It is good to be here. I am enjoying Scotland, this lovely warm weather that you're having. The only thing is, it wouldn't be just the same if I was at home, so you know what? It's fine. But it's a joy to be with you, a joy to be with the Shores, a joy to be with our family. Lots of activity in their home. Lots of busy people, yeah? OK. Turn with me to Ephesians chapter 5 today. Ephesians chapter 5. Let me talk to you about marriage and the family here for a second. We live in a pretty tough world. Lots of hard things. Lots of difficult things to deal with. It's a tough world. There are a lot of problems that we face all the time. And that's because this is a cursed world. We were born for a different world, you know that? We were born for a world where everything was right and where thorns and thistles didn't grow, but because of sin, we live in a thorn and thistle world, and that's the way it is. Now, into our thorn and thistle world, God, in his mercy, has given us some good things, some joys, some blessings. One of those sweet blessings that God has given us is marriage. He's given it to us that even though life is difficult, even though the world is difficult, even though there will be problems, it's supposed to be a joy and a blessing to us. And I think all marriages start with that in mind. There's gonna be a joy, there's gonna be a blessing, but it's very easy for us to lose all the joy and for it to become a battleground. And instead of bringing the joy God intended for it to bring, it brings pain to us. It's very easy for it to get like that. And you know, the only way for us to straighten it out and get it to be what God wants it to be is for us to actually look to the word of God, see how he intended it to be lived. And it's not rocket science. You know, any of us can actually understand it. It is beyond us. in the sense of this, we're selfish creatures. You're selfish, I'm selfish. I want the world to work according to Dave. I want the world to make Dave happy, and I want the people around Dave to make Dave happy. And the people around Dave want to be happy as well, so they want to be happy. So it's gonna take more than just me to make this work out. It's gotta be a God thing. But you know the God's in it. God's very much in marriage. We think that marriage, is something we dreamed up, because we like being together. It's not. God dreamed it up. It's a God plan. It's a God thing. The first couple in the garden were married. It was part of the plan, as far as God was concerned. And we've got to understand that, that marriage is not a human thing nearly as much as it's a God thing. And so he's got the plan. And if we let him work his plan out in our lives, we'll be amazed at how well it'll work. We'll be amazed, no matter how hard it might seem, how well it will work if we let God work out his plan in our lives, because he's got a plan for marriage. All right, that's a word of prayer, and we'll begin to read Ephesians chapter five, and what we'll do is I'll read portions of it. Keep your finger in Ephesians chapter five. We'll look at some other scripture as well, but keep your finger in there, because we're gonna keep coming back to that place. Father, would you bless us now tonight, Lord? Lord, we want this area in our lives to be right, Lord. We want it to be sweet. We want our homes to be a place of blessing. We want our homes to be a place of joy for our children. Lord, we want it to be a place of joy for each other, Lord. And Lord, we do ask you, Lord, that you would just help us tonight, Lord. Would you give me wisdom on what needs to be said? Would you give this people hearing ears and open hearts so they can Receive what you have for them. Lord, you're a good and loving God, and all your plans for us are good, and all your plans for us are love, and Lord, if we'll just take your plan, Lord, you'll help us. Now would you help us tonight? In Jesus' precious name, amen. So Ephesians chapter five. First thing, Ephesians chapter 5 deals with the family. We talked about it a little bit yesterday. But it deals with the family, and it's going to deal with children. It catches all of us. We all get caught in this chapter. But it starts off, this section at least, starts off in verse 18. And it says this. It says, be not drunk with wine wherein is excess, but be filled with the spirit. speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things unto God, that the God and the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Now pause there and we'll come back to it in a moment. The first step in having a good marriage is for you to be filled with the Spirit. Now, being filled with this, he gives you a picture there in verse 18, he says, be not drunk with wine. When somebody is drunk, they are controlled by the alcohol. I don't know if there's an expression in Ireland, but they say it's not him talking, it's the drink talking. Because he said something because he was drunk, and it may not be true, it may not be even what he feels or thinks, he just said it because of the drink. And you see, when somebody's drunk, they're controlled by the drunk. You know, by the drink. If a policeman stops somebody who's drunk, he'll sometimes ask them to walk a straight line. Right? Because that's a dead giveaway. A person starts stumbling on the line, it's a dead giveaway that they've got a drink. Why? Because they're controlled by the drink. Now, here's the picture. The picture's not talking about a drink, really. It's giving you a comparison there. It says, don't be told to decline, but be filled with the Spirit. In the same way as the drink controls somebody when it's in, God wants you and I to be controlled by the Spirit of God. He wants the spirit of the living God to be the one that's actually ruling in our lives, that's actually teaching us, and showing us, and leading us, and guiding us. And that's the life. That is the life. The life is when you give in to God, let God have control of your life, and let God do his work in your life. You see, here's the thing. We're not very good at life. But we really aren't. You give us our lives to run by ourselves, and we're going to be in trouble. You take a child. We've got some wonderful children here, right? I'm glad you're here tonight, because we've got something for you tonight, too, as well, kids, right? But you take these children, and you tell them when they're three or four, and they've just been weaned, and they're ready to go, and you say, OK, listen, on you go, kid. Live your life. Make it happen. Do the best you can. See you. Well, that child's going to fail. They're gonna grow up wild at best. They're probably not gonna survive, because you know what? They need to be trained and taught and controlled. The Bible says this, that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from you, from them. Do you know that Nelson, you're a very clever guy, but you were born foolish? Do you know that all of your kids were born foolish? This is kinda hard to say, but you know that I was born foolish? Foolishness is bound in our hearts, but you know what? God wants to drive the foolishness out of our hearts and train us to be reasonable human beings. But a child's gotta actually grow in those things and be taught in those things, and he needs parents that know what they're doing. Now, you know what? I went to school for a lot of years. I read a lot of books. I passed a lot of tests. I've got a leaving cert. We call things your A-levels over here. We've got a leaving cert in Ireland. I've got all those things. Nobody ever taught me how to raise kids. Nobody ever taught me how to raise kids. Never had one class in school on how to raise kids, on how to raise a family. I never had one class in school on marriage. You know what, it's amazing how the educational system and all of it can fail us, but God doesn't fail us. God never fails us. God gives us his word, and he gives us his plan, and he says, listen, I will show you how to do this. I will show you how to live life, and to live it successfully, and to actually get it right. Not perfect, because we're not perfect, but you can get it right. But the first step is, God says, you can't let me take control. You can't let me show you what to do. You gotta stop throwing your head and doing your own thing and making it happen. Now, before that step where you give control to God as far as living your life is concerned, you gotta come to the place where you yield to him as far as salvation is concerned. You know that everybody in this room's a sinner. Isn't that hard to take sometimes? Every one of us, we've all gotten it wrong. We may not be on the level of a murderer, but you know what? We've all gotten it wrong. There are things that God has told us to do that we've not done, and there are things that God has told us not to do that we've done, and we know, because he's given us a conscience, he's written it in our hearts. And because we're sinners, we need a savior. And that savior is the Lord Jesus Christ. The only way that our sin could be paid for was him coming and paying for it on the cross. There's no other way. If there was any other way, God would have used it. Because you know what? God loved his son. And he wouldn't have sent him to the cross if there was any other way. But God sent his son to the cross so that you and I might be able to come to Him to be saved, to be born again, and to know Him as our Savior. You know, when I realized that there was no other way to be saved apart from Jesus Christ, that's the moment when I got saved. When I finally realized that there was no other way. But you gotta come to that place where you realize, I can't do this thing. I'll never be good enough, I'll never get it right, I'll never sort out the problem of sin, I need Him. And when I trusted Jesus Christ as my Savior, the Bible tells me the Spirit of God came in. He came into my life and He indwelled my life. Now, that didn't mean necessarily I was letting Him control my life. I wasn't letting Him control. When we're talking about being filled with the Spirit, we're talking about another step where I yield control to Him. In fact, it's not a step, it's continuous steps. It's be being filled with the Spirit. It's every day, Lord, I can't do this. Lord, I need your help. I can't raise my kids, Lord. I can't love my wife. Lord, I need your help. You know, because I'm not able. But he hasn't asked me to be able. He's asked me to be willing to let him do it in my life. And you see, when I've come to him and trusted him as my savior, and I've been willing to let him control my life, you know what I find? I find I have a partner who's much stronger than me, who knows what's best, and who's able to help me do right. And I find I can do amazing things. Not me, though. You know, take this simple step. Man, we're supposed to love our wives, and we'll talk about it at length in a moment. Are you capable of always loving your wife? Aren't there humanly speaking times when she just annoys you because she's doing what you don't want her to do? I'm not capable of always loving her. She's a wonderful woman. But I'm not capable of always loving her. I need help. I need help from one eye. And that's what God offers us if we'll come to Him and yield to Him and let the Spirit of God control our lives. If we'll just let Him have control. Now, I see some other pictures in the scripture of the same thought. John chapter 15 talks about abiding in Christ. You don't turn there, let me read you these verses. John 15 verse four says, abide in me and I in you, as the branch cannot bear fruit of itself except it abide in the vine, no more can ye except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye are the branches, he that abideth in me and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit, for without me ye can do nothing. Okay, now here's the picture. The picture is, you got a vine, a grape, a plant, and you want it to produce fruit. Well, the branches of a vine that are going to produce fruit are going to be the branches that are attached to the vine. If you cut them off and they lie on the ground, they die. They don't produce any fruit. And they produce no fruit. A branch by itself can do nothing. The child of God is a branch that has to be attached to the vine, because we draw our nourishment from him, the Lord Jesus Christ. And we need to be attached. And the passage there says, without me you can do nothing. Now, sometimes the things God says offend me, because what do you mean? I'm no good by myself. I can do nothing by myself. Well, that's exactly what he's saying. I am not able to do anything of spiritual value by myself at all. I have to be attached to the vine. Let me give you a silly illustration of it. You have a vacuum cleaner in your house. Now, unless it's one of those ones that's battery-powered, you can have a perfectly good vacuum cleaner, but it needs to be plugged in. We were doing some work at the church recently, right? And we were cutting out a doorway, because we wanted to make another doorway into our church room, our big room. And so we were cutting out our doorway, and we were using a con-saw. Anybody ever use a con-saw? Any of you guys ever use a con-saw, concrete saw? A concrete saw is a magnificent dust maker. I'm telling you, in five minutes flat, you could fill this room with dust with a console. It's got a little powerful motor on it, you start it, and I'm telling you, it spins dust everywhere. So of course it's our auditorium, we've got carpets and chairs and everything else inside. I'm working out how we're going to do this without filling the whole place with dust. I worked it out. So I'm using the console and I've got one man that's got a water sprayer and he's spraying water on it to stop it from getting dust. Now that's okay, it's okay, it's got a powerful motor. And I've got another man and he's got a vacuum cleaner, a wet and dry vacuum cleaner, and he's on the other side of it and he's sucking it up. I thought it was a great plan. Well, I start the console. The guy working with the water is good. The console is working great. It's cutting through. But man, the dust is flying everywhere. And I'm looking at it, and I'm saying, why is my great plan not working? And finally, when I switched off the console, I realized why. You know what? The vacuum cleaner wasn't plugged in. He was doing everything he was supposed to be doing, but it wasn't plugged in. Listen, when I'm not plugged into the Lord Jesus Christ, I'm as effective as that vacuum cleaner. I need to be filled with the Spirit of God. I don't need to be filled with the Spirit of God the odd time. I don't need to be filled with the Spirit of God just when I preach, although I couldn't preach for a moment without that. I need to be filled with the Spirit of God all the time. I need to be walking with the Lord Jesus Christ. I need to be walking hand in hand with him and listening to what he tells me. Now, listen, it's not spooky. It just becomes a walk, the way of life. It's not, you know, like I'm sitting there waiting for a message from heaven all the time. No, it's just the way I learn to walk. And when I walk with him, I learn to be effective. in my living. I need to be effective in my life. Another passage that says effectively the same thing is Galatians 2.20. It says, if I through the law am dead to the law, that I might live unto God. Verse 20 says, I am crucified with Christ. Nevertheless, I live. Yet not I, but Christ liveth in me. And the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. So it's not me It's the Christ life. It's Christ living through me. Do you know that in this salvation that Jesus bought for us, he didn't just buy fire insurance that you shove in your back pocket and you're gonna go to heaven someday. Oh, listen, that's glorious that I'm going to heaven. But do you know, he bought for me a relationship where I can walk with him every day, and he, if I will let him, will live through me. Now, ladies, let me ask you this. That's kind of a strange question. How'd you like to be married to Jesus? He'd be a pretty good husband, wouldn't he? In fact, he'd be the best husband that there could possibly be. Well, you know what, man? If we will let Jesus, Do what he wants to do, let it be the Christ life. And not us, but not I, but Christ life. You know what? Our wives can be married to Jesus. You know what? If our wives will do that, they can be all that God wants them to be too. You know, that God has planned for us, not just, you know, this grim life of a Christian where it's hard and you gotta do this and this and this. That's religion. He planned for you a walk, a relationship, a sweetness in him that enables you to do things you never thought you could do. Let me give you another passage, right? Galatians 5, 22 and 23. Galatians 5, 22, but the fruit of the Spirit, now the fruit of the Spirit is fruit that I bear because I'm yielded to the Spirit and filled with the Spirit. I don't have to concentrate on it. I don't have to focus on it. I don't have to make it happen. It's just fruit that I bear, because I'm walking in the Spirit. It happens in my life. My focus is on Him, and I'm walking with Him, and I'm enjoying walking with Jesus, and He's doing things in my life. Sometimes you won't even notice Him, but somebody will say to you, hey, you're different. You used to be such, but you're different now. And you notice it's the fruit of the spirit. I'm walking with him, and he's changing things in my life. There's power for you to change things. You don't think you can change right now, right? But the fruit of the spirit is love. Ah, how are you gonna love your wife? The fruit of the spirit. How are you gonna love your husband? The fruit of the spirit. The fruit of the spirit is love, joy. Do you know there's joy when you walk with God? And you enjoy Him. Now, it's not the joy where everything goes well for you and everything is right and you're just happy because the circumstances are right. It's a much deeper joy than that. It's a joy in spite of the circumstances around you. You can have joy. It's through the Spirit. Peace. Don't you long for peace? Oh, we long for peace. I can have peace. Listen, everything can fall apart, and it does from time to time, but you know what? You can have peace. Why? Because the spirit of God's in control. I'm not in control, but he's in control. And I haven't come to rest in yet. He's long-suffering. Don't we get so irritated with each other? And we're real good at being short-suffering. Somebody bothers me, and it's so easy to just cut loose and let fly at them. And I'm being short-suffering. That can really play havoc in your marriage, can't it? You get bent out of shape with each other all the time, and instead of your home being the oasis, the wonderful, quiet, nice place that God wants it to be and you want it to be, your home becomes a battleground. But the fruit of the Spirit fixes that gentleness. goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. Temperance is a wonderful thing. Temperance is self-control, but it's a fruit of the spirit, so it really is me being under control so that the spirit of God can control my life. It's a wonderful thing. Do you know that God has planned a great thing for us as far as our Christian lives are concerned? He has not left us to live it by ourselves. He says, walk in the Spirit, and you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. The victory over sin is when I walk in the Spirit. You see, God knows I'm not able. God knows by myself I'm a disaster. God knows I can't do it. But he didn't leave me to do it. He said, Dave, I'm going to give you a friend to walk with you. I'm going to give you a friend who knows, and who has the power to enable you to live the right kind of life. Just let him in. Let him in on salvation, and then let him in to control you, and you're going to find that he changes your life completely, because he changes you. He changes you. Now, we could look at other examples from the Bible as well, but I want to catch, just for you to catch this thought, that you may look at yourself tonight, you may find all the flaws, and there's flaws in every one of us. And you may look at your failures, you may think, oh, I failed in this area, that area, and the other area. But I want to tell you tonight that God has a plan for your life that includes giving you the power of his spirit to live differently and to show the world him in action and for you to be able in your home to provide all that God wants you to provide. And do you know our homes should be places for our children where they get nurtured? where they get cared for, where they feel safe, where they feel secure. You know what? I know a lot of homes that are not like that. And you know what? The best thing you can do for your children is not get them a college education. The best thing you can do for your children is not buy them the latest clothes, the latest games, is not provide them with All the things of the world. The best thing you can do for your kids is learn to walk in the Spirit. Learn to walk in the Spirit, because when you learn to walk in the Spirit, the power of God comes into your life and through your life into your home and changes your home. And isn't that what we all want? Isn't that what we want in our homes? We want our homes to be those special places. Number two, in verse 21 it says this, Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of the Lord. Now, that's a great first, because we're going to talk about submission for ladies in a moment. And I'm going to put my head in the lion's mouth, because I know in our day and age, that's not a very happy thought for a lot of ladies. But you know what? If you take it biblically, it's a sweet and wonderful thing. But the writer here starts off by saying, submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Do you know if your marriage is going to have to work? There's going to have to be a mutual submission. In other words, there's going to have to be a submission one to another. There's going to have to be a yield. You see, here's the thing. We're selfish creatures by nature. I want my own way. You want your own way. I want my own way. My wife wants her own way. My kids want their own way. Everybody wants their own way. And if we're all seeking to get our own way, what's going to happen is it's going to be a war zone. So there's got to be this wonderful thing called a mutual submission, where we're giving into each other. where we're yielding to each other, where we're seeking to do what's best in the situation and not seeking our own way. I want you to keep your finger there, and I want you to find Malachi. Malachi is the last book of the Old Testament. The last book of the Old Testament, and if you find Malachi chapter 2, And we're going to look at a mission for your marriage that's bigger than you, bigger than your wife, and bigger than your kids. Do you think God's got a plan for marriage? I have a daughter. She's my youngest daughter. She's a joy. And she's a blessing. She's been such a sweet kid. And she's about to get married. She's getting married in September. And she is in love. And I think it's wonderful. I mean, I was talking to his dad. His dad is in our church as well. Both families are in our church. And I was talking to his dad recently. His dad was just laughing. He was saying, they're so cute. He said, they will spend hours talking together, and then they'll leave, and immediately they're texting. They are just loving being around each other. He's going to wait for it. He had a trip planned with his siblings for some time, and he's away for 10 days. And she's just longing for the day when he gets back. That's kind of funny. Dad gets replaced very quickly. That's ahead of you. It's coming. But it's really cute. It's really wonderful. they're gonna have to get pre-marriage counseling. And I do pre-marriage counseling with couples all the time, right? And pre-marriage counseling is a really interesting thing because in pre-marriage counseling, what you do is you try and prepare a young couple for the problems they're going to encounter in marriage. But almost all of them have looked at me and they've said, effectively, you can see it in their eyes, they're saying to you, yeah, but you're old, you don't understand. We love each other so much that everything's gonna be perfect in our marriage. Now, they don't say that, because they know better than to say that, but you know that's what they're feeling. And in fact, here's what I've done. I've come to the place where I'll say to them, I'll give them the material, and I'll say to them, now look, take this material, we're going to go through it. It's not going to make any sense to you, whatever now. Six months from now, it's going to make a whole lot of sense, right? Six months from now, you're going to understand. Because you know what? Marriage is not all about the lovely feelings and the wonderful feelings. Marriage is actually something that you've got to work at. And here's something that we fail to understand. You see, when a couple comes together, they come together because they love each other, and they want to be together, and they want to enjoy each other, and all they can see is being in love forevermore. And they forget God's got a plan for this whole thing. Now look at Malachi, and you'll see God's plan for the whole thing, right? Look at verse 14 of Malachi chapter two. Yet ye say, wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously. Yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. Now, we're not dealing with this, but do you know that God hates divorce, and he wants us to treat each other right. He wants us in marriage to treat each other right. I think it cuts both ways, but he's talking to these people, and he's saying, don't deal treacherously with the wife of your youth. Okay, now, but that's not really what we're looking at here. Verse 15, and did he not make one? Right, so who made you one? By the way, do you know that God goes to every wedding? We went to a wedding recently, and it was my brother's daughter's family. We're not terribly close to them, but we went to the wedding, and we arrived at this wedding, right? And there we are, you know, I wanted to try and be a blessing. And it's a humanist wedding. I had no idea. We're sitting down. It's a humanist wedding. And I'm a pastor. I love God. Do I get up? Do I walk out? What do I do? And then I thought, well, they may have purposefully tried to exclude God, but he came anyway. Because weddings are actually a God thing. Marriage is a God thing, right? Let me read the rest of the verse to you here. And did he not make one? Yes, God made one. Yet had he the residue of the Spirit, and wherefore one? Why did he make one? Now catch it. That he might seek a godly seed. Do you know that God has a plan for my daughter and her young man as they look to get married? That's much bigger than their plan. Now, they're both Christians, and they have an idea of this, but that's not what they're feeling right now. God plans to bring them together, that he might have a godly seed. Now, we gotta deal with this, because this is real important as far as marriage is concerned. Do you know that God has a stake in my marriage? It's not about me. It's not about me being happy all the time. It's not about me getting my own way. If I go for getting my own way and push getting my own way all the time, I'm likely to blow my marriage up. My marriage is actually about God having a plan to have a godly seed. So I need to understand this. There's a much bigger mission in my marriage than me and my wife being happy. There's a God plan in the whole thing. There's God got a plan. Now look, God will never shortchange you. And when you submit yourself to his plan, you know what you're going to find? You're going to find the best marriage you could possibly have. But you've got to understand that it's bigger than you and you being happy. I was talking to a woman a couple of years ago, and I was dealing with her. She's not a Christian. Dealing with her with business. I actually was in the bank, and she was dealing with something for me. And she was just devastated. And she told me this. She said, my husband walked out. He said he doesn't love me anymore, and he walked out. And he had locked her to her very soul. Now, what was his thinking? His thinking was, I'm not happy, and I don't feel feelings of love anymore, so I'm walking. And that happens a lot in our culture and in our society. It's kind of acceptable for people to do in our culture and in our society. But you know what? God has a plan for your marriage that's bigger than you being happy. By the way, I don't believe he'd be any happier anywhere else. Because wherever he goes, he's going to bring the same problems with him. Well understand this, God has a plan for your marriage. And that plan is that he might raise a godly seed. That you might raise a godly seed for him. So here's what we need to do. There needs to be a mutual submission in the fear of the Lord. So we're gonna submit to God. God, you've got a plan for our marriage. And Lord, we're gonna submit to each other, because you've got a big plan. And when we do that, we're not shortchanged. We don't get less, we get more. Because God's always got the best plans. All right. Number three, Ephesians 5.22 says this. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Now, I realize these verses are fraught with difficulty for us in this day and age. And I realize You know, our culture and our society has effectively derailed these verses and said that that's ridiculous. But do you know that this is God's plan and God's plan always work. And let me say this to you in case you think that this is just the Apostle Paul and he was just, he just didn't like women and he wanted women under the thumb. Do you realize that Paul is writing these verses in a day when women were considered to be a possession of their husband? And he's going to tell husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. He's just told us there's supposed to be a mutual submission. Paul, in fact, elevated women incredibly in his day. But nonetheless, he's dealing with these verses. Let's work our way through this and understand this. First of all, there's a mutual submission, so we're not talking about the iron-fisted husband who comes in and lays down the law. What we've got is we've got a mission. The mission is to raise children for the Lord. We're both committed to that mission, and what we're gonna do is there's gonna have to be times when somebody makes the call, and that's Dad. Dad has to make the call. Now, ladies, I understand you're going to say, oh man, that's hard. You know, my husband's this, my husband's that, my husband. Listen, I understand men are not perfect. And men, let me say this to you. It's so important that we make it easy for our women to follow us. It's so important that we be the kind of men that make it easy for them to follow us. Because they've been asked to do something that goes against the sin nature completely. But we're supposed to help them, and enable them. Now, let me read, David Guzik says this, and let me read it to you. I think it'd be a help to you ladies, particularly. Submission does not mean inferiority. Submission does not mean silence. Submission means submission. There is a mission for the Christian marriage, and that mission is obeying and glorifying God. The wife says, I'm going to put myself under that mission. That mission is more important than my individual desires. I'm not putting myself below my husband, I'm putting myself below the mission God has for our marriage, for my life. Listen, that's helpful, isn't it? But what I'm saying is there's a mission for my marriage. God says this is how the mission is going to be carried out. This is how it's going to be accomplished. And so I'm going to put myself under that. I am going to yield myself. I'm going to go with my husband when there are times when, you know what, it's hard for me, but I'm going to yield myself in the situation because there's a greater cause. Let me give you an illustration of it. We've got children in this room. All these children were once babies. Do you know you were a baby once? Do you know you were a baby once? You were a baby once. And when you're a baby, you can do nothing for yourself. And when you're a baby, you wake up in the night and you want to be fed. And mom has to get out of the bed and feed you. And you got these things called nappies, and we won't even think about what happens in those nappies, right? But mom has to change those nappies sometimes in the middle of the night. And ladies, you learn to actually sacrifice for yourself for this mission as a course, as a part of the way it works. You learn to put the mission of raising the children above your own likes and desires, because you can't do it apart from that. Husbands, we need to learn to do it, too. We need to learn to help in those things, too. But what you're doing is you're saying, listen, we've got a mission. We've got something going on here. And I'm going to put my desires to one side so that I can actually fulfill the mission God has called. And now, by the way, we're not just slogging through life anymore now. Now we're in eternal territory where we're actually doing something that's huge. And mothers, let me say this. I think mothers rule the world effectively. I think mothers who sacrifice themselves for their children are some of the most wonderful people in the world, and I think there's gonna be great rewards for that. But part of that is you submitting yourself to the situation. There's gonna be times when a decision has to be made, and dad's gonna have to make that decision. And you're gonna have to go with him. And listen, he may be wrong, because he's not always right. He may actually get it wrong. I've gone against my wife a few times, and I've learned to regret it. I remember buying a car. And I was really enamored with this car. It looked like a really good car to me. And my wife hated the color of it, and she hated the car, and she didn't think I should buy it. But you know what? I knew better than she. And who cares what the color looks like anyway? But she really didn't like this car. You know what? After a few weeks, I agreed with her. I hated the car too, but I bought it now. I was stuck with it. Listen, she just had an intuition, man. You gotta be careful. You know what? If it's always a case where there's loggerheads and you're saying, well, I'm gonna make the decision on this, you're missing out on something. Because your best, your chief counselor is your wife, and she'll see things from a whole different side than you do, and that's good. You've got to take into account what she's saying in the situation because you need her input. All right, then number four, husbands love your wives. Ephesians 5.25, this is a longer section, so just look at it there. Ephesians 5.25 says, husbands love your wives even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, even as the Lord the Church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the Church. Nevertheless, let every one of you, in particular, so love his wife as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband." What's he talking about there? Man, he's talking about us loving our wives. And you say, why do we have to be told to love our wives? Because you know what? It's easy in the early stages for us to love. Because it's emotional. And we just have all these wonderful emotions. And that's easy. But you know what? In the cut and thrust of life, it can be much more difficult than just the feelings. And God tells us here to love our wives as Christ loved the church. How much did Christ love the church? Well, he loved it to death, didn't he? He died for the church. He sacrificed himself completely for the church. Now, let me catch on this, because I know lots of men, if I say this and this, well, I would die for my wife. But they won't talk to her. And the idea is that you're sacrificing yourself for someone else. You see, the wife is being asked to submit to a husband who's being asked to sacrifice himself for her. So it's easy to submit to somebody who's willing to yield what they want and they desire to bless you. It's very hard if you feel like the other part of the marriage is out to get all they want out of it, and it's not about you at all. So God says, I want you to love your wife as Christ also loved the church. So in other words, I want you to love her sacrificially. I want you to give yourself for her. I want you to sacrifice what you want, sacrifice the things you like doing sometimes. I want you to sacrifice. I want you to love her sacrificially. Then he gives you another picture. He says, love our wives as their own bodies. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourish it and cherish it even as the Lord of the church. We're very careful about our bodies, aren't we? I mean, the classic example, right? You're putting in nails, and you whack your thumb, right? Now, you don't say, stupid thumb, why did you get in the way of the hammer? You don't say, what you do is you take your thumb, and you mind it, and you'll suck it, and you'll take care of your thumb, and you'll run it under the water, maybe you'll get ice, because you know what? It's part of your body, and you feel the pain. Now God says we're to love our wives as we love our bodies. In other words, do you know that God made us one so that we're to feel their pain and we're to react to their pain as though it's our pain. We're to deal with the pain like that. That's a lot of love. Honestly, I don't have that kind of love in me. It's just not, I don't have that ability. And God says, that's the way he wants me to love her. So I'm to love her sacrificially. One writer said this, he said, agape, that's the love word we're talking about here, has to do with the mind. It is not simply an emotion which rises unbidden in our hearts. It is a principle by which we deliberately live. It's not just a feeling. You see, Hollywood is done as a dreadful disservice. What you've got in Hollywood is people fall in love and they live happily ever after. That doesn't happen in Hollywood, because they keep breaking up, don't they? But here's what they've done. They've told us that marriage is all about me feeling like I love somebody. Now, the truth and the reality is that that high emotion stage of a relationship is short-lived. That's a short part of this, they say maximum of two years at the high emotion stage of a relationship. But you're gonna say, you're gonna say that people stop loving each other and they still have to live together? No, that's not what I'm saying. But the high emotion will pass. And if you think that's what love is, you will feel like my friend that came in and told the girl in the bank, I don't love you anymore. I'm out of this relationship. It's not about that. It's about you committing yourself to somebody for life. Let's talk about the marriage ceremony for a second here. When you got married, wherever you went, you made a commitment to each other, didn't you? Now, the words may have been different, but the basic commitment is this. I promise to love you in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death us do part. Do you know there's no way out of that? Do you know that the wording is actually, tries to encompass everything in our lives? You don't make the commitment, at least in words, I promise to love you until the feelings stop. There's always the until death do us part. Why do we bring the funeral into the marriage ceremony? Because what we're doing is we're saying this is a commitment for life. And it's not just a commitment, it's actually a covenant. It's not a contract, I'll do if you do. It's a covenant. I promise to love you until death us do part. You know, that's a promise that's gonna cost you. That's a promise that's deeper than emotion. That's a promise that you have to come to a place where you actually decide, I wanna do this thing. I'm gonna do this thing. Young man wants to marry my daughter, right? You know, she thinks he's good looking, which is great. It doesn't bother me. But you know, there is one thing I wanna know. I wanna know, does this guy have the character to love my daughter by the way for life? I think he does. I think he's that kind of a kid. I think there's something in him that's just like that, because you know what? Right now she is the most wonderful woman that ever walked on the planet, as far as he's concerned. There is nobody that compares to her. But she won't always appear like that to him. In fact, right now she looks beautiful to him beyond measure. If God gives them 60 years of marriage, I guarantee it. When she's 83, she won't look the same. I guarantee it. Listen, there's absolutely no way. I guarantee that the feelings are gonna go up and down for them both. They wouldn't agree with us, and that's fine. But the feelings are gonna go up and down for them both. And you know what? It's not going to be based on how they feel on a given day. It's got to be based on the fact that they've made a covenant. Now here's what happens when you make the covenant and keep the covenant. The relationship grows sweeter as time goes by. Do you know what you and I want? We want to love and be loved. We want to know and be known. It's the deepest need in us. And the only place you can really get that relationship, humanly speaking, is in a committed marriage relationship. You know, so often I hear people say, marriage is just a piece of paper, we don't need to be married, we love each other. And marriage is just a piece of paper. And then you know what happens? Then they're gone. Okay, so obviously, the relationship is based on, has to have more to it than just we love each other. There's a covenant, there's a commitment. And when you make that covenant, it's important that you actually keep it. You see, it's a love that loves without changing. It's a self-giving love that gives without demanding or expecting repayment. You know, there's conceivably going to come a time when either Josh or my daughter Bethany will be sick. Very sick. So sick that they can't function in the marriage at all. I know of one couple and the lady got MS. And I think for 10 years, this man looked after his wife. Why? Because he'd made a covenant. Came to the place where she didn't even know him. Came to the place where she could give nothing. He still took care of her because he'd made a covenant. That's the kind of relationship we're talking about in marriage. We're talking about loving somebody without demanding or expecting repayment. It's a love so great that it can be given to the unlovable or the unappealing. Are there going to be times in a marriage where one party is unappealing for some reason? Yeah, that happens. But we're not released from the fact that we're supposed to love. We've made a covenant. It's a love that loves even when it is rejected. Agape love gives and loves because it wants to. It does not demand or expect repayment from the love given. It gives because it loves. It does not love in order to receive. It's the love God has for us. Now you say, I don't think I have it. I don't think you have it either. I know I don't have it. But I know who does have it. And his love working through me makes all the difference. And you see, we've got to come to grips with the reality of marriage. It's not just about two people making each other happy. That's way too small a project. It's about God working in two lives to raise a godly seed. And the benefits for you are the relationship that you've always longed for. Because you're yielding to him. And you're letting him work it out in your lives. Spirit-filled marriage in one verse would be verse 33. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Do you know that God made us both, and God knows how to work us? Do you know, ladies, that you respond to love? You say, no, I don't. You do. Because God said you do. He made you that way. Women respond to love. Man, if you would love your wife, you'd be amazed that she will respond to that love. It's amazing. I mean, you buy her flowers, you speak nice words to her, you tell her how much you care, and she'll respond. Now, look, I understand there can be hurt and there can be damage done that takes a while to overcome. But that principle is true, because that's what God says is true. But you know what? Men respond to reverence. They respond to being honored and respected. How do we know that? Because God says. Husbands, love your wife even as yourself. And wives, see that your reverend is your husband. And you know that if we will actually take what God says there and do it, it's amazing how well it works. God never gets it wrong. Now, let me say this. Man, I think we've knocked out the things that would stop you from loving your wife. It's not about anything you're getting in the situation. It's about you loving her because God loves you. Now, ladies, when it comes to reverencing your husband, I know this can be a difficult one. I know one woman, and I have told her so many times, if she would just honor him, he would lasso the moon for her. But she can't do it. She fights with him all the time, and she complains about him all the time. And you know what? They're constantly in a turmoil because of it. But you know, there's not a man in this room that doesn't have something good going on. That doesn't have something that you could actually honor him for. And if you would just ask God to help you, you could even make a list of the things that are good about him. And it'd be amazing how you could actually reverence your husband. And I guarantee you, if husbands, if you will decide, okay, I'm gonna love my wife. And wives of you would say, well, I'm going to reverence my husband. I guarantee you a huge improvement in your marriage. I guarantee you. You say it's impossible. Nothing's impossible with God. If you will do it, God will improve it. There's no way it won't happen. God will actually change it and improve it if you will just be willing to do it. And then number six. Now, the kids here, you've waited very patiently, right? But I've got something for you. All right? Ephesians 6.1 says, children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment, with promise, that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest live long on the earth. All right? Now, I got a bunch of really clever kids here in front of me, yeah? Sharp kids? I think you're pretty sharp. I've seen some of you kids in action. You girls back there, you pretty clever girls, yeah? Sort of clever. Not clever at all. OK. Somewhat clever. OK. Let me ask you this. Do you want a short, hard life or a long, good life? Hands up. How many want the short, hard life? None of you want a short, hard life? Do you guys want a short, hard life? Nobody wants a short, hard life. The verse that we just read is going to help us here. The verse that we just read is going to help us. Let me read it to you again. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest live long on the earth. A good, long life comes from obeying and honoring your mom and dad. That's kind of simple, isn't it? That's very straightforward. Now, is it true, though? You know, we've got men in the men's home in our addictions ministry, right? And I'll talk to them about these verses regularly, right? Now these men, normally, kind of the average age is about 15, they got addicted to drugs, and they're about 33, 35 when they come into the men's home, okay? So we're looking at 20 years of addiction. It's a horrible life. The life of an addict is an absolutely horrible life, and they know it. They wanted to die lots of times, because it was just so horrible. They spend their lives living for drugs. The only thing that matters is that I have enough drugs to make me feel okay the next day. So they spend their whole day, they'll spend looking for money to buy drugs, and then before they go to sleep at night, they have to find enough drugs that they have something to get them going the next day, and their whole lives are just consumed with that. They'll do whatever it takes, and they ruin relationships, they destroy relationships. And they just wreck their lives with it. They want to die. And finally, they come to the place where they're so fed up with life that they're willing to go into the men's home. And they're going to stay here in the men's home. And they're going to be told what time to get up in the morning. They're going to be told when to wash. They're going to be told when to dress. They're going to be told when to go to bed. They're going to be told what they can watch, what they can listen to. They're going to be told everything. Now, what happened? How did they become addicts? And I'll say this to them. It's because you didn't honor your mother and your father. And I'll say, your mommy told you not to do that, didn't she? And every one of them will say, yeah. And you learned to do your own thing and go your own way when you were young. And you didn't obey your mom and your dad. And the reason you're an addict is because you didn't obey your mom and your dad. And you know what happens? When they're 35, they have to learn to obey. They have to learn to do what they're told. It's dreadful. They're men. And they know it's the only way out. They've got to learn. So they start learning to do what they're told. Now, you know what? And they'll all agree with me. Wouldn't it be much easier to learn to do what you're told when you're five and six and seven and eight? Wouldn't it be much easier to learn then than to learn when you're 35 and have 20 years of misery in the meantime? Wouldn't that be much easier? You see, God knows what he's talking about. Now, I want you to look at these verses again, right? It says, children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with thee and that thou mayest live long on the earth. Does it say anything about whether your parents deserve to be obeyed or not? No. It just says obey them. You don't get to judge your parents and decide whether they're worthy of being obeying or not. You're just supposed to obey them. You're supposed to do what you're told. You're supposed to learn to say yes to your mother and yes to your father and do what you're told. Now look, do you know your parents are not perfect? No parents are perfect. I'm not a perfect parent, but there are no perfect families. Every family's got its issues and got its problems because we live in a sin-cursed world and we're all sinners saved by grace. But you know what God says? God says if you will obey, and honor your mother and father. I promise you, I will give you a long, happy life. Now, do you know what the opposite to a long, happy life is? It's a short, miserable life. Do you know when the man came into the man's home? Do you know one of the things that drives them into the man's home? They have so many friends that are dead that didn't make it. They will tell you, well, we buried so-and-so this time last year, and we buried, and he's dead, and he's dead, and he's dead, and she's dead. And they will give you a list of people that are dead. Now, why? Because they didn't obey the moms and dads. You say, that's too simple. No, God's very simple in the things he tells us to do. But you know what? If you'll obey God, You'll find that it might look simple. It might sound simple. But you'll find that it works. You'll find that God knows what he's talking about and it works. Now, here we have, how many kids do we have? How many young people do we have in here? We have four. We have 15. Somewhere about 15 young people in here tonight. Now, what do you think the chances are that somebody's gonna be dumb enough to disobey their parents, go their own way, and do their own thing, and end up wrecking their life. Do you know any kids that have done that? You do, don't you? Listen, please don't. Please don't do that. Please learn to submit and obey in your home. And parents, help them. We live in a day and age when everybody wants to be friends and parents want to be friends with their kids. Listen, look, I'm great friends with my son Oriel now. We weren't friends when he was ten. We weren't friends when he was six. I was dad and he was the kid and he had to do what he was told. And you know, in our day and age, there's this wanting to be friends and so we want to kind of break down the barriers and we want basically our kids to like us so we don't exercise the place of parent in their lives by telling them what to do and expecting that they're going to do what they're told. Listen, your kids may not like you now if you tell them what to do and make them do it, but do you know there will come a day when they will say, thank you so much. Thank you for being a blessing in my life. Thank you for actually being a parent to me. But you've got to be the dad. You've got to be the mother in this. You've got to be careful. The next verse says, provoke not your children to wrath. And listen, that's important, that you don't actually ruin your kids by being too harsh and too mean and not spirit-filled. You don't want to hurt your kids. But you know what? The best thing you can teach your little ones is to honor and obey you. Mom, teach them to honor and obey Dad. Dad, teach them to honor and obey Mom. Get your child. Talk to your child. By the way, when you deal with your child, you're normally dealing with your child because the child's out of control. Yeah? Child's out of control, and the child's doing something stupid. Because you know what? Foolishness is found in the heart of a child. Just expect that to happen. You've got to correct it. But just understand that your child's gonna do foolish things. Here's what I see happening very often. Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. The parent sees it and they go ballistic. And you know what the child sees? Hey, you're out of control too. Ain't no point in you trying to teach the child to control themselves if you can't control yourself. It's not going to happen. You've got to be under control. Now, how are you going to be under control? Well, you know what? Back to our beginning, you've got to be filled with the spirit. That's the only way. If you've got enough stuff driving around inside you that's driving you the wrong direction, that you know what? In order for you to actually get it to the place where you can teach your children to control themselves, you need to be controlled by him. You need to be drawing your power from him. Listen. Look, there's a lot of failure in families out there. And there's a lot of hopelessness. As people look at their families and they think, nobody can do it in this day and age, and it's impossible in this day and age. Listen, it's not that complicated. The truth is you can't. But there is one who's willing to make a power available to you to enable you to do it. Do you know the question is always, Are you willing? God knows you can't. Are you willing? Steve Carrington, man who started the addictions ministry that we're attached to, he's an American guy, but he said this. He said, don't ask an addict, do they have the willpower? He said, they don't have the willpower. They've ruined all their willpower, whatever they had. Tell them this, if they're willing, God has the power. Now here's the thing for you and I. I can't raise a family. I can't love my wife. I can't be a pastor. But I'm willing. I'm willing. And if I'm willing, he has the power. And you know how it works. It's amazing. God made us to need Him every day for the rest of our lives. And when I yield myself to Him, first of all in salvation, second of all letting Him control, letting the Spirit of God control my life, then He steps in and He works miracles. Do you know you can have the home that you always longed for and wanted. You can have that hope. It's not about, well, you're not able. God knows that. It's about what you're not able for, he is able for. The question is, are you willing? Are you willing to surrender yourself, your pride, your way, and say, I want it your way? I hope you will, because the benefits are beyond anything you can imagine. Yield your life to him, and let him take and do what only he can do. That's a powerful prayer. Father, we thank you for this evening. Thank you, Lord, for these that have come to listen. And oh, Lord, I pray that you would take and you would work in hearts tonight, Lord, so that there would be changes that would have an impact on eternity, and that would impact the children that are here, and the children that are to come too, Lord, grandchildren, and Lord, that there would be an impact that would be felt in eternity because of what you're doing in hearts and lives tonight, in Jesus' name.