Hey, look, they're coming again. Ha! I wouldn't have thought that after the way they were treated last time. I wouldn't have thought we'd ever see them again. I'm surprised, but now it looks like there's more of them. A lot more of them. In fact, whoa, look down there. There's a bunch of them. Oh man, there's hundreds of them. And this time they've got swords. Oh boy, this isn't good. You better go tell Abigail. Go run and tell her. Tell her what? Just tell her that over the last six months, every time we were out in the field, the only reason our master's sheep didn't get stolen was because of them. They were like a wall around us. They protected us and there was a bunch of times when gangs would come and they would have cleaned us out, but David's men stepped in and protected us. When they were dumb enough to try to attack, they didn't last five minutes against David's guys. And besides that, these guys, they were so nice to us. They were always helpful. Every time we needed something, they were lending us a hand and just being kind to us. They've been so good to us. And so last week, David sent like a dozen guys to come and meet Nabal, our master, and just ask him for a little food. That's all he asked for, which we owe them a lot more than just a little food. But Nabal was his typical, proud, arrogant self. And he belittled them, he insulted them, and then sent them away empty-handed. So go on and tell Abigail. She'll know what to do. And tell her it's not just a dozen men this time, it's like 400 of them, and they're armed, and they're mad. Let's go. So the servant runs, he tells Abigail. Abigail gets the news, and she goes out to meet David. This woman is fearless. And when she meets David, here's what David says, 1 Samuel 25, 22, He's just going to slaughter not just Nabal, everybody, all the servants, all the workers, every son, every last male on that property is going to be a bloodbath. That's what pride and arrogance will do for you. That's where it'll get you. Pride, when you feel the need to hang on to your pride, stand up for your rights and your dignity, when you find yourself thinking, I'm not backing down in this argument because I've got my pride, I'm not going to let them win, when you're tempted to stubbornly hold your ground in an argument just so that the other person doesn't have the satisfaction of winning, Remember this. This is where pride gets you. Destruction. It never pays off. You'll end up like Nabal, who ended up being killed. Proverbs 15.25, the Lord tears down the proud man's house. That's what will happen to you if you hang on to pride. Proverbs 16.5, the Lord detests all the proud in heart. Be sure of this, they will not go unpunished. The higher I lift myself up, the farther I push myself away from the presence of God. Psalm 138, 6. Though the Lord is on high, He looks upon the lowly, but the proud He knows from afar. When I reach out for God in a time of need, He will be nowhere to be found if I cling to my pride. And on that day when the storm hits and my life collapses with a great crash because of my pride, God will not be there to help me in that moment. But, on the other hand, God is near to the humble, near to the lowly. Because look what this verse says, though the Lord is on high, He looks upon the lowly, but the proud He knows from afar. Humility draws the gaze of Almighty God. Drawing his gaze means attracting his grace. Do you know that you can do something that actually attracts grace from God? The more you humble yourself, the more you draw grace from God. You attract His grace. That's James 4, 6. That is why scripture says, God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. So we've been studying verse by verse through the book of Philippians, and we come this morning to verse 4 of chapter 2. And in verse 1 of this chapter, remember, He gave us the motivation to remind us of God's tenderness and His love and His kindness towards us. That's the motivation. Then in verse 2 comes the mandate, the command, what we're supposed to do, and that is be unified, be like-minded, one heart, one spirit, one purpose. That's what He wants in this chapter, unity. So he gave us the motivation, then the mandate, and then in verse 3, the means. How do we get this unity? The way to get this unity is through humility. That's the means, that's the method. You don't achieve unity in the church by everybody signing the same doctrinal statement or everybody signing the same philosophy statement. You get unity through attitudes. The attitudes are what's important. We must have humble attitudes towards each other. And so in verse 3 he calls us to that humility. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. Consider them better than yourself. So just take a look at the person sitting next to you, or in front of you, or behind you, and think, you are more significant than me. You matter more than me. You are more important than me. Your concerns are more important than my concerns. You're thinking, man, that is just like so not how I'm thinking right now. That's what we're commanded to think. That's the way we're commanded to comport ourselves towards each other. When we're not having that attitude, we're sinning. We're sinning. We're being disobedient. I see someone, oh, that guy, he's going to waste my time. Is that what I think? Or do I think, oh, that guy, here comes that guy. He is more important than me. His time is more important than my time. Is that what I think? Consider others more important than yourself. That's where we left off last time. That's verse 3. So now, verse 4, he's going to expand that idea out a little bit. We didn't see verse 4 last time, so let's take a look. Each one of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. So think back now to the last time you got into it with somebody, last time you got into an argument with someone, or conflict. Maybe it was a fight with your spouse, maybe it was a conflict here inside the church, someone at work, someone at school, maybe you got into it with your brother or your sister. In that argument, think back, whose interests were you looking out for? Can you honestly say you were looking out for the other person's interests during that conversation? Or did you even stop and think about what their interests even are? Most of us, when we get into an argument, have very little understanding of what the other person's interests are, because the whole time they're telling us, the whole time they're making their point, what are we doing? Our mind is racing trying to think how we're going to counter their arguments. and minimize their interest so that we don't lose ground in the argument. It's because I see the other person's interest as a threat to my interest. We're arguing, your interests are a threat to my interest, so I'm going to minimize your side so I can maximize my interest. If I acknowledge your interest as valid, I lose ground in the argument. So what should I do? I end up minimizing what you're saying so I can win, but we found out last week that's not winning, right? That's losing because we're all part of the same body. If you are a body part and you defeat another body part, you lose. Somebody in this body gets hurt, you're hurt. If they're benefited, you're benefited. So if we get into a conflict, I need to find out what your interests are and try to serve those interests, and I need to do that not just to be nice to you, not just to get along with you, I need to do that for my own benefit, because I'm part of the same body with you. Now, usually when there's a conflict, most of us don't think about interests at all, we only think about positions. So think for a second about the difference between interests and positions. The position is what you hold, what you think should be done. This is my position, we should do A. No, this is my position, we should do B. Those are positions. But the reason we hold the positions we hold is because of underlying interests beneath that. I think we should do A because my interests are all this stuff, and that's pushing my position. I think we should do B because I've got these other interests. Typically, when we debate with each other, we're way up on the surface, only talking about position A, position B. Let's do this. Nope, let's do this. This is better. Nope, this is better. And that's all we're dealing with, and we're ignoring the rest of the iceberg under the water that is the interests. And when we do that, we're missing something very, very important. The reason I hold my position is because of my underlying interest, and the reason you hold your position is because of your underlying interest, and so our focus shouldn't just be on the positions, it should be mainly on the interests. Because if our interests can be served, the position doesn't matter that much, right? A family is on a road trip, mom and dad start arguing, his position is Let's drive straight through, make it home tonight. Her position, let's get a hotel, break it into two days. When she presents all of her arguments for her position, what does he do? He shoots them down, because he wants his position. When he presents his arguments, she ignores them, because she wants her position. And she wants to make the strongest possible case for her side. And so she shoots down his arguments. Neither side wants to acknowledge the strength of the other side's arguments because if they do that, they weaken their own position. That's how it feels. So what's going to happen in that situation with that guy and that woman? Well, somebody's going to win and somebody's going to lose. Maybe the guy realizes if she doesn't get her way, she's going to be grumpy the whole rest of the trip, probably in a bad mood for the next couple of days. It's not worth it. I'll just get the hotel. Right? She wins, he loses, they stay in a hotel. Or, maybe it goes the other way. Maybe he gets his way, drives straight through with a defeated wife. He won, she lost. Either way, whichever way it goes, either way, both husband and wife have violated Philippians 2.4. Neither one has done this, done what Philippians 2.4 says to do. You see what it says? It says each one of you should, look at this word, look. Each one of you should look, not only to your own interest, but also the other interest. That word, look, is significant because it's different than the word that Paul would typically use. Normally, in a context like this, he uses the word seek instead of look. Like, if you just turn over to chapter 2, Philippians 2.21, everyone seeks his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. Or in 1 Corinthians 10.24, nobody should seek his own good but the good of others. Or 1 Corinthians 13.5, love does not seek its own interests. So Paul's typical way of speaking is to say that we should seek one another's interests. Seeking is an active thing. That means you're trying to bring them about, make it happen. You have these interests, I want to make them happen. I'm going to try to get them activated, to make them be realized. That's what seek means. And we're commanded to do that, repeatedly, in Scripture, as I just showed you. But before we can be successful in seeking each other's interests, we have to actually know what each other's interests are. And so in our verse here in Philippians 2.4, he says, look, look, and this word look means to keep your eyes fixed on something with deep interest. To keep your eyes fixed on something with some special interest. That's what the word means. So the whole time we're going back and forth in our discussion or our debate, I'm keeping an eye on your interest. I find out, I spot it right away. I ask you early on, what is your interest? What's your underlying interest? What's driving you? Why do you hold the position you hold? What is it? And then I get that, and once I get it, I keep my eye on that. And I don't take my eye off of it the whole time we're talking. I'm watching it. I'm watching your interest. That's what this is commanding. So in the example that I gave, the husband and wife, they're in the car, he needs to find out very early on exactly what are your underlying interests. Wife, you want us to stop at the hotel, why? What is it that you want from that? Because her position is, stop at a hotel. But why? What's the interest? Well, pretty obvious in that case, probably she just wants to the family to have a good time. After all, they are on vacation. That's the whole point of the vacation. And so she wants the family to have fun and not be miserable. That's her underlying interest. So he discovers that. And then she tries to discover his underlying interests, which are, probably, she asks, well, why do you want to drive straight? Well, because, you know, we need to stay within our budget. on this vacation. We've already spent too much. It's part of my effort to keep the family financially solvent, so we don't go under. Now, let me ask you this. Is either one of those a sinful interest? Or are those okay? Those are okay, right? Those aren't sinful interests. There's nothing wrong with the wife wanting the family to have a good time on vacation. That's kind, right? And there's nothing wrong with the husband to care about financial solvency of the family. They're both good interests. So how can both husband and wife obey Philippians 2.4? Here's how. The entire time they're having this discussion back and forth, he's keeping an eye on her interests. He never takes his eyes off of her interests. And the whole time she keeps an eye on his, never takes her eye off of his interests. They care about that. And they object, they actually adopt each other's interests. So now, her objective is to serve his interests, and his objective is to serve her interests. If that's a strong desire in her heart, and it's not a sinful thing, it should be a strong desire in his heart. And he can talk all he wants in this discussion, and he can provide all the arguments that he wants, but the whole time he's got to keep his eye on her interests. Adopting them as his own interests. So think for a second about some specific time in your life when a family member hurt you, or someone in this church slighted you or insulted you, and you were hurt or you were offended. Why did they do it? Why did they do it? Probably because they were focused on serving their own interests, right? That's why they did it. So what were those interests? When they hurt you like that, what were their interests that they were trying to serve? If your answer to that question is, I don't know, then that's no good, because it means you didn't keep your eye on their interest. You didn't even find out what it was, much less keep your eye on it. Now you might have asked and they didn't tell you or whatever, but if it's possible to know, you should know, because your eye should have been on their interest during the whole discussion. That's what this passage requires of us. Probably the reason you were offended when that happened was because they were failing to serve your interests. But here's the thing, getting them to serve your interests isn't your responsibility. The Bible doesn't command you to do that, to worry about that. Your responsibility is to keep your eye on their interests. That's the command. And if you want to know how important this is, just turn over to Philippians 2. Look again at chapter 2, verse 20. Paul's explaining why Timothy is the one that he's going to send to Philippi. He's got to send an emissary from Rome over to Philippi, and he's like, I've got one guy, in all of Rome, there's one guy who's qualified for me to send. I can't send anybody else. Why? Well, look at it, verse 20. I have no one else like him who's worried about your interests. For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. Now, a couple of things to notice there. Notice the word worried in verse 20. Your Bible might say genuinely concerned or has genuine care or something like that. It's the normal word for worry. It literally means to have anxiety. Paul's saying, look, Timothy, is the only one that cares about your interests so much that he's got anxiety in his heart. He's like torn up because your interests aren't being served. I don't have anyone else like that. Which means no one else is qualified. If you don't have anxiety in your heart for their interests, you are not qualified to minister to them in ministry. Timothy is the only one because he has anxiety for their interests. Timothy knew about Philippians 2-4. He really put that into practice. He really, really cared about the Philippians' interests, so much so that it was his own interests moving his stomach, his emotions. And that's what made him the only one qualified to go minister to them. Now, here's where this really gets interesting. Look at verse 21. Paul says, I can't send anyone else because everyone else looks out for his own interests rather than, and what you expect him to say is, rather than your interests. They're all looking out for their own interests instead of your interests. But he doesn't say that. He's like, I can't send anyone else because they're all looking for their own interests instead of the interests of Christ. You see what he does there? He takes your interests and he switches out and replaces the interests of Christ, which means the Philippians' interests equals Christ's interests. How is that? Well, very simple. Christ loves them. If it's important to them, it's important to Christ, because Christ loves them. And if it's important to Christ, it's going to be important to me, because I love Christ. You see that? I should adopt your interest as being a big deal in my heart. Why? Because Jesus wants them to be done. They're His interests. Why are they His interests? Because He loves you, and they're your interests. You see that? So, the husband is commanded to do that with his wife. He's supposed to say, I'm not going to minimize your interest in any way. I'm going to focus on that. I want the family to have a good time on this vacation. That matters to me just because it matters to Jesus. And it matters to Jesus because it matters to my wife and Jesus loves my wife. So now that's important to me. So this guy is driven now. Family needs to have a good time. It's her interest, it's not a sinful one, therefore I care about it. Because I'm a servant of Christ. The wife is commanded to do exactly the same thing with his interest. So the wife's not allowed to take her eyes off of that financial piece. Because his interest is the financial thing, and that's not a sinful interest, and so she has to keep her eye on that. She can't take her eye off of that. When she's arguing for the hotel, she says, well, the hotel would be good for this, for this, for this, for this, but, but, I'm keeping my eye on that financial piece that matters to me, because it matters to Jesus, because Jesus loves you. Matters to you, matters to him, matters to me. See that? Both have to do that. Can you see how unifying this is? I mean, the goal in Philippians 2 is unity, right? That's the goal. That's what we're shooting for. Unity. Can you see how adopting each other's interests is going to bind us together in unity, deeper unity than anything else? If it's your interest, it's Christ's interest, because Christ loves you, I love Him, so it's my interest. Now, instead of having two people with opposing viewpoints and positions, You've got one couple who share two interests. The husband has two desires, the wife has two desires. They're one, the desires are the same. Now, what about your interest? Should you just throw your interests out the window if somebody else has some opposing view and you're arguing, should we just say, well, I'll just sacrifice my side? That's kind of what you would think from verse 3, right? You would look at verse 3 and you would think, maybe the godliest, most loving, selfless thing to do would be to sacrifice my interests and just go with yours. I'll just give mine up, and husband should just say, never mind about the budget, we'll just get the hotel. That's what you want? That's what we're going to do. And the wife should say, no, no, no, never mind about the hotel. You want to drive straight through? We'll drive straight through. And they both just serve the other ones, and they throw their own interests out the window. You know what might come down to that? Somebody having to sacrifice their own side, their own interests, for the other one, it might come down to that, but that's not really what verse 4 says to do. Look carefully what it says. Notice the words only and also. Each one of you should look not only to your own interest, but also to the interest of others. You might have expected he would say, don't even look to your own interest, just to everyone else's interest. And he does say that elsewhere, but here he says, not only to your own. And I gotta be honest with you, that's always bothered me a little bit. When I've read this, all my life I've read this, and I've always loved verse 3, and I've always been a little bit uncomfortable with verse 4. Because verse 3, to me, seems like this really high, Christ-like, Sermon on the Mount type, selfless ethic that just says, you just put others are more important than you. Crucify yourself, deny yourself, serve others. That seems to me like what the Bible will teach you. But verse 4, always seem to be like a little bit lower ethic, where it's saying, it leaves room for serving your own interests, doesn't it? Because it says not only your own, but also their, so that leaves room for your own. And I'm just like, how does that match with the rest of the Bible? Because the rest of the New Testament, all I ever see is this call to this full throttle self-sacrifice and self-denial. But Paul says here, both self and others. Why is that? Is this a capitulation to the world's lookout for number one ethic? That's popular. In fact, it's popular not just these days, it's always popular, it's always been popular in the world. And it's popular in the church, actually. I don't know how many times, it seems like constantly I'm hearing preachers say, when Jesus said, love your neighbor as yourself, what he really meant was, first you learn to love yourself, And once you learn how to love yourself better, then you'll be able to love others better. I won't tell you what I think of that, except to say that it's one of the stupidest things I ever hear in the church. That is not what the Bible says. I don't know how we can take a command that says, love your neighbor, and say, oh, that means love myself. No, that is not what it means. I don't have to learn. to love myself better. I am an expert at loving myself. I have been an expert at loving myself from the day I was born. That's why I have always been so selfish. It's not a problem for me. Never has been. How many of you parents have ever had to take your little three-year-old aside and say, hey, listen, you've got to learn how to start trying to get your own way. I mean, do you ever remember teaching your little children, it's like, listen, repeat after me, say this, mine! Learn, you've got to learn how to say that. No, they come out of the womb knowing that. Right? Did you ever have to train your little ones how to get upset when they don't get what they want? No, no, it all comes naturally. Every one of us already loves themselves. Even people who are destroying themselves, they're doing it because of some desire they have. Everybody loves themselves too much. We don't need to learn to love ourselves more. We already love ourselves way too much already. So, no, verse 4 is not a concession to the self-love movement. It's not Paul trying to leave a little bit of room for self-esteem. It is, however, an acknowledgment that very often your interests are good interests. They might be God-given interests. It might be something God put in your heart, and it's important, and He wants you to pursue it, because it benefits people. You know, the husband has a responsibility before God to keep his family solvent and to provide for his family financially. It's a command in Scripture. He's not at liberty to just throw that out the window. And if the whole point of going on vacation is to have a good time together and get some rest as a family and all that, and to show kindness to each other, then the wife's interest that we actually do that on vacation, that's not a bad interest. Maybe God wants her to pursue that. She shouldn't just throw that out the window as her first option to resolve this conflict. Suppose you and I get into an argument about some ministry here at the church. Your underlying interest in your position, you say, we should do position A, we should do option A, and your underlying interest in that is you want more people to have a deeper understanding of Scripture and a deeper grounding and to grow spiritually and reach maturity. I want to do something else. I want option B. And you say, Darrell, what are your interests in option B? Why do you want option B? I say, my thing is I want souls to be saved. I want to reach the lost. Now, those are our underlying interests. Neither one of us are at liberty to throw out those interests, right? Should we just abandon the interest of people coming to maturity or people coming to faith? No, neither one. Suppose you have a conflict with your spouse about discipline for the kids, and you want it harder, she wants it softer. And your underlying interest in wanting it harder is you want your kids to be self-controlled and obedient. And her underlying interest in wanting it softer is she doesn't want the kids to get discouraged and exasperated. Both of those are commanded in Scripture. Those are mandated in Scripture. We can't throw either one of those out, either one of those interests. Can't be sacrificed. Now, if your interest is just a personal preference, like you're in the mood for Chinese and your spouse wants Mexican tonight, well, throw your interest out and serve her interest. That's the time when, yes, she's more important than you, your spouse's desires are more important than your own desires. You throw your preferences out and just go with someone else's preferences. Do that all day long. That's great. That is a very godly thing to do. We should be quick to give up our own preferences. But when it's more than just a preference, when it's for the good of others, it's a good interest, don't just give it up as your first option. It might come to that, but don't start there. So where should you start? How do you resolve a conflict where there's different interests, different positions, different interests? There's basically five approaches that people tend to take. which one of these five you'll tend toward is determined mostly by do you really highly value the relationship or do you really highly value your position and your interests. So if you care only about your position, and you care a lot about that, and you don't really care about the relationship very much, then you'll probably go the route of defeat, defeat the other person. Just win. Do whatever it takes to get your way. Get your position. Maybe you're going to shout the person down. Maybe you'll intimidate the person somehow. Maybe you'll use tears to manipulate the person. Maybe you'll use your mood. Just let them know you're going to be in a bad mood if you don't get your way, or whatever. Or maybe you just wear the person down with this incessant, constant arguing, arguing, arguing. Finally, they just give up. It's like, fine, just have your own way. Whatever it takes, you defeat the person, and you get your position, but you sacrifice the relationship when you do that. So that's one way. On the other extreme, people that really care about relationship, and they don't care about the position as much, they're going to tend more towards accommodation. So you just throw your position out the window, you just say, fine, I'll go with whatever you want, and I'll sacrifice my interest, and now the relationship is preserved. You've lost your interest, but you've preserved the relationship. A third possible response is avoidance. Just avoid the whole thing. Don't even deal with it. You don't care about the relationship or the position, really. You just don't want to be in a fight. You just don't want to have to deal with a conflict. And so you're just like, no, I'm not going to deal. And so the relationship's still fouled up. You're having resentment and they got resentment and everything. And the position, you're not getting that either. This is like the worst one. This is a terrible one because you don't get anything good out of it. You just avoid the conflict. So what should you do if you care about the relationship and you care about your position? Both are important to you. Then what do you do? Well, most people would say the thing to do here would be compromise. I'll sacrifice half of my position, you sacrifice half of yours, we'll meet in the middle, and that way the relationship stays intact. We're not mad at each other. We both lost some of what we wanted, but we both got a little bit of what we wanted, and so that's the best possible thing. But it's not the best. There's one more. There's a fifth option that's actually better than compromise, and that is collaboration. Collaboration is when I actually adopt your interests into my own heart. You adopt my interests into your heart. So now, like I said before, I've got two sets of interests. And you have two sets, the same two sets of interests. And so we're one now. Each one of us has looked, we kept our eye the whole time on the other one's interests. And now we've adopted those as our own. So you walk up to that man on vacation and you say, Guy, what do you want? And he'll say, I want two things. I want to stay within budget so that we can stay solvent. And I want the family to have a good time. I want both of those. Those both matter a lot to me. And you go to the woman and you say, woman, what do you want? And she says, I want two things. I want the financial stability of the family. I want that budget to be hit. And I want the family to have a good time. That's what I want. And I care about both of those. So both husband and wife have the same two desires. But how can they fulfill both those interests? How can they possibly stay within budget and make sure the family has a great time? That's not easy. I don't know. It's going to be tough to figure that out. That's going to require some Creative thinking and problem solving and probably one brain isn't going to be enough to get that figured out. Probably it's going to require a collaboration of at least two, maybe even pull someone else in to help you out and figure out how could we possibly serve both these interests. Because the husband has two desires, the wife has the same two desires, they need to put their heads together and figure out how can we serve both, fulfill both these sets of desires that we both have. And when you do that, very often you're going to find that there'll be a creative solution. You'll come up with some ingenious thing. You'll put your heads together, you'll collaborate, you'll come up with some great solution that, you know, we'll just do this and then, you know, here's a cheap way that we could stay at a hotel and we could still hit the budget, or here's a way we could just drive home and still have fun, or whatever. And you come up with some great thing that serves both interests, and that's great, you know, that's terrific. But what if you can't? What if you try and try, and there's just no way to do both? No way to serve both interests? Say you and I are in some kind of conflict over, you know, we talked about building a new foyer. Suppose that was your idea. You wanted to build a new foyer for this church, and your interest, that's your position, is you want to build. your underlying interests are, you want the church to be welcoming and you want there to be better fellowship and accommodate the ministries better. I'm saying, my position is, no, let's not build. We can't afford it. Let's take that money and do like a missions project or something. And you say, what are your underlying interests? I say, well, I want to reach the lost in the mission field and all that. So we say, OK, let's put Philippians 2.4 into practice. Let's do it. And so you start really caring about my project And I start really caring about your interest about fellowship and welcoming. And now that means a lot to me. And my thing means a lot to you. And we have these shared desires now. You want two things. Someone says, what do you want? Two things. I want that project and I want the fellowship. And you ask me and I say the exact same thing. I want the fellowship. I want the project. So, now we've done that, and we say, okay, let's collaborate. Let's come up with some way to serve both these interests. We think, we think, we think, we go through a committee, we do the elders, and we get to the end, and we can't do it. We just can't. There's no way we can serve that interest and that interest. It's impossible. We can't think of a way. So, we end up having to just go with one and drop the other. But here's the thing. The fact that we both adopted each other's interests first, when it gets to that point where something has to go out the window, nobody's mad. Nobody's mad because I'm not upset with you. Suppose my project is what goes out the window. That's what gets lost. I'm not mad at you because I can tell it hurt you when that decision was made. So, you know, we go through the whole thing and the decision comes down and finally the committee or whoever's in charge says, OK, we're going to build, we're not going to do the project. And you, even though your original position is that you want to build, as soon as they said that, OK, we're going to build, you like raise your hand like, wait, wait, wait, what about the project? Because I care about that now. That's a desire in my heart now. What about the project? And they say, we can't do the project. And I could tell it hurt you. What does that do to me? It makes me feel loved, doesn't it? Can you see how that would make me feel loved? If you feel bummed because we didn't get that project, I can tell, my interest matters to you. And I can live with not getting my way because you cared at least. Can you see how this would help a marriage? You'd believe how much this would help in a marriage. It's so much easier. If a wife has to give up the thing that she wanted, if she just at least knows that her husband understands that interest, cares deeply about that interest, and wants it just as much as she wants it, if it has to go out the window, and it hurts him, and she can see it hurts him, that's going to make her feel loved. And they're going to be one. And even if you can't come up with a good solution, you haven't spoiled the relationship. And, not only have you not spoiled the relationship, but you haven't lost your joy. Why? Because both sides got what they wanted. Right? Because when I started looking at your interest, and your interest was the fellowship, and it ended up going that way, I get what I want. I want the fellowship now, right? Because I care about that, and that matters to me, that's one of my desires, and I got one of my desires. See, once we adopt each other's interests, we're guaranteed to come out of the whole thing with at least one of our desires being met. Whichever way it goes, I'll get at least that one. See that? So my joy is, in fact, I still get what I want, and I feel loved. That's what happens if we keep our eye on the other person's interest long enough to where my heart wraps around that interest and gathers it in to be my own. Now, someone might ask at this point, what if the two parties already have the same interest to begin with, but they have different ideas about how to serve that interest? Like, what would accomplish this? For example, you and your spouse both have one interest. You ask both, and you're just like, here's our interest. We want peace in the household. That's what we want. And you think the way to have peace in the household is to have stricter discipline with the kids, and your spouse thinks the way to have peace in the household is to have more lenient discipline with the kids. Same interest, same goal, but different ideas of how to reach it. Or, say, two people in the church. Suppose two people both have the same interest. We want more worshipful atmosphere in the church. More worshipful atmosphere. And one person thinks, the way to do that, add a couple of electric guitars and crank up the volume. And the other person is, get rid of instruments altogether. And that will be more worshipful. So, what do you do in a situation like that? two parties talk it over, you listen the best you can, you empathize with the other person's position, and you show respect and kindness, and then you leave it up to whoever is in authority to make the call. And then you trust God to lead through his ordained authorities. That's why God gave us authority structures in every level of human intercourse. So just trust the decision of the authority. Another question that comes up, what if the other person's interests are sinful. I mean, all these examples I've given so far, it's not a sinful interest that the other person has. It's a godly interest. What if it's a sinful interest? Obviously, if somebody has a sinful interest, you can't adopt that as your own. You can't serve that interest. So what should you do? You're in a dispute, you discover the person's underlying interest, and what they want is revenge. Or they want to commit immorality. That's their objective, that's their interest. If that's the case, the place to go isn't Philippians 2.4. The place to go there is Galatians 6.1. Brothers, if anyone is caught by a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently, but watch yourself or you may also be tempted. So you gently, respectfully, lovingly, firmly try to bring that person to repentance. James 5.19, brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this, whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins. So when they have sinful interests, your goal is to bring them gently, bring them to repentance. And one of the most powerful ways to do that, one of the most powerful tools you can ever use to soften a sinner's heart and bring him to repentance is to do this, to respectfully show them a godly interest that they have that they've lost sight of. and just remind him of it. And such a great example of that is Abigail in 1 Samuel 25. Go ahead and turn to 1 Samuel 25, and I'll show you what she did, because she just had a masterful way of doing this. This is the story that I started the sermon with. Prideful Nabal had insulted David and his men, and so now David was furious, and he was going to come and wipe them out. God was going to deal with Nabal, God was going to punish Nabal for his pride, and that was the point I made at the beginning of the sermon, is don't be like Nabal with pride, because you end up dead. So God's going to deal with that. But this isn't the right way. Not through David taking revenge. That's not the right way. Revenge is never a good thing. And so, thankfully, someone was smart enough to go tell Abigail, Nabal's wife. And so Abigail, look at verse 18, 1 Samuel 25 verse 18. Abigail lost no time. She took 200 loaves of bread, 2 skins of wine, 5 dress sheep, 5 says of roasted grain, 100 cakes of raisins, and 200 cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. Just a massive amount of food she's going to ship off here. Now, remember, there's a conflict between David and this household. What were David's initial interests in this conflict? When he first sent the guys there, what was his interest? What did he want? Food, right? He wanted food, and he also wanted some respect. So what does Abigail do? Those aren't sinful interests, so she serves him. She's like, you want food? Okay, let's give him food. And he wants respect, she gives him respect. Look at verses 23 all the way through 35, the whole time she's talking, it's the most respectful language imaginable. So that's fine, she'll serve those interests, but mixed in with those okay interests is a sinful interest. What is his other interest right now? Revenge. He wants revenge. That's the one thing I love about Abigail. She doesn't just make it all or nothing. Usually we see a guy bent on revenge and we say, sin, and that's all there is. She says, sin, but the thing about the food and the respect, that's not sin. I can serve that interest. She separates out the okay interest and the sinful one. She serves the okay interests, but what does she do with this sinful interest? How is this woman going to deal with an out of control, angry, vengeful David? What she does is she reminds David of a godly interest that he had, but he lost sight of it in this moment. Namely, fighting only God's battles and letting God fight his battles. Someone hurts you, you don't hurt them back, you let God fight that battle. You fight God's battles. That's the way David lived his life up till now. He hasn't violated it. He's done that his whole life. That's the way David wanted to live, but he'd lost sight of it. So she just reminds him in verse 28, David, you're the guy who fights the Lord's battles, not your own battles. And she reminds him, look, you've placed yourself in a position of God's blessing. Stay there, because that's where you've always trusted God to fight your battles for you. But now all that's in jeopardy. She doesn't say that, but she's implying all that's in jeopardy now. She knows that in his heart, David wants to have a clear conscience before God. He desires to do what's right before God. He's a believer. But he's lost sight of it. In this case, he's lost sight of it. And so Abigail reminds him in respectful language, says, don't forget this. And it's not just respectful language, it's inspiring language. Look at verse 29. It says, even though someone is pursuing your life, Pursuing you to take your life? The life of my master will be bound up securely in the bundle of the living by the Lord your God. So he's like, you don't have to protect yourself. You don't have to fight your own battles. God will take care of you. He'll protect you. She reminds him of that. And then listen to this. But the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling. Interesting metaphor, huh? Suppose that's just a random metaphor she came up with? That's a very calculated metaphor, isn't it? She's reminding David of like the greatest moment of his life when he trusted God and fought the Lord's battles and trusted God to protect him. Verse 30, when the Lord has done for my master every good thing he has promised him and has appointed him leader over Israel, my master will not have this on his conscience, the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. See, when the other person has a sinful interest, Chances are you've got these non-sinful ones mixed in, you get those, you serve those, and then you remind him, look, the sinful interest, you don't want to have a guilty conscience, do you? You're going to be glad if you do the right thing. And another thing we can learn here from Abigail is she shows confidence that he will do the right thing. Have you ever had somebody assume you're going to sin? I've had that with people who say, I know you're going to probably do, and then it's the most sinful option possible. That hurts when someone says that to you. It's inspiring, though, when they do the opposite, when they just assume the best. Look at verse 26. I think this is fascinating. She's speaking in the past tense already. It's like, now since the Lord has kept you, my master, from bloodshed and avenging yourself with your own hands, like, God prevented you from doing this horrible thing you were about to do. What's happening? Picture the scene. She's standing there. David is standing there with a sword in his hand, 400 of his men, all armed, ready to slaughter this entire household, and she says, hey, the Lord kept you from bloodshed. She just assumes that he's going to take that sword, put it away, turn around, and go back home. She's just assuming. You're going to do the right thing. I know you are. Praise God, you're doing the right thing. And one more thing she does, another thing we can learn, she points David to God's promise. God had promised David a lasting dynasty and she reminds him of that in verse 28 and attaches it to David's faithfulness. So she says, the Lord will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my master because, you can underline that, because he fights the Lord's battles. You don't have to take anything by force, David. God will give you everything. He's promised you everything. And since you're going to obey Him, He's going to take care of you. So the point of that is, look, you can trust God. You don't have to revert to sin in order to serve your interests. And that's what we tell the sinner when we're trying to bring them to repentance. Look, you don't have to do this. You've got these interests, you can serve your interests, you don't have to revert to sin. God has promised if you remain faithful, He will serve your interests, He will bless you, He will give you everything you need, and He will supply you with joy, and He will supply you with far more than you could ever get through sin. Remind the person. Don't just yell at them, don't just rebuke them, don't just give them the cold shoulder. Just remind them gently, look, this is what the Bible promises. Abigail is so wise because she gives David a perspective on the past, present, and future. That's a good model for how to bring somebody to repentance. Think about in the past. Remember what it was like to walk with God? Remember when you were walking with Him and you were walking in obedience? Wasn't your life better then than it is now? Don't you remember? Your conscience was clear, and you had God's favor, and you had meaning, and you had purpose in life. Wasn't that great? Don't you want that again? And then present. Don't you want to go to bed tonight with a clear conscience? Wouldn't that be nice? Trust God right now, and He'll take care of this problem you have. He'll take care of it. And then future. Set your hope on what God has promised if you remain faithful to Him. This kind of humility is so important. It's so important that God is not even content to just teach us this and just tell us to do this. He actually decided that in order for us to get it, He would actually come down, become a man, and show us how it's done. So that's what the Incarnation is. Remember Jesus came into this world not just to die on the cross. If Jesus' only reason to come into this world was to die on the cross, He could have just arrived here as an adult and the whole thing could have happened in one day. He comes down and He's here for 30 plus years living a life. He's showing us exactly what this looks like. And Paul is going to spell that out in some detail in verses 5 to 11. Gave us the motivation in verse 1, then the mandate, then the means, and now he's going to give us the model and show us what it's like. And that's where we'll plan on picking it up next time. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, we read this and it sounds good to us. It sounds beautiful. I mean, these kinds of interactions, these kinds of relationships, they look... This is what we want. This is the way we want to be. And yet, we get into a... Somebody hurts us, and it's like... We forget it. We forget everything. And all we want to do is just snap back and get a little bit of revenge. We forget all these principles of the moment when we need them. Lord, we just need your grace. Mike, in the communion time, he had us meditating on the gift of your Spirit. Oh Lord, grant us through your Spirit that you would speak to us, shout in our hearts at that moment when somebody hurts us, slights us, to do this, to not take our eye off of their interests. We pray this in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen. OK. Normally what we do at this point is we have a little bit of Q&A at the end of each sermon. We just give you a chance to ask questions on stuff that didn't make sense to you or whatever. But we went along on the service today and we preached straight through my time. So we don't have time for that. If you do have questions, I would urge you to please just jot it down on your prayer slip and put it in the offering box. Speaking of those, go ahead and just take your prayer slip out of your bulletin right now. Everyone's got one in their bulletin. Put your name on there and we use that to pray for you through