pleasure to hear how Christ and His grace has been working in the life of Kim. Let's give attention to the testimony of Christ in her life. Kim Douglas. Thank you. Okay. To begin with, I was born in Grebel. I'm a Niner. In 1953. And that was, so that makes me a baby boomer. And a good time. People were just coming out of the war. Things were good. People were excited, happy. Life was just kind of let's push forward, let's live life, and things were naive and innocent, and it was a good time. I had one brother who was seven years older than me, and I also was a daddy's girl. And my dad was fun, and he was amusing, and very strong. I loved his strength, and he could do amazing things to wow me. My mom was a good person. She was basically neutral, though, in her affection for me. I don't remember any feelings from her one way or the other. There was no warmth or love, but she did mommy things. But I never heard, I love you, and I saw no evidence of that love. My parents were joined in with many other couples in town, and when they used to have parties and card games, and they'd get together at each other's house. And my dad was the Grand Poobah at the Alks, and lots revolved around him. I remember hearing my mother say that one of the women came up to her during this time and said, watch out for this woman that was amongst them. She's looking for an out. She's looking for a guy to get away from her husband and kids. And unfortunately, my dad was the one that succumbed to her by his own choice, and he left us. He didn't leave immediately, and he moved into the basement. I knew something was up, but being only four years old, it just didn't dawn on me what was going on. My mother suffered through that time. Divorce was very rare. People would phone her, mainly a couple of ladies, and say, do you know where your husband is right now? And my mom would have to say, yeah, I do. She went to work, and that left me with some, sometimes with babysitters, sometimes supposedly with my brother. But I always explained it as if it was like four people. I was four, my brother was 11, and my mom and dad, four people went four separate ways. Let's see. My dad left with this woman and went to Washington, and so that really left me alone. And then, as everybody predicted, she just wanted it out and out, and she dumped him. And so he took off for Alaska, and he worked there on and off, worked there in the summers, came home in the winters. I was heartbroken, and he was no longer a stability in my life. Nothing was. Nothing was safe anymore. And in some certain instances, I wasn't safe. I was abused. sexually, more than one person, mostly young, pre-teen, going on teen boys. And God protected me from a couple other instances that just give me shivers to think how that could have happened, how that could have turned out if he hadn't have been there. We felt, I felt abandoned and my brother confirmed that when he was 65. I went to take care of him while he was dying of brain cancer and he confirmed that. He was a Christian and he said that Psalm, I left my notes somewhere, I believe it's Psalm 34. It says, when my father and mother have abandoned me, you Lord will take me up. And he, we just, Felt left alone Fortunately in this little neighborhood. I had great neighbors. I was quite the little Social butterfly actually the more I think of it, and I just bounced from house some of them were single some of them were had kids where I stayed a lot they were friends of my mom's and they took me in and or just visited and That helped me a lot. It taught me a lot. There was also a lot of fear and terror of the dark in my life during that time. Being left alone, I was so afraid at night. More than just a fear, it was just almost a phobia of this panic. And then I would go to scary movies. We had an owl show, and that's when all these Frankenstein and all these weird things were going on, and I, you know, I never watched any of them. I had my coat over my head, but I could hear them, and sometimes I'd plug my, but, and then I'd have to walk home by myself, and it was, but it was better to be in a theater with people than home alone. And I loved school. School felt safe because I knew I belonged there. As far as I can remember, I've always believed in God, but that probably came from my neighbor who was a Sunday school teacher at a Baptist church, and she took me to Sunday school and church, and I knew God was real, and I believed He was very big and very distant, and I knew He deserved reverence, but I also believed in the devil, and I knew. As a young child, I was going to hell. And Jesus was very much a mystery. He was there. I colored pictures of him. He was in these encyclopedias my mom bought, Bible stories. But he was very strange to me. I knew nothing about him. We moved to Worland when I was in fifth grade. I was ten years old and that, again, devastated me. I was leaving, I was coming with a mother who was working all the time, and I had to leave these people, these neighbors, and these friends, and the school I put my life into that I felt safe with. And I kept going back. Every weekend I'd ride the bus or the train home, and not knowing who I was going to stay with, just begging, can I stay here or here? And sometimes I'd stay with my dad, but by then we'd A lot because of me. We were very much going distant. Sometimes he wasn't there. But after about a year, I started fitting in here. And I had a really good friend who was a Catholic. And I spent a lot of time with her, a lot of weekend nights with her. And of course, they took me to church. was very quiet and solemn and holy and reverent. And also she told me that she couldn't go to other churches because it was a sin. So that meant to me, boy, this is the one. And I knew I didn't belong. I was just along for the ride. So in seventh grade, So I'm about 12, somehow the discussion turned to how to get to heaven. And there was quite a few kids in my class that were Catholic, and some weren't, but I mean, they went to other churches. And the teacher was very engaged in this, and it came to my ears that if you went and got baptized, then you'd go to heaven. So I immediately went out and talked to the priest and said I wanted to join the church. And he put me through lessons of, I don't know, it seemed like forever. It was probably six weeks. It was the most boring. time I'd ever spent. I have no idea what he was talking about. I don't know if he mentioned Jesus about repentance, if he died from a sin. I'm sure he did, but I didn't hear a thing. I got my sponsor. I got a saint. I picked because I liked her name. I got sprinkles and I went to confession. And I said, penitence, and I got nothing. I still wasn't accepted by God or by them. And I went for a while. I don't know when I finally quit. Sorry. Then I went to high school, which was in 1969 I started. And that was the time of the hippies and the great rebellion, and I embraced that completely. I really related to that. And by then, growing up on my own, I was very hypersensitive, and moody, and argumentative, and very angry. At Jekyll and Hyde, I could be really nice and fun. I, you know, had friends. And yet, I was just bouncing back and forth, making them mad. I could never please people, and yet they could never please me either. And more than anything, I wanted to be calm and happy and dripping with goodness and accepted. I just wanted to be accepted so bad. And I felt anything but. And it seemed like my family was always unhappy with me. My mom and brother, a lot of anger there. And they were dealing with their own issues. And my brother was pretty mean to me I know brothers can be I know they can but mine yeah and there was no give on that there was no there was nothing there and so we basically all just avoided well they avoided home and I was left there alone And my dad, he could also be very sensitive and moody. And I remember, basically, he just looked at me with a sigh, like, what is wrong with you? And so I thought, okay, I'll just try harder, especially with my mom, and I'll be good, and everybody will like me. But I never could. I never could change. And this would make me extremely angry. So let's fast forward to I'm married with my firstborn, and I was not the mother I wanted to be. I loved him. But mothers are supposed to be perfect and never get angry. And here was a child who cried all the time, and probably because I was crying all the time and angry. I don't know why, but he was very strong-willed. So every night I'd be laying in the ball and asking God to help me raise this little boy. So then we moved to Lingle, which is down by Mountain View. Green River and, between Green River and Edmundston. And it was a very Mormon-dominated town. And I think if they would have just been nice, I probably would have joined them, because I was looking for God. But they were so, so blocked off. And I even went to a few of their things. This one friend asked me to go to, but they were definitely letting me know I wasn't part of them. I got pregnant with Nathan and so you know then you're a little even more emotional. Somehow I ended up in a prayer meeting at this teeny tiny little Baptist church in Lingle. They were so small, but they were dedicated, and the best part was this woman from Rock Springs would come. She owned a Bible bookstore, and she was calm, and she was happy, and she was sweet, and she was just dripping with goodness. She talked about the peace of Jesus, and I could see it, and I was hooked. And I wanted that. And she said the answer was Jesus. And she said that he would do the same for me. So afterwards I'd sit out in my car and I'd ask Jesus to come into my heart. And I truly did, I was one of those that expected to feel something, something drip over me, or explosions, fireworks, and nothing happened. But I wasn't dissuaded, and I just thought it's not the right time. I just, she told me he would, and so I believed that. And I tried over and over during that time to read a King James Bible I had, and I got nothing out of it. And I knew the words in red were spoken by Jesus. I'm starting to realize He's very special here. But I couldn't make any sense of it. All I knew was He kept saying, barely, barely. And it just was, hmm. So we moved back to Worland when I was nine months pregnant. And I had Nathan. He was a sweet baby. totally opposite of what Brian was. He rarely cried. When he did, it was just, he was a sweetie. And so that helped me a lot. And I keep saying Ann, I'm trying not to do that. We were living with my mom at the time and there was a knock on my door and I went to it and this person started speaking these words in very familiar terms that I learned in Lingle. Yes, come on in. And she was a Jehovah Witness. But I didn't really care because I liked her and I liked what she said. Her name was Sharon. So we studied for a year. She was very patient with me. Any question I had she answered, but none of it made sense. Fortunately, I began going to Christian Women's Club, which was very big in Orleans at that time. It was huge. People were coming to know the Lord. Young women were coming with the old. It was just a neat time. I went to one of their Bible studies during this time. After many, many questions and them patiently helping me and my friend, my eyes were being opened and I could understand finally that I was a sinner. And my sins were a violation of God's perfect holy law. I learned that it was my sins that separated me from God. And it was my sins that condemned me to hell. And that I could never be good enough to get into heaven. Not only did I know that by experience, I saw that in the Bible. And then the good news. I learned that Jesus, God's son, was sent from heaven to become a man. And he lived that perfect life that I couldn't and certainly didn't. And Jesus willingly offered himself up as the ultimate final sacrifice. His own father laid my sins on him and put him to death in my place. And I learned after three days God raised him up from the dead to give me new life. And that Jesus was taken up into heaven to make a way for me to be with Him forever. And then He sent His Son, or His Holy Spirit, to be my assurance, guide, peace, protector. Everything I needed. And I was very, very needy. And He was so much more than even that. So in October of 1974, by faith given to me by the Holy Spirit, I got down on my knees and I repented of my sins. And I received Jesus' atonement to cleanse me and forgive me. And I didn't feel a thing, but I knew deep in my heart that I was His. That He was who He said He was. That was the peace, that this was the peace that passes all understanding, from Philippians 4-7. And for years I devoured the Bible, praying for wisdom and understanding, read Christian books, and then I really got into the how to be better books, because I really wasn't being the person I wanted to be. And tapes and sermons and talks, everything. I started going to First Baptist Church, how I don't know. Everything they had when their doors open I was there and they did embrace me and my little boys And for a while, I was really happy. I belonged and I was wanted and as I sought the Lord I My awesome God began to reveal Himself in and through His written word, and by the many miracles He did for me and the boys, He opened my blind eyes and He taught me. And my greatest comfort was the scripture, I will never leave you nor forsake you, because you can imagine I needed to hear that. I needed to hear that all the time, and He told me that as often as I needed it. It gave me great comfort. By becoming a Christian was okay with Tom, the kid's dad, to a point. And then I jumped in too quick with that. Okay, so I'll come back to that. Tom had his own history of hurts and abuse in his childhood. And we had great expectations of each other, giving to fulfill one another's needs, but neither one of us knew how to do that. Or, I don't know, maybe we didn't want to. But I had no example of a pattern of man and woman together, and Tom didn't have a very good one. His dad was a pretty tough guy. on him and his mom. I knew nothing of submission or honoring my husband, so by then our third little boy was born, Clayton, and I thought our marriage was becoming a little better. I was learning my proper role. The problem I had was I kept reading and learning the Bible and I would excitingly share this at church and eventually through the months and stuff I began to realize that some important concepts that I were learning weren't embraced in this church and a few of them were downright rejected and I was so perplexed at that and so hungry for the truth so in my way Well then, if you don't do it, I'll find a way to do it. And in comes this, I don't know how I got with them either, this little group of women who met in a home with the self-ordained pastors, young single man, came out of nowhere. And we, I was taught the charismatic movement. And I embraced most of that, a lot of that. Some of it was good, I took away, but a lot of it was wrong. A lot of it led to pride. Um... uh the one thing though i met a woman there who was calm and happy and sweet and dripping with goodness and she was the best mom i had ever met and so i was going to stick there i was going to figure out how she got that and maybe god would give me that too no he as i says to ask and you will receive and by golly he was going to give me that if i just hung in there and believed him and keep trying Tom's job then took him to Cody for six days a week. He was a hard worker, and he worked six days a week hard, and so I appreciated that for him. And he was a good dad. He was fun. He was spontaneous, and the life of the party, I think that's what drew me to him. I see now that was kind of like a dad. At that time, when would that be? In the 70s, Cody was a huge drinking town, huge cowboy whoop-em-up, bands and music and drinking, and unbeknownst to me at that time, a lot of cocaine. And Tom became this good-looking, awesome cowboy with his hat and his boots. But things were really disintegrating between us. The more I became this charismatic weirdo, he just couldn't handle it. And it was like, tough. That's what I'm going to do. Tom was always able to finagle me to be the heavy. He would be a bad boy until I'd finally get mad, kick him out, or blow up, or whatever. And then he had us out, and that's exactly what he did. And I just said, okay, leave. I thought, what do we need him for anyway? He's never here. And he left. And he didn't come back. And I felt pieces. And I could tell within eight hours or an hour that he was very necessary. He was, even though he wasn't there, he was very much a presence in these little boys' lives and mine. And he was gone. And it was also Christmas time. And that ruined a lot of Christmases for me for a long time. Not purposely, it just tainted Christmas. And I got, I don't know how I got through it. God got me through it. But it was extremely difficult and I went through it alone. By then, first Baptist, I pretty much dumped him. The charismatic thing was falling apart because we weren't of God. I had some friends on the outskirts, but I pretty much went through that alone with the Lord, and I dug in deep with him. And unfortunately, I couldn't be there like I should have for Brian. Brian was six, not quite six. He realized what was going on. Nathan was not four. Clay was not two. So they were shielded a little bit. And it was awful. So, okay, once again, I was abandoned. And I wish I could tell you that with God's help I became this dedicated Christian that I did a great job raising my kids and bringing them up in the ways of the Lord while I worked full time, usually at physically intense jobs, which I liked. while running the home, but that's far from the truth. It was years of great seeking and learning, of being blessed and helped, encouraged and strengthened by my Lord and Savior. And that's why Paul's messages these last two weeks are so meaningful for me because it explains why I kept falling away and getting all these good things from the Lord and then it wasn't enough and I would get frustrated and angry because I was frustrated and angry and not nice or I was lonely and unsatisfied and I'd read what the Bible said that I should be and I thought I'm not that way and it's not happening with me and what's wrong with me? Well, I didn't believe. I didn't trust. I doubted God's word. And I didn't have the great teaching. But maybe it wouldn't have mattered. Maybe I did. And I just didn't get it at that time. So back into the worldly ways and lust. Sometimes I could justify my actions and one time I even did with scripture. I had a scripture to justify my sin No But mostly I lived in condemnation and fear. I knew I was wrong I couldn't see an out Jesus would always bring me back and okay. He's the answer and then it was but I see in the word Back and forth back and forth, but God I love the scriptures, but God doesn't matter how bad it was, but God. I had accepted a faithful God who is very long-suffering and patient, kind, and loving, and whose son had taken all my sins upon himself and cleansed me from all sin. And amazingly, he always drew me back and cleaned me up and stayed with me. Did that mean I didn't suffer the consequences? No. God is not mocked. For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. That's Galatians 6, 7. And that's what I'd like to tell you young single people. Don't think you can accept the Lord and go live because you think, I know, I understand, you think you need people and things and and all this stuff that goes along with that but if you're sinning he can't bless you completely he can't give you all that he wants to give you he won't he won't did he get rid of me no never never never you'll never lose your salvation but you'll be on the outskirts kind of out in that outer court um i am ashamed to tell you that um oh wait wait wait wait So I bounced around in different churches. For long periods I didn't go. I didn't fit in. I'm serious. The single people have a hard time, especially my age. It seemed like I was I was at this, I don't know, I just couldn't find my place, except for the older ladies at First Baptist Church. They, if I want to feel accepted, I go there and they do embrace me every time, bless their hearts. They still like me. So, but when I go, I didn't fit in. I try, people say, well, you got to try. Okay, I tried, you know, I joined. But I come home feeling rejected and worse off than I did before I went, so I quit going on and off. But I continued to seek the Lord and pray and learn. And Pilgrim Radio was an enormous help for me there to learn. But you've got to apply what you learn. And I'm ashamed to tell you that even after all of that, yet once again, I slipped and fell and walked back into immorality about 15 years ago. And this time, God was different. It wasn't, it wasn't, okay I forgive you. This time I kept hearing in my heart, When I confess, I forgive you, but go and sin no more." And it was grave. And I had taken his grace lightly far too often. And as the song said today, I was in your face blatantly sinning and disobeying him and smearing his name. In his face. I kept thinking that. It's in his face. But I didn't feel I could help it. When you get into some sin, it'll nail you. It'll nail you and you can't get out. It takes something from the Lord to get you out. And he warned me. And I was also still going to church at this time, confessing. taking communion with confession and yet it was like dare I yes I know this is for my descent but yet I probably should have I don't know if it was wrong or not but I should have waited and finally it was like father said okay okay enough you're going to learn the hard way and it was like um his protection over us and I stepped out of it and I believe I know, whether you do or not, I don't care. I was turned over to Satan, and I was given a sickness to learn not to blaspheme. He can only go so far, but I know my health, physically and mentally, took a nosedive, and I suffered severely, alone. People thought I was nuts, which I was. And they avoided me like the plague. I don't blame them now. I hurt, though. But I had one son. Bless his heart. This one son who gave me so much grief and butted heads with all his life. Poor thing. It was in Denver, but he would call. And the tears would just flow and all the misery and the crap. And he would listen. I don't know how. I don't know how he did that. And he would comfort me. It was amazing. I'm always grateful for that. God showed me time and time again in his word why this happened. I knew it, it was according to his will and what it was about, but immediately he also gave me the promise that he would never leave me and that I would get, that would get me through and that was Jeremiah 30, 17. Which Jeremiah 30 goes into detail about his children rebelling all the time and how he let a sickness overcome them, a sin. For I will restore you to health and heal you of all your wounds. I was in the dirt face down with no hope. I didn't know what hope was and what faith was and love and all of that. But hope was a mystery to me. It was like, why would you hope for something? You got to believe it. But I learned what hope was and I don't know how to explain it to you. I just realized what it felt like to have no hope. And then Jeremiah 30, it says, your wound, your pain is incurable. But God, thank God, there is always hope in Him. On my own, there was no hope. I was done. God was done. But in Him, there is always hope, as long as we have breath. His mercy is new every morning, and I was His. I believe I don't get another chance. If I did that again, he purges us and pain does do that for us. I don't think I would, but if I did, I'm done. He'll take me home. I believe that. I learned obedience by the things I suffered and learned I did. His discipline was needful and I thank him for it. It means he knows me and what it will take to make me more like his son. I'm sure He preferred me to not have to learn that hard way, but for His good purpose in my life, He has allowed this sickness and poor health to be here. I'm realizing more and more His calm, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-present hand gives me the best, and His will is best, not mine. And this is my scripture, Philippians 3.8. What more? I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For whose sake I have lost all things. I feel I have. I feel like I've lost everything. Big deal. They don't mean a thing. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ. And you know what? I'm still not calm, happy, sweet, or dripping with goodness. That used to make me very sad and very angry, but now I'm finally entering into, for now, that Johnny Erickson said this, contentment is not found in circumstances or people. That's what I was always looking for was putting my hope, trust, faith in people. Somebody's got to like me. Contentment is found in a person, the Lord Jesus. I know the one who is calm and happy, sweet and dripping with goodness, and so, so much more. And I abide in him and he lives in me. He is my everything. He loves me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Thank you. Let's close in prayer and thank God for Kim's testimony and thank God for the work of Christ in her life. Heavenly Father, we thank you for Kim. We thank you for her testimony. Lord, it's a testimony that she is resting in Christ. She is resting in the person of Christ, the work of Christ. And Lord, every story of redemption is different. You take us on a different path. different hurts and different shortcomings and different sin, that we all fall short of your glory. But every testimony in Christ is going to conclude the same. And that's with the soul that's redeemed by the righteousness of Christ, by the power of the Holy Spirit. Lord, help us all to abide and rest in Christ, in Christ alone. Lord, we thank you for Kim and pray that you continue to finish that work until that day. In Christ's name, Amen.