Ephesians chapter 1 and verse 7. Tonight is going to be our final message on this theme of countering the culture. Many of you have responded very favorably to this series and I almost hate to see it end. I think we could preach forever about what our homes need. I know as a husband or as a father, I need all the preaching and help I can get, certainly in this area. And I'm sure you feel the same way. Tonight, we're going to deal with a subject that you can see by the title there, basically what it is. I said this morning that I believe the matter we're going to touch upon tonight is the primary cause why our families struggle the way they do. And you may look at this and say, well, I don't have a problem there. I think most of us have a problem here. I think I do. I think you do. I think most of us do. And I just never cease to be amazed. I was sharing a little bit with the fellows at the prayer breakfast yesterday how that Christian people Really don't forgive one another. And you see it more if you're in a church for a long time. It's a little more clearly seen. That's why most pastors, by the way, leave churches after about three years. It's a lot easier. It's a lot easier. And they just go someplace else. It takes about three years for people to get to know you real good and to know all your faults. And Christian people, we're real good about saying, I forgive you with our lips, but not really forgiving in the heart. And I believe that unforgiveness towards family members is one of the primary reasons our families struggle. Do you ever feel like God's not answering your prayers when it comes to your family? You pray and you pray and you pray and nothing seems to happen? I believe one reason nothing seems to happen is because God sees the unforgiveness in our hearts. And he turns away. He does not hear our prayers. We've talked a lot for the last month about what you can do to help your family counter the culture. There's nothing we're going to say that we have said that's more important than what we're going to say tonight. My guess would be somewhere close to half of us in this room, maybe more, really need to do something about the message, the subject we're going to look at tonight. So I don't want you to sit there and think about, well, he needs to hear it, or she needs to hear it, or I wish so-and-so was here. I want you to look at your own heart and see if this applies to you. In a few moments, we're going to receive communion. And among other things, communion reminds us of God's loving forgiveness We take the bread and the juice and in just a moment we're going to be reminded that God's Son shed His blood to purchase our salvation and our forgiveness. Look at Ephesians 1 and verse 7. The Bible says, "...in Him..." That is Jesus. We have redemption. Deliverance. Release from sin. How? Through His blood. You see, without the shedding of blood, there's no forgiveness. God's justice demanded a payment for our sins. The payment that was demanded was the blood of Jesus Christ. And the result of His shedding His blood, look at verse 7, the forgiveness of sins. Look at the word forgiveness. The forgiveness of sins. Your sin debt was canceled, covered, wiped out. You were let off God's hook. It's what it literally means. Your sin debt was canceled. And look at the end of the verse. It was all by God's grace. in accordance with the riches of God's grace that He lavished on us. Isn't that wonderful? If you were here Wednesday night, we talked about the riches of God's grace. Look at that verse again. In Him, Jesus, we have redemption, deliverance. Through His blood, the forgiveness of sins according to the riches of His grace which He has lavished upon us. In a moment, we're going to partake of that which reminds us of His body and His blood which was spilled out for us, poured out for us, for our forgiveness. Yet sadly, many of us are going to remember His forgiveness for us without being willing to forgive others. In many cases, people in our own families. Now you think about that for a second. In a moment, the little plate is going to pass by in front of you and you're going to pick out a little wafer which reminds you of the broken body of Christ and you're going to take a cup with one swallow of grape juice in it, which reminds you of the blood of Jesus, which was broken and spilled out for your forgiveness. You're going to take that bread and put it in your mouth and you're going to take that cup and swallow the contents. And in so doing, what you're really saying is, God, I thank You for forgiving me even though in my heart I'm refusing to forgive somebody else. Does that seem a little wrong to you? Say amen if it does. Doesn't it seem strange that we can sit here and thank God for His forgiveness for us? Thank Him for forgiving us when deep in our hearts we've not forgiven somebody else? And in many cases, it's a member of our own family. Do you need to forgive your parents tonight for something? Maybe it's an uncle or an aunt. Maybe it was an uncle that molested you when you were a child. Maybe it was a cousin, a big brother. Is it your sister you need to forgive? Is it your children? Is it your husband, your wife, your ex? Is it a mother-in-law? Is it a son-in-law? A daughter-in-law? Is there somebody in your family, maybe not your immediate family, maybe your church family that you need to forgive? Have you forgiven them? Will you forgive them? That's the real question. Will you forgive them? I'm told the Chinese have a torture that's called the torture of a thousand cuts. Instead of killing the victim with one mighty thrust of a sword, They strap the victim down and with a knife or a sharp razor, they make a thousand one to two inch cuts in the body, one thousand of them. Instead of the victim dying quickly, suddenly with the one thrust of the sword through his midsection, the one thousand slashes all over his body causes him to slowly seep to death. Did you know a lot of relationships, family relationships, die the same way? A single cutting remark here, a sharp statement there. Not one of the cuts are fatal alone, but the cumulative effect of them all, the end result is the death of that relationship. How many of you are married tonight? Can I see your hands? How many of you wish you were married? How many wish you were not married? If you've been married long at all, you're aware of the need to be forgiving. I heard of one fellow that had been married three months. He went back to see his pastor. He said, Pastor, I know I took her for better or worse, but it's a whole lot worse than I ever thought it would be. You see, we don't see eye to eye, husbands and wives. We're different. If I can use a source other than the Bible, Jack Spratt could eat no fat. His wife could eat no lean. They were different, weren't they? And sometimes our differences lead to unkind words and actions and the harmony in our home is broken. And when that happens, We've got to be willing to forgive. If we're not willing to forgive, the relationship remains broken and in time there's bad results in the home for everybody. And when that relationship is damaged, when it's broken, listen to me, before there can be healing, there must be forgiveness. Forgiveness precedes the healing. The forgiveness comes first. The forgiveness is followed by the healing. Yet, we have a hard time forgiving, don't we? Dr. R. Loftin Hudson, who authored the book, Till Divorce Do Us Part, says, Forgiveness is rare in this world, especially in the home. People forgive imperfectly as we do everything else. He went on to say, listen to this, here's an authority on marriage. He said, anger and hate are the two leading causes of divorce. Both of which could be neutralized with genuine forgiveness. I've shared with you this month, I believe one of the most damaging things that happened to our children is when a husband and wife do not love each other and get along. And what this fellow is saying, the two main reasons husbands and wives don't get along with each other, the main reason is unforgiveness. You see, when kids turn out rebellious, it can usually be traced. Not always. Sometimes it's just a matter of their old sinful self-will. But oftentimes it can be traced to a problem in the home. But when you look at the problem in the home, sometimes we say, well, it's an abusive father or it's a dominating mother. But if you get really down beneath the surface and really look at the root causes, oftentimes you'll find that the real underlying problem is unforgiveness in somebody's heart. Did you know unforgiveness leads to bitterness? Did you know Hebrew says that bitterness defiles relationships? You get tired of living with a bitter old man or a bitter old woman. It makes everybody miserable. And it ruins the relationships. It ruins the home. Hate and anger lead to more divorces than anything else. And both could be neutralized by genuine forgiveness. I heard a pastor joking about a couple he married. He wasn't serious. He was joking. He said, I married this couple. He said, when they got married, I told them, don't go to bed until your arguments are settled. He said, six months later, they both died of exhaustion. They hadn't had a good night's sleep in six months. The truth is, some of us would rather die than to forgive each other. Two things tonight. Number one, forgive. What does it mean to forgive? To forgive someone means to let them off your hook. They owe you, they did you wrong, forgive them, let them off the hook. Now, you're not letting them off God's hook. That's between them and God. You let them off your hook. You let God be their judge. Don't you be their judge. Don't you stand in judgment of them. You say, oh, but they really hurt me. They deserve. Well, wait a minute. Maybe they did really hurt you. Maybe they do deserve everything. You can get them in a whole lot more. But you're not their judge. God is their judge. You're not their creator. God is their creator. Let God be the one that judges them. And if they're going to stay on somebody's hook, let it be God's hook and let God be the one that determines whether they stayed there or not. You just let them off your hook. You just cancel out the dead and let them go free. Your family, your one, forgive. Do so freely and graciously, like Christ. You say, I can't. No, you won't. Turn over in your Bibles a couple of pages to Philippians chapter 4, verse 13. It is not biblical to say, I can't forgive. Because you can forgive. Philippians 4.13 tells me you can forgive. In fact, you can do all things that are right to do through Christ. Do you see it? Philippians 4.13. It is not right to say, I cannot forgive. It is more accurate to say, I refuse to forgive. I won't forgive. If you hold on to those past hurts and resentments, if you don't quickly forgive, the bitterness will develop and lead to a breakdown in a loving relationship. You say, but it's so hard to forgive. Well, yes, it is hard. That I'll admit. But hard does not mean it's impossible. With God, nothing is impossible. And God can give you the strength and God can help you to forgive if you really want to forgive. What you've got to do is go to God sincerely and tell God, honestly, God, I'm having a hard time with this. Help me. And I believe He will. Look at your sheet there, 1 John 5. This is the confidence we have in approaching God, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us whatsoever we ask, we know that we have what we asked of Him. Look back at verse 14. Is it God's will for you to forgive those who have offended you? Say amen if you believe it is. Do you believe that? Do you believe it's God's will for you to forgive? Verse 14 says there, if you ask anything according to His will, He will hear you. And verse 15 says, if you hear Him, then you can have the confidence of knowing that you will have what you asked of Him. In other words, if you will go to God sincerely and say, God, I really want to be able to forgive because You want me to forgive. Not because I care about the person so much, but because I care about You. I love you and you have told me to forgive. God, it is your will for me to forgive. So God, I'm asking you to help me to find forgiveness in my heart for that individual. If you will go to God sincerely, humbly, and ask God to help you forgive others, God will hear that prayer and God will answer in time. God will answer that prayer. He's willing if you're willing. Are you willing? He's willing. Are you willing? I heard the story of a man that, a Christian man and woman, he got involved with another woman. And he had an affair and he lived in guilt. Finally, he got the courage up to confess what he had done to his wife. He knew she would get angry. He knew it would probably mean the end of his marriage. But he could not stand living a lie any longer. He just had to make it right. He had to confess it. Listen to what he said about the confession. I quote, She sat with head in hands until it was all out. She looked up at me and asked, Is it really true? Yes, I said. There was silence. She stood. She stepped behind me. She touched my hair. I looked into her eyes and saw tears. And here is what she said. I forgive you. Let's start over from here. Let's go on with our lives together. Forgiveness is our only hope if we are going to live our lives together. The man said he was overwhelmed by that response. He did not expect such a response. He said that was when the healing of our relationship began. Forgiveness precedes the healing. Is your home broken tonight? Could it be that you're harboring stuff in your heart that you need to forgive? Could it be that step number one in countering the culture and having the kind of home God wants you to have, could it be that step number one is offering forgiveness to that family member who has hurt you so badly? Let them off the hook. Forgive. Forgive. Here's what really gets hard. Even if they do not ask for forgiveness. I want you to look at Luke 23. An amazing passage. Jesus is hanging on the cross. Two other men, both criminals, were also let out with Him to be executed. Luke 23. When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified Him along with the criminals, one on His right, the other on His left. Alright? He's crucified. What does He say? Verse 34. Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. Now wait a minute. Stop right there. Nobody's asked Him for forgiveness. There's people all around. Nobody said to Jesus, oh, we're so sorry for crucifying You. Not one person has asked for forgiveness and yet He offers it anyway. You've often heard myself and other preachers say to forgive is divine because Christ offered forgiveness on the cross. That is true, but that's not all Christ did. Christ not only offered forgiveness from the cross, but He offered forgiveness from the cross before anyone asked for the forgiveness. Well, if they would just come to me and tell me they're sorry, I'd forgive them. That's not divine. That's not Christ-like. Christ-likeness says, I forgive you even though you don't want the forgiveness. Even though you've not asked me for it. What happened after he said, Father, forgive them? Verse 34. He said, boy, when He offered that forgiveness, I bet it brought them back, right? Not hardly. They divided up His clothes by casting lots. Well, maybe the people accepted. Maybe the people got right. Look at verse 35. The people stood watching. Didn't affect them a bit. And the rulers sneered at him. They said he saved others. Let him save himself if he's a Christ of God, the chosen one. How about the soldiers? They also came up and mocked him. They offered him wine, vinegar and said, if you're the king of the Jews, save yourself. They put a written notice overhead in verse 39. Even the criminals, one of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him. Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us. Not a one of them asked for forgiveness until the second thief later. The thief, the soldiers, the people, the rulers, those passing by. None of them asked for forgiveness, yet he offered it anyway. So what am I saying tonight? A family member that's hurt you, and they get a chance they're going to hurt you again. What do you do? You forgive them. Even though they haven't asked for it? Yes. By the way, sometimes people don't ask for forgiveness because they don't realize they've hurt us. Do you notice how every two snowflakes are different? No two are alike and people are the same way. We're all different. And some of us, our feelings get hurt very easily. And our hearts are very tender. And people can say things that hurt us. They hurt us very deeply. Their words penetrate our hearts like a dagger or like an ice pick. They may not even have the slightest idea that they hurt us. And so every time we see that person or think of that person, we think of the words, we think of the hurt, we think of the pain that they inflicted upon us. And it bothers us that they've never come to us and said, will you forgive me? But for many of these people, they don't even know that they've hurt us. I believe there are many folks that would be willing to say, would you forgive me if they only knew that they had done us damage? There are people in this room, brothers and sisters who have been kicked around verbally all their lives. You're a lot like that little puppy that was kicked so much growing up. He just kept his tail between his legs long after he stopped being kicked. Have you ever seen a little puppy or little dog that's been kicked around so much that when he would just keep his tail between his legs and his head hanging low? There's a lot of brothers and sisters in Christ that have been that have been hurt so much and abused so much verbally. They've been bruised so much. They have so many memories of so much pain and hurt and cutting remarks in their hearts that they're like that little puppy. If you're that little puppy, healing is not going to come until you forgive. You've got to forgive that Master that kicked you, even though He's not asked for it. If you and I are the ones doing the kicking, then we need to understand that we're hurting people that God loves. We need to stop kicking. Dear Christian, are you willing to forgive that family member, even if they don't ask for it? Look at your Scripture sheet, 1 Corinthians 13. Look what Paul wrote about true love. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. And it keeps no record of wrongs. That's true love, charity. The Bible says charity, rather than thinking constantly about the wrong that was done to you, the hurt that was inflicted upon you, the dagger that was stuck in your heart, true love takes the dagger, pulls it out and drops it. True love keeps no record of wrong. See, what we want to do is either walk around with a dagger in our hearts, remembering the herd, or we want to pull the dagger out and throw it back. True love pulls the dagger out and forgets it, lets it go. Jesus said in Matthew 5, I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you. So pull out the dagger. Let the wound heal. Somebody said to return evil for good, that's what Satan does. To return evil for evil, that's what man does. To return good for evil, that's what God does. And that's what God's children should do too. Some of us need to go home tonight. In fact, turn over a page in your Bible. Ephesians 4 verse 32. Here's what some of us need to do tonight before we take communion. Verse 31, get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice and be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you. What happens when you do that? You're going to find healing coming into your home. Turn over to James 5 verse 6. Or verse 16 rather. Confess your sins to each other. and pray for each other so that you may be healed." You know, that verse is often used to refer to physical healing, but the more I've studied it, though I believe God does heal physically, I don't believe that's what it's talking about there. I believe it's talking about emotional healing, psychological healing. Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Some of us need to go home and confess our sins to somebody else, maybe an inner family member, maybe a distant family member, maybe a friend, a neighbor. We need to confess our sins. We need to say, I'm sorry for what I did or I forgive you for what you did to me. And when we finally let them off the hook, when we finally win that victory, we're going to find, verse 16, that the healing begins to come. Our families, our homes are going to be healed. They're going to be stronger. We're going to be in a position to counter that culture that we find ourselves living in tonight. He's a riot. When you get to know him, he's a nice fellow. A few months ago, he came to Grace Church. Another couple that I don't think were even believers at the time invited him. It just so happened that I preached on forgiveness that morning. He wrote on his care card, I remember reading it, he wrote on his care card, I'm struggling with being able to forgive. I'd like to talk to you. I called him on the phone and I said, sure, let's meet next Sunday. It was during the Sunday school hour and it was one of those Sundays where every class had somebody in it. We couldn't find any place to meet except back in the workroom. So I took him back in the workroom and we talked for a while. And as people often do, he just poured out his heart and he began confessing things. He told me that he had lived a life of homosexuality for years. He said he knew it was wrong. He said he wanted God's forgiveness. And I said, well, let's pray. And he said, I can't pray. And I said, why not? He said, because I've got unforgiveness in my heart. And I don't believe God would hear the prayer. I said, you're right. He won't. I said, who are you harboring unforgiveness towards? And he said, it's my uncle who started me on this life. He repeatedly molested me as a little boy. And you could see the anger just swelling up and that he got tense and angry and he began telling me about all the horrible experiences he had had in his life as a quote-unquote gay man. And by the way, that's the greatest misnomer I've ever heard, to call them gay. For I've met very few that have gaiety just flowing out of their hearts. And he kept talking about this uncle that he just took me and I was a little bitty boy and I didn't know what he was doing. And he kept, he repeatedly molested me and abused me. And he told how this relationship had been ruined and that relationship and this one and that one and the other one and how he hadn't talked to his mother in years. I'll call him John. I said, I showed him in Hebrews. I said, John, the bitter because you've refused, you've refused to forgive your uncle. Your heart's filled with bitterness and that bitterness has caused every relationship you've come into to be ruined. You are not going to have these relationships restored, nor are you going to have peace in your heart, nor forgiveness from God until you're willing to forgive that uncle. As horrible of a thing as it was that he did to you, you've got to be willing to forgive him. And you know what John did? With tears just literally streaming down his face, he bowed his head and he prayed. He said, oh, God, the best I know how I forgive uncle so and so. Please come into my life and forgive me." That was probably about six months ago. A couple of months ago, I was talking to him and I said, how's it going spiritually? He said, oh, better than ever. He said, I've stayed straight since that day in the office. He said the gay men in town will call me He said, I just keep telling them I've given my heart to Jesus. I don't do that anymore. Isn't that wonderful? I've given my heart to Jesus. I don't do that anymore. And he said, my relationship with my mother is restored. I can talk to her now. He listed several other relatives, family members that he hadn't spoken to for years. And the relationship is being gradually restored. Ladies and gentlemen, forgiveness comes first. The healing of the home follows. Now you listen very closely when I'm done. In a moment, we're going to pass the plates. We're going to thank God for His Son shedding His blood for our forgiveness. Does it not make sense to you that while we're remembering His forgiveness for us, we must be willing to forgive those who have sinned against us. We have a little tradition here at Grace Church. Before we receive communion, we take a few moments to silently pray and examine our hearts. I want us to do that tonight. But I want you to examine your heart like you never have before. I want you to look deep within your heart and I want you to be real honest and ask yourself, am I harboring any resentment towards anybody in the world? It may not be a family member. It may be a boss or an ex-boss or whoever. And if you can think, if any face pops into your mind when you ask yourself that question, if any name or face pops into your mind, the very fact that name or face popped into your mind, you probably have not totally forgiven them. You need tonight to spray this prayer as you sit there. Oh, God, as best I know how, as best I understand how, for this moment, I take them off my hook. I release them. I let them go. Whether they want the forgiveness, whether they ask for the forgiveness or not, I forgive them. Now this time tomorrow, the old devil may attack your mind again and put a temptation in your mind to harbor bitterness towards them all over again. You may have to pray the same prayer again tomorrow. You may have to pray the same prayer again the next day and the next day and the next day until Satan realizes you're not going to harbor bitterness towards that person. But will you start the process tonight? Let's bow our heads, please. I ask you again, is there anyone in this world that you've not totally forgiven? Anyone, especially someone in your family. Will you, the best you know how, forgive them tonight? Let them off your hook. Examine your heart.