We will just turn again with me to Ephesians chapter six. Ephesians chapter 6, we just pick up the reading in verse 4. And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. And so we've been through a couple of weeks of study. Remember, we started off this foundation by considering that the Word of God is the blueprint for how we will build our homes. God is not silent to this issue, or not silent with respect to how we are to build our homes and how we are to raise up and train our children. There are verses that deal specifically with it, and it actually calls out the father specifically to be responsible for bringing up his children. I mean, this is a direct command here, for example, in chapter 6 and verse 4. And so, since the bulk of our study, as I argued a couple of weeks ago, is going to be around the use of the Scriptures, we have to continue to ask ourselves these questions. How well do we know them? How often are we referring to the Scriptures as we work with our children day in and day out through the normal conversation? And I'm going to make the argument here a little bit later on that as we go through positive discipline, which is the bringing the Word, bringing them under the Word on a daily basis, even as we do negative discipline, which means some kind of corporal response to when they sin and disobey, The whole idea is that we're constantly bringing the Word of God to bear in all these areas. And this is why Deuteronomy 6 is so important because it reminded the Israelites that they, when they're sleeping, when they're waking, I mean not necessarily when they're sleeping, but when they lie down, but when they're walking, whatever they're doing, right? They're immersing themselves with the Word of God. Next, how adept are you at teaching and relating the Scriptures to your children for everyday, just things that go on in everyday life? And that's really a question of familiarity with the Scriptures and what the principles that are being taught within the Scriptures. And you have to admit, that takes work. That takes time on your part to know the Word of God in such a way that you can bring the Scriptures to bear in their everyday life. How effectively do you use the Scriptures to reprove? And when I use the word reprove, I'm talking about convict. To reprove your children of their sins, do you reprove in such a way that draws your kids closer to the mercy and grace of God, or are you driving them away? How consistently do you use the Word of God when you correct them? Is all your correction based on the fact that they irritate you and you react because you don't have anything else to bring them? You're just reacting out of your emotions, okay? So, once again, the more you know God's Word, the more you're grounded in God's Word, the more you apply it to yourself, the more you minister God's Word to your own soul, the better equipped you are to minister to the souls of your children. Okay? So we talked about the authority of God's Word, that God's Word is authoritative and it is sufficient for this task. It's sufficient for every area of life. So we've made that case. Our Confession is very clear about how we take the Word of God. It says, in our Confession, the whole counsel of God concerning all things necessary for His own glory, man's salvation, faith, and life, and that's critical, life, is either expressly set down or necessarily contained in the Holy Scriptures. And so, this is our blueprint for life. How are we to live a godly life? And so we looked at the fourfold use of the Scriptures, right? We looked at what 2 Timothy 3, 16 has to say concerning the use of the Scriptures. And then we talked about the fact that God has called you to be in authority. Because you're under the authority of the Word of God, God has called you to be in authority within your home. And then last week, we looked at the nature of your children. Once again, part of disciplining your children according to God's Word is to help them understand why they sin. So let's ask the question, why do your children sin? Please don't make me teach last week. Because they have the nature of a sinner, right? They need to understand that. They need to understand that when they disobey, when they rebel, it's a response to their sinful nature. And so the question for you is, what are you going to bring to deal with the sinful nature? God's Word's not silent on this issue, okay? Now, one of the things, I want to go backwards because I've been reading more this week and there's some things that I've come across and read more about that was helpful for me and hopefully you'll find this helpful even though we are going to go backwards. I want to go back to this idea that you are an authority, that you are in charge, okay? And I think, once again, there's a lot of confusion in our culture because our culture doesn't like authority and you need to understand this because you are influenced by this culture. Our culture doesn't like authority and not only do they not like authority, But many people don't like to be in authority. And that's a problem. This is going to be a real problem in your home if this describes you. If you don't like to be in authority, because you are a person, a man and a woman under authority, and if you don't like to be in authority, do you understand that's in rebellion? That's disobeying God. So you are in authority within your home. And so we need a biblical understanding of authority. So let's ask some questions. Maybe this applies to you, maybe it doesn't. Maybe this applies to some of your family members that you know, some friends that you can help them with. But let me ask you this. What is the nature of your authority? What is the nature of the authority that you have over your children? So first of all, is it absolute or relative? Is your authority absolute or relative? In other words, is it just something that you're the ultimate authority? And I think you understand you're not. It's been something that's been given to you. And so that ought to help frame the way you think about being an authority within your home. Number two, is the authority vested in the parent? Why do you have authority? I mean, I don't think we're going to be sitting here arguing anymore about whether or not you are an authority over your home. The question is why? Is it because you're just bigger than them and that's why? Is that why you have an authority over your children? Are you in charge because you're smarter or more experienced than they are? Is that why you're an authority over them? Are you called to rule because maybe you're not as sinful as they are and that's why you're an authority over them? Do you have the right to tell your children to do anything you want them to do? I hope you begin to see that if you don't start answering questions like these, you're going to be very confused about the source of authority, and this is going to impact how you execute authority within your own home. So if you're unsure about the nature and the extent of your own authority, then guess who's going to suffer? Your children are. If you're unsure about the nature and the extent of your authority, your children are going to suffer. They're never going to learn the absolutes and the principles of God's Word that teach wisdom. And the problem we have in our culture, and maybe you're guilty of this, right? Maybe you're guilty of this, but the problem that we have in our culture is that if you don't understand these principles, then what do you do when it comes to raising your children? You begin to improvise. And when you improvise, I need you to understand you're beginning to deviate from God's means of raising your children. Now when we begin to improvise, when we begin to deviate from God's way of raising our children, what should we expect within our homes? What do you think you're going to get? Do you think you're going to receive the blesses of God? Of course not. I mean, I know the way I ask these questions, it's kind of obvious what the answer is, but I'm trying to get you to understand this. Here's another question. What's the motivating factor for raising your children? And you need to ask that question and you need to be able to address that question because these motivations are going to dictate the goals you set for your children. I love these words here. And many times these goals are no more noble than the immediate comfort and convenience. Is that the goal for you as a parent is to make sure your children are comfortable and that they have a convenient life? Is that what the Bible says? This author goes on to write, he says, "...when parents require obedience because they feel under pressure, obedience of the children is reduced to parental convenience. Christian parents must clearly understand the nature of godly parenting and children must be trained that God calls them to obey always." I want you to understand, what is motivating you? What motivates you to want to see your children obey? And I want you to think through this. As we go through these principles over the next several weeks, if your motivation, what drives you first and foremost, is that you want to see results and it's not God's honor and glory to begin with, then what happens when you don't see results? What do you begin to do? Let's ask the question again. When you are not motivated first and foremost by doing this because it glorifies and honors God, and your only motivation is just to see results in your children, what do you begin to do when you don't see the results you want to see? Anger and frustration. And you begin to deviate, you begin to look somewhere else other than God's Word. So it's a question of, are you going to trust God? Alright? So you are called to be in charge. So let's address this issue of authority. You have authority, okay? Not because you're bigger, not because you're stronger, smarter, less sinful, whatever reasons that are out there, right? You have authority because God calls you to be an authority in your child's life. You have an authority, and this authority that you have means that you act on God's behalf. We act based on His commands. Your home is ultimately under God's jurisdiction, and so, fathers, you're acting on His behalf. You're actually carrying out the duty that God has given you. And this is important because you don't shape the lives of your children as you please, but rather as God pleases. Turn over to Genesis 18. Let me give you an example of this. In Genesis 18, Pick up the reading. Let's just pick it up. Remember, this is the story where Abraham, he begins to... I guess you could say he's interceding on behalf of Sodom. But anyway, when you get to verse 17, it says this, And the Lord said, Shall I hide from Abraham what I am doing? Since Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him. Now notice this, verse 19, For I have known him in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice, that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has spoken to him." That's an interesting passage. Notice in verse 19 that Abraham is actually doing God's pleasure with respect to his family. He's performing a task based on God's agenda, not Abraham's agenda. Abraham does not have the authority to just wing it, right? He doesn't just get to make it up as he goes. And the point I'm trying to get you to see is that God defines the task. The tasks are found in His Word. Abraham acts on God's behalf. And what you need to learn from all of this is that all of your parenting must be from God's perspective, not yours. And in the words of one, you must undertake all your instruction, your care and nurture, your correction and discipline because God has called you to. You act with the conviction that He has charged you to act on His behalf. Go over to Deuteronomy 6. Luke verse 1, now this is the commandment, and these are the statutes and judgments with the Lord your God has commanded to teach you that you may observe them in the land which you are crossing over to possess. Now remember, this is the second generation. They're about to go over into the new land. Luke 1 says in verse 2, that you may fear the Lord your God to keep all of His statutes and His commandments which I command you, you and your son and your grandson, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged. Therefore, hear, O Israel, and be careful to observe it, that it may be well with you and that you may multiply greatly as the Lord God of your fathers has promised you, a land flowing with milk and honey. Hear, O Israel, the Lord your God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently. to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlet between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorpost of your house and on your gates." Now notice back up there in verse 2. I want you to see that because this verse highlights the parents' responsibility. Notice God has a plan for Israel that includes the children and the grandchildren. And that plan includes instilling the fear of God that manifests itself in keeping His commands. And so God's expectation is that when the parent is instilling this by training the child when they sit, when they walk, when they lie down, right, and when they rise up, this begins to set the structure and the purpose within your home. This is your motivation. This is how you as a parent honor God. And my point here is that God has an objective. God has a goal for your child. And his desire is that one generation follows another in his way based on his prescribed method. And I need you to see that God accomplishes this how? It's through the family. The church is not here to accomplish that goal. The church is here to discipline and train you, the saints, for the ministry. Where's your number one ministry? It's got to be in your home. It's got to start there. You're not faithful there, that disqualifies a man from being an elder. If that doesn't start there, why would you be interested in evangelism around the world? Why are you interested in ministering somewhere else if this doesn't take place within your own home? Do you see why the family is like a great litmus test to find out whether or not one is going to be faithful with what God's given them? And understand, when much is given, much is required. There's nothing greater than your children. Think about the blessings. Think about the Psalm that talks about the heritage they are, the blessing that they are, that God has given you. Are you faithful to what God has given you? Turn back over to Ephesians 6. In Ephesians 6 it says, Notice this command. This command clearly lays out God's objective for you, does it not? You are functioning on God's behalf when you provide training and instruction for your child. Now listen, I realize at first hearing this, it doesn't sound, that's not all that profound. But I want you to understand this. The more you think about it, the more you're going to begin to realize how profound what I just said really is. Why is that? Because the moment you ingrain this in your mind, and the more you ingrain that this is infinite wisdom communicating to you, this is the moment you're going to see the magnitude of what I just told you. You really need to go back and meditate on Deuteronomy 6, Genesis 18. You need to go back and look at Ephesians 6 verse 4 and meditate on this and say, is this profound? Well, this is infinite wisdom talking to you through His Word. Understanding this will enable you to think clearly about your responsibility. You see, the moment you understand that you're God's agent in this task of providing care and training and instruction in the Lord, then you realize that it's not just your child who is under authority. You begin to see yourself as you're a man under authority. You and your child are all under authority. You have different roles, but you have the same master. And the child has to understand this. When will he understand this? when you understand it, when you start displaying it out in front of him. You see, if you think you're in charge because you're bigger, smarter, less of a sinner, or whatever reasons you might think you're in charge, then you really begin to muddy up the discipline and training process. Also, your right to discipline your child is not tied or based on any of those things I just said. It's all based upon what God has called you to do. Also, you need to understand your right to discipline, the goals for discipline, is based on God's agenda, not your agenda. And I hope this is starting to put some things together for you. I mean, if you can get this, then it really sets the priorities for what you're supposed to be doing, what you should be doing with your children. This sets what activities you do, what activities are profitable for you and your family. As you begin to understand what God's Word calls you to be as a father and as a mother to your children when it comes to disciplining them and training their heart and pushing them towards God, then there's certain activities that you're not going to adopt. It also structures and dictates what skills you teach them. And more than that, it begins to teach you who you let influence and instruct your children. There are just certain teachers we have had to cut off in our past because they're undermining what we, me and Marie, had determined from God's Word. We don't want feministic ideologies being taught to my daughters. So when a teacher is driving feministic, individual, independent thinking, critical, Those are not godly virtues that we want to see in our girls, so we have to pull them away from that. Same thing with our boys. When it came to certain sports, I love playing sports, but there became a point where it got away from just, you know what, going out there, enjoying, having fun, playing a little bit of ball, getting to see other folks, and spending time fellowshipping with them, to all of a sudden, now they want to do it on the Lord's Day. Now it becomes consuming. Every day is being consumed with this activity. There are certain men out there that have no business around children because they're hotheads, they foul mouth, right? So there are certain things we had to cut off. And so you're going to have to, when you grasp this, you're going to begin to understand it sets your activities, what you're doing with your children, and more importantly, who you let pour into your children. Also, when you discipline your child, they need to understand that you're disciplining them because you are a person under authority and you're obligated to do so, and that it's ultimately for their own good. When you discipline, what does the child witness in your own home? When you discipline your child, do they see you as a person, as a man under authority, or do they witness outbursts of rage because the child embarrassed you? Do they see someone who is behaving as one is under authority who is executing the will of his Father in heaven? Or do they just see someone who is uncontrollable? Right? And we're going to deal with some of this a little bit more. I want you to think about these questions. So you see that you have a mandate to act. And as you understand that you're God's agent as a parent, then you should understand you have a mandate to act. You have a responsibility to do something from now on, right? From here on out, there's really no excuses for any of you. You know what God's Word has called you to. So you have to act at this point. This means you have to engage your children. You're acting in obedience to God. It's your duty. This means you're not dismissive. This means you have to act in both a positive and a negative aspect of discipline. What do we mean by positive discipline? This is where you spend time lying down, getting up, walking around, whatever it is you're doing, you're constantly using those as opportunities to train your children, to instill godly virtues, to continue to see what, you know, when your child, help them understand ahead of time, when you sin, do you understand that when you sin, it's because you have the nature of a sinner But you have a great God. A great God who can break the power of sin in your life. That's positive. When you see tendencies, attitudes, pride, arrogance, these ideas of just habitual disobedience, you can start being a positive influence at that moment. When a child who is sneaking around, habitually lying, for example, doing things behind your back, What do you do? How do you handle that situation, right? Do you understand what God's Word says about a liar? Do you understand what Proverbs teaches about a child, or a man, or anybody for that matter, who lies? He says it's abominable. He hates it. Does your child understand that? Also, I want you to understand that being in charge is different than being an advisor. You're not your child's counselor. You don't give them just good advice. Ted Tripp has got a pretty good book on this, and let me just try to give this simple point. I hope it drives home the point. It's a very simplistic example, but maybe you'll find this helpful. He says this, if you're willing to say, for example, I have prepared, you know, he's talking about the difference between you being in charge, the authority within your home, versus just being the one that gives good advice. And listen to the example. He says, few are willing to say, I have prepared oatmeal for your breakfast. This is the example he gives. He says, many, most parents, what they do is they say, well, what do you want for breakfast? You don't want oatmeal I've prepared? Then would you like something else? Now, let's think about this. At first glance, this, you think about it, it sounds like kind of an enlightened home, right? You're allowing your kids to make decisions, you're giving them options, right? And that's the road most travel in most homes, okay? But pause for a moment to think about what just happened when you did that with your child. What's the child learning at that moment? The child is learning that he's a valid decision maker at a young age. And as a parent in this scenario, you're just making suggestions. In other words, you're the advisor in this scenario. Now multiply this scenario for all kinds of things, like the clothes they wear, the hairstyle, the Facebook choices, the email accounts, the internet choices, the free time, the schedule choices. what church they get to go to. Do you know how many men I've met in this area here and have challenged them about discipling their children and when I get through with them and they're convicted by the Word of God and they said, yeah, we need to be in a church like that, but you know what, my child likes the church we go to. Really? In what universe does a child ever get to pick what church they go to? They're not qualified to make that decision. What's the problem here? By the time a child who is 6, he is his own boss. And by the time he's 13, he's out of control. You ever seen in Walmart that parent who's trying to conjole, plead, urge in frustration and anger, scream, threaten a child who's 13? But what's the problem? By 13, he's not that little kid who thinks he's his own boss. He's almost a grown man and he thinks he's his own boss. He thinks he's on his authority. Now, how did this happen? It crept in, didn't it? It crept in at an early age when you stopped being the authority and you started being the advisor offering up choices for the child to choose. Where in the scriptures does it ever say you're to be the child's advisor and let him make all the choices for his life? Now some of you are sitting there thinking, because I know what you think. I know how you think. Particularly when you're young ones. Well, how's a child supposed to ever learn how to make choices if you don't ever give them any choices, right? You know somebody's thinking it. One of y'all are, right? Here's the point. Your child will only learn to make sound choices as they observe you as the parent who are faithful to their master. When you allow a child at a young age to make a choice, what is his choice based on at a young age? Self-centered, what makes me feel good for the moment. What else? Is there any other motivations you can think of? Sometimes, yeah. I'll just choose whatever gets you off my back. Yeah, I mean, I can remember thinking like that. What else? Yeah. Okay, so do you see the problem here? It's what he wants, not what God desires. That's the problem. What happens to a selfish teenager who makes decisions based on what makes them feel good? What happens to them? They become young adults who make decisions based on what makes them feel good. That becomes parents who teach and pass this curse on to their children. Certainly none of y'all are going to come here and make a case to me that what's going on in our culture is God-honoring. They become these adults, adults who are self-centered in their thinking. They become parents who pass this on to their children. Do you see what's going on here? Here's the takeaway. Your child needs to understand that every decision has to be made based on an understanding that we are all under authority. First, you need to teach your children that God loves them so much that He gave them parents. He gave your children parents who are under authority to teach and guide them. Second, once your child sees you as someone who is under authority, then he can start to make wise decisions as he watches you. So when do you allow them? I mean, isn't that the logical question? When do you allow them? When I start seeing that my children make decisions based on something other than their own selfish interests. When I see them making God-honoring kinds of decisions, then I say, you know what, the Lord's really working on them. The Lord's really working on my daughters. When I see that, there's certain things that I will allow them to do because they've shown me that they can make those decisions because they are bringing them under the subjection of the Lord. And then there's times when I see that they don't, and I have to pull the reins back in, right? Do you see, when you start training this way, it forces you to have to know the heart of your child. what's driving them, what motivates them. So let's talk about any questions on that one. I know that one probably stirs some folks up. Any questions on that one? That one's tough because, you know, we think we're doing them a service by letting them make choices, but what I'm trying to suggest to you is God's Word would have you to train them how to make choices based on your example and instructing them in the Word, positive discipline, right? And as you see them start to make decisions that are God-honoring, you're saying, I see this working now. They are worthy to make decisions, right? Okay. Well, let's go ahead and let's talk about the dirty side of all this if you don't do this. What happens when you allow a child who only makes decisions based on what he feels, what he wants at the moment. It's self-centered, not God-honoring. And then what about when they start talking about, I want to go out on a date. What do you think is going to happen there? All you got to do is just go out and see. when parents have turned children over to themselves to let them make those kinds of decisions, when they don't have the spiritual maturity to resist those types of temptation. They set them up for failure. Some children think that we're harsh. But the best thing we could do for our children is to protect their hearts, guard their hearts until God has matured them so that they are able to make decisions that are honoring God. Now here's the problem. Some of us, even as adults, we still struggle with this. And we're giving our children a muddy picture. So we need to repent. We need to ask their forgiveness. We need to stop being self-centered. We need to start lining our lives up with God's Word and making godly-based decisions. Because most of us, particularly guys around my age, right? We weren't trained like this. I've talked to most of you guys. We weren't taught like this. So we need God's Word to renew our mind and our thinking along these lines. Well, let's talk about parenting defined. Now, with this foundation that you're God's agent, right? Let's think a little bit about what it means to be a parent. And the reason why I want to talk about this is that I was reading some stuff, I began to realize, you know, society really has reduced parenting. What do you think society has reduced parenting to? What's the definition of parenting to our society? Just out of curiosity. I should have known this, but when I read it, I thought, yeah, it's pretty obvious. Yeah, well, and sometimes it's not even that, right? It has been reduced to, you're the provider. As long as you feed them, clothe them, right? But see, I want you to understand, this is not God's will for you as a parent, as the only thing, right? Do you see the problem with narrowing down parenting to just food, clothes, bed, and some quality time, right? Notice God has called you to something far greater. He's called you to shepherd the heart of your child. And what I want you to understand is that you're always training, you're always shepherding the child. And so in order to do this, you not only need to know your child personally, but you've got to know the Bible and what the Bible has to say about the nature of your child. So, number one, this is going to require you to spend some time in the Scriptures, right? But when it comes to knowing your child, with respect to knowing your child, If someone was to pull you, if I was to pull you aside, could you tell me your child's strengths and his weaknesses, right? So I'm not interested in you and diverging all your dirty laundry. I just want, think about it. If you had to sit down and you say, well, if you said, you know, you put a thing together and you said, here's the strengths and then here's the weak, you know, the weaknesses, right? Yeah. So, based on that, what would you say? What are some strengths that you're looking for in your children? And don't tell me they play the piano well. I'm not interested in that. Alright, so, you know, obedient. What would be the weakness? They're disobedient, right? So, you know, you could say they're disobedient, rebellious, I mean, that would be a true weakness, right, in your child. What else? Integrity, right? So they're truthful, faithful, right? You know, do what they say they're going to do, keep their word, honor their word, integrity, right? I'm trying to think of all the synonyms that go with that, right? So what would be the weakness? How about they just lie, right? What else? Dishonest. So you said untrustworthy. All right. What else did I come up with? Anything else? Responsible. Okay. What else? Diligent. All right. So let's think about some of these over here. What about pride? right, or humility. So love, alright. Do what now? Discernment, okay. Alright, you know, we could, we could, you get the idea, we could do this, I mean I've got things like, What about gossip? What about overly critical? I mean, you've been around people, they just criticize everyone. That's a spirit of arrogance and pride. Are they encouraging? Do they follow instructions? I think that falls under one of these you guys came up with. I was saying, are they joyful? If they don't get their way, can they just be joyful and be content? Have you taught them to learn? Are you joyful when you don't get your way? Because you are the model, you're the example, right? Can you help them from the Scriptures if they're not, if these strengths aren't exhibited there in their lives? Could you go to the Scriptures and help them to see why, you know, habitually lying, sneaking around, right? Being dishonest. I mean, this lying and dishonest is being disobedient, right? When you fall into this one, it's kind of like got a catalog of sins that go with it, right? So the idea is my kids are wired different, every one of them. They have strengths. They have some things on this side and they have some things over here. How do you take the Word of God and you begin to positively discipline and work in that area with them? See, that's different than just saying, I'm here to feed them and clothe them. Feed them and clothe them requires, yeah, I gotta go out there and do a little work and trade my labor for some dollars, right? This is an investment. Now all this is going to become more and more important as we continue to learn to shepherd the child. But most parents really have not really sat down and figured out how to develop strategies from the scriptures to really deal with this category over here. I've got things like envy, malice, rebel, critical anger, things like that. And we're going to deal with some of these as we go through the scriptures and let's try to work through the scriptures and kind of see how you use the scriptures to deal with some of these weaknesses. Now let me ask you this. Why do you think it's difficult for most parents to really deal with this? It takes time, so what does that mean? When you say it takes time, what are you implying there? Sacrifice for what else? If we're not doing it, what does it imply? Studying, right? It kind of implies that we're not willing to make the sacrifice. It kind of implies that we're not willing to take the time to deal with this. And why would that be? It's not a priority, right? I think it's because you don't understand that you're a person under authority. You're okay with the concept that they're under authority, but it ain't really click with you that you're under authority. Because if you understood that, you'd begin to realize, I've got a real brattlefield on my hand. I'm in the fight of my life, and I've got to bring every weapon I know to bear on these issues here. I think you bring vengeance and I think that's a great one and I want to talk about that in a moment because that's actually that or what happens is I'm just going to be their buddy. I'll figure out how to just dismiss all this. I know they like to go, you know, do these things and I'll just do that as a way. And you really don't even get to the heart of the matter here. Don't get me wrong. I mean, I like going out and playing soccer and doing things with my kids, but that's not a crutch to dismiss what we ought to be doing with this. Does that make sense? Because out on the soccer field, we get to witness things about our children that we say, okay, there's something we need to work on, right? It exposes things, okay? All right, so when we think about why we're not doing this, I think everything y'all have said are good, but it also goes back to, I think it has to do with how do we define what a parent is? You see, if parenting is just providing for needs, and if that's your view, then you're not gonna be dealing with these issues, okay? If your view of parenting is just having fun with the kids, then you are actually neglecting your responsibility. So remember the command to Abraham. He was to direct his children to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and what is just. Remember Genesis 18? Remember, being a parent is working on God's behalf and providing godly direction in their lives. And so you must never forget that your child has to understand that they are sinners by nature so they can be pointed to the grace and mercy that God has provided in Christ Jesus. And so if you withhold this from them, if you refuse to deal with this, Why would they ever see Jesus? Why would they ever need a Savior if you're not dealing with these things and helping them understand why it is they're behaving? Why is it that you lie? Why is it that you're disobedient? Why is it that you're rebellious? Why is it that you're arrogant and prideful? If you're not dealing with these things, then you're never really setting them up for the gospel, are you? You're never really bringing the hammer that will do some real work. You're not bringing the sword of the Spirit to this battle. Now when you see this, when you begin to understand that if you're God's agent, the first thing it's going to do is it has to bring humility to the Father. As God's agent, you have to be humble. And so it should be sobering to all of us that when we correct our children, we do so by God's command. You need to understand that. Number two, there is no place for anger. Are we clear on this? There's no place for anger in correcting the children. Many parents typically think that anger is justified when they discipline. I think the reason why this is is that they think they can bring fear to the child if they show anger while disciplining them. Sometimes it's just because You're irritated and maybe you're tired or whatever. But a lot of times, anger is brought into the disciplining process sometimes to establish, I'm going to put fear in them. They're going to do what I say, right? Now, what's the problem with that? The problem with it is that all it does is it manipulates the child through raw displays of anger rather than biblical discipline. And what this does is it teaches the child to fear man and not fear God. You understand that? It teaches them to fear you and not God. Turn over to James chapter 1. In James chapter 1, look at verse 19. So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." Do you hear that? The wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. So the falsehood being demonstrated here that James is talking about is that we will never correct the heart of the child through just raw personal rage. James is clear here that the righteous life that God desires is never the product of uncontrolled anger. Human anger may teach your children to fear you. They may even behave better for a while, but it's not going to bring about biblical righteousness that James is talking about here. The other thing you need to understand is that any change in behavior produced by anger is not going to move the heart of your child closer to God. What it's actually going to do is move them to idolatry. The idolatry of fearing man. And this is why I think James says that, So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. And so, some of your translations has this idea of take note, pay attention. In other words, what James is saying, don't gloss over this principle. Now, if you correct and discipline your child because God mandates it, then there's no reason to clutter things up with the discipline when you're disciplining your child with just unrighteous anger. Correction is not showing your anger for the offense, but it's reminding the child of their sinful behavior really offends a holy and just God. And it's a reminder that God is King and they have to obey Him. Now when you think through things like this and when you begin to put all this together, what benefits does this bring to the child? Well, the parent comes to the child in God's name and on God's behalf. And as parents, you can teach your child to receive correction from you because it means God has appointed you. And so the child learns to receive correction not because the parent is always right, but because God says that the rod of correction imparts wisdom and whoever heeds correction shows prudence. Turn to Proverbs 29. In Proverbs 29 verse 15, it says, "...the rod and rebuke give wisdom, but the child left to himself brings shame to his mother." See, the child who accepts these truths are going to learn to accept correction and by God's grace, this is what we should desire to see within them. In Proverbs 15 verse 32, it talks about, "...the one who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding." And so the child begins to understand that the parent is God's agent. He's used by God in the rule of authority and to direct in God's ways. It also shows your children that you trust God, that you have faith in the one true God when you obey Him and you bring this to their attention. Alright, time's getting away. Alright, let me just give you some closing thoughts to think about. See, discerning these issues can give you strength and courage to do the job which God has called you to do. You're an authority over your child because God has directed you. You provide direction under God's authority. And so what this means is you don't have to be timid in your discipline, but you also don't have to be overbearing. You're God's agent to teach God's ways to your child. You're God's agent to help your child understand himself as a creature in God's world. You help your child understand that he is created in the image of God. He is responsible to show God all glory. You're God's agent to show the need for God's grace and His forgiveness. And so you look to God to give you strength and wisdom for your task. One of the things I want you to understand is when we talk about discipline, it is always corrective in nature. If correction orbits around or surrounds or revolves around the parent who's been offended, then the focus will be venting anger or perhaps taking vengeance. And so the function becomes more punitive than it is corrective. If, however, correction revolves around what God has said, because now he's the offended one, then the focus becomes restoration. You're trying to restore a right order between the child and God. How might he find a right relationship between himself, the child, and his Creator? That's what you're looking for. So the function is remedial at that point. And so it is designed to move a child who has disobeyed God back to the path of obedience. That's correction. That's corrective. Next, discipline is an expression of love. And I don't think we always get this concept, but discipline is actually the greatest expression of love according to God. Go over to Hebrews chapter 12. In Hebrews 12, And look what he says in verse 5, And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as sons. My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by him. For whom the Lord loves, he chastens and scourges every son whom he receives. He says in verse 7, If you endure chastening, God deals with you as sons. For what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. So notice that discipline is a sign of God's identification with us as our Father. And so God disciplines us for our good that we might share in His holiness. And it says that discipline... We all understand discipline is not always pleasant. It's not meant to be. But what it does is it yields a harvest of righteousness and peace. And notice that God sees this as the deepest expression of love. And in this text, God provides an understanding of what true discipline really is. The end goal is correction. It's about restoring the relationship between you and Him. And so the primary thrust of discipline is not to take revenge, but to correct. Go back over to Proverbs 19. Proverbs 19, we'll pick up the reading in verse 18. Chasing your son while there's hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction. Now listen to that. Chasing your son while there's hope and do not set your heart on his destruction. You see, when you discipline your child, what you're doing is you're refusing to put him to death. You're refusing to let him to head down the pathway of destruction. Let me ask you this. Why do you think this is so hard? I think it's hard because most parents don't see themselves as God's agents. And so, when you correct your child, if you're correcting them, if you're only doing it when they irritate you, when their behavior doesn't irritate you, then you don't discipline. In other words, you're not positively disciplining them, right? If this describes you, you're not rescuing your child from the path of danger according to this proverb, but rather, you're airing out your frustration when you just react. When you say, this is my child, he's irritating me, I'm not going to act out. I'm going to respond in such a way, and I'm going to straighten this out now. Rather than saying, I'm God's agent, and I'm going to now help this child understand why it is he's sinning. And I'm going to correct him in a positive sense, and also, we're going to deal with the negative as well, okay? Now if this describes you, then what you're saying is, I'm fed up with you. You're making me mad. I'm going to hit you. I'm going to yell at you for a while. I may even make you sit in a chair in isolation away from the rest of the family for a while until you figure out what you did wrong. That's not discipline. And you never show them the root cause of their behavior. That's not discipline. And instead of yielding a harvest of righteousness and peace, what is it you think it's going to create? It's going to create a very angry child. Do you understand why children resist the correction of someone who only sees them or treats them as an irritation? That's not biblical parenting. Now let me be clear on this. Discipline as a positive instruction does not mean that there are not going to be consequences to bad behavior. I'm not teaching that. What I'm trying to get you to understand is more than the consequences. You need to bring the instruction, right? You need to bring the instruction from God's Word. And so the Bible illustrates over and over again of how God blesses His people through discipline, and we'll deal with this more in our study, okay? Let me just close with a couple of Proverbs for you to think on and meditate on. Proverbs 23. Look at Proverbs 23. Look at verse 15. My son, if your heart is wise, my heart will rejoice. Indeed, I myself, yes, my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak right things. Look at verse 14. I put the wrong verse down. But these Proverbs, what I want you to see is these Proverbs remind us of the great blessings of having obedient children. But remember, your correction must be motivated by the principle and the absolutes of God's Word. Okay? You see, the issue of disciplining are issues of character developing and honoring God. And I want you to understand that God's... what you're looking for is you, number one, have to see yourself as honoring God when you're doing this. Ultimately, who are the results up to? God Himself. Okay? And so you be faithful to God's Word and you take His principles and apply them and honor Him in front of your children and then see how God honors you. But I want you to understand it's God's non-negotiable standard that fuels correction. It's the motivating factor for you in correction and discipline. So first you're to honor God by seeking His wisdom and then applying it within your home. And the next discipline should be moving your child towards God and not away from Him. and then also your discipline and correction should produce growth within the child. So let's stop here and then Laura Willen will pick up, continue our study next week.