The scripture reading this afternoon comes from Ephesians chapter 5. Ephesians 5 verses 15 through the end. We notice particularly this afternoon verses 23 and 25 through 28. Ephesians 5 verse 15, See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore, be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine wherein is excess, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery. But I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband. So far the reading of God's holy, infallible Word. May God place His blessing upon the reading of that Word. The text this afternoon is verses 23 and 25 through 28. 23. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. And He is the Savior of the body. Then verse 25, Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Beloved congregation of our Lord Jesus Christ, last week's Sunday afternoon we looked at what marriage is as a one-flesh relationship. We saw last week that God unites a husband and a wife so intimately in the marriage bond that they truly become one flesh. And that itself is but a reflection of the relationship, the marriage bond, between Christ and His church. Just as God made man in His own image, so God made marriage in the image of His own intimate, eternal marriage bond to the church. Furthermore, we said last week that because this is the case, because marriage is a reflection of Christ and the church, the roles and the responsibilities for the husband and the wife and the marriage bond are clear. Husband and wife together are called to reflect the unity and the love and the intimacy and the fellowship that exists between Christ and the church. And individually, the husband is to be a reflection of Jesus Christ, and the wife is to be a reflection of the church. All of this is clearly laid out for us in Ephesians 5. God created Men the way they are as male and God created women the way they are as female. So that male and female would be perfectly fitted for their respective callings. In the marriage bond. The reality, however, is that we are all sinful by nature. The fall has had its effect upon everything, and that certainly also includes the marriage relationship. So that in his sinful nature, left to himself, the husband refuses to be a reflection of Christ. He cannot be a reflection of Christ, even though he is called to be. In her sinful nature, left to herself, the wife refuses to be a reflection of the church. in her holiness. The husband, rather, is inclined to mistreat his wife and even abuse his wife, and the wife is inclined to rebel. In their sinful natures, husbands and wives are both self-seeking and selfish, instead of living as one flesh. The beautiful thing about this passage in Ephesians 5, however, is this. In the context of the entire letter, what Paul is saying is this. Because you Ephesian Christians have been redeemed in Jesus Christ, because you have been brought out of your pagan idolatry, which was horrible for your marriage relationship, and you have been brought to serve the living God, and God has united you to Christ through faith, and you have been made a new creation, you can now live in the marriage bond as God wills. God gives you the grace to live appropriately in the marriage bond. Therefore, Paul says, you need to know how you must live in the marriage bond. Wives, out of the power of Christ, submit to your husbands. And model your submission to your husband after the loving submission of the church to Christ. And husbands, out of the power of Christ, love your wives and model your headship after the example of Christ's loving headship. And notice in the passage, that Paul focuses exactly on those areas in the marriage bond where we are prone to sin. Paul doesn't say, wives, love your husbands. That's not usually the problem for wives to love their husbands. Paul says, wives, submit. And Paul doesn't say, husbands, rule your wives. No, that's not usually the problem. He says, husbands, love your wives. This afternoon we begin looking at the calling that God places upon the husband in the marriage bond. We won't look at everything about the husband's calling this afternoon because, Lord willing, we will look at the husband's calling again next time. We take as our theme this afternoon, the husband's calling to loving headship. We look at that theme under three points. First, the high calling. Second, the specific manner. And third, the holy purpose. In this first point, I want to focus on the husband's calling before God, the responsibility God puts upon the husband to be the head of his wife. Ephesians 5 verse 23 says, For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body. The husband is the head of his wife. What does that mean? In order to understand what that means for the husband, we need to understand what it means for Christ, first of all. The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. The husband always has Christ as his example. He is to model himself after Christ. Therefore, the question must first come, what does it mean for Christ to be the head of the church? That Christ is the head of the church means, first of all, that Christ has assumed complete responsibility for the church. That's what Christ did. He took the church unto Himself as His bride, and in so doing, He became completely responsible for her. He became responsible for her salvation, for her eternal protection, for her eternal well-being. That's what Paul emphasizes in the passage. Christ is the head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body. He functions as the head of the church by being her Savior. And I think we know what that means. The church was covered in her sins. She was guilty before God, exposed, liable to the wrath of God. She made herself to stink. She was disfigured. And Christ, in taking her unto Himself, making Himself her head, took on the responsibility of all her sins. He took on the responsibility of dying for her sins, paying off her debts, cleansing her, dressing her in righteousness, preserving her, making her prosper in holiness. Ultimately, to bring her before the Father as one without blemish, as one who is perfect and spotless. That's what Christ's headship involves. Second of all, that Christ is the head of the church means that Christ leads her. He leads her. He rules her. He governs her. He has authority over her. That makes sense. If He is made responsible for her, then He also has authority over her. Christ is given that authority by God. Authority is a matter of divine assignment. And God assigned to Christ the authority over the church. He rules His church and He leads His church by His Word. By the Scriptures. That's how He makes her beautiful. By His Word. He rules His church and He leads His church by His Spirit. And He rules His church and He leads His church by His love. Christ rules over all creation by His power, but Christ rules over His church by grace, by His love. Again, think of the figure of the body. The head and the body are one, but the head has the authority and the rule over the body and leads the body as its own flesh. Third of all, that Christ is the head of the church means that Christ protects her and Christ provides for her. That's implied in his responsibility for her and his authority. He protects his church. He provides for his church. He provides salvation for her. He provides leadership for her. That's how he protects his church. He fights her battles for her. He gives her strength. He gives her rest. He binds up her wounds. He showers her with much needed words of love and affection and comfort. He gives her her daily bread. He forgives her sins. He does not lead her into temptation, but he delivers her from evil. He protects her and provides for her. That's what Christ's headship involves. In a very real way, but in a very astonishing way, Christ as the head of the church is also a servant then of the church. A servant for the church's sake. He serves His beloved church as her head. That's what headship ultimately looks like for Christ. He is the church's servant as her head. In Mark 10 verse 45, Jesus says, For even the Son of Man came not to be ministered unto. I came not to be served, but I came to minister, to serve, and to give my life a ransom for many." Even in the letter to the Ephesians, Paul already touches upon this idea. In Ephesians 1 verse 22, Paul is reflecting on how God has given Jesus Christ such great, great power. And Paul writes in Ephesians 1 verse 22, "...and hath put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be the head over all things to the church." And perhaps to make that clearer for us, we could translate it this way, for the church, for the sake of the church, Christ is given all power in heaven and on earth that He might use it to serve the church. For the church. And that's exactly who he is as the head of the church, as verse 23 goes on to say, which is his body, the fullness of him that filleth all in all. This is who Christ is as the head of the church. He fulfills her, her every need. He exercises his power for her. That's what Christ's headship involves. Now, that's the calling. That's the responsibility God gives to husbands. You are the head of your wife. Now, following Christ's example, live as the head of your wife. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body. What this means, first of all, is this. Husbands are responsible for their wives and for their marriages. It's a very humbling thought when you think about it. Maybe you're sitting next to your wife. Husbands are responsible before God for the care and the nurture of the soul of their wife. Her spiritual growth, spiritual well-being, her holiness, her godliness, you as husband, in a very real way, are responsible before God for it. What God has entrusted to your care, He requires that you do all in your power and ability so that it prospers and it grows and develops so that it might be to the utmost of God's glory. Your calling is to serve for your wife's spiritual prosperity and development. upon you as the head comes the responsibility to see to it that your marriage, both you and your wife, your marriage is a faithful reflection of that one-flesh relationship between Christ and the church. Of course, the wife has her responsibility in this regard too. You are one flesh. She is to help her husband so that he might be the head that he's called to be. Nevertheless, when God comes to inquire how your marriage is, the one to whom He will put the question is the husband. Second of all, that the husband is the head of the wife means that the husband is the leader of his wife. He rules his wife, leads his wife, not just for the sake of ruling her, but for the sake of ruling the marriage itself. Just as the husband is given the responsibility to lead his wife and his family towards God, so God also gives him the authority in his marriage to strive towards that end and to pursue that end. Authority is a matter of divine assignment. God gives to the husband this authority over his wife. And God does that for the good of the marriage, for husband and wife together. To avoid chaos. so that the marriage might be orderly and work towards that one goal of glorifying God, God gives the husband the role of leadership. And just as wives are under the headship of their husbands, so the husbands in their position as head are under the headship and authority of Christ. And we could say that about the wife as well. Wives under the headship of their husbands are under the headship of their husbands, doing that, submitting as unto Jesus Christ, just as the husband in his position submits to Christ. Just as all of us, whether we are single, whether we are married, submit to the authority over us as unto Christ. Well, what does this leadership involve? It involves a few things. It involves this, that the husband brings God's word to his wife and to his marriage. That's how Christ rules his church, through his word. And the husband must rule his marriage and his wife the same way, through Christ's word. That means, of course, that the husband must know God's Word. Really, we might say, to carry out his calling capably and properly, to exercise his authority properly, the husband ought to know more of the Scriptures than any other person in his family. There was a reason why, in the Old Testament, the king had his own copy of the Scriptures. Because of all people, the king, in his position of authority, needed to know what God's Word said. Husbands, too, must be those thoroughly acquainted with the Scriptures if they are going to lead their wife well. This leadership also involves this, that the husband manage well. In 1 Timothy 3 verse 4, when Paul is outlining the qualifications for elders in the church, Paul says this, 1 Timothy 3 verse 4, one that ruleth well his own house, One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity." And that word, therefore, ruleth well, has the idea of management. The husband is called to manage his own house. That's headship. In the same way, the husband needs to manage his own marriage well. What do I mean by that? I mean that, as a manager, you're able to bring out the best in your marriage. That's what a good manager does. A manager works with people and strives to bring out the best in them so that the company itself prospers and so that everyone in the company prospers with it. Husbands must do that in their marriages with their wives so that the marriage and their wife prospers. And the reality is husbands and wives are not equally gifted. God creates men and women with all different kinds of gifts and abilities, where some husbands have certain gifts and abilities and wives have different gifts and abilities. And a good husband, a good manager, a good leader and head is one who has the wisdom to see how the gifts in the marriage relationship can be best used. The husband sees who has the better gifts in this area or in that area, he will be discerning and manage his marriage appropriately. That doesn't mean that the husband gives up his headship. It means the exact opposite. He exercises his headship for the good of the marriage. For example, think of finances. Sometimes husbands can be poor money managers. So the wife knows how to take care of the finances better. Headship doesn't mean that the husband needs to take care of the finances. Headship means that the husband sees that his wife is better in that area and he gives the job to the wife. But headship does mean this, that the husband is ultimately the one responsible for the finances in the marriage. And we have to be careful here. Husbands may not use this thinking as an excuse to give up their own God-given responsibilities and to put those responsibilities on their wives, to burden their wives with the calling God gives to them. But a good husband knows how to delegate. Think of Jesus. Jesus knew how to keep the Passover feast. You two disciples, Go into Jerusalem. Go to the upper room and prepare the Paschal Lamb. Jesus knew how to prepare for His triumphal entry into Jerusalem. You disciples, get the donkey, get the foal, and bring it to me. That's leadership. That's headship. That's management. Leadership also involves this. Being a faithful example to your wife. bringing the word to bear on your own heart and your own life first, showing your wife that you are striving to live in holiness and you are dedicated in all things to the glory of God. A true leader is one who leads by example. Just as Christ led by example. Third of all, that the husband is the head of the wife means that the husband protects his wife and he provides for her, just like Christ does towards his church. He protects her. Yes, he protects her physically. He puts himself in danger's way so that his wife is kept safe. But spiritually especially, the husband protects his wife. Reflecting Christ. The husband becomes the rock, a rock for his wife. He becomes a strong tower for his wife. He becomes a shield for his wife. He becomes a defense for his wife. He becomes a hiding place for his wife. He becomes a refuge for his wife. That's what a head does. And ultimately, the husband helps his wife see that Jesus Christ in the end is her rock and her hiding place and her strong tower and her shield and her refuge. He leads her to Christ even as he himself strives to be a faithful reflection of Christ to his wife. And yes, when the husband sees that Perhaps, for example, that unholy television show is becoming a temptation for his wife. He leads her away from that temptation. He protects her from temptations. And then, perhaps most of all, the husband protects his wife from his own sinful nature. From his own sinful nature that would lead her into temptation one way or another. The husband protects his wife and he provides for her. Yes, he provides for her physically. That's how the Scriptures see it. Generally speaking, the wife's primary calling is as a homemaker and a manager of the home. And the husband's primary calling is to be the breadwinner. That's exactly why right after the fall, God said to Adam and not to Eve, curse it as the ground for thy sake. In sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life. In the sweat of thy face, Shalt thou eat bread till thou return to the ground." That curse was intended primarily for the husband to experience. And God has made husbands such that the heart of a godly husband is a heart that longs to provide for his wife. And again, that's only a reflection of Christ. Christ, Jesus, loves and longs to provide for His wife, so that His wife can be faithful to her calling before the Lord. And the husband's calling is not just to provide for his wife physically, but spiritually. The husband takes the initiative spiritually. He leads in devotions. He sets the priority for family worship. The husband is leading, whether he wants to or not. You are leading as a husband, whether you choose to or choose not to. That's your position. The husband is the one who sets the standard with his own holy walk before God. And then in all of this, I think we see how headship for the husband in his marriage ultimately looks like this. He is a servant for his wife's sake. He is a servant for his wife's sake. He is the servant of God serving his wife with faithful leadership and protection and provision. And if that maybe sounds strange to us, we need to remember Christ, He became a servant obedient unto death, obedient unto God to serve His wife. That's what headship is. All of this is impressed upon us when we read those words at the end of verse 23. At the end of verse 23, we read, and He is the Savior of the body. What does that mean? Obviously, Christ is the Savior of the church, but what does that mean when it comes to husbands and wives? We know that the husband is not the Savior of the wife in the way that Christ is our Savior. So what does that mean when we apply it to the husband? Well, the idea is this. The husband is so wrapped up in the welfare of his wife, he is so deeply concerned about her that he will do all in His power, just as Christ did all in His power. So the husband will do all in His power for her salvation and for her spiritual prosperity. He lives for her. and her spiritual prosperity. He serves her in whatever way she needs it so that she might spiritually prosper as a woman and as His wife. That's how Christ is our Savior after all. And all of this leads us to the question, how does He do it? What is the specific manner in which the husband is to carry out this high and weighty responsibility? We might say, what stands at the heart of headship? It is this. Love. Love. Husbands, when we think of headship in our marriage, that's what we must be thinking. Love. That's how we rule our wives. by loving them. In a very real way, when we are loving our wives, that will take care. They will be glad and thankful that they might follow our leadership. Is that not exactly how it is with us in Christ? Even as husbands, we know Christ's love for us. And we delight in it. And that's why we follow His leadership. Verse 25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it. Verse 28, So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. And again in verse 33, Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife as himself. And the wife see that she reverence her husband. Love. Love. And a third time, love. What is love? Well, love is not simply some emotion we have, that sometimes we are in love and sometimes we are out of love. That's not love and that's certainly not the word for love being used in the passage. The word used throughout the entire passage is the word agape, the strongest, the loftiest word for love. God is love. And love is of God. And God's love for His people is His eternal desire and attraction and delight in and commitment to His people. Love is cleaving together. Love is the bond of perfectness. And what is striking in the passage is this. Husbands are commanded to love their wives. Husbands are commanded to love their wives. This love is a commitment. It's a commitment that shows itself not just in feelings, but in action. Love is shown in how you choose to live with your wife. Love is a decision. God's love was expressed for us this way. He refused to let us go. He refused to be separate from us. But He showed His love by shedding His own blood for us on the cross and drawing us close into His intimacy in love. Christ's love was expressed in the way of sacrifice. Christ's love was expressed in the way of self-denial. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend. Love demands everything. Love holds nothing back. When you think about love, you see how all-encompassing and how grand love is. That's true in the church, in the communion of the saints. That's true in the marriage bond. It requires all that you have to love. Love is not proud. Love is kind. Love does not behave itself unseemly. Love is not easily provoked. Love beareth all things. believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Love, love never fails. Christ's love is perfect. And it is this love which husbands are called to reflect towards their wives. And husbands know how to love. They truly do. Just think of this. You're in the garage, you're working with a tool, and your hand slips, and you gash your arm, and the blood starts flowing. What do you do? Maybe you run to the medicine cabinet, or maybe you run to the first aid kit, or maybe you run to your wife to help you. and you carefully wash the area, and you apply the bandage, and for the next six days or so, you nurture and you cherish your arm. Men sometimes certainly know how to nurture and to cherish their pains and their wounds, don't they? Men know how to nourish and cherish their bodies. That's what love is. You are loving your own body. That's what Paul is talking about in verse 29. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. And what Paul writes is this, just as you men love your own bodies, so you must love your wives. That is, with that same kind of concern, that same kind of commitment, that same zeal to nourish and to cherish. She is your body after all. You are one flesh. Bone of bone. Flesh of flesh. And just as you see your body and you say, this is the body God has given to me. And you're committed to taking care of it. So, you look at your wife and you say, this is the wife God has given me. She was designed for me and I was designed for her. She is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. I am committed to taking care of her. And then you see her especially like this. She, the wife that I married in the Lord. She is the one so highly prized by Jesus Christ. that the man Jesus Christ, my Savior, my Lord Jesus Christ, shed His own blood for my wife. She is God's elect, precious child, chosen in love, and He has given her to me for me to nourish and to cherish and to care for. And now this is my calling in life, to be faithful as the instrument in Christ's hand. for molding and shaping this woman for her exalted place in heavenly glory as part of the body of Christ. Well, what are some of the characteristics of this love that a husband must show his wife? We will be brief here. The Lord willing, we will develop this a bit more next time. Let me mention just a few things. First, the husband's love for his wife is exclusive. Christ's love for His church is exclusive. Of course, He has eyes for none other. His love is not common. His love is for His wife. She alone is His love. So it must be for the husband. You are my only one. And all that is mine is yours, and you are mine. Second, the husband's love for his wife is unconditional. Christ loves His church no matter what. She was dead in sin, and He loved her, and He died for her. Christ could have said, perhaps, she is unworthy of my love. She is not lovable anymore. But no, Christ's love is unconditional. So it must be for the husband. I love you no matter what riches or poverty, sickness or health, whether in the flower of youth or the wrinkles of old age. Third, the husband's love for his wife. Of course, is sacrificial love, self-denying and self-emptying love. That was Christ's love, certainly. Love is unselfish. As 1 Corinthians 13 puts it, love seeketh not her own. Husbands in their marriages are called to die to self. And that's true of the wife as well. But the husband leads here as well. And then with this flows everything else. The husband's love is a tender love, an intimate love, a practical love that shows itself in actions in the home, a love that expresses itself in words, a thoughtful and considerate love. And that, Lord willing, is what we will consider more next time. But perhaps what we can say right now is this. And I believe we will have to say more next time too about this. The husband loves his wife in a language she recognizes and in a language she communicates in. That's the love Christ shows to us. It's a love He doesn't want us to question. He tells us in ways we understand and in ways that we value so that we see His love for us. As Christ loves the church, so ought husbands to love their wives by dwelling with them, spending time with them, communicating with them, being tender with them, so that the wife is allowed and encouraged to be a woman, truly a woman. She can live like a wife was designed to live, Finding her joy and her life and her fulfillment in you, her husband. That's what Christ wants for His church. That's what Christ wants for each one of us. Whether we are married or single or whatever. To find our fulfillment in Him. And that's what being the head of one's wife is about. Loving leadership to the glory of God. Reflecting who Christ is in the marriage bond. And the holy purpose of it all? What is the holy purpose? Let us read verses 25-27. Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. Christ has given you to be the head over your wife so that you might be the instrument in Christ's hand for her personal growth and holiness and spiritual maturity. That your wife might know how blessed she is as the child of God married to Christ. That your wife might know how treasured she is by God Himself. That He would give unto her such a husband as you to serve for her welfare. That your wife might be spiritually beautiful for her King, King Jesus. And it is in the way of being obedient to that calling that we ourselves as husbands are made holy and more and more sanctified for our place as part of the Bride and the Body of Jesus Christ. Let me speak for a moment directly to the young men and to the young women who are looking ahead to marrying or desire to get married. young men, as a single young man, or dating, or engaged. You prepare for marriage and for becoming a husband in this way. By striving more and more to become a man of God. To be a man of prayer. To have an intimate life with Christ yourself. You need to know Christ intimately if you're going to reflect Him in your own marriage. And young women, this is what you need in a man. Don't settle for anything less than a man of God whose passion and whose pursuit in life is the glory of God and who is willing and glad to live a life of self-denial and obedience for God's glory. Even in the dating relationship, a selfish and a proud man might seem attractive to the flesh. But the man you want is a man after God's own heart, boldly and courageously devoted to God's glory. And then fathers, too. Fathers, we know this. Fathers, let your love for your wife be visible for your children to see. Show your love openly, properly, so that your sons know what loving headship looks like. So that your daughters know what they ought to expect in a man. To be a husband is a high calling. But we thank God that whatever our calling might be, whether it's to be a wife, whether it's to be unmarried, whether it's to be an office bearer in the church, or whether it's to be a husband, His grace is always sufficient. Whom the Lord calls, He qualifies. And when we sin, and when we fall short, and we repent, and we forsake our sin, God graciously forgives. And our wives will graciously forgive us too. When we seek after God's help, God's help will not fail. Exactly because this is what characterizes love. Love never fails. Amen. Let us pray. Our Father, we pray that we might hear the voice of Christ. Bless the preaching to our hearts. Give us strength for our calling. Give us more love, Father, to experience more the love of Christ and to reflect that love in the church, in our homes and families, and in the marriage bond. Give us grace, we pray, and forgive our sins. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.