Well, it's a new year and I'm feeling energized. So as I have done in previous years, I have decided that maybe I will address something controversial. I've done it before at the beginning of new years. Actually, it's been a little bit of a few years since, but this morning I want to cover a biblical subject that is controversial and it is becoming quite counter-cultural. But the fact that you all are here this morning, do you know that that's counter-cultural? Probably you are part of maybe two, maybe two and a half percent of people in all of Berks County who attend a church where the gospel is proclaimed and the Bible is believed to be the word of God. So you are a distinct minority, but you are a unique and special minority. You are part of the spice that this culture definitely needs in order to be preserved. Without us, scripture says, It's going to be a bad scene. When the restrainer is taken out, 2 Thessalonians, that's the church. That's the Holy Spirit. And the world is left on its own. It's not going to be a happy time. That's what the Bible calls the Great Tribulation. Now, my subject today is biblical child development. Woo! Now, it's a big subject, so I can only cover a small portion of it. And I will say, some of you may be saying, okay, good, I get an escape here. I don't have any children in the house, got an empty nest, so sleep time. Ah, a little correction here. Because you don't wanna miss this, grandparents, or perhaps those of you who have influence over children, because I know in some of my marriage counseling, When I have the opportunity to talk to the parents who have said, oh, yes, I'm in favor of this wedding, I say to them, well, you know what your job's gonna be after that wedding takes place? And they go, what, butt out? And a lot of them sit back in their chair and they go, what are you talking about, pastor? I'm saying because now the time has come in which your opinion is kept to yourself. until it's asked for. And that's very hard to take. So what you can only do is pray. But for those of you who are confident that you know a lot more about parenting than your children do who have little ones, I'm giving you some leverage. See, you can always tell your kids, hey, you know what? I just noticed something. Might be good for you to go over that tape that was made of Pastor Dean's sermon. That's all you have to say. Well, what do you mean, Dad? What do you mean, Mom? I'm just saying it might be good for you to make a review of that. Just saying I'm giving you a little bit of leverage. Hear what I'm saying? Everybody dialed in? Good. Okay. But I know I'm going to be saying some things that may shock some people that you know. Maybe it'll shock some of you. But on the other hand, I think it will be really helpful for those of you who have children and are very concerned about their futures. I don't know, unless parents are brain dead or sick, who don't care about their children's futures, so. To begin with, in talking about biblical discernment for child development, I think what you have to have are stated goals. What exactly are we talking about when we talk about development? Because if there's development, then there must be direction, right? What are you developing towards? And basically, I think with one passage in Luke's gospel, for example, I would direct you to that in Luke chapter 2, verse 51 and 52. we see what was the direction that Jesus' parents took him as they conducted the responsibility to raise the Son of God. So I guess that would be probably one of the best examples for us, wouldn't it? Parents responsible to raise the Son of God. I read in Luke chapter 2 verse 51, This is after that event where Jesus had stayed behind in Jerusalem, and he's dialoguing with all the doctors of theology. He's 12 years old, and they're all like, who is this kid? Where did he get all this knowledge? Wow, amazing. But he stays behind, and his parents are in the caravan going back to Nazareth, and then they figure out, where's Jesus? not to be found, so they scurry on back to Jerusalem and they find him with all of the teachers of theology and scriptures and scribes, Pharisees. Verse 51 reads, then he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was obedient to them. So by the age of 12, he had learned obedience to his parents. His mother kept all these things in her heart, that is what had taken place in Jerusalem and at the feast. And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and people. So there is a development of his spiritual acumen, his ability to take knowledge of scripture and then apply it in his life. He's also growing in stature. He's becoming a mature young man. And he's also cultivating social skills, favor with people and spiritual skills, favor with God. So let me see if I can break this down just a little bit into practical pieces. Developmental directions. Children need to be taught basic skills, basic skills of personal self-care. Let me give you some examples. Personal hygiene, personal use of apparel, personal diet, the value, use, care of personal property like their toys, their clothing, furnishings, organizational skills and time management. I mean, having had three four grandchildren living in my house for the last week, you see a lot of skill areas that their parents are trying to teach them. Sometimes I got involved because I was asked to. And it's interesting. But children need to be taught basic personal care skills. And children need to be taught an accurate understanding of the gospel. And they need to have an appeal made to them based on that understanding. They need to be exhorted. They need to be encouraged to believe in Jesus Christ. And children need to have instilled in them confidence that the Bible is the word of God. And the best way that that confidence is instilled is by the example of their parents. who talk about the Word of God, but then their talk gets reflected in their behavior, in their conduct towards the children. And the children more rapidly catch what their parents believe than learn through verbal expression what their parents believe, especially at a young age. Children also need to be given vision. They need to be given a vision that God has a purpose for their life. And this purpose will involve ups and downs, this purpose will involve challenges, this purpose will involve change as they grow up, this purpose will involve them encountering different people, different situations, but that God has purpose. And why do we need to instill in them purpose? Because purpose gives hope. It means that what I am encountering in my life, even as a youngster, I may not be able to understand. It may be very perplexing. It may be hurtful. But if I know that there is a God who has made me, and has a personal interest in me, and that he is fully aware of what I'm encountering, I have hope that I'm not just an off-cast piece of garbage in the universe. Children need an understanding instilled in them of how sin afflicts every person's moral, ethical, emotional, relational, and financial decisions. They need to be protected from naivete about the effects of sin. And they need to be protected from an overexposure to people who act sinfully on a regular basis. There needs to be a balance. Not ignorant, but not overexposed. And that's part of the job of parenting. Children need to be taught the necessity of guarding their own consciences from ungodly values. That's difficult. They need to understand how violations of Jesus' commands will cause unhappiness in their own life, in the lives of people around them, not just in this life, but also in the life to come. So they're being taught it's not just here and now and then you die, it's also that there is a life to come. And they need to be prepared to be able to live independently as adults. to the reasonable extent of their physical and mental capabilities. Children are different. We raise them at different speeds depending on who they are and what their personalities are like, but we still push them in development. I could say more about these various areas of goals and such, but I need to press on. Now the job can sound, and may to some of you sound daunting. And there's a reason for that. It's very understandable why it would seem like some of the things that I presented, not all things I presented, but some of them it sounds like it's just, it's over, it's too much. But remember, most of you have about 15 years to work with. By the time they're 15, 16, you're supposed to be letting the kite string out a little bit more, as James Dobson would say, so that they can fly higher. But you have time. But there is a reason why this is a difficult task. And if we are not alert to the reason for that, we may be finding ourselves continually frustrated. But Proverbs 22, verse 15, I invite you to turn to that passage in your Bibles. Forgot to give you the page number. I'll give you some time to look that up. Cut your Bible in the middle. You'll probably come to the Psalms. And then to the right is the Proverbs 22, verse 15. There's a reality spoken of in this proverb and in a number of other proverbs that we must confront as we raise every child. And even I might say, you who work with children in Sunday school and youth ministry, this needs to be something that you are alert to. Foolishness is tangled up in the heart of a youth. The rod of discipline will drive it away from him. Or other translations, foolishness is bound up. In the image there in the Hebrews of chaining someone up in the heart of a child, the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. Tremper Longman comments, in Proverbs, the heart is roughly equivalent to what we would call character. The character of youth is naturally bad if left unformed, that is, untrained. Foolishness is bound up in the heart, and it will seep out into all of the character, is what the Hebrew thinking is. And the idea of folly in the Proverbs may have some association with the English idea of stupidity. I often make the wisecrack that the Proverbs are written to keep us from acting and living stupid. But there's more to it than that, because the idea in the English of stupidity is sometimes the idea of limited mental capacity. That is not what foolishness in Hebrew thinking is about. Rather, it's more the idea of perversion. Twisted thinking, twisted living is what foolishness is in the Proverbs. It's a tendency to prefer vice rather than what is noble, a tendency to laziness over industry, deceit over honesty, immorality over purity. opinion rather than learning, arguing rather than listening, friends over family. This is what is characteristic of folly in the Proverbs. Foolishness is the propensity to evil. If uncontrolled, it'll take a child in the direction of wrong principles, wrong friends, wrong ethics, wrong direction, bad habits, and an ungodly course in life. And eventually, it is the seed of all adult sins that can expand and grow and become what is experienced in adulthood of deceit, immorality, willfulness, rebellion against authority, contempt for what is good and what is noble. But it's important to understand that folly is not the same as childishness. It's an important distinction that needs to be made. See, childishness is speaking more of physical or intellectual immaturity, the lack of development which is normal in a young child. mental development, coordination of physical abilities, the development of the coordinated learning age, where there's hand-eye coordination that comes together, where reading skills finally come together. This all has to do with physiological development. But if you push a child At a time when they've not achieved that physiological intellectual coordination, you may be expecting them to perform on a level they are just not capable of. And if you don't take that into consideration, you are creating a problem that does not need to be created. Childishness is the immature state, as I say, of a child's mental and physical capacities. It is not sinfulness. That's why we say it's not the same as folly. Childishness is why children spill milk. They are physically clumsy. But you see, there's a big difference between a child who will swat a glass of juice off the table because they're unhappy and a child who fumbles a glass of milk. The one is childishness. The other is foolishness and must be restrained. A child's memory capacity is not established at first. That's why learning with children requires constant repetition. You cannot assume that I told you once. Parents, I'm sorry. All educators know that repetition is the key to learning, especially with younger children. If you told them once, you're probably going to need to tell them twice, three times, because memory is short. But the time comes when memory lapse is not a mental inability, but rather a choice to disregard. Selective listening, we call it. And that's when you get down on their level, eyeball to eyeball, and say, now tell me, what did Daddy say? And if they can't repeat it, then you know they haven't listened. And so you need to help them listen by saying, well, let me say it again. And then you say it, and now what did Daddy say? And when they can repeat it, then you know, morally, they have heard you, and now have a duty to comply. Resistance, though, is folly, not childishness. And a child's reasoning abilities are not strongly developed at first. That's why they have a difficult time grasping consequences, cause, and effect. That is something that grows with experience and intellectual ability. a child's attention span is not as focused as it will become. So when a child is disciplined, for example, by the contemporary technique of timeout, which in some cases is a very good remedy, but in other cases is a foolish remedy. How many times have I seen or have you seen a child sitting on the timeout stool or over in their timeout room, 10 minutes later you come to them and say, now why did daddy put you in timeout? I don't know. They forgot. And so there's no indelible influence as a result of the timeout in connection with the cause for the timeout. You see, there's no connection. And that's why sometimes that is effective in restraining the behavior but not in helping them remember why was I sitting in that chair. Now, the word folly in this proverb indicates that there's more to it than stubbornness. Derek Kidner in his analysis sees a darker term, a darker cause or meaning to this term. It's a tendency that when allowed to grow will resist restraint. It will be impatient and impulsive. It objects to moral standards. It is easily wearied by advice, instruction, or warnings, and it is hot-headed. That is, if allowed to go its independent way, without restraint, without the imposition of instruction, of correction. Proverbs 1.7 declares, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Fools despise wisdom and discipline. Proverbs 12, 15 insists, a fool's way is right in his own eyes. But whoever listens to counsel is wise. And we're talking about fools who are the product of lack of restraint on foolishness being allowed to evolve and take control over the life of the child's attitude. Foolishness, therefore, is the condition of the natural heart in every single child. We are all born with a sin nature. We are all born with a heart that's default is to turn towards self-interest and away from the needs of others and certainly away from the dominion of God in their life. The natural heart is not a clean slate, free of bad inclinations, as many of the sociologists would like us to believe. In a child, we encounter a creature in the image of God, invested with intelligence, emotion, and will. But this creature is infected with sin, not easily guided, and predisposed to resist training. not motivated naturally toward righteousness. So folks, without a biblical revelation, most people would not subscribe to what I've just told you. They'd say, oh, the little darlings, they're so innocent. Why is it, I ask you, that probably the first word that most children I know ever speak is what? No, you all know it, you see? It's intuitive because of our experience with young, innocent children whose first reaction is not, yes, mommy, but no. And they know this motion. It's much easier, you know, than this one. In sales, you always want to get the people mimicking you by doing this. Yes, I like that deal. Where's your pen? I'll sign. The ancient sages had no illusions about the state of the untrained soul in a child. But we're smarter than they are today in contemporary life, you see. Thousands of years of wisdom means nothing today in the last few decades. So the first part of the proverb states the natural condition of all children, but the second gives the prescription for curing that natural condition. The rod of discipline will drive it away from him. Now, before we consider how the rod should be part of discipline, I think it's important for us to discuss a little bit about what the Hebrew idea of discipline is. Because so often, discipline is painted as a negative term, and it is not. In the Proverbs, discipline is extremely positive and optimistic. It is a term for the formation of a child who is a creature of God, invested with the image of God. It's very important. And discipline is much larger than corporal punishment, but we have branded it as an idea which is pretty much only thought of in terms of corporal punishment, but it includes instruction, it includes example, it includes direction, it includes reinforcement, it includes correction, plus repetition of experiences, and of course, you understand that that means it takes time. It isn't accomplished all at once. And the church, oh, the church, See, the church is a major disciplining environment for children. But you see, automatically, most Christians think, oh boy, we're going to cramp down on them and we're going to slam them in the corner and hold them by the neck and say, now kid, you listen to me. That is not What the church does, what the church does is it causes children to have to be confronted with living contradictions to foolishness. Because as your children are wandering around in the church, they're seeing a lot of other adults who think like you do. And you have to ask your children, how is it that all the other kids in church have parents that think like we do? And that's hard for them to overcome, especially if you're instructing them in things that are noble and good. The church is this environment where you find your children being reinforced by other adults and hopefully enjoying their children as well. But except for very unusual children, the time eventually comes when the effort to instill in them direction and wisdom and skill training becomes resisted. And you've all experienced that. And that's what the Proverbs are talking about when it talks about the rod. The rod is the implement for helping children to remember. Basically, that's what it is. If a child is having trouble remembering instruction, They may need some kind of more indelible reminder that what mommy and daddy say is important and they need help remembering. And the Bible says that a little sting of pain is a quick and efficient and loving approach to assisting memories that are naturally short. Now I had numerous methods of applying physical discomfort to my children before I would reach for the paddle. Some of them could turn an angry kid into a laughing kid within about a minute. But I had some non-negotiables that almost always got physical discipline. Other areas were not as, other areas of misbehavior got non-physical correction, but some of those areas that were not negotiable were disrespect of Connie or myself, open defiance of a request for obedience or action, lying, Harmful actions towards a brother. Bad language was handled with a bar of soap ground on the teeth, and then they could go to the bathroom to wash it out. You know, just a little indelible experience to help them remember. Now, when the Proverbs refer to the rod, it refers to a simple instrument for inflicting pain. And here I'm going off the reservation socially into political incorrectness. I understand that. But I'll take the rod of the culture rather than the rod of God. Because the God says that it is the loving thing to do. And we'll get to that in a moment. When Proverbs, as I said, refers to the rod, it refers to a implement for inflicting pain without injury. It's a very important distinction. And it needs to be an implement that is easily handled by a parent, not some huge board or something like that, that when it's swung, they can miss. No. That's not what it is. It's usually in Jewish culture, a short branch that can be whipped and it stings. Or it could be a small strap of leather, or it could be a easily manageable wooden little paddle. Oh, by the way, when I was in seventh grade, the disciplinarian was the woodshop teacher. And you know what, students? When I was in school, in the good old days, when you were out of line, they sent you down to the wood shop, and Carl Weaver had a fraternity-like paddle that had holes drilled in it, so it would be aerodynamic, and he would take two hands, and he would take a shot. And all of us students had to watch. Why would he call us to do that? So that we would learn by example. and not be stupid, like the dumb kid who just got a swat. But of course, in today's brilliant culture, those kinds of indelible, permanent memory tools, not allowed. No wonder kids have a hard time. But the rod is intended also to be an independent object. something separated from the body of the parent, something that when it is pointed to, a child goes, oh, yes, yes, no, no, no, I remember, I remember, no, I think you need a little help remembering my son. But I, it's important because the pain that the implement of discipline or corporal punishment can cause should not be associated with the body part of a parent. And furthermore, if it is an independent object, to retrieve it for the purpose of inflicting corporal punishment takes time. And that time can be very important. That can be time to cool down, mom, dad. And think about what you're doing so that you're not applying it in anger. Because if you're angry, that's your fault. Because you are out of control, more so than the child. An infliction of corporal punishment and anger oftentimes results in injury that is not the goal. One of the worst behaviors of parents is the making of threats. without follow through. We call it the threatening repeating parent. I learned that from one of the courses that we've had in the church for a while by Gary and Ann Marie Ezzo. And of course, you know that if you threaten a child that if you do that, there will be consequences and you tell them specifically what the consequences are and you don't follow through, do you understand what you are doing? You are teaching. You are teaching disobedience. Because the child isn't stupid, they're going, hmm, okay, they threatened me, but ah, they probably don't mean it this time. And then the second time, ah, I know they don't mean it this time. But then when dad begins to yell, or mom begins to yell, and they begin to lather up, you go, okay, now it's time. You see, on the third time, you've taught them to wait, to obey you. That's because you threatened, but you didn't follow through. And you taught them to wait. You taught them to delay their obedience. It's not good training. Now I'm just about out of time and I wanted to talk about how we have to equip ourselves for this process. But I'm thinking in view of future opportunities to talk about these things that I'll bring this in for a landing. Because the major thing I wanted to enforce in your minds is the fact that children are not blank slates. They are not naturally going to become little cherubs that grow up into most righteous and upright people. No, that is not what the Bible says is the reality of things. They need help. And it takes work, and it takes time, and it takes focus, and it takes attention. And if you're feeling that it's hard work, you are normal. Be encouraged. The more you invest now, while it's hard and they are young, the less work it will take later when they are less pliable and growing more independent. And ultimately, your goal is to provide society with a spiritually born-again, morally and ethically responsible contributor to the culture and the society. And if you really understand Jesus' call to discipleship, you will understand that there is nothing more powerful for you to be investing in than the discipleship of your own children. If you're on mission with Jesus and you are training your children, By God's grace, you are training disciples to go out and spice the culture with goodness and with virtue and to help hold back evil. And that is a worthy investment of your time and your energy and your effort and your sacrifice. And God is smiling on that. So with that, let me close us in prayer. Father, we are grateful for the revelation that comes to us from your Word, oftentimes challenging us, sometimes redirecting our presumptions. Father, we pray that in this area of our commitment to our children, that you would help us to be encouraged that you are with us, even in the times that seem overwhelming, but you have interest in our children being a joy to us. especially once they come to the point where they are moving into independence and have earned the right to become more like our peers. We thank you for this opportunity to think about these things in Jesus' name. Amen.