That's absolutely the truth. And those of you who love the Lord, which hopefully is every one of you and who know the Lord, wonderful to trust and obey. Tonight, we're going to be looking at the book of Ephesians chapter six. Ephesians chapter six, looking at verses one through three, how I have a burden for our children. Miss Charity, week in and week out, has a great responsibility to teach our children. And my kids learn so much and things I haven't taught them. And they they come out with it. And I say, where did you learn that? And I find out that they're learning with Lords Club and Sunday School. And I thank God for the dedicated people that do that week in and week out. And I have a burden that our children would come to know Jesus Christ. How many of our children in this church know Christ as Savior? Now, I can't save them and you cannot save them. But oh, what a burden we all ought to have that our children come to know Jesus Christ. It ought to break our hearts that the majority of the children in this church are absolutely lost and on their way to hell. And let's not get over that. Let's not try to forget that. Let's always put that in front of our noses. They might be cute. They might know the Bible. But until they are born again, they are headed to hell. And we must be burdened about that. We must be always continually praying, understanding that the Holy Spirit can do a magnificent work in their heart, Sometimes they have so much of the Word of God, and yet they need us to pray. Even as I said this morning, they need us to weep for them because that is when God works in the heart. Now, it is amazing how a child develops. By the way, we're in Ephesians chapter 6, if I didn't say that. And this chapter is all about, at the beginning, the first four verses is all about children. And when children are very young, they develop rapidly. It is absolutely amazing to see the formation of a child in the first five years. In fact, you watch a child and they develop and they grow in their vocabulary. They learn first to say, remember this? They said, mama. Remember the first time your son or your daughter said mama? Or maybe their first word was Dada, normally it's not that way. Or maybe their first word is no. I think my children's first word was, it's mine. They learn those things very quickly. And before you know it, they develop intellectually and they start to get the laws of grammar past tense. And instead of saying, I thought, they say, I thinked. They understand it logically better than we do. I mean, our language is a little bit illogical. They're pretty brilliant, actually. One time when Katie was four years old, we were teaching Kristen, who was two years old, that this was a forehead. And I said, Kristen, this is a forehead. And Katie said, no, I have a forehead. You have a 30 head. I mean, they get it logically. I was 30 years old, that was five years ago. They get it. I mean, they develop, they understand things. It's amazing to watch them grow. They develop physically. You bring a baby home, you sit them on a blanket on their tummy, they don't go anywhere. And you think, these young mothers, they think, oh, this is great. I think I'll have 10 of them, you know? And you should want to have 10 of them. After that first month or so, they start rolling over, and that roll turns into a crawl. And you find out that those safety things on the cabinets don't work. They grow. They're able to open those things up. And pretty soon, they're able to walk. And if you're in my house, you'll learn to close Like I had to learn, he'd learn to close the basement door. That's very important because they can walk and roll down the stairs. It's not a good thing. But you know, before you know it, little junior is running and climbing trees and peeling the wallpaper off of your walls, right? Because they grow physically amazing. I mean, they do feats. that we can't even imagine physically. Don't know how they do that. They fall and it doesn't, I mean they get right back up and it doesn't hardly faze them at all. In fact, actually the thing about Evan and the basement door is a true story. I was supposed to be watching him and he actually fell down the stairs and he was not hurt at all. So, you know, I didn't use that in my argument with my wife, but he really wasn't. It's amazing. Their bones are like rubber. It's amazing. Now, don't put that to the test. Please use adult supervision if you're going to do that. But they develop so quickly physically and also spiritually. Even though they are dead in their trespasses and sins, they have a conscience and The purpose really of Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1 through 4 is to develop the conscience of the child so that they will Come to know Christ Because the law is given here and this is a wonderful way. We're going to find out to preach the gospel By the way, is there anyone that needs a handout that doesn't have one tonight? You're looking on with somebody else you want your own anyone that needs a handout? Okay By the way, I may not cover everything in the handout, but I wanted you to have it because I think the material is very practical. And so we have to realize that laying the foundation of authority in a child's life is essential to the gospel. Why? Because what is the first person you ask when you find a person on the street that doesn't know Christ? You say, do you know that one day you're going to stand before God when you die? That's a question of authority. Do you know that there is an authority above you that you're going to give an account to? Now, God has vested authority, delegated authority to every father and mother to demonstrate that one day judgment day is coming and essentially to point us to the gospel even as Paul told Timothy that the Holy Scriptures would make him, which they're able to make him wise unto salvation through faith, which is in Christ Jesus. And it was his mother and his grandmother that brought him through the scriptures from a child so that he could know Christ as Savior. Tonight, we're going to look at the fact that there is great potential for good. and great potential for harm in child-rearing. We're going to look at the primary key of child-rearing, which is establish your authority in the home. You must establish your authority in the home. I'm not saying you need to be a dictator. No way. Neither do you need to be a doormat. There is a loving, humble, meek, firmness in the home At the same time of expressing love, it expresses control and authority, God's authority in the home. I want you to think of your role as mother and father, as a shepherd. As a shepherd, you're calling, you're calling the sheep. But there are times when you must physically move those sheep away from danger for their own good. And so there is a loving firmness that we're going to see. How do you establish control in the home? How do you establish your authority in the home? This is done through many ways in contemporary culture. When a child asks, why should I obey you? The normal answer is, That's a Christian answer. But the normal answer is because because I said so, because I said so and because I said so. And and that's enough. And you can stop talking now and obey me because I said so. But that's ungodly, isn't it? Because I'm not the authority. Who is the authority? God is the authority. The reason children should obey. Listen, children, this is one of those verses that was written right for you. This is a sermon. for you. So all the children here tonight, I want you to look right here in the pastor's eyes. I want you to look right here and I want you to hear this. Children, obey your parents in the Lord. Not because I said so. Not because mom and dad said so. Obey them in the Lord for this is right. And the Lord establishes what is right and what is wrong. This is the fifth commandment. This is right in the Decalogue that God gave to Moses to give to the children of Israel. And so let's look at how we establish authority in the home as we read Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1 through 3. Let's stand together as we read and then we'll look at unpacking it. Let's read these verses together. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with thee and that thou mayest live long on the earth. Let's pray. Father, we ask that we would have homes that are God-centered and not child-centered, that we would have homes that have a loving, authority that is centered in the Lord Jesus Christ and his gospel. Help every parent to understand that this is not about having peace in their home, but honoring you in their home. And God, I pray that you'd send it right to the hearts of every parent and every child that you are our ultimate authority and that we will stand before you and that there is freedom from our sin. There is forgiveness. On that day of accounting, we can have it all washed as white as snow if we come to Jesus who perfectly kept this law that none of us has kept. Father, I pray that the gospel would be preached and that you would exalt your son, Jesus Christ, in all of our hearts this evening. We ask in Jesus' name. Amen. You may be seated. This is a command. Because our culture is not God-centered, they do not recognize God's commands. And therefore, our children are absolutely out of control because they have rejected God's authority, and therefore, they have rejected any semblance of sanity in the home, or the supermarket, or the school, or wherever else children are in our society. You can see that our children do not fear God because the parents of our society do not fear God. Years ago, when you gave a child a directive, you would hear, yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Or yes, father. Yes, mother. We don't hear that much these days, do we? I hope you're teaching your children. Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Not just to you, but to every adult. And we've preached this before, but we need to preach this again and again and again. Why? Because if you're like me, you are prone to forget. Fathers, mothers, we need to remember that our children need to respect us, not because we're so great, but because God is great. And they need to respect us because when they respect us, They are respecting God. They are honoring God. And so we ought to expect that, but that is not expected in this culture. We are a child-centered culture. Now, obviously the goal in Ephesians chapter six, as you look at it in light of the entire epistle of the Ephesians, the goal is not just that our children can be in good compliance with their mothers and fathers. The goal of the Ten Commandments is not simply that they can live long on the earth and things will go well with them, even though that's the promise. The goal of all the commandments is to show us that we can't keep the commandments and that we need Christ to live in us and he lives the commandments out through us. Not that we're focused on the commandments. We're focused on Jesus Christ. And so the goal is not compliance. It's a heart change. The goal is regeneration, though you should seek for compliance. OK, that's a good goal, but it's a secondary goal. You need to seek for compliance every single time out of your children. But it is a secondary goal. The ultimate goal is regeneration, that they would give up and that they would have Christ as their savior and Lord and have him guiding them. Now, really, people are completely askew when it comes to what obedience is today. As I mentioned earlier, obedience is normally man-centered if it's practiced at all in the homes of today. It's you need to obey because I'm your father. You need to obey because I'm in charge here. And yet the parents don't explain why they're in charge and there's no reference to God. So let me give you a simple definition of obedience. It is living under and submitting to God's authority. And so true obedience is applied even when our authorities are asking us to sin. Because true obedience is not simply submitting to our authorities. True obedience is living under and submitting to the authority of God. So when the Jewish religious leaders asked Peter to stop preaching in the name of Jesus, he says we ought to obey God rather than men. You see, obedience is living under and submitting to God's authority. Now, this is the command. Obey children, obey your parents in the Lord. But there is a promise that comes with this command. Honor your father and mother. This is the fifth commandment. It's the fifth commandment, but it's the first commandment with a promise. And here's the promise that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. And here I thought Ted Tripp did a wonderful job of illustrating these verses through the circle of authority. If you think about this commandment, think about the circle of God's authority around your life. And as you are in that circle of authority and there are more authorities than just mother and father, children, you need to understand that you need to obey your mother and father. But there is authority. We're all under authority in every area of our life. The president of the United States is under authority. If he breaks a law, And if it deserves jail, where is he going? He's going to go to jail. We are all under authority and we need to see how very important it is that our children live in the circle of God's authority and the circle of blessing. It is a circle of blessing because these promises are given. Number one, you're going to things are going to be well with you. And secondly, you're going to live long on the earth. Look at the illustration there. As long as the child is in the center of that circle, the Lord's blessing is going to be upon them. This is not speaking of regeneration. That is ultimately what we want our children to experience. We want them to be born again. But this is a general principle. that anyone can understand, whether you are a Bible believer or not, when you submit to authority, things are going to go well with you. And if you don't learn that from your parents, you will learn it from your employer or from your teachers, or maybe from the police, or maybe from a parole officer, or maybe from the state when they lock you up. You will learn that everyone is under authority. Everyone is under God's authority and all authority comes from God. Now, of course, your children along the way will find out that they cannot obey with an old heart. They can comply, but they cannot complete the commandment. in the way that God would have them complete the commandment because Christ doesn't dwell in them. And we're going to talk about how to use that in a positive way at the end of the message. But I want to ask you several questions that pertain to obedience. First of all, we've already covered this. Why should children obey? Not because I said so, but why? God said so. We got that. But secondly, what does it mean to obey? We talked about this, living under and submitting to God's authority. And let me go further with that definition, without excuse, without challenge, without delay. In our house, the way that is translated is this, when a child in my home defies me, not that they spill their milk, not that they have a bad night, Not that they have a nightmare, whatever. None of those things is defiance. And if you thank your children for that, you need to stop. Because that is wrong. Defiance is disobedience. Being a child is being a child. And a child is weak. A child needs help. A child needs a lot of love. But in our home, when there's any, any semblance, any hint of defiance, And we're going to talk about this, but we talk about the fifth commandment. I ask my children when they do that, what is the fifth commandment? And of course, they say, honor your father and mother. Now, that's not enough for me. I want to know that they understand it. So I ask them, what does it mean to honor your father and mother? And they say, it means to obey immediately, sweetly, and with a happy attitude. Parents, if your children are not obeying immediately, sweetly and with a happy attitude, they're disobeying. For instance, children, look up here because I want you to get this. When mom and dad tell you to go to bed, you get me here. When they say it's time for bed and you say, no, I need to finish my drawing. You've just entered into defiance. You are in disobedience. The correct response to son, daughter, it's time for bed. The correct response is yes, sir, if it's your father or yes, ma'am, if it's your mother and you get up and you stop everything that you're doing and you do exactly what they said. You know why? Not because your mom or your dad is so important. No one here is important, but God is important. And God has given us the responsibility to raise you all. And we have to do what he says. And when he says that you need to obey your father and mother in the Lord, it's a God-centered commandment. And you need to obey immediately. Not after you do your drawing, but immediately. Secondly, we need to have our children obey completely. Let me give you another illustration about immediately sometimes as parents when our children don't obey and I hope nobody here does this but it's very popular and Maybe maybe this will help you but you should never count to three when you want your children to obey when I was a child my mother would would count to three all the time and I was finishing my play-doh and and she said Matt you need to come and do whatever and And I was not interested. I wanted to finish my castle. And she'd say, one. And I'm still playing. Two. Sometimes she would add two and a half, two and three quarters. You better come here, Matthew. Matthew Stephen Black. Now I knew it was really important because she used my full name. And I came. But I learned how to disobey four times right there. before I came, and that wasn't obedience, because it wasn't immediately, it wasn't completely, it wasn't with a happy attitude. My son, Evan, is learning how to eat. I remember Will learning how to eat, and we would tell him, eat your peas. And Will doesn't like peas, don't tell him I said that. Will, if you're listening, I'm sorry. It's a terrible thing about being a pastor. son, but I remember when he was a child that, he's still a child, I'm sorry. Way back, he's five years old now. He's driving the car. Way back when he was a little child, learning how to eat his peas, when I told him he needed to eat his peas, he would do this. He'd stick that poochie lip out, he'd comply, but he was not complying with a happy attitude. You know how that goes. Children, if your father or mother tell you to obey, you need to put down whatever you're doing, and you need to do it immediately, completely, and with a what? Tell me, children, with a what? With a happy attitude. So you're to obey, help me now, immediately, completely and with a happy attitude. One more time. Immediately, completely and with a happy attitude. You want to rhyme immediately, completely and sweetly. And so if you don't do that, you're not obeying. So the fifth commandment is to honor your father and your mother. Now, that comes across in many ways. My children inevitably, when they first learn it, they say, Honor thy father and my mother now they personalize the mother part and they I don't know what that what's up with that But that's sometimes how they learn it, but you need they need to learn it. However, they learn it They need to learn that there that you are in control because God said so God said so I Want you to beware of cute children They ought to have a sign, you know. Children who are cute should hold signs. Beware, I am a cute child. Because that little poochy lip at two years old looks so sweet and adorable. Evan sometimes, I'll tell him, don't touch the vase. And he's reaching, he's reaching. I say, don't touch the vase. And he goes. That is really cute. I am so tempted to get the camera out. I really am because it is adorable. But what is cute at two years old is not cute at 12 years old. And if you teach them to use their looks and their manipulation. Do you know that goes on all the time in the business world? And so what you teach them, then they will carry through their life. Children, obey your parents in the Lord and beware of children. Beware of them and don't be brought under their guile. Another question is, what do I do if my child steps out of the circle of God's authority, that circle of blessing? Well, let's first define what that's called. That is called Defiance. That is called a transgression. It is a willful breaking of God's law. If you want a verse for that, 1 John 5, 4, sin is the transgression of God's law. Defiance. And so when they disobey, this is the time for fathers to get involved. Here we see in Ephesians 6, 4, it's primarily responsibility of fathers if there is father in the home. Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Provoke not your children to wrath. In other words, don't push them towards rebellion. Don't tempt them to rebel. In other words, if you have a child-centered home, you are going to have a rebellious child. And fathers, the responsibility lies on your shoulders to show loving firmness. That's what nurture and admonition is. Nurture is that love, that instruction, that teaching, that time that you spend with the child and you're constantly talking to them and molding their heart. That's nurture. Admonition is the stop sign. No. And it is also the correction. And that means applying the board of education to the seat of learning very firmly. They need to know that when they step out of the circle of God's blessing, that they're not blessed anymore. It hurts. And the younger they learn that, the less you will have to deal with disobedience in the home. That's not rocking science. Consistency, consistency, consistency is everything in the home. And so if you will be consistent with your children when they're two and three years old, Not just applying admonition that will provoke them to rebellion. If you are a dictator in the home and all you do is admonish, admonish, correct, correct, heavy handed, they're going to rebel because they don't understand. Why are you being so heavy handed? There's no love here. Or if you're a doormat and you let them do whatever they want to do and you're constantly telling them, you shouldn't do that because God says you shouldn't do that. And you never give them any consequences, no admonition. You know what you're going to provoke them to? Rebellion. And fathers, you are the primary people who are responsible for nurture and admonition. Now, let me encourage you tonight, because many times when You find a child rebelling. That's the time of frustration. You want to give up. You're upset. You're boggled. You don't know what to do. And God has allowed this. He has allowed this commandment to be there knowing. You think God knows that lots of children obey a whole lot? You think God knows that? You think He knew that when He wrote these verses? Do you think He meant this verse to be a burden to you or a blessing? A blessing. I want to show you how this verse is a blessing. I want to show how you can turn your child's disobedience, not into a frustration, but into a fountain of blessing. Say, well, I want to hear this one. What's he going to say now? When your children disobey, you take them aside and you begin to nurture them. If father's not available, mother, it all relies on you now. Father may be at work, father may not be in the home. So it relies on you. You take son or daughter into the room and you don't scold them. Do you like to be scolded? I don't like to be scolded. You begin to nurture them. How do you nurture them? That has the idea of loving instruction. We could do a whole study in Deuteronomy 6. I'm not going to. But Deuteronomy 6 tells us to teach our children diligently when they get up, when they walk by the way, when they lie down, all the time. What are we supposed to be teaching our children? The words that were given. What were the words that were given in Deuteronomy 5 and also in Exodus 20? The Ten Commandments. Now, you need to let your child see their sin through the Ten Commandments. And so when you bring them into the room, you instruct them, okay? Son or daughter was huffy and puffy. They obeyed, but they were all huffy and puffy and whiny and murmury. You know what that's like, parents? Children, you know what's that like when you get huffy and puffy? And you go, I don't want to do that. Now, to be fair, sometimes children are very tired, you've brought them everywhere, hither and yon, and you know what? They may not need admonition, they may need to just go to bed and sleep. And admonishing them with correction is not going to help you or them, because you as the parent have not given them proper rest, and sometimes that occurs, and you need to use your cabeza, your head, And you need not to spank these children. You need to put them to bed and let them have rest. Maybe give them a bath. They feel yucky and crummy and they just want to sleep. Have you ever felt that way and been in a bad mood because of that? Yes. So show the same mercy that you show to yourself. Show that to your children. But when there is definite defiance going on, you know it. You bring them aside. And if they're whining and murmuring and complaining, What commandment is that you want your own way? You're greedy for your own way. What commandment is that? When they're when they're whining thou shalt not covet It's not just greediness. It's wanting what you want the way you want it And so you need to instruct them that way if if they are being stingy and selfish What commandment is that the sixth commandment right if I do not love my brother? I am a murderer, thou shalt not kill. And you need to show them not just the meaning of the law, the letter of the law. You need to show them the application of the law, which is what the New Testament does. And so you need to show them that a lack of love is murder. And you show them in that room when they've been selfish and self-centered and they've not loved their brother or sister. You tell them lovingly a son or daughter You have broken God's law. One day you're going to stand before God. And this is the way you turn disobedience into a blessing. Because now, what are you doing to your child? What are you doing for your child? You're evangelizing them. You're bringing them through the law so that they will come to the end of themselves. And if you will do this consistently, their hearts will break within them. day after day as they disobey they will see I can't keep the law I'm not good just like God says I sometimes I want to be good but I fall short I'm a sinner and so you bring them to the end of themselves that's nurture then you admonish them you tell them what they've done was you've broken God's law and then As I said, you foolishness is a bound up in the heart of a child and the rod of correction will drive it far from them. If you want them to remember that they've broken God's law, you've just instructed them. The Lord has created a way where you can have the child really understand the pain of what they've done. And you use moderation, but you you spank them. And you must be careful how you spank them, but you must spank them until their will breaks and they're tender. The Puritans would say at this time, this is the best time to nurture the child because the wax of the heart is melted. The child is broken. His spirit isn't broken, but his will is broken. And he sees that he's done wrong. And now he's remorseful. And now you begin to tell him, you know what, son? You know what, daughter? I'm a sinner just like you. I'm a sinner. Daddy's done these things. Mommy's done these things. Grandpa, the whole world. But I want you to know that there's a Savior. There's hope. Jesus Christ has died for sinners. This is the way to train your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. This is the way to take disobedience In the home and turn it into a blessing and you'll find out if you are consistent I mean Brutally consistent brutally on yourself. You're brutally consistent You will see a change you will see a change within a week if you do this consistently You will I don't I have given this advice to two parents that have very unruly children Christian parents, I don't know how to counsel unbelievers, but Christian parents, and they have applied this with love that's just as important as the firmness. And when you do that and your child knows that you love them and you do this consistently and they know that there's consequences, there is a sigh of relief in the depth of the soul of that child. And they say, Mama loves me. Daddy loves me. There are fences in my life and I get to be protected from my own wicked heart. And eventually, they will cry out to the Lord to be saved. So in conclusion, the goal of child rearing is obviously you want them to honor father and mother. What does that mean? Three things. When they honor father and mother, they demonstrate the authority of God. They obey their parents in the Lord. It's a God focused commandment. It's not focused on you or focused on the child. It shows that God's authority is vested in you. And when they obey you, they obey God. And so their mind is set towards judgment day. One day they're going to give an account because they know mom and dad are an authority. And one day I'm going to give an account and they're going to give an account before God. The second goal, after demonstrating the authority of God, the second goal, is to demonstrate to the child the gospel. And we just talked about this. So when they disobey, you can point them to the cross of Jesus. You show them the law over and over and over again. And just as much as you show them the law, you show them the gospel. You show them that there is a merciful Savior who has died for sinners. And they can come to Him. And He calls out for them to come. Come to Me. Suffer the little children to come to Me. For of such is the kingdom of God. And when they see their wicked heart and they see the loving savior, they will come. God will work mightily, mightily in their heart and it'll all become real to them. And thirdly, the secondary goal of all of this is that your children would truly obey you and respect you out of a heart of love. That's what honor is, respect. And they truly deeply want to obey you. And they're grieved when they realize that they've disobeyed you. And I've seen this. I've seen this in Katie where she will, she's grieved if she's realized she has disobeyed us. And that's what we want. And she's grieved because she loves Christ. That's the goal. So, training your children. It means that you're gonna be a shepherd. And let me just beg you, beg you, as you think about these verses, to do this consistently. Do not miss an opportunity to preach the gospel to your children every time they disobey. Lovingly bring them through the law, bring them through the gospel, and point them to Jesus Christ. What a privilege it is to be a parent. They're only this age once. You'll be remembering one day what it was like watching old home videos. The current generation will be watching videos they can't get off their iPhone or something, but praise the Lord that he's given us this command. Children obey your parents and the Lord for this is right. Let's stand together.