The following sermon was delivered at a dating and courting seminar which was held at the Trinity Baptist Church in Montville, New Jersey in September of 1999. The preacher is Pastor Mitch Lush from the Grace Covenant Baptist Church in Westchester, Pennsylvania. This is the sixth in a series of sermons and is entitled, Characteristics for the Man. Earlier session we considered the acrostic bark that she and he both need to be genuine believers. There needs to be that doctrinal alignment, they are allies, that there is something of the competent relator and there is something of the legitimate charmer. We have seen in our last hour as we have focused upon Proverbs 31, that there is that trait that is found throughout her, there is that character that is found that can be summarized under the headings of wisdom. that of her wisdom, that of her industry, her strength, her dignity, her optimism, her manner, and as well, her elegance. You stick with me long enough and we'll find a word that I can spell. In this session, we focus on the acrostic chief, C-H-I-E-F. First of all, Roman numeral one, the young man, the man, who is to be considered for marriage. There should be something of a consider. He should be a considerate Christian gentleman and the biblical basis for this a the biblical basis is primarily or I've found it upon primarily Proverbs 19 and verse 22. What is desired in a man is kindness. And a poor man is better than a liar. Now, I can't explain all the ins and the outs of the comparisons that are going on here, but it has been suggested by at least one that you've got a choice between a poor man and a liar. Take the poor man. It will be easier to live with slim pickings than it will be with someone who's constantly lying to you. But in the overall scheme of things, that which is desirable in a man is his kindness. He is to be a leader. But you want someone who will be kind in his dealings with you. Here is the one who, in his kindness, we've seen it in Proverbs 31, 28, the husband also, he praises her. Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all. He is kind in saying that. 1 Peter 3 and verse 7, there is that responsibility of the husband to dwell with his wife with understanding. There is that responsibility of the husband to give honor to his wife. Again, that is a manifestation of his kindness. But I invite you to turn with me to the book of Ruth. We want to consider the example of Boaz and consider something of this trait of kindness. What is desired in a man is kindness, and I think that we will agree with Ruth that this man is worthy of her choice. Ruth chapter 2 and verse 1. Naomi has sent Ruth off to glean in the fields, and we find it in verse 3 of chapter 2. Then she left and went and gleaned in the field after the reapers. And she happened to come to the part of the field belonging to Boaz, who was of the family of Elimelech. And behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem and said to the reapers, The Lord be with you. And they answered him, The Lord bless you. Then Boaz said to a servant who was in charge of the reapers, whose young woman is this? So the servant who was in charge of the reapers answered and said, it is the young Moabite woman who came back with Naomi from the country of Moab." Now notice something about our character here, Boaz. He's a relatively wealthy man. And he comes into the field and he's not asking, how many bushels do we have? But he gives his greeting to the men there. The Lord be with you. And then there is the response. He is an observant man. Who is this young woman that is here? There is further in verse seven. I'm sorry, verse six. So the servant who was in charge of the Reapers said that it is the young Moabite woman who came back with Naomi from the country of Moab. Now, verse seven. And she said, Please let me glean and gather after the reapers among the sheaves. So she came and has continued from morning until now, though she rested a little while in the house. Then Boaz said to Ruth, You will listen, my daughter, will you not? Do not go to glean in another field, nor go from here, but stay close by my young women. Let your eyes be on the field which they reap and go after them. Have I not commanded the young men not to touch you? And when you are thirsty, go to the vessels and drink from what the young men have drawn." So she fell on her face, bowed down to the ground, and said to him, "'Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?' We'll stop here again for a moment." She's wondering, perhaps, if she's going to get chewed out for being in this field. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here is a kind man. Who is this young woman? And not only does he hear the information, but he personally goes and he personally speaks to her. It is again an expression of his kindness. And she says, he says to her, why don't you stay in my fields? Now be assured, based on this little bit of interaction that is already, I have commanded my young man to not do this and they're to be watching out for you. And if you get thirsty, take advantage of this. Here's a wealthy man in the midst of harvest who is focusing on the needs of this young foreigner. Verse 11, it has been fully reported to me, Boaz answered and said to her, it has been fully reported to me, all that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband, How you have left your father and your mother and the land of your birth and have come to a people whom you did not know. The Lord repay your work and a full reward be given you by the Lord God of Israel under whose wings you have come for refuge." Then she said, "'Let me find favor in your sight, my lord, for you have comforted me and have spoken kindly to your maidservant, though I am not like one of your maidservants.' Now Boaz said to her at mealtime, Come here and eat of the bread and dip your piece of bread in the vinegar." So she sat beside the reapers and he passed parched grain to her and she ate and was satisfied and kept some back. She's thinking of Naomi. And when she rose up to glean, Boaz commanded his young men saying, let her glean even among the sheaves and do not reproach her. Also let grain from the bundles fall purposely for her. Leave it that she may glean, and do not rebuke her. I want you to be purposely inefficient in your harvesting for the advantage of this young woman." What do you think of Boaz? Do you like him? I like him. And if I were a young woman about to be married, I think that I would really like him. Here's a man who is prosperous, a man who is doing well, a man who in the midst of the busyness of harvest is thinking of this young foreigner and is purposely going out of his way to comfort her. Here is a man who is going to have the responsibility of being the leader in the home But the way in which he is going to wear his authority gives me real encouragement that she can embrace that authority. The practical relevance. B, the practical relevance under one. Slighting another is sin. demeaning, despising, putting one down, ridiculing, always correcting, abrupt with them, irritated with them constantly. We do not find this in Boaz. We find Boas is kind and considerate in the midst of his busyness. Philippians 2 and verse 3 gives us a reason why. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit but in lowliness of mind. Let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not merely for his own interest but also for the interest of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." Slighting another is sin. Young ladies, you want to look for a man who has something of that boast characteristic, something of a kindness. And if you embrace anything at all of the biblical rule that the man is to take the lead, the man is to have the initiative, then I plead with you now while you're in the searching stage to search for something of that appropriate balancing characteristic of kindness. Sliding another is not only sin. Sliding another is a particular danger of one in authority. It's a danger of thinking that because I'm in charge around here, I'm a little bit better. It's really a sinful tendency in all of us to think that we are more important. But it is a particular danger in one that is in authority because he is in a position to hurt another with his slighting, with his ignoring, or his simple insensitivity, gruff and mean in the demeanor. But not only is it sin, not only is it a particular danger in those who are in authority, But being slighted is painful. You know that. Think of it, young ladies, as you come to consider the whole issue of marriage. And I believe that increasingly you will see the value of this text, Proverbs 19, 22. What is desired in a man is his kindness. A considerate Christian gentleman. Secondly, Roman numeral two. You want a man, you want a husband who is a humble servant, a humble servant. For the biblical basis, A, we turn to Ephesians 5 and verse 25. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. That's self-denying love for the Lord Jesus. There is humility involved in that. In John 13, in verse 2, And after supper being ended, the devil, having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray him, Jesus, knowing that the father had given all things into his hands and that he had come from God and was going to God, rose from supper, laid aside his garments and took a towel and girded himself. That long oriental towel, several feet long, wrapping it around the waist, tying it perhaps that one time so it's right there, ready and available. Girded himself with a towel and after that he poured water into the basin and began to wash the disciples feet and To wipe them with a towel with which he was girded Now I may have mentioned I forget where in what context I had mentioned But I grew up Grace Brethren and a part of the three-fold communion service is that of foot washing but one thing that I remember is concerning preparation for foot washing. And again, the little words from Mom, make sure your feet are clean. Now, this is not a luxury that our Lord Jesus enjoyed. These are dirty, stinking feet. The dirty, stinking feet of those argumentative disciples Jesus is going to come before them in the night in which he is going to be betrayed, the night that is going to eventuate into Gethsemane and the sweating of the drops of blood, and all of this where he's got more important things on his mind. The emblems of Christ's leadership are the towel and the basin. He will wash those dirty feet and dry them. It comes out in Matthew 20, in verse 24, when they're indignant against James and John, their mother, coming and saying, let's have a little special place. Our Lord responds in Matthew 20, 25, He called them to Himself and said, You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you, but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave, just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many." Now, if you want a man who is to be a leader to have the complimentary graces of being a considerate Christian gentleman, I suggest to you that as you look for a man who is going to be a leader, you want that complementary trait that is being addressed here, that of a humble servant. B, the practical relevance. Note the importance of biblical balance in our testimonies. Male leadership is repulsive enough to the world without being perverted into a kind of tyranny. The loving husband who truly serves his wife will minimize the objections of the worldly. The woman of the world may not agree with the whole principle of the man exercising headship and exercising something of leadership, but if the worldly sees, well, this is what you mean, by headship, that at the same time he is the leader, he's the one who's doing all this stuff for you. It makes it a little easier for them to swallow. Note the endearing value of kindness and of humility in relationships. We are endeared to the Lord of glory in part because of his lowly service in our behalf. that he left the realms of glory, humbling himself to take on true humanity, and humbling himself further to go to the Roman cross. It endears us to him. And similarly, when Dad, out of principle, must make a decision that is not popular with a teenager, it will be easier for that teen to embrace the decision if there's a context of loving service surrounding that unpopular but principled decision. And further, when the habik must make a principled but unpopular decision for the newly established couple, It will be easier for that young wife to embrace this God-given authority when there is ample evidence that the young husband has her best interest at heart. He's really serving her. That's the context. That's the environment. Dear, I'm sorry. I really wish that we could have that new couch. But after all the money I've spent on my scuba gear, We really can't do it. Dear, I wish that you could go out and buy that new dress that you want. But you know, there's a reason why I need four new suits this month. I'm the one that was out working in the world. See, the humility and the service will make it a lot easier to accept principled decisions. Further, by way of practical relevance, notice the obvious connection between the humbling of the gospel and marital harmony. Think with me. The natively proud, and all of us are, the natively proud go through the transformation of the gospel. And one of the things that happens in the transformation of the gospel is someone is humbled by the sight of their sins. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Here is the individual who sees his sin, declares his spiritual bankruptcy before God, and flees to God for mercy. Blessed are those who mourn the context of declaring their spiritual bankruptcy. They shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek. There's a transformation in their thinking towards God and towards their fellow man. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled." And the plain point is this, where there is no humbling of the native pride, expect that there will be more conflict. Proverbs 13, 10, "...by pride comes nothing but strife, but with it well advised is wisdom." I don't know why Billy and I can't get along. Anything we talk about, anything we decide to do, He wants to do this, He wants that. And whenever we try to talk about this, we end up in an argument. By pride comes nothing but strife. Proverbs 29, 23, A man's pride will bring him low, but the humble in spirit will retain honor. There's an obvious connection between the humbling of the gospel And here we are again. Here's another reason to marry a believer. You want less conflict in your life? You want one in whom something of the stuffing of pride has been knocked out? Then look for someone who in the course of the gospel has had the stuffing of pride knocked out of them. Young lady, do you want a partner who's so full of himself that though at times he tries to be the servant, but you can see that it's just artificial, it's not real, it's not genuine. Where will you find one who is honestly a servant and not just trying to manipulate something out of you? Someone who has been transformed by the gospel. Here is yet another reason to be a believer in the Lord Jesus. Young man, Has the preparatory work of the gospel been done in your life? Do you know what it is to have something of the stuffing of your pride to be knocked out from you, for you to see your sin, to come before God and declare your spiritual bankruptcy before God? I don't have anything to commend myself to my God who is in heaven. My only hope of mercy is found in the Lord Jesus Christ. For by grace you have been saved through faith that not of yourselves it is the gift of God, not of works lest anyone should boast. For we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Believe in the gospel. Become that new creation in Christ Jesus in which all things have passed away. And behold, all things become new. It is that young man who has been humbled through the course of the gospel that you can have the greater confidence that his pride will not be causing constant contention. But thirdly, C, considerate. H, humble. Now, Roman numeral three. I, the initiating leader. The initiating leader. We can look for the biblical basis, A, at the creation order, Genesis 2. And in Genesis 2, I do want us to take the time to look at this passage at least briefly and to see here in Genesis 2 something of what God does. It appears from the Genesis 2 account that Adam is made first. That's plain. But it appears that Adam is already alive. And here's God speak to him concerning the tree of the garden, the tree in the garden of the knowledge of good and evil. God is plainly speaking to Adam, who was there alone concerning the naming of the animals. Genesis two and verse 18. And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him now to the ground of the Lord. Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all the cattle, to the birds of the air and every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept. And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into the woman, and he brought her to the man. And Adam said, poetic language, at least heading that direction. And Adam said, these are the first words that the man is speaking to his woman. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. She shall be called Isha because she has been taken out of Ish. Now the feminist movement talks about renaming God. It is our right as individuals to name the world around us and then they work in their rhetoric to the renaming of even God. And it appears to be in direct response to this passage in which God lays out the ground rules in which man is to have the initiative, he is to have the lead, and man is naming the animals before Eve has been brought into existence. And in response to something of this leading role that God gives to Adam, feminism says, not only will we rename man, and rename ourselves, we will rename God, because God is the one who has initiated this process. We will have none of this God of the Bible. But we find concerning the exemplary requirement of officers, we're arguing for the biblical basis of this initiating leader, that not only is there the creation order, there's the exemplary requirement of officers in the church. Concerning the elders, concerning the deacons, one of those repeated requirements is that he rule his own house. There's a leadership, there's initiative that is involved there. We could think, thirdly, not only the creation order, the exemplary requirement, but of the directives given to wives. You may like to turn to Ephesians 5 and verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be subject, or be to their own husbands, in everything." Here is that term, cupotasso, that is used. It is used of falling into rank under someone else. It is a term that is used concerning the wife towards her husband. It is used of the children towards their parents. It is used in the New Testament of the citizen to the state. It is used in the New Testament of the church member to the leaders of the church. And it is used of the Lord Jesus to Joseph and Mary. It is not a point of inferiority, is not a point of inequality, that the Lord Jesus is somehow worth a little bit less than Joseph and Mary. And that's why he has to fall into rank. It is merely a part of God's government in this world. But it is a part of God's government in this world. And it's extensive. Let the woman fallen to rank, to her own husband in everything. And we can say that as slowly, as calmly as is possible. But the bottom line is it's not very popular. But in 1 Peter 3, in verse 1, there is the urging there of wives to be submissive to their own husbands, to those who are not obeying the word. And it would appear from that passage that that submission that is due is due to the man in his God-appointed office as husband. You've got a civil governor, and you may look at his personal traits and say, Nero ain't such a good guy. And yet he is the one to whom those Christians would fall into rank under him. And there may be marriage situations where a woman must fall into rank to her husband because of the office, even though he's disobedient. And it's because of the office. Young men, don't put some would-be wife in that kind of situation where they have to follow your leadership, not on the basis of your person, who you are, but on the basis merely of your position. It makes it hard for them. But further, this whole matter of the initiation of men, the initiating leadership, if you'll turn with me to Judges chapter four. In Judges chapter four, we have Deborah, the prophetess, we have Barak, and we have Jail. For our purpose, we have a word that comes from God by means of Deborah. We find that in Judges 4 and verse 4. What we want to note is in verse 8, as she gives the command to Barak, this is what you're supposed to do. You go get Sisera. Take this amount of thousands of men with you, and God is going to bless you. It's a word from God. Now verse 8, And Barak said to her, If you will go with me, then I will go. But if you will not go with me, I will not go. So she said, I will surely go with you. Nevertheless, there will be no glory for you in the journey you are taking, for Jehovah will sell Sisera into the hand of a woman. It's one of those periods in biblical history when every man is doing that which is right in his own eyes. And even in this more unusual situation in which Deborah is the prophetess, and obviously that is by means of gifts and abilities that are communicated by God. But when you have a man who is a military general who is saying, in essence, come along and hold my hand and I will go and do the manly thing, she will turn and say, listen, get some backbone, get some leadership. The nature of biblical masculinity was addressed in the text read to you just before this session. 1 Corinthians 16 and verse 13. Watch, stand fast, be brave, says the new King James. The new American standard is more literal. Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. That says it. There is to be that initiating leadership. The practical relevance. B. The practical relevance under three. The practical relevance. The man's leadership impacts many areas of shared life together. In fact, Ephesians 5 verse 22 says that the wife is to be in submission to her husband as the church is in submission to Christ. Yes, in all things. He is to be the initiator. Now this comes out to some degree even in the dating relationship. And I must confess that I was not much of a hyper-Calvinist when it came to dating. I did not have this notion back in college, though I was just coming into the doctrines of grace and the sovereignty of God. When I would get a little depressed about my dating life, I'd go off to the library and find some poor soul there that was struggling trying to study. And I would get involved in a conversation with them and inevitably trying to bring it into an opportunity of sharing the sovereignty of God. That was good therapy for me. But I had more of the perspective of those 450 Benjamites. There's only so many gals here. Let's take some initiative. Why wait around? And I cannot argue against my own experience. There is initiation that is to be there. There is to be leadership. There is the decision making that is to come. But in that decision-making, remember, this is not to be viewed in isolation. Remember Boas. He can be a strong, successful businessman. At the same time, he's taking interest in this young Ferner. As leaders, we ought to talk, we ought to evaluate, we ought to talk some more and evaluate a little bit more, and then we make our decision. Not as a pope, not in isolation. But note that the man's leadership impacts many areas of life. So, young person, what I'm really doing, young lady, is arguing that you really carefully consider the character of the man and his ability to lead you and how he's going to lead you. Incompetence to lead a rite will frustrate a competent woman. You put her in the position where she knows biblically, 1 Peter 3, I've got to respect the office even though I don't respect the person. Young men must develop in areas of principled decision-making. Dads, do all that you can to try and develop that. A man's leadership, though we recall, is only a limited human authority. There is God. He alone has absolute authority. Yes, He has a realm of the family, a realm of the church, and a realm there of the civil government. But in each one of these God-appointed authorities, they are limited human authorities, and whenever there is a contradiction with what God says, we say, stop the bus, this is where I get off. And that's the balancing factor. We want a young man who makes decisions, but you want a young man who will exemplify some Christ-like humility in serving you and making that decision, and you want a man who is Boaz-like and saying, how are you doing? By the way, I've taken special concerns to make sure this and this are set for you. We have seen the considerate Christian gentleman, Roman number one, the humble servant, the initiating leader, Now we come, fourthly, to the enterprising provider. Again, A, the biblical basis. 1 Timothy 5, verse 8, the one who must provide for his own. It is in Genesis 2 that man is formed and put there in the garden to tend that garden. There is an initiative that is given to the man. We've already read in Genesis 2, verse 18 and following, that the man takes the initiative In naming the animals, it's a part of God's appointment. Genesis three, it is the curse that is pronounced specifically to Adam. He's not going to have pain when the babies come, but the curse that is announced on Adam. Is it in the toil? You shall eat. Cursed is the ground for your sake. In toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life. Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, and you shall eat the herb of the field. In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, your bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken, for dust you are, and to dust you shall return. The lazy man will not plow because of winter, Proverbs 20 and verse 4. He will beg during harvest and have nothing, Proverbs 20, 25. The desire of the lazy man kills him, Proverbs 24, 30. I went by the field of the lazy man and saw it all overgrown. The practical relevance. Man is not the exclusive provider, but he is to be the main provider. The balance there, Proverbs 31, with these passages and all the industry that that woman is involved with. Young ladies, look for a diligent work ethic. When he starts talking about what he's doing for work, you go look in his veggie garden. What kind of work is it? What kind of promise is there? You're not marrying for money. But you do want to see that the man is one that you will be able to respect in his diligence. Proverbs 12, 24, the hand of the diligent will rule, but the lazy man will be put forced labor. Do you want that? Proverbs 12 and verse 11. Hugh tills his land will be satisfied with bread, but he who follows frivolity is devoid of understanding. All we need is love. All we need is love, love, love. baloney. Young ladies, look for and guys develop your God-given skills and work. Do you see how far afield we are from the American dating system? Guy sees girl, guy wants girl, guy gotta have girl now. And we're saying step back here. There are these other responsibilities that need to be cultivated and need to be developed. If a guy and girl are going to live together, if they're going to be happy for their life together, then somebody's got to put the bread on the table. And how's that going to come about? The guy needs to be willing to do in his formative years that which will best suit him for the care of his family over the next 40 years. No, I'm not saying everybody needs to go to college and go on and get their PhD. No. Whatever his abilities, whatever his strengths, whatever his interests are, he needs out of principle to do that, which is going to put him at the position to provide for his family over the next four decades. Look for and develop a wise stewardship regarding the fruit of one's work. Oh, he makes a lot of money. But he goes through a lot of money too. Proverbs 23 and verse 20. Do not mix with winebibbers or with gluttonous eaters of meat. For the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty. No matter how much you give them, that's how much they spend and a little bit more. And drowsiness will clothe a man with rags. Look for and develop holy ambition in one's vocation. Proverbs 13.4. The soul of the lazy man desires and has nothing, but the soul of the diligent shall be made rich." There's a world of difference between wanting and never putting the feet to that want, and that of being diligent in carrying it through. You're not marrying for money. I'm not urging you to make a god out of things. We've got the rich fool of Luke 12 to warn us against that. We've got Proverbs 23, verse 4. Do not overwork to be rich because of your own understanding. Cease that. Will you set your eyes on that which is not? For riches certainly make themselves wings. They fly away like an eagle toward the heaven. And personally, I do fear where in our society, and perhaps this is heightened with a couple of trips to the Philippines and down to Trinidad, But I do fear when there's a materialistic guy and a materialistic gal who have interest in one another. It can be a problem. If her particular area, bent and weakness, is grasping after things, and then she marries somebody who's got even more of a problem in that department, there's not going to be much help to one another. Proverbs 30, verse 7, two things I request of you. Deprive me not before I die. Remove falsehood and lies far from me. Give me neither poverty nor riches. Feed me with the food allotted to me, lest I be full and deny you, and say, Who is the Lord? Or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God. We have a considerate Christian general. We have a humble servant. We have an initiating leader and an enterprising provider. And fifthly, we have a faithful lover. The biblical basis, again, the Ephesians 5 passage that you're familiar with, is a marriage context, a husband and wife portraying the picture of Christ and his church and vice versa. There's the obvious example for husband. What is the pattern for the husbands there? It's a self-denying Christ. There's a fact of his self-denying Christ, giving of himself, being in agony, sweating the drops of blood. Why? For the good of his church. There's the matter of his exclusive focus, where our Lord says, there are those whom you have given to me, to the Father. You've given me out of the world. They were yours. You gave them to me and they have kept your word. Young lady, you want a man who willingly gives himself. You want a man who knows for whom he's responsible. You want a young man who has an exclusive focus in his greatest commitments. You want a young man who is known like Christ for his faithfulness, for his fidelity. Think of the Lord Jesus in His example here in John 6, 39. This is the will of the Father who sent me, that of all that He has given me, I should lose nothing. The next verse, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him may have everlasting life, and I will raise Him up at the last day. John 13 and verse 1. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. It's Christlike to focus and say, this is the woman of my life. This is the woman of my covenant commitments here before man and made before God as well. And I am going to live out that commitment. B, under Roman numeral five, the practical relevance. Young lady. You want a man who is capable of pledging himself to love you for the rest of your lives till death do you part. I hope that even in your relative youth, young ladies, that you're able to discern that when some fellas tell some young lady that he loves her, It's not really worth that much. He's saying, I love you, not as an expression of his long term commitment, but he's saying, I love you because he's got something in mind. You want a man who is capable of pledging himself. When you hear those words coming in your ears with all of the romanticism, I love you, make sure that it's somebody that you can believe. Herbert, wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife to live together after God's ordinance in the holiest state of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor her, and keep her in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?" You want a Herbert who can fulfill that. I, Herbert, take thee, Ethel, to my wedded wife. to have and to hold from this day forward for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death us do part according to God's holy ordinance, and therefore I plight thee my troth." You want a man who is capable of being faithful. There are boy-crazy girls. And there are girl-crazy guys, those who seem to just live and delight in that whole realm of being at least momentarily in the affections of someone else. Josh Harris writes to this issue. There's a huge difference between genuine friendliness and flirtatiousness. Learn to distinguish between the two. No one wants to marry a flirt. Guys, if a girl flits like a butterfly from one guy to the next, always in need of male attention, do you really think that marriage will suddenly change her? Girls, do you want to marry a man with a wandering eye? And what about yourself? Where do you stand on the friendliness, flirtatious scale? Do you need to change your attitudes and your actions towards members of the opposite sex? You want a man who is capable of being faithful. You want a man who does not have eyes full of adultery. Matthew 5, 27, 28. The one who has committed adultery already in his heart. And there in that sobering passage, 2 Peter chapter 2, It's a context of the Church, and yet there are some who are inside of the Church who appear as false teachers. But those who have a Christian profession and yet are within the Church, they are described, as they feast with you, as having eyes full of adultery and cannot cease from sin, enticing unstable souls. They have a heart trained in covetous practices and are accursed children. There are some, Peter says, who within even the confines of the membership of the Church, within the confines of the professing community, are enslaved to their adultery. They are skilled in manipulation. Mark my words, it is vastly more important to have a young man with a clean mind than it is to have a young man with huge biceps. At the end of the day, and really all along the way, what is going to be more important? I would not take anything away from the legitimate charmer, the chemistry. Yes, that's here. But I warn you in advance of the deep pain and anguish, young lady, of being treated like trash. used and disposed, and the highest earthly commitment regarded as nothing. Chief, considerate Christian gentleman, humble servant, initiating leader, enterprising provider, the faithful Father, we would only expect that as dads and husbands focus upon something of this material, we find in even this simple survey of what You've revealed to us, that there are shortcomings. And we would pray, our Father, that You would help us to be those who are appropriately the leaders And we pray that you would be pleased to give to each of us who are or will be husbands the kindness of a Boaz, the humble service that you have displayed for us in our Savior, the Lord Jesus. And give to us as well something of that ability to be a faithful lover, committed and true for all of life. We ask this, Lord, believing that as these graces are worked into us, it will redound to Your glory. In Your Son's name, amen.