Well, let's take our Bibles now, and in the New Testament, be turning this evening to 2 Corinthians chapter 5. 2 Corinthians chapter 5, we're going to be looking in particular at what Paul says in verses 14 to 18. 2 Corinthians chapter 5, verses 14 to 18. And tonight, we are doing something that's a little bit unusual for us, maybe not without precedent, but it's not something we do very often, at least. And that is we're continuing the same theme from the morning to the evening. And that is to continue reflecting upon some ideas that we began to introduce this morning and that we will more fully elaborate this evening with regard to a covenantal and typological understanding of the marriage relationship. And as we've said both last week and this morning again, our particular concern may be with the relationship of marriage, but really principally, we're just talking about the gospel. We're talking about how the gospel informs and influences relationships that we have among men. So we could as easily be talking about the gospel plan for parenting or the gospel plan for living in relationship with other people, whether it's in places of business, in our extended family, or even in the church. But tonight, I want you to think particularly about questions of identity and idolatry and how those are particularly expressed in the context of the marriage relationship. Although these questions of identity and idolatry really have broad application and really go to the very heart of how we see ourselves and what God has done in making us. Before we read God's word, let's bow and ask him to bless the reading and preaching of it. Our Heavenly Father, as we take up your word again, we pray that you would give strength to our minds, that we might be able to focus and be attentive upon what you would say to us as your people by your spirit. And that though we as men and women are fallible, we are frail and easily err when we endeavor to study your word, we pray that your spirit would not be constrained by our own fallibility. but would rather speak and apply truth in our hearts that would be a blessing to our souls and a blessing in our homes, in our lives, and particularly in our marriages, O God. We pray in Jesus' name, amen. Hear now God's word, 2 Corinthians 5, beginning at verse 14. For the love of Christ controls us because we have concluded this, that one has died for all, therefore all have died. And he died for all that those who live might no longer live for themselves, but for him who for their sake died and was raised. From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself. Thus far, the reading of God's word. May he add his blessing to it. If I ask you the question, who are you? Or if you self-reflectively ask the question, who am I? I will tell you that the way in which you answer that question will determine a great deal about your life. Now, many people think that just the opposite is true. They will say, no, my life will determine how I answer that question. In other words, to answer the question, who am I? I have to see what's going on in my life. What are the particular circumstances that God has brought about in His sovereign providence in my life? And then I can say, well, that's who I am. I'm Kirstie's husband, I'm the father of my five children, I'm the pastor of this church, this is who I am. But I'm going to suggest tonight that that is not, in fact, the correct way to think about it. Now, there is one sense, obviously, in which the circumstances of our life and the particular roles we are called to play in life in the present age do contribute to part of this answer. Who am I can include by extension the various roles and responsibilities that I have in the present age. I don't get to make up my identity. Who I am is not determined by my choice as if by the force of will I can actualize a chosen identity or destiny. And this is a philosophical and specifically ontological question that's very important in Western society right now. It's hotly debated, I know, but who I am determines a great deal about my life and how I live it. My fundamental identity has consequences, and it is very important for the people of God to reflect upon who we are, whose we are, and what the outcome of that identity will be, because essentially the message of sanctification in the New Testament is know who you are and live like it. Know who you are in Christ. know how you are loved by God, and then go act like it. Go live in light of that basic identity, that basic truth about yourself. Now, in this lesson, I want to explore the question of identity in marriage. Who am I and who is my spouse? And how should the answers to these questions impact my attitude and actions with regard to our relationship. And I'll tell you, this may again not be without precedent, but I think we can say that this is probably not standard fare in most marriage books and marriage seminars. But what I want to suggest to you tonight is that marriage problems, like all sin, are generally rooted in idolatry. And that idolatry is the outworking of defective and unbiblical ideas about identity. And if I could only suggest one thing for you to take home tonight, it might be that idea. That idolatry is rooted in defective and unbiblical ideas about identity, whether personally or with regard to other people in my life. or with regard to certain things in my life. How we see ourselves and how we see our spouse reveals either a biblical and spiritual orientation to the relationship, or it will disclose an underlying idolatry that is corrosive and will ultimately be destructive to it. There's a lot of material I want to go through tonight. That's one of the reasons I just put the notes in the back tonight, rather than letting the different people, the ladies, divide them up. But I want to go through this as efficiently as we can, but hopefully there will be ideas that you will take home and chew on more than what we have time to discuss tonight. First of all, to think about identity in marriage, we need to think about ourselves individually. Who am I and how do I view myself with regard to this relationship? Many people make an idol out of marriage and family relationships. I've told the story before of a woman I counseled some years ago, over 10 years ago now, who was depressed to the point of complete dysfunction. Her family circumstances were such that she had had a fairly large number of children. Most of them were grown and gone and out of the house. Her youngest child was going through a rebellious period. And when I sat down with this woman, she was almost completely dysfunctional and said that she had largely lost her purpose in life. That she saw no real point in living anymore because her identity had always been rooted in her role as a wife and a mother. And now, since a big part of that role had changed, her life was seemingly without meaning. What I want to suggest to you is that popular Western culture reinforces that kind of an idolatrous approach to human identity. But even popular evangelical culture can, if we're not careful, unwittingly reinforce the same. We can learn to think about this in unbiblical and unhelpful ways, perhaps because of a genuine biblical concern to emphasize family roles. To say husbands need to be concerned about their wives, engaged with their wives, not checked out, not just all about their careers and their hobbies and their friends, but really attached to their wives, attentive to their wives and to their children. And wives need to be concerned to be godly helpers to their husbands and mothers to their children. And yet that emphasis may, in fact, cause some to have an idolatrous fixation upon a role that is not central to identity. In Western culture, we see romantic love associated with the idea of completing or fulfilling individual partners. The expression, I need you, is a very flattering and completely false expression of endearment. I need you. That's not that's not technically true. It may make your spouse or your romantic partner feel good to hear those words from you. But brothers and sisters, it is simply wrong. If a person believes he cannot live without his spouse and that life would not be worth living without her, then it's no surprise that many widowers decide that life is not worth living and fall into serious depression and even some contemplate suicide. And I don't want you to misunderstand tonight in talking about these things. That is not to say that depression is an abnormal response to the loss of a loved one. In fact, it's a very normal response and in some ways it would be a healthy response to respond with some grief and sorrow and a depressed spirit for a time. We should not glibly move on immediately after a cherished spouse has died, and if we're able to do that, we may question how intimate that relationship really was that we can so easily let it go. But it is to say that many of us have been conditioned by Western culture to believe something about our marriage that is simply wrong, and that is that it is necessary for our fulfillment as human beings. That romantic love, that romantic relationship is ultimately contributing to our meaning in life. That makes an idol out of our spouse and our marriage. And marriage is a good thing. And a good spouse is a blessing from God for which we should give thanks. But as we've said before, if you take good things and you try to make them ultimate things, they become idols that will burn you. They become idols that will harm you. This is not a harmless thought. It is placing your spouse in a position that only Christ can occupy. For you to say, I need you, for you to say life would not be worth living without you, you better be speaking to the Lord. This is the prayer of Asaph in Psalm 73. Whom have I in heaven but you? There is nothing I desire on earth besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." And again and again you see the psalmist and the prophet speaking in ways that say, as much as I may love the people in my life, the only person I need in my life is the Lord. He ultimately is my strength, my joy, my peace, my comfort. I don't want to be without my wife. I don't want to be without my children. I don't look forward with any anticipation to that day at all, if that day ever occurs. But I want to remind myself of this truth continually, that all I need is Christ. And all of the other blessings that God may give to me are reasons to give him thanks. But we should not take those good gifts of God and make them into ultimate realities because they are not and they cannot be that for us. Is your identity rooted in your relationship to your spouse or maybe to your children or to some other position that you have in a human family? What I would say to you is that that is a movable foundation. You are building on sand. It may last for many, many years. It may even last your entire lifetime, but it is not an eternal foundation on which to build your identity because we are not Mormons. We recognize that the human family does not persist into eternity. Our families are special. but they are only shadows. They are temporal signs which point to an eternal substance. And unfortunately, as many of us know by experience, family connections oftentimes will not continue throughout our earthly life. Marriages end in divorce or in death. Parents and children are separated by death or by estrangement. How many seniors in our own area have you known who have not seen or spoken to their family in many years? This is one of the reasons I'm on call at a local hospital, is because there are people out here who die alone. And the hospital needs to call a pastor to come and hold their hand until they do. It's not that they don't have family. It's that they have no family that is concerned enough to be there when they die, either because of estrangement or because of some other reason that prevents their attendance. And if your identity is grounded in temporal relationships, no matter how sincere you may be in that, you are embracing a form of idolatry. Your true identity is not as someone's child or spouse or parent, your identity is in Jesus Christ. And if this was not a marriage series, then we would apply this in a host of different ways. Especially to men, we would say your identity is not rooted in your job. Because that's how men typically tend to define themselves. And it's why early death shortly after retirement is not at all uncommon statistically. Men come home from work and they feel like they've lost their purpose and they get sick and they die many times. Women more often tend to root their identity in family relationships, especially in their children, maybe later in their grandchildren. But sisters in Christ, that is not the basis of your identity either. As special as that relationship is, as important as that role is, that's not your identity. Your identity is in Christ. Well, what about my spouse? How do I view my spouse? Who is he or she? Well, these questions of identity and idolatry extend to how we view other people. Do you see your spouse as the absolutely necessary part of your earthly experience? The one person that you cannot live without? And if you have done that with your spouse, you've confused him or her with someone else who is to be your true delight and the savior of your soul. Other people would say, no, I don't see my spouse in that fashion. I don't look at my spouse as an idol because my spouse is my greatest adversary in the present age. This is the person that makes my life miserable. She or he is the primary obstacle to my joy and peace. And it is sometimes the case that the spouse will be the greatest adversary that we have. That's sad to see, but it's certainly not unheard of. That's a tragic reality for many people, even many Christians. But if you think that your spouse can rob you of joy and peace in Christ, then you are thinking that your spouse is capable of something that they are not. You are attributing to them a power that I assure you they do not possess. Your spouse may be a thorn in your side. Your spouse may be a great trial that you must bear and an instrument, a difficult providence, a hard providence that God uses instrumentally for your sanctification. But if you think about Romans chapter eight, verses 31 to 39, and what Paul says there, neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor ungodly spouses can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus, our Lord. These questions about identity and idolatry also extend to the third person point of view. How do I think others view me? And what do they think that I am? And when you shift to a third-person point of view, you sometimes find previously undetected idols in your own heart, and especially with regard to your desire for the praise of men. See, I need you to know that I have a great marriage because I'm a good husband. And how could I not be? I'm the pastor. I know the doctrine of marriage. I counsel couples regularly. Therefore, Kirstie and I, well, basically we never disagree. I'm always patient. I'm never unkind. I am an amazing listener and a self-deceived shameless liar. We may not even realize how much we crave the praise and approval of men, but how honest we are or are not with regard to our marriages may help us discover that desire. And I don't mean that when you come into worship on the Lord's Day and someone says, how are you doing? How are things at home that you need to air all of your dirty laundry of disagreements with your spouse whenever someone asks that kind of a question? But how open would you be to seeking the elders counsel with regard to your marriage? How honest would you be if the pastor during a home visit asked, how are you doing? You see, I know how reluctant I am in that kind of a situation. I don't want to discuss those kind of problems, even with my elders. And the reason I don't is pride. I don't want other people to think that I have problems. No. I want everyone else to believe that someone else has the problem. There is an undetected form of idolatry. And when we extend this one more step, we think about, how do other people see my spouse and how he or she reflects upon me? Sometimes the idolatry of public perception and approval plays a major factor in how I view and treat my spouse in public. It tempts us to belittle our spouses, either for a laugh or to elicit sympathy. Jokes at the expense of your spouse are not funny even if you don't mean it to be cruel. Complaining about your spouse in front of friends is neither appropriate nor wise. And the reason that we do those kinds of things is because we want to build ourselves up and in that moment it seems like the best way to build myself up is to pull someone else down. And in this case, it would be my spouse. And there may be all kinds of legitimate criticisms to make of your spouse. I'm sure that whereas your body is amazing and you are smart, funny, always successful, you have an amazing personality. It's obvious to all of the rest of us that your spouse can never measure up to the high standard that you've set. But what I would suggest to you tonight is that whatever personal shortcomings your spouse may have, we should never learn about them from you. I should never have known about your spouse's shortcomings from you. And unfortunately, we are unguarded in those ways. We are too ready and willing. To complain, to belittle and to besmirch the person that of all people in the world we are supposed to beautify, we are supposed to consecrate, we are supposed to cherish and adore as our own flesh. That is the first person that we are willing to belittle and betray in terms of other relationships. Hopefully you've already picked up on the fact that I'm making a distinction tonight between the idea of identity and role. It's an important distinction. You must not conflate those two. Those two concepts are closely related to one another, but they are two distinctly different things. The particular roles we play in our various relationships and duties contribute in part to what we are in the present age, but those roles do not define our true identity. We're here making a distinction between true, i.e., created, redemptive, and eternal identity in Christ with the particular way in which that identity may be worked out in the context of the present age. Roles will change. They do not persist into the eschaton. I will not be your pastor in glory. I'm sure some of you are very excited about that. I will just be your brother, just your brother in the Lord. Serving as your pastor is an important part of what I do at the present time. It is not who I am fundamentally, right? It's part of what I am in the present age. I'm, in part, your pastor. But it's not who I am fundamentally, essentially. Who I am, what I am, is not defined by the role that I play. We are human beings, not human doings. And so we have to learn to distinguish what we do in a given relationship at a given point in time from who we are by God's grace in eternal relation to Him. And I realize that sometimes this gets conflated because we use the language of identity with regard to roles. And it's not necessarily wrong to do so. I may refer to myself as a husband, as a father, as a pastor, but we should not confuse these roles in relationship with our actual being as the children of God. So I am Kirstie's husband, and that is arguably the most important role that I play in the present age. It's an important part of who I am and what I do in the present age, but one day I will finish that service. And whereas Kiersey and I will remain in relationship in the age to come, that relationship will be as brother and sister in the Lord, not as husband and wife. We will be eternally children of God together in the same family, not defined by a romantic and covenantal connection. So how should I think about myself and my true identity? And that is a whole separate series of sermons. So let me give you the condensed version with regard to marriage itself. First, I am a redeemed sinner. I must always remember what I have been saved from and by what means that salvation has been effected. You see, this is part of what Paul is saying in our in our text tonight, second Corinthians five. He's saying because Christ died, because we have died, because in his resurrection we have been raised. Therefore, we don't regard anyone according to the flesh anymore. It's changed everything, everything. If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature, a new creation. Nothing is the same anymore. We may be sojourning in the present age, but we belong already to the age to come. We belong already to glory. And we are living an eschatological life in this temporal period. And more and more, what we're learning to do in our marriages is live here and now in light of there and then, because there and then is where we already belong. That's what Paul's saying. He's saying Christ's death and resurrection changes everything, changes who I am, changes how I see the world. I am a redeemed sinner. I have been delivered from God's wrath. and from eternal condemnation. I have been delivered from the pains of hell, delivered from the misery that I deserve, freed from bondage to sin and death. And the price of my deliverance was the blood of Jesus Christ. His life was sacrificed for me. He died in my place for the sins that I committed and do commit and will commit. Do you realize that? The sins that you are committing right now of which you may be unaware, the sins that you will commit this week. Jesus carried those sins in his own body on the tree, Peter says in first Peter chapter two. He died so that I might live and live there does not refer just to continual existence, but to truly live in the glory and joy of everlasting communion with God. So who am I? I am a redeemed sinner. I remain a sinner, but I am not defined by my sin. And this is where it becomes very real in terms of our marriages. Because the adversary will try to convince you that because of your failures, because of your weakness and your sin, that you are powerless to that sin, that you are defined and determined by that sin. And that affects my attitude in marriage and my experience of marriage. It will cause us perhaps to feel, to be puffed up with pride, to feel good when things are going well and to be bad, bitter and discouraged when things are difficult. And I'm not suggesting that you should be impervious to the ups and downs in your relationship. You should not be indifferent when there is strife and selfishness that is making life together difficult. But our discouragement should be tempered by the knowledge that Christ has already redeemed me from sin and death. That's what tempers that. That's what balances that. This is OK. We're at a tough point right now. My sin, her sin, we're just two sinners living together. We're broken people, and we're trying to make some, but if you put two broken things together, it doesn't create less brokenness. This is a tough point, but Christ has already redeemed us. Christ has already passed through judgment and carried us with him, united to him, through judgment into everlasting life. And so the sins at the present time cannot change that. The trouble at the present time cannot alter that in any way. I do sin, and I will continue to struggle and fail as a husband, but those failures do not and will not define me. I shall not die, but live. We will persevere because Christ shed his blood to save us, and therefore we will not be overcome by our sin. And you need to have that hope. You need to have that to ground you and keep you honest and upright as you are working through marital problems. It's easy to get turned upside down. It's easy to be so discombobulated by your sin and your stress and your strife and to think that everything is broken, everything is messed up, this can never be fixed at all. You say, no, no, no, no. Christ has already fixed this. You don't see that yet. We're seeking to live in light of that, and we're doing so poorly right now. But Christ has already overcome, and you are united to Him in that victory. Secondly, I am an adopted child of God. I am no longer an orphan. I am God's child. No matter what happens in my earthly relationships, the Lord cares for me, and that will not change. When my father and mother forsake me, as David says in Psalm 27, when my spouse treats me with contempt, when my children hate me, when my brethren shun me, when all the world seems to be against me, I am still comforted and sustained by knowing that my heavenly Father loves me and always will, that He will never abandon me. Do you know how many problems there are in our marriages because we are looking for love in all the wrong places? Somebody should write a song with that title. It's practically the caption for the latter part of the book of Genesis with Jacob's wives, right? You remember how Leah keeps trying to have a child and she thinks, if I have a son, Jacob will love me. Well, if I have two sons, Jacob will love me. If I have three sons, Jacob will love me. Finally, I have a fourth son and I say, I'll just praise the Lord. So she does. She is looking for love in the wrong places. Do you know how that pollutes marriages? Do you know how unhealthy a relationship that is? You see, if you think my sense of worth, my sense of peace, my sense of fulfillment depends on the level of affection that I feel from my spouse, well, that's going to be up and down, isn't it? That's going to change. That's going to vary over time. Because my spouse is a sinner just like me. I'm not going to do a good job giving them the love and consistent affection and attention that they need and desire. And they're not going to do a great job with me. But both of us are to know I am an adopted child of God. What more could I ask for? What greater love is there to ever find? We may become bitter, angry, resentful when our felt needs are not being met in marriage. But if we recognize that our true identity is rooted in an eternal relationship with the Heavenly Father, then we can be freed to a certain extent from the need for human expressions of love. And see, that's the kind of marital counsel that maybe we don't expect to hear and that we don't necessarily want to hear. Pastor, I don't feel like my wife or my husband is showing me the appropriate attention and affection. I just don't feel loved by them. And I'm sorry for that, by the way. That's shameful. Shame on them. Shame on them. They should be concerned to show you that love. But what can you do about that? You can't control them, but you know what you can do? You can recognize that your felt need for love is fully satisfied in the love of your Father in heaven. And everything beyond that is a bonus. Everything beyond that is a gratuitous blessing for which we can give God thanks. Yes, I desire to experience love from my parents, from my siblings, from my spouse, from my children, from my friends, but what can their love really give to me compared to the love of the triune God? Do we seriously think that, well, yes, I know that God loves me, and that's great, that's great, but what I really need, do you want to complete that sentence? What I really need is for my spouse to love me better. Because your spouse's love is so much more than what God has given you. My mate will not always meet my desires and expectations, and I will not always meet hers. But we can be content knowing that the love that we need, the love that human relationships can only typify, is the love of our Father in heaven. And without being Graphic or inappropriate, if you were here last Lord's Day, and as we read through Ezekiel chapter 16, hopefully you recognize that even the most intimate sexual love that is shared between a husband and a wife is only a type which points to the greater love of God for his people. Do you realize that? It's not something different. It is only a shadow pointing to substance. Third, I am a servant of Christ. Many of us live and act according to how we feel at a given moment. We say, well, I plan to get up early, but it's cold and dark, and I didn't sleep well, and the bed is so comfortable. Maybe just a few more minutes. I plan to work out, but I'm already tired and still sore from last time, and I don't want to overdo it. I intend to read the Bible today and review my memory for work, but I think I simply need a break and I just need to probably rest in front of the TV for a while. The Bible does recommend rest. Many of us are just simply lazy. We're soft and weak. We are guided by rationalizations rather than rules. We don't like duty when it confronts and conflicts with our desires. But the Bible talks in terms of duty and it calls us to a life of discipline and diligence. No one can be a disciple without discipline. The two go hand in hand. How does that influence the question of identity in our practice of marriage? Well, if I know that I am a servant of Jesus Christ, that it is not merely something I do, but it is who and what I am, then I will more readily endeavor to do God's will in my marriage because that is who I am. That is what I am made to do, is obey God. I'm not supposed to be a loving and attentive husband because I like my wife. I'm supposed to be a loving and attentive husband because my Lord, the king commands it. And it's not about how I feel. Right. The person comes to me and says, Pastor, I've fallen out of love with my spouse. I say, I'm sorry, but I have good news. You can repent of that. Your love for your spouse is not about how you feel. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy, does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own. Love is about behavior. Love is about attitude and orientation. Love is about selfless service. You say, I've fallen out of love with my spouse. What does that even mean? You realize how unusual it is in the history of the world and even in the world that we live in at this point in time, how unusual it is that we Americans try to marry the people that we love rather than trying to learn how to love the people that we marry. It makes a difference. Fourth, I am an heir of all things. Why are we not content? And the answer is always, it doesn't matter what context we're talking about, we are not content because we believe that we deserve more and better than what we have. It's because we have too much pride and too little gratitude. And so the world is able to fascinate us by showing us shiny things that we say, oh, I must have that. If I only had more money, if I had a newer car, if I had a nicer house, if I had more appreciation, if I had more of what the world has to offer, then I would be happy. Then I would be satisfied. But in Christ Jesus, you are an heir of everything. Do you understand that you possess all things you look at Luke chapter 16 here is the rich man He is living his life in the lap of luxury and he dies and he goes to hell And he longs for Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water to cool my tongue for I am in agony in this flame. And Lazarus, who is a beggar living on the street, whose body is full of sores, who is licked by dogs, he has absolutely no advantages in the present age, and he dies and is carried by the angels to Abraham's bosom and is in perfect comfort and love and peace. How can we be discontent? in our present experience of life. I understand saying pain is not pleasant. I would like the pain to stop. Yes, indeed. Yes, indeed. It helps us long for heaven all the more, doesn't it? My life would be easier and better if if my needs were more fully met. Yes, indeed. And I will join you in praying that that would indeed be the case. It helps us long for heaven, doesn't it? But how can I be truly discontent and say what God has appointed for me right now is just not enough? That's what I'm saying. Your providence is not enough. I deserve more and better than what you have decided to give me. And so we trade the world for temporary enjoyment of decaying treasure. We will not wait. What does Paul say in First Corinthians chapter three? Therefore, let no one boast in men, for all things are yours. Whether Paul, or Apollos, or Cephas, or the world, or life, or death, or things present, or things to come, all are yours. And you are Christ's, and Christ is God's. Are you dissatisfied with what you receive from your spouse right now? Are you frustrated by how poorly he or she loves you? How inconsistently or rarely he or she serves you? How thoughtlessly he or she neglects you? What can he or she offer you in comparison to what you already possess in Jesus Christ? What more can you want? Now, I realize that part of what happens, and I've seen this happen many times in counseling situations, I'll be talking this way to a spouse normally when I have one spouse sitting in front of me. They say, no, pastor, what I need you to do is fix my spouse. You know, the one that's not here right now. Like I could fix your spouse even if they were here. But what in the world am I supposed to say to your spouse if they're not here? All I can do is talk to you. Who does the word of God address? The word of God we said this morning doesn't address me about my wife's responsibilities. The word of God addresses me about my responsibilities. And sometimes people hear this kind of counsel and they say, well, you're acting as if it's okay that my spouse behaves in these ways. No, no, no, no, that's not what we're saying. But what we are saying is what Jesus would say to Peter, to John in John, chapter 21. You remember after the resurrection and Jesus is saying to Peter, when you are old, men will bind you and carry you where you don't want to go. And John says he was talking to Peter about what form his death would take. And Peter turns and sees John and he says, well, what about him? And Jesus says, what does that have to do with you? You follow me. C.S. Lewis would portray this allegorically in the Chronicles of Narnia in this way. Aslan will repeatedly in the stories remind important characters, I never tell you someone else's story. All you have to concern yourself is with your story. What more can you want than what Jesus has given you? What else do you think that you need? Every act of kindness from your spouse is a blessing from God. Be content with God's good gifts and give thanks for whatever else you receive. There's a lot more that we need to say, but let me just finish with just a brief statement about how you should view your spouse. What we've already said is not enough. And what I would suggest is that if we were drawing this out over weeks, in conversations and private counseling sessions, we might talk more specifically about how do I think about a husband biblically? How do I think about a wife biblically? And there's certainly more that could be said about that. But let me just give you three ideas that whether it's a male or a female, these are appropriate. If you're married to a believer, your spouse is a child of God the Father. And the question is, how should you love a son or daughter of the king? Because if you're married to a believer, that's who you're married to. How might you think differently and speak differently and act differently toward your spouse if you kept that relationship in mind? To say that your spouse's father is the king of the universe, right? He's the creator of all things. He's the judge of all the earth. You're married to the prince or the princess. How are you going to address that person? Secondly, your spouse is a brother and sister, brother or sister in Christ. Peter instructs husbands to live with their wives with understanding as fellow heirs of the grace of life in 1 Peter 3, 7. Your spouse may be your spouse right now, but already he or she is something more precious and everlasting than that. If you're married to a believer, you are married to your brother or sister in the family of God. That is the eternal relationship that you already share, and it is a relationship that ought to inform how you live at the present time. So might you deal with your spouse differently if you thought more often of that truth? To say, listen, this is my brother or my sister in the Lord. Maybe that's why we fight so much, right? I was always arguing with my sister when I was growing up, and maybe that's why I argue with my wife now, right? Or vice versa. Third, your spouse is a priest of God Most High who is indwelt by the Holy Spirit. Your spouse is holy. He or she has been consecrated by God. If you're married to a believer, that person is indwelt by the Holy Spirit who is a witness to every thought, word, and deed that passes between you. And he is the one who enables you to walk in love and live at peace with one another. Your spouse is a priest of God most high who is growing in the grace and discipline of worship that will be his or her occupation throughout eternity in the new heavens and earth. And how might you speak to God's priest if you thought of him or her that way? How differently might your relationship be conducted if you meditated on the presence of the Holy Spirit in your relationship? I know how it is, especially when you've got young children. I mean, both of you are just trying to survive. You're just trying to get through the day, right? All the kids are still alive and reasonably clean and sort of well-fed, and that's a win. That's great. Put them to bed, and tomorrow we'll do it all over again. But if you realize that your spouse is a priest of God, who is preparing for eternity, an eternity of worship. How are you going to live with that person? How are you going to love that person? How are you going to serve that person? How are you going to come alongside that person and say, I want to make sure that you've got time, honey, to pray. I want to make sure that you've got time to read your Bible. I want you to make sure that you know that I am here to support you and love you and help you because you know something, brothers, your wife is not defined by the fact that she's the mama of your kids. She's defined by the fact that she's the child of the king. And sisters, your husband is not defined by the fact that he's the breadwinner for your family. He's defined by the fact that he is a servant of Jesus Christ. Don't confuse his role and his true identity. Knowing who I am helps me to know how to live in the present age. Confusion on this point is both the reason for and the result of idolatry that will weaken my walk and corrupt every relationship in which I confuse roles and real identity. I have to learn to think of myself and my spouse biblically as God teaches me to think. And I can do that only as the Holy Spirit renews my mind so that I learn to think Christianly and then hope and endeavor by God's grace to begin to live Christianly in the covenant of marriage.