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Before I begin this morning I'd
like to put in a plug for this evening's service. We're going
to be looking at the period of time in church history between
the exile and the beginning of the New Testament. We're looking
at the period of the Maccabees particularly this evening. And
I think a lot of us know a great deal about the history of the
people of God. Up until the time of the exile
when they've been away in Babylon and have returned maybe to rebuild
the temple and get things started back up in Jerusalem to rebuild
their city up to the time of Nehemiah and that kind of thing.
And then there's this gap that we have until Christ comes. And
when Christ comes, there's a whole different dynamic in the city.
And I'd like to help encourage you to come and learn sort of
what's been going on, what prepares the way for that period of time
when Christ comes as the Messiah and how ready the people are
to hear that. So I encourage you. I learned a great deal in
my study this week and it's kind of something I want to share
with you. So I hope you can come. Well, let's turn to Matthew chapter
19 today, if you would, Matthew chapter 19. We're looking at
only three verses in our focus today, but I'm going to read
in the scripture a little bit more than that, just because
the context is very important for those three verses to understand
them appropriately. Let me begin reading at verse
three. Matthew chapter 19, beginning at verse three, and I'll read
down to verse 12. Pharisees came up to him and tested him as Jesus
by asking is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause. He
answered Have you not read that he created them from the beginning
made them male and female and said therefore a man shall leave
his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they
shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but
one flesh. What therefore God has joined
together let not man separate. They said to him why then did
Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away.
And he said to them because of your hardness of heart Moses
allowed you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning it was
not so. And I say to you whoever divorces his wife except for
sexual immorality and marries another. commits adultery. The
disciples said to him if such is the case of a man with his
wife it's better not to marry. But he said to them not everyone
can receive this saying but only those to whom it is given. For
there are eunuchs who have been so from birth and there are eunuchs
who have been made eunuchs by men and there are eunuchs who
have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of
heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it. I'd like to give a couple of
illustrations from life that I think maybe parallel something
that we're going to look at here in just a moment. Let me begin
with the situation where you have a child who's happily playing
with his favorite ball. Maybe you got this ball for a
birthday present. He's been looking forward to
playing with this ball for a long time and he's been playing with
it all morning. But then his parents tell him he needs to
share the ball with his sister and he needs to throw and play
catch with her. And so he takes the ball he throws it on the
ground and runs away. He's done. He would rather not
play at all than play the way he's being told he must play.
Have you seen a child anxious to play a sport? Maybe it's baseball
and in line and that child has suddenly decided that he doesn't
want to play at all because he's not being allowed to play with
a particular person who he wanted on his team. He decides it's
better not to play the game at all than to play with the one
he's being encouraged to play with. Have you ever seen someone who's
not even, well, who is not even going to try something rather
than to try it and fail? They're fearful that there's
going to be a failure there. Have you ever seen someone, this
is a completely different situation, maybe you've seen someone longing
to look at a plate full of yummy nuts on the table, but they pass
right by those nuts because they realize they're still in the
shell and it would require having to crack the nuts to actually
get them out. Well those are silly illustrations in one way
but they parallel in some ways this the way people in this country
are more and more looking at marriage and how they're refusing
to become married for those various reasons. One reason is that they're
unwilling to enter into a relationship or a situation like that where
things are unpredictable and they may have to give up some
of their own interests for the sake of someone else. They may
have to play the game in a certain set of rules. If he can't have
everything his way, he won't play at all. They don't wish
to place themselves in a position where they might have to give
up exclusive control of time and of resources and so on. A
second reason may be that they're astute enough to know that as
they look at the statistics that are out there with regard to
divorce, there are so many divorces, so many people that they've seen
maybe in actuality have failed in their marriages. Statistics
say that over half of them will fail. So they in fear refuse
to join at all. They've seen so many fail. They're
fearful that they too will do that. So avoid it. And then the
final illustration points to the reality that some avoid marriage
altogether purely because they know that though there's good
things in marriage there's good experiences to be had. There's
many blessings. It's going to require just too
much work. There's too many hard things
about marriage and therefore they just avoid it. In last week's
message, we were talking about how Jesus had to make a correction
in the prevailing view that people had with regard to marriage and
divorce. Particularly among the Jewish people and that that viewpoint
had actually sort of spilled over into the disciples. The
Pharisees brought the question but really the disciples were
in in that thinking as well. The idea was that you could enter
into marriage with great confidence because you know that if things
don't go well if things don't go as anticipated if for some
reason there's a problem in the marriage then you have this open
door that you can get out you can escape from. that you provided
God himself provided permission to all. If there's a problem
in the marriage simply to write a certificate of divorce and
you're out. But when Jesus corrected that twisted view of marriage
and indicated that it was really to be viewed as a permanent bond
except in cases of adultery. The disciples then articulate
a fear which seems to be so trendy that it almost seems like it
came from a person from 2012. Their statement seems to be so familiar
to us because we hear it all the time. And here's the question
that they put. If people don't have the liberty
then to get out of marriage, maybe an unpleasant marriage,
a hard marriage, someone that's displeasing in some way or another,
then maybe it's better just not to marry at all. Maybe we should
avoid that. Surely, if there are no ways
out of marriage, then marriage can cause more trouble for a
person than to not be married at all. I want to say to you
that more and more people in our day are using exactly that
logic as they wrestle with the question of marriage. Now, you
might expect Jesus to counter to counter that kind of statement
with something like this. Not at all. Not at all. Marriage
is God's good design for men and for women. It's not hard.
It is hard, but not that hard. You should all you have to do
is rely upon God. Remain faithful. to one another
express the love that God has shared with you and it'll go
well. But he doesn't say that. Interestingly enough Jesus doesn't
respond that way when his disciples heard the teaching that he had
been giving on marriage and divorce and they responded if such is
the case for a man and woman that it's better not to marry.
Jesus replies not everyone can receive the same. But only to
those to whom it is given an interesting response. And as
we wrestle with that statement that Jesus makes we have to ask
the question what is he referring to when he makes that question
when he makes that statement to what is Jesus referring when
he says not everyone can receive this saying what saying is he
talking about. Is he speaking about his sayings
on marriage and divorce that he's been teaching about the
difficulty and but necessity to remain in that bond of marriage. Or is he talking about the disciples
saying that it's better not to marry. Yes. Yes. On the one hand Jesus is
saying that if a person cannot enter into marriage with a resolve
to be faithful to the end for richer for poor in sickness and
in health until death do us part then it's better not to marry.
And this is a saying not everyone can receive. On the other hand
Jesus is saying that those who would choose singleness Must
know that it's not only for those not it's not it is only for those
whom God has especially gifted to be single for whom it will
even be possible to do that. So both are hard states to be
in both of those are roads difficult roads to to walk on in this life
and only those to whom it has been given can exist in the married
or the single state. Now I'm going to begin with this
idea of marriage being only for the stout hearted for those who
are really committed and can do this in a marriage. We have two parties. We have
a husband and I have a wife and the word husband is an interesting
word. It's made up of two English Anglo-Saxon
words the first being whose. It's also a Dutch word. I think
it's the idea of house. So whose whose band and the word
band refers to a bond. So it's a house bond. The husband
is thought to be the one in fact it was actually anciently spelled
this way house bond. If there's one thing men and
women don't like though. They don't like being restrained.
They don't like being limited. They don't like being bound. And yet the husband and the wife
voluntarily enter into the bonds of marriage. That's what we call
them bonds. They give up to the other all that they are all that
they have in their resources their time and their energies
everything they give their financial resources in order to farm form
one new family unit and enter into the bonds of marriage there.
And from the very beginning God declared that to do that was
a good thing. He says in Genesis 2 18, in fact,
it was he initially who said it is not good for a man to be
alone. And yes, he's talking about inhumanity, it's not good
for a man to be only a man in this society and not have companionship,
but he's also talking about marriage, it's not good in that situation
for the man always to be alone. God pronounced blessing upon
those who entered into the bonds of marriage, who take on that
way he yoke, if you will, of bondage and one man and one woman
becoming one flesh forever. He said in his word in Proverbs
18 22. He who finds a wife finds a good
thing and obtains favor from the Lord. So God pours out his
blessing on this bond of marriage. And yet at the same time it is
in God's word also in the same book that I just quoted in Proverbs. This chapter is 20 21 three chapters
later verse 19. It says it is better to live
in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman. So shortly after that, a quarrelsome
wife is like a continual dripping on a rainy day. Wait a minute. It's the same word that gives
stories of wives, this word of God tells us about wives like
Abigail, who have time and again had to endure the foolishness
of stupid husbands. Makes her life miserable because
he's married to this silly man and she has to clean up all the
messes that he's made over and over again and so on. So living
with a husband living with a wife according to the scripture itself
is a difficult thing. It can be hard in a fallen world. Not everyone can easily commit
to the permanent bonds of marriage. Matthew Henry speaking about
this passage comments about the disciples. He says it seems the
disciples themselves were loath to give up the liberty of divorce.
Thinking at a good expedient for preserving comfort in the
married state and therefore like sullen children if they have
not what they would have they will throw away what they do
have. If they may not be allowed to put away their wives when
they please they will have no wives at all. Unquote. That sounds to me like the boy
with the ball. If I can't have it the way I want it then I'm
not going to play at all. I'll give away this very ball
that I've been wanting to play with my whole life because I
can't have it the way I want it. That's the way so many in
the United States are now viewing marriage. If I can't marry and
get out with an easy divorce if I can't have that safety net
there then I just won't marry at all. Maybe I'll live. We'll just live together. You
say I'll take the benefits of the marriage in some ways but
not take the responsibility or I'll be single and I'll just
live a promiscuous life or whatever. You have all kinds of other alternatives
that people look to. Did you know that the amount
of people who have chosen to live in that single lifestyle
has doubled during my lifetime. It has doubled the number of
people who are anxious to live that single lifestyle as opposed
to being married. People don't like to have limits.
They don't like to live within bonds. They want all marriage
can give and yet without any of the responsibility, any of
the commitment. There's much fear about entering into marriage.
But strikes me that in all of the things that we have in this
life, some limits, some laws, some restrictions, some boundaries
are absolutely essential in our life. for safety for security
for our good. And that's true in so many areas
of our life. You can't drive on the highway without having
some boundaries. It's actually a good thing when
they draw a double line on the highway so that you don't pass
when you're coming over a hill. That's for your good. It's for
safety. It's a law that's put there in place to guide you and
keep you protected in that. so that you can have the full
access to the highway in the way that's going to be most efficient
to you. The speed limit is the same way.
It's for your good. It's for your protection. The
laws that limit young children from buying cigarettes or alcohol
or those kinds of things are there for their good. The fact
that there's some limit on height and weight on a roller coaster
is a good thing. It's preserving life and so on.
It's for your full experience of the best. In the same way,
God limits marriage. He puts boundaries on it. He
puts some safeguards there. They are for the safety. They
are for the security and for the peace of the husband and
the wife. But more than that, they are
there. Those limits are placed on marriage
so that you might reap all the blessings that a marriage has
to offer. Without those, if you take off
and you you throw away one of those rules or something like
that, someone loses the bonds of marriage. Maybe you're quick
to violate those rules. Then there can be no joy. There
can be no security. There can be no intimacy. There
can be no peace, security and so on. The thought of being tied
to a spouse. In a difficult marriage where
love is not easy. where it's not always rewarding,
has always had the capacity to strike so much fear in the skeptics
and the doubters and maybe those who are free living, free spirited
people. And yet it's not until those
people, the wild and the free spirited individuals begin to
settle down, mature and consider the commitment that's necessary
in making a marriage work, that they can truly experience what
marriage has to offer all the good things that marriage has.
If he's unwilling to bear the responsibility, if he's unwilling
to bear the commitment, then his marriage will be fraught
with trouble and suspicion. And bitterness and strife and
on and on you can go, man can't stand even the anticipation of
the heat, the the that kind of heat, let alone the heat itself,
and so they stay away from the kitchen altogether. One writer wrote, It is foolish.
It's a foolish, bad tempered thing for men to abandon the
comforts of this life because of the crosses that are commonly
woven in with them. Far from being a reason to avoid
marriage, lifelong and loving commitment and faithfulness is
the very thing that makes it most fulfilling. Most desirable. Yes, there are risks, there are
costs involved, but gold and diamonds are rarely found on
the surface of the ground. You don't just walk out and find
diamonds. They're acquired through work
and through digging and through endurance. The treasures of marriage
are often found only through some hard things, sometimes through
testing, through trials. That's when in a marriage you
often find there is a deepening of the relationship and more
persistence of faithfulness. And you see those in character
and on and on. It's better for some not to marry with the expectation
there's this easy way out. That's certainly something I've
had to say to premarried couple premarriage counseling kind of
situations before. It's better for you not to marry
than to go in it thinking that there's this exit for you. To
do that is to go into marriage with this exit plan is the plan
to exit. You've got it already in your
mind. You're on your way out. Some prefer to avoid the risks
and the costs of marriage, and for some that's a good choice.
But those are very, very few in number. Because singleness,
which is the alternative. Is at least as difficult, if
not more so. Doesn't always look to be, but
it is. And so, we come to the other
possible meaning of the phrase, not everyone can receive this
statement or this saying. And in that sense, Jesus is referring
to the fact that singleness is not for everyone either. Singleness
is a gift granted only by God, we learn in this passage. Jesus
points out that whereas married life may be a rewarding but a
hard road at times, nevertheless, singleness is for a very few. Indeed, only those that God has
equipped to do it. Singleness has its own problems
it has its own temptations and not every Christian is capable
of living a godly single life. And yet the scripture here speaks
about three categories of people who are single and God has called
to be such they have a definite calling of the Lord to be such
and Jesus mentions three of these three categories of these. And
he does so with an interesting terminology that's, you know,
very specific to the day about eunuchs and so on. But let me
see if I can paraphrase those to apply it here. I would say
that the first category are those who are physically unable to
marry in the fullest sense. Physically unable for some reason.
Secondly, those who have made been made physically or emotionally
unable to marry because it's been imposed upon them by someone
else. And then third those who intentionally
abstain from marriage so as to be better suited to serve the
Lord more equipped to do so in a particular calling or unique
way. The first of those two categories are the result of God's good
providence. I said although I think it's very hard sometimes to understand
how that could be good. And man struggles with to understand
how God could allow something or even plan it in his providence
to allow something that keeps something good from me. If we
say marriage is a good thing and he says it is, why would
God in his providence keep that from me? And yet it is good because
it's from God. That's always hard for man to
wrestle with. Jesus says some God has called to be eunuchs.
Eunuchs were men physically but they were also physically unable
to bear children or to sexually be united to a spouse. And though
naturally that would refer to males if we take it in the simplest
meaning of the word that category would I think also however include
generally speaking about marriage in general I think it speaks
about men and women who are born with maybe some genetic abnormality
or who as a result of again if it's caused by others then maybe
it's by accident something has happened or there are overwhelming
circumstances and barriers that are placed in this person's life
to the point where marriage is not a good thing. It's not even
a possible thing for some. Some, by God's providence, in
that sense, are born to be single. Others have a sense of calling
to serve the Lord with such a singularity of heart that they voluntarily
give up some of those comforts of marriage, believing that they
can better serve the Lord without the distraction of marriage.
1 Corinthians 7, 32 through 34 makes it clear that marriage
is a demanding thing. On the one hand, the unmarried
man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please him,
how to please the Lord. But then it says this. The married
man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife
and his interests are divided. It's not saying that it's a wicked
thing to have a wife, it's saying that when you do have a wife,
there's that can cause a distraction to service. That's not to say
that marriage is a burden that keeps one from serving the Lord.
On the contrary, God has often given a helper to bring about
better service in the kingdom and so on. But with that help
often comes a distraction. It's just the way the Lord has
designed it. But those who've been so gifted of the Lord to
be able to be single in that sort of committed way are not
under any necessity of marrying and therefore probably ought
not to marry and should remain single. They are less encumbered
with the cares of this life and so on. Paul was one who was in
that situation. He says in 1 Corinthians 7 8
to the unmarried and the widows I say it is good for them to
remain single as I am. There's a pretty good argument
that Paul at one point had been married and for whatever reason
whether his wife died or whatever that he was now a widower. That
he was single and he was willing to commit himself to remaining
so I can talk to you about that argument other times you're interested
about it. But so God has gifted some to be married and he has
some to be single. And both of those are there are
difficulties and trials associated with both roads. And it would
be wrong to claim that all men and women ought to be married. And it would be wrong to claim
that the single life is to be preferred over marriage. In some
by some now Jesus tells us each one whether we're called the
one or the other how we're to proceed. He says that the one
who is able to receive this receive it. We ask able to receive what. Well the teaching on marriage
and the fact that it is better for some to remain unmarried.
Whichever God has called you to were to receive it and were
to dedicate ourselves to living faithfully within that calling.
There are trials in each one and there are joys in each one.
Ecclesiastes 7 verse 14 says in the day of prosperity be joyful
and in the day of adversity consider God has made the one as well
as the other. So God makes both conditions a married situation
and a single condition. Both of those have joys and they
have trials and the Lord makes them both the key. The key point
I think that we're moving toward here is that the church must
learn to welcome both categories. Those who have are called to
marriage and those who are called to be single. God sovereignly
calls people to one or the other, some to be married, some to be
single, some have what we might call a temporary calling. And
I think it's better to say it that way, to say a temporary
call rather than a gift for singleness. Some some may have that gift
and it is a permanent life thing. But others, I think, don't know
quite sure whether they have the permanent gift or not, whether
maybe it's a calling of God for this period of time in my life.
Whereas God has placed believers whether they check off married
or single on their tax status must be ready as a church to
support them in their calling. We need to be ready to do that.
So we have to learn to think or write about both categories
of marriage and singleness. And then we need to then as a
church as the body of Christ communicate to the world the
society around us what is true about both categories. To think
right about them the disciples and the Pharisees had come to
think incorrectly about them. And these are people within the
church so it's possible that we may be thinking incorrectly
about these categories. The Pharisees and the disciples
were thinking that divorce was something to have a displeasing
wife or something of that nature to have divorce as an option.
They thought that was a great privilege of God that God had
given them. And in that in such cases to be always bound to the
same woman in a horrible situation that was a tragedy in their thinking.
And yet that was such backward thinking from what God had intended.
And Jesus comes to correct that and set it straight. At the same
time they thought that singleness was was bound to be better than
a lifetime commitment to a woman and so on. So they're they're
they're out of whack. We hear sentiments expressed
of that kind in our day all the time. First, how do you respond? Well, I think first we must be
careful that we don't buy into the thinking of the world on
these two categories, certainly about marriage and divorce or
singleness as well. We mustn't buy into what everybody
else is thinking. We mustn't go in order to find out what
is right and true to our cultural peers. We need to go back to
the beginning to what God has designed. What has he said in
his word? We must be careful about that. We need to learn
to view married life with the spectacles of scripture, learn
to find the gold, learn to find the diamonds that God has placed
there and find and work toward that. Secondly, we need to commit
ourselves to face the challenges associated with whatever calling
we receive from God. If you're married then we need
to face the challenges there and labor to be faithful within
them and those associated with singleness. If you're single
in order that you might reap the blessings that God has intended
within each of those categories. Those blessings are woven into
the very fabric of the calling that God gives you. And so it's
important that we work to find them, whether married or single.
And that can only happen with a heart that is first and foremost
given over to Jesus Christ. This is, again, something you
say in a pre marriage counseling, but I certainly say it to Christians,
if you are going to be having a faithful, committed and successful
marriage, it will only happen as your first love is for Jesus
Christ. It won't be if you love your wife or your spouse your
husband more. It's as you love Jesus Christ
first and foremost. That's when your marriage will
be successful. And I want to say the same thing is true for
single people. The only way you can live a faithful single life
and a godly single life is to have a love for Jesus Christ
above anything else. So we must learn to love him
and commit ourselves to walk as he would have us walk in those
callings. The third we learned and we need to learn to be an
encourager of both married couples and singles within the ministry
of the church. The challenges upon both of them are phenomenal
and you know this in your calling. Whether you're married or whether
you're single, you know that that calling upon you is hard
sometimes. There are great temptations on
both counts. There are great struggles to
be faithful in your area. So think of that in terms of
a ministry and towards others as God enables you to be a blessing
to other people. Encourage those who are married.
Encourage those who are single. The challenges upon greater or
both are great and they are true for Christians as well as unbelievers.
Jesus clearly reached out to both camps as he did his ministry
to marry people in singles and he upheld the institute of marriage
while he himself was a single man and labored in that. So those
who are called long term or even temporarily to be single let
me speak to you for a minute. Use your freedom to serve while
you have it. Use that. Don't waste the resource that
God has called you and given you at the moment. Only a few
are able to receive this calling. It's a hard one. But God maybe
have called you specifically to it. And those of you who are
married don't limit your ministry only to other married couples.
Let me suggest that to you. It's a very easy and natural
thing to want to have other couples come over to your home and have
hospitality and those kinds of things. But remember the single
person. While I was in seminary, I had a couple in the congregation
of which I was a part take me in every Wednesday evening for
a full three years, three years of commitment to me. But it was
it would help me through being alone, help me through being
single, help me through some of those times that were very
hard. It was a great blessing to me. It's like Aquila and Priscilla
taking Paul in. They were a ministry to him.
They were a great help to him. So I encourage you in that as
well. And whatever God has called you providentially to labor and
humility to put the interests of others above your own. Married
life and single life can be difficult roads to travel, but let me remind
you that the Christian is different from the non-Christian. The Christian
has help. Whereas the non-Christian doesn't
have that help. I quoted from Proverbs 18 22 earlier which
says he who finds a wife finds a good thing. But the last phrase
that I highlighted there was this that person obtains favor
from the Lord. Favor is the same word as grace
in the scripture and we need God's grace to be faithful married
people. And I think the same is exactly
true for a calling that God gives to single people. That he will
show you his favor, his grace, so that you can be faithful in
it. The Christian single finds the grace as well. And we be
faithful in these callings that God has given him, even if it's
a temporary calling, may we be faithful in it and serve him
well, let's pray. Lord, help us in each one of
our particular callings. To have first and foremost a
love for Jesus Christ that would seek to serve him in all things.
Help us through the temptations, help us through the trials, even
the hard times when the road is difficult. I pray that you would be ministering
to us that we might learn to be those who think of others
before the interests of our own. That we are able to do that and
minister. May we be a church that ministers both to married
people who are struggling as well as single people. May you
enable us to show the love of Christ to all and in this way
reflect his glory. We pray this in Jesus name. Amen. Would you turn to Psalm 86 with
me? Selection B, 86, selection B.
Marriage & Singleness - Two Difficult Roads
Series Matthew
| Sermon ID | 219122145559 |
| Duration | 32:34 |
| Date | |
| Category | Sunday Service |
| Bible Text | Matthew 19:10-12 |
| Language | English |
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