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This message was given at Grace
Community Church in Minden, Nevada. At the end, we will give information
about how to contact us to receive a copy of this or other messages. Father, we know if we're honest
with ourselves that in our heart there is a treason, one that
poisons all of our loves. How we need the cleansing power
of Jesus' blood how we need the consecrating work of the Holy
Spirit. And so, Father, we pray that
you would, in fact, do that for us today. Give us eyes to see
and minds to think. We pray that you would help us
to embrace the wisdom which is from above. So easy to embrace
our own wisdom. Father, we pray that you would
remind us that we're not that smart. So we ask for your help
today in Jesus name. Amen. We are talking about the pillars
of biblical parenting and we come to the third pillar. I think
this will be the last message if I finish it in time. And this
is an area that today I can say that the Lord I think has helped
me some and Ariel of course over the years and especially as it
relates to these three words, law, gospel, and wisdom. Now, to be sure, we could have
spent a lot of time on each of these lessons and expanded them.
Think of this as a primer or, of course, if you're British,
a primer. No, no, primer is right. Who says primer? Julie Henry
says. Okay, so if you're Julie Henry,
primer. Okay, okay. That's a dialect, right? Okay.
So this is a primer. Think of it as a primer. This
is just a reminder for us, but not just a reminder. Some of
our families have new babies, young children that have not
actually heard the parenting material over the years, except
of course when they were little. And I think that I have a burden
for young parents. But the burden goes beyond just
making sure that they understand biblically what they're supposed
to do as parents. One of the things, and this is
not meant to be an offense to anyone, but one of the things
that young parents often, the trap they often fall into is
they think that now that they have children, now they know
everything, okay? And they get defensive when it
comes to their kids. All right? And I mean, it's going
to tell you that you can't afford to do that as a young parent.
You can't afford to do that as an older parent. We have to remain
open to what God may teach us at any stage of parenting. And,
you know, woe to the parent who thinks, you know, hey, we've
got three little kids. We've got this mastered. God
will mock your arrogance. All right? He really will. So
we get to this final pillar, and this final pillar is built
on three words, law, gospel, and wisdom. Now, by law, what
I mean is that we, as parents, recognize God's lordship and
his authority over all of life, but especially over the family.
So when we talk about law, I don't think just strictly in terms
of law covenant or strictly in terms of 10 commandments. Think
of ultimately the law giver, God's divine authority to actually
exercise that authority as Lord over our families. So that as
we raise our children, we conscientiously embrace the fact that God's laws
are our laws. All right? And you know the famous
verse, Joshua 24, 15, but as for me and my house, we will
serve the Lord. So as husbands and fathers, It
is your primary responsibility to make sure that God's Lordship
is recognized and observed and obeyed in your family. So we are a home that lives in
submission to God's divine authority as revealed in His Word. Now
right away, when we say that, We'll have people who will say,
well, if my children aren't converted, then I can't teach them God's
law and I can't teach them to obey. That is actually a false
application of the gospel. It's a false application of the
gospel. Your children come into this world under your authority,
which is by God's appointed authority. So for instance, you should require
your children to obey you. Whether they are converted or
unconverted, you teach them to obey you. I have an article by
John Piper called, Parents Require Your Children to Obey, and I
forgot to bring it out with me. I will send it out in the Google
group. Read it, all right? Now, there are implications of
God's lordship over our homes. And the first is this, because
we recognize God's lordship over every area of life, we will be
determined to be a God-centered home, not a child-centered home. Now, let me just give you a description
of what I mean by a child-centered home. Obviously, the idea is
that the child or the children are at the center of the home
and they're the priority. Now, we can, hang on to your
seats, we can love our children too much if we love them in the
wrong way, okay? You are not supposed to love
your child more than you love God. And in fact, your marriage
is to come before your children. Now, in a child-centered home,
There is an inordinate amount of love placed on the child so
that if the child comes before the marriage, it's a child-centered
home. Let me just remind us all that
those children grow up and then one of these days they're going
to be gone and you're going to be stuck with that person that's
your husband or your wife. And so if you've spent the entirety
of your family life making more of your children than of your
spouse, then there's gonna come a time when those kids are gone
and you're gonna look at each other and say, well, what do
we do now? Okay. I don't even know what to say. Next, if decisions about money put
the child before God and before the well-being of the household,
it's a child-centered home. I actually read this week about
a family that decided that during this, some ballerina teacher
told these parents what a great ballerina they had and how much
they should really invest. And so they started taking their
tithe in order to pay for ballerina lessons with the justification
that there's going to come a day when we can start tithing again.
But until now, we need to make sure that she's given this opportunity.
That's a child-centered home. Going into debt. for academics
or for sports is a reflection of a child-centered home. I know families, talented kid
on the volleyball team, all of a sudden, they're gone every
Sunday and they're going into debt because you have to pay
for travel, you have to pay for registration for the tournaments,
you have to pay for the hotels. And of course, but you know what?
They're so talented. If we go into debt because we
think that our kid is going to be the next whatever, we're a
child-centered home. If decisions about time put the
child before God and the well-being of the household, it's a child-centered
home. Big issue, I know it's a touchy issue, but let me just
say it. If sports and entertainment take precedent over assembling
with God's people on the Lord's Day and you want to make sure
your kid's happy, it's a child-centered home. The Lord's Day has the
priority for a Christian family, for a God-centered home. Compromises
like these actually amount to idolatry. God-centered home,
God and God's will as revealed in scripture comes first in everything
so that all of the family lives under his lordship. So the marriage
comes before the children. Church life is central. Servanthood
is taught. Now, you can teach servanthood
to your children every day of your life and it doesn't necessarily
mean that you're going to be a success. But you teach them
to be a servant. I remember we were pre I was
preaching up we were preaching I was preaching up in It was
Oregon somewhere for a family camp with the Brazils they have
like 125 kids or something and No, they had what 10 kids 9 kids
and we were all going out to another family who also had 120
kids and As we're getting out of the van, Elaine Brazil, Scott's
wife, he passed her up there, said, remember your servants. Boy, that made an impression
on us. Remember your servants. As those kids got out of that
van, they were saying, how can we help you? What can we do?
Teach your kids to be servants. One of the problems that we have
today is that The cultural entitlement mentality is going right into
this next generation so that this next generation thinks that
they're owed something because they breathe. It's not true,
okay? It's okay for kids to go without. It's okay for them not to have
the latest Xbox. It's okay for them not to have
the latest this, that, or the other. It's okay for them to
wear old shoes. It's okay to actually tell them
no. And in fact, you don't even have
to explain it. You can just say no. Try it. If we raise kids that think that
they're the center of everything, what kind of husbands are they
going to be? If we raise kids that think they're the center
of everything, what kind of wives are they gonna be? What kind
of parents are they going to be? I'll tell you what kind of
parents they're going to be. They're going to be the kind
that in the case of an inconvenient pregnancy, abort their children. God is worshiped and honored
in the use of time and money above the child. So, implication
of God's lordship, God-centered home, not a child-centered home.
I would just remind all of us, watch out for family allitery. In our circles, Where there's
a big emphasis on domestic roles and family, there is also an
insidious temptation to make the family more important than
Christ. Watch out for it. Second implication,
because of God's lordship in our home, we will require obedience
from our children. The fifth commandment applies
to your children. Ephesians 6.1, children, obey your parents in
the Lord for this is right. First command with the promise.
Make clear the distinctions between God's law and your household
rules, by the way. You want to make sure you do
that. You don't want to make your kids think that everything
that comes out of your mouth has divine sanction. Number three is we require obedience. We will discipline appropriately
and redemptively. So what I mean by that is if
you're going to have standards in your home that are informed
by God's law, then a law or a standard of righteousness without penalty
is no standard at all. In other words, if there's no
consequences for violating the household standards, God's rules,
then, in fact, those become absolutely meaningless. And this is really
a whole message in and of itself. I believe wholeheartedly in spanking. Okay? And I got really good at
it. Proverbs 13.24, he who withholds
his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him
diligently. 22.15, foolishness is bound up in the
heart of a child. The rod of discipline or correction
will remove it far from him. 29.15. By the way, there's four times
as many as I'm quoting here. The rod and reproof give wisdom,
but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. So, learn how to discipline your
children correctly. Take it seriously. Bruce Ray's
book, Withhold Not Correction, is an excellent, excellent resource. This is gonna sound a little
strange, but learn how to spank them. If all you do is brush a limp
wrist across their diapered buttocks, you're a failure. Young parents, if you need lessons, Dusty Funk has agreed to let
me spank him so you can see how it's done. He actually volunteered. Number four, recognizing God's
lordship over your home means that we worship God in family
worship. Okay? That's one of the things. We sit our children down. Now, of course, when they're
young, this is way easier. Once they start getting older
and get jobs and have cars and all that, things get a little
different. But when you have them in that time where you're
able to tell them where they're supposed to be, take that time
to have family worship. Take that time to read the Bible
or to read a good Bible storybook. Make sure that you sing and you
pray. And again, you say, well, you
know, we're having them do this and they might not be regenerate.
The fact is, is that God commands everybody to worship him. That's
a command. But it's during those times of
family worship that we instill in our children the principles
and truths of God's word. And even as an unregenerate child,
so whether it's making and memorize the catechism, so we use the
children's prove it catechism, and the kids went through that
and it was wonderful. They get that in their mind,
they memorize scripture, they memorize the catechism, they
memorize those truths, they hear those songs, they hear the stories
of God's word from a Christ-centered, redemptive perspective. And what
happens is, is that God takes that raw data that takes place
in in family worship puts it in their hearts so that when
God does regenerate them, there's already a framework. There's
already a frame of reference. There's already truth for their
minds to start to traffic in. And so if you're going to have
a God's lordship over your home family worship. Number five,
recognizing God's lordship means the way we use our time and money
reflect our commitments and our convictions. Sit your kids down
when you write out your tithes and offerings. Explain to them
what you're doing. Help them to see that as a family,
we honor God with the way that we use our money. We honor God
with the way that we use our time. So that's law, God's lordship
over our homes. Next is the gospel. So our primary
responsibility to our children is to teach them and model for
them the gospel. Look at 2 Timothy, if you will. 2 Timothy, start in chapter one. Paul says to Timothy in 2 Timothy
1.5, for I'm mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first
dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I
am sure that it is in you as well." How did it get there? Well, chapter 3. Verse 14, you, however, continue
in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing
from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have
known the sacred scriptures which are able to give you the wisdom
that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. And so we teach the gospel to
our children in family worship. We make sure that they understand
the gospel. Listen, we need to be gospel-centered
homes because if we just end up teaching our kids moral stories
and teaching our kids our moral values and teaching them, you
know, Republicans are good, Democrats are evil, then what we do is
we end up building up in their mind thoughts about what the
gospel is about that have nothing to do with the gospel. So that
when your children are old enough to reject your politics, they'll
reject your gospel. Don't confuse them. Don't confuse
them. Gospel-centered home. Drum the
gospel into your kids. Drum into the fact that they
have black hearts. Drum into the fact that the reason
they do what they do is because they are sinners from birth.
Drum into the fact that Jesus Christ is the only way that they
can have their sins forgiven and have eternal life. Teach
them about the cross. Teach them about the resurrection.
Teach them about the doctrine of salvation. Teach them about
faith. Teach them about repentance. Drum the gospel into them. Make
the main thing the main thing when you're teaching your kids. Also, make sure that you take
your kids to a church where the gospel is preached. there is nothing more foolish
than to go off somewhere where you don't know what the church
is like, you don't know what the churches teach, and you think
that everything's gonna be fine, because all churches are pretty
much the same, and then you find that you can't find a church
that teaches and preaches the gospel, and then you've gotta
go home, and Lord's Day by Lord's Day, you're doing more damage
control than edifying conversation. Make sure that you have your
kids in a Bible-teaching church. Make sure that you have them
in the programs where the church teaches the gospel to them. And
then model the gospel. Live out the implications before
your children. Let me just say one thing about
this that is vitally important. One of the best ways to demonstrate
the gospel to your kids is when you sin against your kids, go
to your kids, confess your sins and ask them to forgive you. What in the world do you think
your child is going to take away from this Christianity that you
say you believe, if all they observe is a person who never
admits they're wrong and never asks for forgiveness and never
thinks that they don't do anything worthy or deserving of forgiveness? What kind of message are we giving?
What kind of message is that? Dads, but also moms, can fall
into this really easily. And the fact is, is that as a
parent, you're still a sinner, you will sin against your children,
and if your children never actually hear you say, you know what,
Daddy was wrong, I shouldn't have talked to you that way,
would you please forgive me? If they never hear that out of
your mouth, then you're not modeling the gospel for them. So you model
the gospel. The gospel needs to be the aroma
of life as a family and as the family of God. Guess where else
our kids can see the gospel? In our marriages. Doesn't the Bible tell us that
marriage is to be a reflection of Christ's relationship to the
church? And so such things as love and
faithfulness and sacrifice for each other. It's a demonstration
of the power of the gospel to your kids. As well as knowing that when
daddy has blown it with mommy, he goes and asks mommy for forgiveness. So that they can see what the
gospel looks like. I say the gospel needs to be
the aroma of our life as a family. We not only need to make sure
that we're manifesting it in our marriages, but we also need
to make sure that we're manifesting it in our relationship with the
church. You know, one of the most harmful
things that parents do, and they do it inadvertently, one of the
most harmful things parents do is they go home from church on
Sunday and then talk bad about people in the church or about
the church in front of their kids so that by the time their
kids are ready to drive, they're thinking, why in the world do
I want to waste my time with a bunch of people that mom and
dad can't stand listening to a guy they don't believe? Complaining about the church
in front of your kids is one of the most surefire ways to
get them to reject the faith. We need to continually point
our kids to Christ. This last week, I read an article. I think that article's been out
for a while, but it was by Abraham Piper. Abraham Piper is one of
the sons of John Piper. Abraham actually utterly revolted
and rebelled and went out and was living a very, very riotous
life. And Abraham reflects on what
his parents did in ministering to him in his rebellion. And I would, I can send that
out too because that, There is a way where our constant rebukes
and corrections of them in the midst of their rebellion does
nothing more than harden them in their path of rebellion. Pointing them to Christ, reminding
them of the forgiveness that's in Christ. In fact, Abraham's
article starts with point them to Christ and then it ends with
point them to Christ. You understand though, that's
what we're trying to do in everything. So as we discipline our children,
what are we doing? We're gonna discipline them redemptively.
We're going to discipline them in a way that yes, they face
the consequences for their disobedience, but we also then point them to
Christ. We give them, we talk to them and point them to Christ
when they've done wrong, but also, listen, you who have compliant
children, watch out because you might think that there's no,
I don't really have an abundance of opportunity to point my child
to Christ because they're so well-behaved. Well, congratulations,
you have a Pharisee in the making. Okay, compliant children are
still sinners who are in just much need of grace as the rebellious
naughty ones. And in fact, it's even trickier
because you have to be more creative to look for gospel opportunities
when you have a kid that obeys you. And so you have to look for those
opportunities. And if you're paying attention,
that little kid is going to notice what pleases mommy and daddy,
and that little kid's going to do the stuff that pleases mommy
and daddy, and that little kid's going to start thinking, you
know what? I'm better than those two. Right? And if all you do is say,
why can't you obey like your sister? Pretty soon she's gonna be wearing
phylacteries and tassels. Point your kids to Christ. Point
your compliant kids to Christ. Remind them, you know what? Mommy
and daddy appreciate that you obey us, but do you understand
that obeying us does not make you right with God? You still need a savior. Point
your kids to Christ. And then finally, wisdom. Now,
this is the part that we need to be careful about because what's
the beginning of wisdom? The fear of the Lord. So there's
a sense in which We have the responsibility to teach our children
wisdom. In fact, if you read Proverbs
carefully, you will realize that Proverbs is nothing more than
a father instructing his son in the ways of wisdom. Go through
and read. My son, give ear to my words. My son, incline your heart to
my instruction. My son, my son, my son. All of
this instruction is from a father to a son. So there is a sense
in which we have a major responsibility not only to make sure that we,
in a sense, Establish God's lordship in our homes and have a gospel
aroma type home But we also need to take seriously our responsibility
to teach our children Wisdom now that wisdom to be sure comes
under the umbrella of the fear of the Lord Which means that this wisdom
that we're going to teach them is a wisdom that is ultimately
rooted in a relationship with God, right? But here's the thing. Although we want to teach our
children wisdom redemptively, we want to teach them Christ-centered
wisdom We also want to make sure that we are teaching them wisdom
that will prepare them for life, whether or not they profess faith
in Christ. Now make no mistake about it,
their profession of faith in Christ is paramount, but that
does not mean that we go, you know what? I guess since they
haven't professed to be converted, it doesn't matter if they grow
up to be profligates. Well, yes, it does. Yes, it does. And so, we make sure that we
teach wisdom from God's Word, which oftentimes covers the practical
aspects of life. By the way, if wisdom is the
proper application of God's truth in order to generally secure
a good outcome, there is a sense in which you can teach them the
wisdom. Of course, you want to root it back in a relationship
with God, but that does not mean that somehow we now don't teach
them the ethics of biblical wisdom unless they profess a relationship
with God. Let me give you an example. So
Ashley is six years old and Ariel's homeschooling. And by the way,
there's only one more of these in the book room. This is our
old beat up copy that we used over and over and over again,
signpost from Proverbs. And so Ashley would not get up
for school. Every morning, she would not
get up for school. Is this true? Okay, she'd lay
in her bed and she would, Ariel go in to wake her up and she
would roll over. And so I'd go in, I'd say, you
need to get up. You don't get up, I'm gonna spank you. Then,
you know, I don't wanna do that. So there was this, there's, and
you know, and I tried, you know what? God's will for you is to
be a good little student, which means you need to get up. So
finally, one morning, I did a Bible class and I said, sit down. So this is the chapter on laziness,
okay? I say, you see that? I look like
you, except it's a boy, right? It's a kid going, oh. And so
I start reading these proverbs to her, right? Little sleep,
little slumber, little folding of the hands to rest, your poverty
will come on you like a bandit, and scarcity like an armed man.
You know what that means? Lazy hands make a man poor, but
diligent hands, that's doing your jobs carefully, persevering,
keeping going to finish jobs, brings wealth. The sluggard craves
and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are satisfied. The way of the sluggard is blocked
with thorns, but the path of the upright is a highway. I went through and read each
one of these. Do not love sleep. or you will become poor. Stay
awake and you'll have food to spare. The reason I know is I
have little stars next to the ones that I really wanted to
hammer her with, okay? And we go through and she's just
listening. As a door turns on its hinges, so a sluggard turns
on his bed. Went through all of those Proverbs
with her. I said, you know what? If you're gonna be a sluggard,
you're gonna grow up and be homeless. you're gonna be able to fit all
of your possessions in a grocery cart. If you continue to be a sluggard,
do you know what's gonna happen? There's a name for what you will
become. It's called Bag Lady. And she looked at me and she
had tears welling up in her eyes. She's like, Daddy, I don't wanna
be a homeless bag lady. I said, then wake up. Get up when your mom tells you
to get up. And you know what she never did
again? Never stayed in bed after she was told. There's a practical
element of wisdom that we don't wanna short circuit simply because
it's not explicitly gospel-centered. We want to teach our kids about
money. Teach your kids about money from the Proverbs perspective.
We did. I don't even know how many months
we did. We just went through the Proverbs about what the Proverbs
say about money and about not borrowing and about, you know,
not being surety and working hard and all those things. Why?
Because you want to do your best to instill those things in your
children. What about sex? The Proverbs teach us a lot about
sex from a parent talking to a child. Proverbs 5, Proverbs
6, Proverbs chapter 7, warning your sons and of course application
to daughters to stay away from the sexually immoral that'll
ruin their lives. What about words? The way we
use our words, there's a wise way to use words, there's a foolish
way to use words. Friends, what about friends?
Proverbs talk a lot about friends. Listen, you've got to instill
these things in your children. It is your responsibility to
give them that wisdom. You need to equip them in order
for them to be able to make wise choices in life. So, we want to make sure we teach
our children God's lordship over our family. We want to make sure
that we have everything rotating, revolving around the gospel.
We want to make sure that we take it upon ourselves to teach
them wisdom. There are books that are designed.
Barbara Decker has, for instance, Proverbs for Parenting. There
are books that categorize the Proverbs for you so that you're
able to instill, to teach your children straight from the Proverbs. But take the time. Those little lives that God gives
us need to understand what it means to live in submission to
the authority of God, And they'll never understand that until they
learn your authority. I tell my kids over and over
and over again, you will never learn to obey God unless you
learn to obey your parents. teach them God's lordship, teach
them the gospel, show them where there's forgiveness, show them
in your life the power of God's grace in transforming us through
the gospel and teach wisdom to them so that they grow up to
be wise people, not fools, let alone mockers or scoffers. Let's
pray. Father, we thank you so much
for the sufficiency of your word, and we pray that you would help
to just reignite our own hearts in areas maybe where we've become
lazy or inconsistent, and we pray for your help. Lord, we
realize that this parenting is a high, holy, and challenging
calling. We pray that you would give us
all the grace that we need, and we do pray for our kids. Father,
we love them. We thank you for them. and we
long to see them bow the knee to King Jesus and to follow him
faithfully. And we pray, Father, that you
would use us as means to accomplish that. Father, we would hate to
be standing there on the last day knowing that it was in spite
of us that you saved them, not because of us. And so help us,
Father, we pray in Jesus' name, amen. We hope you've enjoyed
this message from Grace Community Church in Minden, Nevada. To
receive a copy of this or other messages, call us at area code
775-782-6516 or visit our website gracenevada.com.
Law, Gospel, & Wisdom
Series Pillars for Biblical Parenting
| Sermon ID | 216141730472 |
| Duration | 38:43 |
| Date | |
| Category | Sunday - PM |
| Bible Text | Proverbs |
| Language | English |
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