This message was given at Grace Community Church in Minden, Nevada. At the end, we will give information about how to contact us to receive a copy of this or other messages. Well, whenever I speak on marriage, I believe it's important to establish some healthy boundaries. And let me just explain some of the healthy boundaries that I like to have as I speak. Oftentimes when I say something, there is a tendency for us to kind of go one of these things and say, George, are you hearing what he's saying? Or Martha, he's talking about you now. And so I want to encourage us as we go forward today that we try to restrain ourselves from doing that. I do have a pretty healthy biblical marriage counseling practice, but I don't want to necessarily increase it by my message today. So can we all agree to that? All right. My experience as a biblical counselor has has been an interesting experience for me. I believe I'm the greatest beneficiary of it. And I'll tell you why that is. As I work with people, I'm puzzled by what I see. And what I see is people who have a tremendous knowledge of what the Bible says, way more than me. They're able to quote scripture after scripture after scripture. They know all the addresses. It's an amazing thing. And yet when we turn to what it is that they're struggling in their marriage, it's like we've shifted gears somehow. And so for the last 10 years I've said, God, Show me what this is all about, not only for them so that I might be able to be of some help to them, but for me. Why is it that I'm a hearer but not a doer? What is it that I'm struggling with? And so as I work with people, one of the things I pray for is, God, show me what it is that they're missing. What is it that they're lacking? Now, one of the things that people say to me is, You know, I'm surprised when they don't. They come to me and they say, Brian, can't you fix my husband? Brian, can't you fix my wife? And I can share something with them that's really exciting. No, I can't, but God can. God can. So this reminds me, as I think about Couples trying to change each other and what that does to marriages is it reminds me of a story of something that was on the internet that I just want to quickly share with you. See if these thoughts have ever come to your mind. This is a story of a lady who had a lot of conflict in her marriage. She was really struggling. you know, wanting to change her husband, wanting him to be the man that she wanted and what she believed God wanted him to be. And so there is a, what was found on the internet was an email between her and this computer programming company that had designed a program that you can use to actually change your husband. It's quite an interesting thing. And the topic of that email was Hang on a minute. Was problems installing Husband 1.0 computer program. And so this is what it says. Hang on a minute, I'm sorry. Dear tech support, last year I upgraded my computer by substituting Program Boyfriend 5.0 for Program Husband 1.0. and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance. This was most apparent in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Program Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, when I installed Program Husband 1.0, it automatically uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5, Personal Attention 6.3, It then automatically installed undesirable programs such as NFL 9.7, NBA 8.9, and PGA 7.7. Conversation 8.3 program no longer runs. And running the dishwasher helper 2.3 and housekeeping helper 3.8 programs simply crashes the entire system. I've tried using the nagging 5.4 program to fix these problems to no avail. Please advise as soon as possible. Signed, Desperate in Seattle. Here's the tech support response. To Desperate in Seattle. First, keep in mind that program 5.0 is an entertainment package, while program 1.0 is actually an operating system. Please enter the command, I thought you loved me, hit enter and then download the tier 6.2 program and don't forget to install the guilt 6.6 program update. If that application works as desired, the Husband 1.0 program should both automatically run the desired applications of Julie 2.8 and Flowers 3.5. But, remember, overuse of the above applications can cause the Husband 1.0 program to abruptly default to undesirable programs such as Grumpy Silence 9.9 and Procrastination 10.4. Whatever you do, and this was in caps, do not install the program Mother-in-Law 1.0. This program runs a nasty virus in the background and will eventually seize control of all your system resources and will obliterate the Husband 1.0 operating system as well as all spyware applications. Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program These are unsupported applications and may permanently crash the entire 1.0 operating system. So in summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You must consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. Finally, we also recommend downloading the following programs, Candlelight Dinners 3.9 and New Wardrobe 4.1 to speed up and enhance the overall operating system. Good luck, signed Tech Support. Now, this is a humorous story, but there's some truth to it. Do we really think that we can change each other? In my own life, I have trouble changing Brian. And what I found as I work with couples is that when we try to change the other person, we're really missing out on what God wants to do in our marriage. And we're talking about that today. All right. Paul Tripp says this. I think you may know author Paul Tripp. He says this. It's an interesting concept. The problem is that we, it is not that we don't love our enemies. The problem is we don't even love the ones that we love. Why is that? Why is that? Now, as I work with couples, there are a number of different things that I tried to do, at least initially. And some of them actually kind of worked. You know, we would talk about different kinds of curriculum that I use, primarily in my pre-marriage classes, but in marriage counseling as well. Things like the five love languages, the needs of husbands and wives, the roles of husbands and wives, good communication skills, the importance of forgiveness, And as I worked through those with them, they were all valuable. But there were some who would come back three, six, nine months, and they were back to where they were before. Why is that? What was I missing in trying to help these people? Let me suggest a couple ideas to you. To begin to unpack marriage, We must start at the beginning. What's the beginning? Why does marriage exist? Why do I exist? Why do you exist? Why does your spouse exist? Why does this church exist? Why does this earth, this universe exist? The answer's all the same. It's all the same. We all exist for one purpose and one purpose only, and that is to magnify and display the value, the truth, the worth of God and His glory. That's why we exist. There are a couple passages I'd like to share with you that I think that bears that out. Colossians 1.15. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created, things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities, all things were created by Him and for Him. Isaiah 43.6, bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of all the earth, everyone who is called by my name, whom is created for my glory, whom I have formed and made. Romans 11.33, Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God. How unsearchable his judgments and his paths beyond tracing out. Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God that God should repay him? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever. Amen. So this is the beginning. We exist, our marriages exist to glorify God. We were created by Him, for Him, and through Him. You believe that? You believe that? I will tell you that that is the foundation, not only of our marriages, but of our life. If we don't get this right, you can read all the books on the five love languages, and the needs of husbands and wives, and there will not be heart transformation. And this is what I learned as I did this for 10 years is, you know, I was very good at manipulating people, probably because of my recovering vocation being an attorney. I was very good at manipulating people into behavior modification. You know, if you're really nice to your wife, you know, kind of go home and maybe vacuum or something, she'll make you a great dinner. And, you know, if she makes you a great dinner, then, you know, maybe you should wash the dishes for her, show gratitude. And, you know, if you wash the dishes for her, then she'll do this and she'll do this. You know what that is? Besides behavior modification. And I might add a little bit of psychological. I won't go into that that area, but. Folks, that's a that's a contractual marriage. Isn't it? What's a contract? A contract is I'll do this for you if you do this for me. That's a contractual marriage. That's not a biblical marriage. That's a contractual marriage. Marriage is not about performance. You know why? We will always fail. We will always fail. So here's something I'd like to share. There are a couple passages that God has really led me to really think about, and of course, Most likely it's because I needed it as well, maybe even more than the people I was working with. But let me just read a couple and then let's talk about them. Matthew 7.1, do not judge, and Charlie brought this up this morning. I told him afterward, I said, you know what, we must serve the same God because he gave you the same message he gave me. Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own? How can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out of your eye when all the time there's a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye and then you will clearly see to remove the speck out of your brother's eye. Now, this gets in the area of judging, and I don't have the time today to really get in that area, but it's a great area. It really is, because it reveals something. It reveals what really rules our heart. But what I want to talk about is an area that is important as well, and that is that I believe that we all suffer from spiritual blindness. Spiritual blindness. And the shocking thing is, is that we're so blind, we don't even see that we're blind. And what does that spiritual blindness do? It's an amazing thing in marriage and relationships. It's what we just read. I never, when I have conflict with Wendy, I never see, I should never say never, I very often do not see how I'm at fault, that I've contributed to this. It's always the other person. That's what this passage is saying. Before you judge your brother for what they've said or done, look at yourself first. Look at yourself first. So the spiritual blindness is something I believe that we all struggle with. It is only when we look intently into the mirror of Scripture that we actually see ourselves as we are. The second passage I'd like to talk about is Romans 1.18. And I'm going to read the whole thing because I want it to be in proper context, but the most important part that we're going to talk about today is the second part. But listen to what this says. Romans 1.18. The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness. Since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world, God's invisible qualities, his eternal power and divine nature have been clearly seen being understood from what has been made so that men are without excuse. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him. But their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore, God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another." Now, let me just unpack that a little bit for you. What this passage is saying to us is that God created the world in such a way that His glory is obvious. When you wake up in the morning and look outside, do you see God's glory? When you wake up in the morning and see your wife or your husband, do you see God's glory? It's there. We don't see it. Why? Why don't we see that? So what this is saying is, and I find it interesting because it's usually used by commentators to talk about that God created the world in such a way that His glory was there and that men were without excuse. In other words, how can you say there is no God? How is that possible? How can you look up at night at the stars in the sky, the galaxies, and not realize that there must be a God that holds that all in place? So that's what it's saying. I like to take it a little bit further. And I just gave you a little bit of example of that. I believe it applies to us today as well. It's not just about salvation. I believe it's calling us to look at God's creation and realize that his glory is everywhere. And I'm gonna talk about it a little bit later. The primary purpose of that is to help us to realize an important thing. There's something out there that's greater than us. Something that's way more awesome than us. And yet we don't see it. We don't see it. I think the starting of verse 28 might give us some insight into why that is. Verse 28. Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, He gave them over to a deceived mind to do what ought not to be done. They become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed, depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice. They are gossips, God-haters, insolent, arrogant, boastful. They invent ways of doing evil. They disobey their parents. They are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God's righteous decree that those things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things, but they approve of those who practice this. So let's think about this a minute. First of all, I want you to look at something. Did you notice when I recited those sins, what those sins were like? They had a common theme. They were relational sins. Relational sins. Envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice, gossips, insolent, arrogant, boastful, invent ways of doing evil, senseless, faithless, heartless, those are relational sins. So what is this They exchange the truth of God for a lie. What is that all about? What's the lie? The lie is this. This is actually, I think, twofold. The lie of autonomy and the lie of self-sufficiency. The lie of autonomy is that my plan for my life, my agenda, is the ruling agenda. It's not God's agenda, it's my agenda. And I'm here to tell you, that's the world's view. The second one is the law of self-sufficiency. I have everything I need. Why do I need God? And what is the Bible saying? What's being said here is that because they did not retain the knowledge of God, he turned them over to their sinful nature. And I'm here to suggest, at least in my life, that this is what part of my problem is. So I've not retained the knowledge of God. Isaiah 53.6 is, I think, an awesome scripture. And what does it say? We all, like sheep, have gone astray. Each has turned to his own way. And the Lord has laid upon him the iniquities of us all. Have we gone astray in our marriages? Have we gone astray? Have we gone astray in our relationships with God? Because I will tell you this, and I'm not smart enough to have thought of this. I think it was either John Piper or Paul Tripp that said this. You can never help people in marriage horizontally until you first help them vertically. And see, that was my mistake when I first started. It was all horizontal. You just need to learn how to communicate better with your wife. Well, you need to learn how to control your anger. You need to do this. You need to do that. What was missing? It prompted me when I named my ministry to name it what I named it. It's not Brian's way to peace. It's his way to peace. He's the prince of peace, not me. Why didn't I ever think that I could help people? It's God that changes people's hearts, not me. I often like to say, I'm just a messenger. But you know what's so important? That what's communicated is the right message. It's the right message. Now, what I've been talking about, let me give you a term of what I'm talking about. And this is kind of what I've, and you know, as I tell people jokingly, I'm usually right about 30% of the time, so give me some grace here. really think that what we're talking about here is worldview. Worldview. So what is a worldview? A worldview is everything that we believe to be true. It's the way we interpret life, the way we respond to circumstances and the people is all based on a concept of what is our worldview. And a worldview is not something you sit down and read a book on and develop a worldview. A worldview is accumulation of everything that we learn. This is why it's important, folks, on what it is that we're taking in. It's what we watch on TV. It's what we hear on the radio. Unless you're watching Pilgrim Radio, then that's a good thing. It's what our friends tell us. It's what the church tells us. It's what God's words tells us. Those things in our life experiences, those things form our worldview. Now, what's important about worldview? Life is not about our experiences. Life is about interpreting our experiences. You see the difference of that? Remember we talked about spiritual blindness? If our worldview is not biblical, then everything that goes through these lenses are tainted by that view, that worldview. Now, as I thought about this, there are a couple scriptures that came to mind. I'd like to share this with you because they're important for us to remember. Colossians 2, 6 warns us about formulating our worldview. Let me read it for you. So then, just as you received Jesus Christ as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition, and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. That's talking about worldview. Romans 12.2, do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing, and perfect will. Now, BARNA is an organization that does research, and BARNA did a survey of this concept of a worldview. And they found something very interesting. They found that only 4% of Americans have a biblical worldview. 4% of Americans. And then they did a survey of what people claim to be as born-again Christians. 9%. of people who proclaim to be born-again Christians had a biblical worldview, 9%. So I think that says something. What is it that is formulating our interpretation of life and our marriage? What is it that we're filtering through? Because how our worldview impacts how we respond and relate to people. You see that? Let me give you some examples, but first, I'd like to do this. As I look across the room, you guys are all younger than me, so you may not be able to relate to this. But there was a song sung by Frank Sinatra. Anybody know which song I'm talking about? My Way. What a great, great song of worldview. Let me read the song to you. I'm not going to sing it to you. But let me read it to you. Now listen. Listen for the worldview in this. Not the biblical view, but the worldview. Listen to this. And now the end is here. And so I face the final curtain. My friend, I'll say it clear. I'll state my case of which I am certain. I've lived a life that is full. I've traveled each and every highway. And much more, much more than this, I did it my way. Isn't that pleasant? Regrets, I have a few, but then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption. I planned each chartered course, each careful step along the byway, and much, much more than this, I did it my way. Yes, there were times, I'm sure you know, when I bit off more than I could chew, but through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out. I faced it all and stood tall and did it my way. I've loved, I've laughed, and cried. I've had my fill, my share of losing. And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing. To think I did all that, and may I say, not in a shy way, oh no, not me, I did it my way. When I read this last stanza, it makes me feel sorry for the world. Listen to what it says. For those who do not have a biblical worldview. For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself, then he has not." Can you imagine an existence like that? To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels. The record shows I took the blows and I did it my way. Yes, it was my way. I'm afraid that I'm a little bit like that. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about what this worldview looks like. I think we saw a little bit of that. As I read through these things, I think you're going to pick up from that song some of these. What's a great worldview? See it in commercials all the time. You only live once, go for the gusto. Have you ever heard that one? You only live once, so, you know, got to make the most of it. Well, the problem with that worldview as it relates to relationships is this. If it's all about getting my gusto, if you're not helping me get it, then you must be against me. If you're not for me, you're against me. And my life, my agenda, my plan for my life is to get the most out of life, and if you're not helping me get that, then you must not be on my side. I'm the most important person I know. Now, I know you guys find that hard to believe, hearing that from an attorney. But understand this is not my view. At least I'm trying to get over that. Okay. What's the concept there? My own glory is the greatest glory in the universe. So everything I do has got to be for my glory. Imagine how that impacts relationships. I am the center of the universe. My mini kingdom is the kingdom that I live for. Now, some of you might think, well, yeah, that's interesting, Brian, but what does that have to do with marriage? I'm here to tell you that, at least I can speak about myself, that there are little kingdoms in my life that I live for. And you know what the sad thing is? They're not God's kingdom. They're my mini kingdom. And this is the one thing I think that God is calling us to, is to reveal those. If you remember the first part of Romans 119 talked about all the idols and stuff. Who is it that we live for? What is really important to us? Is it God's kingdom or mine? Don't get angry, get even. You ever heard that one? Is there any wonder why the world had to pass rage laws. So if you get mad at people on the highway, then they can convict you for highway rage or whatever it's called. Alright? Only in America. Only in America. Okay. The problem with this is the world view is that forgiveness is a sign of weakness. It's a sign of weakness. If I Seek forgiveness, or I say I'm sorry. I mean, I'll tell you this, and I can say this about myself. I shared this with Pastor Brian. There are two things that are difficult to say. One is a believer and one is a non-believer. For a non-believer, I think the most difficult for them to say, I think it's impossible biblically, is to say Jesus is Lord. What is it about us believers that we can't say we're sorry? What's that all about? We can't say we're sorry. It's the hardest thing to do. And you know what? I believe God's calling us to step back and say, what in the world is ruling my heart that I can't say I'm sorry? Okay. Concept of marriage. the world is that marriage is old-fashioned. Have you seen that? Marriage is old-fashioned. You know, today we just need to be more tolerant of everybody. Our problems were not tolerant, or as believers we're just judgmental. Well, again I don't take credit for this one because I'm not smart enough to have the spiritual wisdom to say this, but I think it was Paul Tripp that said this, is that Marriage is all about happiness. Let me back up. That's the worldview. Marriage is all about happiness. If I'm not happy, and I can't tell you how many times I've heard this. If I'm not happy, there's someone to blame. And you know who we usually point at? The person that's closest to us, our spouse. I'm not happy. Someone's to blame, but it isn't me. So it must be you. I hear that over and over and over again. How does that differ from what I was going to tell you what Paul Tripp said? Marriage is not about happiness. Marriage is not about happiness. Marriage is about holiness. About holiness. We don't understand that God created marriage to glorify him, primarily. but it's part of his redemptive plan. I think it's John Piper that says this. Have you ever wondered why God did not sanctify us all first before we got married? Wouldn't that be wonderful? No. God is using us. Your spouse was put into your life for a purpose. They're not the enemy. They're God's agent in his rescue plan in our lives. When we have that biblical worldview, it changes how we respond to one another. Let me give you a brief, I know this is hard for you to believe that an attorney can say this, but let me give you a brief synopsis of what a biblical worldview is. It's simply this, life's not about me, it's about God. You see the contrast with Frank Sinatra there? Life's not about me. It's about God. So how does that change things? One of the things I use in my biblical counseling ministry, and it's a very interesting exercise. Take a piece of paper, draw a big X down the middle, and in the upper left-hand corner I put, get it and want to get it. The right corner I put, get it and don't want to get it. Bottom left corner, I have don't get it and want to get it, and then the bottom right is don't get it and don't want to get it. And without explaining to people what getting it is, this shows you how desperately wicked my heart really is, because I kind of enjoy doing this, is I give them that, and I say, now tell me, where are you on this? No one ever asks me what getting it means. They go, oh, I'm over in this box here. I'm the get it and want to get it. And so, okay, let me rephrase the question for you. Get it and want to get it means that life's not about me, it's about God. Oh, I'm still in that box. I'm still in that box. Now let me give you some labels. The get it and want to get it box, I believe the Bible would call them the disciples. They get it and don't want to get it, I believe the Bible would call them the foolish. They don't get it and want to get it, I believe the Bible would call them the seekers. They don't get it and don't want to get it, they're the lost. And as I work with people, I keep coming back to this chart because despite their biblical knowledge, this head knowledge they have, there's something between here and here that's got clogged. It just doesn't seem to get past that Adam's apple. And what I helped him try to see is your relationships are the way they are because God desires to be first and easy in your marriage. Easy in your marriage. You know what's interesting? Most people say no. They say no. And that's the beginning. You see, it's the beginning. It's that retaining the knowledge of God, that God's got to be in the center of your marriage. As that scripture says, a threefold cord is not easily broken. I believe that God has got to be in the center of your marriage for it to be lasting. So how does a biblical worldview play out in marriage? A biblical worldview recognizes an important thing. There's a spiritual warfare going on for the rulership of your heart. Do you know that? There's a spiritual warfare going on for the rulership of your heart. I need to be suspicious of my heart. What are my motives? A list doesn't happen very often. If my wife, let's talk hypothetically here for a minute. Let's say my wife says something harsh to me. Now, most of the time it's true. I mean, I really need to hear it. Maybe you would want to modify a little bit the presentation of that. But as she does that, I'm left with an important opportunity. And I always use James 1.19. I always tell people this James 1.19 is great. Do not be quick to listen. Do not be... Let's see. It'll come, just a minute. It's going through a couple of different... Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. I say that's a great passage. You know why? Because we're responders. When my wife says something that I don't like, what do I want to do? Give her a little bit of back? You ever done that? Remember, don't raise your hand. You ever done that? Well, if you think, is that what you think of me, let me tell you what I think of you. Understand that at that moment, as we are being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, what am I doing? I'm saying, I'm stepping back, and I'm saying, okay God, my wife just said something to me. Is there any truth to that? Is God saying something through her to me that I need to hear? And then I say this, okay God, How can I glorify you in this moment? That's what we exist for, glorifying God. How can I glorify you in this moment? We are prone to trade evil with evil, insult with insult, rather than with good or blessing. That's our natural inclination to do that. Biblical worldview understands that we're all treasure hunters. You know what that means, treasure hunters? In Matthew it says, you know, we all live for a treasure. And it talks about, you know, you can't serve God and money, but I believe it's way broader than that. I believe that all of us live for a treasure. And that treasure is something that we want to protect. That treasure is something that we oftentimes worship and serve. And that treasure is suspect. Because you know what I'm here to tell you today? You know what the greatest treasure in the world is? A humbled, satisfied relationship with God and His glory. That's the greatest treasure in the world. But what do we do? We say, God, no thank you. I'm happy with my glory. I'm happy with my treasures, what I live for. And this is why we're blind. We're so horizontally focused, we never see vertical. I mean, as people are, you know, I sit and listen to people's stories about what the struggle is, and whatnot, and what I want, and what he wants, and there's a point in time where I simply say this to them. What does God want? What does God want? And what I find is profound is God's not even on the radar screen. He's not even on the radar screen. And so if a biblical worldview helps to understand things, we interpret things differently than the world does. Biblical worldview understands that when we judge one another, we're playing Satan. You know that Satan's the accuser of the brethren? When we judge one another, we're actually playing the role of Satan. And then when we go further and punish, because you didn't give me what I wanted, so I'm gonna judge you and I'm gonna punish you, we've forgotten that God's the lawgiver. He's the purveyor of justice, not us. I mean, how could you ever, when someone steals your jacket, your shirt, how could you ever give them your coat? What kind of mindset is that? It's a biblical mindset. You know why? We don't have to worry about justice. Justice is in God's hands. So that's the difference. It's not, you know, don't get mad, get angry, get even. No. What happens, I can turn over to God. Say, God, I'm going to put this foot across. I want you to deal with it for me. Help me with it. All right. A biblical worldview understands that life on earth is not the end. It's not the end. It's not, you got to go for the gospel because this is all there is. No, biblical worldview understands that this is just preparation for eternity. That's what life is, just preparation for eternity. Now, when you have that kind of biblical worldview, can you imagine how that changes the way you relate to other people? It changes everything. Life is just preparation for eternity. One of the things that I see so often that really comes into play with that is the desire to be right, desire to win. I'm right, they're wrong. It's that simple. Brian? My husband needs help. He's the problem. So when you get him fixed, just call me up and I'll come and pick him up. Life's preparation for eternity. Another biblical worldview is this. If we understand who we are in Christ, our identity in Christ, doesn't that change things? Who we are in Christ? The way I treat my wife is important to God. It's important to God. It's his child. It's his child. I think it's really a matter of stewardship. My belief is that one day we'll stand before God and have to give an account. I believe a couple things that we're going to have to give an account for is, one, what did you do with my son Jesus Christ? Did you believe in him? Did you follow him? I think the other one we have to give an account for is what did you do with the greatest, not the greatest, one of the greatest gifts I've given you is your spouse. And that's scary. I have to give an account for every other word I spoke. It's going to be a long meeting. Biblical worldview understands that, and this is something people don't get a grasp of, and I don't have much time to go into today, is forgiveness is not an option for a believer. Do you believe that? Do you believe that? There's a scripture that says, do not let the sun go down with anger in your heart. Do you know what the next part of that is? Because it's a foothold for Satan. Now, I want to distinguish something here. I believe forgiveness is not an option. Restoration may be. What I mean by that is that there may be times in marriages where forgiveness and even a sort of reconciliation takes place, but people cannot let go of the past, and so they're not willing to restore the relationship. So there's a difference between forgiveness and restoration. But I'm here to say to you that I think the Bible is unequivocally clear on this. Forgiveness is not an option for a believer. Trials. We go through lots of trials in life, don't we? Have you ever wondered what those are all about? Biblical worldview again, can I talk about it just briefly? It's part of God's redemptive plan. He's using these trials to mold us to be more like Christ. Paul Tripp says this, my greatest problem is not outside of me, it's inside of me. And what he's talking about there is that this battle between the spirit and the flesh, the battle of what rules my heart, it's an ongoing battle and it's a biblical worldview, we need to understand that. Because otherwise we're going to blame people. or circumstances. Okay. Let me try to get near a closing on this. The Apostle Paul is an interesting fellow. When you read some of the radical things that he said, you've got to scratch your head and say, is that all about? At least I do. Let me just read a couple to you. I mean, if this does not give us a glimpse of what it looks like to have a biblical worldview. Philippians 21.1. To live is Christ, to die is gain. How does that work? To live is Christ, to die is gain? You see, what he's saying is, is that he he'd reached a point where he had realized that the ultimate treasure, the greatest thing, is his intimate relationship with God. To live is Christ, to die is gain. Can you imagine in our marriages, in our relationships, if we had that biblical worldview, how that would change things? To live is Christ, to die is gain. Galatians 2.19. For through the law I died to the loss that I might live for God. I've been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but it is Christ that lives within me. Philippians 3, 7. For whatever was to my profit, I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, This is amazing. I consider everything a loss compared the unsurpassing greatness of knowing Jesus Christ, my Lord, for whom's sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, rubbish, that I might gain Christ and be found in Him. So what is it that Paul had found? The same thing we need to find in our marriages. We need to reach a point in our marriages where our focus is on glorifying God, but our focus is this, that we have such a humble, satisfied, intimate relationship with God that nothing else matters. It's rubbish. It's rubbish. If we had that kind of attitude in our marriages, it would free us from a desire to punish, to judge, to be critical, all those things would go away. So what is God calling us to? I believe God is calling us to step back and look at our relationships, our marriages, and say, okay, If God created me to glorify him, if he created marriage to glorify him, is that happening in my marriage? And if not, why not? And I think if you do that examination, I think you're going to find that there are things that are very subtle. I think this biblical worldview that we have has been tainted to some degree. It's not something we consciously do. I think it's very subtle, how it changes the way we view things. And so my challenge to you is it is to me. I mean, God challenged me on this first, is, Brian, is your marriage, what you say and what you do to your wife ultimately is an issue of who you worship. who you worship. To the extent that how you respond to your wife or act toward your wife does not glorify God, you're glorifying something else. And you know what it usually is? I'm here to tell you that God has a desire to free us from us. He came to save us from us. Did you know that? We learned in that two-way-to-live, I don't know if most of you or some of you went through that, it was an awesome study. But it's used as an evangelical tool. What's really amazing to me is that it even goes beyond that. It even goes beyond leading a person to Christ. It really asks us the question, we have two ways to live, what way are we living? If those of you, you know, we have the little crowns and the big crowns and stuff, that's what this is all about, is that we have our own kingdoms we're living for. We have our own kingdoms. So I believe that God is challenging us to understand what Revelations 4.11 tells us, which is one of the scriptures that we memorize. Jesus Christ died for sins once for all. Why? This is what the gospel is all about. If we don't get this, he died once and for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring us to God. To bring us to God. I think he's calling us all to more intimate, humble, satisfied fellowship with him. And as we do that, I believe it will transform our hearts, and I believe that our marriages will ultimately glorify God. Now before I pray, I'd like to ask this question. Is there anyone here today who doesn't know this awesome God that we're talking about? And if there is, I'd like to introduce it to him, or there would be other people up here that could pray with you. But I want you to experience something more than Frank Sinatra experienced. I want you to experience a life that has meaning and purpose. And that only comes with a relationship with Christ. So let me close in prayer. Father God, I just thank you for the gospel. I just thank you for your patience in our sanctification, Father. I just pray that as we leave today, Lord, that we will really think this through. Who is really the Lord of my life? Who really is on the throne of my life? Who is it that I worship? When I respond to situations and people, who or what am I worshiping at that moment, Father? Just give us the ability to do that. Because Lord, I just believe that all of us really have a desire to glorify you. But it's a struggle. It's a battle between flesh and spirit. It's that heart that is an idol factory, Father. And so I just pray that you will reveal that to us, that you will peel away the scales in our eyes, the spiritual blindness that we have. Lord, just help us to be instruments in your hands to glorify you in our relationships with our wife and our husband. And Lord, we'll be sure to give you all the praise and glory. In Jesus' name, amen. We hope you've enjoyed this message from Grace Community Church in Minden, Nevada. To receive a copy of this or other messages, call us at area code 775-782-6516 or visit our website gracenevada.com.