Thank you, Pastor. What a good Saturday evening crowd, and what a good spirit. Thank you, Pastor, for the privilege to be with you. Many years ago, I think it was probably during the 1930s, a young man was about to graduate from college. For many months, he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom. He knew his father could well afford it, and he told his dad that that was all that he wanted. As graduation day approached, the young man awaited signs that his dad had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his dad called him into his study, told him how blessed he was to have such a fine son, how much he loved him, handed him a beautifully wrapped gift box. Curious, a little disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely leather-bound Bible with his name embossed in gold across the front. He got angry. He raised his voice to his dad and said, All your money and you give me a Bible? And he stormed out of the house and left the Bible behind. Many years passed. The young man became very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but he knew his dad was getting older. He thought maybe he should go see him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. In 2 Kings 4, verse 8, It fell on a day that Elisha passed to Shunem, where was a great woman, and she constrained him to eat bread. And so it was that as oft as he passed by, he turned in thither to eat bread, and she said unto her husband, Behold now, I perceive that this is an holy man of God, which passeth by us continually. Let us make a little chamber, I pray thee, on the wall, and let us set for him there a bed, and a table, and a stool, and a candlestick. And it shall be, when he cometh to us, that he shall turn in a thither. And it fell on a day that he came thither, and he turned into the chamber, and lay there. And he said to Gazi's servant, Call this Shunammite. And when he had called her, she stood before him, and he said unto him, Say now unto her, Behold, thou hast been careful for us with all this care. What is to be done for thee? What is thou be spoken for to the king, or to the captain of the host? And she answered, I dwell among mine own people. Notice that phrase. And he said, What then is to be done for her? And Geza answered, Verily she hath no child, and her husband is old. And he said, Call her. And when he had called her, she stood in the door, and he said, About this season, according to the time of life, thou shalt embrace a son. Now just pretend for just a minute that you've never heard this story before. This woman has wanted a baby all of her life, she's never been able to have a child, and now suddenly she finds out she's going, the prophet says to her, you're going to have a child. Now, what would you expect her to say? I would expect her to say something like this, oh, this is wonderful, this is a blessing, this has been the dream of my life, thank God, thank you. That is not what she said. And she said, Nay, my lord, thou man of God, do not lie unto thine handmaid. And the woman conceived and bare a son at that season that Elisha had said unto her according to the time of life. I want to speak to you tonight on the subject, Expectations the Enemy of Relationships and Gratitude. We call this woman the Shunammite woman. It simply means we don't know her name, but we do know that she was from the town of Shunamm. Though she was by no means And though she was an unnamed woman, she was by no means an insignificant woman. She is the only woman that I know of that the Bible calls a great woman. The word in the Hebrew means great, prominent, or influential. Same word is used in the phrase, great is the Lord. Obviously she was an outstanding example of a godly woman. There are many that we might call great women. They may or may not be right. But here is clear authority that this woman was a great woman. And in what ways then do we see her greatness? First of all, read this off the screen out loud with me everybody. Would you please all together? Here we go. She had a deep contentment with her lot and her position in life. When Elisha said to her, what is to be done for thee? You likely talk to the king or to the captain of the host. Apparently Elisha was well connected. She said, I dwell among mine own people. Where was she? At home with her husband. Later with her husband and child. Where might she could have been? Maybe she could have been in a royal position with royal treatment. possibly a lady representative in the king's palace with royal income and royal provisions. You know there's something beautiful and special about a man or a woman who want what they have and have what they want. Now this first point, Be content with the place and the position that God gives you in life. It is as important for men as it is for women. Men have faith, have vision, have goals. But when you're in God's will doing what God wants you to do, then be content. For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Now this first point is really a foundation for the second point. Why was she a great woman? And it is because, read it please, she had no wrong expectations. Now, that's a bigger deal than you might think that it is. When Elisha said to her, You want me to talk to the king, to the captain, the host? She said, don't worry about it. I dwell among mine own people. I don't need to talk to the king. I don't need anything from the king. And then when he said, thou shalt embrace a son, she looked at him and said, Nay, my lord, thou man of God, do not lie unto thine handmaid. And what was she saying? She was saying, don't give me wrong expectations. I cannot handle them. And you know what? Not only could she not handle them, she was a great woman and she knew she couldn't handle wrong expectations. May I tell you, I don't care how long you've been saved. I don't care what kind of Christian you are. I don't care anything about your background. May I tell you, You and I both struggle with expectations. And then he said to her, you are going to have a son. Here is the message. Have faith. Have vision. Have goals. Have trust in God. Learn to ask God for the things you need and the things He wants you to have. but get rid of most, if not all, of your human expectations. Expectations create problems. Expectations destroy friendships. Expectations produce anger. Expectations are the enemies of your being able to develop a grateful spirit. Expectations damage contentment. Expectations produce bitterness and disappointment. I remember years ago, now I was a pastor, I told you, for 36 and a half years in Lincoln, Illinois. And I remember a situation that happened that really caught my attention and really gave birth to this whole message. There was a rebellious teenage girl who was very troubled living in a divided home with an angry stepfather and One, they were coming to our church. There was this whole family of them. They were driving quite a distance, like an hour and a half or so to come to our church. And one Sunday morning, my schedule on Sunday morning, I usually during the Sunday school hour would just shut myself up in my office and study and pray and then come out in the morning service. And it was just the best thing for me. Not all preachers do things the same way. And one Sunday morning, About halfway through the Sunday school hour, there came a knock on my office door. And I looked out the door, and I saw this father, actually stepfather, with his teenage stepdaughter standing right next to him. And I opened the door, and I said, yes sir, brother. And he said, Brother Davis, he said, I know you don't like to be bothered right before you preach, But he said, you know, we drive a long ways to come to church, and he said, honestly, we fought all the way here this morning. And he said, the tension is so bad in our home, I don't know whether we can even stay for church. Could you possibly take a few minutes and talk to my stepdaughter here and try to help us out a little bit? And I said, Sure. So she came in, sat down across the desk from me, and I had her start pouring out what the problem was, and she told me how upset that she was having to live with her stepfather instead of her real father, and that she wanted a, quote, normal home. Does anybody really have a completely normal home? I'm not sure there is such a thing on this earth, alright? And so she was very distressed about this, and she's pouring out all the problems, and she's telling me that she sat down with another counselor, and that he talked to her, and she was pouring it all out, and that he was talking to her, and that he made the statement to her that expectations ruin relationships, and that she had to be careful of her expectations, and I said, whoa, whoa. You just said three words I've never heard put together before. And she said, what? I said, I don't know. Go back. You said something about expectations. And she said, read it with me please. He told me that expectations ruin relationships. She went on and I said, no, no, no, you hold on. I've got to grab something. I've got to write that statement down. I have never heard that statement before. And I grabbed a pen or a pencil, wrote it down, and I'm going to tell you it's very true. Let me clarify it for you. Our expectations are usually built on what we perceive to be our rights. Did you ever hear somebody say this? I have a right to be happy. I have a right to not be treated that way. Did you know that your expectations can destroy godly parenting? If I feel like I have a right to have godly children, I have four daughters, they're all married, I have fourteen grandchildren, I have three great-grandchildren, and another great-grandchild on the way now, and you know, if I feel like I have a right, to have godly children, godly grandchildren, godly great-grandchildren because of the work that I put into the training or whatever, then those expectations are going to be a problem. I remember standing at a, I speak at homeschool conventions sometimes, and I was standing at the table, and there was a couple of guys that were standing there, and they came up, they're standing there talking, and this one guy's talking to me about the problems he's having with his children, and this other fellow, walks up, and he listens for a minute, and then he says, well, I want to tell you something. I'm going to have godly children. They are going to be godly. I promise you. I'm doing what I have to do, and they, and I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I said, you're scaring me. I said, you know, you do what you can do. You do the things that God says for you to do, then you humbly fall on your face before God and say, God, if you don't do it, it can't be done. And Lord, please, I said, if you get cocky or proud about raising your children, it's almost a sure thing that you'll lose your children, you know? You have to stay humble. Some of y'all maybe know the folks Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, and they're friends of ours. And I speak with them a couple of times a year at Fort Rock Family Camp over in Combs, Arkansas. It's a real remote area, and they live about an hour away from there, and they come over to the camp on Saturday nights, and they will speak, and I've been speaking before they get there, and then after they leave, I speak again. But anyway, We'd been in their home, and one Saturday night they were speaking and they made, I forget whether it was Jim Bob or Michelle, made a profound observation. I believe it was Jim Bob said this. He said, when our children were younger, he said, we expected, catch that word, We expected them to do tasks or jobs that we gave them to do to perfection. But he said they were children. And he said children don't do many things to perfection. And he said what was happening was we expected them to perform here, But their capability was only here and everything between here and here was frustration and anger and fussing and correction and no praising. We had to get rid of our human expectation for perfection and get what God expected our children to do, which was more like this, and so that when they got a job done, and they had done it here, and that was probably as good as we could expect a child to do it, then we could praise them for it, and say you did a good job, and thank you, and it would create a lot better atmosphere in our home. Now, should you have a goal to have godly children? Yes. Should you believe that if you're humble, obey God, do your part, trust God, He will give you godly children? Yes. That does not mean that you have a right to have godly children. On the table back there is a DVD. It's in the youth collection called, What to Expect from a Twelve-Year-Old. Years ago now, I was meditating one day on the passage in Luke chapter 2 where Jesus was in the temple with the doctors in the law, and He was 12 years old. So you see Jesus, you see Him as a baby, you see Him at age 12, and you see Him at age 30, and you don't see Him hardly at all anywhere in between that. And I was just thinking, why did God show us the 12-year-old Jesus? And God gave me the message on what to expect from a 12-year-old. And seven key points, I'm just going to run through them here real quick. Expect a 12-year-old to have a mature sense of responsibility, purpose, and destiny. That's what Jesus had when He said He was hearing the doctors asking them questions and He said to His mother and to Joseph, I wish you not that I must be about my father's business, a mature sense of responsibility, purpose, and destiny. I look back in history, you can find Alexander Hamilton, one of our country's founding fathers, and he was running his own mercantile business on the island of St. Croix in the West Indies when he was, I think, 12 years old. You can find John Quincy Adams who eventually became President of the United States. But John Quincy Adams was an ambassador to Russia at 14 years of age. Can you imagine President Trump appointing a 14 year old to be ambassador to Russia? We can't even conceive of that. But a couple hundred years ago, that was not apparently an uncommon thing. You have David Farragut, who was the captain of a captured English ship when he was 12 years old. You have Hugh the Red. You have Edward of England. One of the best kings that England ever had was the boy King Edward. You had Peter the Great of Russia. A boy king, you had William Jay, you had Vance Habner. I heard Vance Habner preach years ago. I heard him preach several times, but he was a boy preacher, along with Dr. Bob Jones Sr., eventually founded Bob Jones University in Greenville, South Carolina. And people would come from everywhere when these guys were boys to hear them preach. And secondly, have a keen sense of discernment, especially in relation to the company that he came from. Where was Jesus? He was in the temple talking to the doctors. A burning hunger, a 12-year-old should have a burning hunger to understand truth and wisdom, should be fully obedient, consistently respectful, fully committed to doing the will of God, and an unmistakable godliness about his life. Now, those expectations are not built on parental rights. They are simply God-given goals that emphasize the responsibility of young people to respond to God and the responsibility of parents to train their children and those The truths right there motivate young people because, read it please, God's expectations are never unreasonable. After I released that DVD a number of years ago now, we got a telephone call and a man said, could I tell you about that message and the impact it made on our home? And I said, I'd love to hear about it. And he said, well, He said, my children, and I watched that message on Monday night in our home, and on Tuesday night, we were having dinner, and my 10-year-old son asked to be excused from the table, got up from the table, cleared his place at the table, started clearing, cleaning up the kitchen. We hadn't said a word to him, and I said, son, this is wonderful, but you've never done anything like this before. Why are you doing this tonight? He said, well, He said, I heard Mr. Davis on that video last night say that by age 12, I was supposed to be fully responsible. Dad, I'm 10 years old. I think it's time I got with it. Don't you think so? God's expectations are motivating. Man's expectations can sometimes demotivate somebody. God's expectations are never unreasonable. Man's expectations sometimes are highly unreasonable. So, it emphasizes the responsibility. Somebody said this, emphasize rights. and you will have a rebellion, emphasize responsibilities, and you will have a revival. Now, that's why that message motivates that young people, because it emphasizes what God expects, and what God expects is never wrong or heavy. Jesus said, My yoke is easy. My burden is light. Jesus' yoke fits us perfectly. But what man expects based on perceived human rights may often be oppressive. One parent explained this to his children like this. No, I do not have a right to be treated respectfully by you, but I do have a responsibility to teach you to respect your authority. So, parents, You need to teach your children to respect others, to stand up before their elders, to speak respectfully, and so on. That is so very important. Now, the Shunammite woman and her husband gave, expecting nothing in return. Interesting verse in relation to this, the words of Jesus in Luke 6, verse 35, where He said, Love your enemies and do good, and lend hoping for nothing again. There is a principle right there. If you're going to loan, don't expect it to be paid back. I was a pastor, I said, for many years, and pastor about once every year or two, I would try to stand up and say to my congregation, please, Don't loan money to somebody in the church unless you're truly, from your heart, willing to give it to them. Now why did I say that? Well, let me illustrate it like this. You've got Brother Jones over here, you've got Brother Smith sitting over here. After the service, Brother Jones goes to Brother Smith and he says, Brother Smith, I've been out of work, I'm having trouble paying my bills, and they're going to cut my power off, and we don't have hardly any food, and I was just wondering if you could loan me a thousand dollars. He said, I've got some money coming in, and I've got some money coming in in two weeks, and I'll pay you the thousand back, and I'll pay you an extra two hundred when I do. So, Brother Smith loans him the $1,000 and two weeks later they are both in church together and what is Brother Jones expecting? He's expecting Brother Smith to walk up to him and hand him a check or cash for at least $1,000. He's really hoping and expecting $1,200 and Brother Smith dodges Brother Jones. And Sunday night, Brother Jones comes expecting Brother Smith, and Brother Smith usually comes on Sunday night, but he's not even there. And the next week, same kind of thing again, and the next week, Brother Jones catches Brother Smith, and, hey, Brother, did you remember about, oh yeah, yeah, Brother, I just, there was a little something that came up, and I'm sorry, but I promise you I'll have it, Two weeks from today you'll have it, and two weeks from today he doesn't have it, and two months later he doesn't have it, and expectations ruin... What's those three words? Y'all remember those? What are they? Say them. Expectations ruin relationships. We had a lady in our church in Illinois that, a man in our church, borrowed money from her years ago, and she dropped out of church, he was supposedly a leader in my church, and if she had talked to me, I would have told her, don't loan him the money, I don't care what he says, you don't loan him the money. But she didn't ask me and she's been out of church for years and years now because he never paid her that money back. My guess is now he probably will never pay her back. I don't know how many years it's been and I don't know how much the money was, but she was really upset. Lend hoping for nothing again. Don't loan money to anybody unless you're truly willing to give it back, give it to them if they never pay you back and not be upset. And you say, well what do I say if somebody comes and wants to borrow money? Then you say this, you know what? I treasure our friendship too much to loan you money because it could mess up our friendship. And so I'm honored that you ask, but I just can't loan the money because I'm afraid it could ruin our friendship. Read the three words again, everybody, please. Listen to this, somebody wrote an advice column. I feel as though I'm being treated unfairly by my across the street neighbors. We've been good friends for many years, have done each other several favors. Their daughter is getting married next month. They know I have a small video business. My specialty is weddings. I've not been asked to video the wedding, and I'm terribly hurt about this. Am I entitled to an explanation? I'd sure like to have one. I'm an older guy. I'm mature enough to take it, but I don't know how to act. I'm sure I'll get an invitation to the wedding, and then what? And actually the advice that was written back here was pretty good. Go, be gracious, and keep your mouth shut. Your neighbors don't owe you a job. They may have assumed you prefer to be a guest instead of an employee. How about this one? Somebody wrote an advice column this. Two years ago on the night before my wedding, two members of the wedding party, brothers, told me they were low on funds, would have to wait a while to send their wedding gifts. I said that was okay and not to give it a thought. Since one year is the time allowed to send wedding gifts, according to Leticia Baldridge, whoever that is, they are long past due. Both brothers have been employed steadily and seem to be living well. Two months ago, one of the brothers asked for my new mailing address so he could send me a card. Three weeks later, he apologized, said he was mailing the card that day. It never came. I'm still good friends with both brothers. I wonder how long that's going to last. But I feel insulted that two members of my wedding party didn't send a card, let alone a gift. Should I tell them how I feel, or what should I do about it? Preacher, you might want to close your eyes. The next picture I'm going to throw up is the kind of thing that gives pastors heart attacks, alright? I know, alright? I stepped down after 36 years because, honestly, I had a heart attack, and the chest pain wouldn't stop, and I realized I just can't keep doing this anymore. I had done it for as long as my body was going to take it. That is a church shower. Oh my. I got a pastor's packet that's in the free download section on my website. It's for pastors, but anybody could actually download it. There's guidelines for showers in that. They don't work. They can help, but nothing solves that problem. Nothing. Well, what are you talking about, Brother Davis? Well, you've got Mrs. Doodle Digger over here and Mrs. Doodle Digger goes to every shower the church puts on. She never misses a shower. She is always there for every shower. She's been doing it for years and she always brings a nice gift and now her daughter is getting married. And they're gonna have a shower for her. And she knows her daughter's gonna get lots of gifts. And the night of the shower, there's a snowstorm. And they usually have 20 people show up for the showers, and that night they had five people show up, and half of them didn't bring a gift. And on Sunday morning, Mrs. Doodledigger comes into church, and she looks around, and she is miffed at every lady in that church. And it's your fault! Because you forgot to make the announcement about the shower! It doesn't matter! No, you're not allowed to be human. I don't care. You're a pastor. You cannot be just a human being. And I think you forgot on purpose, that's what I think. You don't like me and my family. You don't really like my daughter. I'm getting what I'm saying here, alright. Obvious I'm overdoing this, alright. But, and you know what? That's all it takes for that whole family to leave the church. That's it. And if they don't do it right then, they'll keep it in their craw and in their heart until they find a better excuse, and then they'll leave the church, but it'll really go back to that one back yonder. Here's somebody wrote an advice columnist. My husband and I have been married 12 years. We have two children, 11-year-old daughter, 10-year-old son, both involved in sports since first grade, mostly soccer and basketball. The problem is my husband, he has very high How'd you guess that? Of our children's performance in sports. He lectures them before the game, tells them what to do during the game, criticizes them after the game. He screams so much his voice becomes hoarse. He made both kids cry when he was assistant coach last season. He had several outbursts, including swearing, one embarrassing performance resulting in a stern warning from the referee. My husband behaves this way only when sports are involved, but I can't deal with this much longer. He thinks I'm crazy and says I don't understand because I never played sports. I need your advice. Wow. God had blessed our church. We had a big piece of land. We had a beautiful auditorium and we built a ministry center that had a double gymnasium in it. And so we could play two basketball games at one time, or two volleyball games, or a basketball game and a volleyball game. So we would have other churches come. We would have tournaments. We would have intramural sports. And the last few years I was pastor, around November every year there would come this knock on my office door. Brother Davis, are we going to have team sports this year? And the last three or four years I was pastor, I guess I got to be a pessimist in this area. I hope I wasn't a pessimist overall. But I would look at them and I would say, and who will we knock out of the church this year? Last year we lost this family and this family over sports. Y'all remember that? The year before that, we lost this family. And the year before that, we lost that family. And we had done everything I could figure to... You know, we no longer lined them up against the wall and then just chose. Because the last player chosen, how does he feel, you know? And so I said, no, we're not doing that. Uh-uh. No, we're not doing that. But then, what do you do when You've got ten people on one team and only five can be on the floor and they really want to win! And so they put the best five out there and they're not willing to play the others. And I would say to our people, what should you expect in sports? If you expect to always win, then you're going to damage relationships. Expect to do your best, expect to be honest, leave the outcome to God, because 20 years from now, it won't matter whether you won or lost, but it will matter a lot how you played the game, I promise you. That little principle really is true. I remember we had sports one time, and we had a bunch of teams playing, and we decided Before that, we would use some leaders, some men in the church to referee. But we thought, okay, for the tournament, we better bring in outside referees. So we brought in outside referees, and one of our young men got upset with a call that one of these referees made. This referee was probably not even a Christian. and the young man who was a Christian didn't like the call he made and screamed at him and told him where to go and did not tell him to go to heaven. On the court, at a church, in the preacher, it took us three months to overcome that one outburst. And we lost the whole family. I mean, did you ever hear a lady nag her husband? Honey, this isn't going to work. See, it's not working. See what I'm trying to tell you? It won't work. See, I told you it wouldn't work and you better be glad I'm a submissive wife or I would have never tried it to start with. Why do ladies nag their husbands? They have expectations based on perceived rights. Those expectations are not being met. The heart of the whole message is this. Give all your human expectations to God. Ask God by faith to let you have whatever He wants you to have. If I had one verse that was a text verse for this message, it would be Psalm 62, 5. My soul, wait thou only upon God, for my expectation is from Him. So many people wind up bitter or confused because of wrong expectations or unfulfilled expectations. I collect Bible pictures and this is actually a pretty accurate Bible picture from Luke chapter 24. It is after the resurrection and Jesus is walking along the road to Emmaus with Cleopas and this other fella. He's not named for us. Y'all get this, would you please? This is after the resurrection. The greatest event in the history of the world has just taken place. The Son of God, God the Son, the Lord Jesus Christ has come in human flesh and He's lived a completely perfect life, performed hundreds and thousands maybe of miracles, died a sacrificial death, paid the sin debt for every person of all of history who would trust Him as Savior. He was buried. Are you ready for this? He rose from the dead. I mean, These guys should have been bouncing off the wall! And they're like this. Do you know why? They had wrong expectations. We trusted, we expected that it had been He which would have redeemed Israel. Their expectation was for a political and military messiah who would lead Israel to throw off the yoke of bondage of the Roman Empire. Jesus didn't do what they expected Him to do even though He did the greatest thing in the history of the world. because they had wrong expectations. They're all down in the mouth and discouraged about it. And Jesus explained things to them and their eyes were opened and they began to understand what was really going on. Listen to this next statement. Hold on to your seat. Jesus often disappoints people. Not because he fails. The song is true. Jesus never fails. But people come to Him with wrong expectations. And there is no way that God is going to meet every expectation you have. If so, neither we nor our loved ones would ever get sick. If so, neither we or our loved ones would never get old. They would never die. He's not going to meet every human expectation that we have. So many times our expectations bring us disappointment and discouragement and leave us disillusioned. It's easy to become grouchy or bitter. Expectations are a major reason that many marriages get in trouble early on. In fact, this is the first message in the whole marriage collection because I wanted people to realize that if you don't get rid of your human expectations before you get to the marriage altar, everybody's got this in their mind what marriage is going to be, you know? She's got her expectations. He's got his expectations. and he doesn't meet hers, and she doesn't meet his. And they have to get rid of God's expectations, or get rid of their own expectations, and get God's expectations. But you hear things like this, well I didn't expect it to be like this. I didn't expect him back like that. I didn't expect her to be so cold. I thought surely he loved me enough to change after we got married. I really thought he would quit that bad habit for me. Ask almost any pastor or counselor. Some couple comes in having problems and you hear phrases like this. Well, I expect him to read the Bible and he doesn't do it. I expect him to be home from work by 6 o'clock when he didn't make it. I just threw his supper out the back door. I expected that after working hard all day, I might at least have supper on the table when I got home. And when it wasn't there, I told her, don't worry about it. I'm going to the steakhouse and getting me a meal by myself, woman. Those things really solve the problems, don't they? It happens on the job. I've been there a year and a half. I really thought I would have gotten a raise six months ago. It happens in the home. I really thought my brother or sister would treat me better than that. It even happens in the church. Well, I didn't really expect to be treated like that in church. You know, maybe you need to put these three words on your refrigerator at home where you see them every single day. Read it again, would you please? Expectations ruin relationship. Give all your expectations to God. Let Him give you the expectations He wants you to have. I heard a man tell hi and his sister how he and his sister saw their dad go through a special little routine after every meal for years and years. Dad would get up after the meal, walk around the table, kiss their mom, and say, thank you, darling, for that delicious meal. Do you realize what those girls would expect out of their husband when they got married? And what happens instead when one morning he says, these biscuits don't taste like my mama's biscuits. And she says, if you wanted your mama's biscuits, you should have stayed at your mama's house. And he says, well I thought, you see where this is going? Huh? You get this? Watch out for your expectations at funerals, at weddings. at courtships that lead to the marriage altar. How many dads here have daughters? Let me see your hands. How many dads have daughters? May I warn you of something? You will never meet a guy good enough for your daughter. He does not walk on planet earth. He is not here. He is not going to be here. He has never been. He will not be. I have four fantastic sons-in-law, but the reason my sons-in-law are great sons-in-law is because they met God's expectations to meet my expectations. They would have had to do that right there. So I had to throw out my expectations and get God's, and that made us all happy. Dads, be careful what you expect a young man to do to get your daughter. I'm not saying make it easy. A man was made to face a challenge and appreciate what he has to work for. But make sure your expectations are God's, which will be reasonable several times over the years. I've counseled with young men about when they pop the question, will you marry me? And about the ring that they give the girl. And I suggest to them that they do their best to find out what she really likes because this may be an area that a lady has been dreaming about since she was a little girl. I have dealt with wives who have been upset at their husband for years and he never knew it. By the way girls, if you get the right guy with a ring you don't like, you're better off than if you get the wrong guy with a ring that you do like. I remember years ago, Pastor, I was sitting in the office counseling with a couple who were having marriage problems. And it came up. She looks at me and she looks at him and she says, 23 years ago, he told me that we didn't have the money to have a honeymoon when we got married, but as soon as we got the money, we were going to have a honeymoon, and it's been 23 years, and I'm still waiting. Whoa. Now, by the way, he was wrong, and I told him so. And I told him, I said, it's time for you to make that one right. What about those who work for you? Yours is a responsibility under God to help them become what God wants them to be. Make sure your expectations of them are God's expectations which will be right, reasonable, and just. Your expectations can easily become wrong, unreasonable, and unjust. And what should you do about this in relation to those that you work for? Give your expectations to God if you're being treated poorly, wrongly, or unjustly. appeal based on what you believe God sees as right, and if that doesn't correct it, then you ask God to let you go somewhere else if that's what you need to do. Well, the best ways to keep from becoming bitter is to not expect to be treated fairly. I heard about a prisoner who went before a parole review board, and he expected to be released from prison, and he was given twenty more years. Can you imagine what that was like? Do not expect to be treated right. Don't expect to be remembered on your birthday. Don't expect to be remembered on your anniversary. Keep your word with your children, but do not try to shelter children from every disappointment that comes their way. Try to warn your children when you see disappointments coming. Be careful what you expect out of God or any authority figure. It's amazing to me what happens in America. We expect a normal baby. And the baby is not, quote, what we would call normal. By the way, folks, could I define a normal baby for you? A normal baby is just a living, breathing baby, alright? And they maybe have all kinds of physical problems, but they're still normal. Alright? And in our day, if the baby is not what we think is normal, we abort the baby, murder it, or we get mad at God and sue the doctor! Sometimes we're like brats with God. Do you know it? We strike out at God. We strike out at others. You can notice the difference between a snake or a worm by the way it reacts when you strike at it. A worm will give you no resistance, but a snake is very different. You irritate a snake in any way, he will strike. out at you. And when we strike out at people, it is a picture of the serpent, the self-life in us, striking out, defending ourselves. You remember that Satan came in the form of a serpent, but Jesus referred to Himself as a worm. A picture that the selfish self-life that strikes out so easily at other people has been destroyed. Read with me please everybody. Gratefulness, where there is an absence of expectations. You put a tropical plant in a tropical environment, it will grow and thrive. You put it out in the snow in Illinois in January, it's going to die. And that's the way it is with expectations. You put gratefulness in the cold environment of expectations, you will not be able to grow a spirit of gratefulness. Ruth was grateful because she was shown kindness she did not expect to be shown. She essentially said to Boaz, I deserve nothing. Do you know why people are ungrateful? They expect a gallon and they get a quart. Ruth did not expect a drop. So when she wound up getting a quart, she burst forth with gratitude. A young person who expects a car? and gets a bicycle or a Bible is ungrateful. A young person who expects to walk and gets a bicycle is grateful. The prodigal son had everything, was grateful for nothing. Later he had nothing, was grateful for something to eat. A man who expects to eat filet mignon with baked potato and green beans and salad and gets a cold chicken leg is ungrateful. Man who expects to go hungry and gets a cold chicken leg is grateful. A spirit of gratefulness is born out of the realization I'm nobody, I'm nothing, I don't deserve anything at all. A couple of truths you need to grasp. I'm almost done. Stop comparing yourself to other people. In fact, say this after me. I must not compare myself to other people. Say that everybody. I must not compare myself to other people. Say this. I must not compare my mate to somebody else's mate. Say that. I must not compare my mate to somebody else's mate. I must not compare my children to somebody else's children. Saying, I must not compare my children to somebody else's children. Parents sometimes will say dumb, dumb things. They will say, Oh honey, if you were just like that little boy or that little... What you've just done is caused your child to feel like they can never please you. I had a man come to me one day. Years ago I was pastoring and on Wednesday night I made this statement. I said, men do not ever, don't ever say to your wife, I wish you looked like so and so. I said, do you realize what you've done? You've just devastated your wife. He comes to me after service. He says, can I talk to you for a minute? This man walks in my office. He says, I did it. I said, what'd you do? What do you mean? He said, what you preach tonight you shouldn't do. He said, just last week I told my wife, I really wish you looked like so-and-so. And he said, what I do now to fix this mess I created. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Stop comparing those around you to other people. Here's the verse 2 Corinthians 10 and 12. They measuring themselves by themselves and comparing themselves among themselves are not wise. When you compare yourself to others, you'll almost always come up short. You compare your mate or your children to somebody else, you can miss how blessed you are while looking at what you don't have. That's what you can do. And then secondly, I've already said it. Give all your expectations to God. My soul wait thou only upon God, for my expectation is from Him. God is perfect and will never fail you. You may think He has, but He doesn't. Never fails you. Your husband is imperfect and is going to fail you. Your wife is imperfect and is going to fail you. Your parents are imperfect. They are going to fail you. Your children are imperfect. Give your expectations to God. You'll free things up where God can work through your husband, your wife, whoever it is to meet your needs. There's a girl in Canada by the name of Elizabeth Eastman. She heard this message and she wrote a poem about it and sent it to me. It's entitled, Expectations in You. I'm observing it now, that poisonous pill seeping into your heart while trying to fill your thoughts and your feelings unbeknown by you. Have you ever conceived what expectations will do? They'll cut to the heart like the blade of a knife. They'll tear at your flesh, cause contention and strife. At first you won't notice with each advance gained till they join all together and enslave you like a chain. Expectations will cause disappointments to rise. They'll rot out your heart till there's nothing inside. They'll start to appear all around you every day till preconceived notions just won't go away. Anger, resentment, injustice, complaint, all add together to embody your hate just because someone came out of the blue. and behaved in a way unexpected by you. And what can we do to eliminate strife and bring about peace in our home and our life? We can forsake expectations and assumptions let be because these things will demolish our ties as a family. A man by the name of Hawking was a great thinker and competitor of Einstein. Before he died, he wound up, he was a brilliant, brilliant man, but he wound up in a wheelchair, completely paralyzed, his muscles so deteriorated he could not even speak without taking such a long time to talk that you'd think he said a sentence or two and he's only said one or two words. He said that before his disease hit him, despite his training, despite his proficiency in astronomy, he was bored with life. Bored, had no real interest, no motive, no purpose, no meaning in life. But then he said after he became completely paralyzed, when your expectations for life are reduced to zero, everything becomes meaningful. And there was that young man. who his dad called him in. It's his graduation day and he opens this gift and it's a Bible. And he gets angry and he says, all your money? He's expecting this sports car. All your money? You give me a Bible? And years pass. The young man became very successful in business, had a wonderful family, realized his dad was growing old. He thought maybe he should go see him. He hadn't seen him since graduation day, but before he could make the arrangements to go see him, he got a telegram telling him his dad had passed away and left everything to him and he needed to come home and take care of things. When he arrived at his dad's house, sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his dad's important documents and he saw the Bible. He picked it up. He began to turn the pages. His father had carefully underlined a verse, and he stood there and read it. Matthew 7, 11. If ye, then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? And as he was reading those words, something started slipping out of the Bible, and it was a car key. And it had a tag attached to it with a dealer's name on it who had the sports car that he wanted. And on the tag with the key was the date of his graduation and it was marked, paid in full. He not only got his Bible, he got the sports car. But because he thought he didn't, he let that expectation ruin the last several years of his relationship with his dad. What is your expectation doing to your relationships and gratitude?