Okay, we shall regather and finish out the day. I will make sure that we are out of here before two o'clock. works that out. Thank you for sacrificing time to be here today, and I pray that God can give us a stirring in our hearts as we live in this age that is going at a breakneck speed away from the absolute truth of God, and that we can be salt and light. We can truly live to fulfill our purpose, to be reflectors of the nature and the character of our God. I want to close today by talking tools that build relationships. And as I mentioned that God prepared Adam with giving him a job description to be a reflector of God's character, to be able to rule over God's creation, to be relational. and then the guidelines for that relationship. Now, how do we continue to build a relationship that God established? And I would like us to turn to 1 Peter chapter three, and we'll focus particularly on verse seven, where the instructions for the woman were given in the first seven verses, and then there was a blurb for the man in verse seven. And if there were not seven verses given to the woman and only one verse to the man because the women were not able, or more needy, but because the culture of that day, you have to remember when a woman got saved in that culture, women were not treated like women are treated today. There was a completely different mentality, particularly in the Roman world. And so there were very detailed instructions given to the wife for how she should function now as a wife in the midst of that kind of culture. And then there's a likewise in verse 7. And I want to focus on the likewise of verse 7, not the likewise of verses 1 through 7. Because the likewise in verse 1. is dealing with the woman being like Christ as compared and described in chapter two of 1 Peter. Now chapter three, 1 Peter chapter three and verse seven. Likewise, ye husbands, number one principle of tools that build a relationship is the tool of time. Husbands dwell with them. And this principle is particularly a wife to a husband principle, but it's much broader than that in application, because it fits every relationship, how every relationship is built, the God-man relationship, the father-son relationship, parent-child relationship, and particularly honed in on the husband-wife relationship that is there. And likewise, your husband dwell with them. Now, when a man married, under Mosaic law, what was he required to do according to Deuteronomy 24 and verse 5? He had to be, number one, thou shalt not go to war, which I think has a good dual application. And number two, he shall be free at home one year to do what? To cheer up the wife. that he had taken, you know what that tells me? To stabilize a relationship, time is demanded. Now, for some people, men particularly, they're not so time conscious as far as the building of a relationship, but a wife is extremely conscious of that time. And many times, because the man's world is out there, he's looking five years down the road of where they're going, the wife is thinking, my kitchen, my house, my home, my meals, her world is right now. And she is in that place, and her husband's been out there, and he comes in tired, and she is expecting that there is going to be time to communicate and time to If you want to panic your husband when he comes home from work, say, honey, can we talk? If you want to have a heart attack and spend the next three weeks in the hospital, even though your intention is, man, I just want time. Well, he doesn't know that. Now what are you going to dump on me? Because he's already had everything dumped on him all day at work and all week at work. And so time is very much of a necessity. How conscious are we of that? And I think when we look at the entire aspect, I remember the Pegram family. I don't know, do any of you know any of the Pegrams? I think they were from Iowa. But they had nine kids, and Dennis and Ina, Dennis was a businessman, not a preacher. And three of their kids worked at Northline Camp for several summers. And they used to always do their family reunions at camp. They would come up for a family camp. So Dennis and I would bring the other six kids, plus the three kids who were already working there. And it was just a wonderful time. And we used to have 90 family units, usually, during a family camp. So that meant there could be 400 to 500 campers. at family camp, and Dennis, 52 years old and relatively young. In fact, I just saw two of their children at a funeral. I went to a funeral in Detroit area, and I just saw Josh, who was our director of our music for three summers, and then another one who worked there. And Dennis Pegram, the father, came to me Tuesday morning and said, lest you realize that there are, be aware there are at least five unsaved people here this week in these family members. Well, what he did Monday night, of all the families, he went and introduced himself to every family. How did you get saved? Et cetera. A businessman, not a preacher. wanted to hear their testimony. He said, well, there are at least five who could not give a testimony of salvation. So he said, just be aware of that. One of them is a young couple. He's a policeman in Illinois. Very handsome young couple. But they were invited by, I think, her sister or a sister-in-law. And the husband thought, this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. for a whole week to get preached at. Well, that's the attitude of an unsaved heart. I'm not going to go and pay money to get preached at. But he said, okay, I'll do it for the family. And so I was aware of it. And then Thursday, Dennis came to me and he said, have you talked to any of these families yet? I said, yes, I have. I've tried to introduce myself and become acquainted with them. And so then Thursday night, I was going to do the evening service. And I was leaving the house. And I told my wife, I said, I'm going to change my message tonight. I'm going to preach on time. And I totally changed everything I'd been planning to do that day. And I preached a message on time, the importance of time, such as what we're looking at here, dwell with them. And I said, don't assume when you wake up in the morning that your mate is going to be there when the sun sets that night. I said, don't, I mean, that's too much to assume. I said, we need to be completely cognizant of the time element. And so we finished that, and I went through with multiple, and gave my wife's testimony when I thought I was flying back from California, and I thought my wife was with the Lord from the report I had gotten from Northwest Airline that her heart had exploded, they said. And so I was sharing this. I'm on that flight thinking time is gone. Time is gone. I can't believe this, and it's gone like that. And the Lord miraculously spared her life. That was 22 years ago. And so then Friday morning, I had the 11.20 to 12, or 11.15 to 12.15 session, or 11.30 to 12.30, whatever. And Dennis Pegram announced that we're playing, we're gonna do family basketball this afternoon. All the families, bring your kids, husband, wife, we're just gonna keep switching off and playing, and we'll just have a whole afternoon in the gym of just playing basketball. And here's Dennis, of course, in good shape. He was a jogger, very, very conscientious eater. And so my wife and I went to town with her brother who came from Kansas City. Their family came to family camp. And I get a phone call from Tim Corey, a friend of ours, said Dennis Pegram had a heart attack in the gym. And they're taking him up to the hospital. So I thought, boy, oh, boy. So I didn't know if it was a serious thing or if it was just a little flutter. But we were driving through Pembine, and I saw the ambulance coming. No siren, no lights. And I said, honey, Dennis is with the Lord. So we went back. Up, the hospital, all nine children. Dennis was on a gurney. His tennis shoes, gym shorts, laying on the gurney, full of life 30 minutes earlier. And the kids are in panic. A couple of them ran up into the hills behind the hospital. And finally, we got together. And Charlene and I went down the line. And we were hugging these kids. And then I got to Ina, the wife. And she said, you know, the last thing Dennis did with me, you dismissed chapel this morning. And the last thing Dennis said, honey, and they were sitting right like over in an area like that, said, honey, let's just pray and thank God for the time he's given us from the message the night before. Expecting at least 30 more years that they would have in a normal lifespan. But she said, that's the last thing we did together, a couple. You know, Dennis is with the Lord. But she said, I'm so glad that's the last thing we did. Thanking God for the time he did give us. No idea. I preached that night on death. That was my message that night. I preached on death. Seemed like a strange way to end a family camp. And I said, God knew he was going to take Dennis to glory this week. And he also knew he was going to take him to glory through Dunbar, Wisconsin. And I said, the reason for that is because some of you sitting out there know exactly why God brought Dennis Pedram here and why he chose to take him to heaven from here, because he spoke to you individually about your need. And I said, I'm not going to give an invitation tonight, but my wife and I are going to be available after the service. We talked to several. At 11 o'clock that night, my wife had already gone back to the house and we lived across the field to campus at that time. I was getting ready to head back over, and this policeman and his wife came out of the dark shadow there by the coffee shop and said, do you have time to talk? And so I rapped on the window of the Daily Grind. They were locking up. And I said, I need to go in the back with this couple. And 11.30 that night, they both opened their heart to Christ. And he retold the story. I thought when I came, the dumbest thing. He said, but Monday night, I realized this was going to be different. I talked to an evangelist who had gone through that church in Illinois. A year after, they said, man, that couple, they're growing like bad weeds. Got saved. But he told me, this policeman told me, he said, you know, Dennis went up for either a shot or a rebound, and he said, I think he died midair. He said, he fell at my feet. And he said, I'm a policeman. I have rushed to accident scenes. I have been to tragedies. He said, I couldn't handle this one. Why did he love me like he did? And I said, well, you know, he did love you. That's why he was wanting to get you the gospel. I think there were five people who got saved that week. One, one whole year later. from the testimony of a passionate businessman who was passionate to make sure that people got the gospel and understood it clearly. But the lesson, and I saw the two Pegram boys at the funeral last weekend in Detroit. And I said, you have no idea how many times I've told your family's story and how many lives have been impacted to be reminded that time is a valuable possession and we cannot take for granted. When we wake up in the morning, that family member is going to be there when the sun goes down that night. Good reminder for us. I'm not going to tell you my wife's story, but it's such a miraculous story of God's providing restoration and safety and that. But here I was thinking, kids, grandkids, We now have three children and 10 grandchildren, and I think five great-grandchildren now. And I'm thinking, you know, my wife, this was her heartbeat, the love of that family, and God did spare her. And she's just had heart surgery again about six weeks ago, and that's why I'm making her stay and rest. But you know, since that time, 22 years ago, I have not taken a minute for granted with her. And I can say without hesitation, and she would say the same thing, we love being together like we've never loved being together before. You know, it grows better and better and better and better. We just love being together. We love that time together. You know why? Because every minute is precious. It's precious with our children. as precious with our family. I remember I was driving with my son, Stephen, I think was 14, maybe, at the time, and we were driving somewhere, and I said, Stephen, I want to ask you a question. What don't you like about me? And please, please be honest, and I will not be offended. He said, Dad, there's nothing I don't like about you. And I taught, I mean, Stephen and I got so good. I taught him all the climbing business and all that. And he was just, he's one of those could do just about everything. We did a lot of things together. And he said, there's nothing I don't like about you. And I said, no, be honest. I said, you're not going to hurt my feelings. He said, well, you're gone a lot. being the president of an institution and flying somewhere every weekend and things. I said, well, Stephen, I'll change that. And I tried to drop as many meetings as I could. When I realized, ethically, I had to stop, quit what I was doing, and do something completely different. So I decided I ethically could not cancel some of the things And so I took him out of school for a year. I said, you're going to travel with me. And we were all over. We were in Israel, at the Wailing Wall. He liked that way better than the one we had in our house. He liked that Wailing Wall in Jerusalem way better. And memories, memories, memories. But because you can get so tied up Now, the question, why are we instructed, forsake not the assembling of yourselves together? So much the more to see the time approaching. Why are we exhorted as believers to be in the house of God, fellowshipping with the people of God regularly? Because it takes time to build relationships. And the more time together, the more trust. The less time together, the less trust. And that's true in a husband-wife, that's true in a parent-child. Because when you have time together, there's much more trust. When time begins to break away, a church member decides, I'll show up every other Sunday, or one time a month, next thing you know, there is a indication of mistrust one direction or the other. Time is so crucial along that line. Time, be conscious of that in building a relationship. Live with her according to knowledge. Underscore that word, knowledge. Learn about her. Not only live with her, that's the tool of time. Learn about her. That's the tool of thinking. Learn to think each other's needs. My wife and I, this June 5th, will be married and in ministry 59 years, if the Lord allows us to go that long until June 5th. We're in a restaurant. And the waitress was asking us, and I said, we're celebrating. I forget what it was. We split meals anymore, because you can only eat so much. And I said, we take turns with the teeth, but we do split the meal. And one guy in Indiana, boy, he couldn't stop laughing, one of the waiters. So you just take turns with the teeth. How does that work? But I said, but we split the meal. And then this one lady said, how did you stay married that long? And I said, lightly, I said, well, I learned how to say yes, ma'am, many, many years ago. But I said, really? I said, the key that we have found is you wake up thinking about the needs of the other mate, not your own needs. And I said, I have had to learn that. Because I don't wake up thinking me. I wake up thinking, how can I help her? So I'll get up. She'll go in the kitchen. And then I'll make up the bed. It's pretty hypocritical. Don't look underneath. The surface looks great. And I'll swish the top. To make it look smooth, there might be all kinds of waves underneath, but at least, and I'll be out somewhere and I'll get a text. That was sweet. That's all it says on that was, well, she went in the bedroom, so I made the bed up. She didn't care how, how, what looked underneath. The thing that communicated to her, I was thinking of her. She's always thinking of me, of my needs. And I said, in honesty, I think when we live with that kind of a self-lust mentality and we wake up thinking, and that goes believer to believer. I've heard people say, I don't go to church, I don't get anything out of it. I said, I don't go to get, I go to give. And I said, I've never failed to get when I've gone to give. And I said, I have my pen out when the pastor or the preacher is speaking. And I said, I write. And some say, I don't get fed. I say, you don't have a spoon at home? Don't you have a Bible and a spoon at home? I said, you can do a whole lot of feeding before you ever get to church. And if two verses are read, you get a blessing. They say, thank the Lord. That's God's truth. Amen. But I don't sit there. And I said, go to give, and you'll always be blessed. Go to give. Who can I encourage? Who can I help? What word can I say? Because learning the needs of others is so, so crucial. Now, you say, Les, is it possible to understand a woman completely? No. No. I remember my brother Earl and I, we had a bus ministry in Roseville, and Earl was an engineer, but he would help me with buses and breakdowns, and we would work on buses sometimes, and I'd come in, my hands would be all dirty. I'd wipe it as best I could on the rags, and then I'd go in the bathroom, and my wife had a dish of blue soap balls on the back of the commode there. And I said, these things don't even lather up. She said, you're not supposed to use them. I said, what are they in the bathroom for? Wait till you hear the explanation. I still accepted by faith. Another lady explained it to me. Well, and you will have to accept this by faith as well. I was told, you know what those blue soap balls do? Soap ball pulls the blue out of the wallpaper. Really. So I went in there and listened real close. Come on, blue, you can do it. I said, I thought this was the most quiet place in the house, and I didn't know all that was going on in here. Then I heard the same thing about carpet. It pulls something out of the walls. And I said, OK. All right. I will agree. That's what happens to those blue soap balls. But we still need to get something more functional. So we were in Tennessee at Dollywood doing a couples conference at Dollywood. And these couples went shopping. They had the whole afternoon to shop. And they went and bought me a bag of soap. And they call it soap. soap balls or whatever I was calling it. And so they said, we got something for your bathroom that were happy soap balls. But we can get a good laugh out of that. But we do need to think each other's needs. And we need to think each other's needs as believers. You realize how many people come to church? You have no idea what heaviness might be on a heart that morning. or that evening. And a church is a place for people to be able to come and hear it out loud. And that is so crucial. We need to be sensitive to that. Learn about her. And thirdly, giving honor. Love her. Consider precious. That's the tool of tenderness. So you use the tool of time. You use the tool of thinking. Then you use the tool of tenderness. and how crucial that is, that tenderness is manifested as you look at the relationship that is there. And I'm talking broadly now, not just husband-wife, but I'm talking believer to believer, parent to child, and so on. because the system that God set up in Genesis chapter two of how a husband and wife were to function was a perfect system. And these tools that are given to Peter in 1 Peter chapter three, verse seven, of how a man is to function, continue that relationship that is so helpful. Learn to be tender. You know, it doesn't cost you a dime to say a kind word. It doesn't cost you a dime to say, let you know I appreciate you. Wouldn't it be great sometimes, ever get a note from somebody? Not just a husband, wife, but somebody gives you a note and it's wrapped around a Snicker bar. And you open a note when you get home, and you read it. And you say, that was nice. And then you put it down. You read it again. Put it on the nightstand. You read it again in the morning when you wake up. And you think, you know, it didn't take that person 17 seconds to do that. But it stayed with you the rest of your life. You know why? Because there was somebody tender enough and thoughtful enough to express a gratitude to you for the times that are there. And oh, how desperately we need that in Christendom today. How desperately we need to be thoughtful of the needs of other people. Walk in those shoes of another person and you will have a much, much better understanding of what is there. And then as onto the weaker vessel. Lead. Be a leader of her. Lead. Be a model. May our wives and our children see us, or may our children see us giving gospel tracks. May they hear us witnessing the gospel. May I, as a husband, lead my wife into prayer. You know, men, we are the ones who should be saying, honey, can we just spend some prayer time together? And sometimes we'll do it driving. Charlene will pray, and then I'll pray while I'm driving and try not to shut my eyes. But we'll spend prayer time like that. But I have to be the initiator. And men, we need to do that. You say, well, I feel awkward. It won't be awkward long. Just do it. The awkwardness will be gone pretty quick. The most securing thing a wife can have in a solid relationship is convinced that her husband is godly. That's the most securing thing a wife can have. And one of the most securing ways to demonstrate that is to be leading in the word and to leading in prayer. And it doesn't have to be all night preaching open the word and start wind sucking for a couple hours. My pastors, first of all, down south, man, those wind suckers, I used to go to those meetings and there'd be shouting and they'd get up, I'll tell you people, there are people tomorrow that need to get straight. When I first pastored down there in the south, I tried that. I was blowing out when I should have been sucking in and I thought, this isn't working, I'm gonna choke myself. I decided I just have to be less. I can't be. I have to be me. That's all. I'll kill myself, choke myself. What a write-up that would be. Pastor chokes himself in pulpit as in the midst of wind-sucking. But boy, there were some wind-suckers that would go in those meetings. When the mortar's thin, you have to sling it hard to make it stick. That's what I used to say. I'm sure when you got a thin mortar, slap her hard because it won't stick. But what a blessing to be able to be a model and a testimony in that way. Lead her. And then I'm going to add one more. It comes from Proverbs. Laugh with her. That's a tool of learning how to be tickled together. the tool of time, the tool of thinking, the tool of tenderness, the tool of a testimony, and the tool of being tickled together. I was doing a men's conference. Any of you ever heard of Gitche Gumee Bible Camp, way in the very tip of Upper Michigan? Gitche Gumee is the Indian word for Lake Superior, so it's Lake Superior Conference Grounds, and that's just about 100 years old now. But we go there almost every year to speak at something. And that's right eight miles from where I was born and raised. They can't have camp in the wintertime because buildings are buried in snow. But I was doing a men's conference, and I said, you know, I don't trust men who can't laugh. They're not holy as much as they're bitter. And a guy came up to me afterwards. He said, I don't agree with you. And I almost said, no kidding, Tonto. When I was speaking, he was, if Lush could kill, he would have been a mass murderer. And I said, I'm just saying what the Bible says. And I said, laughter is good like medicine. I think laughter is a medicine. And I think there's a healing element to it. In fact, I used to get tickled. My wife and I, I led a study tour on Paul's journeys. And a part of those journeys, we went through the Seventh Church of the Revelation. And one of the hospital systems there, and they were explaining how it worked back in that day, There were men, there were holes up above, and there was like a tunnel that these people would come in that were depressed or maybe emotional needs, and they would have those who would holler through these holes, giving positive ideas and things. Then they would put them in a sauna type thing, heat them up in this hot mud or hot bath, and then they would take them to a comedy, a play that was a comedy. to get them relaxed and then get them laughing. And they said that was a part of their healing system. But I think Proverbs, it says, laughter is good like medicine. Well, I saw this guy a year or two later, maybe. I was speaking at a conference in Midland, Michigan. And he came. And he saw me. But in the meantime, he had mailed me a letter. And in the letter, he had a folded up section, a medical section of one of the Detroit papers, and it says that medicine believes that there is healing, that laughter promotes healing. And he had a little note in the corner. You were right. That's the letter. Then I saw him at this conference. And I said, well, I don't think you ought to be crazy stupid, but I do think we need to learn how to laugh. Because my wife and I were somewhere just the other day. In fact, the lady said, is he like that at home, too? She said, yes, he is. He is absolutely that way at home. Because we're always laughing about something. And all she has to do is look at me and laugh. And so we were in Redding, California. A man came to me on a Friday. We had gotten there on that previous Saturday. He said, boy, you tell a lot of jokes. I said, I do? I said, tell me one that I told. I've been here seven days now. Tell me one that I told. I said, think real hard, because I knew I didn't tell any jokes. He said, well, I can't think of any. I said, you can't think of any, because I didn't tell any jokes. He said, well, we were laughing. I said, I don't tell jokes. I tell life. I describe life, and I add a slight exaggeration to reality, and it's the funniest thing going. Because all you have to do is talk about a real situation and add a little bit of... For example, we take turns with the teeth. Well, we really don't, because mine aren't that easy to get out. But it's kind of a real life thing that people face, and it's amazing. You know, if you lift somebody's spirit that much, most people aren't working because they want to be there, especially waiters and waitresses. Most people are not walking at Walmart working because they cannot wait to get to that cash register in Walmart. No, they're there because they have to be there. And I love just saying an encouraging word. Hey, you're looking good today. Hey, God's on the throne, isn't he? I said, I got up thanking God. He put breath in me, and I hit the day. And inevitably, they said, have a good day. And that's like, even if you lift them that much, you can have a ministry that way. And just say an encouraging word. Just coming recently out of New England, I was going through an airport up there in New Hampshire. Early in the morning, and the lady at TSA said, if you're over 75, you don't have to take your shoes off. I said, you think I make it? I said, I was a busboy at the Last Supper. And I said, my social security number is nine. I said, I think I qualify. The guy behind me said, that lady was still laughing when you were putting your stuff back on over there. She had never met anybody that had been a busboy at the Last Supper. But sometimes these people get chewed on. I thought, why not just lift their spirits just a little? And you know, laughter does heal. Now, there's an inappropriate time for laughter. And the Bible is very clear about that. But I think for the most part, I think we need to enjoy who we are, enjoy our salvation in the Lord. I don't think there's anything special about having a long mug. But I think it's good for relationships to have a good, light atmosphere where people can enjoy being together with one another. And then when it comes times to get serious and get yourself plowing down, and when you have to encircle somebody who was hurting badly, then you get, you're in a position where you're acceptable to do that. but tools that build relationships, time, thinking, tenderness, being a testimony, and then just add the added ingredient from Proverbs of just learning how to be tickled. And did God have a sense of humor? Look at a giraffe. I think that's got to produce a giggle at least. Can you imagine if that one got a sore throat? Trouble in Tunnel 9, I'll tell you that. It would not be in the scriptures. I read Buck Wiersbe's book on humor. in believers, and it's so good because he has such a balanced thing to that. He said one lady told him at the door, you're too humorous. In the pulpit, he said, oh, you ought to see me at home. Follow me home. I think he was making a very key statement there. Learn how to be joyful. Make yourself fun to be with. in those relationships. Then there are times when you get serious, people know exactly that it's time to be serious and committed that way.