If you would turn along with me to Colossians chapter 3 verse 18, what we do here in the evening service is we typically pick a book of the Bible and then we just go through it. And so we start at the beginning and we go verse by verse and talk about it and explain it and think about how it should affect our lives until we get to the end. And so today we've gotten to Colossians chapter 3 verse 18. love the book of colossians uh... because it's it's all about christ he he is the center of of it all and and really that is our our message as a church that's the message that jesus has given us to proclaim uh... it's the message of jesus christ that that we though we are sinners and separated from god because of the evil that we have done uh... jesus christ has died on the cross for us and risen again offering to us eternal life uh... if we will Embrace him we can have forgiveness and we can have Eternal life just freely given to us by Christ as it's the powerful message of the Bible and then we get to know him and walk in his way and it's it's it's freeing, it's engaging, it's exciting to be able to open up God's book and to look and see what he said to us because it encourages us and it challenges us sometimes. And this passage we're going to look at today is certainly one that is challenging. It doesn't you shouldn't pick up God's book and expect it to always fit how you think because the Lord's wisdom is higher than ours and sometimes there's a clash even between what our culture views as being the right way and what God explains to be the right way and yet we know in his book in God's word that he's given to us this is the truth And we will be most satisfied, we'll be most fulfilled, our lives will be best when we walk according to His way. And this passage is one of those interesting ones. We're going to look at Colossians 3 verses 18 and 19 today. It's the next verses that we come to as we've been going through Colossians. Just to lead into that. Marriage as God has designed it is becoming increasingly rare in our world. I think we all can see that and know that that's the case Not that I need to prove it you could look at statistics that are describing America and marriage and what it's like half of all Americans aged 25 to 29 are unmarried. It's just a difference in age If you would have looked a while back, people tended to get into their marriages faster. 40% of America's children are born to unmarried parents. 40% to unmarried parents. That is a lot. It's almost half. Gay and lesbian families are permanently out of the closet. I could talk to you, instead of with statistics, just about my own experiences as a pastor, limited though they may be. I've done two weddings so far this summer, one more to come. And the first one, the marriage license that I received from the state, when you fill it out, there was a place for the groom's information, and then there was a place for the bride's information. And then I did another wedding one week later. And on this marriage license I received from the state, there was a place for party A's information and a place for party B's information and little check boxes if you wanted to mark on their bride, groom, or spouse. And that's the description of our culture and the change in how we view marriage. You know, and we could talk about those things. I could tell you about church-going parents. We were talking to a young couple, and they were living together before they were married, and we counseled them that they ought not to, that they ought to be pure until marriage, sexually. And so they moved out. And their church-going parents were shocked and offended that we would give them that advice. We could go on and on, but the ideal of what marriage is and what it is about is different now in our world than it used to be. It's less and less how God defines it. But not only is the idea of marriage, in terms of those things, that marriage bet is to be undefiled, that marriage is really meant to last until death, those things are certainly, we see that all around us, that those things are under attack. But not only that, but how marriage is supposed to look, just how the husband and the wife are to relate to one another, those things are changing too. And the passage that we wanna look at today talks about that. Your first blank on there, and this is something that's not just common in the world, those who don't hold the Word of God in high regard, but it's common in churches too, to people who read this book and believe this book. Many in the church, question the biblical passages like the one we have today that spell out differences in roles between men and women. Many who are church-going people and would view the Bible as their authority, when they would come to this passage, they would say, I have to explain this to you. It doesn't really mean quite what it says. We aren't really expected to live up to it. And so what I want to do today, well, let's read the passage. It doesn't take us long to get through it. Verses 18 and 19 is our verses for today. The first verse is this. Wives, be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. And verse 19, husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Many would come to a passage like this and say, Wives be subject to your husband's it kind of sounds like something left over from you know a previous culture or something and and in explaining the verse a lot of times in in churches even say well The Lord that was something for them, but he has something different for us And so what I want to do today. I kind of have two parts of my message and really we're not getting past verse 18, but that's not because I'm picking on new ladies it's more because I feel like we need to look at the verse and think now, does God still today, in 21st century America, does he still today expect wives to submit to their husbands? Does he really see Still, that there ought to be differences in roles between the man and the woman in marriage. You could expand it between men and women in any realm, in the church. And many today, and I think with a good heart, would say, well, no, there really shouldn't be these distinctions that used to be here. Okay, now I wanna show you some other passages here. Turn in your Bibles to 1 Peter, chapter 3, because this passage in Colossians is not original in the Bible. It's not like we only have Colossians 3, 18 that says that wives ought to submit, but Throughout the Bible, New Testament, throughout the New Testament, when the authors of Scripture wanted to address marriage, this is one of the first things they say, right? And all over the place they say this. They say, okay, husbands, love your wives. Wives, submit to your husbands. It gives them commands, and the commands are distinct depending on whether you're the wife or the husband. First Peter the reason I chose that one is just because it's a different author a lot of them are from Paul now we believe that all the Word of God is from the Holy Spirit and yet he used different men to write it look at first Peter 3 Verse 1 when he comes to talking about marriage and the household Here's what he says first Peter 3 1 he says in the same way you wives be submissive to your own husbands And skip ahead to verse 7 you husbands in the same way live with your wives in an understanding way Maybe in a little bit different words, but it's basically the same thing. Husbands, love your wives. Wives, submit to your husbands. And you could go to Ephesians, which is a parallel passage with Colossians, and Paul says the same thing there in Ephesians chapter 5. Same basic commands, Titus 2. Paul is giving instructions to older women, and he says, older women, here are the things that you need to teach. Pass these things along to the younger women in the church. And one of the things that he says is that the younger women are to love their husbands and to be subject to their husbands. And so it comes up all over. Also look at 1 Corinthians verse 11. First Corinthians chapter 11 verse three. Paul writes, but I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man and the man is the head of a woman and God is the head of Christ. So, go back to Colossians. But what do we do with all these passages? Here's a bunch of passages in Scripture, and we didn't look them all up, but some key ones in the New Testament, that say that men and women in marriage are supposed to relate differently to one another. God is setting up the man to be the leader, the head in the home, and the wife to be the helper, the follower. What do we do? Does God really want us to do this? Because if he does, then we need to do it, right? I mean, then this is the best plan for our marriages, and if we do this, this is where we're going to find the greatest freedom and where we're going to find the greatest beauty in marriage. If, however, we're not supposed to do it, I mean, if this is just something for a bygone era, well then, let's not do it. We want to know what God wants us to do and live it out. So, what I want to do is look at just kind of three reasons, because there's a lot of people in churches, there's a lot of Christians who are saying, okay look, we don't really have to do this anymore, there shouldn't be distinctions in marriage, women shouldn't submit anymore, that's Passé. We shouldn't do that. And so what I want to do is look at the three reasons that are often given for why women are not to submit, why wives are not to submit to husbands, why Colossians 3 doesn't mean for us what it says. The first one is this. Some would say, okay now I just want to highlight on the front of this sheet where it's bold, I don't agree with it. Alright, just in case anyone just picks up a little bit of the tape or something, clarify for them, this is not Mike teaching this. But some people would say these three things, alright. Number one is this, the Bible teaches something else in other places. In other places we see something different than that wives ought to submit to their husbands. Most common verse that's used to talk about that is Galatians 3 so turn there in your Bibles with me if you would Galatians chapter 3 Galatians chapter 3 we're gonna read verses 26 to 28 28 is the the verse in question Galatians chapter 3 verse 26 for you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed themselves in have closed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Okay, so many people would say, they read this verse in Galatians 3.28, there is neither male nor female, you are all one in Christ. They say, okay, well, God is saying here that there aren't distinctions between men and women, that we are all united in Christ. We all are equal in value, obviously. Now, and that is what it's saying. It is saying that men and women are equal in value. We are one in Christ. When we get to heaven, it's not like the Lord has it partitioned off and there's the place of great honor for men, and then there's a place of lesser honor for women, right? I mean, that's not... That's just not true. And Paul is saying here in Galatians 3.28, he's saying, in the Lord's eyes, in terms of value and dignity, all of those things, there is no distinction between men and women. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Now, the thing that happens, though, is that we have in our heads, because we live here in America, we have this thought that Submission equals inferiority. Submission equals inferiority, we think. So if you've got somebody who has to submit to someone else, then we think that implies that the one with the authority is the one who has more value. But this is not the case. I think I have a line on your sheet, yes. But submission does not equal inequality. It does not equal inferiority. Okay, so what I'm saying here is that you can have someone who has higher authority than someone else, and the person who is to submit, though that is their responsibility to submit… not necessarily any less valuable. And just to think that through, I think we could come up with some examples of that. One would be, well, both of them, my first two examples are Jesus. Jesus in the Trinity, you have God the Father, you have God the Son, you have God the Holy Spirit. And do all three persons of the Trinity have equal powers? Yes, yes, they do. They're all, they know everything, they're all powerful. It's not like the Spirit is wiser than the Son and the Father strong. No, they're equal in their powers. Do all three of them deserve worship? Deserve to be exalted? Yeah, absolutely. They're all equal. And yet, you find often in Scripture where the son is saying, I am submitting to my father. And that's kind of the pattern in Scripture. The father has the plan and the son carries it out. John 5, 30, you don't have to turn there, but Jesus says this, I do not seek my own, but the will of him who sent me. And we already looked at 1 Corinthians 11, we turned there a little bit earlier, where it says that God is the head of Christ. So there's a sense in which the father has authority over the son, in which the son submits to the father, and yet they're equal. There's nothing shameful to the son that he submits. We would think that implies inferiority, but that's messed up in our heads. It's not how it really is. Also, if you needed a more extreme example, you have Jesus when he was a child as the Son of God here on Earth, who everyone, if they knew what was going on, should have just bowed down and worshipped, right? I mean, he was the Son of God. And they go to the temple, and Jesus stays there, and his parents leave, and then they figure out he's gone, so they go back and they find him, and they say, you should have stayed with us. Scripture says that Jesus continued in subjection to his parents. He obeyed them. They were his parents, and though he is God and created them and upholds them by his very existence, His role right now is to submit to them. They're his parents. He's a child He should obey and so Jesus obeyed his parents said you're gonna come home with us and and he went home with them and so you see Just because you submit to someone doesn't mean that they are of greater value than you There's another example it comes from Colossians so turn back there you're already probably back there, but I'll catch up with you in Colossians look at chapter 3 verse 11 and There's a passage in Colossians that's a lot like the Galatians passage that said that there's neither male or female, neither Jew or Greek, neither slave or free man. Look at Colossians 3, verse 11. We looked at this a couple of weeks ago, I think on Sunday morning. Colossians 3, verse 11, he's talking about the church, and it's another beautiful passage. He says, in the church, in this new man that God is forming, There is no distinction between Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and free man, but Christ is all and in all. And so all these different categories, it doesn't matter where you come from, it doesn't matter your background or your culture or your race, all those things don't matter. In Christ we're all one. The thing that matters is we're in Him. Now notice, one of the things that he says that doesn't matter is slave and free man, right? In Christ, there's no distinction between slave and free man. Now, go ahead, 11 verses from where we are to verse 22. Colossians 3, verse 22, we're not there yet, but right after he talks to wives, and then husbands, and then kids, he talks to slaves. Colossians 3 22 and he says slaves in all things obey those who are your masters in earth not with external service as those who merely please men but with sincerity of heart fearing the Lord so 11 verses ago Paul said There's no distinctions in Christ. We're all of equal value, whether you're a slave or whether you're free. But then when he comes to the slaves and he says, here's how you ought to live, well, they're slaves. They should submit. They're slaves. They should obey their masters. And so you see in scripture that you can have different roles and still be equal. And that is what we have in marriage. So when you come to these passages, and it says, wives submit to your husbands, we have to throw out of our minds this idea that if I submit, that means I'm a less value, or because she has to submit, that means I'm above her. No, no, the man and the wife are equal. They're equal. And yet, just God has a structure. He has different roles within that marriage that he means for us to follow, just as he did with these slaves. In God's eyes, the slave and the master doesn't make any difference. They're equal before him. And yet, on earth, the slave should submit to his master, he says. Same thing with husbands and wives. Okay. so If you're filling in blanks, how do we know that? That it's that's Whatever. I said above that. How do we know that letter a Jesus submitted to his parents? Letter B Jesus submits to the father and then if you look at the status and the roles of slaves and masters Their status is the same as the master, but their roles are different. Okay, so That's what you find. When you go around the Bible and people say, well, other verses say different things, it's talking about status in those places. It's not talking about roles. The Lord means for wives to submit to their husbands. Every time he talks about it, that's what he says. Here's another argument that's used to say that wives should not submit to their husbands, that we don't need to do this today. Number two is this. We now have a superior ethic to the one that's found in these Bible passages. We have a superior ethic to the one that's found in these Bible passages. Now, you would expect someone who's not a believer, maybe, to say something like that, like, well, our culture has moved beyond the Bible, you know, and so kind of look scornfully at that as being something that's less ethical than where we are now, where everything is equal and we all have the same roles. But it's not just unbelievers that would say this, it's believers, but they say it fancier. In my reading this week, I came across this and several of the commentaries that I usually use when I'm studying the passages to find out what they mean so I can explain them clearly to you, several of them that are usually very careful with the Bible kind of said, well, cautiously, maybe we can say We don't entirely have to live up to this verse. And what they would talk about, they would use the word trajectory. You guys know what a trajectory is, right? My kids and I were playing with a frisbee this afternoon. Trajectory, I think of a football, something that can fly in an arc. But you throw something, and the trajectory is like where it's going, right? And it's on the way to something. So if I throw a football, you might take a picture of it halfway through the air in the trajectory. But we know it's not going to end up there. It's going to keep going until it gets to the end. Here's what I've read several people saying – people smarter than me, admittedly – saying, okay, well, here's what you have. In the Bible times, in the Old Testament and even Jesus' day, wives had – women had no rights. I mean, they weren't even… valued as people, they couldn't vote, they were property that belonged to their husband, it was a patriarchal society, that's how it was back then. Okay, now that's not good. And then you have Jesus coming along and he says things that are a lot more freeing for women than that. He says that in Christ there is no male or female and we all have equal value in him. And that's really giving a lot of rights and freedom and status to women that had never been given before. And so Here's the thing though. Jesus really meant for us not to just stop with what he said but because if because if Jesus would have just come along and said hey We're equal in Christ and so Women shouldn't submit to their wives that would been too much for us to handle And so what you have you got to move things slowly so you have Jesus kind of going halfway for us and so what we do is we look at what the culture was like with him and then what he said and And then follow the trajectory. Where would this go if Jesus were here 2,000 years later? Now what would he be saying? See, he would have been able to make more progress farther along the line from where he was. Are you tracking with me? Are you following my trajectory? So the idea is, you know, it was there were no rights for women. Jesus said, okay, now we're equal, but they should still submit. And if today we should move one step beyond that, follow the trajectory out to where we see, okay, well this whole wives submit to your husbands thing, that's kind of like halfway through the evolution of God's thought to us and so now we know we shouldn't stop there. What's the problem with that? Someone object for me, yes. Yeah, Nate says, what's that make of the rest of the teachings of the Bible? Because how do you know if this is really what he wants us to believe or whether this is halfway to something? It becomes awfully subjective at that point, if it's a trajectory to there. And, well, you could really make the Bible say whatever you wanted to at that point, because you've just got to find two things that look like they're different from each other and then just follow the trajectory. And actually, someone pointed out, with this issue with men's and women's roles, Galatians was written before Colossians. Galatians, the place where it says, there is no male or female, came first. And then later on, Paul wrote Colossians, which says, wives submit. So maybe the trajectory is meant to go the other way. See, because you had Galatians where he said there's no male or female. Then you have Colossians, wives submit. So now where we should really end up is wives have no rights or values. How do you know what to do with that? If I can't turn to the Bible and believe it, then I don't know where to go. I don't know where to send my trajectories. And just, you know, We could talk about that more, but let me quote some verses for you. Psalm 33 11 says, the counsel of the Lord stands forever. The plans of his heart from generation to generation. Isaiah 40 verse 8 says, the grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever. And then turn with me to Revelation 22. Right at the end of the Bible kind of gives us a feel for what God wants us to do with his word. And this would have been the last book written of the New Testament and of the Bible. Revelation 22, verses 18 and 19, he says, I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book, if anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plagues which are written in this book. And if anyone takes away from the words of this book of this prophecy, God will take away his part from the tree of life and from the holy city, which are written in this book. What do you get the sense that we ought to do with God's Word there? I mean, we need to take it the way that it is, right? I mean, it's done. Don't add to it. Don't take it away. It's done. So... Okay, so number two, I just don't think we can do and still be faithful to the Word of God and say that we have an ethic that's advanced beyond what the Bible says. Number three, another thing people say, I could talk about this more than I will, but these commands are limited to those that lived in that culture. Okay, and here's the deal. Back then, women were less educated than they are now. And there's this idea. Okay, back then, the norm was for wives to submit to husbands. That was like, everyone viewed that as being the right thing to do. So if Paul would have come along and said, in the church, this doesn't have to happen, people say, well, it would have been so offensive to the culture there, for everyone else to see, well, look at these Christians, their wives don't even submit to their husbands. They wouldn't have been able to share the gospel with anyone because it would have just, it would have offended the culture of the day. What's the problem with that? Well, one thing I think of is that Paul really wasn't too afraid to be offending the culture. The Lord, you know, the Lord isn't like he tips around us man thinking what, oh no, what are they going to think if I say what I really think? You know, the Lord just tells us what he says and we're supposed to take it. So, It does kind of seem like no matter what your culture, God's word can be offensive to you. And then also, I think what I put on your sheet here, but the Bible's reasons for submission are universal, not cultural, right? Because if you go to Genesis 2, it says that the wife was created as a helper suitable to man, and that doesn't have to do with culture, that's just the way that he created us to be. If you go to 1 Timothy 2, It talks about in a church that men ought to be teaching. And then the reason it gives is this, for it was Adam who was first created and then Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived fell into transgression. These are the reasons that he gives for the way that he set it up. And he goes back to creation. He goes back to the fall. He points to things that predate anybody's culture. and says this is the reason it has to be this way. It's not a cultural thing, it's a universal thing. You could look up those verses. But I also want to show you in Colossians 3, in our text, the reason that he gives. Why should wives submit to their husbands? Colossians 3, verse 18. Note the reason that he gives for wives to submit or to be subject. Wives, be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. So, why should wives submit as a concession to the culture? No, the reason they ought to do it is because that's the right way for a wife to behave. A wife who knows the Lord and has a relationship with Him, this is what is fitting. It's fitting for her to be subject to her husband. Just as in verse 20, if you skipped ahead a bit, it says, Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. See, it's him that we're pleasing. It's not a cultural thing. The reason that we ought to do this is because this is how the Lord set it up. You could also go to Ephesians and say, hey, if you didn't have the wives submitting, it would kind of mess up the picture of the Christ and the church too, right? That the marriage is supposed to reflect. Okay. So that is enough of that. I just wanted to... I thought it would be worth talking about here because it's so commonly discussed now. You know, should we really do this? And I just wanted to help us think it through maybe a little bit and say, yeah, yeah, the Lord still means, his word is still true here, and this is still his best plan for us. The wives submitting to their husbands is best. Now, very quickly, if you turn your sheet over, I want to walk through What exactly does it mean to submit? You're like, 10 things? What in the world? I'm pretty much just going to read them to you, OK? So don't stress. We're not going to be here all night. I copied this, sometimes word for word, from a book by Wayne Mack that we use in our premarital counseling. Nate and Susan just heard this a few days ago, so I apologize to you. Of course, you're getting married, maybe you need to hear it twice. Okay, so what does it mean to submit and what does it not mean? We'll walk through these ten things. Number one, submission does not mean the wife never opens her mouth, never has an opinion, never gives advice. And we could look at lots of places in scripture to show this, but one would be Proverbs 31, 26, which reads this. And Proverbs 31 is this beautiful picture of this hardworking, beautiful wife of character. And one of the things it says about her is that she opens her mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. And I'm just grateful for a wife that uses her tongue to encourage me and that opens her mouth in wisdom and doesn't just sit there and expect that I'm going to have all the wisdom. That's not God's design is that the wife just doesn't talk in the relationship. And we could look at other examples of that too. That's not what he means by submit. Number two, submission does not mean the wife becomes a wallflower who folds up and allows her abilities to lie dormant. Again, if you go to Proverbs 31 and look at that lady, she was using her abilities all over the place. I mean, she was very involved in a variety of ways, and God isn't meaning to suppress those things when he says the wives ought to submit. Number three, I'm just repeating this for the sake of repeating it. Submission indicates – nope, sorry. Submission does not mean that the wife is inferior to her husband. Number four is this. Scripture indicates that it is the wife's responsibility to make herself submissive. It is the wife's responsibility to make herself submissive. If you're still in Colossians 3.18, the command is, wives, be subject to your husbands. It does not say, husbands, make sure your wives submit. Now, if it were that way, we would have problems, wouldn't we? Because us guys would be taking that in our own hands and like, well, I'm supposed to make sure she submits. So, you know, we'd be, That would be horrible because we would not do that in a godly way. And if a husband gets this idea in his head, well, my wife should submit, so I'm going to make her submit, he's going to be sinning. He's not going to be being what we see there later. He's not going to be a loving wife. uh... uh... loving he's not going to be a loving husband he's not going to be leading in in a christ-like way uh... the responsibility for what to submit falls on life so she ought to be choosing to do it from her heart as the lord is working in her heart and she is submitting to him it's a way that she worships christ it comes from her heart but it it can't be forced from the outside the command is to the wives to submit husbands have their own things to worry about rather than making the last minute uh... and that's Helpful right because that's where you get to having abusive situations and in situations where the man is suppressing his wife in Such an ungodly way because the husband is taking a role on himself that is not given to him. It's the wife's responsibility Although you can take her to church when the when the pastor is preaching on this that'd be appropriate number five number five scripture indicates that the wife's submission is to be continuous and And that's just from the tense here of the command in verse 18 and all over when it says about this, wives, be subject to your husbands, continually be subject. As you go through your lives, the idea is you're supposed to have a heart of submission. Not that, okay, when we made a big decision two years ago, I did what he wanted, so I submitted to him. And that's done with now. I've got the submission thing out of the way. Well, it's supposed to be a day-by-day, moment-by-moment. My husband is my leader, and I want to follow that leadership. Continuous. Number six, wifely submission is mandatory, not optional. Well, it's a command. It's a command from the Lord. And it's not conditioned on something. It doesn't say, wives, submit to your husbands as long as your husbands are making good decisions. Wives, submit to your husbands as long as the guy's godly. It doesn't give those conditions. It says, wives, submit to your husbands. And I imagine that the times that it gets hard is when your husband's making a foolish decision. uh... and yet still the command is there for the wives to be subject to their husbands. Number seven, a wifely submission is an act of worship. I'm not a wife, but if I were, I think this would be an encouraging thing for a Christian wife to meditate on. The Lord is the one who set this up so as as a Christian wife when she Obeys her husband or when she submits to her husband out of love for Christ What she's really doing is she's submitting to Jesus Christ himself because he's the one who arranged this we try to teach this to our kids on a lower level, but God is the one who put Mommy and Daddy in charge. So if you obey Mommy and Daddy, then you're obeying Christ. And really that's the idea. Ephesians 5.22 says that wives are to submit as to the Lord. And so a wife, when you, for the Lord's sake, maintain a submissive attitude towards your husband, you're submitting to Christ. The Lord takes that as worship to Him. Or, to put it negatively, if you refuse to submit, then you're rebelling against Christ because he stands behind your husband. He's the one who's delegated the authority. Number eight, submission is a positive, not negative concept. I just want to read this quote to you because I think that he says this better than I know how. emphasizes what the wife should do rather than what she should not do. Submission means that the wife puts all of her talents, abilities, resources, and energy at her husband's disposal. Submission means that the wife yields and uses all of her abilities under the management of her husband for the good of her husband and family. Submission means that she sees herself as part of her husband's team. She is not her husband's opponent fighting at cross purposes or trying to outdo him. She is not merely an individual going her separate way. She is her husband's teammate, striving for the same goal. She has ideas, opinions, desires, requests, and insights, and she lovingly makes them known. But she remembers that on any good team, someone has to make the final decisions and plans. She knows that the team members must support the team leader, his plans and decisions, or no progress will be made and confusion and frustration will result. Really, when both people are submitted to Christ and looking to Him as the leader, it's a beautiful arrangement that the Lord has given us in marriage. Okay, number nine, submission involves the wife's attitudes as well as her actions. Obviously, the wife who says, okay, fine, I'll submit to Him, but I won't like it and neither will he. You know, we're not really following in on the intent of the passage here. Be subject to your husbands as is fitting to the Lord. If we were to go to Proverbs 31, it says that this lady works with her hands in delight as she's serving her family. She's pleased to be able to do that and please the Lord in that way too. So obviously with all of the commands of scripture, it's meant to come from the heart, not just a dragging your feet kind of a submission. Okay, and number 10, the only time a wife is not to submit to her husband. is when she must make a clear choice between her husband's wishes and her Lord's commands. See in verse 18 again, it says, be subject to your husband's wives as is fitting in the Lord. See, our ultimate authority for all of us as believers, no matter what authority is that we're under, our ultimate authority is Jesus Christ himself. And so if my husband, if I'm a wife, tells me that I ought to do something that's sin, well then I've gotta obey God instead of man at that point, because my ultimate authority is him. Whatever my authority is, the reason I submit is because I love Christ. But if Christ asks me to do something different than this guy is asking me to do, then gently and lovingly and as submissively as I can, I've got to obey Jesus. He's my ultimate authority. So, we'll get to the men next time I preach, just in case you were wondering. This design for marriage that God has, it's a beautiful design. And so my challenge for you today is, and some of us are married and can do that, some of us will be married someday, and we can, you can think about your marriage that might be coming. Others of you may be single. But whatever connection we have with marriage, because we all interact with married people and with marriage, let's take a stand and use our opportunities that we have to kind of display the beauty of God's marriage plan and just to explain to people, to talk about, to rejoice in the way that God has set it up, which is unique, which is counter-cultural, and yet it's a wonderful thing. I want to close with this quote from Tertullian, one of the early church fathers. It's fun that we share marriage so far back, you know, with all of these other believers. He says this about marriage. He says, how beautiful then the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in home, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice. Nothing divides them either in flesh or in spirit. They pray together, they worship together, they fast together, instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another. Side by side, they visit God's church and partake God's banquet. Side by side, they face difficulties and persecution. Side by side they share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another. They never shun each other's company. They never bring sorrow to each other's hearts. Seeing this, Christ rejoices. To such as these, he gives his peace. Where there are two together, there also he is present. Let's pray. Lord, we thank you for marriage and we just recognize and we exalt you as the designer of it. We exalt the wisdom of your words you give to us and we want to submit to it rather than second guess it. And we just praise you for this gift of marriage and for the strength that that is to be to our church and our homes and our families. Help us to live up to it. And I pray for these ladies, Lord, it's a challenge that you've given to them to submit to their husbands and may they by your grace discontinually be committed to that uh... and to see the the beauty in the freedom that comes with it as we walk according to your design uh... pretty things in jesus name