Would all the perfect parents and couples please stand. For the sake of the tape, I'd like to be noticed that no one's standing and I'm sitting down up front as the speaker, because I haven't arrived either. It's one thing to know what the Bible teaches, and the Bible teaches a lot, but it's another thing to have it worked into your hearts. One of my favorite theologians is J.I. Packer and he said, There's a great discrepancy between the aspiration of a Christian and what we want to be, but our reach isn't quite there. Paul says in Romans 7, wretched man that I am who will deliver me from this body of death. I know what I want to be, but I'm not there yet. And I know what I don't want to be, and sometimes I'm still there, and it really bothers me. This weekend is for you and me. If you have not arrived, then you're in a good place because people who think they've arrived are not in a position to learn anything. I shared my testimony with you all before, but I was 20 when I was saved, and I didn't come from a Christian family. My parents were religious, but they weren't regenerate, born-again Christians. And we didn't have much of a biblical background, so I didn't know a whole lot about being a biblical Christian or having a biblical marriage. And so I went to marriage seminars, even as a single, because I was playing catch-up. didn't know what we were supposed to do. We just sprinkle holy water on the way your parents did it. Is that how you do this parenting thing? And by the way, there's a verse that's repeated three times in scripture. In Genesis we read it. You can read it again in Matthew and Paul repeats it in Ephesus. It's, a man shall leave his father and his mother and he shall cleave to his wife. And the two shall become one flesh. Now, leaving and cleaving is not simply moving out of your parents' house. Because unless you work at it, you will reproduce the home you grew up in. Unless you self-consciously say, okay, this is the biblical plum. This is what the Bible teaches. How far out of plum was the family I grew up in? Who wore the pants in your family? Your mom or your dad? Who did this? Who did that? They're biblical guidelines for how we're supposed to live our lives. And it dawned on me that I simply couldn't baptize, so to speak, or reproduce the home I grew up in unconsciously because it says I'm to leave and cleave. And I'm not just to leave physically, but leave things in my parents' home that weren't biblical that need to change. And because neither of my parents were Christians, there were several things. I grew up in a day of greater common grace than today. Growing up in the 50s is not like growing up in the early decades of the 21st century. There's a lot of common grace, but my parents weren't Christians, and I had to relearn things. I had to self-consciously say, okay, this is what the Bible teaches, and however much my parents loved me, they were out of whack. How they related to each other wasn't quite right. How they related to me and my sisters wasn't quite right. So I had to play catch up and I purposely wanted to learn how to become God's man. I was beginning to see, and it's a firm conviction, the happiest place in the world, the happiest place in the world is in a Christian family in a biblical church, the family of God. Those are the sweetest places in the world. And I want you to have a happy family. I want you to have the kind of family that you can't wait to be home with your family. and that you can't wait to be with the family of God and the collective families of this church. Another reason why this weekend is important, I sent out a newsletter, a newsflash to 70 families and asked them to pray and I said, you know, if the families in a church aren't happy and healthy, then regardless of what reputation for orthodoxy the church may have, it's not a healthy church. In other words, if dad isn't buying it, if he isn't taking his wife along and saying, OK, honey, this is what we need to grab together. This is what the Bible teaches. We need to be this kind of couple. And then bringing their kids along to buy it, too. If they aren't buying it, then Orthodoxy doesn't go any farther than right in front of the pew or the pulpit, rather, because if you aren't living out what's preached. If orthopraxy, living out of the truth, doesn't follow orthodoxy, the teaching of the truth, then you have a weak church, regardless of what confession of faith you have, or what reputation you have for being a good church. So, the honor and glory of Jesus Christ in this community is reflected by the kind of families you have, and it's reflected by the kind of marriages you have. Now, it's going to be mostly on parenting this weekend, but we are going to talk about biblical marriages. Tonight, if you pick up the kind of cream-colored sheet, This is biblical parents and parenting. First session is tonight. Biblical parenting begins with biblical parents. Now, you don't have to go to seminary to learn things like that, but just think about it. Biblical parenting begins with being a biblical parent. Parents! Imagine that. We're not just going to first jump into, okay, how do you hold a wooden spoon when you spank them? Okay, we're not going to talk about that. We're going to talk about what does it mean to be a man of God who's ahead of his home and leading his wife and leading his kids. Because if you don't have that straight, you can read 30 books on spanking or encouraging, and it's not going to do any good. What the Bible teaches about biblical manhood and fathers. Tomorrow morning, By the way, ladies, I'm still taking money for those of you who didn't send me money. Several of you sent me $100 bills and said, stick it to those suckers tonight. And so, for those of you who didn't have an opportunity to give me money, I'll be taking money at the door. And then tomorrow, guys, biblical parenting begins with biblical parents. What's the woman to be? What the Bible teaches about biblical womanhood and mothers. Third, basic principles of biblical parenting of children. Parenting with biblical love, biblical limits, and biblical discipline. Kids, you better start paying me now. Fourth session, biblical parenting of young adults, a.k.a. teenagers. And a word or two about parenting adult children. They move out of your house, but they're still your children. They'll always be your children. How do you relate to them? How do you be a parent to an adult child who's maybe moved on, married, lives far away? Fifth session, perils and aims of biblical parenting. Practices to avoid and aims or practices to set for your goals. And the last session is God's, you know, if you're not under the pile by then, you haven't been paying attention or you skipped a lot of the sessions, okay? Because if you see all these things, you kind of go, man, I've gone here and here and here and I haven't even thought about this and this. And it's easy to be under the pile, but God didn't, but God has given us more than adequate. He's given us strong resources to be. these kinds of people. How in the world can I be such a parent or do these things? Okay. Turn it over. And here's some resources. You kind of go, a bunch of books, yuck. I haven't read a book since I graduated from high school. Welcome to Christianity. Here's a big book. Here's a whole 66 books. God expects you to know it. Ignorance is not bliss in the Christian life. You say, well, I don't know that my dad read any Christian books and he was a pretty good father. I'm not talking about your dad, I'm talking about you. You can be a better father. You can be a better husband. You women can be better wives, better mothers, better Christians. And some of these will keep you from some serious errors. I recommend some books by a lady called Meg Meeker. She's a pediatric doctor. She does pediatrics in adolescents, children, and teenagers in her practice in Michigan. She's been a doctor for 30 years. And she writes not as a Christian, although if you read her footnotes, she's obviously a Christian, but she writes as a conservative, telling anybody who will read this book, Please listen you need to work at being a good parent. It's too corrosive a culture People are spraying battery acid in the culture. It's corroding everything if you don't help your kids There's things out there that you never dreamed of in your day that can wipe them out so anyway her books are great Some great things to think about strong fathers strong daughters every dad with a girl ought to read that book Anyway, you can read those things for yourself and determine where you need to begin my first casualty Okay, the blue sheets next. Now why do I have these sheets? For a couple of reasons. Some people are ear gate learners. That means they learn by hearing things. When you used to go to class and sit in class, what you got in class, what you heard is what you got. You didn't like to read textbooks so much, but you really paid attention and you absorbed by hearing. Other people are like textbook reader learners. If I can read it, I can learn it. But when this guy just blathers all this details, I lose it. You know, you go in the doctor's office. Here's eight things you need to do. And it's like, well, can't you give me a list? No, you have to memorize all eight as I give them to you. So, for some of you who are ear-gate learners, you can pay good attention and get the tape. For some of you who are eye-gate learners, you can take this home and read it and re-read it and re-read it. And it'll help you. Biblical parenting begins with biblical parents, the man. Let the Bible teach us about biblical manhood and fathers and why it matters to parenting. Point number one, God created man to fulfill a certain calling in life. We live in a culture that has terrible amnesia. Amnesia is where you get hit in the head or something happens and you forget who you are and you don't recognize anybody. It's been maybe ten years ago but to show that our culture is rocketing downhill in Romans chapter 1 and is being destroyed. On the cover of Time Magazine, there used to be such thing as magazines, they're disappearing, but there was a thing called Time Magazine, which in its day was a big deal. And on the cover of this magazine was a man looking at a woman that said, men and women, are they different? I'm not real smart, but I think they are. I mean, come on. But that shows you the state of our culture, that people don't see, well, you know, they're just both kind of the same, they're built a little different, but they're both the same. No, they're not. They're not. God created man to fulfill a certain calling in life. Letter A. Biblical manhood. Man's high calling as God made him. Your pastor read Genesis 1 and 2. Man is a creature. What does that mean? He didn't make himself, God made him. Created by God in His image. Man is not self-existent. As I used to tell my congregation, there is a God and it's not me. And there is a God and it's not you. He's not you. You are a dependent creature. If God chose to take your life this second, all of your molecules would fall apart and you would disintegrate. He not only created you, He sustained you and He holds your life in His hands. Second, man is called by God, this created being is called by God to be a vice-regent, vice-president, assistant king, accountable to God and exercising dominion, lordship over the planet. Man does not own the earth but is to be a steward of it. Now you can own a farm, you can own a house, I own a house, but it's kind of a cultural way of owning the house and the property it sits on because God owns everything. We are called, number three, created and called to labor at the work God gives us to do. We read about it in chapter two. He says, okay, I want you to do these things. Here's what it means to be vice-regent. I want you to manage planet Earth. Okay? Man is under the authority of God as his creator, king, and lawgiver. Where do I get that? God says, okay, I give you all the stuff to do, but just to show you I'm the boss, That's, boys and girls, that's adult way of speaking to children that he's in charge, okay? He doesn't say, I'm the boss. I'm the king. I'm the sovereign one. But when my daughter heard that I was going to become pastor of her church, she goes, does that mean you're the boss? I said, for your purposes, yes, that would work. Christ is the boss, technically, but you get what I mean. But God says, to show that I am in charge, one symbol of me being in charge is, here is the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and I don't want you to eat it. Any questions? As a symbol of my sovereign authority, you can do everything else and manage everything else, but this is off limits. Any questions? So God moved on. Managed to recognize that he is not complete without the appropriate woman. Please notice he was doing God's will. God called him to have a job. This is my career. This is my path that God has marked out for me. And I'm following that path. And it was after he had a career, a path, that God said, Oh, by the way, did you notice something in your following your career path? Yeah, there's nobody else out there like me. There's no one who's a complement to me in the sense of not You look really handsome, that's a compliment, but in the sense of someone who's like me but a little bit different and perfectly fulfills what's lacking in me. And he said, I needed someone, and God set up the situation. It wasn't as if God figured it out at the last minute. God put Adam out there to do his work, and in doing his work, he came to the realization, I'm not complete. I'm lacking something. God goes, I know that. Go to sleep. And he creates the woman. You're not complete unless God gives you this woman. Now there is a gift of singleness mentioned in the New Testament. There is also the fact that many are single who don't want to be, who don't have the gift of being single because we live on a fallen planet and things don't always work out. There are lots of really swell guys and gals who wish they were married and aren't because of sin impacting their lives, impacting some of the guys' or girls' lives who they might connect with. Number six, man is called to be the head over his wife, God's ordained helper in accomplishing the goals for which God created them and their marriage. Now this is an important point. When God created the man, he said, this is what I want you to do with your life. He gave him a, I don't want to say career orientation, but a fulfill your calling orientation. He created the woman to have an orientation to her husband. It's not, okay, here's parallel rails, you're each going to do your own thing and kind of wave at each other from the locomotive of your individual trains. No, you have one combined goal, and the husband is called to have this calling, and the wife has come alongside to be his complement, and they're together to do this. This is not, I'm not saying women can't work outside the home, but I am saying that the Bible does not teach egalitarianism, the view that it's 50-50. She does her thing, I do my thing. At the end of the day, we say hi. Nobody is boss, nobody is under somebody else. That's not what the Bible teaches. The Bible teaches that the man does have the final say-so. We'll come back to what that doesn't mean. But I can't call a woman to follow me, single guys, until I figure out what I'm doing with my life. How can I say, you come follow me while I do, I don't really know, but I'm a great guy, you want to come along? You know, it'd be really risk-taking, gals, to follow a guy like that, because he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life yet. Let him figure out where he wants to go, then you decide if you want to follow him. I'm going to open up jacuzzi sales in Alaska. Okay, that's possible. Maybe just make us some. Maybe that's not something you want to do for the rest of your life, sell jacuzzis in Alaska. So, make sure he knows where he's going before you sign up. Biblical manhood. A Christian husband loves his high calling. And this is the second passage we'll reach. You need to turn your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5. It's the longest sustained passage in the Bible about Christian marriage. Now depending on your own training and background and where you are in your Christian life, I'm probably going to offend everyone at least a little bit this weekend, okay? I even offend myself sometimes, but I'm going to say things that the Bible says and you're just playing catch up. I can remember reading books as a Christian. I've been a Christian 25 years ago. Man, I never even thought about that. Okay, I've been married 41, going on 42 years. My wife is my best friend. We're still sinners saved by grace. We still have to say, I'm sorry, I was wrong. Would you forgive me? We're still learning things. Ephesians chapter 5, let's read verse 25 through 27. Husbands, love your wives... Now, I was mumbling there. Why did I mumble? Because it's the world's hardest job description. As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. That's the world's hardest job description. The second hardest is in submitting to a knucklehead like that. But the hardest job description in the world is to love your wife with the sacrificial love that Jesus Christ loved us, his church. That's repeating number one. Number two, is there any higher or harder job description? Number three, review with me for a moment how Christ loved his bride and gave himself for her. He gave up his rights for her. It says in Philippians chapter 2, and some Christians don't get what this means, it says that even though he was God, he did not cling to his rights as God, or grasp them. The word basically means this, Christ didn't say, I'm God, and I will be treated as God, and if you think I'm going to give up my rights and be just anybody, you are seriously in error. Christ said, I don't have to be treated as God. I don't have to be worshipped with God. I don't have to be honoured. I will live among sinners 24-7 on this planet. I will give up all my rights in order to serve my Father and to love them, my church. He gave up his comfort and his ease for her. Birds of the air have nests, foxes have dens, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head. What was Jesus' address? What did his portfolio look like at the end of his life? How much property did he own? He gave up his personal agenda for her. Father, not my will be done, but thy will be done. He gave up this world's fame and fortune for her. The devil said, you can have all this stuff if you just bow down and worship me. You can have the whole world. People today would die, they would kill for that. Jesus said, I want no part of it. And finally, he gave up his life for her. Even to the point of dying on a Roman cross, Paul says. The means through which the Christian husband expresses his sacrificial love to his bride, first of all, by dying to self. Okay? When you're single, you can do anything you want to, and you don't have to check with anybody else. When you get married, wives like to know. Where have you been? Why? because we're a team and you've been gone for eight hours and I was just oh well we went and played golf and then we went bowling and it's like whatever your BC whatever before your marriage lifestyle was like it's gonna have to change after you get married. Dying to self. We'll have testimonies later, Kurt. By washing his wife with the word, Ephesians 5, 26, that he might sanctify her, set her apart, make her holy, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. You both have incomplete minds. You both have computers as brains that were programmed with all kinds of garbage. Now that you're Christians, you want to wipe as much of your hard drive clean as you can in modern terminology. Wipe as much of the hard drive clean as you can and reprogram your head with biblical thinking. But both of you have to do it. The husband is called to lead his wife in cleansing both of your minds. This is how the world thinks. This is how we used to think. That's not who we are anymore. So we don't want to think that way. But he takes the lead in washing her with the word. If you have a problem facing you as a couple, what should we do? Well, we can lay on the floor a moat, we can have hissy fits together, or maybe we can get in the word and see what God has to say about this particular problem. Then finally, he expresses his sacrificial love for his bride by praying for her, presenting her to the Father in intercession, which is verse 27, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, this is speaking about Christ, to which word to emulate, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. His goal is he wants to present his bride to his father, and this is my pristine bride that I have labored over, sacrificed for, washed with the Word, and prayed for. Guys, I said this was a tough job description. What are the goals of a husband's sacrificial love for his wife? Well, I just read that, to see her in heaven. And to see her become a holy woman, what she was called to be. Biblical manhood, a Christian husband loves his high calling in this way, by loving his wife practically. Now, some people might say, well, I bring my wife flowers once a year, even if I don't have to. Okay. And I tell her I love her a couple times a month. These are burning up things that don't count. Okay. And I could go through these things that some people think are really loving. But romantic telling you you love someone is not the same as practical showing. Let's look at Ephesians 5, 28 to 30. In the same way, in this talking about love, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. Now you don't stand in front of the mirror guys every morning and go, hey you big hunk, good morning. I mean, is that how you love yourself? I hope not. Ladies, if you have that situation, you need to talk to your pastor right away. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, meaning as they already love their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. So, you take care of her like you already take care of your own body. You make sure there's food, clothing, shelter, warmth, cool, whatever it needs. How do you already take care of your body? Well, feeding it, making sure its needs are met. For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it. What is it to nourish a body? Provide food, clothing and shelter and reasonable safety. By reasonable safety I mean There's no man in this room, regardless of how selfless and smart and brave and no matter how many guns in his closet and how great of an alarm system, we are not God and we can't be God to our families. Everything reasonable we can do to protect them we will, but in the end we can't be God to our families. But whatever is reasonable, our families shouldn't live in fear. And C, what is it to cherish a body? Well, it implies meeting other needs. Attentiveness reveals it to us. To cherish something means I love it, I think about it. Okay, what does it mean in thinking about yourself and what its needs are? Do you apply that same attempt to be understanding and sensitive to your wife? 1 Peter 3, 7, Christian husbands are to live with their wives in an understanding way. Now I'm such a doofus, this will be excised from the tape later on, I'm such a doofus that I was 52, 13 years ago, and it dawned on me, you know at the zenith, the very pinnacle of my wife's spirituality, the millisecond before she steps into heaven, she's still going to be a woman. I go, you are really stupid. Well guys, I have a feeling some of you are like, no, really? She's always going to have a different gender and she's just going to look at things differently. It's not a matter of the more spiritual your wife gets, she'll finally see it like you. She really would like to go to NASCAR rather than go to the mall, okay? Or whatever the thing is. But it's that she's always going to be different. It's like, you're 52, Jack, and you didn't get that? I said I was slow. And it helps if you think about what does it mean to be sensitive to her as a woman, not, you know, I think I'd like some new grips on my pistol. She probably never thinks about that. She probably never thinks about mudflaps on her pickup. Or a pickup for that matter. There's things that guys would like and think about, okay? But to live with my wife in an understandable way means what would be sensitive to her as a woman? God's chosen help me for me. Attentive husbands love and build up. They never want to be harsh with them, which Colossians 3.19 forbids, being harsh with your wife. And if we're ever harsh with our wives, we need to go back and say we're sorry. And if we're ever harsh with our wives in front of our children, we need not only to apologize to our wife first, but then sit the children down and say, what you just saw dad do was wrong. The Bible forbids me from doing that. I don't want to treat your mother like I did. That's my sin. Would you forgive me for treating your mom that way? And I'm sorry that you had to see it. Biblical husbands recognize there is a mysterious connection between the relationship of Christ and his bride, the church, and a Christian husband and his bride, his wife, which it goes on down through the rest of the chapter and talks about that. Paul says, now I know this is hard to fathom, verse 32, the mystery is profound and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and his church. There is a relationship that Christ is attentive to. that your marriage in some way demonstrates for some of us more poorly than others but all of us are to some way make the relationship between Christ and his bride the church evident in how we treat our wives and how we treat each other. D. Biblical manhood a Christian husband leads in his high calling I began with the motivation he loves It's not as hard, I didn't say it's not hard, I just said it's not as hard to follow somebody who's a lover. 5.22 and 22.33, that same passage. Christian husbands are ordained by God to be the head of their wife, their children. In their home, God's word teaches that the husband is the head of the wife. Headship of the wife was ordained by God in creation's hierarchy. We read that in Genesis chapter 2. I know a church in South Georgia where, as the pastor was reading that and teaching it, people got up and walked out of church. We will not have that. Because in that particular church, the women ruled most of the homes. And they weren't about to have the preacher tell them that that's what the word of God forbid. What was forbidding, in a sense, we need to keep in mind that just as Christ is the head of the church, the church is not the head of Christ. The church doesn't run Christ. He runs his church. And the same way the wife isn't the head of her husband, he's the head of her, it doesn't mean he runs roughshod over her, but it does mean the buck stops with him. Or when I have a husband complain to me about his marriage and his family, I say, well, who's the engineer in this train wreck? Men, everything that happens in your family is your responsibility. But everything that happens in your family is not your fault. Do you see the difference? Okay, let's say my wife does something wrong. Just hypothetical, and she's right here. Okay, I didn't cause her to do it, I didn't set up a situation that encouraged her to do it, but for whatever reason she did it. Okay. But who's responsible for her? Guys, can you get this at work? When someone screws up at work, who's the boss over him? Isn't that person ultimately responsible for getting the situation taken care of? That's their fault, they did it. I have nothing to do with this. That's lame, terrible leadership. The husband is the head of the home and principal leader of the children, too. When it says in Ephesians 6, 4, fathers do not provoke your children to wrath, he didn't say you cranky moms and dads too when you're home. He says no, dads you're the head of the home so I address you. Do not provoke your children to wrath. God's church is structured so wives do not have authority over their husbands. That's why in the church, men are to be elders, not because God's a misogynist and doesn't like women, but because it would be an odd thing for a woman who's not the head of her home to come to church and be the head of her husband, because she's an elder and he's not. So God is consistent in saying, this is how I want to structure my church. Remember Adam and Eve? The terrible consequences of a man's dereliction of duty to God and his wife? and his posterity, and a woman's independence and rebellion against her God. What were the fruit of Adam and Eve's sins? What was Adam doing? My wife's over there talking to a serpent. I didn't catch it all. What? You weren't there? Well, they didn't ask me to come over and talk. Well, I don't care. You don't have to be invited. You're supposed to be in charge. And we know the whole sad thing. Christian husbands lead as the mark of their leadership, their headship. Now, I was listening to some great tapes on leadership by Dr. Howard Hendricks. I think maybe you've heard some of them. And he says that, you know, to be a leader, you have to lead. And you kind of go, wow, that's deep. Well, actually, it's kind of like obvious, but it's so obvious we can miss it. God's example, the head of the body leads and directs the body. Headship, leadership means oversight has been delegated by God and man is to take the initiative and responsibility and later give an account to God for his stewardship. I was reading a book, I've been a Christian 25, I've been right 25 years I think when I read it, maybe longer and it was talking about some of the aspects of headship and I was really convicted that I didn't take the initiative in some areas like I should. I was standing in my kitchen in my house and looking in the backyard and it was raining and some of our grandchildren left stuff in the yard. Someone needs to pick that up. I mean, who would that someone be? And I go, you dirty dog. You need to put on your slicker and go out in the yard and pick up those things. The grandchildren are gone. My children were gone. Am I going to ask my wife to go pick up the grandchildren's stuff in the yard? Leadership takes initiative. And I had to confess that too many times I did not. Common problems. Let's see. Well, no, let's back up one. This is important. 2B said that we have to give an account to God. 3 says Christian husbands must give an account to God for their headship leadership of both their wife, their children, their home, and their work. Hebrews 13, 17 says that we are to obey our leaders in the Lord and let their jobs be easy and not painful. That would be unhelpful for us because these are men who must give an account. Now the elders in the church have to give an account for you all. God is going to hold these men accountable for their sacred trust of watching over your souls. I feel sorry for pastors of megachurches. They don't even know the people who are in their churches. How in the world are they going to account for them on Judgment Day? What did you do with Mr. and Mrs. Peterson? Who? Mr. and Mrs. Peterson. Zach Peterson. 1212 Broadway. Don't know them. Well, it will be tragic because they can't give an account for their stewardship of these people. But husbands have to give an account for their wives and their children. I've said this before, but on Judgment Day, He's not going to drag out youth pastors and pastors and say, what did you do with their kids? God's going to say to you, what did you do with your kids? What did you do with your wife? Now, as a pastor, I'm to shepherd and to watch over all of you, but God's not going to hold me accountable for how you did or did not read and love your wife. He's going to hold you accountable. Common problems regarding a husband's headship and leadership. Headship exercises authority. That is not authoritarian. You know, if you wear monogrammed shirts and say, I'm the head of this home, you're probably not. Okay, if you have to go out of the home, I'd be bad. I'd be bad. I'm the head of my home. No ideas there, Kirk. Maybe you can get him a T-shirt. I'd be bad. There is such a thing as authoritarian leadership where I saw a couple come into our church and I could tell by how his wife dutifully walked behind him with her head down and the children walked behind her with their head down that this man ruled his home with an iron fist because they were an unhappy people made to come to church, made to sit in this, oh, I work for a Baptist, I have a well-ordered home. Man, I wouldn't want to live in that home. They just wore a bunch of sad sacks. They looked miserable. He was an authoritarian leader. And he was a poor leader. Headship is not omni-competence. What does that mean? You can ask for help. Because you're responsible for everything. If you go to the CEO of a corporation, do you do everything in this corporation? No. But you're responsible for it. Yes, but I don't do everything. I don't do the books, and I don't do security, and I don't do production, and I don't do sales, and I don't do marketing. I'm responsible that all these things get done. You know, if my wife didn't keep our books, I would have a prison ministry. You know, something like that. I can delegate that to her. I did it for the first few years of our life. She's done it since. She's done it with a much better job. In other words, it can ask for help. It can delegate but doesn't dump. You know, dear, I don't feel led to take out the garbage. You want to do that? That's not one of those, you know, telling your wife she must take out the garbage because you're the head of their home. That's not cool. I don't do diapers, honey. Yes, you do. Headship is not a democracy determined by counting heads. Okay, how many of you want to obey God in this and how many of you want to keep doing things the way we've been doing them? You know, you just have to determine what does God say. At times, it may be unpopular. Sometimes you have to take a stand. Maybe your wife's coming along, but she's not there. Maybe your kids or your teenagers aren't there. Oh, we don't like doing this. We like doing that. I hear you. I love you. I can appreciate what you're saying, but we're going to start doing this. Oh, you're a terrible dad. Oh, really? I'm sorry. Let's go back to doing what you want to do. Is that going to be a good thing? Headship communicates. It can explain itself and be asked questions. Okay, honey, you got a job change and we're moving to Borneo. I've seen that on National Geographic. It looks kind of primitive. I'd just be interested to know why you want to go to Borneo before we pass the Habakkuk. Is there any woman here who wouldn't want a long explanation of why you're going to Borneo with your husband? Okay. In other words, he can be asked questions. It's not insubordinate to ask questions. Headship knows that sometimes it will be unloved and unappreciated, but it's faithful anyway. On some days, you're not everybody's favorite person because you took a stand that people aren't happy with, but you just have to do it. Headship calls rebellious, unrepentant family members to account before God, and if necessary, before the church and its duly constituted leadership, the elders. I once knew a man who He was very sad. His wife ruled the house and he couldn't do anything about it, he thought. And we talked to him about that and he said, but she always wins. I can't get her ever to submit to me. So I just go along. But he sniped at her and made snide remarks to her all the time, but she ruled the house. And if he couldn't get her to submit, then he needed to have help, but he didn't need to snipe at her and he didn't need to take some other... he didn't need to give in to her and then take an unhelpful path of being verbally abusive. Why is biblical manhood critical for biblical parenting? Passive Christian husbands who do not leave their wives and children, and in parallel, having unsubmissive wives, model rebellion to their children each and every day. Both husband and wife are modeling that they will not submit to God's appointed roles. And guess what? God is not mocked. What a man sows, he reaps. So guess what? Such parents always produce rebels as children. I started watching this in 1985 and the empirical evidence was all of the children of these kinds of couples were I'm not going to submit to this man. You're crazy. I'm not going to submit to him. I don't feel comfortable leading. I'll let her lead. Or something to that effect. 100% of their children were rebels. Why? Because they were discipled to it 24-7. You know, if you think about it, if there's a command in scripture and you say, I'm not going to do that, that's rebellion. But the most fundamental command is, I created you and I created your gender, and there's certain things you're to be as your gender. I'm not going to do that. Rebellion doesn't get much more fundamental. I'm not going to be the head of my home, and I'm not going to man up, and I'm not going to take leadership. And I'm not going to submit to him, and I'm not going to do what he says, I'm going to do my own thing. That's about as fundamental as rebellion can be. But what happens is the kids watch that, and no matter how well we presented church, hey bro, how's it going? Good to see you, yeah, whatever. And they see the fluff of church, but they don't see the reality at home, and we raise rebels. Children cannot get over the double talk, confusion of father and mother modeling the opposite of what they profess. God is opposed to the proud, but give grace to the humble. And if you're a rebel, that means you're proud. Passive, compliant Adam and rebellious, independent Eve had an ungodly rebel of a son who murdered their godly son after they already plunged the planet into ruin. I'm not saying, as some of them have interpreted what I said a minute ago wrongly, I'm not saying the rebellious kids can't become Christians. But, rebellion is not automatic. Western civilization, America, Canada, Northern Europe, Australia, New Zealand, English speaking world that used to be Protestant, is under the judgment of God. We're in Romans 1, we're down to about verse 30. The cultures are being devastated, okay? But adolescent or teenage rebellion is not worldwide. You guys say, well teenagers they always rebel, they always do their own thing. No they don't. And many cultures of the world, they get along fine with their parents. Because their parents haven't gone down the same road that western civilization parents have gone. And how we do parenting and family. And you can actually sit at the table with your unregenerate, not yet saved teenager. And you can have warm loving relationships, even if they're not saved yet. They don't have to be saved for you to get on with each other. The Word of God and empirical evidence show the overwhelming importance of a faithful father to the life and well-being of the children. You can do all the sociological studies. I've read several of them. You can read the books. The biggest impact on the life of a child is its father. You kind of go, well, I gave birth to that kid and I nursed it for the first so many months. Well, I wouldn't want to take, you know, how many of you didn't have parents? Well, we all had parents. We all needed each parent. But, in the way God so ordained things, that kids think God is like their dad, only bigger. Now, I can be a good example of what the God in heaven is like, or I can be a bad example. The only way we know what a good father is like is because we have a standard for measuring good fathers, and that's our Father in heaven. Some people say, well, my dad was a rotten blankety-blank, blank, blank, blank, blank. I don't want to have anything to do with him. I'm very sorry. Obviously bitter. The only way you can know that your father didn't measure up is because there was a standard that he didn't meet. And that standard is none other than God himself. God tells us what a father is to be like. And he is that father to us. Passive-compliant fathers create passive-compliant sons who look for a strong woman to tell them what to do and they create daughters who are looking for a weak man to control. Ouch. Unloving harsh fathers spoil their image of manhood to their sons and their daughters. True biblical manhood is so distorted as to make it unattractive and even repulsive. I had a dad call me a couple of weeks ago and tell me that his daughter is flirting with homosexuality in junior high because of the awful, awful, awful things that went on in their home. Not that she was ever molested or anything, but just that he was so out of control as a father and so verbally, in other ways, abusive to his wife and their daughter said, well, if that's what marriage is like, I want no part of it. If that's what it's like to be related to a man, I don't want no part of it. I'll check out women. Fathers who are unfaithful to oversee and be involved in the development of their children impair their children's personal growth and harm their future lives. You know your kids best. What you think of them and what you think of their possibilities of doing X, Y, Z has a huge impact on them. Dr. Meg Meeker, I mentioned earlier, she has a couple of books in the bibliography. She had graduated from college, she had applied to five med schools, hadn't gotten into any. This is in the introduction to her book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. I'm almost done. I'm almost done. I would cry too. I would cry too. You're being patient. She doesn't have to leave. And she said, I was really discouraged I'd gotten four no's and I just knew the fifth one was going to say no. I guess med school wasn't for me and I wasn't going to become a doctor. And that was it, and I was on my way to his, he had an office in his home. And I went to his, to talk with him, because my dad was a wise man, I was important, what he thought. As I reached, the door was ajar, and I put my hand on the knob, and he was on the phone, and I paused, and he was talking to a friend of his. He goes, oh yeah, Meg did great in college, and she's applied to med school, and I know she's going to get accepted any day, and she's going to do great. She'll be a great doctor. And she stopped, and she said, if my dad thinks so highly of me, maybe I need to reconsider quitting. And the next day she got an acceptance to med school and now she's been a pediatric and adolescent doctor for 30 years. But her dad's impact and what she thought of herself and her possibilities was very important. Dads, your kids look to you that way. Studies show that children think God is like their father, only greater. How sad that a father who is not faithful nor repents when he sins. So he must be God because he never does anything wrong. So he never has to say I'm sorry. Greatly distorts what the father is like. God the father is not like any human father. Rather human fathers are to be like God. The only basis we have for judging whether a father is good or bad is our heavenly father, not vice versa. You can't say whether your earthly father was good or bad without a heavenly father as the standard. And a word to disappointed children, even if your earthly father was far from perfect, you can only know that because you can compare him against the standard he did not meet. And that standard is your perfect loving father in heaven. Checklist. Just before you step in front of the train. How am I doing as a sacrificial lover? There's a checklist. Now, wives, don't snatch it from this hand and go, you know, honey, I've been looking at this list myself and you need to work on it. This is for the guys. Give them a week, okay? Don't just say, I've got my own list. How am I doing as a practical lover? Let him work on it. Let him work on it for a week. Because you're not going to like it if tomorrow he snatches it from your hand, your checklist. You are doing this and this and this. How am I doing as the head of my home? And this will give you some concrete things to think about and to pray about. And I'd say, sit down with your spouse sometime down the road and say, you know, I've been working on this and the Spirit of God's been pointing some things out. Now I would say this, put a check by those things you know you definitely need to work on. Put a question mark by one you say, I don't know if I need to work on this or not. And then later on, you might not see it, but three days later, oh definitely, I need to put a check by that one, I forgot about this. Okay? But maybe it's not, and if it's not a problem, don't put a check by it. Okay? And then, like I said, a few days down the road, a week, sit down with your spouse and say, well, let's talk about, this is what I see, is there anything else that you wanted to talk about? And see what she has to bring up. And wives be nice. Because ladies, he's going to talk to you about you next, so you have to be nice to him. I tried to play around with this a little bit. This is hard stuff, but this is where we live. I love my wife. She's my best friend in the whole world. I love my kids. I'm close to my kids. I can't imagine not being close to my wife. I can't imagine not being close to my kids. And I want that for you. When I drive down to South Georgia, I used to teach a class, seminary class in Jessup. I would drive through all these towns, if you drive 341 from where I live in South Atlanta all the way down, 341 all the way down to Jessup, go through all these small towns, and I would pray over every small town. Pray over Hawkinsville and Roberta and all those places. And I would pray two things, that God would raise up somebody there to preach the gospel with love and power and the Holy Spirit, and that somebody would teach them about how great the Christian home can be. Because there's nothing more precious than being in a loving home, and nothing more precious than being in a biblical, spiritual church. Let's pray. Father, we've got a long time tonight. It's Friday night. Guys are tired from work. Gals are tired from a week of doing their responsibilities. I pray that you'd help us to think about these things. The Spirit of God can help us to be clear about things we need to work on. If the devil starts moving in and tries to unrighteously Yell and scream at us and call us names. That's not the Spirit of God, but it's the accuser of the brethren seeking to make us under a pile. Lord, give us wisdom and discernment as we talk husband and wife with each other about ways we can grow. You have created a light here in South Georgia. You have shown people the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. I pray that you would show them more and more about Christian marriage The people in the community might say, you know, those sovereign grace people, they are weird, weird, weird in what they believe. But they have the best marriages and the best families and they are happy people. I'm tempted to want what they have. Lord, would you make yourself glorified in these marriages and families. For Jesus' sake we pray. Amen.