And for us, O Lord, as we now come to your word, we thank you for your word, and we remember that your word is breathed out by your Holy Spirit through human authors, and that it is profitable for us for teaching, reproof, correction, training, and righteousness in order that we, your people, may be equipped for every good work. O God, apart from your word, we would not even know what good works are. Our best works would just look like filthy rags. And so, Lord, we pray for grace, pray for your grace to understand the text, to apply the text that we come to today. Oh, Lord, help us to see this clearly. We know, Lord, that regardless of how difficult this passage may be to swallow, that you have given it to us in order that we may glean wisdom from it, in order that we may learn principles from it. And so Lord, as we even come to this difficult passage, we ask that you would give us our daily bread. We ask that you would nourish us, strengthen us, and show us our need for Christ, and show us once again that Christ is the all-sufficient Savior. In His name we pray. Amen. If you've got your Bibles with you, please turn to 2 Samuel chapter 13. Hopefully most of you, if you follow me on social media, you saw that we are coming to one of the absolute most difficult passages. most disturbing passages in all of Scripture. There are only a few passages which are as revolting as this one, as chilling as this one, and yet, as I just prayed, we know that God's Word is given to us for our benefit and that it's profitable for teaching, reproof, correction, training, and righteousness in order that we, God's people, may be equipped for every good work of righteousness And sometimes that means being exposed to the harsh darkness of the world, as we're going to see in the passage that we come to today. We're going to be in 2 Samuel 13, looking at verses 1-22, as we continue in this study. Now some of you who are older, like me, you might remember one of the best TV shows from the 80s, or at least one of my favorite shows from the 80s, that gave Michael J. Fox such a strong start to his acting career was the show called Family Ties. Generally speaking, the show was half an hour long and it would always follow the same pattern pretty much. one of the family members would be facing or they'd be confronted with some type of problem in life, or maybe there'd be conflict between members of the family. And within just 30 minutes, the family would work through every problem together to solve the problems that they were facing or to resolve the conflict that took place between family members. And while that works great for a sitcom, Reality is often very different than that, to say the least. In reality, the effects of sin, the problems that we encounter, the conflicts that arise in our lives, maybe even the conflicts that arise within our households, they can rarely be dealt with and put to rest in 30 minutes or less. Sometimes the consequences of sin, and that's why any conflict exists, is because of sin, but sometimes the consequences of sin can be resolved within half an hour, but I don't think that any of us would be so naive as to think that most could be resolved within half an hour. There are certainly more times when the consequences of even one momentary lapse into sin can bring about effects that stick a while. Sometimes they'll even stick throughout the rest of our lives. TV just rarely gives us an accurate portrayal of reality, especially when we're talking about sitcoms. But while the Keaton family from Family Ties always worked together to resolve their differences and to stay together, they always ended up keeping the peace. lasting fractures within a household's dynamics are a common phenomenon. As a pastor, I occasionally get called into these kinds of situations. Situations in which husband has sinned against wife, or wife has sinned against husband, or child has sinned against the parents, or whatever it might be. Situations have occurred where sin has taken place. And even when a peaceful resolution is reached, the scars of sin and conflict will sometimes mark that family for quite a while. Sometimes it will permanently mark that family from that point forward. And there's just no going back to the way things were. This was certainly the case in David's household. As we continue in our study of 2 Samuel today, we come to one of those passages that reminds us that sin sometimes has consequences that last a lifetime, and consequences that can't just be easily put to rest, easily just prayed away. It's a passage that requires that I, as your pastor, warn you that what you are about to see in the Scriptures is something that should shake you, should disturb you, it should upset you, it should make you cringe with a sense of discomfort and disgust. So be warned that this is not a fairy tale passage by any means. Rather it's a grotesque account of the consequences of sin that David's sin brought into his household. And yet God in His infinite wisdom and goodness has included this text in the Scriptures. And when we come to a fun and uplifting chapter, it's fun to see how, oh, I can see how this is profitable for teaching, reproof, correction, training, and righteousness, so that I may be equipped for every good work, as 2 Timothy 3, 16 and 17 say. But you have to keep those words especially in mind when you come to a passage like this, which gives us an absolutely revolting story like this one that we're gonna look at today. Let me remind you of what Paul said in Romans 15 verse 4. He said, whatever was written in earlier times, he's talking about the Old Testament. Whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction. It's for our benefit, no matter how disgusting or offensive it might be. God had told David that as a consequence for his sins in chapter 11, which were adultery, murder, lying, scheming, not to mention giving the unbelieving nations around him reasons to blaspheme God's name. God told him in through the prophet Nathan in chapter 12 verse 11, Behold, I will raise up evil against you from your own household. The first consequence that David faced for his sin was something that the Lord did to David himself, to discipline David. As the Lord has the sovereign right to give, and the Lord also has the sovereign right to take away, God exercised his right to take away by taking the life of David's son, the best Sheba gave him. We saw that David dealt with that loss, however, in a pretty healthy, good way, godly way. He pled with God on behalf of the child while the child was still alive. He prayed, he fasted, he put himself in discomfort, not taking any comfort in his own bedroom, but sleeping on the floor of his son's room. But once his son passed away, David cleaned himself up, worshipped God, and resumed his normal everyday activities. But that wasn't the end of the consequences that David would have to endure as a result of his sin. No, the evil that would rise up against David from within his own household was just about to start playing out in real time. And of course, this kind of discipline. That's what God's doing. He's disciplining David. This kind of discipline is particularly difficult and even upsetting for us because we value and we cherish our households as well we should because the household is where the family is and the family was the first institution that God established on the earth. Even to this day, the family is a vital institution that we cherish and which we respect it and which we even fight to protect. And that's part of what makes this passage that we come to today so deeply disturbing. Before we begin, let me just say to any of you who may have been victims of sexual assault, that I know that pain. I know that heartache, that anger, and that shame. I too was a victim of sexual abuse. But my prayer is that you would, as we go through this passage, that you would know and that you would experience, as I have come to know and experience, that God can heal those wounds, and that if the Lord should use this passage to rip open old wounds in your heart, that it would only be so that he may bring about a deeper and fuller healing within you. Whether you've been a victim of sexual abuse or not, my hope in preaching through this passage is that you would see the terrible consequences that may arise from even one season of falling headlong into grievous sin. And what a horrible thing it is to depart from the Lord for even a short span of time. God says this in Jeremiah 2.19, He says, your own wickedness will correct you, and your apostasies will reprove you. know therefore and see that it is evil and bitter for you to forsake the Lord your God and the dread of me is not in you declares the Lord God of hosts this principle of the evilness and the bitterness of departing from God is going to hit David's household like a freight train going full speed. But the central point of this passage is that parenting is one of the greatest responsibilities given to us by God. Therefore, Christian parents must prioritize godly wisdom, accountability, and justice as a means of ensuring that their children learn that love, respect, and righteousness are to govern all of their relationships. So we'll start with verses 1 to 7 in 2 Samuel chapter 13. It says, now it was after this that Absalom the son of David had a beautiful sister whose name was Tamar and Amnon the son of David loved her. Amnon was so frustrated because of his sister Tamar that he made himself ill for she was a virgin and it seemed hard to Amnon to do anything to her. But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimea, David's brother, and Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He said to him, O son of the king, why are you so depressed morning after morning? Will you not tell me? Then Amnon said to him, I am in love with Tamar, the sister of my brother Absalom. Jonadab then said to him, lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. When your father comes to see you say to him, please let my sister tomorrow come and give me some food to eat and let her prepare the food in my sight that I may see it and eat from her hand. So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, please let my sister Tamar come and make me a couple of cakes in my sight that I may eat from her hand. Then David sent to the house for Tamar, saying, go now to your brother Amnon's house and prepare food for him. Amnon is not going to be a major character. He's not going to last very much longer after this. It's really an introduction. Amnon's introduced as a means of introducing Absalom. Absalom's gonna be a much more important central character to the story. Of course, Absalom would be the son of David that would stir up a rebellion against David. But we're told that Absalom's half-brother loved the sister of Absalom, a young woman who was his half-sister named Tamar. Let me just say from the outset that he didn't love her at all. It's given there to kind of throw us off. It says that because we often think that we love something, but our feelings are just confusing us. No, he didn't actually love her at all. What he felt for her might have been, in the moment, mistaken for love, but this was not love in any sense. If anything, it was closer to lust. If anything, it was closer to a sinful sexual infatuation that he had for her. And the reason I think that we need to point out that he doesn't actually love her is because love does not do to someone what he is about to do to her. By the time we reach the end of this story we will actually see his true colors on full display. His true feelings for her will be revealed and they will be frighteningly dark. But this isn't something that we should be in the dark about. This isn't something that we should be ignorant about. This whole confusion between love and lust is something that so many people get confused by. And isn't it one of our biggest problems that we are just so easily deceived by our own hearts and by what we feel in any given moment? The Bible doesn't exaggerate when it tells us the heart is more deceitful than all else. and is desperately sick. It's from Jeremiah 17, 9. Now, of course, there are lots of things that lie to us. There are lots of things in the world that are deceitful. Commercials are deceitful. Politicians are deceitful. And what the Bible's telling us is that your heart is more deceitful than any commercial. Your heart is more deceitful than any politician. Your heart is more deceitful than anything. It's more deceitful than the devil himself. Nobody lies to you as often or as convincingly as your own heart. What you feel in your heart, therefore, can't always be trusted. And this is the problem that Amnon faced. While love is selfless and always seeking what is best for the object of one's love, Amnon is selfish through and through, and he is only seeking what he believes is best for himself. Love seeks to bless the object of one's love, but lust seeks nothing more than selfish gratification, self-satisfaction. One commentator notes this, he says, quote, Amnon is consumed not by what he could do for her, but by what he wanted desperately to do to her. His heart is lying to him. His feelings are deceiving him. He is believing all of the lies that are coming up from within his own heart. Amnon's heart lies to him by telling him that he loves his half-sister Tamar. And as a daughter of the king, it was difficult for him to act on his feelings. And his inability to find an opportunity to act on these feelings starts making him feel ill. That doesn't sound like a very healthy obsession. Not only was she a royal daughter and thus would always have an entourage of guards who accompanied her wherever she went, but she was also a virgin. The fact that this is pointed out to us tells us that she was a woman who guarded herself against temptations of sexual impurity. Amnon, on the other hand, burned with temptations of sexual immorality even though he couldn't make any advances on his half-sister. So Amnon has a friend named Jonadab who we're told is shrewd. What does it mean to be shrewd? Being shrewd means to be cunning. We might say that it's very similar to wisdom, although wisdom is positive while being shrewd is more negative. It's got more of a negative implication. And being shrewd is kind of a way of saying wise in a bad way, therefore. But upon seeing his friend Amnon's condition, his depression, the illness that he's bringing upon himself, Jonadab goes to Amnon and asks him why he's so depressed every morning. He says, you know, I'm your friend, you can tell me, right? So Amnon explains, saying, I am in love with Tamar, the sister of my brother Absalom. I think we can safely assume that Amnon explained the whole dilemma, how he loved his half-sister, but couldn't find an opportunity to act on his feelings and desires. And Jonadab, in response to hearing this, quickly devises a strategy for Amnon. He says, Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. When your father comes to see you, say to him, Please let my sister tomorrow come and give me some food to eat, and let her prepare the food of my sight, that I may see it and eat from her hand. So Amnon gets this strategy from what we can assume to be one of his closest friends. He takes it, he puts it into motion, following it to a tea, and we're told that King David indeed does send for Tamar, instructing her, go now to your brother Amnon's house and prepare food for him. So it's playing out exactly the way that Jonadab had predicted, isn't it? Jonadab reminds us of the importance of having godly friends. Of having friends who know the Lord, who seek the Lord, who want to obey the Lord, who fear the Lord. Jonadab doesn't seem to have any of these things. He reminds us not only of the importance of godly friendships, but he reminds us of the foolish danger of having close friends. who neither know the Lord nor have any desire to submit to him in obedience and have no fear of him." Clearly, Jonadab and Amnon were close friends. After all, why would Amnon have confided in somebody that he wasn't close with? I doubt that he would have, but what we see in Amnon is a young man who does not seem to have been raised by parents who kept an eye on his friends, who his friends were, and he does not seem to have been raised having biblical values instilled in him. When we see the problems that are behind Amnon's actions, the desires, the inappropriate, the wrong, evil desires that he has, we can't help but wonder If David was just completely disengaged from his children's lives, which allowed things like this, desires like this, to be planted, and not just to be planted, but to flourish within Amnon's heart, that's what happens. But, you know, some people will say, you know, well, you know, these guys are probably teenage boys, boys will be boys, right? Let me just tell you this, that idea that boys will just be boys is a lie from the pit of hell. Boys will be boys according to the boundaries that their parents set. That's what they'll be. Where do you suppose Amnon might have learned to view women as objects? from dad. Wouldn't he most likely have learned this from King David as he considered how many wives and how many concubines his father had? Parents, this is a reminder for us. that our kids are watching. And they're putting two and two together. Even when we don't think they're paying attention, even when we don't think they're listening or watching, they are. They're learning from us. They're learning from our example. So they remember what you say. They also remember what you don't say. They remember what you do. They also remember what you don't do. They remember what you allow, and they remember what you don't allow. David was a man after God's own heart, but he neglected to correct and instruct his children properly. And that's going to be very evident by the time we get to the end of this passage. So I want to give those of you who are parents three quick applications that are derived both from this text and from the Bible as a whole. Things that might have prevented this situation here from happening. The first principle is that it is very important that you not be absent in their lives. It's very important that you not be a hands-off type of parent. Instead, let me encourage you to build strong relationships with your children. Know their friends, but don't just know their friends. Also know what things they struggle with, what sins they might be inclined toward. Know the things that influence them. That means having difficult conversations. It means having conversations that can be kind of squeamish, that your kids would really rather not have with you. But you have to love them enough to have those conversations anyway. It means investing in your children, and investing in them regularly, checking up on them regularly. How many of you, if you aspire to retire someday with a certain sum of money, how many of you would just take a sum of money and put it in the bank, but never check up on how it's doing, and all along, for 30, 40 years, you're just hoping for the best, hoping that when you're a certain age, you'll have reached the amount that you need to retire. Who's stupid enough to do that? It's foolish, right? That would be completely foolish. No, you would keep an eye on your investments as you continue to add to those investments along the way. Treat your kids the same way. You can't just wind them up and let them go. You've got to keep an eye on them. You've got to build relationships with them, strong relationships with them. Invest in them. Give time to them. Keep an eye on who is influencing them. Keep an eye on what is influencing them. That's the first principle. Secondly, use the relationships that you have with your children to teach them God's moral standards, starting at the earliest age you possibly can. This is part of those conversations, by the way. They do this, or they do that, and you teach them to think biblically about it. If it's something that God's word prohibits, you send them to their room, and when they've had a minute to think, you go and you talk to them about it, and you make them think about what they have done. You ask them, why do you think God put this boundary in place and told us not to do what you just did? And if they do what God's Word encourages, you know, when they do well, talk to them about that as well. You know, make them think. Again, make them think. Ask them, why do you think this is something that pleases God? How is this something that glorifies God? And the earlier and the more often that you teach them God's moral standards, the greater chance it is that these moral standards will be foundational, not only to the way that they understand the world, but also to the way that they interact with the world. Number three, discipline your children, but do so with love and do so with consistency. When you have lost your temper with your kids, that is not the moment for you to discipline your kids. That's why you send them to their rooms, right? Because you know that maybe you have your temper raised up and that's not the moment for you to speak to them. That's where you take a minute to calm down yourself and you go and you speak to them with love and you do this consistently. It's better that your children learn from an early age that sinful actions have consequences than it is for them to grow up and learn it the hard way. It's better for them to learn it at lower levels where they can't do much harm to themselves or to others than it is for them to grow up and to do it in a context where more harm can be done to themselves and to others. You know, I grew up as an unbeliever. whose best friends' parents had this philosophy that parents should never, ever tell their children no. So this is the most hands-off approach, the most hands-off philosophy you can imagine. They can never tell their children no, they never disciplined their children, and they held to this philosophy even when, as a teenager, my friend chased his father around the house with a golf club. And it's no wonder that he did. I mean, kids need loving and consistent discipline. And they thrive under that. Kids thrive under loving discipline. They thrive when they know to avoid certain actions so as to avoid certain consequences for those actions. But a final application, a fourth application for the text, and this is for whether you're a parent or not, is that you have to know that the old proverb that we have in America is true. Birds of a feather do flock together. That's actually a biblical principle. A child whose closest friends are godless, A child whose closest friends are worldly will himself grow up to be godless and worldly. Why? Because those are the people who he's concerned about making a good impression with. Those are the people he's worried about getting approval from. Now that isn't to say that we need to completely withdraw our children from the world, but we must teach them to get close enough to the world that they can be able to shine the light of Christ, but not so close that they get burned by the flames of sin. And we seek approval from our closest friends. And if we have a friend who is in constant rebellion against God, what kind of behavior do you suppose they're going to approve of? but godless worldly behavior, selfish behavior. This is where we see the wisdom in Paul's words from 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verse 33 where he writes, do not be deceived, bad company corrupts good morals. Bad company corrupts good morals. Maybe there is no story in the entire Old Testament that illustrates that principle as well as this story does. Jonadab is bad company. And just like Amnon illustrates the opposite of true love, Jonadab is illustrating the opposite of true wisdom. He's shrewd, but true wisdom doesn't lead or encourage another to sin. If you're a parent, monitor influences in the lives of your children. Be involved in their friendships. Know who their friendships are with, and keep an eye on the media and the entertainment that they are consuming. But know this. Know this beyond a shadow of a doubt. A true friend would not have given this kind of counsel to Amnon. Instead, a true friend would have urged Amnon to repent of these sinful passions that were dominating him, that were actually enslaving him. He sees that his friend is enslaved to these passions, and he feeds it. If he was a true friend, a wise and godly friend, he would have reminded Amnon of what God's Word says about marriage and sexuality. And he would have prayed for God's grace to have enabled Amnon to break free of these sinful desires and passions. that were enslaving him. But the trap has been set, the plan is put into motion, it's playing out just as Jonadab said it would, and just as Amnon had dreamt that it would. Let's continue, verses 8 to 14. It says, So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house, And he was lying down, and she took dough, kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. She took the pan and dished them out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, have everyone go out from me. So everyone went out from him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, bring the food into the bedroom that I may eat from your hand. So Tamar took the cakes which she had made and brought them into the bedroom to her brother Amnon. When she brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, come lie with me my sister. But she answered him, No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing. As for me, where can I get rid of my reproach? And as for you, you will be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you. However, He would not listen to her since he was stronger than she. He violated her and lay with her. This is just the fruit of an ungodly, undisciplined life where sinful passions go unchecked and they're just allowed to dominate somebody. This is the product of a young man who was never taught to look at women rightly or to restrain his passions. It's a young man who appears to have been raised with no fatherly discipline. Richard Phillips notes of these verses, he says, quote, the only true thing, in this passage that we're looking at, the only true thing is Tamar's beauty, which is revealed as being far more than skin deep. We already know of her physical loveliness as well as her sexual purity. To these we add the feminine virtues of domestic competence and a servant heart, end quote. Tamar is instructed to attend to her half-brother. And she doesn't hesitate. She's happy to do it. She gladly does it. But poor Tamar is... She's naive. She's just innocent. And she is assuming the best of her half-brother. She assumes that he has a genuine need. And because she assumes that he has a genuine need, she is more than happy to attend to him. She is more than happy. She delights. To serve Him. If only Abnon had been taught to view women rightly. As someone to protect. As someone to respect and to revere. Because she exemplifies the beauty of biblical femininity like few others in Scripture do. See, boys need to be taught from an early age that women, particularly godly women, are to be treated as the precious, precious jewels that they are. It is the responsibility of boys and men to assure the blessedness and the safety of those women, even though that's one of the concepts that modern feminism has so adamantly opposed and rejected and fought against. But let's just be clear, modern feminism is a satanic movement. Modern feminism is a satanic movement and I make no apologies for saying that. But this is why the Apostle Paul instructs, and note the word instructs. It's not just an encouragement. It's not just an idea. It's an instruction. He instructs that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Christ came to redeem the church, to ensure the church's safety, to bless the church. And husbands, likewise, are to love their wives with a self-sacrificing love. And that starts at a younger age. You don't learn this when you become married. You learn it as you're growing up because you see, ideally, you see your father loving your mother that way. But these are things that boys must be taught toward women in general from a very young age so that they can make for good husbands one day, good and faithful husbands according to biblical standards when they get married one day. But driven by compassion for her half-brother, Tamar finds herself left completely alone with Amnon. Her entourage is gone. The trap has snapped shut and she doesn't even realize it yet. With the room cleared, Amnon calls out to Tamar, bring the food into the bedroom that I may eat from your hand. And in her innocence, She brings the cakes to him that she had made. And as she came close to him, his tone suddenly changed. Rather than sounding sick, rather than sounding weak, all of a sudden he boldly instructs her, Come, lie with me, my sister. And her response, which was immediate, was threefold. She kind of goes from one stage to the next. First, she appeals to his moral compass. She says, no my brother, do not violate me for such a thing is not done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing. What he wanted to do was and is disgraceful. By what standard? by the only standard that matters, and that is God's standard. Leviticus chapter 18 forbids sexual relationships between family members, but chapter 18 verse 9 specifically says, the nakedness of your sister, either your father's daughter or your mother's daughter, so there it's making room for half-brothers and half-sisters, whether born at home or born outside, their nakedness you shall not uncover. And of this act of uncovering one's nakedness of a blood relative, verse 17 says it is lewdness. The fact that they were under this standard from Leviticus as children of Israel makes this act disgraceful, as she says. It is shameful. And the fact that they were children of the king themselves made it all the more disgraceful, all the more shameful. The problem is that Amnon knows no shame. And so secondly, Tamar appeals to his sense of pride. Men have that, right? Don't men have a sense of self-respect, a sense of pride? She says, you will be like one of the fools in Israel. No man with a grain of self-respect would do what Amnon is about to do for fear of his own reputation. His own reputation's at stake for fear of public shame, which is obviously more than justified. Does he really want to be remembered as the guy who did this to his half-sister for the rest of his life? And further, does he really want to ruin her life? That's why she asks, where can I get rid of my reproach? Amnon not only lacks self-control, not only does he lack a moral compass, but he lacks any form of dignity or self-respect. And so when that doesn't work, Third, Tamar, in a final moment of desperation, asked Amnon to allow this to happen in at least a more acceptable context, a more acceptable way. She says to him, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you. What's she saying? I hope you grasp this. This is really dark. She's urging him to ask David for her hand in marriage if he wants her that badly, because surely David would not deny his request. We need to understand that this is simply her last ditch effort to prevent this from happening this way. We can be certain that she didn't really have any desire to be married to Amnon, being married to Amnon would be better than being violated and treated like a rag doll. And given that David has this long drawn-out history of completely disregarding the boundaries of marriage as God created marriage to be, we can be fairly certain that she knows her dad and that she's right, that he would have given her hand to Amnon in marriage. But Tamar has now run out of options. Amnon was going to satisfy himself with or without her consent, and regardless of any future consequences that she or he might have to face. Again, this is not what love does. We're told that since he was stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her. There are so many horrible aspects to this. Too many for us to name within the given time that we have. Maybe the most horrible thing about all of this is that sexual intimacy is a gift from God. And it's a gift from God that is supposed to be something so precious and so beautiful and so sacred. It's a holy thing. God gave it to us as a good gift. But like every good gift, it's only good and it's only beautiful when it's experienced within the context that it's designed for. And sexual intimacy is supposed to be, it's designed to be experienced only within the boundaries of covenant marriage. Now I realize that this is completely opposite and completely contrary to the way that the world thinks. You're not going to see this kind of thinking on your TV. It's not the way the world thinks. I realize that the way the world thinks, any and every type of sensual pleasure is good. And if it feels good, it must be good. There's another lie from the pit of hell. One of the devil's snares when it comes to this issue is, well, why would God make it feel so good if we're not supposed to do it? I mean, that's kind of like asking, if you think about it, stop and think about it for a second, that's kind of like asking, well, you know, if poison is something that's going to kill me, then why did God put it in a place where I can consume it? I may as well just go ahead and consume it, right? I mean, imagine a rat. Imagine a rat being told to avoid cheese in a trap. And then he turns around and he asks, well, wait a minute, if cheese is so good, what could possibly be so wrong with taking it and enjoying it wherever I can find it? Our dear rat, it's not that cheese is bad. It's only that it's only good when it's in the proper context, which is far away from that snapping wire, which is going to end your life the second you try to enjoy it in any other way than its proper context. And the same goes for sexuality and sensuality. Rather than being this beautiful, sacred act of love, and giving and selflessness, Amnon's actions are violent. They are selfish and they are as vile as anything that we read about in the entire Bible. Sin completely corrupts and completely destroys the beauty and the goodness of sexual intimacy. And if you wondered, how true it is that Amnon didn't love Tamar, or if you're wondering how true it is that David is partially to blame here because of his parental neglect, the remaining text will leave no doubt in your minds. Let's look at verses 15 to 22. It says, "'Then Amnon hated her with a very great hatred, for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, "'Get up! Go away!' But she said to him, No, because this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you have done to me. Yet he would not listen to her. Then he called his young man who attended him and said, Now throw this woman out of my presence and lock the door behind her. Now she had on a long-sleeved garment, for in this manner the virgin daughters of the king dressed themselves in robes. Then his attendant took her out and locked the door behind her. Tamar put ashes on her head and tore her long-sleeved garment which was on her, and she put her hand on her head and went away crying aloud as she went. Then Absalom, her brother, said to her, Hazamnon, your brother, Been with you? But now keep silent, my sister. He is your brother. Do not take this matter to heart." So Tamar remained and was desolate in her brother Absalom's house. Now when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry. But Absalom did not speak to Amnon, either good or bad, for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar. Sin begets sin. Sin begets sin. The first thing that we see here in the aftermath is that Amnon's true feelings come to the surface and they're made evident. He's used his strength and he's used his might to violate his half-sister and to force himself upon her. And immediately after that, we're told, and he hates her. He hates her very much. The reason that he hates her is because he had seen her as this object to be conquered rather than seeing her as a treasure, as a jewel, a woman of God to be loved and protected, a puzzle to be solved rather than someone to be cherished. Commentator Gordon Keddie, I think he had a great explanation for this deep hatred that Amnon was feeling in the aftermath. He notes that Amnon was surely experiencing what victimizers like Amnon always feel after sexually assaulting someone. He says that Amnon, quote, hates his victim because in the very act of his self-gratification, he knows the most profound frustration of all, the humiliation of rejection. Without brute force, he would have nothing at all, end quote. And driven by this deep, outright hatred, he instructs her to get out of his sight, to get out of his bedroom. And again, she tries appealing to some sense of reason that he might have, saying, no, because this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you have already done to me. If you wonder how awful the ancient world was before the advent of Christianity and the spreading of the gospel, don't wonder anymore. She says that sending her out as a victim of sexual assault is worse than the act of sexual assault itself was. And in saying that, she's saying that getting married to a godless oaf like Amnon would have been a better alternative than going through life as a sexual assault victim in that culture. Because that culture knew no sympathy or compassion for women. But we're told that Amnon would not listen to her. He calls his attendant to him and he says, now throw this woman out of my presence and lock the door behind her. It's interesting to note, if you've got the King James Version, you'll see this in your Bible, that many ancient manuscripts of this text actually don't contain the word woman. So we're not sure that the word woman is actually supposed to be there. It probably is, but maybe it's not. But when we read this sentence without that word, if we read him saying, throw this out of my presence, we see that he just views her as a cheap, worthless piece of trash. On the verge of being thrown out, She doesn't have the strength to pretend like nothing happened, and we can't blame her. She tears the robe, which symbolized her purity. She tears it from her body, and as she's removed from the room, she pours ashes over her head, which is a sign of, reflects the shame and the feelings of dehumanization that she was undoubtedly feeling in that moment. She is grieving deeply. But we're supposed to see, as she leaves the room, that she is just a completely different person as she gets kicked out than she was when she came in. We're supposed to see the pain, the hurt, the grief, the shame of having been defiled and then just thrown away. We're supposed to see that the unrestrained lusts of Amnon's flesh have left this godly woman traumatized. And not only traumatized, but humiliated and disgraced. We're supposed to see the wicked, wicked fruit of selfish desires when they're left unrestrained. The scene is supposed to leave us revolted. We're supposed to be disgusted and disturbed by this. And honestly, I hope that you are. But we need to know that the scene isn't over yet. She goes to Absalom, who apparently can see that she's in a state of distress. I'm sure it was obvious. And he just kind of coldly asks her, has Amnon, your brother, been with you? But now keep silent, my sister. He is your brother. Do not take this matter to heart. That's not a comforting piece of advice. And we're told, so Tamar remained and was desolate in her brother Absalom's house. Think for a minute, put yourself in her shoes as much as you can, and think about how impossible it would have been for her to have trusted any of her brothers ever again, and yet she's gonna live with them now. But he does nothing to console her. He does nothing to comfort her. We then see that David hears about it too. He gets word of it, probably from Absalom. We're not sure how he hears about it, but he hears about it. And we're told that he's angry. Indeed, we're told that he was very angry. And that's it. That's it. Well, that isn't an appropriate way to feel. That's a good way for him to feel. But we should be shocked at the fact that that's as far as it goes. That David doesn't do anything about it. He's outraged at what his son has done, but he doesn't say anything to admonish him. He does nothing to discipline his son. So much for David being a hero. This brings us to a major, major failure in David's character, a personal weakness that should maybe even cause us to feel a sense of anger or disgust or disappointment toward him. And that weakness is his failure to discipline any of his sons and to keep his house in godly order. 1 Kings 1, verse 6 says of David's son Adonijah, his father had never crossed him at any time by saying, why have you done so? In other words, David had never instilled godly values in Adonijah. He never corrected him. He never disciplined him. He kind of had the hands-off approach that my friend from childhood's parents had. And this was very clearly the off-hands approach that David took with all of his sons. In the end, David's neglect, David's failure to teach his sons godly virtue and to discipline them when they sinned would create more problems for him within his own household than all the armies of the Philistines combined throughout his entire life did. David, as the king of Israel, had the responsibility. He's the king. He's got the responsibility of punishing those who break Israel's civil law. He had the responsibility of carrying out justice in a situation like this. And by failing to do so, he's not only sinning against his own daughter in an unthinkable way, but he is also disobeying God. because God had entrusted him with this responsibility, not only to raise his sons to know godly virtue, but to punish evildoers as the king of Israel. He's disobeying God on plenty of levels here. Friends, the home is the garden where children are to learn to practice godliness. That's where they're supposed to learn what godliness is. That's where they're supposed to learn what restraining urges looks like. Sons are to be taught not only to respect women, but to protect them, to cherish them. Daughters are to be taught to trust and to submit to the leadership of the men whom God has placed over them. But if there is no trust, there will be no submitting to anyone's leadership. Could you blame Tamar if she never trusted a man again? If she never trusted one of her brothers? If she never trusted her father ever again? Tamar couldn't even trust her own dad to defend her. David's failures, his neglect as a father, led to tragic, tragic consequences. But this passage has been given to us for our benefit, that we may learn, that we may gain from them an understanding of how we are to raise our children in godliness. Friends, I get it. Parenting is hard work, but we can't use that as an excuse to be like David and to just leave our children untrained and undisciplined and neglected like David's children were. Parenting is one of the greatest, highest responsibilities that God gives to us. Therefore, Christian parents must prioritize godly wisdom, accountability, and justice as a means of ensuring that their children learn that love, respect, and righteousness are to govern all of their relationships. Because David failed at this, Amnon followed closely in his father's footsteps. But David would have a son many generations later who would not follow after David's failures and weaknesses. Tamar asked a question that would really reverberate throughout her life, that she would be left wondering perhaps for the rest of her life. That question is, where could I get rid of my reproach? And the answer is that while her father David failed her in this sense, David's greater son, David's greater descendant, the Lord Jesus Christ, who would rule and have an everlasting kingdom, he would take her reproach. He would bear her shame. He would love her. and he would cherish her, not as an object to be used, but as a treasure to be revered, to be cherished. He could bring her peace. He could bring her healing. He could get rid of her reproach. But what about Amnon? Where could he get rid of his reproach? Can somebody like Amnon be forgiven? By God's grace, if he could ever find it within himself to come to the cross in faith and repentance, Christ would gladly take even Amnon's shame away from him as well. Jesus can forgive something as awful as what Amnon did. Is that what I'm saying? Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. Not only can he, but he will for all who come to him. 1 John 1.9 says, if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Notice that it doesn't say if we confess our little sins. Well, some of us have some little sins. Some of us have some big sins. And there's no distinction made there. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will cleanse us from unrighteousness. In Christ, there is hope for the hopeless. In Christ, there is love for even the most unlovable. And in Christ, there is salvation for even the chief of sinners. Have you sinned? The Bible tells us that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Therefore, it's important that you know, and not only know, but that you believe, that you act on that knowledge, that Jesus can cleanse you, and He will cleanse you, no matter how great or how small your sins may be. Have you been sinned against, as Tamar was? Have you been sinned against terribly? In Christ Jesus, God can give you the grace to even forgive and heal what she's gone through and to press forward in life, not as a victim, but as a new creation in Christ with a new beginning, only by God's grace. Let's pray. Our Heavenly Father, we thank you for your word. The way that your word startles us and revolts us sometimes, we know is for our benefit. Oh Lord, if it were not for your grace, we would have no restraint over our passions within us. But we thank you, Lord, that by your grace, you have subdued these passions within us. You've helped us to walk according to your precepts. You've given us grace to learn from our mistakes. You have disciplined us for times that we have sinned grievously. We thank you, Lord, for your discipline. Indeed, your word says that you discipline every son you receive. You scourge every son you receive. And yet, your word also attests to the fact that only a fool hates discipline. Oh Lord, teach us to learn from your discipline. We thank you for your discipline. We thank you for the way that it instructs us and corrects us. Lord, our desire is to live lives that are pleasing to you. And apart from discipline, we would wander astray. And so we thank you that it's your discipline that brings us back to you, brings us back into the light as you are in the light. Lord we pray for grace to not walk in darkness, to not abide in the ways of the flesh, to not follow the desires and the lusts of the flesh, but Lord give us strength. to turn away from these things, and to live a life that is pleasing unto you. We thank you that even if our earthly fathers have failed us, we know that our Heavenly Father never has. Help us, Lord, to parent our children, to know you, and to love you, and to serve you, and to see the goodness of your precepts. Lord, we pray that you would make us wise people, not shrewd, but wise. Wise to listen to what your word says and to abide in what your word says, knowing that this is what's best for us. And it's by walking in accordance with your precepts that Christ is glorified, and that is our greatest goal in life. Give us grace to do that, Father, we ask in Jesus' name. Amen.