This message was given at Grace Community Church in Minden, Nevada. At the end, we will give information about how to contact us to receive a copy of this or other messages. Father, we know if we're honest with ourselves that in our heart there is a treason, one that poisons all of our loves. How we need the cleansing power of Jesus' blood how we need the consecrating work of the Holy Spirit. And so, Father, we pray that you would, in fact, do that for us today. Give us eyes to see and minds to think. We pray that you would help us to embrace the wisdom which is from above. So easy to embrace our own wisdom. Father, we pray that you would remind us that we're not that smart. So we ask for your help today in Jesus name. Amen. We are talking about the pillars of biblical parenting and we come to the third pillar. I think this will be the last message if I finish it in time. And this is an area that today I can say that the Lord I think has helped me some and Ariel of course over the years and especially as it relates to these three words, law, gospel, and wisdom. Now, to be sure, we could have spent a lot of time on each of these lessons and expanded them. Think of this as a primer or, of course, if you're British, a primer. No, no, primer is right. Who says primer? Julie Henry says. Okay, so if you're Julie Henry, primer. Okay, okay. That's a dialect, right? Okay. So this is a primer. Think of it as a primer. This is just a reminder for us, but not just a reminder. Some of our families have new babies, young children that have not actually heard the parenting material over the years, except of course when they were little. And I think that I have a burden for young parents. But the burden goes beyond just making sure that they understand biblically what they're supposed to do as parents. One of the things, and this is not meant to be an offense to anyone, but one of the things that young parents often, the trap they often fall into is they think that now that they have children, now they know everything, okay? And they get defensive when it comes to their kids. All right? And I mean, it's going to tell you that you can't afford to do that as a young parent. You can't afford to do that as an older parent. We have to remain open to what God may teach us at any stage of parenting. And, you know, woe to the parent who thinks, you know, hey, we've got three little kids. We've got this mastered. God will mock your arrogance. All right? He really will. So we get to this final pillar, and this final pillar is built on three words, law, gospel, and wisdom. Now, by law, what I mean is that we, as parents, recognize God's lordship and his authority over all of life, but especially over the family. So when we talk about law, I don't think just strictly in terms of law covenant or strictly in terms of 10 commandments. Think of ultimately the law giver, God's divine authority to actually exercise that authority as Lord over our families. So that as we raise our children, we conscientiously embrace the fact that God's laws are our laws. All right? And you know the famous verse, Joshua 24, 15, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. So as husbands and fathers, It is your primary responsibility to make sure that God's Lordship is recognized and observed and obeyed in your family. So we are a home that lives in submission to God's divine authority as revealed in His Word. Now right away, when we say that, We'll have people who will say, well, if my children aren't converted, then I can't teach them God's law and I can't teach them to obey. That is actually a false application of the gospel. It's a false application of the gospel. Your children come into this world under your authority, which is by God's appointed authority. So for instance, you should require your children to obey you. Whether they are converted or unconverted, you teach them to obey you. I have an article by John Piper called, Parents Require Your Children to Obey, and I forgot to bring it out with me. I will send it out in the Google group. Read it, all right? Now, there are implications of God's lordship over our homes. And the first is this, because we recognize God's lordship over every area of life, we will be determined to be a God-centered home, not a child-centered home. Now, let me just give you a description of what I mean by a child-centered home. Obviously, the idea is that the child or the children are at the center of the home and they're the priority. Now, we can, hang on to your seats, we can love our children too much if we love them in the wrong way, okay? You are not supposed to love your child more than you love God. And in fact, your marriage is to come before your children. Now, in a child-centered home, There is an inordinate amount of love placed on the child so that if the child comes before the marriage, it's a child-centered home. Let me just remind us all that those children grow up and then one of these days they're going to be gone and you're going to be stuck with that person that's your husband or your wife. And so if you've spent the entirety of your family life making more of your children than of your spouse, then there's gonna come a time when those kids are gone and you're gonna look at each other and say, well, what do we do now? Okay. I don't even know what to say. Next, if decisions about money put the child before God and before the well-being of the household, it's a child-centered home. I actually read this week about a family that decided that during this, some ballerina teacher told these parents what a great ballerina they had and how much they should really invest. And so they started taking their tithe in order to pay for ballerina lessons with the justification that there's going to come a day when we can start tithing again. But until now, we need to make sure that she's given this opportunity. That's a child-centered home. Going into debt. for academics or for sports is a reflection of a child-centered home. I know families, talented kid on the volleyball team, all of a sudden, they're gone every Sunday and they're going into debt because you have to pay for travel, you have to pay for registration for the tournaments, you have to pay for the hotels. And of course, but you know what? They're so talented. If we go into debt because we think that our kid is going to be the next whatever, we're a child-centered home. If decisions about time put the child before God and the well-being of the household, it's a child-centered home. Big issue, I know it's a touchy issue, but let me just say it. If sports and entertainment take precedent over assembling with God's people on the Lord's Day and you want to make sure your kid's happy, it's a child-centered home. The Lord's Day has the priority for a Christian family, for a God-centered home. Compromises like these actually amount to idolatry. God-centered home, God and God's will as revealed in scripture comes first in everything so that all of the family lives under his lordship. So the marriage comes before the children. Church life is central. Servanthood is taught. Now, you can teach servanthood to your children every day of your life and it doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to be a success. But you teach them to be a servant. I remember we were pre I was preaching up we were preaching I was preaching up in It was Oregon somewhere for a family camp with the Brazils they have like 125 kids or something and No, they had what 10 kids 9 kids and we were all going out to another family who also had 120 kids and As we're getting out of the van, Elaine Brazil, Scott's wife, he passed her up there, said, remember your servants. Boy, that made an impression on us. Remember your servants. As those kids got out of that van, they were saying, how can we help you? What can we do? Teach your kids to be servants. One of the problems that we have today is that The cultural entitlement mentality is going right into this next generation so that this next generation thinks that they're owed something because they breathe. It's not true, okay? It's okay for kids to go without. It's okay for them not to have the latest Xbox. It's okay for them not to have the latest this, that, or the other. It's okay for them to wear old shoes. It's okay to actually tell them no. And in fact, you don't even have to explain it. You can just say no. Try it. If we raise kids that think that they're the center of everything, what kind of husbands are they going to be? If we raise kids that think they're the center of everything, what kind of wives are they gonna be? What kind of parents are they going to be? I'll tell you what kind of parents they're going to be. They're going to be the kind that in the case of an inconvenient pregnancy, abort their children. God is worshiped and honored in the use of time and money above the child. So, implication of God's lordship, God-centered home, not a child-centered home. I would just remind all of us, watch out for family allitery. In our circles, Where there's a big emphasis on domestic roles and family, there is also an insidious temptation to make the family more important than Christ. Watch out for it. Second implication, because of God's lordship in our home, we will require obedience from our children. The fifth commandment applies to your children. Ephesians 6.1, children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. First command with the promise. Make clear the distinctions between God's law and your household rules, by the way. You want to make sure you do that. You don't want to make your kids think that everything that comes out of your mouth has divine sanction. Number three is we require obedience. We will discipline appropriately and redemptively. So what I mean by that is if you're going to have standards in your home that are informed by God's law, then a law or a standard of righteousness without penalty is no standard at all. In other words, if there's no consequences for violating the household standards, God's rules, then, in fact, those become absolutely meaningless. And this is really a whole message in and of itself. I believe wholeheartedly in spanking. Okay? And I got really good at it. Proverbs 13.24, he who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently. 22.15, foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of discipline or correction will remove it far from him. 29.15. By the way, there's four times as many as I'm quoting here. The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. So, learn how to discipline your children correctly. Take it seriously. Bruce Ray's book, Withhold Not Correction, is an excellent, excellent resource. This is gonna sound a little strange, but learn how to spank them. If all you do is brush a limp wrist across their diapered buttocks, you're a failure. Young parents, if you need lessons, Dusty Funk has agreed to let me spank him so you can see how it's done. He actually volunteered. Number four, recognizing God's lordship over your home means that we worship God in family worship. Okay? That's one of the things. We sit our children down. Now, of course, when they're young, this is way easier. Once they start getting older and get jobs and have cars and all that, things get a little different. But when you have them in that time where you're able to tell them where they're supposed to be, take that time to have family worship. Take that time to read the Bible or to read a good Bible storybook. Make sure that you sing and you pray. And again, you say, well, you know, we're having them do this and they might not be regenerate. The fact is, is that God commands everybody to worship him. That's a command. But it's during those times of family worship that we instill in our children the principles and truths of God's word. And even as an unregenerate child, so whether it's making and memorize the catechism, so we use the children's prove it catechism, and the kids went through that and it was wonderful. They get that in their mind, they memorize scripture, they memorize the catechism, they memorize those truths, they hear those songs, they hear the stories of God's word from a Christ-centered, redemptive perspective. And what happens is, is that God takes that raw data that takes place in in family worship puts it in their hearts so that when God does regenerate them, there's already a framework. There's already a frame of reference. There's already truth for their minds to start to traffic in. And so if you're going to have a God's lordship over your home family worship. Number five, recognizing God's lordship means the way we use our time and money reflect our commitments and our convictions. Sit your kids down when you write out your tithes and offerings. Explain to them what you're doing. Help them to see that as a family, we honor God with the way that we use our money. We honor God with the way that we use our time. So that's law, God's lordship over our homes. Next is the gospel. So our primary responsibility to our children is to teach them and model for them the gospel. Look at 2 Timothy, if you will. 2 Timothy, start in chapter one. Paul says to Timothy in 2 Timothy 1.5, for I'm mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well." How did it get there? Well, chapter 3. Verse 14, you, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the sacred scriptures which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. And so we teach the gospel to our children in family worship. We make sure that they understand the gospel. Listen, we need to be gospel-centered homes because if we just end up teaching our kids moral stories and teaching our kids our moral values and teaching them, you know, Republicans are good, Democrats are evil, then what we do is we end up building up in their mind thoughts about what the gospel is about that have nothing to do with the gospel. So that when your children are old enough to reject your politics, they'll reject your gospel. Don't confuse them. Don't confuse them. Gospel-centered home. Drum the gospel into your kids. Drum into the fact that they have black hearts. Drum into the fact that the reason they do what they do is because they are sinners from birth. Drum into the fact that Jesus Christ is the only way that they can have their sins forgiven and have eternal life. Teach them about the cross. Teach them about the resurrection. Teach them about the doctrine of salvation. Teach them about faith. Teach them about repentance. Drum the gospel into them. Make the main thing the main thing when you're teaching your kids. Also, make sure that you take your kids to a church where the gospel is preached. there is nothing more foolish than to go off somewhere where you don't know what the church is like, you don't know what the churches teach, and you think that everything's gonna be fine, because all churches are pretty much the same, and then you find that you can't find a church that teaches and preaches the gospel, and then you've gotta go home, and Lord's Day by Lord's Day, you're doing more damage control than edifying conversation. Make sure that you have your kids in a Bible-teaching church. Make sure that you have them in the programs where the church teaches the gospel to them. And then model the gospel. Live out the implications before your children. Let me just say one thing about this that is vitally important. One of the best ways to demonstrate the gospel to your kids is when you sin against your kids, go to your kids, confess your sins and ask them to forgive you. What in the world do you think your child is going to take away from this Christianity that you say you believe, if all they observe is a person who never admits they're wrong and never asks for forgiveness and never thinks that they don't do anything worthy or deserving of forgiveness? What kind of message are we giving? What kind of message is that? Dads, but also moms, can fall into this really easily. And the fact is, is that as a parent, you're still a sinner, you will sin against your children, and if your children never actually hear you say, you know what, Daddy was wrong, I shouldn't have talked to you that way, would you please forgive me? If they never hear that out of your mouth, then you're not modeling the gospel for them. So you model the gospel. The gospel needs to be the aroma of life as a family and as the family of God. Guess where else our kids can see the gospel? In our marriages. Doesn't the Bible tell us that marriage is to be a reflection of Christ's relationship to the church? And so such things as love and faithfulness and sacrifice for each other. It's a demonstration of the power of the gospel to your kids. As well as knowing that when daddy has blown it with mommy, he goes and asks mommy for forgiveness. So that they can see what the gospel looks like. I say the gospel needs to be the aroma of our life as a family. We not only need to make sure that we're manifesting it in our marriages, but we also need to make sure that we're manifesting it in our relationship with the church. You know, one of the most harmful things that parents do, and they do it inadvertently, one of the most harmful things parents do is they go home from church on Sunday and then talk bad about people in the church or about the church in front of their kids so that by the time their kids are ready to drive, they're thinking, why in the world do I want to waste my time with a bunch of people that mom and dad can't stand listening to a guy they don't believe? Complaining about the church in front of your kids is one of the most surefire ways to get them to reject the faith. We need to continually point our kids to Christ. This last week, I read an article. I think that article's been out for a while, but it was by Abraham Piper. Abraham Piper is one of the sons of John Piper. Abraham actually utterly revolted and rebelled and went out and was living a very, very riotous life. And Abraham reflects on what his parents did in ministering to him in his rebellion. And I would, I can send that out too because that, There is a way where our constant rebukes and corrections of them in the midst of their rebellion does nothing more than harden them in their path of rebellion. Pointing them to Christ, reminding them of the forgiveness that's in Christ. In fact, Abraham's article starts with point them to Christ and then it ends with point them to Christ. You understand though, that's what we're trying to do in everything. So as we discipline our children, what are we doing? We're gonna discipline them redemptively. We're going to discipline them in a way that yes, they face the consequences for their disobedience, but we also then point them to Christ. We give them, we talk to them and point them to Christ when they've done wrong, but also, listen, you who have compliant children, watch out because you might think that there's no, I don't really have an abundance of opportunity to point my child to Christ because they're so well-behaved. Well, congratulations, you have a Pharisee in the making. Okay, compliant children are still sinners who are in just much need of grace as the rebellious naughty ones. And in fact, it's even trickier because you have to be more creative to look for gospel opportunities when you have a kid that obeys you. And so you have to look for those opportunities. And if you're paying attention, that little kid is going to notice what pleases mommy and daddy, and that little kid's going to do the stuff that pleases mommy and daddy, and that little kid's going to start thinking, you know what? I'm better than those two. Right? And if all you do is say, why can't you obey like your sister? Pretty soon she's gonna be wearing phylacteries and tassels. Point your kids to Christ. Point your compliant kids to Christ. Remind them, you know what? Mommy and daddy appreciate that you obey us, but do you understand that obeying us does not make you right with God? You still need a savior. Point your kids to Christ. And then finally, wisdom. Now, this is the part that we need to be careful about because what's the beginning of wisdom? The fear of the Lord. So there's a sense in which We have the responsibility to teach our children wisdom. In fact, if you read Proverbs carefully, you will realize that Proverbs is nothing more than a father instructing his son in the ways of wisdom. Go through and read. My son, give ear to my words. My son, incline your heart to my instruction. My son, my son, my son. All of this instruction is from a father to a son. So there is a sense in which we have a major responsibility not only to make sure that we, in a sense, Establish God's lordship in our homes and have a gospel aroma type home But we also need to take seriously our responsibility to teach our children Wisdom now that wisdom to be sure comes under the umbrella of the fear of the Lord Which means that this wisdom that we're going to teach them is a wisdom that is ultimately rooted in a relationship with God, right? But here's the thing. Although we want to teach our children wisdom redemptively, we want to teach them Christ-centered wisdom We also want to make sure that we are teaching them wisdom that will prepare them for life, whether or not they profess faith in Christ. Now make no mistake about it, their profession of faith in Christ is paramount, but that does not mean that we go, you know what? I guess since they haven't professed to be converted, it doesn't matter if they grow up to be profligates. Well, yes, it does. Yes, it does. And so, we make sure that we teach wisdom from God's Word, which oftentimes covers the practical aspects of life. By the way, if wisdom is the proper application of God's truth in order to generally secure a good outcome, there is a sense in which you can teach them the wisdom. Of course, you want to root it back in a relationship with God, but that does not mean that somehow we now don't teach them the ethics of biblical wisdom unless they profess a relationship with God. Let me give you an example. So Ashley is six years old and Ariel's homeschooling. And by the way, there's only one more of these in the book room. This is our old beat up copy that we used over and over and over again, signpost from Proverbs. And so Ashley would not get up for school. Every morning, she would not get up for school. Is this true? Okay, she'd lay in her bed and she would, Ariel go in to wake her up and she would roll over. And so I'd go in, I'd say, you need to get up. You don't get up, I'm gonna spank you. Then, you know, I don't wanna do that. So there was this, there's, and you know, and I tried, you know what? God's will for you is to be a good little student, which means you need to get up. So finally, one morning, I did a Bible class and I said, sit down. So this is the chapter on laziness, okay? I say, you see that? I look like you, except it's a boy, right? It's a kid going, oh. And so I start reading these proverbs to her, right? Little sleep, little slumber, little folding of the hands to rest, your poverty will come on you like a bandit, and scarcity like an armed man. You know what that means? Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands, that's doing your jobs carefully, persevering, keeping going to finish jobs, brings wealth. The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are satisfied. The way of the sluggard is blocked with thorns, but the path of the upright is a highway. I went through and read each one of these. Do not love sleep. or you will become poor. Stay awake and you'll have food to spare. The reason I know is I have little stars next to the ones that I really wanted to hammer her with, okay? And we go through and she's just listening. As a door turns on its hinges, so a sluggard turns on his bed. Went through all of those Proverbs with her. I said, you know what? If you're gonna be a sluggard, you're gonna grow up and be homeless. you're gonna be able to fit all of your possessions in a grocery cart. If you continue to be a sluggard, do you know what's gonna happen? There's a name for what you will become. It's called Bag Lady. And she looked at me and she had tears welling up in her eyes. She's like, Daddy, I don't wanna be a homeless bag lady. I said, then wake up. Get up when your mom tells you to get up. And you know what she never did again? Never stayed in bed after she was told. There's a practical element of wisdom that we don't wanna short circuit simply because it's not explicitly gospel-centered. We want to teach our kids about money. Teach your kids about money from the Proverbs perspective. We did. I don't even know how many months we did. We just went through the Proverbs about what the Proverbs say about money and about not borrowing and about, you know, not being surety and working hard and all those things. Why? Because you want to do your best to instill those things in your children. What about sex? The Proverbs teach us a lot about sex from a parent talking to a child. Proverbs 5, Proverbs 6, Proverbs chapter 7, warning your sons and of course application to daughters to stay away from the sexually immoral that'll ruin their lives. What about words? The way we use our words, there's a wise way to use words, there's a foolish way to use words. Friends, what about friends? Proverbs talk a lot about friends. Listen, you've got to instill these things in your children. It is your responsibility to give them that wisdom. You need to equip them in order for them to be able to make wise choices in life. So, we want to make sure we teach our children God's lordship over our family. We want to make sure that we have everything rotating, revolving around the gospel. We want to make sure that we take it upon ourselves to teach them wisdom. There are books that are designed. Barbara Decker has, for instance, Proverbs for Parenting. There are books that categorize the Proverbs for you so that you're able to instill, to teach your children straight from the Proverbs. But take the time. Those little lives that God gives us need to understand what it means to live in submission to the authority of God, And they'll never understand that until they learn your authority. I tell my kids over and over and over again, you will never learn to obey God unless you learn to obey your parents. teach them God's lordship, teach them the gospel, show them where there's forgiveness, show them in your life the power of God's grace in transforming us through the gospel and teach wisdom to them so that they grow up to be wise people, not fools, let alone mockers or scoffers. Let's pray. Father, we thank you so much for the sufficiency of your word, and we pray that you would help to just reignite our own hearts in areas maybe where we've become lazy or inconsistent, and we pray for your help. Lord, we realize that this parenting is a high, holy, and challenging calling. We pray that you would give us all the grace that we need, and we do pray for our kids. Father, we love them. We thank you for them. and we long to see them bow the knee to King Jesus and to follow him faithfully. And we pray, Father, that you would use us as means to accomplish that. Father, we would hate to be standing there on the last day knowing that it was in spite of us that you saved them, not because of us. And so help us, Father, we pray in Jesus' name, amen. We hope you've enjoyed this message from Grace Community Church in Minden, Nevada. To receive a copy of this or other messages, call us at area code 775-782-6516 or visit our website gracenevada.com.