Our loving God and our Father in heaven, we thank thee for having us here today. We thank Thee for the privilege of meeting together as God's people and for meeting, O Lord, around the Word of God. We do thank Thee and praise Thee that the Scripture is divine truth, light without darkness and truth without error. And we thank Thee that what the Bible says regarding our homes is the final word. We pray that Thou will teach us Thy way and, O God, give us an insight into the teachings of the Word of God and give us a heart to obey thee. Lord, help in everything we say and do today that Jesus Christ may be abundantly glorified. We ask in Jesus' name and for Jesus' sake. Amen. Right. If you take your notes, you'll see that there are certain reasons why we're having the class at the moment. The biggest reason is we were asked to. Believe me, I did not come volunteering for another job to do right at the moment. But the reason is we got a number of requests that we would have such a class. there were some questions floating around maybe i haven't got them all maybe uh... you uh... can think of others well that'll be fine you can just simply add them to the list and we'll try to make sure we get to them but the most important question was that uh... we keep on hearing about applying the gospel to this and to that uh... how do we put the gospel into operation in the context of home and marriage uh... specifically We were asked how we apply the gospel to those issues that sometimes divide husbands and wives, if not physically that they leave each other, at least in matters of opinion and preference. When you've got those tense situations in a home that can lead to bitterness and anger, sometimes repressed and uh... maybe i should just say in passing uh... for a point of reference something we'll look at perhaps later husbands need to be particularly careful here because uh... that a woman goes quiet does not mean to say that everything's happy and everything has been solved that she shrugs her shoulders and says okay does not mean that either uh... if you're building up uh... and repressing deep disappointment, anger, bitterness. Someday or other, the top is going to blow off that volcano and it's going to be all the worse. So, how do we apply the gospel in tense situations? And when you think of the common things that happen inside a home that are challenges both to harmony, and to happiness. How do you deal with those? Now there are some that occurred, I haven't given any except one here for the sake of brevity, but there's a whole host of things that can occur that challenge harmony and happiness. I give you the example of the question of finances and that certainly is a huge issue, usually because there's not enough of them, and even if there were enough, how do you use them? And differences in outlook. There are certain things that are absolutes, there are other things that are preferences. We'll look at those. As a matter of interest, I'll tell you right up front now what I have done. March the 22nd, God willing, I am due to be preaching in Michigan and I have already engaged Mr. Greeley to come on that day and to deal specifically with money matters. Now it's not going to be a class on how to invest and what to do with your 401k, is that what you call it? And all that sort of stuff. Many of you know all those things already. But there are issues with money matters and especially for young folks starting out. He'll deal with that from a biblical perspective and certainly very well capable and qualified to do so. We've also been asked, what about the roles of husbands and wives? What are then, specifically, what does the word submission involve? What does it mean? How do you actually put that into operation? And then what happens when one or other, husband or wife, seems either to neglect or refuses absolutely to fulfill what you take to be a God-given role? Then you've got children. What do you do with the disciplining of children? Very, very often there are different views between husbands and wives on how to go about this. And very often you will find that that can create a situation that is a replay of what happened in the home of Isaac and Rebekah. where you've got the husband going one way and the wife going the other sometimes you've got one of the children pulled toward the husband and father and another of the children pulled toward the wife and the mother or perhaps and this is much more frequent uh... you find that one or other is the ogre and the kids go running to the other one who behind backs gives the sugar where the other one's been giving the vinegar and uh... there is division So what do we do with that? And one very simple question, but probably the most profound of all, how do we conduct our family devotions in a way that's going to be meaningful, it's going to be something we can actually continue, and it's going to be a blessing to our family. Now let me reiterate what I said when I met with some of you before. I'm not going to turn the Bible into a problem-solving textbook. Most books on marriage simply take texts out of the Bible, hang principles on them, and they will tell you this, that, and the other thing. Some of it good, some of it bad, some of it indifferent. The biggest rap against most of it, not all of it, but most of it, is that in the long run it doesn't work. Now don't get me wrong here, I'm not going to deny this, but I don't like it. I hear continually, marriage is something you've got to work at. Now in a sense that's true. I mean, you've got to work at living. You've got to work at anything. In other words, it takes mental, emotional and physical energy and commitment in every area of life. And marriage is no different. But, I would suspect in most of your cases, you didn't get married because you thought you were taking on a hard day's job. I mean, when you were running after that young woman, you didn't do so because you thought, man, this is hard work. And you girls, once you started praying for that fella, it wasn't hard work. His goose was cooked as soon as you got an answer to prayer. He didn't know it, but it happened. So while it's true that there is diligence required in marriage, I don't want you to overemphasize the fact that it's all work, because you're going to take the joy out of anything you do. And there's a whole lot more than simply working at it. Now if things have gone off the reels, or if there are already problems, yeah, let's work on the problems. But the relationship one to another, fundamentally in the Bible is a relationship of love in Christ. Now, if you put the work ethic first, we're working with each other rather than together working with problems in the light of God's Word. I have a thing, it's not original to me, but when I'm dealing with people, whatever their problem, I set the Bible before them and tell them, you have problems, that book has answers, are you willing for God's answer, no matter what the cost may be? Now if you're willing for God's answer, no matter what the cost may be, that book has answers. Okay? Now, work on the problems in the light of God's word, but remember the basic, the basic relational truth of your marriage has to be the love of Christ the love of Christ so I'm not going to turn the Bible into a textbook simply for solving problems I'm going to seek to answer these questions by applying the gospel we're going to go to the basics today but in doing so remember this I can't cover the whole ground in one day I'll not cover the whole ground and the whole course even, but since I can't cover the whole ground, I will say this, don't take the part and imagine it's the whole. Fundamental to everything I say is going to be your relation in Christ. You're going on together with Christ. You're believing the same gospel. And you're allowing what you believe concerning the gospel to form and inform your marriage relationship inside your own home. with your husband, your wife, with your children. That's got to be the fundamental thing. We will get to that. But today we're getting back to basics. Now we're going to turn first to Genesis chapter two and the first big issue here is why God ordained marriage. There's two big passages of scripture and I want us to look at those because if we don't get the basics right, if the foundation's not strong, then obviously the superstructure can come crashing around you. Now there's nothing profound here, I'm not trying to give you something that's going to be difficult to understand or to remember. Genesis chapter two, we'll start at verse eighteen in a very familiar passage of scripture and the Lord God said it is not good that the man should be alone I will make him and help meet for him and out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air and brought them unto Adam that he would call them to see what he would call them and whatsoever Adam called every living creature that was the name thereof and Adam gave names to all cattle and to the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field but for Adam there was not found and help meet for him and the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept And he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof. And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman. because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Genesis chapter 2 then. Why God created or ordained marriage? First of all, something I say in every wedding ceremony, and you've got to get this clear, you may know it up here, but this has got to be fundamental in our homes. Marriage is not a human institution. The home was not a human invention. It's not a social convenience. It's a God-created relationship. Therefore, what rules in our home is the law of our Creator and the love of our Creator. It is not human convention. It's not what's acceptable in human society. It's not what passes as normal today. It doesn't matter what the world has to say about marriage. Now, that's easy for me to say, but most of the information that we take in about our homes, about our marriage, about what's normal, about what's desirable, what's acceptable, most of that is taken in from a godless and unholy world. I am amazed, I read sometimes, not a lot to be quite honest for it never changes, but now and again just to keep up with the stupidity, I turn from the most important page in the newspaper, which is the funniest, usually has the most sense in it, and the puzzles, Just to show you who rules our house, I don't do the crossword with my wife's at home. That's her job. But Sudoku she doesn't like, so I get to do that. One we share, unless she happens to fill it in. But I want you to see, I'm a very strong boss around our place. But sometimes I turn away to the agony column. Ask whatever you call her. What do you call her? Abir. I don't know if it's Abir or the other one. Can't remember. Almost every chance she gets, if there's a problem at home, dump him. Dump him. You see? That's acceptable today. Marriage was given by God. Never let us forget that. Now, God created a marriage by, first of all, building a woman. and he brought her to Adam so marriage was first and foremost now ladies don't get mad at this was that man might have a help was not good for him to be alone he needed a help that would be before him something that would be in the nice sense of the word in his face Now there are two senses to that, of course. And a wise woman doesn't usually get in the face in the bad sense of it. That which is answerable to him, his alter ego. God created and ordained marriage that Adam might have a help. Now stop and think of this. There's therefore no higher calling for a woman to have. Now, don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying there's no other high or noble calling. God sometimes, I believe, calls particular people, both male and female, to remain single. And far from being inferior in many cases, it is because spiritually they are superior. The Apostle Paul was not inferior because he stayed single. God used him in ways that he couldn't otherwise be used and I have noticed over the years that there are young women and God has kept them single and I have often thought that they are God's gift to the church I can think of young women who in physical beauty were far far more advanced of many of the ones who got married in talent, in ability, in personality they had it all I'm thinking as I say that of one particular girl that used to be in one of our churches in Northern Ireland. She had everything. Just a lovely person. Tremendous abilities. and I believe that she was God's gift to the church and that church of which she was a member today has a wonderful children's ministry not only in their church but in the entire area around in the county going here and there because God gave her a vision and a burden and she did a wonderful work for God and there'll be people in glory because she had the freedom to do what a married woman would not have had the freedom to do I could name you others the same thing. So I'm not saying this is the only legitimate or good or high and holy and worthy calling for a woman. But I am saying there's no calling any higher. Now the world doesn't look at it that way. Although, mind you, things are beginning to change a little. I mean, how often sometimes Christian women fall into this trap. How often do you hear a Christian woman say when she's asked, well, what's your occupation? Well, I'm just a housewife. I'm only a housewife. What about this only? What's the only? What's that doing there? God brought the first woman into being to give her not a second-rate job, but something that was a high and holy and wonderful calling. He specifically built her. It's interesting what you read about the initial creation. God created many things. The little Latin phrase is ex nihilo, out of nothing. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. When it came to Adam, there's another word and we read that God formed Adam. He made him or formed him out of the dust of the ground. And then he breathed into him the breath of life. but there's yet another one word that the Holy Spirit uses when it comes to the creation of Eve and the word is he built her that's a beautiful word you could take that in a thousand different directions I suppose uh... but he built her am I reading too much into it when I say that the Lord is here by the very use of that word indicating something that is foundational to a home, that which is going to be a huge edifice, intricate, beautiful, but difficult. It's going to have to withstand many a storm. How did he set it all going? He built a woman. She's perfectly suited to man's needs, to his physical needs, his emotional needs, his intellectual needs, and his spiritual needs. Now you'll see that lays an awful lot on a woman. The worldly debate about the equality of the sexes is just that. It's a total non sequitur for Christians. Shouldn't ever even have to get raised in the Christian community. It's a stupidity. Actually, when I was growing up, if anybody had ever told me that my mother needed to get equal to a man, I'd have said, you're a lunatic, there's not a man in the world equal to my mother. And that formed my view, by the way, of womankind. That's the background I came from. Therefore, that's how I generally would look at womankind. And I believe that that's God's Word. the help that meets the needs physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually now every wife needs to seek to ensure that she does in fact meet those needs but remember this and this is very important ladies it was in the spiritual aspect that Eve first failed you're going to be busy in a million ways Remember, you're there as a spiritual help. So often, people get the impression that, and all too many men actually foster this impression, and they get sort of, well, I suppose it's their insecurity, but they get mad if the wife has a spiritual opinion, if she has an insight into the Word of God. Now, let's face it, there's many a time, you fellas may not like to agree with this, but it's true many a time, where the wife is intellectually vastly superior to the husband. In most cases that I know, there are outstanding exceptions. But in most cases I know, the wife is spiritually vastly superior to the husband. She knows more about prayer. She spends more time in God's Word. And husbands can have all the excuses in the world they want. This just happens to be a fact of life that I have observed again and again over almost half a century in God's work. So the wife may well be superior in many of those areas. But ladies, remember this. You're there as a spiritual help. Help to meet the needs in all these areas, but don't neglect the spiritual. Now obviously every husband should treasure such a gift from God. You remember The words of Solomon, Proverbs 18, 23, Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing. That's a generality. I have no people who have found wives and man, they were far from good things. But he's speaking now especially to God's covenant people. You find a wife You find a good thing. You remember the famous passage at the end of the book of Proverbs in chapter 31, and I'm not going to read down the whole chapter by any manner of means, but if you look at verse 10, Whoso findeth a virtuous woman, or who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies. That's a treasure. And any man who does not treasure his wife, you remember Paul said, he that loves his wife loves himself. Any man that doesn't treasure his wife is a fool. Now I'm going to give you a wee bit of very practical advice. One of the loveliest homes I ever got to enter was the home of the Reverend John Wiley and his wife Emma. If you haven't read my little biography of John Wiley, A Prophet with Honor, not because I wrote it, but because of the subject matter, you should get it and read it. John Wiley was a tempestuous character. He was a man's man. Ian Paisley used to say, if ever I were in a battle, a real battle, there's no man on earth I would want more at my back than John Wiley. John in public controversy was a lion. But John at home had such a home when you walked into that home, you walked into heaven and you felt it. His wife was the very opposite. She had a very meek spirit. Nobody, not even her own children, ever heard Emma Wiley raised her voice in anger. That's saying something. And that's not an overstatement. That's not some pie-in-the-sky thing, well, they forget it. Nobody that I know in any circumstance ever heard her raise her voice in anger. I've seen her when John was in public controversy and he was practicing and pacing up and down like the lion in the cage what he was going to have to do and it was a tough thing he was going to have to do took guts to do it and he did it by the way but as it was working up and then you see the nervous energy almost flushing his face and he was ready to go Emma came in in just two words she just said now John the tempest subsided. Now that tells you something about the relationship. But let me tell you the key, one of the keys anyway. I remember Emma saying to Joan and me, when Joan and I pray, every single day as we're praying together, We always thank the Lord for each other. Now I want to ask you something. When last did your wife kneel by your side and hear you honestly thank God for my wife? Has she ever heard that? Has God ever heard it? Simple matter. A godly wife is a gift, a treasure. It's worth more than your job, worth more than your savings, worth more than your mother and your father and your family. And I'm not saying it's got to be one or the other. Obviously it shouldn't be. But I'm saying your wife is your treasure and you wives, your husband, is a treasure But in the wife's case, God built this treasure and woe be to the man who takes it lightly. If you're single, one or two single ones here, just a wee word. You ever wonder why did God bring all those animals to Adam? Well, it's obviously given them their names. But look at the context, and there's something very strange there. Adam had to know the uniqueness of man. That's why I always find it a wee bit strange when social scientists go study the habits of a rat or something like that there to find out how you should run your home. He had to find out the uniqueness of man. and find out there's nothing in the world out there for me for the help I need. He couldn't find a mate. But then God did two things. He built him one and he brought her to him. Can I suggest to you there's still no better way on earth than that to find your mate. I have got a book in which the author says it's not true that there's only one person in the world for me or for you and I can understand that obviously if you lost your wife very early on your husband very early on and you emigrated to China or something or some other place yeah there could be another person that's not demeaning your wife or your husband to say that but it's equally foolish to tell people that really You know, you just make your choice. It doesn't matter. It does matter. It does matter. My wife hadn't a hope in the world of escaping me. Hadn't a hope in the world. I'll tell you why. In our church prayer meeting in Dunmurray, Joan was always a great prayer warrior. Now, I didn't fall in love with her praying just. There's a whole lot more about her than that. But nonetheless, when she was praying, and I was praying, as clear as crystal the conviction of God settled in my heart. That is the one for you. And I have never regretted marrying a woman who knows how to pray. God builds, and God brings. There's a whole lot of difference there than the world's way. Now, as I say, and you ladies have to understand this, sometimes you take it as an insult and I don't know why, but fellas marry you because they like the look of you. Mostly. I mean, I don't know anybody marries a girl thinking, man, she's ugly. I don't know anybody does that. I might think she's ugly. I remember a guy who felt very spiritual one time and he came home from college, a bible college with a girl in tow, he was ready to get married and I mean he did it very wrong because she thought she was ready to get married too and as soon as I looked at her I said he'd never marry her I don't mean to be mean here but I've got to be honest physically, facially I knew he would never go through life looking at that girl And I'm just going to leave it there. I knew that. And of course he backed off. He got off on his super spiritual thing and realized I've got to live with this person. Look at this person. You like the look of the one you marry. But if that's all there is, that's all there is, you're in trouble. Because that's going to change. You women might not like to hear this, but I have a theory. That for the most part, there are exceptions, but for the most part, once you get over 30, that's a great evening out. I remember I went to school with people and some looked tremendously beautiful, others looked very ordinary. When you meet them in all their 30 to 40 years of age, one's as nice as the other. For the most part. Now, that's not true with men. They just start lower down than you, and they go downhill from there. They get bald, and they get ugly, and they get wrinkly, and they get fat, and all the rest of it. I will not go down that line. You know, so, I mean, you women are the losers all the time. There's no doubt about that. But, this has to be so much more. I believe in knowing the will of God. I believe in knowing the will of God when you're getting married. Now let me tell you something, if you are married, and you're beginning to say, well, did I marry out of the will of God? What can I do now? Am I married to the wrong one? Should I get rid of him or her or whatever? No, no, no. You're married. You've made vows before God. And whatever way you explain how you got here, this is now the will of God. Preceptively it's set forth in God's Word. as to how you retain, maintain and advance that marriage so God brought her that Adam might have a help but he did that that she might be his equal in worth and dignity you know the old saying Matthew Henry says it a lot of the old commentators say it that God took Eve from Adam's side made her from a rib didn't take her from his head she was not going to lord it over him he didn't take her from his feet he was not going to trample over her but he took her from nearest heart that they might live in love with equal dignity and respect and that equality comes into the very words man and woman in the hebrew it's ish and isha You'll see the similarity of the words. In other words, the root, the nature, the inherent dignity and worth, they're just the same. Now, there are differences of role. I mean, how many women really want to have a man that comes limp-handed with a pink handkerchief and says, oh, it's so nice to see you? I mean, how many of you really want to be married to that kind of a thing? You celebrate the difference. Right? There are differences in many ways, each complementing the other. That's God's plan. That's God's creation. But differences of role and function. It's women who have children, not men. Thank the Lord. Every man knows that if it were you have the first, there might never be a second. And if there were a second, you might have a third, but there'd never be anything beyond that. Every man knows that he would never be able to go through all that. There are differences of function, there are differences of role. But that has absolutely nothing to do with difference of worth. And any man who does not treat his wife with dignity, with respect, with honor. Now those are old-fashioned words. Very old-fashioned words, but they're very biblical words and truths. Any woman who does not treat her husband with dignity and honor and respect, they're missing the very meaning of what it is to be a man and a woman, man and from man. Paul works this out, and I don't have time to go there this morning, in 1 Corinthians chapter 11, a little bit further, as he's dealing with the issue of head covering. You wonder, how does that get into marriage? Well, we'll get there in due course, and you'll find it actually has a whole lot to say about the marriage relationship. and about the husband-wife and man-woman relationship. But Paul is dealing with that and he's showing that the man is not from the woman, the woman is from the man. And yet you can't have the one without the other. There is an inherent equality of dignity and treating each other that way. In Genesis 2 you find that God brought them together to fashion a solid family life. they both should be one flesh in 320 of Genesis he calls her Eve because she's the mother of all living and either that is an addition given by Moses as an editorial comment that she became the mother of all living or Adam was speaking prophetically that she would be in fact some of the old versions actually translated that way that she would become the mother of all living but God brought them together to establish a family, a home, a real home solidly based. He brought them together to live in absolute, total and complete faithfulness to each other. There are two words that you should notice as you look at verse 23. This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman for she was taken out of the man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife. Two words, leave and cleave. That's what the Lord says. Now the word cleave, you know, it can mean to cut in two. That's not what you're to do with your wife. Don't take the hatchet to the wife. However much she provokes you, let it be on record that I give you my advice. Do not take the axe to the wife. And you wives, don't take the axe to your husband. That's one meaning of cleave. You cleave wood, you split it. That's actually more than just being juncular. For that's how most, all too many at least, if not most, I don't want to be cynical, there are very few happy marriages. Really happy marriages. And in all too many cases the only cleaving it's done is splitting, cutting, hacking, hurting, verbally, emotionally, sometimes physically. I despise the brute of a man who would use superior physical strength to beat up on a woman. I despise that. Of course we're taught nowadays there's more physical abuse from women to men than the other way around. And I despise that equally. That's not the meaning of cleave. The word cleave means stick to, cling to. Cling to your wife, even if you've got to leave your parents. And I'm going to put this to you, if your parents come between you and your wife, there is no choice to be made. Shouldn't be one or the other. Your wife comes first. You stick to her. And there's a very important little word in Proverbs 5.18 that you should never forget. And here's what it says. Rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Most of us get married when we're young. As I say, you marry somebody because you like them, you like the look of them, you like the sound of them, you can't get enough of them, One of the signs that you're in love is you're in touch with them every day. If some day goes by you're not there. There's something wrong with this day. You know what that's like. I hope you do anyway. Right? But then a few years go by. What happens? Well, I don't need to romance my wife anymore. I've got her. I don't need to woo my wife. I've got her. I know cases where it's actually been spelled out like that. You just are here for my use. I don't need to win you. I've got you. It's the language of folly. Absolute folly. Let me put it to you very simply. You marry that girl and you stick to her with absolute faithfulness. You marry that man and you stick to him with absolute faithfulness. This is what God had in mind when he ordained marriage. Now you'll be delighted to know that I have lived up to my reputation. I was finished about 15 minutes ago and you were to get to ask questions. I was also supposed to have finished another page of the notes and got right through 1 Corinthians chapter 7. I'll try to marry this and the, you like the pun in the word, and the notes for next week, I'll try to get on a little faster but the foundational stuff is very important so that's why i've taken the time and i want to take some time in first corinthians seven as well because this is why god ordained marriage if you understand why god did it what god intends then you'll know at least a road map sort of thing where we're going due course by the grace of god we'll get into the gospel and how to get there twenty two minutes after ten We should have finished two minutes ago. If there are any big questions, come see me afterwards. And if it's very instructive to answer them, I'll bring it up at the next class. Would that suit everybody? I must say you're all very quiet. I can hardly believe it. Some of you I know, and I know you're not normally this quiet, so I appreciate you being here. I hope the Lord will bless us as we look into his word together. Let's have a closing word of prayer. John, would you lead us in a closing prayer? Heavenly Father, we do thank you again for this Lord's Day that we can meet around your word. We do thank you for the instruction we received this morning. Dear Lord, we do thank you for what you have given to us in marriage. We pray that we would seek your face each and every day as a couple to further build our marriages around you. Dear Lord, we thank you for your mercies that are renewed to us every day. We thank you that you provide our needs and that you are our source of comfort during even economic troubles, spiritual troubles, and physical troubles. We pray that we would learn to rely more on you and not on ourselves. We pray in your name. Amen.