your heart's children to God, or you're driving them away from God. Now here's another question. What is your motivation for raising your children? You see, how you answer that question, how you, you know, what is your motivation will dictate the goals you set for your children. Many times the goals for our children is, well we want them to have immediate comfort and convenience. That doesn't sound bad, does it? But if that's the ultimate goal, then when things get difficult and a little uncomfort comes in there, your child doesn't want something. Is that really the ultimate goal God has put in front of you for children? Is the ultimate goal their comfort and convenience? Or is it righteousness? Is it holiness? Right? When parents require obedience because they feel under pressure, obedience of the children is reduced to parental convenience, one writer says. Christian parents must clearly understand the nature of godly parenting and children must be trained that God calls them to obey always. regardless of their comfort. You know, sometimes God calls you to immediate things, to obedience that are just not comfortable. And so, what do you do? So if it all revolves around, it's kind of like a marriage. If you got married because you think the ultimate goal of marriage is happiness, then what ends up happening when you are no longer happy? Most marriages break up. But that was not the goal of marriage. Yeah, marriage brings joy, no doubt. The goal of marriage is sanctification. You're called to be in charge. So let's address this issue of authority because you have authority. God calls you to be an authority in your child's life. You're not his buddy. You're not his counselor. You're his authority. You have authority to act on God's behalf. Your home is ultimately under God's jurisdiction and so as fathers we ought to act like that. So what does a Christ-centered home even look like? It looks like a home that is under the dominion and the authority of Christ in all areas and your children should see that. Turn to Genesis 18. Notice this statement about Abraham. In Genesis 18, pick up the reading in verse 17. And the Lord said, Shall I hide from Abraham what I am doing, since Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice, that the Lord may bring Abraham what he has spoken to him. And notice in verse 19, Abraham is doing God's pleasure with respect to his family, isn't he? He's performing a task on God's agenda, based on God's agenda. Abraham does not have the authority to wing it or become creative to this command. Abraham is performing God's agenda with respect to the family. The point I'm trying to get you to see is that God defines the task. Abraham acts on God's behalf. And so what we need to learn from all this is that your parenting must be from God's perspective. So one said it this way, you must undertake all your instructions, your care, your nurture, and your correction and discipline because God has called you to. You are to act with the conviction that He has charged you on behalf to act on His behalf. Turn to Deuteronomy 6. Deuteronomy 6. Deuteronomy 6. Pick up the reading in verse 1. Now this is the commandment and these are the statutes and judgments that the Lord your God has commanded to teach you. That you may observe them in the land which you are crossing over to possess. That you may fear the Lord your God and keep all of his statutes and his commandments which I commanded you. You and your son and your grandson all the days of your life that your days may be prolonged. Therefore, hear, O Israel, and be careful to observe it, that it may be well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the Lord God of your fathers has promised you, a land flowing with milk and honey. Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is one. You shall love the Lord with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and these words which I command to you this day shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk with them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be in the frontlets of your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Notice here in verse 2, because this verse highlights the parent's responsibility. God has a plan for Israel, doesn't He? He wants to prosper them. And that plan includes the children and the grandchildren. But this plan includes instilling what? The fear of God that manifests itself in keeping His commands. How do you know when a land, how do you know when a church, how do you know when a family fears God? They keep His commands. They walk. God's expectation is that the parent is instilling this by training the child when? When should the parent be training the child? When they sit, when they walk, when they lie down, when they rise up. My point here is that God has an objective goal for your child. We see it here. This is his desire. And his desire is that one generation follows another one in his ways. And how does God accomplish this? It's through the family. Now how can you do all this training if you're never with your child? How can you do this kind of training if you're just pawning them off on someone else? And then in Ephesians 6, verse 4, the command clearly lays out God's objective. You are to train that child up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Now I realize when I say, you know, we've gotten so comfortable saying that around here, train your children up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. It may not sound profound at first hearing, right? But the more you think about it, you begin to understand how profound this is and how God changes a culture by you being obedient to just this one simple command. You train your child up, right? The moment you ingrain in your mind that this is infinite wisdom communicating to you, that's the moment you see the magnitude of what God is saying here. Understanding this principle enables you to think clearly about your parenting, your home, how you want to set your home up. You see, the moment you understand that you're God's agent in this task of providing this essential training and instruction in the Lord, then you realize it's not just your child that is under authority, you're under authority. You and the child are all under authority together. You may have different roles, but you have the same master. And the child has to understand this. You see, if your child thinks that you're in charge because you're bigger, smarter, or less of a sinner, whatever the reasons you give them, then you begin to muddy the discipline and training process. You see, your right to discipline your child is tied to what God has called you to do, not your own agenda. I mean, if you get this, then it really sets priorities on what you're going to do with your child. If you see yourself as the one who is God's agent to train the heart of that child and shepherd that child's heart, then it really starts answering simple questions. Where do we put our resources to? Where are we going to spend our time? Right? Am I going to spend an hour to two hours a night at football? every night. Baseball, soccer, whatever it is. And I'm not saying those things are immoral. But understand this. If all day long you're separate from the child and then you add another two hours being out of the home where someone else is instructing them, and usually on the football field it's a foul-mouthed guy who just had a bad football career and so he's trying to live through a child, right? What do you think they're imparting to your children? Righteousness? Discipline? Correction? No! Worldliness. My point here is, if you put your kids in baseball, I'm not going to come after you. But what I am saying is this. Is that driving them closer to Christ? And is that what you want? If you don't, then yeah, just give them to anybody. But that's not why God gave you the child. It really sets, once you understand this principle, it sets the activities you do. What skills you teach them. And more importantly, who you even allow to teach them and have access to them. Also, when you discipline your child, they need to understand that you're disciplining them because as a person under authority, you're obligated to do this for their own good. Why do you discipline your child? Because God told you to. Right? And they need to understand that. They need to understand that God has instructed you to discipline them. When you discipline your child, what does your child witness? Now think about it. Be honest with yourself. You may need to repent. Do they discipline bursts of outrage because they embarrassed you? Or maybe, you know, they had an accident and knocked your favorite piece of... furniture, or glass, or whatever it is. And so, you know, the question, you know, and what you get mad about kind of tells the child what you, you know, you're passionate, where you put your value on. Like, you know, if your child lies blatantly, and you don't care, you don't do anything there, but they knock over a coffee mug that you love, and then you just lose it and go off on them, what did you just communicate to them? That coffee cup means more to me than your soul. I'm okay with you lying to me, because that's not going to make me mad. after all everybody lies, and you know, we're not going to be able to stop that. You understand the problem, what you're teaching that child at that moment. You're telling them what matters to you. Also, do they see when you discipline them, someone who's behaving as an authority, executing the will of his master. I'm doing this because my master disciplines me because he loves me, and I'm doing this because I love you. This is why I'm doing it. Now that you understand that you're God's agent as a parent, And now you understand you have a mandate to ask. This means you now have to engage your children. And when you engage your children, that's your act of obedience to God and they need to see you obeying God. This is your duty. You're not to be dismissive. This means you're to be at both positive and negative discipline. Positive discipline is the instructions and training that you give them. The negative side of it is we have to do corporal punishment. They need to see both. Also, I want you to understand that being in charge is different than being an advisor. Let me try to give you an example. Tripp, in his book, Shepherding the Child's Heart, gives this case. It's simple, but I think it drives home the point. He says, if you were willing to say, for instance, I've prepared oatmeal for your breakfast, most are saying, what do you want, little Johnny? You don't want oatmeal I've prepared for you? Oh, would you like something else? Right? Happens all the time in homes. At first glance, the second most traveled road actually sounds enlightening. But think about what just happened there. What did the child just learn at that moment? The child is learning that he is a valid decision maker. And the parent in this scenario is just making a suggestion. In other words, you become an advisor. Now multiply this scenario for clothing choices, schedule choices, free time choices, internet choices, email account choices, Facebook choices, what church we go to choices. And so by the time the child is 6, the child is his own boss. By the time they're 13, they're out of control. You see, you ever see a parent conjoling, pleading, urging maybe in frustration and anger, screaming and threatening? What's the problem? Well the problem there is that the parent at an early age allowed the child to be the boss. How did that happen? Well, it creeps in at a very young age because you stopped being the authority. You became the advisor offering up choices for a child to choose. Now, you're probably sitting there thinking, well, look, if I don't let my child make some choices, how is he ever going to learn how to choose? Well, of course we want our children to make choices, but here's the point. Your child will only learn to make sound choices after they observe parents who are faithful to their master. So for example, when you allow a child at a young age to make a choice. What's that choice based on? What the child wants, not what God desires. Do you see the difference? You need to be training them to think God's thoughts after Him, so they begin to make choices after what God wants for them. Then you start giving them a little leash, so to speak, a little freedom to make some choices. But you can't take a self-centered center and say, well what do you want? They always want what they want. And then you multiply that through all the decisions that you're going to give them throughout the day. And then you wonder why when they're teenagers, I can't get them to obey anything. And they're making foolish choices. Why? Because you train them at a young age to choose what they wanted when they wanted it. And then, you know what's worse than a teenager that thinks like that? An adult. They become adults who make decisions based on what they want. What makes them feel good. And so when you bring a gospel preacher out to a college university that tells them they need to repent and bring their lives under the desires of God, what do they do? They look just like the two-year-old you see in Walmart as they act out and scream out. Why? Because some parent made them a decision maker, made them the boss when they were two. Now here's the takeaway. Your child needs to understand that every decision has to be made based on an understanding that they are under authority and that you are under authority. You need to teach your children that God loves them so much that he gave them parents who are under authority to teach them and guide them. Second, once your child sees you as someone who's under authority, they can start making wise decisions that they watch you make decisions. Like, if you are a parent who makes decisions on what you want to do, what makes you comfortable, never seeking God's will, don't expect them to do it. No matter how much you teach them. They must see you going to God's Word. What would God have us do in this moment? Alright. Have I convinced you now it's important about establishing who's in charge? Who's in charge? God. And God delegated you to be in charge of your home. And God delegated those children to submit to your authority. Do you have any idea how long I've been going? I'm trying to figure out where I need to stop. Alright, well let me just stop here then. We'll pick up a little early next week, a little bit more foundational stuff, and then we'll start doing the practical thing. Let me just say this, to think about this ahead of time, when it comes to being a parent, to be a parent means more than just providing them their physical needs, that's part of it. Don't get me wrong on that. But if you're gonna make a chart, strengths of your child and weaknesses of your child, like on the strength part, I got children who are patient, self-controlled, diligent, honest, joyful, Follows instructions, humble, that would be strengths. And then on the weakness side, maybe they struggle with anger, malice, envy, lying, disobedient, rebels, pride, critical right. I have five kids and they were all over the charts with respect to strengths and weaknesses. As a parent, you're going to have to learn to shepherd those children. They all had incredible strengths, but some of them had incredible weaknesses that had to be dealt with. And you need to be able to go to God's Word. Like if you're dealing with a child that's lying, you need to be able to go to the pastors and deal with the wickedness of it. If you have a child that struggles with anger, how do you deal with that? Let me just give you some things to think about quickly. As a parent, you're going to have to be humble. You're going to have to be humble and say, you know what, I really don't know what to do with these sins, but I'm going to go to God's Word and I'm going to humble myself and let Him do this. Another thing, turn to James 1 quickly. There is no place for unrighteous anger. Now look, I'm not saying when your kid sins you jump up and down and clap. That's not what I'm talking about. Don't allow unrighteous anger and frustration to be vented out on that child. Because in James 1 we read, So then my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Raw, personal rage is not going to bring the righteousness of God. What I mean by that is it's not going to draw your child closer to God. That's why James kind of has this idea. We need to pay attention to this. I mean, think about it. Let me use the pastor example. With pure, uncontrolled rage with me dealing with you, would that draw you closer to God or drive you away? You can say it. Drive you away. Why do you think that's any different for your child? Discerning these issues, looking at your child as a soul that has a heart that's bent towards sin, then we need to bring the spiritual power of God and the means that He gives to us as parents. The Lord gives you the rod and He gives you the word. And we need to be bringing both of these to that child. And we'll look at more details on these things. But think of your discipline as corrective. Think about it this way. If correction orbits around the parent who's been offended, then the focus will be venting anger or taking vengeance. And it becomes real punitive in that sense. But if correction orbits around God as the real one who's been offended, then the focus becomes to your child in the sense of restoration. That's a different way to look at it, isn't it? You want to help your child understand himself in light of being a creature of God in God's world. You're God's agent to show them the need for God's grace and forgiveness. How can you show your child that he needs grace and forgiveness if you never discipline them, you never talk to them about these things? So you look to God to give you strength and wisdom for the task that he's given you. And so, think about this. Don't allow this kind of unrighteous anger and frustration dictate the aroma in your home. Also, discipline should be an expression of love. As Hebrews 12 says, God disciplines those he loves. We don't always get this concept, but discipline is always an expression of love in children. When your parents discipline you, I know it's hard to think about it. They do it because they love you. Now think about this. If you think discipline is an act of a demonstration of hatred, then what happens to these people when God disciplines them? You see the wrong picture we paint of who God is? Turn to Proverbs 19. Proverbs 19. Look at verse 18. Chasing your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction. You know, when you discipline your child, what you're doing is you're refusing to put him to death. So why do you think this is hard? It's hard because Most parents don't see themselves as God's agents. Therefore, you correct your child when they irritate you. When their behavior doesn't irritate you, then you don't discipline them. And if that describes you, you're not rescuing your child from the path of danger. What you're doing is allowing them to go down a course of destruction. So think about this. When this kind of parent, if that describes you, you're just saying, I'm fed up with you, you're making me mad, I'm going to hit you, I'm going to yell at you, I'm going to make you sit in a chair in isolation until you figure out what you did wrong. When you do that, you never show them the root cause of their sin. And that's not discipline. That's punishment. So instead of yielding a harvest of righteousness and peace, what it does is it creates anger in the heart of the child. And this is why Paul is careful to say, Father, don't provoke your children to wrath. You know to provoke your child to wrath more than anything else is to tell them, you're failing, you're failing, you're failing, I'm going to discipline you, I'm going to keep screaming at you, but I'm never going to tell you how to deal with sin in your life. And a lot of times it's because we haven't dealt with the sin in our own life by God's grace. You see, a recipient of God's grace knows how to tell other sinners Here's by God's grace how you can conquer and have victory over sin in your life. Two more Proverbs. Proverbs 23. But I just want more. Proverbs 23 verse 15. My son, if your heart is wise, my heart will rejoice, indeed I myself. Yes, my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak right things. And notice in verse 14 where he says, you shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell. These Proverbs remind us of the great blessing of having children and the responsibility we have, but the power that he gives, or not the power, but the authority that he gives to parents. The issue of disciplining are issues of character development and honoring God. And so these are non-negotiables when it comes to being a parent. So let me end with a question that I started with. Do you want a Christ-centered home? Or do you want a child-centered home? And how the hell do you answer that question? If you live here today and say, children, I want a Christ-centered home, then that means you're going to submit every area to Christ and His Word, to His authority. Are you going to drive your child away from Christ? Say, we want a Christ-centered home, but then start bringing ingenuity, start winging it again. If you want to show and drive your child's heart to Christ, let them see your heart being driven to Christ. And as parents, we teach them obedience through our obedience to God. So since this matters to God, then it has to matter to us. And remember this, you're the authority over them. They're not the authority. Right? And so because you're their authority, God has put you there to shepherd that heart. And so Lord willing, we'll pick up on these principles next week to start taking this foundation and building off of it. But I hope I've convinced you today, God's Word is the authority. It gives us everything we need to train our children. And so, over the next couple weeks, we'll look at what God's word says about training that child and shepherding that heart of that child to Christ. Thank you again, Father, for your word and your wisdom that you've given to us. Lord, if we have brought anything to bear with training our children other than your word, may we repent. Bring conviction, Lord. Draw us closer to you. Let our kids see us repent as we submit ourselves to your authority. Lord, let them learn a heart of obedience to you as our hearts are molded to obey you. Lord, may they see your grace conquering sin in our life, that grace may conquer sin in theirs. Lord, thank you for these children. What a blessing they are. But Lord, let us give ourselves to your means and your ways to train them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Lord, may we not have a church that looks like the world. May we not have the results that we see as others have lost their children to the world. Lord, we just pray that you preserve them through your word. by your spirit. Let them see the beauty of Christ who gave them their parents to be a means or an agent of your authority to point them towards Christ. Lord, grant us wisdom, grant us your spirit, and it's in Christ's name we pray. Amen.