All right. Well, guys, I'm thankful we can be together again today for this hour to talk about a topic that is so needed in the realm of Christian living, in the realm of biblical counseling, and that is the topic of parenting and child development. This is class number 11 in our handout, class number 11. And just a little bit of heads up next week, the topic will be, and Mike is going to lead next week, on being a biblical husband. And that will be the topic next week. And then in two weeks, the final topic in the counseling study will be a biblical understanding of sanctification, understanding what it means to grow with Christ and how fighting sin and repentance and progression toward Christlikeness fits in there. So I trust it will be helpful. for you. But today, class number 11 on parenting and child development, I want to be the first to acknowledge that I don't have all the answers to this topic, but God does. And even though we all as men in this room are frail, We are weak, every single man here. We are imperfect when it comes to parenting, grandparenting, coming alongside of other men. We are weak. We all acknowledge that. We have our, our, um, faults and our sins and our failures. And yet guys, if you, if you hear anything today, hear this, uh, the Bible has the sufficient guidance for us in parenting. And also hear this, it's never too late. And never forget that the grace of God is greater than our sin and greater than our weakness. So wherever we fail in parenting and child development, just Remember the power of God and the power of the word of God and the power of the gospel and the sovereign timing of God in everything. So don't, don't lose heart as we go through this today. Now you have a nine page handout. I'm going to stick kind of close to these today. I don't want to read it word for word, but I, I want this to be my guide today because there's so much that I just packed in this outline that I just don't want to miss. Let's begin with a couple of introductory quotes on the topic. Martha Peace and Stuart Scott have a book entitled Faithful Parenting. If you're a parent or a grandparent, or you know somebody who's going to be a parent, this is a must read. It's newly published. I mean, maybe the last five years or so. Very good book. The authors write this, faithfulness, not perfection is rewarded by the Lord. Okay. Take a sigh of relief. Faithfulness, right? Not perfection. That's because we can no more live a sinless life than we can make our children do the same thing. Only our Lord Jesus is He who knew no sin. He never sinned, but we do. And He knew we would need His help and encouragement to raise our children faithfully as He desires. We have a Savior who can relate to us, right? We have a merciful and faithful high priest. Paul Tripp puts it like this in the next quote, when you think your job is to change your child, I'm guilty of that so often guys, and you've been given the power to do it, your parenting is going to tend to be demanding, aggressive, threatening, and focused on rules and punishments. In this kind of parenting, you're working to make your children into something rather than working to help them see something and seek something. In this form of parenting, it is all about you and your children, rather than you being an agent of what only God can do in your children. Your hope is that you will exercise the right power at the right time and in the right way. So change in your children will result. That process is profoundly different than working to be a useful tool in the hands of a God of glorious, transforming grace, who alone is your hope. and the hope of your children. And with that, if I could just sort of give a scripture to you. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 4 verse 2, it is required of stewards that one be found faithful. You know, guys, again, what does God want for parents? It is not perfection. He doesn't demand perfection. He calls for faithfulness. And that's my goal for today. Now, what I want to do when you're dealing with parenting, you've got all different stages and seasons of life. Some of you have older kids. Some of you have younger kids. Some of you don't have kids yet. We're all, we're in different seasons together. So I'm going to give a number of case studies today that I've gleaned from books and kind of embellished a little bit and elaborated on just to kind of help us think through these topics. Here is the first case study just to introduce the topic. Christina would not do her homework. Her teacher called Christina's parents to solicit help, but her parents could not help. A 12-year-old Christina would not obey mom and dad. Christina was not submitting to their authority, and they had hoped that school would provide the direction and motivation that they had not been able to provide for their daughter at home. And this story is not unusual, we might say, right? By the ages of 10 to 12 in So much of my reading, I'm not saying this all by experience because my kids aren't even 10 to 12 yet, but in my reading and in my study, scores and scores of children have already left and departed from home. Maybe not physically. But the many numbers of children who have effectively departed from dad and mom as their authority, honoring them, submitting to them, hearing them, listening to them and their guidance is gone. And so on the next page, our culture has lost its way with respect to parenting. I think we could all acknowledge that, right? We are, as Ted Tripp puts it, a rudderless ship without a compassion. We lack direction and we lack the capacity to even direct ourselves in this society in which we live. Now, a couple of paragraphs below that, I want to encourage you men with something. There is only one faithful parent, one perfect parent who has ever existed. God. God, the father. In fact, if I just read this for you, Isaiah chapter one, we know Isaiah, we know it's all about the coming Messiah, right? And the, and the judgment that would come upon Israel and the hope that comes for Israel. Did you know that Isaiah chapter one, verse two begins with God talking about his children. Verse two, listen, Oh heavens. And here Oh earth for the Lord speaks children, sons, I have reared and brought up. But even the perfect father has children that have revolted against me. Turn to Isaiah chapter 30. Same thing. Isaiah chapter 30. Here's the perfect father, the perfect father, the only one who's ever been flawless in his rearing of children. Look at verse one of Isaiah 30. Woe to the rebellious children, declares the Lord, who execute a plan, but not mine. They make an alliance, but not of my spirit in order to add sin to sin. God is the perfect parent. And yet here he is saying, my children, they're adding sin to sin. They've rebelled. They've gone wayward. They have disobeyed against me. In fact, look at how bad they are. Verse nine. This is a rebellious people, false sons, sons who refuse to listen. If there's ever a man in this room who has a child, a son or a grandson, and you're like, they won't listen. God can relate. God can relate. They would not listen to the instruction of the Lord. They say to the seers in verse 10, you must not see visions into the prophets. You must not prophesy to us what is right. They say, speak to us pleasant words, prophesy illusions. They just want ear tickling things, right? Verse 18, therefore, the Lord longs to be gracious to you. What does it, what does a faithful father do when you've got rebellious children like that? Verse 18 is the heart. He wants to be gracious to you. Therefore, he waits on high to have compassion on you for the Lord is a God of justice. How blessed are those who long for him? So guys, if anything today, be reminded that your God, your father can relate as a father. He had children who went away from him. And I think that's encouraging because that's a model for us. I think God the Father sets a pattern for us. It's a picture, a pattern as our example for us to follow. And we have a wonderful pattern, not only in the character of God, but men in the Word of God. You know, maybe in a moment of frustration, you said, I wish my children came with an owner's manual, you know? But the Word of God is the book that God has given to guide dads and moms of all ages through the parenting seasons. The Bible was written for our instruction so that through the word of God, we have encouragement from the scriptures and we have hope. We have hope. Remember guys, hope is never, it's never bound by, tethered to the situations of this life. If it is, we're going to be going up and down. Hope is always got a couple of chairs here, brother. Come on in or a chair there. But we find encouragement knowing that our hope is tethered to the Lord, the unchanging character of our great God. So guys, In parenting, in grandparenting, as hard as it may be, always be reminded of this. The Bible is adequate. The Bible is sufficient. You and I are inadequate. We are weak. We are sinful. We can't effect change. We can't do it. The Word of God can. The Gospel can. And so we have the Word of God at our disposal. Now, still by way of introduction, look at the bottom of page 90, just a couple of headings and in some reading and research and thinking, I want to kind of gather some introductory remarks on parenting around four headings. Number one, authority. authority. We are all designed by God. Before we demand authority, we are under authority. We are under authority. We are God's agent to direct our children for God's glory and for their good. So as a parent, you and I should exercise authority over the child. But at the same time, I can't make my child submit to authority. I just can't. I suppose I could maybe by brute force make them obey me, but their heart may be very far from me, which isn't true biblical obedience and submission. Number two, shepherding. Another heading here, shepherding. The parent is the child's guide, just like a shepherd guides sheep. You are to shepherd a child to really view himself rightly and discern the way that he responds to life rightly. We need to not only understand the what of their actions, what did you do, but the why. What's the motive, the behavior, the heart that leads to those actions. Third, centrality of the gospel, right? The central focus in our parenting is the gospel. I read this in a book, actually the book I referenced at the beginning, The Faithful Parent. A faithful parent is to prepare our children for judgment day. It's not to convert them. That doesn't mean that you've succeeded or failed if a child is converted. We want to be faithful, but we are to prepare them to meet God on that final day. That's our duty. We want to be faithful to preach, to evangelize, to love, to model, to pray, to imitate. And the gospel is our central focus as a parent and grandparent. Fourth, internalization. And we know that our children must personally embrace and wholeheartedly internalize the message of the gospel. And in an amazing way, God has given parents many opportunities, many opportunities and endless circumstances to bring the gospel to bear, right? It's like, it's like everything that happens in the home is a shepherding moment, right? everything, how they act, how they talk, how they respond, how they react. It's like, I could take the time. It might be inconvenient for me in the moment, but it's a shepherding opportunity. And we've got hundreds of them in the course of our week with our children. We want the gospel to be internalized in their hearts. Now, on page 91 of your outline, what I'm doing today For parents is I want to call you and I want to call me to be a couple of bullet points here proactive I want you to be intentional. I want you to be diligent We must be persevering And we must be prayerful Parenting is hard work. However young, however old the children may be, it's hard work. Whatever the age, however many, it's hard work. We get that. But under that, successful parenting is this. It's to be faithful to God's word by the grace of God and for the glory of God. If you convert your children or if you don't convert your children, it's not your doing anyway. First of all, it's the working of God in spite of us, not because of us. So being faithful to God is the goal. We all want our children and grandchildren converted. We all acknowledge that. But that doesn't make a successful parent. We want to be faithful to the word of God. You have a little box or a little section there of different stages of parenting. You know, in reading and research on parenting books, this is an inspire, but maybe kind of a way to help thinking different seasons of life in parenting, right? You know, give me your attention, right? One to five, give me your heart, six to 11, and then give me your hand. And you can kind of read the different phases, therefore leading and shepherding and probing the hearts of the children. Now, if you're here and not married, you don't have children or if you don't have children or if you're single and the kids are long gone and you think, or if you're married and the kids are long gone and you say, I don't have any children in my home today. I would ask that you not tune out because of a couple of reasons. Four things. Number one, I would, I would call you to prayer. We have room on the pew there, brother. Come on in. But I just want to, Humbly call your brothers to prayer. Number two, seek you for accountability. As a dad of young kids myself and every other dad that has children in the home, we'd say we need your accountability. We need your help. We want your help and your prayers. Number three, we entreat you for encouragement. If you've been there and done that and you've had children in the home and they're out, we need your encouragement. We need you to say, You know, keep going, keep persevering. God is faithful. And then number four, we invite you for partnership in this journey with us. So if you're single or if the kids are out of the home, please don't tune out. Be reminded, be taught and come alongside of those in this discipleship mentoring relationship in the local church. So parenting, how do you teach on parenting in 45 minutes, right? In a biblical, I mean, you could have a whole class on parenting teens or parenting infants or toddlers. I want to give you five parenting principles. I'm not going to get real specific in all the weeds of everything. I'm going to give you some flyover help, some principles really from the book of Proverbs. So you can take your Bible because we're going to be all through Proverbs in our time together. And whether you have young children, whether you have elementary school, junior high kids, or if they're high school, These are principles, I think, that we can all cling to, okay? Number one, bottom of page 91, the first parenting principle. This is Biblical Counseling 101, but here it is. Go for the heart. Go for the heart. Now, if you're on page 91 of your counseling packet there, look at this statement by Paul Tripp. And this, I mean, this is so hard. but it's so essential. In parenting, we are not just dealing with our child's behaviors. We are, that's true. We're dealing with that, but not just. We are dealing with our child's condition. Condition. On the top of the next page, consider this. Our children, they don't just make foolish choices. Why would you do this? Why would you make that decision? Why would you do whatever that choice may be? They make foolish choices because they are lost. Now, that doesn't mean that all the kids are always unsaved, meaning they've just veered away from the path of truth. That's the idea here. They don't just have trouble getting along with their siblings. They have trouble getting along with them because they're lost. Our children aren't just lazy, they're lazy because they're lost. Everything that we deal with as a parent is a result of something deeper that we must be in our understanding and in our focus. Why are they doing this? Why are they responding this way? Why are they talking? Why are they making that choice? Those are things to address, but the deeper issue is the heart. I read this years ago and this has so helped me and I so often forget it, but I put it here for all of us. Every child born in this world is hardwired to believe two lies. Number one, the lie of autonomy, the lie of autonomy. I am my own authority. I am my own self-governing king. The world is mine. I want what I want and you're in my way, dad or mom or brother or sister or whoever. The temper tantrum, right? Or the anger flares because of that heart sin of autonomy. A second lie that every child is born with in this world is the sin of self-sufficiency. I have everything. within myself to be what I need to be and to know what I need to know and to do what I need to do. I can do it. Follow your heart. All this kind of stuff that we hear in our day. We need to be mindful as parents that these are two lies of autonomy and self-sufficiency that we are constantly battling against as we go for the heart. our parenting. Again, Tripp puts it like this, as a parent you're never ever dealing just with the words and actions of the kids, but you're always also dealing with the thing that controls the words and the behavior, namely the heart. So let's go to Proverbs 3, Proverbs chapter 3, and let me just kind of give you a brief little fly over here. Let's go through some of these. Proverbs 3 verse 1. Solomon the wisest man who ever lived other than Christ teaching his own son Verse 1 my son do not forget my teaching but let your heart Keep my commandments look at verse 3 do not let kindness and truth leave you bind them around your neck and write them on the tablet of your heart Look at Proverbs chapter 4 and verse 4. Then he taught me and said to me, let your heart hold fast my words. Look at Proverbs 4 21. Do not let them, that is my words, depart from your sight. Keep them in the midst of your heart. And then verse 23, watch over your heart with all diligence for from it flow the springs of life. And we could add like 20 or 30 more references in Proverbs. The heart, the heart, the heart. It's the cockpit of our children's lives. It's what directs what they do and why. They do. Two examples. Okay, real quick. When a two and three year old frequently says, I want a toy, whatever, or I don't want this or no, I don't want this. That foolish heart in the child is living out of the immediacy of that child's lusts and cravings and expectations and hopes and fears. Right then, we call it a temper tantrum in our society. But right here, do you know what that is? It's a question of authority. It's an issue of authority. Will the child live under the authority of God and therefore under the authority of his parents, or will he choose to live under his own authority, driven by his own passions and his own desires? And that's where we as parents come in to help them see that. and shepherd them through their heart decisions. That's a young child. Well, let's look at an older child. It's Tuesday afternoon and mom is in the kitchen. She's nervous because she's been in the house for in an hour working hard. A family of six is going to arrive for dinner and she's not remotely ready to have them all over. She doesn't even feel ready to have hospitality. And meanwhile, in the family room and full side of the mom are all three of the kids, seven, nine, and 11, and they're playing video games, right? The toys are scattered all around the floors. Table is not set. Mom is busy working in the kitchen. She's frustrated, stressed, and sad. And lots of cleaning could be done to prepare for the guests. What's wrong here? You could say, well, mom is discouraged and she's nervous. She's frustrated. She's stressed out. But the kids could care less. They could care less. The kids don't offer to help. They don't care. Now, you and I. We wouldn't want such a person to be our friend, right? Which is so inconsiderate. They're acting in the moment. They're unfeeling, they're insensitive, they're selfish, uncaring. What God is revealing in that moment about their hearts is not okay. Because we cannot focus only on the obedience, but the character. What do you mean? Look at the next page. They've not rebelled against a command. They didn't disobey a command. But what they're doing is wrong because it's a lack of character. It's showing that in that moment, they're choosing to love themselves rather than love mom and serve her. They're not doing what is good and right and loving and kind. It's not a blatant sin, but it's a lack of character. Shepherding opportunity to go for the heart, to go for why they're doing, why they're responding, and acting the way that they are, going for the heart. And guys, Proverbs is so filled with help on this. And this is hard because going for the behavior is easy. Stop doing that. But going for the heart, it's time-consuming. It's hard. It's emotionally draining. Open up the scriptures. That's inconvenient, but that's what God calls us to as parents. So go for the heart. That's the first principle for parenting. Number two, guard your tongue. Guard your tongue. Now, when we talk about parenting, we could say, here's how we are to help our children act. And there's an element of truth to how we want to help our kids with that. But God brings children into our lives for us just as much as for them. to sanctify us, to expose our sin, right? My impatience and my anger and my fear and worry and so on. Guarding your tongue. The point here, guys, with number two in this parenting principle is our speech should be seasoned with salt, always with grace. We want to guard what we say, how we say it, when we say it, why we say it. Look at Proverbs 10, 11. I typed it here in your notes. Proverbs chapter 10 and verse 11 says this. The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. Isn't that great that as a parent, don't you and I want our mouths to be fountains of wisdom? Look at the paragraph here. As a parent, you're a resident in home unpaid biblical counselor. And isn't this what you want your home, your counseling room to become? A fountain of life. What more of an apt description could there be for biblical counseling and teaching in the home from which flows the words of eternal life? To be a fountain bringing forth wisdom. You know Proverbs 15 verses one and two, but let me, let me read it for us. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Now that verse is one that we say in our home all the time, guys, all the time, not just for the kids, but for mom and dad as well. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. But look at verse two. The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable. I mean, I could have all the knowledge in the world. I could say, kids, listen to me. But wait, the tongue of the wise is what makes the knowledge attractive. But the mouth of fools spouts out falling. There's a paragraph there that's very helpful on how our knowledge is presented to our children. Proverbs 15 is a very helpful section there on guarding the tongue. Let me read Proverbs chapter 16, verses 23 and 24. The heart of the wise instructs his mouth and it adds persuasiveness to his lips. Pleasant words are a honeycomb sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." And Ted Tripp has a comment on this verse and he says, you know, Maybe it could be that there's so many young people that don't listen to our instruction because our words are not persuasive. They're not like honey. They're mean, they're angry, they're bitter, they're frustrated. We might have the right thing to say, but it might be filled with a harsh, and insensitive tone. Look at chapter 17 and verse 9. He who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends. That repeating of sin is the unnecessary disclosure of other people's sins. Man, you did that before. Man, you've always done this. It's kind of like I'm opening the box of all their faults that they've done before. You've done this in 1 Corinthians 13, it says, love does not keep a record of wrongs, right? There's an element in parenting that we need to guard, not just what we say, but how we say it as well. And I give you a couple of other Proverbs there. But before we go to the third point, turn to Proverbs 23. I've been doing something and I don't know if you've heard of this or if you do it, but I read a chapter of Proverbs a day, right? 31 chapters of Proverbs, often 31 days a month, just a chapter a day. And I just go through Proverbs each month. And I came across this section, Proverbs 23 verses 15 and 16. This is gold. This is what I want and what you and I want for our children. My son, verse 15, if your heart is wise, my own heart will be glad, right? Every parent could say that. And my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right. Look at verse 23. By truth, do not sell it. Get wisdom and instruction and understanding. That's what we want, right? That brings joy to us. But there's that element that we need to go for the heart. We need to watch our tongues as well. Let's keep going. Just a couple of more points. Number three, mind the moment. Mind the moment. I think this is helpful just in terms of communication in general, parenting, marriage, friendship, church ministry, whatever. There's a right time to say things and there's a wrong time to say even the right things, right? Ephesians 429, I call it the Ephesians 429 principle, according to the need of the moment, right? Ephesians 5.16, making the most of your time. Proverbs 15.23, a man has joy in an apt answer, and how delightful is a timely word, Proverbs 15 says. Proverbs 12, Verse 25, anxiety in a man's heart weighs it down. Maybe you've been there with growing children full of just worry, anxiety, fear. It's just weighing them down. But God says a good word, a good word, a good word right here can make it glad. Then in Proverbs chapter 25 and verse 11, like apples of gold and settings of silver is a word spoken in the right circumstance. When children are young, the younger, the more immediate the correction, the rebuke, the reproof, the discipline needs to happen. And as the children grow and as they age and as they mature and as they're able to communicate and dialogue and you can probe for the heart, this certainly comes more into play where I need to mind the moment. Not every moment is the right moment to just bring out, you know, the dump truck of rebuking and reproof. We all know that marriages and friendships, there's a right time and a wrong time to say such things. Look at this example here at the bottom of the page. Consider a scenario with a child in need of spanking to mind the moment. If there's a young child, or if we've given a direction that the child has heard and is within his capacity to understand, and yet he has not obeyed. He has not obeyed without challenge, without excuse, and without delay. Here's what God says, that child needs a spanking. If you fail to spank, you fail to take the Word of God seriously. I mean, just point blank. Don't take it up with me or another counselor. It's what God says. You're saying that you don't believe what the Bible teaches about these important issues. We're saying that we don't love our child enough to do the painful things in that moment when they disobey to bring the rod and to love and shepherd them and point them to the truth. But as that child develops, As the child gets older, it's not so much that we're going to use the rod in the moment, but we probe the heart more. We're going to, we're going to bring out the heart and understand the motives of why, you know, my eight, 10, 12, 15 year old is making the decisions that they are. But it's like that proverb. like apples of gold and settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances. And as men, we need to hear that because we can be caught up in the moment. We can be caught up in the moment of emotion, maybe of frustration, maybe of anger, and we want to deal with it right now. And we just sort of want to let loose of everything that we've seen that there's a right moment to shepherd our children in the instruction and reproof that is needed. Now, I fly through that to get to these final two points, and they're theological, but I think that they're so important when it comes to parenting. Number four, maintain sound theology. In parenting, in life, but in parenting, we have to fight against letting our emotions rule. We have to live by what we know to be true. We have to live by what we know to be correct. We have to follow the truth of the Word. Now, here's what I mean. Turn to Proverbs 19, verse 3. Proverbs 19, verse 3. The foolishness of man ruins his way and his heart, the foolish man's heart, the nonbeliever, his heart, What does it say in theologically? Rages against the Lord. Children that have not come to faith, their hearts are raging against God. Now, can they, can they obey and can they be sweet and tender? And should we love on them? Absolutely. Of course. But if they're not in Christ, if they're not saved yet, if God has not brought them to himself, their heart is raging against the Lord, right? The Bible teaches you're either in the kingdom of Satan or the kingdom of Christ, right? The kingdom of light or the kingdom of darkness. You're either born again or you're not. We have to remember our sound theology, that my children, if they're not believers, their hearts are raging against the Lord. Whatever I do as a parent can't change them. I want to direct them. I want to help them. But it's really a heart salvation issue. Ultimately, like Proverbs 11 and verse three, the integrity of the upright will guide them, but the crookedness of the treacherous will destroy them. Parenting is a rescue mission because all of our children, as we all know, are born from us and they've inherited the sin nature from us, from Adam. God has given us the opportunity to be rescuers so that, verse 3, they're not destroyed by their own treachery. We have to maintain our sound theology. Look at Proverbs 10, 23. Doing wickedness is like sport to a fool. Isn't it like that in our day? Man, it's like, it's like, it's like Child's play to do sin in our day. It's laughable. That's what our culture, but we have to be reminded Wickedness is like sport to a fool and our job is to fight against that As we teach and parent our kids even Proverbs chapter 24 gives us this warning Proverbs 24 21 and And if you're there in your Proverbs, you can hear this because Proverbs 24, 21, my son, so he's talking directly to his son. My son, fear the Lord and the King. Do not associate with those who were given to change for their calamity will rise suddenly. And who knows the ruin that comes from both of them? My son, listen to me. I want you to fear God. You know, that is maintaining sound theology. Is obedience important? Of course. Is it important to give our children, you know, home rules and things they must abide by? Of course, of course. But we want to maintain our sound theology so it doesn't turn into a behaviorism type lifestyle. We want to help our children. with that. Now look at the bottom of the page. Let's just skip to this case study. Let's do a young one and an older one. Bottom of page 95, you've got a four year old, four year old son, and you see him hit his two year old little sister. And you say to your son who just punched his little sister, why in the world would you do such a thing? Now, now guys, here's what you want the child to say. I hit her because of the sin of my heart. It just makes me sinful and selfish and jealous and violent. And I'm a person who needs to be rescued from myself and my, my desires and from my own sin. In fact, dad, the greatest is danger. Danger lives in me and not outside of me because I need a savior. But for that idea of savior, we wish, but in reality, We've been there many times. And maybe it's not this particular occasion, guys, but we've all been there. We've had this conversation. No, what does the kid say? She keeps taking my toys. And I tell her not to, but she just won't listen to me. So why don't you yell at her for not listening and taking my toys without asking? At that point, you're discouraged because you think we've been here so many times. Or another case study. You've got an 18-year-old, a teenager. You told him to be home by 12 midnight, but he's late again. And the door finally bursts open at 1230 and the teen says that he doesn't like your curfews. In fact, he's late frequently and you're discouraged because it's happened again and again and again. Now, your theology comes into play right here. Now, I want to read this carefully. The gospel provides the ultimate model of what God has called us to do as parents. We are in God's family as God's children, but you and I are not complete because there's massive change that still is taking place in us, right? We all acknowledge that the power of sin is broken for a believer. Yes, but you and I are still battling sin daily, right? We battle with the presence of sin, right? That still remains and it is progressively removed. how patient God is with our progressive sanctification. What an example for dads. Progressive change. Progressive. Next bullet point. Transformation is a lifelong process. Parenting, one of my resources said, often is not a series of life-threatening confrontation confession events. No, it's a lifelong process of incremental awarenesses of progressive change, small little decisions and ship. Now there can be big things from time to time, but often there's these little moments over the long haul. in the progressive journey of parenting. But what do we want to do? We want to maintain sound theology. We want to keep the gospel in our minds. We want to remember how God treats us. Look at this bottom paragraph under the next heading, above the next heading. Exercising control over our children so that you may deliver many good things and in so doing shape their behavior is just not enough in parenting. God has actually called you to more. God calls you to do more than just battle for control. God calls you to remind yourself and your children that the greatest danger in life lives inside of you and not outside of you. Isn't that a good line? So parenting is about being used of God to bring your children to the wholesome and the heart-changing place of, get this, personal helplessness. May the Lord help us to keep that in mind. What is God giving every parent the opportunity to day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment, circumstance by circumstance, bring that child to a place of personal helplessness where they throw up the hand and they say, dad, I can't. Oh, wouldn't that be a wonderful. You're right. You can't. And I can't either. but I know the one who can." Right? And boom, you're writing the gospel. And that's our goal. That's our desire. And that's the sound theology that we want to, by the grace of God and by the spirit of God, help us in our day-to-day parenting. As we remember, if our children are believers, it's progressive growth with Christ. They're still gonna sin. They're still gonna make foolish choices, but we help them. If our children are not believers yet, or if we're not sure yet, then okay, Lord, their heart just may be raging against you. God, use me. use me as I bring the word that change would happen by the power of the gospel as I seek to be patient and loving toward them. Does that make sense? One more with that, and I put a bunch here in the outline, but number five, and hopefully just an encouragement for us, rely on God. You know, guys, you could be, man, you could be the perfect parent ever. You could read every parenting book and just do it. But God was, and Israel rebelled. And we read that in Isaiah 1 and Isaiah 30, they rebelled. So I'll just read the top statement here. Under number five, your hope as a parent is not found in your power, in your wisdom, in your character, in your experience or your success, but in this one thing alone, in the presence of the Lord. He is the creator, the savior, almighty sovereign king. He is with you and he will expose your weaknesses in parenting so that you'll run to him, not be in despair, not give up, not lash out in a rage, but God, I need you. And isn't that just the cry of the gospel? I mean, Lord, I need you. God, I beg you for help. Look at the middle of the next page, page 97, just kind of by way of conclusion here. We never want to underestimate the need for and the supernatural nature of the new birth. You know, guys, what our children need is just radical spiritual heart surgery that only the finger and the instruments of God can do. You and I can't do it. So we maintain our sound theology, but ultimately, you know what we do? This all drives us to prayer. Now we want to be faithful. Yes. And I've, I've given you maybe a few principles, but I acknowledge I've not given you a ton of specifics on, on how to deal with, you know, the wayward three year old or the rebellious 17 year old. I don't have the answers for that right now. And there's good resources out there for that. But ultimately to remember, God, I need to come to you in prayer. in prayer. And if you get nothing else out of this class on parenting, be reminded of that. Yes, you want to go for the heart. Yeah, we have to mind our tongue and mind the moment and maintain a sound theology. And yes, we want to rely upon God, and that will manifest itself in prayer. You know, wise is the parent who comes off and on his knees before the Lord, right? I mean, just begging God for help. I can't do this, Lord. Obedience is good, and we must call for obedience, right? Submission is important, and we ought to call for that. Giving household rules is important, and we ought to do that. Discipline is important, and there's a place for that, absolutely. But let's remember the importance of the new birth. Proverbs 28, let me just read one or two Proverbs. In closing, Proverbs 28 verse 14, how blessed is the man who fears always, but he who hardens his heart. will fall into calamity." God, help me to be just a man of fear, godly fear, the fear of God. Proverbs 19 and verse 23, I skipped over it, but I want to read this. The fear of the Lord leads to life so that one may sleep satisfied. How do you sleep satisfied in all the tough moments of life? Fear God, trust in Him, run to Him. And then Proverbs 18 and verse 10, the name of the Lord is a strong tower and the righteous runs into it and is safe. Guys, run to the Lord. Run to him. He's a mighty, strong refuge. And he's the perfect father who can relate. He can relate. So for those of you that are older, maybe the children are gone, they're out of the home, us younger guys, we would plead with you. Pray for us, pray with us, encourage us, give us words of exhortation, hold us accountable. We need it, we plead. If you have parents in the home, keep persevering, keep battling, keep being faithful. And may the Lord help us to that end. Amen. You know, I know that there are so many questions. I get it. That could come with this. If there are, let me just state this. If there are, if you have a practical, Jeff, I get it. The teaching, fine. But what about this? Please email me or seek me out or call me and let's, let's walk through it together. And maybe there'd be a venue for a blog or a podcast or something that could be helpful for the other guys. But, but, but feel free to do that. There's not time now, but feel free to do that. Okay. All right, Father, thank you for these men. Lord, we pray and ask for your help. Guide us, we pray, into the truth of your word, even in the context of parenting. Do a great work in us and through us for your glory. Amen.