All right, well, we're gonna continue where we left off. It was a couple weeks ago when we did this last, this Sunday School on Marriage, and we're gonna finish going over the New Testament teaching on marriage, stressing the importance of maintaining that biblical view that we read, focusing on both the husband and wife relationship, what that looks like, and understanding that spiritual union between Christ and the church. So we are encouraged to remain faithful in our marriages, look forward to what we talked about last time in Revelation 19, the ultimate fulfillment of marriage in eternity with Christ. That is the epitome of what marriage is and it's about. Well, I'm especially grateful for the wisdom with which Ray Ortland writes on this topic, especially here in the New Testament is very, very good. So much what I'll be sharing is what he shared. So it's good stuff that he writes on marriage from a biblical theological view. Well, turn, if you will, in Ephesians chapter five, that's going to be our main text this morning. beginning in Ephesians 5 verse 22. And you can follow along. This is where we find Paul's second affirmation of the biblical definition of marriage, which is found in Genesis chapter 2 verse 24. Last time we talked about the first affirmation that he gives in there of that biblical definition of marriage. And that was when we went over 1 Corinthians 6. So we're on Ephesians 5 this morning. Just as a refresher, what is the biblical definition of marriage? Genesis 2.24, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. They shall become one flesh. Well, in Ephesians 5, verses 22 to the end of the chapter, verse 33, Paul commands spouses of their duties, and he reveals the profound mystery of our marriages, reflecting the joining of Christ to his church. So let's read that. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. And the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man and this is that biblical definition of marriage being quoted here. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Piece of cake, right? Well, it's clear, I think, again, how in verse 31 where we see Paul giving that affirmation of Genesis 2.24, quoting it, and it goes beyond our earthly marriages here to that ultimate marriage with Christ. Well, if we were to look back, the first verse of chapter 5 in Ephesians, we see the command that says, therefore be imitators of God. be imitators of God as beloved children. Children, when they obey their parents and look at them in the right way and understanding, it's the faith of a child. It's an unquestioning faith. We are to be imitators of God as beloved children. He is our Father. There is nothing at all. There's nothing when it comes to the gospel and living the life of the gospel, there's nothing ever degrading or unworthy that's tied to it. Stressing this, you know, because we're talking about a difficult subject here, especially when it comes to the wives and submitting to their husbands, let alone a man being charged with loving his wife like Christ led the church. we're going to have the ugly parts of our lives revealed as we go through this. We struggle and strive through the spirit to be faithful in these things. But knowing this truth, it lifts us up. It gives us, um, you know, an understanding, a deeper, understand the practical wisdom of God in our loving father. All right. So what does it look like? for a Christian wife to be faithful to this command that Paul's given here in Ephesians 5. What does that look like? Foremost, we see the godly wife submitting to her own husband. This command given to wives, noting how Paul links it, not with necessarily the order of creation, even though that truth doesn't escape us, it's been there since the beginning. But even more so, in a special way, he links it with the storyline of redemption in Christ. Paul, he's not trying to stir up strife with this command, trying to reinforce some cultural concept that is ancient and therefore no longer applicable to our modern day senses. That's not what he's doing. You know, feminists really hate Paul. They do. They pick him apart. Well, the problem with submission is just as challenging then as it is now. It hasn't changed. The same challenge with submission for wives to their husband was just as difficult back then. We haven't invented new ways necessarily to make submitting to husbands easier or more difficult rather. Well, Ortland points out that if Paul wanted to critique wives in his day, if he wanted to come out and so to speak put them in their place, he would have done that. You know, Paul wasn't shy with his words. If it was just to declare male superiority, some idea of that. He would have said something like, possibly when he was critiquing the inhabitants of the island of Crete. Remember what he said? He said in his letter to Titus, one of the Cretans, a prophet of their own, said, Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons. As he's counseling Titus on dealing with this strong-headed people. And he said, this testimony is true, therefore rebuke them sharply that they may be sound in the faith. If there was something he had to deal with, somehow with a stubborn streak or whatsoever in women, he would have come out and said it. But that's not what he's doing here. And that's where it gets twisted so much today. When Paul's talking about this command, What Paul writes in Ephesians in his command to wives, it's a dignified pattern of marital submission as a key way and perhaps even the primary way for a woman in her role as a wife to exemplify the gospel of Christ. It's all about Christ. Paul's not trying to keep score here. All right, the command was necessary. It was necessary because, well, it's not something natural for women to do, to submit to their husbands, especially when trust has been betrayed at times. And the men they're married to are sinners. Keep in mind, ladies, that the difficulty in submitting in your own strength and not in the Lord's strength It's only heightened because of the curse that was given in Genesis 3, that your desire will be contrary to your husband. So our sin nature, the curse and how it's lived out through our sin nature, it draws us to the Lord to depend completely upon him to follow this command. Ortland puts three questions to this command for wives in submitting to their own husbands. First, he asks, what does it mean to submit? Very important question, clearly. Well, to have a mind given to this type of submission is to lend to the sweetness of not only the marriage, but it also is a blessing to the church. If we go back one verse to verse 21 in Ephesians 5, we read of Paul's command that he gave to the church in general, that is submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. He said that before he came and focused on the marital submission of wives to husbands. We are to foster an overall voluntary spirit of severanthood. The one and others that we are to do, right? Elsewhere, we read in Philippians 2 verse 3, do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. That's a serving spirit. And that's a command for everyone. In Galatians 5 verse 13, for you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love, serve one another. We can't escape this overall general command to serve one another. That's the context of what we have in Ephesians 5 as Paul moves into talking about marital submission. The constant attitude within a faithful Christian community of servanthood, it's a Christ-like readiness, that readiness to serve one another, to adjust when adjustment is needed, to be able to adapt to the relationship and scenarios, to fit in and not to be someone who always has to break out, to help make it work, to make things work out. That's the attitude. And sometimes it comes at a personal price. That's the spirit of submission, wives, ladies. For a wife in particular, God, he calls her to live out this mentality of submission toward her husband as toward no one else, to her own husband. Her submission is not a servile groveling, as the feminists that would like to try to make this sound like you're gonna be turned into something that's less than human. It's not a servile groveling. She submits to her husband as the church submits to Christ. And that is dignifying. That is dignifying. Her submission, it's of the same high quality as the spirit of every faithful Christian. But what is unique to a Christian wife is her voluntary deference to her own husband. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. We're not going to find anywhere in scripture where husbands are commanded to submit to their wives in that marital context. Christians are commanded to submit to one another in love to Christ as we mentioned. It just so happens that both the husband and the wife are Christians in case of the argument there. So although husbands are not commanded to submit to their wives as the command is given in verse 22 of our passage, we are still as husbands to carry that serving spirit that we have with our fellow believers. which consequently includes our wives. That's a good temperament, I think, to our attitudes, husbands. But you're not going to find anywhere where husbands are commanded to submit to their wives. It's not a, that's not the picture where you're supposed to come away with. Again, because there's a bigger reality and that is of Christ in the church. That is the bigger reality when it comes to marriage, godly marriage. It'll evidence itself in a sacrificial love for her husband's, but we'll get more into the husband's here in a minute. Well, the calling of the wife for her part is that attitude of readiness to yield and support her husband's headship. Ladies, we need that. We need that. The opposite. What's the opposite of a submissive spirit? It's, as Ortland puts it, an unsatisfiable demandingness, a fault finding resistance, a tiresome fretfulness, a continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike. Proverbs 27 verse 15. It's not, again, trying to break out. It's gotta be me. Again, Ortlin comments, he says, no man gets married in order to live under the leaky roof, so to speak, of a nagging and scolding wife. Life at home should never be made into a dripping sort of water torture. A man's home, the place of refuge, must not be yet more of the storm he must cope with every day at work. But a wise Christian wife with a gentle and quiet spirit, as Peter talks about, refreshes her husband's spirit to face the challenge of life again the next day with new determination and confidence." Helping us, ladies, to carry out that mission that God has given us together, really. This delicate relational pattern of the head with the helper, again, the head taking responsibility, providing initiative, with the helper supporting and encouraging and comforting, it is a thing of beauty when it's done as to the Lord. Also, it's wise to understand there's not a one size fits all approach to this. The submissiveness to a husband is a pattern, it's not precise instructions. There is great potential for showing the gospel beauty to those who are looking into our lives as a married couple. Some who have maybe even never stepped foot in a church. So this is a blessing. this command is, it's a blessing. How the dishes get washed, how the laundry gets folded, who's doing it, the clothes ironed, et cetera, that's gonna look differently from house to house, from household to household, where this command is being obeyed. But it is true that the New Testament offers no alternative design. No pattern of marital life that excludes the submission of a wife. Ortland, he says, naturally and rightly, a wife will at times disagree with her husband. If you ever disagreed with your husband, yes, yes, of course. She will think for herself, he writes. He says, she will ask questions, express her reservations, and help her husband to see a problem from another angle of vision. Her counsel will add value to her husband, and a wise husband will seek his wife's input. Still in the end, the husband is uniquely responsible to bear the burden as head. And a Christian wife will always want to be asking herself, how can I represent to my husband something of the church's joyful submission to Christ, who is our head? It's impossible to do in our own strength, these things. Some wisdom in practical helps. Obviously at this point can be added to this discussion of this command to submit, but we're not going to deal with that today. We're laying that groundwork again of what biblical marriage looks like. We will be, however, getting into some of the more practical guidance in a few weeks, you know, give or take a week, when we start to go over the book, Gospel-Shaped Marriage. So we will get to that. All right, a second question worth asking about Paul's command to wives is what does he mean in verse 22 for wives to submit as to the Lord? Ultimately, a wife's submission to her own husband is not really made to her husband, but made to the Lord. Yes, it's to her husband, ultimately, though the focus is on obeying Christ. I think this is a helpful truth, knowing this, because again, men, we are often not worthy of this submission. You know, I think regardless of a woman's, her husband's worthiness, she can know it is still the right thing to submit to him. We want to know what the right thing is to do. Sometimes it's staring us in the face. We don't want to do it. But again, being reminded that this is serving Christ, it's very helpful. As a man, I often think about this when I submit to my own boss at work. It's not exactly the same, but it still takes a submissive spirit as I seek to do this for him, for Christ, not for Joe Blow Boss. All Christians are to do whatever it is they do as unto the Lord and whatever it is we do. But for the wife to submit to her husband as to the Lord is particularly special because it's connected again with that reflection of marriage between Christ and the church. Her submission when done as to the Lord, it's an act of worshiping him. I think that's also exciting to remember this. It's an act of worshiping him. It's something done When it's done in faith, when it's done as to the Lord, it is an act of worship. And it's purposefully directed to the Lord. In 1 Peter 3, verse 4, it says that a wife's gentle and quiet spirit is in God's sight very precious. Scripture went out of its way to make that clear, very precious to him. So even if her husband does not see and appreciate her submissive nature, God does see whom it is we are ultimately serving. God does see and it is very precious to him. It is worship. Her submission is also made to her own husband. It's not to made to some other man in this special God gospel reflecting way. All right, it's not like that. I believe this can be made more complicated when women enter the workforce and may tend to serve a boss who is a man in a way that puts his interests above her own. And she finds herself submitting to him in that way. I don't think it's a deal breaker. And I don't believe scripture commands women to not work outside the home. But the general pattern that we do have given to us in scripture is that of a homemaker. When a boss's instruction conflicts with a husband's instruction, this scenario becomes problematic and will likely be sanctifying for both the man and his wife. It's just, it's the truth, friends. Any questions to that? Thoughts? Ripe tomatoes? Chuck at me, it's not me saying it. All right, well, a third question then, if there's no questions or comments, is that we can put to Paul's command for a wife to submit to her own husband, is what is meant in verse 24 when commanded to submit in everything to their husbands? What does Paul mean there? This is where being a biblical literalist is not a handy thing. All right? To begin with, this does not mean a husband has the right nor the privilege to ask his wife to do whatever he asks, especially not something sinful. So what does this mean? It does mean is that a wife cannot just slice out a part of her life and say to herself, this area, my husband has to stay out of. That one flesh marriage definition, biblical definition of marriage won't allow that type of thinking. Any thoughts on that? Comments on that? It doesn't allow it. Those thoughts to creep in and take root in the spouse's head, that one flesh marriage won't allow it. This marriage, this makes marriage so unique because not even the best friendship, not even the best friendship can require all of a person, everything of a person. Not like a one flesh marriage union does. So there's not any area that she can slice out of her life and say that he has to stay out of. Now there are certainly things in a woman's life that a man can only know at like a textbook level or an anecdotal level. So his leadership would wisely, it does have a built-in limitation in leading in all particular areas on certain things, you know, I imagine you can think of what that would be, but it's a fallacy of ill reason to believe a person cannot speak into an area of a person's life just because they have not or cannot, you know, so to speak, walk in their shoes. All right. In verse 25, where we see Paul commanding husbands, that's where we're starting to talk about the husbands. Ortland, he writes here, he says, far from suppressing his wife or even just putting up with her, a Christian husband should actively love her toward magnificence, the way Christ loves his church, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor. As a Christian, knowing that all the trials we face and getting a comfort in knowing that this work of sanctification that the Lord is doing on me, as painful as it is, it's preparing me for eternity. It's making me more Christ-like. We can understand and appreciate that as members of the Church of Christ. And that love that we're supposed to have, men, for our wives, is supposed to have a bit of the same stuff there. Verse 27, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, loving her in that way. That word splendor reminds us of the New Testament doctrine of glorification, which says that God's purpose toward us is not merely to make us just nice people who can control themselves, but to make us glorious people with something of his own glory. As we are in Christ. Someday, someday. There is no higher calling for a Christian husband. There is nothing higher than this. To be a true head is to love as Christ loved, sacrificially. To be married to a selfish man who is in effect Just another child in the house. Yeah, you can just think of the sitcoms that depict that, the man of the house, if you will. You know, that scenario for any wife, that would be very hard to bear. But a Christ-like husband makes her burden lighter. He enjoys leading her, serving her like Christ with his church. But even more deeply, beneath the Christlike behavior that we're called to have, we find and understand that that biblical headship flows out of a mind of Christ, being Christlike. Our Savior's own mentality becomes visible in a Christian husband, cheerfully taking responsibility to lead, to provide for and protect his wife, serving as a type of prophet, priest, and king in his home. That's our calling, men, as husbands. To love is the key for a husband. Men are not commanded as husbands to submit to their wives. And women are not commanded as wives to love their husbands. You're not going to see those word usages there in these commands. I'm not saying that, again, we don't serve one another and we don't love one another, but in this teaching, in these commands, that's not listed for the wife or the husband. Love is a word that we know can lose its meaning when it's applied in so many different ways, even silly ways. Like, for me to say that I love my table saw, you know, kind of that type of thought and talk. You know, we can take away, I know we're just being hyperbolic, we know what it means, but. We need to look at love differently when we understand what it means for husbands with their wives. This love is the love again of Christ toward his church and there is no greater testament of love, no higher platitude to achieve. There isn't. Husbands who are also sinners, we know. We know we're not going to be ever loved like that. Not this side of heaven. But we're commanded to love our wives like this. It is a sacrificial love, putting her needs above her own. And it is a love that leads to godly sanctification in the washing of the word. That's part of the way he loves her, in washing her with the word. He lives himself by the word. And it's reflected in his care for her. It's a love that nourishes and cherishes, as Paul talks about here in this passage. It's to develop her, to nurture her, to lift her up again through the working of the word. And it has an aim, it's purposeful, it's dignifying, this love. And it helps her to stay on the righteous path. It means we ourselves, men, must be a godly example at all times. I hope you're feeling the same thing I am, that it's impossible for me to do this in my own strength. See how the Lord draws us to him in such complete dependency here. But also the privilege it is to be able to reflect the ultimate marriage between Christ and his church. Well, Paul describes this nourishing and cherishing as that similar to caring for one's body. You know, as I myself look in the mirror, I might not like all the imperfections I see, but I don't take a scalpel to my body and carve out that imperfection. Just in the same way, a wife, she may not be ideal in every way, But she's still a man's wife, one flesh with him, bound to him. So how could a man ever neglect or despise her, even in her imperfections? Those imperfections should be noted, should never be something that's teased. You know, I know this nourishing my own and cherishing my own body. I know what it's like to have my own perfections to be made of some, the butt of some joke. They're not to be teased. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ does his church. A smoldering wick, the Lord will not quench. That is how gentle a man must be with his wife. Guys, and you know, I speak from my own experience. Our wives are not another guy in the locker room. No, we must be gentle, we must be gentle, so. Ortland writes, this is really good, he says, marriage, it's common, right? We see it all over the place, praise God. A lawful marriage, it's common. Marriage, therefore, does not astound us. That's why Paul, he has to alert us to this profound mystery. revealed in Christian marriage. You know, we need these new eyes to discern the glory that God has put in the marriages that we have. And there's a reason why marriage appears in Genesis chapter two. The context is the creation of the universe in Genesis one. You know, just because we've never seen the creation of the universe, but have seen lots of weddings, you know, It doesn't therefore make marriage where it is a very common thing. It doesn't mean that it's not something that God glorifies, that he instituted at the very beginning. Consider how Paul's logic unfolds in these crucial verses. We are members of Christ's body, verse 30. Members of his body. We are very near and dear to Christ. Members of his body. At this point, Paul's not even stops referring to the church. He makes it very personal. He says, we individuals are members of his body. So it's very personal here. By the grace of the cross that he endured, every barrier was moved. He drew us into himself. And so therefore he nurtures and cherishes us. We occupy a place in his heart. Can't be more personal than that. Calvin, quote here from him from these verses in the Bible, he says, we hear our Lord Jesus Christ call us to himself and tell us that we are so joined to him that he does not have anything of his own which he does not share with us and of which he will not have us as partakers. He could not love us more tenderly or identify with us more personally. As married couples, as Christian married couples, we have the privilege of making the mystery of the gospel visible in our world today. We should not think that Christ and the church are the metaphor here. That's not the metaphor. It's the other way around. It's the other way around. Christ and the church, that is the real of the realities. Our Christian marriages, they are the metaphor. We don't have marriage in heaven anymore. It tells us that. No Christian marriage can be the ultimate human experience. Not going to be. But every faithful Christian marriage does point beyond itself to that perfect union. For Paul, the practical demonstration of the gospel in our marriages comes down to Love and respect for the husband and wife. His love for her with her respect for him will display the eternal beauty of Christ and the church. Love and respect. There's a lot of questions that we have as husbands and as wives, insecurities that we deal with. As a man, am I Am I good enough? Will I love like I'm supposed to? Will I provide like I'm supposed to? And as a wife, you know, similar questions. Am I going to be able to be able to meet these challenges that God puts to me? Will I fail my Lord? Will I fail my husband, my family? These are insecurities that we have because we are sinners and we're not perfect. We need to understand that about each other as husband and wife and support each other in this and be gentle. Men, we need to step up and be the first one in this as well, leading in love.