Well, good evening, everyone. As I've said before, on Wednesday nights, Christian has the opportunity of kind of choosing where we go and breaking up the various texts and so forth, and assigning me what I'm going to preach on for him as well. He chose the book of Proverbs, and he said, let's go through this topically or thematically, as opposed to expositionally, verse by verse. And I've been asked tonight to speak on the subject of marriage in the book of Proverbs. And so I thought about what should I use for my opening text? Where should I turn you? And I thought about Proverbs 25, verse 24, which says this, it is better to live on the corner of a roof than in a house with a contentious woman. And I said, maybe not. Then I thought about Proverbs 21, 19, which says it's better to live in a desert than with a contentious and irritating woman. I don't know about that one either. Or Proverbs 27, 15, 16, a quarrelsome woman is like a leaky roof in a rainstorm. Restraining a quarrelsome woman is like restraining the wind. Restraining a quarrelsome woman is like trying to grasp oil with your hand. Maybe not. So I chose Proverbs 15, look there with me, verse 16 to 17. And I think this is a precious truth. And I can honestly say sort of kind of a truth that I have, my wife have personally lived out. Verse 16, Proverbs 15, verse 16, 17, better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and turmoil with the treasure. Better is a portion of vegetables where there is love than a fat knock served with hatred. And all God's people said, that's the truth. That's the truth. To be honest with you, I have never read through Proverbs with the subject of marriage in mind. And so in preparation for this message, I took the time to read the entire book of Proverbs with the subject of marriage in mind. And you know what I discovered? Proverbs really doesn't say a lot about marriage. So what do you do now, Jacobs? That's what you've been asked to do. But what I did discover is that Proverbs gives us a handful of great principles that need to be and can be applied to marriage. As I said before, Proverbs ostensibly is a conversation between two males about two females. A conversation between a father and son, two males about two potential females for the son, either a virtuous woman or an immoral woman. And the main principle in Proverbs about concerning marriage is something like this, and it's real simple. Make sure you marry the right person. It's that simple. Make sure you marry the right person. But because Proverbs is a conversation between a father and son, virtuous woman versus immoral woman, the same principles could be applied in Proverbs if it were a conversation between a mother and a daughter about a virtuous man or an in-virtuous man or immoral man, right? Everybody get the point? Nothing really changes. And so with that in mind, I want to ask you to turn with me to Proverbs 31. Proverbs 31, 10 and following, as you're turning there, the text is often referred to as the excellent wife. But I want us to consider this text by calling it the excellent spouse. Because the characteristics that are explained here for an excellent wife could be equally as applicable to what would constitute an excellent husband. And so I'm not going to spend a lot of time verse by verse, but I just really want to identify some general characteristics of what constitute an excellent spouse. And obviously, I'm looking out and seeing people that have been married for a long time, people who are now widowed or whatever, or young people or whatever. So, you know, I get this. People listen to us online and so forth. So, you know, with this in mind, you know, for those who may hear this, who are looking for a spouse, these are things you may want to consider. And for us who are married, these are things that we might need to work on. or for us who are grandparents, widowed, widowers, these are things that you might put in your toolbox as you minister to your family. So number one, Proverbs 31, what constitutes an excellent spouse, husband or wife? And I'm going to title this first one, the blessing of sustained covenantal fidelity. The blessing of sustained covenantal fidelity. Notice Proverbs 31, notice verse 10 through 12. An excellent wife, again, or excellent husband, who can find her? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, not evil, all the days, all the days of her life, all the days of her life. I wanna remind you that marriage is above all things a covenant. You know that the idea of a covenant is the very foundation of the Bible, the Scriptures. The Old Testament, the New Testament, the word testament is Latin, testamente, and it is the Latin phrase for covenant. Really what you hold when you pick up your Bible is you hold the Old Covenant and the New Covenant. We're going to be talking about that on Sunday mornings. But marriage is a covenant. Beyond all things, it's a covenant. And in fact, Malachi 2.14 says this, when God's talking about the breaking up of marriage in ancient Israel, Malachi 2.14, yet you say, God says, for what reason? Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife, get this, by covenant. Marriage is a covenant and it is as a covenant of binding, promise, oath, commitment, all of that. And it is not only a covenant, but it is, theologically, it is an unconditional covenant, without condition. In fact, when I do marriage vows as a pastor, what do I say? I say something like this, for better or worse, richer, poor, sickness, and in health. What are we expressing in those words? That this covenant that you're entering into today is unconditional until death. The only condition that ends this covenant is to be death. It is a binding promise to love and fidelity for a lifetime. And if you look at verse 10 through 12, you have the picture of a husband, get this, who trusts his wife, or vice versa, the picture of a wife who trusts her husband. That's fundamental, fundamental to marriage. And you have a wife, or could be a husband, who is committed to do good to their spouse all the days of their life. all the days of life until life ends. Doing good all the days of your life. That is the very essence and nature of marriage. Trusting and doing good till death do us part. And again, the roles could easily be reversed. A wife who trusts in her husband or a husband who trusts in his wife. a wife who does good to her husband all the days of life, or vice versa, a husband who does good to his wife all the days of his life. And again, we're talking this first point of purposely called the blessing of, here's the key word, sustained covenantal fidelity. And this speaks specifically, all the days, against any notion of neglect, any notion of abandonment, And you know, as pastor, I think I've got a basic room of adults here. You know what? I've counseled through everything from emotional abandonment, physical abandonment, romantic abandonment, conversational abandonment, you know. So doing him or doing her good all the days of your life, a guard against any sort of kind of attentiveness or carelessness. Everybody tracking with me? And you know, you may sit here tonight, been married 25 years, let me tell you something, 25, 30 years, as time goes on, the more prone, the more proclivity there is to become negligent, to become inattentive, to become careless, to lose will and heart, investment, and so forth. Most of us are familiar with Ephesians 5. almost verbatim re-quoted by Paul in the book of Colossians. Paul doesn't repeat himself verbatim often, but he does in this matter. But in Ephesians 5 verse 22, what does it say? Wives, you know it, be subject to your own, what? Husbands. And then verse 25, husbands, what? Love your wives, as Christ loved the church. Why would Paul have to courage wives to submit and husbands to love? I'll tell you why. Because those are the two points where husbands and wives fail and neglect. Those are not random markers. They're specific to the role of the husband and specific to the role of the wife, and in particular, specific to our fallen tendencies. That is to say that a husband has a potential to quit loving his wife, stop loving, neglecting to love his wife, while a wife has also the same proclivity or tendency and her fallen nature to stop submitting, to stop submitting. These are points of Paul's making sustained covenantal fidelity, wives. And by the way, the verbs, wives be subject to your own husband, is in the Greek, is what we call the present imperative active. Husbands love your wife, same, present imperative active. And a present imperative active, you know what it means? Two things. It means ongoingly, Husbands ongoingly keep on loving and keep on loving and on loving your wife, and wives keep on submitting, keep on submitting, keep on submitting. Not only does it mean ongoing, but it means contemporaneous. That is to say, husbands keep loving while your wives keep submitting, wives keep submitting while your husbands keep loving. And this is biblical instruction. And I can say this, you know what? When a husband stops loving his wife, the wife has a really hard time submitting to that husband. And when a wife stops submitting to her husband, the husband has a really hard time ongoingly loving his wife. They're contemporaneous. The husband needs the wife to fulfill her part as much as the wife needs the husband to fulfill his role. And when those break down, it breaks down. It breaks down. And so the first principle, again, purposely sustained covenantal fidelity, Again, as we look at this chapter, Proverbs 31, the next point is what I call the blessing of sustained provision. Notice verse 13 and following. It says that she looks for wool and linen and works with her hands in delight. She's like a merchant ship. She brings food in from afar. And of course, in that world, that was really the case. They didn't have ingles. No doordash, ancient Israel. She rises while a still night gives food to her household. And you realize in that era, man, just eating consumed your day. She arrives while still night, gives food to her household and portions to her attendants. She considers a field and buys it from her earnings. She plants a vineyard. She surrounds her waste with strength and makes her arms strong. She senses that her profit is good. Her lamp does not go out at night. She stretches out her hands to the staff, that's to the spindle or part of a spindle, and her hands to grasp the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor. She stretches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow. For her household, for all her household, are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known at the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them. She supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. Again, this principle is as true for the excellent wife as it is true for the excellent husband. And to be honest with you, if anything, biblically, I think it's even more true for the husband. You know, who is called to be the provider, primarily in Scripture, it's the role of the man. And so basically, marriage involves providing. And I've had, you know, I've heard some, I've read books, been to marriage workshops where they talk about providing can be a love language. You ever kind of get that idea? We all have different love language. Providing can be one of them. Providing is not a love language. Providing is love itself. You can't say, well, you know, it's just not my love language. No. And so whether you're a stay-home wife or a retired husband, whatever, You know what? We have in that marriage responsibility to provide for our spouse. And that responsibility of provision, I'm going to suggest, never ends. Because it's not just about money. It's about providing meals, everything. Providing love, providing security, providing all of those things. And as you read these verses, you know, every guy in this room says, I wish my wife were like that, right? Or something like that, out there sailing across ships trying to bring home good food, right? I don't know. But really, what I think the picture more is really is kind of her striving to find new and better ways to provide for the one she loves. There's almost, when I read these verses, almost a sense of creativity, you know, passion in this process for the needs of my spouse. And the other thing that I think is worth noting, obviously, is that this pursuit of providing for your spouse extends beyond your spouse to the repeated use of the term household. So, you know, a good spouse, husband or wife, not only wants to take care of the spouse, but also wants to take care of the children. You know, the term servants are used there, parents, in-laws, uncles, grandparents. You know, the picture is taking care of your household. Wants to provide for the household. And it doesn't even stop there. You'll notice verse 20, where it talks about providing for the poor and the needy. an excellent husband and wife. One of the things that'll bind your hearts together is as a couple being engaged in the ministry of Christ to our world, sharing together in ministry, including generosity and charity to those in need, sharing in that reality. It warms my heart every time I see a couple go out with Samaritan's Purse to go serve together somewhere. That's a great thing. That's a healthy thing. Third point, and I'm going to be brief tonight. So the blessing of sustained covenant fidelity. He trusts her. He or she does good to the spouse all the days of life. There's a commitment to provide and to share in that provision. And then finally is the blessing of godly virtue. And it's the final point for a reason, because it's really the most important point. And rather than reading verses 26 through 21, if you'll just look with me at these verses and allow me to identify the godly virtues that are throughout these verses. In verse 26a, you'll see the idea of wisdom. 26b, kindness. 27 talks about watching or attentiveness. 27b talks about not being idle, laziness. 29a, being noble, nobility. 29b, excellence. Verse three talks about the fear of the Lord. And it is these godly virtues, wisdom, and kindness, and excellence, and fear of the Lord, and all that, that verse 30 ultimately says causes he or she to be praised, to be admired, to be respected. One more verse in Proverbs, and then a quick verse in the New Testament, and I'll be done. Look at Proverbs 15. Verse one, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Nothing will do more damage to a marriage than the mouth. I promise you. A couple weeks ago, Will Collins spoke on Proverbs in the tongue. You remember that? And he began, if you were here, with the little limerick, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. That is the most inaccurate thing I've ever heard. because words are extraordinary harmful. Words can hurt and destroy like nothing else. James 3 verse 6, the tongue is a fire of the very world of iniquity. The tongue is set among the members as that which defiles the entire body. It sets on fire the course of our life and it is set on fire by hell. The tongue will not only set on fire the course of your life, but it'll set on fire a marriage. And I can tell you this, by years of counseling and helping and trying to help, marriages. I want you to turn with me, if you would, to the book of Ephesians, just for a minute. And I want you to start with me in Ephesians 4, because I want to kind of walk through the thought process that Paul has in mind as he gets to his main point. So beginning in Ephesians 4, a handful of verses. Beginning in verse 1, Ephesians 4.1, Therefore I, the prisoner Lord, Paul says of himself, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you were called. And here it is, with all humility and gentleness, patience, showing tolerance to one another, being diligent to preserve the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace. Do you think that'd be a good verse for a marriage? Yeah, I would think so. Gentleness, patience, tolerance, love, preserving the unity of the spirit. These are important verses. Notice verse 17. So this I say, Paul says, and affirm together with the Lord that you no longer walk as the Gentiles walk in the futility of their mind. Here's the counterpoint. You were like this, you're no longer like this. Don't walk like this anymore. Walk like I just described in verse one. And then after verse 17, Paul turns his attention again to what I just said, the mouth. Walking involves the mouth. And you'll notice verse 25, therefore, laying aside all falsehood, speaking the truth, each one of you with his neighbor, truth. No deception, no falsehoods, the truth. Verse 29, still in chapter four, let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth. But only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment. That takes discipline. Speaking the right word at the right moment in light of the immediate situation and need. So that you may give grace to those who hear. That's a big marriage point right there in my mind's eye. You ever heard somebody say I have an uncontrollable temper? No, you just have an uncontrolled temper. And in those moments you can do so, it's like putting Humpty Dumpty back together again. On to chapter 5. Therefore be imitators of God as beloved children. Again, jumping to verse 4, he still has this in mind, therefore, there must be no filthiness, or silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of things. You know, verse 4, these are the things that we can say with our mouth that we think are funny, but they can be very cutting, they can be very harmful, very destructive. Verse 12, for it is disgraceful even to speak of these things which are done by them in secret. Know what? You need to put a tamper on what is discussed in the course of marriage, what comes out of your mouth, what you talk about, all of that. It is all destructive, can be very destructive. But where I wanna draw your attention is verse 18 and following. Verse 18, look at it carefully. Do not be drunk with wine, for that is dissipation. By the way, the word dissipation means excessiveness. Do not be drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, excessiveness, but be filled with the Spirit." Stop there. Why would Paul, of all the sins, turn to drunkenness and set it juxtaposed to being filled with the Spirit? Because it's about what's controlling you at the moment. Are you controlled by alcohol, being inebriated, or are you controlled by the Spirit? This is not just any sin that's being set apart from the Spirit. It's dealing with a sin that has the very real ability to control you in the moment. Verse 19, speaking to one another in Psalms, hymns, spiritual song, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord. Verse 20, always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father. Verse 21, and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. And then it is after that, verse 21, that verse 22, wives be subject to your husbands. Verse 25, husbands love your wives. Everybody got that? Again, almost verbatim in Colossians. But when I do pre-marriage counseling, the section I focus on most isn't verse 23 through 25, structure for the wives, or even the section on the husbands beginning in verse 25. The section that I focus on the most is actually verse 18 through 21. I think it's the most important. Again, verse 18, do not be drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit. Let's throw on the brakes here for a minute. What does it mean to be filled with the Spirit? If we were to ask our charismatic friends, they would have some explanation of some experiential thing that the Spirit overcomes you and whatever, and all the manifestations thereof. But in Paul's counterpoint to this, almost verbatim, Paul states it differently in Colossians than he does in Ephesians. And instead of saying like he does in Ephesians, be filled with the Holy Spirit, you know, he says in Colossians, get this, he says, let the word of Christ dwell in you richly. Being filled with the Holy Spirit is allowing the word of Christ to dwell in you richly. to be filled with the knowledge of the truth of God. It's not an experiential impartation of something. It is being filled with the truth of God. Everybody got that? And as a result, as you look at verse 19, 20, and 21, he has three things he's trying to say. What does a spirit-filled life look like? What does a spirit-filled husband look like? What does a spirit-filled wife look like? What does it look like when you allow the Word of Christ to dwell in you richly? Number one, verse 19, speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord. Can I give you one word for verse 19? You know what it is? Joy. Joy. Speaking to one another in Psalms, hymns, spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord. Joy. Joy. Verse 20. Always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to God, even the Father. You want another word for verse 20? Ready? How about thankfulness? Giving thanks for all things. In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, even throughout, thankfulness. And verse 21, be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Third word, verse 21, humility. Humility. I'm gonna tell you something. A marriage filled with joy, thankfulness, and humility will be the best kind of marriage there is. If you think I'm wrong, I want you to think about being married to a spouse who is never joyful, never thankful, and full of pride. Any takers? Any takers? And this is the way that I think Proverbs and much of the Scriptures really approach the idea of marriage. It's a covenant in which, you know, it is, yes, there's reasons, procreation, helpfulness, partnership, and all of that, but it is a covenant that really is filled with love. And how is love, what is love? Love is defined by what love does do and what love doesn't do. Love is not an emotion. Love is an attitude and an action towards the one that is loved. Think about 1 Corinthians 13. How does Paul define love? By what it does and by what it doesn't do. Can anybody give me one? Love is, give me one, patient. There's something love does. It's patient. What is patience? Patience is your time is as important as my time. That's patience. What else does love do? 1 Corinthians 13. Love is kind. Give me another one. Love does not brag. You know what bragging is? Boasting. You know what boasting is? Boasting is using your mouth to make you feel inferior and to make me feel superior. Love is not arrogant. Love doesn't keep wrongs suffered. Love doesn't take account. Here's what love does and what love doesn't do. That's the point in all of this. And involved in all of that is joy, thankfulness, and humility. And by the way, I just need to say this. If you study Ephesians 5 carefully, when it says, and by the way, what's the last word? The last word in verse 21 that you put down is humility, because we are to be subject to one another in the fear of the Lord. Stop there. That means, that not only are wives to be subject to their husbands, but husbands are to be subject to their wives as well. be subject to one another in the fear of the Lord. If you want to take a quick note, you know what the word subject in the Greek, it is hupotasso, it is a compound word. The preposition hupo, you know what it means? Under, under. And the root tasso means to rank or to order. You know what being subject is? You know what it is to be subject to one another? It is ranking yourself under another, placing yourself below another. You know, in Greek prepositions, we draw a circle on the board. And you'd have, you'd start in the circle and you'd come out. That's a preposition, you know, ecclesia, the church, those who were called out, into and alongside para, like a parable, laying a story next to a point, lying underneath that circle. Hupo, under, placing yourself under another. You know what Scripture says? That Jesus Christ subjected himself to sinners. He placed himself under us. and gave His life as a part of that, in submission to our needs greater than His life. I'm done. Any other thoughts, comments? That was Proverbs in a nutshell on marriage.