Dear congregation, if you turn back to Ephesians chapter 5, I'd like to consider the theme that is before us in these verses, especially from verses 22 to 33. Paul ends this section in verse 32 saying, this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife, even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband. We've looked in recent weeks at the the responsibility of children to parents, the responsibility of parents to their children. But here we're looking at really the most basic relationship there is. The first human relationship there was, the husband and the wife. The Lord brings Eve to Adam right at the beginning. It's the most basic relationship. And Paul is saying here that right at the beginning with Adam and Eve, already there was a picture of Christ and the church, the love between… that Christ has for His church, the love and submission the church has for Christ. And You know, Paul does this all the time. He connects Christ and the church, the gospel, with the way we live our lives. You can see this over and over again. The gospel, in other words, has an effect on our lives. It cannot not have an effect upon our lives. For example, you think of Titus 2, 11 and 13. Notice the connection here. the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to everyone, all men, teaching us that denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, godly in this present world, looking for that blessed hope and the glorious appearing of the great God and Savior. You see how He weaves the truth of the great salvation? with how we live our lives soberly, righteously, godly, looking for the great salvation. Over and over you see this thread being woven together. You see exactly the same thing here in Ephesians 5. Ephesians 5, 25, one of the most beautiful statements in all the Scripture. Christ loved the church, and He gave Himself for it. But the whole text says, husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. Christ's relationship with the church is certainly a pattern, but it's more than that. It's also the motivation. It's the place we need to go to get the help we need. And so our theme this afternoon is the marriage relationship, the high standard, Christ and the church, the high standard of Christian marriage, something that's attacked today. Christian marriage is attacked today, just like the family. And so is Christian marriage. It's, in many cases, this is the way it kind of began, by not taking it seriously. So back in the sort of 50s, 60s, 70s, this was coming more and more. You know, people were saying, well, if you, you know, if it doesn't work out, then just, well, just end the relationship. In 1970, Ronald Reagan when he was governor of California, passed the first no-fault divorce law. That was where… you don't need to prove someone's done something wrong if you want a divorce. If you don't… if you know if the relationship doesn't work for you anymore, just get a divorce. He passed that law in 1970. Marriage, Christian marriage, was not taken seriously. And then, of course, in more recent times you have the sort of idea of same-sex marriage, which is a contradiction in terms. Marriage is between one man and one woman. That's the way it was at the beginning. That's the way it is and always will be. That is the biblical definition, and therefore it is the definition for marriage. In more recent times again, you've got what we call the egalitarian movement. This is a movement that said that men and women are equal in terms of their roles. Now, it's very important there to say that in the Bible, God sees men and women equally made in His image. So men are not better than women. Men are not more spiritual than women. Men are not necessarily better theologians than women. They're not closer to God than women. That's not what Paul says. In Christ Jesus there is neither male nor female. But in terms of role, There was always a distinction made, and here, very clearly in this passage, we're taught that Adam, or the man, is the head of the woman, and we want to see a little later what that looks like. So marriage, Christian marriage, is attacked today. But here, Paul is giving us really this theology of marriage. Now, he's not answering every possible question. But He is giving us principles, and we're going to give here six principles from this passage. Six principles concerning the high standard of Christian marriage. The first is that we know the high standard of Christian marriage, that we know this high standard of Christian marriage. You know, people say, or look for perhaps, you know, a book that says, give me ten easy steps on how to have a good marriage. What is the one piece of advice that you would give? Well, you can't, you know, we can't answer that first question, that there are no ten easy steps to marriage. Marriage is not easy. Marriage is a great blessing. But it's not easy. I remember Al Martin saying to me before, you know, about a hundred days before I got married, he said, Ian, marriage is God's number one means of sanctification. It's not the way I'd been thinking about marriage, but it's true. It's not easy, but it's a blessed thing, but it's not an easy thing. There are no 10 easy steps. But if there was one piece of advice you could give, then it would be this. You need to look at, you need to focus on, you need to think about, you need to know the relationship that Christ has to the church. You need to be looking to Jesus Christ constantly if you want Christian marriage. Keep Christ and the church before your mind. Christ and the church, the theology of Christ and the church, the relationship between Christ and the church comes before our marriage. So we need to know this high standard. And you see Paul doing that here over and over and over again in these verses. He's giving us lots of advice, but over and over again he's pointing. He's saying, you need to know this. You need to look here. Look at Christ. Look at the church. In the middle of verse 23, even as Christ is the head of the church. At the beginning of verse 24, therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ. Verse 25, husbands, you love your wives even as Christ loved the church. Verse 27, he's again speaking about Christ presenting the church to God or to Himself, a glorious church. At the end of verse 29, he says, even as the Lord the church, verse 32, this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Paul is ruthlessly pointing us again and again and again and again to Christ and to the church and the relationship between them. How does a husband love his wife? How does a wife submit to her husband? Look at Christ. Look at the church. So we then, if we want to know what this standard is, this high Christian standard, if we want to know what it is, we need to firstly ask, how does Christ love the church? Well, how does Christ love the church? Well, Christ loves the church exclusively. Verse 25, Christ loved the church. It doesn't just say everyone in general. He loved the church. He gave Himself for her. He loved her, as it were. and no other. He loved her exclusively. He also loved her exceedingly. How much did he love the church? He loved the church this much that he gave himself for her. He loved her exclusively, her and no other. He loved her exceedingly. He gave his own life for her. He loved her purposely or purposefully Look at all the that statements in verse 26. Why did you love the church? That He might sanctify her, that He might cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present it to Himself, a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that it should be holy and without blemish. He had a purpose in His love. He loved her exclusively, exceedingly. purposefully. He desired to make her holy, to bring her to heaven, to bring her into the Father's house. That's how Christ loved the church. But then how does the church submit to Christ? Well, the church submits to Christ by acknowledging, Christ is my head. Not just my source of life, but Head, especially in Ephesians, has the idea of the authority. So Ephesians chapter 1 verse 22 speaks of the Christ and the church, this relationship of Head. And it says there, and He has put all things under Christ's feet and given Him to be the over all things to the church. And so the church, if Christ is the head, she acknowledges that He's the head. He's my King. He's my only King. He's my only Lord. He's my only Husband. I love Him alone. I serve Him. I submit to Him, if He's my head, by obeying His law, by doing what He says. And not just doing what He says, but doing it lovingly, doing it willingly. You think of many verses, but 1 John 5, 3, we keep His commandments, and His commandments are not a burden to us. They're not grievous. We love His law. We love to submit to Him. We're not being forced against our will to submit to Jesus Christ if we're the church. We love Christ. We love His law. His law is good. And Christ loves this joyful, willing obedience of His bride. So this is knowing the high standard. It's the gospel. It's Christ and the church. How does Christ love? How does the church love Him and submit to Him? We need to know this. We need to look to this constantly. But the second principle here is not only are we to know this, but we are to love this. were to put our arms around this. And that would mean, first of all, that we love Jesus Christ. We love this bridegroom. We love Christ Himself. The first relationship Before we look at our husband or wife, before we look at a husband or wife, the first relationship, the most important relationship for you, for all of us, is our relationship to Christ. Are we the church that is lovingly submitting ourselves to Him? We are to love this high standard of Christ and the church. We are to obey Him. You know, how could someone really value marriage? How could somebody really love his wife if that person doesn't love Christ, if that person doesn't love the church? You know, to the daughters here, to all the ladies here, the young Girls here as well, when you think and pray for marriage in time to come or now, who are you looking for? Well, you need to look for a man who loves Jesus Christ and a man who loves the church. You know, we often say, watch the way a man acts towards his mother. That's probably the way he's going to act towards you. And that's true. But also look at the way he acts towards his spiritual mother, which is the church. That's the way he's most likely going to think and act towards you. Does he love the church? Does he desire the church? Is he all in for the church? Or is it just kind of half-hearted? If he's half-hearted towards the church, he's going to be half-hearted towards you. You find a man, you look for a man who loves the church and loves the Lord Jesus Christ. If a husband has no concern for the bride of Christ, the church, How can he really love and have a concern for his own wife? Here we read, Christ loved the church, gave Himself for it, therefore husbands, you love your wives in the same way. So this is a high standard. It's a standard that Christians will say, godly husbands, godly wives will say, I fail here. Godly wives will say, I wish I could submit better to Christ. I wish I could submit in a more loving way to my husband. Husbands will say, I fail here. I don't meet this standard. But the standard is good. You don't want to change the standard. I love the standard. I love the relationship between Christ and the church. It's spiritual. It's good. It's right. So we need to know it. We need to love it by loving Christ and by loving that standard. And thirdly, we need to maintain it. We need to maintain it. It needs to stay there, the standard. So here we're not saying, well, you know, who can do this? So therefore, let's just drop the standard. Let's lower the bar because it's not realistic. No husband can love like Christ. No wife can submit lovingly like the church is meant to do to Jesus Christ. So we drop the standard, and you know, that may be a temptation. We might feel discouraged at the times we fail. But we don't drop the standard. We don't change the standard. So we don't say, for example, well, you know, my wife's just a better leader, and I'm more passive, that's my nature, so she's gonna be the head of the home, and I'm gonna submit to her. It just works better for us. No. You know, for the man, you need to man up, and you need to take the lead. You are the head. This is the standard. You need to maintain the standard. And wives, you have this beautiful opportunity to lovingly submit to and encourage your husband. We maintain the standard despite the pressures around us and perhaps from within us. We live in a time when standards everywhere are being lowered. You think of the standard in manners. You know, people saying please and thank you, people holding doors for each other, people saying hello and good day. The standards in terms of manners are dropping. In terms of education, we're complaining about lower standards that are dropping. In terms of respect, look at politicians and people who take God's name in vain. Standards are dropping all around us, standards in terms of our view of life. at the beginning of life, at the end of life, abortion and euthanasia are dropping. Standards in terms of theological knowledge are dropping. There's a kind of sloppiness around us. Do we know what it is to be right with God? Do we know what justification is? Do we know what sanctification is? Oh, we don't need to know these big words. Well, you need to know the concept. And we need to be clear in the concept. Standards are dropping all around us. And marriage is no different. Lower the standard is the temptation. And the Christian says, no, I know the standard, Jesus and the church, Christ and the church. I love the standard. I love this person who is my bridegroom. And I maintain it for his glory. Husbands love the church, even like Christ loved the church. wives submit to your husbands just as the church. Maintain that standard. But then fourthly, not only do we know it, love it, maintain it, we also have to realistically apply it. We have to realistically apply it. And here we're saying that we need to recognize weaknesses and sin in each other. We say it all the time in marriage counseling, pre-marriage counseling. You're marrying a sinner. And people say, I know, I know. But no, you want to emphasize. No, no. You're marrying a sinner, and you're going to work this out. You know, it's going to come to expression because that's the way things are. You need to realistically apply this. Now, Christ Himself as we said, has this purpose to present His church without any faults. But that means He knows that right now, you right now, Christ knows that you right now, you who are His people, you have sin in you. And He's not dealing with us like we deserve, is He? He's loving us, notwithstanding our many faults. and sins." He doesn't say, I will love you. Does Christ say this, children? I will love you so long as you obey me. So long as you fulfill your side of the bargain, I will love you and serve you. No. Christ loved the church, the sinful church, the failing church, the unlovely church. Christ loved that church. and He gave Himself for it. And so when we think of husbands and wives in this sinful life that we are living with this body of flesh that is still clinging to us, the husband here doesn't look at the wife and say, my mission is to get her to submit to me just like the church does Christ. And the husband doesn't look at, or rather the wife doesn't look at the husband and say, my mission in marriage is to get him to love me like Christ loves the church. So when things go wrong, the one person is not saying, you know, the real reason this marriage is not working is because you're not loving me, or the real reason this marriage is not working is because you're not submitting to me like you should. Is this how Christ speaks to His bride? Is this how the bride speaks to Christ? No. Notice that Paul doesn't tell husbands to enforce their wives' submission. Paul doesn't tell husbands, by the way, husbands, you're the head. Act like the head. No, what Paul says to the husbands is, husbands, you love your wives. He tells the wives, you submit to your husbands. But husbands, here's where you need to focus. You love your wives, and you give yourself sacrificially for them. And wives, here's where you focus. You love your husbands, and you submit to them like the church does to Christ. Paul never tells the husbands to enforce their wives' submission. And he doesn't tell wives to demand their husbands' love and nurture. And in line with that, it's important here to realize that there's no discipline in this relationship. We spoke about the father-mother to the child relationship, that there's discipline, and rightly so, but there's no discipline between… Certainly no punitive discipline between husband and wife. It's not like a police officer relationship. You're speeding, you know, you go through a light and, you know, you get a ticket, you get a fine. That doesn't happen in marriage. You're not fining people. You're not… It's not that kind of authority. It's not like an umpire or a referee keeping a score. in a game, number of points. You do this, then I'll do this. You love me like this, then I'll do this. You didn't love me, so I'm not doing this. You didn't submit to me here, so I'm… No. That's not what this relationship is at all. That becomes this blame game. It's not love, and it's not submission. There needs to be a realistic application, and it needs to be suffused with love, with patience, with grace. Yes, there's a place for speaking about how we're doing our roles. There's certainly a place for addressing sin, but not every single sin, not every single fault. Some faults, some sins even can be overlooked in love. And the ones that can't should be addressed lovingly and tenderly. So husbands and wives need to bear patiently with their spouse's weaknesses. This is part of what Al Martin had said, it's the number one means of sanctification. You're going to rub up against faults, foibles, things that annoy you that you didn't realize were there before, but just when you're in such close proximity to somebody now, these things are going to get on your nerves perhaps. And what are you going to do? Are you going to react? Are you going to get angry? Or are you going to use this to maybe to recognize that you're not as patient as you thought you were? You're not as humble maybe as you thought you were. You're not as selfless as you thought you were. It's going to expose certain things in your own character and personality that should drive you back to the same gospel where this all began. So we must know this high standard, Christ in the church. We must love it by loving Christ and the standard. We must maintain it and not drop it. We must apply it realistically. And fifthly here, we must pursue, stretch after, pursue this high standard of marriage, recognizing that apart from Jesus Christ we can do nothing. We cannot love like this. We cannot submit like this apart from Jesus Christ. But the husband then, firstly, if he's going to pursue this standard, then what's he doing? The husband's doing this. He's looking at Jesus Christ. He now knows what this relationship is. He loves it, he wants to maintain that standard. Yes, we're going to apply it realistically, but what am I going to do as a godly husband? I'm going to pursue that standard, that standard, not the standard of people around me, not what they're doing and they're doing in this church, that church, maybe even my parents did. No, no, that standard up there, the standard in the Bible, that's the one I'm going to pursue. So I'm looking at Christ and I'm saying, how does he love the church? Well, Christ loves the church exclusively. I pursue that. I will love my wife exclusively, her and no other. No other woman. I will be a one-woman man, as 1 Timothy speaks about. She and she alone will have my love. She and she alone will have my affection. I will love her not only exclusively, I will love her exceedingly. I will seek to love her more and more. Look at Paul, listen to Paul here, he's repeating this. Verse 25, husbands love your wives. Verse 28, so ought men to love their own wives. Well, you've already said it. Yes, I'm saying it again, says Paul. Verse 33, in case you missed it before, let every one of you so love, in this way you love your wife. It means you're constantly there for them. It means that you'll listen to them, you'll try to understand them, you'll talk to them, you'll seek to support them, to thank them, to praise them, to encourage them, to provide for them, to protect them. You're not going to complain about them. You're not going to criticize their faults to other people. No, you're not going to hold grudges. Christ doesn't hold grudges with you, so don't hold grudges with your wife. Forgive them when they sin against you. Think how willingly Christ forgave the church and forgives the church. So, men, in this way, men, in the same way you love, you forgive, you care, you provide your wife exclusively, exceedingly, purposefully. So, this love, we've often heard it because it's here in verse 25, it's self-sacrificial love. I'm giving up. myself, my time, my money, things I might want to do for the sake of my wife. True, true. But not just like a thing in itself. There's a purpose behind that. I'm giving up, I'm sacrificing my time, my money, my whatever it is, my sleep perhaps, for the sake of my wife's holiness. so that my wife, if I'm going to love like Christ purposefully, then I'm going to purposefully desire that my wife is holy too, that she has time to read her Bible, that she has time to pray, that she has time to read a good book, that she has time to fellowship. Of course, that's difficult at times, but I'm going to self-sacrificially give up for her holiness. I'm going to wash her with the Word, as it says here. I'm going to read the Bible to her. I'm going to conduct family worship. I'm going to speak to her about the Bible. I'm going to listen to her with the struggles she may have, the sins she may wrestle with. But my aim here is to love like Christ. I'm going to pursue this exclusively, exceedingly, purposefully for her sanctification, so that one day when there is no more marriage between us, I can see her. as part of that spotless, wrinkle-less bride that's in front of the Father as Christ presents the whole church to Him. I'm going to pursue that. But if you're a godly wife, this is what you're doing as you pursue this standard. You're looking to how the church submits to Jesus Christ. And you're pursuing after that. And here's the thing, by the way. Only, only a Christian woman can do this. This is not easy, but you're not being forced to do something here. It's something a Christian woman is doing freely. It's her choice. She wants to do it. It's the godliness that's in her that's now coming out and coming to expression in her life. And so as she looks at the church and she sees the church acknowledging Christ is my head, So, she looks at her husband and she acknowledges, you are my head. You are my authority. And she submits to her husband as unto the Lord, and there is something very beautiful in this, as unto Christ. Christ is the reason. Christ is the motivation for what she's doing. She's not saying, you don't deserve my respect. No, she's submitting us unto Christ. She submits joyfully and willfully, verse 24, therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be unto their husband in everything. Now some have clearly taken this too far, a kind of authoritarianism. You do what I say because I'm your husband, you're my wife, I'm the authority. You know, basically you shut up and listen. That's not the way Christ speaks to the church. In fact, it's an absolute… it's almost blasphemy to speak like that. That's not the way Christ speaks to the church. This is not authoritarianism. Paul is certainly not saying, you know, wives, you just do whatever your husband asks you to do, even if it's sin. You never sin. You never sin, no matter who tells you. Christ is your ultimate head. That would be a horrible picture, a horrible perversion of the authority Christ has over His bride. But in things that are in the home, this is what Paul is speaking about, the husband takes the lead in terms of discipline. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. In terms of education, in terms of finances, the husband is the head here. Of course, he can speak to his wife, listen to her, discuss together. but he has the primary responsibility here. The role of the wife here then would be, as she submits to Christ and her husband, would be to make her home a joyful one. like the Proverbs 31 woman, a place where there is respect. She respects and reverences her husband. She doesn't complain about her husband to other people. She doesn't compare her husband with your friend's husband, but she speaks well of her husband. She encourages her husband. She doesn't force him onto the rooftop. She doesn't nitpick at all his faults. So we pursue by God's grace this wonderful standard. And lastly here, we teach it and we encourage it. We teach it to others. How do people know what this standard is? How do people know what marriage ought to be? How do you children know what a godly husband and a godly wife is meant to be? Well, we preach it. You should see it as an example set before you. But you also have people teaching this and modeling this for you. And see here the… see the opportunity you have as husbands and wives to preach the gospel. The godly husband who loves his wife self-sacrificially, exclusively, exceedingly, purposefully. is showing a watching world, this is a little picture of how Jesus Christ loves His church. You're showing them the gospel. And the godly wife who lovingly, willfully, not forced, but lovingly and willfully submits and loves her husband is given a beautiful picture of how the church lovingly, willfully submits to Jesus Christ. You're showing them the gospel. And when you do this both together, you're showing this broken world that's so full of hate and envy and fighting, you're showing them this beautiful gospel picture. The older woman, Titus 2 tells us, are to teach the younger woman to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good and obedient to their husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." This is true for the young men as well. Teach them in the same way, Titus 2, 6 to 7. Likewise, young men, teach and exhort to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself a pattern of good works. and doctrine showing uncorruptness, gravity, and sincerity. All of this, whoever we are, whatever our relationship on this earth, all of this is pointing us towards the perfect husband. We need, all of us need this perfect husband. Young men, you need Jesus Christ. You need his grace, you need to submit to him in all things. Young woman, you need Jesus Christ. Seek Him as your husband before you seek any other husband. Young men, you need to seek a wife who will love Jesus Christ more than she loves you. Young women, you need to seek a husband who loves Jesus Christ more than he'll love you. And he'll love you more when he loves Christ most. We need this husband who loved the church and gave Himself for it. So let us seek to know this high standard, to love it, to maintain it, to realistically apply it, to pursue it, and to encourage and teach it in others. Amen. Let's pray.