have been replaced with pride, apathy, indifference, selfishness, bitterness, impatience, and a lack of perseverance. Many marriages end by simply giving up. It's clear that the influence of the world has crept into the church. There are many churches today who practice and embrace unbiblical views regarding marriage, and they promote individualism, and male chauvinism, and pragmatism, and feminism, and psychological error. For many, these unbiblical ideas have greatly influenced marriage. And the result has been disastrous. Marriages within the church are often just as likely to fail as those outside of the church. The statistics are horrendous. And the reason why so many Christian marriages fail is a lack of knowledge, a lack of knowledge. So as a husband, what do I need to do? What do I need to know in order to fulfill God's purpose in marriage? If I am commanded to live with my wife in an understanding way, if I am commanded to live with my wife according to knowledge, what is it that I need to know? What specific instruction does the Word of God provide? Well, it provides a lot. Husbands, this is very important, so please take note. The relationship that you have with your bride should reflect and mirror the relationship of the Lord Jesus Christ and His bride, the Church. Again, the relationship that you have with your bride should reflect and mirror the relationship of the Lord Jesus Christ and His bride, the church. This is the key to a biblical marriage. And this picture, Christ and the church, is to be our primary focus. Everything you need to know about marriage, everything you need to know about your role as a husband, everything you need to know about how to interact with your wife, and how you must treat your wife can be learned by observing the relationship between the Lord Jesus Christ and the church. For example, turn with me to the book of Ephesians. Ephesians chapter five, verses 25 to 33. Now this passage is a sermon series in itself. But I want to briefly point out three ways in which the Lord Jesus Christ interacts with the church. And thus, there are three ways in which husbands are to interact with their wives. All husbands are commanded to live with their wives according to knowledge. And here, we see precisely what is meant. Ephesians chapter five, verses 25 to 33. Husbands. Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound. And I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respect her husband. The first way in which husbands are to live with their wives, according to knowledge, is to love their wives sacrificially, with sacrificial love. Ephesians 5.25, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. The Lord Jesus Christ gave himself up for the church. The Lord Jesus Christ sacrificially gave himself up for the church. The Lord Jesus Christ made the greatest and the highest sacrifice for the church. He gave up his life upon the cross for the church. 1 Corinthians 15.3, for I deliver to you as a first importance what I also received, that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the scriptures, that he was buried and that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the scriptures. Galatians 3.13, Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us. For it is written, cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree. The Lord Jesus Christ, who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped. He willingly gave up his high and exalted position and he emptied himself. He emptied himself by taking the form of a servant. He was born in the likeness of men. And then he further humbles himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. The Lord Jesus Christ willingly took upon himself our guilt, our shame, our sin, so that we might be redeemed, so that we might be reconciled to the Lord God. The Lord Jesus Christ made the greatest and the highest sacrifice for those who were the least and the lowest. He made this sacrifice for those who did not seek Him. He made this sacrifice for those who were His enemies. He made this sacrifice for those who were openly hostile and rebellious against Him. Romans 5.8, but God. shows His love for us, and that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. The Lord Jesus Christ sacrificially loved the church, and He made the ultimate sacrifice, not for the lovely, and not for the worthy, and not for the godly, but for the unlovely, the unworthy, and the ungodly. The Lord Jesus Christ recognized our greatest need and he delivered the highest good for us at the most infinitely high cost, his life. Husbands, your wives will never be as ugly and as sinful as you were prior to your salvation. Husbands, your wives will never be as foul and offensive as you were to the Lord God. And if the Lord Jesus Christ was able to sacrificially love you and sacrificially give himself up for you, then you should be able to sacrificially do the same. Husbands, the Lord God commands you to love your wife. You are able. You are equipped and you must sacrificially give yourself up for your wife. You must love your wife in a sacrificial manner. You must put the needs of your wife in front of your own needs. You must put the desires of your wife in front of your own desires. Husbands, you must give preference to your wives. You must have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus. The pattern and the example of the Lord Jesus Christ and His sacrificial love for you demands it. The second way in which husbands are to love their wives is with a purifying love, a purifying love. Ephesians 5, 26 and 27, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Why did the Lord Jesus Christ give himself up for the church? so that he might sanctify her, so that he might cleanse her, so that he might purify her, so that he might present her to himself in holiness, without spot and without blemish. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree. 1 Peter 2.24, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. Purifying love wants only the best for the ones it loves. Purifying love can have no hint of corruption. It can have no hint of anything evil or impure. The goal of purifying love is a purified life. And for husbands, the goal is a purified wife. Husbands, just as the Lord Jesus Christ is not content with your sin and your impurity, just as the Lord Jesus Christ seeks to cleanse you and sanctify you by washing you with his word, so you must seek the moral purity of your wife. Husbands, you need to cleanse your wives by the purifying agent of the Word of God. You must prayerfully and thoughtfully minister the Word of God to her in any and every circumstance. Husbands, you must seek to purify your wives and to protect them from the influence of the world and from any other sort of defilement. This means that you will seek out her best, her spiritual best. This means that you will never encourage her to do that which is wrong or for her to do that which is contrary to the word of God. You will not return evil for evil, but you will do everything in your power to present her to the Lord God in holiness without spot and without blemish. This one has been a tough one for me. I've struggled with loving my wife in a purifying manner for many years. I tend to provoke. I tend to stir up, often in an ungodly manner. I have to work very hard at loving my wife in a way that grows her in her godliness, because quite frankly, many times, it is my behavior that is the cause of her sin. It is my lack of leadership, my lack of consideration, my lack of selflessness, my lack of sacrificial love that often results in a sinful response on her part. The act of loving your wife in a purifying manner requires that you walk in a purifying manner. It requires that you walk closely with the Lord God. Husbands, you must lead by example. You must live by example. Do not give your wives any cause to doubt or to stumble or to fall into sin. And if you do see sin or some other spiritual shortcoming in your wife, you need to come alongside her and humbly and graciously wash her with the Word of God. You need to gently and lovingly point out what the Word of God says and then help her walk in its truth. If you lose your temper at her sin, if you get angry with her, if you get frustrated, if you get sarcastic with her, then you run the risk of pushing her farther into her own sin and farther into her rebellion against the Lord God, which is the opposite of what the Lord God is commanding you to do. You must seek out the purity of your wife. You must love her with a cleansing and purifying love, a love that seeks after her holiness. The third way in which husbands are to love their wives is with a gentle and caring love. A love that recognizes that you are one flesh with her. Ephesians 5, 28. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it. just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." The Lord Jesus Christ is the head of the church, and the church is the body of the Lord Jesus Christ. The reason why the Lord God provides and cares for the church is because the church is His body. In the same way, husbands are the head of their wives. Husband and wives are one flesh, and it is the responsibility of the husband to provide care for his wife. Husbands must nourish and cherish their wives because they are no longer two, but one flesh. John MacArthur remarked, to nourish a wife is to provide for her needs, to give her that which helps her grow and mature in favor with God and man. To cherish her is to use tender love and physical affection to give her warmth, comfort, protection, and security. Husbands, do you love your wives in this manner? Do you nourish her? Do you provide for her? Do you provide for her needs? Not just the needs that you think are important, but for the needs that she deems important. Do you help her in her walk with God? Do you encourage her to grow in her walk with God? Is your wife growing in her walk with God? Do you cherish your wife? Are you warm and gentle to her? Are you a comfort to her? Are you sensitive to her in your speech? Are you tender towards her in your actions? Are you affectionate? Are you compassionate towards your wife? There are far too many husbands who fail in this area. And rather than warmth and gentleness and affection, many wives live with the exact opposite. Husbands who are distant and cold and harsh. Brothers, you need to pay attention to your wives. You have to pay close attention to her needs, all of her needs, her physical needs, her emotional needs, her spiritual needs. You must care for her, you must nourish her, you must cherish her, just as you would your own body. Husbands, what do you do when you get tired? You go to bed. What do you do when you get sick? You go to the doctor. You take medicine. What do you do when you're thirsty? You get a drink of water. What do you do when you're hungry? You get something to eat. What do you do when your tooth starts to ache? You go to the dentist. Do you have any problems or hesitations in fulfilling any one of these needs? No. Why is that? It's because you love your body. It's because you don't like to be in pain. Because you don't like to be in discomfort. And what would happen if you failed to listen to your physical body? What would happen if you ignored all of these requests? Well, you're going to be tired, sick, thirsty, hungry, and have a real bad toothache. If you ignore your body, if you don't listen to what your physical body is saying, there will be serious consequences that incur. And it is the exact same with your wife. So husbands, do not ignore your wives. Do not turn a deaf ear to your wives. It doesn't matter how insignificant or ridiculous you think they might be, you must listen to your wife and you must strive to fulfill her needs. So persevere and look to the Lord Jesus Christ. Be diligent, impart maximum effort to love your wife as Christ loved the church. In doing this, you will be living with your wife according to knowledge. You'll be living with your wife according to the knowledge of the Scriptures. A lack of biblical knowledge is a real handicap in marriage. But so also is a lack of personal knowledge about your wife. The only way to carry out these biblical commands is to have an in-depth knowledge, not only of the word of God, but also your wife. Flip back to the book of 1 Peter, 1 Peter 3, 7. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Sometimes you just do not know enough facts about your wife to be a good husband. And because you do not know enough about your wife, you fail in your application of loving her as Christ loved the church. Now if this is the case, you simply need to get to know your wife better. You need to take time and energy and effort to study her and to find out what it is that makes her tick. For example, I've been married for almost 25 years. This is our 25th year of marriage. But it was not until our 20th year of marriage that I learned that the only gifts that my wife appreciates are jewelry and clothes. So for 20 years, I've been giving her very practical but very lousy gifts because I did not know what my wife really liked. But as her husband, I should have known. Let me give you some practical tips on getting to know your wife better. Take time and observe her. Look, listen, and learn from her. Ask her questions. Purposely try to draw information out of her. What are her likes? What are her dislikes? What are her capabilities, her limitations, her joys, her challenges, her sorrows, her fears, her temptations, her physical needs, her spiritual needs? What communicates love to her? What communicates indifference to her? What encourages her? What discourages her? What is she like? What does she dislike? What makes her happy? What makes her mad? Try to experience her world. Try to walk a mile in her shoes. Try to do some of her responsibilities for the day. Maybe you take care of the kids, or clean up the house, or make a meal. This can be a very enlightening experience. It will probably help you better appreciate your wife, and it will help you understand what she goes through on a day-to-day basis. Brothers, the more you know about your wife, the better equipped you will be to love her as your own body, as your own flesh. If you want to live with your wife in an understanding way, if you want to live with your wife according to knowledge, then get to know your wife better and get to know the scriptures better. If you crash and burn or you get tripped up or confused or you lose your way entirely, which you're probably going to do at some point, then look to the example of the Lord Jesus Christ and mimic his love for the church. Live with your wives in an understanding way according to biblical knowledge and according to your personal knowledge of her. I was looking for a glass of water. Command number two, husbands are to honor their wives. Command number two, 1 Peter 3, 7. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. As you strive to live with your wife in an understanding way, as you strive to live with your wife according to knowledge, you must also strive to respect your wife by giving her honor. The term honor refers to the worth or the merit of an object. And it is the amount at which something is valued. And this term carries with it the idea of showing great esteem and great admiration and thankfulness to the highest degree. And this high degree of honor was bestowed upon the excellent wife in Proverbs 31 by her husband and her children. Proverbs 31, 28, her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her. Many women have done excellently, but you surpassed them all. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. On this subject, Matthew Henry remarked that a husband's duty to love his wife consists in giving due respect to her, maintaining her authority, protecting her person, supporting her credit, delighting in her conversation, affording her a handsome maintenance, and placing a due trust and confidence in her. Now, Peter illustrates this idea of honoring your wife by using a very helpful analogy. Husbands are to show honor to their wives as the weaker vessel. as the weaker vessel." Well, what does that mean? Let me tell you what it doesn't mean. It doesn't mean that women are spiritually weaker or that women are emotionally weaker, nor does it mean that women are inferior to men in any way, shape or form. The Greek word vessel refers to a useful container or a useful instrument. And the word weaker refers to something that is very delicate and very fragile. This particular word was often used to describe the sacred vessels that were used in the temple in the worship of the Lord God. So in calling wives the weaker vessel, Peter is not referring to their moral character, he's not referring to their intellectual ability, nor is he referring to their spiritual perception. Peter is primarily referring to the difference in physical strength between men and women. Generally speaking, women possess less strength than men. Now I don't want to beleaguer this point, but in my house an unopened pickle jar will attest to this truth. So how should husbands honor their wives? Husbands are to treat their wives in the same way that they would treat a very delicate and useful instrument, or a very delicate and useful vessel. In other words, husbands are to esteem their wives as extremely valuable and handle them with special care and concern. As a kid, I used to love to watch cartoons. Star Blazers was my favorite cartoon, but I also liked the classics. And I had an old television set up in our basement. But in order for this television to work, it needed an elaborate antenna setup. So I had tin foil attached to it and wire coat hangers protruding every which way. And if you stood in the wrong place or interfered with the antenna in any way, you would lose all reception, which was very frustrating. The antenna was a very delicate instrument. It was very fragile and it needed to be handled with special care and extreme precaution. Even though it was a weaker vessel, it was extremely valuable and important to me because without the antenna, the television was useless. Well, in the very same way, Every husband must honor his wife by treating her as a very delicate and very precious possession. Well, how do I do this? How do I treat my wife as a delicate and precious possession? Well, tell your wife what she means to you. and how thankful you are to the Lord God for her. Tell her the specific things that you appreciate about her. Tell her the specific things that you appreciate about what she does. Husbands, don't belittle your wives, but treat her as a fellow heir. Don't treat her as a lowly servant, but rather shower your wife with love and appreciation. Speak kindly to her. Speak respectfully to her. Even when you disagree, only say things that will build her up. And do not respond to her in arrogance or with an overbearing attitude with superiority or intimidation. Rather, Grant her honor. Praise her in private. Praise her in public. The reason being, she's your wife. She is your flesh. And she is a fellow heir with you. Again, take a look at our text, 1 Peter 3.7. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. One of the reasons that husbands are to show honor to their wives is because wives are fellow heirs of the grace of life. Well, what does this mean? What is the grace of life? Now there are many differing views on this particular phrase, grace of life. There are some who say the grace of life is referring to marriage itself, which is God's most blessed gift in this life. There are others who view the grace of life as the gift of new life in children. And still others view the phrase as a reminder to husbands that even though they have been given greater authority within marriage, their wives are still equal to them in spiritual privilege and eternal importance. Now given the context of 1 Peter, which emphasizes our future salvation and our protected inheritance, my take is that the grace of life is the gift that both men and women will have, thanks Bill. Where was I? All right, the grace of life is that both men and women are equal recipients to the matchless grace of God. Both men and women will receive blessing on that last day. And so husbands must show honor to their wives because both husband and wife will partake of the same eternal treasure, the same eternal inheritance, and the same eternal destiny. The grace of life refers to the life that will be ours in the coming age, eternity. But regardless of the specific meaning of this phrase, The command is the same. Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. Command number two. Husbands, show honor to your wives as a weaker vessel since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. Now failure to keep these two commands, failure to live with your wife in an understanding way, failure in showing your wife honor will result in a very serious and detrimental consequence. Failure will result in a hindered prayer life. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Failure to keep these two commands will hinder your relationship with the Lord God. Specifically, your prayers to the Lord God will be hindered. The Greek word hindered means to be cut into. or to be impeded. Now this is so important to note. Husbands, there is a direct correlation between you and your wife and you and your God. Now think about that for a moment. There's a direct correlation between you and your wife and you and your God. The Lord God is so concerned that you live with your wives in a loving and understanding way that your relationship with him will be interrupted, it will be cut into, it will be impeded, it will be hindered if you do not treat your wives in a manner worthy of the Lord God. Do you ever feel like your prayers fall upon deaf ears? Do you ever feel alone in your prayer life? Do you ever feel that the Lord God is cold and distant? Do you ever feel that he does not care about you or your prayers? Might I suggest that the reason you are struggling in your prayers is because you are struggling in your marriage. It may very well be that your marriage, specifically how you are treating your wife, is the sole reason why your relationship with the Lord God and your prayer life has grown cold. Husbands, and I need you to listen to this. You need to understand this. No spiritual good will be accomplished in your life unless you are living with your wife in a loving and understanding way. No spiritual good will be accomplished in your life unless you are living with your wife according to knowledge, unless you're living with your wife in an understanding way, unless you are giving honor to her as a fellow heir of the grace of life. If you are failing your wife in your marriage, then you are failing in your relationship with the Lord God. Years ago, I knew a man who, over the course of a couple of years, took a very serious nosedive in his walk with the Lord God. He left the church, he separated from his wife, he left his family, he committed adultery, and he moved in with another woman. And I ran into him years later, and he looked terrible. He had lost a lot of weight, he was aged well beyond his years, he looked utterly miserable, he looked unhappy, it was clear that he was not doing well. And I was able to speak to him about his sin and about his standing before the Lord God. And he said he didn't want to hear it because he felt abandoned by God. He didn't feel that God cared about him anymore. He said that when he prayed, he felt nothing and that God never answered any one of his prayers. I didn't realize it then, but I did later on. The Lord God was not answering his prayers because he was not living with his wife in an understanding way. He was not giving honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life to his wife. And the result, the failure to obey these two commands was a hindered prayer life, which resulted in a shipwrecked faith. If you refuse to hear and to heed the command of the Lord God, then he will surely refuse to hear your prayers. It matters how you live. Husbands, do not deceive yourself into thinking that you can be right with the Lord God if you are failing to live with your wife in an understanding way. Do not deceive yourself into thinking that you can be right with the Lord God while you disrespect and dishonor your wife. Brothers, you cannot. It doesn't matter how difficult your wife may be. It doesn't matter how annoying your wife may be. It doesn't matter how cruel or how distant your wife may be. The command of the Lord supersedes all of these things. Husbands, love your wives. Love her sacrificially. Love her with a purifying love. Love her with a gentle and caring love. Nourish and cherish your wives. Love her as Christ loved the church. Live with your wife in an understanding way. Show honor to your wife as the weaker vessel, since she is an heir with you of the grace of life. Otherwise, your prayers and your relationship with the Lord God will be hindered. Resolve today to live with your wives in this manner. Resolve today. If you're struggling in this area of life, if you're struggling in your marriage, come and talk to one of the elders. Come and talk to me. Don't let another day go by. Get right with your wife. And in doing so, you will be getting right with the Lord God. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, Lord, this is a hard truth to hear. It's a hard truth to live up to. And yet, with the Spirit of God within us, we are able to fulfill these commands. So Lord, we confess our weakness. We confess our selfishness. We confess our self-reliance. Lord, help us to be men that love their wives as Christ loved the church. Help us, Lord, to love them in a purifying manner. Help us to be patient with our wives. Help us to be gracious with our wives. We pray, Lord, that we would always be looking to you and looking how you dealt with us in our sin. You saved us. You redeemed us. You reconciled us. You equipped us. You cheer us on. You're patient with us. You're loving. Lord, help us to demonstrate all of these attitudes towards our wives. We pray, Lord, that you would protect our marriages, protect us from outside defilement, from outside influence. We pray that our church would have solid marriages, that we would have solid families so that we might do the work of the Lord. Help us to be consistent in all these things, Lord, and we thank you for them. In Jesus' name, amen.