Well, hello church. If you would open to 1 Samuel 25, that's where we will be this morning, but I'm going to read a different passage in Romans 12 to start us. You can hold 1 Samuel 25 and then move over to Romans 12 verse 14. And I'll say, as you're turning there, we have a light out. If you are thrown off by it feeling dark in here, it is darker in here. And just so that doesn't distract you, maybe it will more now. I don't know, hopefully not. But we can see, we're thankful we have lights and we can see the text before us. Romans 12, verse 14. I think this passage sums up our text we'll look at very well. Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he's thirsty, give him something to drink, for by doing so, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Let's pray. Father, we want to learn today how to overcome evil with good. Lord, even in our marriages, sin occurs. And that sin, Lord, must be covered with grace. Lord, would you give us wisdom? Would you help us? And Lord, we pray that even at the heart level, you would change us so that we would want to do these things and honor you in this way. We pray for the ministry of your Holy Spirit and the fruit that would ascend to the glory of your Son. I pray it in His name. Amen. We want to continue the series today on common problems. And we're gonna be looking at Abigail and marriage to a difficult spouse. Marriage to a Difficult Spouse. I get that title from an old book that was written called Marriage to a Difficult Man, An Uncommon Union of Jonathan and Sarah Edwards. Maybe some of you have heard of this book or read this book. I reread this book this week, and I think it is rightly titled. I think Sarah Edwards had a difficult spouse to be married to in Jonathan Edwards. He was a godly man, but he had his little quirks his strict disciplines and things. And it was on top of being a pastor during the Great Awakening, having 11 children, all of the hospitality and the things that they did. It was a difficult marriage in many ways. And so I bring that up to say, your marriage may not be like Abigail and Nabal that we'll look at today, maybe not that dysfunctional. Maybe it looks more like Jonathan and Sarah Edwards, but you can still have a spouse that's difficult at times. And there's a lot of wisdom to gain from this passage today. Let me say on the outset, there's some really profound ways to look at this passage in 1 Samuel 25. Commentators talk a lot about typology. There's a lot of typology in this. Some would say that Nabal represents Satan, or the lost, or the law. Abigail could represent the church. David could represent Christ. And I do think there's warrant for those type of interpretations of this passage because of Galatians and how Paul looks at Hagar and says she's a type of the law, or she is the law, she should be understood as the law. I see what people would do with a text like this typologically, but I only bring that up to say we're not going to do any of that today. We're not gonna do any of that. We're gonna be very simple with our approach to this passage and look at marriage to a difficult spouse and how when one spouse acts wrong, the other spouse is to act right. And that's far more profound and powerful than it may sound initially. And so let's get into this. 1 Samuel 25, I'm just gonna walk us, read a little bit, talk, read a little bit, talk, we'll walk through this passage, starting in verse two. Then David rose and went down to the wilderness of Paran. There was a man of Moen whose business was in Caramel. The man was very rich. He had 3,000 sheep, 1,000 goats. He was shearing his sheep in Caramel. Now the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife was Abigail. The woman was discerning and beautiful, but the man was harsh, badly behaved. He was a Calebite. David heard in the wilderness that Nabal was shearing his sheep. So David sent 10 young men, and David said to the young men, go up to Caramel and go to Nabal and greet him in my name. And thus you shall greet him. Peace be to you, and peace be to your house, and peace be to all that you have. I hear that you have shears. Now your shepherds have been with us, and we did them no harm, and they missed nothing all the time they were in Caramon. Ask your young men, and they will tell you. Therefore, let my young men find favor in your eyes, for we have come on a feast day. Please give us whatever you have at hand to your servants and to your son David." So David doesn't personally know Nabal, He knows he's very rich. He knows he's older than him. And so he's calling him your servant. He's calling himself the servant of Nabal and the son of Nabal is a respectful gesture. And he's asking for something that's very customary. David's men have served Nabal's men. And so David's asking a favor of him. Verse nine goes on, it says, when David's young men came, they said all this to Nabal in the name of David. And when they waited, and Nabal answered David's servants. Listen to this. Who is David? And who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants these days who are breaking away from their masters. Shall I take my bread and my water and my meeting that I have killed for my shears? Give it to the men and give it to men whom come from I do not know where." So David's young men turned away and came and told all this. And David said to his man, every man strap on his sword. And every man from them strapped on his sword and David strapped on his sword. And about 400 men went up after David. So this is already showing us what Proverbs teaches us, that a harsh word stirs up anger, that a fool's mouth walks him into a beating. This is what is happening with David and Nabal. And Nabal is too foolish to even recognize or realize what's happening, that he's putting his life in danger and all of his men's life in danger. And everybody else knows this except for Nabal. So they go to Nabal's wife, not to him. And they say this in verse 14. One of the young men told Abigail, Nabal's wife, behold, David has sent messengers out of the wilderness to greet our master, and he railed at them. Yet the men were very good to us. We suffered no harm. We did not miss anything when they were in the fields, as long as we went with them. They were a wall to us, both by day and by night, while we were keeping with the sheep. And then he says, now consider what you should do, for harm is determined against our master and against all his house. He is such a worthless man that no one can speak to him. And listen to her wisdom, verse 18. Then Abigail made haste and took 200 loaves, two skins of wine, five sheep already prepared, and five sieves of parched grain, and 100 clusters of raisins, 200 cakes of figs, and laid them on donkeys. She said to her young man, go on before me, behold, I come after you. Listen, but she did not tell her husband Nabal. Now, some will look at this and they'll say, aha, she's being unsubmissive to her husband. She did not tell him what she was doing. I think ladies, I don't think it's presumptuous of me to assume of you, you understand that submission does not mean there are not times that you must help your husband when he does not know he needs help. You're called helper and there are times to help when he will not get help and he cannot get help for himself. I've seen wives intervene and step in to help their husbands when their husbands were committing crimes. I've seen them step in when they were doing destruction to themselves or to others, and they were forced to go get help. Those women were not despising their husbands, they were loving their husbands. And I don't think Abigail does this out of some sort of, you know, butterfly affectionate feelings for Nabal, but she was committed to love him and do him good. And so she goes directly to David, who is very angry at this point. Look at verse 20. She rode on a donkey and came down under cover of the mountain. But behold, David and his men came down toward her and she met them. And verse 21 and 22, it shows the anger and the rage of David, he's ready to kill. Verse 23, when Abigail saw David, she hurried, got down from the donkey, fell before David on her face and bowed to the ground. She fell at his feet and said, on me alone, my Lord, be the guilt. Please let your servant speak in your ears and hear the words of your servant. Now, look, I don't know, I mean, when I'm reading this, I don't know what question comes to your mind, but I'm wondering, where did she learn how to diffuse a situation like this? She's not a trained FBI hostage negotiator. She doesn't have that type of training. She has better training. She's married to a fool. That is, she has a PhD in the school of marriage by being married to this foolish man Nabal. And she had to learn early on, do I keep just nagging this man, badgering him until he finally is changed or does what I want? Or do I learn to be wise and patient and gracious and strategic with my words, which actually is effective? And now she's turning this skill of hers to David and speaking to him. We've had moments in our marriage, we just celebrated 15 years, and we've had moments in our marriage that I've been harsh with Priscilla. And she has an opportunity in those moments to either say, okay, and then she puts on the gloves and we go at it. Or she has a moment to say, I'm going to respond with gentleness, with patience, with grace. And in those moments, she can diffuse a situation. Proverbs says, a gentle word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Your gentleness diffuses. If not immediately, it will soon after because nobody is going to continue to rail at you, to angrily say things to you if you aren't defensive, if you're not argumentative. They may do it for a moment, but eventually here's what will happen. They will be utterly exposed as the guilty party. And they'll eventually stop. Your gentleness really does turn away anger But if you decide to fight it out, who's the fool? Now you're both arguing. Now you're both yelling. And you can't tell who the fool is. You both blend in. How do you calm down an angry, irrational person? Watch and learn, Abigail. This woman is a master. This may be one of the best women in peacemaking people who've ever done peacemaking in the Bible, maybe in history, because she's not only saving her husband from an imminent death, she's saving all of his men, likely hundreds of men, from death. And she saves, through this speech, even David and his kingdom through this speech. And she starts by this very shrewd move. She finds a point of agreement with David. Because she knows her husband's life depends on it. In verse 25, she says, let not my Lord regard this worthless fellow Nabal. For as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name, and folly is with him. She's like, he doesn't know any better. Have mercy on him. And I agree with all the commentators I couldn't find a commentator that that had a different view that there is no anger or bitterness That you can sense from her and how she is speaking to her husband, especially when you look at the larger context It seems to be compassionate Which reveals if you have a selfish Let's say husband You don't have to be angry You could choose another emotion. You could be compassionate. You could have a compassionate heart with him. And that compassionate heart could lead to doing good for him. Anger isn't the only emotional response to having a foolish or selfish husband. And this is a prime example. Verse 25, she says, I, your servant, did not see the young man, my Lord, whom you sent. This is really smart because David plans on killing all the men. So all these men are about to die and she inserts herself into all the group of the men because she thinks David's not gonna kill an innocent woman along with all the men. And so maybe I can save the men by inserting myself and putting myself as guilty with all of these men that he's about to kill. Verse 26, now then, my Lord, as the Lord lives, and as your soul lives, because the Lord has restrained you from blood guilt. The Lord has done it, she says. From saving with your own hand. Now then, let your enemies and those who seek to do evil to my Lord be as Nabal. That is, may they suffer for their own folly. May your hand, David, not be the one that punishes them. Now let this present Now let this present that your servant, the gifts that she brought, be brought and given to the young men who follow my Lord." What is she doing here? Matthew Henry says she is atoning for Nabal's sin. She's atoning for his sin. She's interceding on his behalf. She's putting her life on the line for her husband. She's substituting herself in his place. Verse 28, please forgive the trespass of your servant. What does forgive mean? To cancel the debt. Put the guilt on me. Verse 24, she says, on me alone be the guilt. Okay, no bitter wife who's tired of the foolishness of her husband takes that type ownership. No angry husband who's tired of the sin of his wife takes that type ownership. This is a person who is forgiving at heart. This is a person who is pure in heart. This is a woman who has compassion for a very, very difficult spouse. And I want to say, and I keep using the word heart, because that is what's central here. You can't just learn the rhetorical skills of Abigail and fix your marriage. These are heart issues. She's able to do good to her worthless husband because her heart is pure toward him. She's able to put her life in danger because her heart is compassionate, not embittered at her husband. Guys, many of us know the danger of this tongue of ours in marriage. We've seen the destruction that it can bring. and a marriage. James calls the tongue a restless evil. It sets things on fire. It can set ablaze a whole family. Proverbs 12, 18 say, a reckless word pierces like a sword. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. And we know this. We would say, I know the damage that I can do to my family, to my spouse with this instrument. It is a sword. It kills. It destroys. It pierces. And it's very difficult to control. In fact, James 3.8 says no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil full of deadly poison. Even the psalmist struggled to tame the tongue. Listen to what he says in Psalm 39. I will guard my ways. I will not sin with my tongue. I will guard my mouth with a muzzle so long as I'm in the presence of the ungodly." So, he's trying to control his mouth when he's in a situation and he knows he could say something he shouldn't. We go, that sounds wise, but listen as he goes on. He says in verse 2, I was mute, I was silent. I held my peace to no avail. He said, I could only hold my peace so long I had to finally speak. In my distress, as it grew worse, my heart became hot within me. I mused. I began to think about the things I could say. The fire burned, and then I spoke with my tongue. Do we not know what that's like? Sometimes you try to hold your tongue, and you begin to think. I could say this. If I say this, they need to hear this. and it comes out because it feels good to say it, right? And we have some hope it'll accomplish something that we want to be accomplished. You know, our culture actually encourages us to not hold it in at this point. It's actually, you can read studies of this. They'll say it's unhealthy to hold your words in. You should let them out. You should say what you're feeling. You should express that. It's actually physically healthy, mentally healthy, emotionally healthy to speak your mind and tell someone what you're thinking. I can picture if Abigail had friends in our day and age, they would say to her, if you ever want that husband of yours to change, you need to tell him you deserve better. Tell him, say something. You can't be silent in the face of that type foolishness. Look, here's what we need to remember. Before you speak, check your heart. Before you speak, check your heart. Proverbs 4.23 says, above all else, guard your heart, for in it are the wellsprings of life. Jesus said in Luke 6.45, out of the abundance of the heart, The mouth speaks. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. So our words reveal our heart. Our words expose our heart. People say, don't judge me, you don't know my heart. Jesus said, your words show it. They reveal your heart. Your heart, if it gets to a point where you're compassionate, and you're merciful and you have some measure of love for that person, what's going to come out of your mouth? Something loving. Something helpful. Something gracious. But if your heart is bitter, if your heart is angry, even things that you say that may be true can bring destruction. Early in our marriage, I really believed that I basically had a license to say anything I wanted to say to Priscilla as long as it was truthful. I thought as long as it's true, I mean, my job as a husband is to tell my wife the truth, to speak truth to her. And I would justify nearly anything as long as it was truthful. And one of the things that I quickly learned is that my wife does need to hear truth, but not always from me. And certainly not if my heart is not in a good place. There are times that we do not and we're very wise to not speak even true words to our spouse if our heart is not in a good place. Abigail's heart is pure. Her heart is right toward her husband. She's able to speak persuasively to David about her husband, even though she says some true things about her husband for the sake of his life, her heart, I do believe, is pure toward Nabal, toward David, and toward God. I do think she's speaking for God's sake and for the glory of God, and that David is being motivated, or at least she reminds him that in most of his life he's motivated for God. Look at verse 28. For the Lord will certainly make My Lord a sure house, because My Lord is fighting the battles of the Lord. And evil shall not be found in you so long as you live." She's telling David this. If men rise up and pursue you and seek your life, the life of My Lord shall shall not be bound in the bundle of the living and the care of the Lord your God." So she's saying if you act wickedly and you act in anger and you kill all these men, David, your life may not be recorded in the bundle of the living. I think that's the bundle of Scriptures, the writings. She's saying, don't ruin your legacy, David, by acting presumptuously and doing this. Verse 30, when the Lord has done to my Lord according to all the good that is spoken concerning you and has appointed you prince over Israel. So somehow she knew the prophecies about David probably from Samuel. And she's reminding David of what the scriptures say about him saying, don't jeopardize what God has said about you in your coming kingdom, David. Verse 31, my Lord shall have no cause of grief or pains of conscience for having shed blood without cause. Or for my Lord working salvation for himself. When the Lord has dealt well with my Lord, then remember your servant. Guys, we know that everyone in Scripture, every man in Scripture is a sinner. David is a sinner, Nabal is a sinner. But every sinner is not the same. There is a difference between the type of sinner David is and the type of sinner Nabal is. How do we know? What's the difference? David, when he is confronted with his sin, agrees, humbles himself, and changes. That's a different type sinner. David receives what she says and says, you're right, I'm wrong, and then he changes. Verse 32, David said to Abigail, blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel who sent you this day to meet me. Blessed be your discretion. Blessed be you who have kept me this day from blood guilt and from working salvation with my own hand. For as surely as the Lord, the God of Israel lives, who has restrained me from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me, truly by morning there wouldn't have been left to Nabal so much as one male. So he says, I would have killed them all had it not been for you. Then David received from her hand what she had brought, and he said to her, go up in peace to your house. See, I have obeyed your voice, and I have granted your petition. That is masterful peacemaking that she just did with David. for her husband's sake, for the sake of all these men of Nabal, and for David's legacy, and I believe his future kingdom was in jeopardy if he would have killed all of these men without good cause. So, what do we learn about marriage from all of this? Especially marriage to a difficult spouse. How can we honor the Lord and act right when our spouse acts wrong? Here's the first thing I would say. It doesn't matter what your spouse does or does not do. You need to settle it in your mind. I will honor the Lord. I will act right, even if they act wrong. You've got to settle that in your mind. Why? Because God commanded it. Romans 12.17, repay no one evil for evil, especially a spouse. But give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. And guys, it is very easy, as you know, to in our marriages become judge and jury. to try to judicially prosecute and punish a spouse for their perceived wrongs. Perceived wrongs. You did this bad thing to me. Therefore, I will respond like this. Therefore, I will withhold this until you do this. You did this. Therefore, I'm going to do this. And what is this person doing? They're trying to handle these matters judicially. They're trying to handle their spouse's sin through legal processes, inflicting justice on their own. Trying to avenge the wrong. Look at what verse 19 says. Beloved, never avenge yourselves. Why? It says, leave it to the wrath of God. Thankfully, we have a wrathful God. And vengeance is His to repay, not ours. Vengeance is mine. I will repay," says the Lord. You say, but if I leave it to God, what do I do? If I leave anger and vengeance to God, what do I do? Well, it says, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he's thirsty, give him something to drink. For by doing so, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. And we need wisdom. Pastor Kent prayed for this a minute ago for us. We need wisdom to know when not to speak to our spouse. Abigail didn't go to Nabal at that moment. Why? Because she loved him. And she knew he's not going to listen. And I'm going to win my husband right now without a word by my godly conduct and my strategic move to have David not lay a hand on him. On Friday, I'd been studying some of these things. I was at our house, and I came out for lunch, and all of our kids were at school, so it's me and Priscilla there. She had been working in the house that day and was listening to Elizabeth Elliott teaching that she had on audio, and she's like, you really need to listen to a portion of this. And it was on, and some of you know, Elizabeth Elliot, I don't know if there's a woman in the last hundred years that was used of God like Elizabeth Elliot. I mean, it truly is amazing what the Lord used her to do. But she was talking about submission to a husband in this teaching. And at the part in which I was listening to, she said to all the ladies she was speaking at this conference, apparently, she said to all the ladies, Someone sent me an audio tape of this preacher. He was talking about submission. And as I began to listen, I thought, I haven't made it to first base when it comes to the issue of submitting to a husband. And she began to describe this word submission and also the word reverence. And listen to how she described it. A reverent awe as for a holy being or exalted thing. The way a woman should think about her husband. This is her words, an exalted being. I mean, picture your husband as honoring and reverencing him as you would an exalted being or a holy being. And she actually commented, it was funny, she commented, she said, this preacher, I was amazed that this preacher said these things in mixed company. And this was like early 80s, you know, it was said in the early 80s, and I'm thinking, I'm gonna say these things in 2023 in mixed company on Sundays, I must be feeling super bold today. But this is Elizabeth Elliot, not, primarily from me right here. She said this to the lady she was speaking to, and I do think it's very helpful. She said from Ephesians 5, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. That's the text she quoted. And she said to the ladies, ladies, what if you actually began to look at your husband when he comes home from work and say, the Lord has come home from work. And then you get an opportunity to serve him and you say, I get to serve the Lord. That sounds odd. And she even paused and said, I know many of you think I'm probably joking, but it says, honor and submit to your husband as you would to the Lord. And so what if you began to think of your husband and opportunities to serve him as you would to the Lord? And she said, this is just so foreign. Again, this is 40 years ago when she was saying this. And she said, it's near impossible to go to a restaurant and see a husband and wife talking. And if you see a woman really engaged in conversation, like eagerly listening to her husband, she says either they're in an adulterous affair or this is their first date. because you just don't see people who've been married a long time eagerly engaged, and a woman hearing her husband like that, so rare. She said, but what if, ladies, you began to treat your husband with this type of reverent awe? What would it do? He knows he doesn't deserve this, or he hasn't earned it himself. He's been given a title. He's been given a place of authority. What if you begin to honor that place of authority and honor him as the Lord has called you? What would it do to him? And I want to just ask the ladies here, what would it do to your husband if you actually treated him with the type of reverent awe, with the type of respect like that? And I would say there's three possible responses that would come. If he's a believer, his heart is regenerate. I believe he would immediately feel a sense of guilt and a powerful love that would begin to draw him to you. And I think this happens in Christian marriages all the time where they're equally yoked. The second response would be if this husband is more like Nabal and he's very selfish type of man, you would be a gospel witness to him. He would see something of the grace of Christ in how you're treating him. Your kids would see that, others would see that. And God would be honored and you would gain rewards in heaven because you decided to leave vengeance to the Lord. And you decided to do good from a pure heart to your husband. And then there's a third response. If he's an unconverted man, he's a very stubborn man. It says in Scripture that a wife can win her husband without a word. without a word, by her godly conduct." 1 Peter 3, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct. And my experience is that most women greatly underestimate the power of that type nonverbal response. I think the default is, well, if I just keep telling him, if I keep saying it, he'll eventually get it. You believe the lie. You believe the lie. It says that the power is in what he sees in your respectful and pure conduct. That's where the power is. That's what God says. Ladies, if you take this respectful approach, either God will bring a swift judgment on your husband in some form, or He will bring salvation and sanctification to your husband. But what will not happen is nothing. This is too powerful of an approach. It will not accomplish nothing. It will accomplish something. And I want to say something very, very sobering right now. Please listen to what I'm about to say. The kindness of Abigail toward foolish Nabal was the closest to heaven he ever got. The kindness of Abigail toward foolish Nabal was the closest to Christ he ever got. Let that sober you, those of you who have the most difficult marriages. Even in your most difficult moments, you are displaying something of Christ to this man. You have an opportunity to display something of Christ to this man in his worst moment. What a privilege. Your gracious affection is the shining face of God on a man, it may be the brightest light he ever sees. And ladies, if you give that type of undeserved reverence and kindness to your Nabal-like husband, either he will reject you because you so represent Christ to him and he does not want Christ, He will be drawn to you because you so represent Christ and He loves Christ. It is very powerful. You say, but I've tried to love. I've tried to give grace. It didn't change Him. And I would ask this. Have you, for an extended season, tried to give grace? To do acts of love? to overlook sin and be kind for an extended season from a pure heart with no other motive than to say, this is for you, Lord, not ultimately for him. I do it for him for your sake. Have you tried that? And then I would say also, if he doesn't change, that's not ultimately why you're doing it. You're ultimately doing it for Christ's sake. who told you respect your husband, who told you love your neighbor, who told you even that man who sleeps next to you every night, who sometimes feels like an enemy, he still said love your enemy. And there'll be rewards in heaven. And I know a lot of people who would say, you know what, I guess I'll just be married to an enemy because we're not going to get a divorce. We don't use the D word. We made a covenant. We're going to stay in this marriage, even if we're miserable. And God, yes, He wants you to keep your covenant, but it does not have to be miserable. He tells you, love your spouse and see what I do. Be gracious to them for Christ's sake. You say, what if they never change? Well, what if God isn't just trying to use you to change them? What if God is using them to change you? What if their sins and failures are the primary means God is using to make you more like Christ? I heard this... I heard a preacher who was talking about a conversation he was having with his mentor, and he was kind of confessing. This preacher would go off and preach the gospel, and do mission work, and plant churches, slay demons, do the Lord's work. And he was coming home from one of these trips, and he was ready to come to his house, and he was hoping, oh, my children, as he's getting closer, my children are going to welcome me at the door. And my wife, you know, she'll say, look at your father. He's serving the Lord and he's providing for us. Aren't we glad he's home, kids? And he's just anticipating this as he walks up to the door. And as he walks up to the door, he opens the door and the kids are running around everywhere. The house is a mess. And his wife's like, finally done with your vacation, your turn. And he confessed to his mentor how angry he was. And his mentor said this, he said, you know, the Lord could have helped your wife to respond better to you. Why didn't the Lord help your wife to respond better? And the younger pastor said, I don't know. And he said, what if God was testing you by your wife's response to see how mature you aren't? What if these type situations are tests from the Lord that He's giving us? What if those moments when your spouse does something hurtful, what if that is God testing you? What if that is a divinely appointed moment in your life to not prove your love for your spouse, but to prove your love for the Lord? A wise preacher once said, how could you ever learn unconditional love if you're married to someone who met all the conditions? How could you ever learn mercy and patience and long suffering if you're married to someone who never fails you? How would you ever learn self-sacrificing love and forgiveness if you had a spouse that never sinned? How could you ever learn to give grace to the undeserving if your spouse always deserved your love? You see this. Guys, the main purpose of our marriage, the primary purpose of our marriage, is that through your marriage, you would both be more conformed to the image of Christ. That's why they say marriage is the greatest place the Lord sanctifies us. It often is. You're married to a person who does not meet all the conditions so that you can learn unconditional love. You're married to a person who needs a lot of mercy so you can learn how to give the mercy. And think how hypocritical we are. We're so hypocritical. We worship the Lord for His grace, but we demand that our spouse live in such a way that they don't need grace. We worship the Lord for His unconditional love, but we get mad at our spouse if they don't meet all the conditions. Think about that. And think, in your marriage, what are the times that you're most like Christ? Are they the times that your spouse is doing all the things you want them to do for you? Or is it those moments when they're not, and you dig down, and in the strength that the Lord provides, you turn and love and bless them? I remember a group of pastors were having kind of an accountability prayer time. And they would get together and they would pray for their marriages. And so this group of pastors would get together and they would share, the Lord is blessing my marriage and my wife is doing this now and she was doing this and it's an answer to prayer and their marriages are getting better and they're seeing the Lord work. And then there was one pastor who they knew, his wife is not changing. His wife is not being godly. And they all knew that. And one day, one of these men pulled him aside and said, you know, I just apologize. It must make you feel really uncomfortable to hear about our good marriages and our godly marriages. And he said, no brother, don't apologize. I didn't enter marriage to have an easy marriage. I didn't enter marriage to be served. I entered marriage to love my spouse. And I'm able to do that. And God has used my spouse to conform me more to His image than probably any of your wives. And I'm thankful for her. What a different mindset. This may sound cliche, Marriage isn't about finding the right person. It really is about becoming the right person. I know we hear those things, but it is actually true. Many Christians say, oh, I want to be more Christ-like, and then they see sin in their spouse, and they don't realize God's answer in your prayer. This is how that happens for all of us. He said, yeah, but I'll ask for an easy marriage. Well, thankfully, the Lord is wise, and He doesn't just give you what you ask for always, or what you want, He gives you what you need. He gives us what we need. And we need to learn to deny self and to love another. We need to learn to give grace to our spouse. In every one of our marriages, even the best marriages here, you must continually redeem your spouse through redemptive love. You must continue to redeem them through redemptive love. One of the primary ways that you can show the gospel in this world is to your spouse. We say, I want to live a life that represents the Gospel and that makes much of Christ. You realize your marriage is going to be one of the primary ways you ever do that. It's an awesome thing. It really is. As we prepare to come to the table, for married couples here, what does this table represent? It represents one spouse who is doing right when the other is doing wrong. We are called the bride of Christ. And we have a perfect spouse who does us good when we fail. who gives us grace, who loves us unconditionally. Remember the love of Christ for you as you come here today. For all of us who've been baptized, who've received Christ by faith, come believing the gospel, confident in the gospel and in the finished work of Christ and how you've been relentlessly loved by your husband and you as his bride. Let's come to the table confident in these things, rejoicing in these things. Take a moment and then we'll come together. Father, Lord, it's very easy to talk about marriage. It's much harder to be married and to do these things that you tell us in your word. So Lord, we don't want to be hearers only. We don't want right views of marriage. We don't want proper doctrine of marriage merely. Lord, give us mouths that would say the right things. Give us hearts that would feel the right things. Give us actions, Lord, that would honor You and love our spouses. Lord, we don't want to hear these things and walk out and be unchanged, Lord. We would ask for the grace to make progress, to repent, to obey, to believe what You've said on all these matters. So, Lord, help us in these things, and most of all, Lord, help us to believe the gospel right now. How You have pursued and loved us, help us as we come to the table to rejoice in You. We pray it in Jesus' name. Amen.