We have been preaching through the book of Colossians for a long time now, and recently we finally got to that ending part of Colossians chapter 3, after Paul has that great teaching there in the first part of Colossians chapter 3 that explains that how do you take this supremacy in this life of Christ and apply it in the life of a Christian. And we finally got to verse 18 where then Paul, he gives us three sets of relationships that are integral to our lives, the nuts and bolts of our life, the marriage, the home, parents and children and in the workplace. And we went from the glories of heaven in the first part of chapter three. Now we're applying that then to where we actually live in our day to day lives and where Christ is really glorified in our lives. And so we got to verse 18. We stopped for a bit because of the importance of marriage and the family. And we wanted to spend some extra time on that. And we did have a couple of sermons that tried to lay some foundations so we wouldn't have to go back to it so much of the time. But hopefully you remember that they're very important. And we had a sermon that dealt with submission and how submission is characteristic of the Christian life in so many aspects. And Christ Jesus submitted to the father. There's a way of showing us that submission is not something to be ashamed of. It's something that we imitate Christ in. And so, yes, there's submission and headship within the marriage. And we saw the backgrounds of that. And that first first sermon, we did look at Ephesians chapter five to see a very key thing, that marriage was designed from the beginning to display Christ in the church. And yes, even the gospel, that was God's purpose from the beginning. I would dare say that if we have that understanding of the purpose of marriage and what it's for, it helps us tremendously. And actually then being husband and wife and actually seeing the home be what it's supposed to be to the glory of God. But then we had a sermon looked at the creation account, Genesis chapter one, two and three, to see what was God's real design for the husband and wife from the beginning, even before the fall. And then what were the effects of the fall there? And we looked at that and we saw that God's design for marriage did include submission and headship in the marriage. And that was how he designed it from the beginning for his glory. And so then finally, last time we were in Colossians 318, we actually got to the command given to the wives and the command given to the wives was really quite simple. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. And we saw how that submission to the husband, how that submission was a self-imposed submission. It was wives, submit yourselves to your husbands. It's not forced on the wife, but it's something that she does herself. It's a self-imposed submission. It's a specific submission to your own husband. There's not any other man involved in this. It's to your own husband, that one that is enjoined with you in that one flesh union of husband and wife. It was also a spiritual submission. You submit to your husband as unto the Lord, as is fitting to the Lord. And so we saw that as we submit our lives to Christ as a wife, part of that then is submitting our lives to our husband as the head of the home. But then we also saw it was a sweeping submission as we looked in Ephesians chapter five, that the wives are to submit to their husbands in all things. It's a continuous and a comprehensive submission. It's not a selective submission. And so we looked at that and we dealt with some of the hard issues that come from that as well. And then we looked at some other passages in the scripture to see a fuller view of what that looks like. And we saw in Titus chapter two and first Timothy five and even first Peter three, that the role and the priority of the wife in a Christian marriage is with her husband, her children and her home. That's the priorities that God has designed. That's where God is glorified. That's where the wife is satisfied. And we also dealt with some of the hard issues that flow from that as well. But notice I said specifically Christian marriage. I think that's key for us to remember. There is a difference between Christian marriage and non-Christian marriage. There should be a key difference when you see two Christians in marriage, because they should understand the purpose behind marriage. And the purpose behind marriage was to reflect the glory of God and to display Christ through the marriage. That's the purpose. And we looked at something that Ray Ortland had said, how he's describing how the roles of husband and wife work together to something far greater than the sinfulness of either the husband or the wife. And he said that the man is to love his wife by accepting the primary responsibility for making their partnership a platform displaying God's glory. And the woman is to love her husband by supporting him in that godly undertaking. And I would dare say that if we understood marriage from that perspective, that most of the problems would be solved or at least far lessened within our marriages if we would have that Godward, that Christ centered focus of our marriage that it was meant to be. And we saw as well that the relationship between husband and wife is key in the family. That's that's the first place where the children in the best place that the children see the picture of Christ and his church. That's where they see the gospel best. That's how they come to understand the sacrificial love of Christ and the submissive love of his church. We saw that in Ephesians chapter five. And so I think that's the reason why when Paul starts this section in Colossians three, verse 18, the first thing he does, he doesn't deal with Parents and children doesn't deal with the workplace. The first place he starts his husband and wife, because that's the key to everything. That's the center of the family. And that's the center of everything. Well, this time we will finally get to the husband and perhaps you wives will be happy. All right. Now, now we can maybe dig into the ribs of the husband for once. I can see how he reacts to this. And we will look at Colossians 319 to see the role of the husband and the command given to the husband. And since you like it when you have the same letter used for each point of a sermon today in Colossians 319, we're going to see the command given to the husband. We're then going to see the commentary given to the husband, but then we're going to see the caution given to the husband. So we'll see the command, the commentary and the caution. The commentary will be the biggest part of the sermon with Colossians 319 as our centerpiece. Let us read Colossians 3.18 and 19 together. I think it's extremely important. You can't take the command to one without understanding the command to the other. You can't, pardon the really bad pun, you can't divorce these two verses from each other. The command given to the husband and the command given to the wife. They don't make sense apart. They have to be together. And so in Colossians 3.18 and 19, the Word of God says, Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. This is the word of God. And so today, the command given to the husbands, the first part, what is this command given to the husbands? Well, you don't have to be really attentive or really bright to understand the command given to the husbands is, husbands, love your wives. Husbands, love your wives. And so the command is love. But also, the interesting thing is that love is the command. The command is love, but it's interesting that love is the command. Now, first of all, the command is love. Does this surprise you? If you've never read this before, would it surprise you when you read in that first verse in verse 18, wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Wouldn't you expect maybe the next thing to be husbands? Lead your wives. But yes, the husband is the lead. The husband is to be the head in the family. That's his role. That's his calling. But notice it doesn't say husbands lead. It says husbands love your wives. The emphasis is not on the leading, but it's how you lead, what kind of headship, what kind of leadership this is in the home. And if you don't understand that husbands are to love the wives, then the wives submission to the husband doesn't make a lot of sense. So I think it's very important that he doesn't say to lead. He says to love your wives. What that means is the husband's leadership in the home. If it's to be a Christ honoring headship, it must be characterized by love and it must be totally saturated with love. It's a love that rises above sexual and natural affection to a love for a wife as a sister in the Lord. It's a love that acts as a divine safeguard upon the husband's exercise of headship and authority. It's a love that leads to unselfishness. It's a love that leads to seeking and considering the wife's opinion and her well-being above his very own. That's the type of love we're talking about. Now, it's interesting then, the command is love, but love is the command? Can you command someone to love? Contrary to what the world would present as love? Love is a gushy feeling that just comes out because I just feel dreamy about you. Today, and maybe tomorrow, when you don't look so nice, you don't treat me so nice, I won't love you so much. Or ten years from now, when you're as wrinkled as I am, or as grey as I am, maybe that love doesn't feel so good anymore. That's the worldly love. But this is a love that is a command. God is commanding husbands to love. It's an imperative. You must love your wives. It's a continuous imperative. You must continue to love your wives, continuously loving your wives. It's not merely an emotion. It's not founded on physical attraction or physical pleasure. It flows out of a purposeful choice of the will. You are commanded to love your wives, husbands. Do you take that seriously? I don't care how you feel. It's a choice. It's a choice of the will that we love our wives. And God has commanded husbands to love our wives. So love is the command. And if you remember what happened beforehand in Colossians chapter 3, I fear we've gone so slow, you forgot everything we've done before Colossians 3.18. But you remember the earlier part of Colossians chapter 3, where Paul is saying, this is how you live the life of Christ. And you put off the old self and you put on Christ. And so even in the context of what we're looking at in Colossians 3, 18 and 19, I think we have a pretty good picture of what that could look like. Husbands, as you love your wife, remember earlier that you put off anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language and falsehood. Husbands, love your wives in this way. Remember earlier, Paul said to put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering, forbearance and forgiveness. And then he says, above all these things, you put on what? Love. This is in context, I think, a very good picture of what that looks like for a husband to love his wife and for the wife to love her husband. If it's good enough for loving the brethren, if it's this important to love the brethren in the church this way, then it's certainly a good thing, a good place to start for loving your wife, husbands. But I think there's a better commentary than even the context of Colossians 3, and that would be in Ephesians chapter 5, verses 22 through 33. So if you would turn to Ephesians chapter 5, verses 22 through 33. This is the greatest commentary. This is the second part, the commentary given to the husband. We've seen the command given to the husband is to love his wife. But now we have a commentary that gives us a lot more meat to chew on. And what does this look like? What are the principles behind this love for the wife? And then what are the purposes behind this love for the wife? And in fact, I'm going to look at Ephesians chapter five in that sort of division, I'm going to look at the first four verses, verses 22 through 25, to say, here's the principles of this love for the wife. But I'm going to look at the remainder of this through verse 33, to look at four key purposes of a husband's love for his wife, as he loves his wife, as Christ loves the church. This passage of scripture really is something that husbands and wives, you should be familiar with together. Maybe every anniversary that comes up, instead of buying a cheesy card for one another or trying to rack your brain on something nice to say for each other, pull out Ephesians chapter 5, verses 22 through 23 and read it together. Pray over it, meditate on it. This should be known between the husband and the wife. But I think especially the husbands, this should be a very comfortable and well-worn section of your Bible. Let's just read verses 22 through 33. If there's nothing else I say today, if everything else is wrong, if I read this, You have your charge, husbands. In verse 22 in Ephesians 5, wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands. Love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ in the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular. So love his own wife as himself. and let the wife see that she respects her husband. If you look at the first few verses, through verse, say, 25, I want you to look at some principles. The thing that jumps out here that you can't miss is that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. And so one of the things we need to look at then is, well, how does Christ love? And that's how we, as husbands, are to love our wives. And you notice that very first verse, I should say the second verse, in verse 23, Paul says, For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. He goes on to say that he gave himself for her. Notice when the Spirit gives us the example, the parts of Christ's headship over the church that the husbands are to imitate, under-exemplify, it doesn't emphasize Christ's lordship, does it? It doesn't say, husbands, your head over your wife, just as Christ's head and Lord over the church. No, it emphasizes Christ as the redeeming Savior, as the sacrificial servant. It emphasizes Christ as the one who is the savior of the body and the one who gave himself up for his bride to the church. That is how you, as husbands, are to be loving your wives. This is eye calling, brothers. This is not an easy thing, but the headship we've been given is a command to love and to serve and to sacrifice for our wife, as Christ does for the church. It's to be unselfish and to be purposing to serve the wife's best interest in her well-being. How does Christ love? Well, this could go on for hours if we search the scriptures and search what we know about Christ. How does Christ love? Well, Christ loves unconditionally. Christ loves not because of the church's attractiveness, not because of our great love to Him first, not because the way we submit to Him, not because we look so good or so lovable. In Romans chapter five, verse eight, God tells us that God demonstrates His own love toward us in this, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. It wasn't because we were so lovable. It's an unconditional love that Christ has, and so we as husbands, are to be loving our wives in the same way, unconditionally. Christ's love is unlimited. In John 13, verse 1, as He's preparing to talk with His disciples and preparing them for the time that He's going to leave them and to go to the cross. And when He starts off in John 13, verse 1, it says, Christ having loved His own who are in the world, He loved them to the end. That means He loved them to the full. The love of Christ for His people is a wholehearted Nothing held back love. He gave Himself for her. Husbands, we are to love our wives in an unlimited fashion like Christ loves. Christ's love for His church, for His bride is unceasing. He never says, He never can say, I don't love you anymore. I need to leave you. We as Christ's church, we rest secure in Christ because His love never fails and never, never stops. In Romans 8, verse 35, Paul asks rhetorically, Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. His love is unceasing. And husbands, as an aside, don't you dare ever even joke about divorce or a lack of love with your wife. Don't even go there. Christ's love for His bride is undeniable. In other words, it's easy to see, it's obvious, He loves us in a tangible way, not just by word, but indeed as well. How do you know that Christ loves the Church? You look to the cross in public view for all to see. In the shame of that, but in the glory of that, He displayed the love of God perfectly. He displays His perfect love for us on the cross. Your wife, husbands must know that you love her in a tangible, in an obvious way. I think that means with affection, with an arm around the shoulder, with not a forced anything, but your wife must know that you love her in a tangible, obvious way, through affection, through words and through your service and your sacrificial service to her. It must be known. And John says in 1 John 3, 16, that by this we know love because he laid down his life for us. And Jesus himself says, greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. So husbands, we are to love our wife undeniably. Obviously, everybody should know that you love your wife. But especially your wife should know. Well, that's some of the principles we could go on forever. I'm sure you're I hope you're thinking of other things. What about this with Christ? What about this aspect of Christ's love? But we only have so much time. Dive into the love of Christ and scriptures and enjoy. And then husbands understand that's the example you have to love your wives. Let's look at the remainder of Ephesians chapter five, starting in verse twenty five, but then to the rest of it, they get some specific purposes of this love, purposes of Christ's love for the church that we as husbands then should be purposing to have for our lives. Christ's love is a purposeful love. If you look at verse 25, after Paul says that Christ gave himself for his church, then in verse 26, it says that he might sanctify and cleanse her. Christ's love for the church is a purifying love. It seeks to purify the church. Christ's love for the church drove him to become sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God. And again, in John, chapter 13, before going to the cross, remember what Christ did? He knelt down and he washed the disciples feet. He said, all your bodies have been washed, but your feet need to be washed off. Christ was concerned not just about the salvation of his church, the cleansing of their sin, but also about the sanctification of the church, the cleansing as they walk along the way. That's the purifying love of Christ. The cleansing being the negative aspect that there's sin that needs to be dealt with. The sanctification being the positive aspect. We're pursuing Christ likeness. And that's the love that we should have for our wives. Our love for our wives should be a purifying love. We should be seeking the purity of our wives. True love seeks the purity of the object of our love. Don't you see that? Parents, if you have children, if your kids do something wrong, In public? Of course, maybe it's just, oh, I'm embarrassed because I'm the parent. Hopefully it's not that. But you hate to see those you love in a situation where there's blemishes, where there's defilement, where there's shame. It hurts you. True love desires purity. A really cheap and perhaps bad example is a man who buys a brand new car. There's no dents. There's no scratches. It's perfectly clean. I once had a neighbor who every weekend he would wash his car. and wax the thing. He'd spend hours every week making this thing look new. He loved that car. My poor car is very unloved. But then we get that first ding in the car, that first scratch. It's ruined. I love this car. Or if you're like us, the first time the bicycle handlebar goes great down the new van. Oh, well, but you get used to it. But how much more so than do we, as husbands, strive to see the purity of our wives? I would dare to say your wives are far more valuable than a new car, whether it's shiny and new or not. And so true love seeks the purity of that which we love. And so it's that much more true for our desire to see the purity of our wife. We must, as husbands, strive to know our wife's strengths and weaknesses and know what tempts her. So that we would strive to strengthen those weaknesses and that we would commit never to have a situation where we would be a part of tempting her to sin. Maybe your wife deals with anger or covetousness or jealousy when she gets weary because of all that she has to do, that that's when she's susceptible. As a husband, you're to be watching over that. And with your love, you'd be loving her in such a way that would purify her and strengthen those weaknesses and keep her from temptation. Oh, husbands, one thing I that drives me crazy is when husbands get together and they talk badly about their wives. Now, wives would never do that about their husbands, but sometimes husbands get together and complain about their wives about something they've done. Brothers, do not do that. If you love your wife and you seek for her purity and you love her with a purifying love, how can you publicly do anything that would cast her in a bad light? Bite your tongue and change your heart. But we're not to be putting her down in private either in your relationships with her. Do you are you quick to be angry with your wife? Are you quick to raise your voice at her when there's a disagreement or she's done something maybe you didn't like? Are you quick to lose your patience with her? Do not shame your wife in public or in private, but strive to purify her and to build her up in the Lord. And I must say, for those who are younger, who are not married young ladies. If a young man says he loves you, but yet He's pressuring you to be physically intimate, to show physical affection. That is not love. That is not love. You flee from that. True love purifies and seeks the purity of the object of love, not seeking to defile or to shame that object of love. So, husbands, let us love our wives with the love of Christ, with a purifying love. And those who are yet married and those who are young men, Prepare yourself to love a wife in such a way. It doesn't happen overnight. Prepare yourself now. The second thing I see here, starting in verse 26, is that Christ's love for his church is not only a purifying love, it's a purposeful love. It has a purpose, an end to it. It's not just, oh, I love you, honey. I really enjoy being with you. There's a purpose to it. There's an end to it. Look at starting in verse 26. He says that that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. To see that Christ's purpose for setting his love on his precious bride, the church was to sanctify and cleanser that he might present her to himself as a glorious church to build her up. That's the goal. That's the purpose. So this is a purposeful love that Christ has for the church. So, brothers, our love for our lives should be purposeful in the same way. proactively and purposely seeking for her sanctification and her growth in Christ, actively being unselfish and being the sacrificial means for her to become more and more like Christ, that in a sense, we could present her to Christ as a glorious bride. How do you do that? I'm glad you asked, how do you do that by being a spiritual leader at the home is the best place to start. Do you pray for your wife? Do you pray with your wife? Do you know the word of God and do you use that in your home? You see, part of the sanctifying and cleansing and building up in the home is the washing of the water of the word. Christ prayed for his people before he went to the cross. Sanctify them with thy truth. Your word is truth to you as a husband and as a father. Is the word of God presented widely in your home to sanctify and to cleanse and to build up your wife? Do you lead your family daily in times of family worship? Do you regularly ask your wife how she's doing spiritually and what she's reading, what the Lord is teaching her, and do you regularly actually listen to her after you ask those things? Do you share with your wife how you're doing and what you're understanding the word of God, how God is working in your life through his word and through prayer? Do you take the time to know your wife? You might know her and love her in this way to know where there needs to be work and where there needs to be prayer. Do you provide for her times of break? If she has kids at home, do you actively look for ways to relieve her and give her some time to have some rest and some quiet at some place to be relieved to actually have fellowship with others so she can have some time of refreshment? Do you seek those things? I purposely pose these things not as items that would answer the question, but as questions themselves, because I want us all as men, as husbands to say, is this really the love we have for our wives? Do we have a purposeful love for our wives that would be looking towards seeing them grow in Christ, like Christ had a purposeful love to see the church be made into a glorious, spotless church before him? That's the love we're to have for our wives, brothers. I dare to say that this thought doesn't enter our mind very often, if we'd be honest. Maybe it does, but in general, out of all the things we look at today, this might be the most neglected, but the most important thing in our marriage, from the love of the husband for other wives. Do you purpose, do you proactively seek to love your wives in this way? Way back in Colossians 1, verses 19-22, we read that the Father was pleased with Christ that the fullness of God could dwell in Him, that He would reconcile all things to Him, and He made peace through the blood of His cross. And then it says, Paul says, And you who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He, now Christ, has reconciled in the body of His flesh through death to present you holy and blameless. and above reproach in his sight. That's the purposeful, sanctifying, proactive love of Christ to build up his church, his bride. So, husbands, let us love our wives with the love of Christ, with a purposeful love that causes us to lay down our lives in our interest for the Christ-likeness of our wives. And young men and unmarried men, prepare yourselves now to love in such a way it doesn't happen overnight. Well, the third thing I see in here is starting in verse 28. Oh, our love for a wife is to be a love of Christ. It's to be a purifying love. It's to be a purposeful love, but it's to be a providing and protecting love. As we look at verses 28 and 29, a providing and protecting love. In verse 28, Paul says, So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. Well, that first part, we're to love our wives as our own bodies. We have become one. We are one flesh. We love them as we love ourself. And I would dare say even more so than we love ourselves. Isn't that the pattern in the body of Christ anyway? To consider others is better than yourselves. And we often provide and protect for our own bodies without being told. It's something we do without even thinking to provide for our bodies. Now, it is interesting in our society, is there ever been a time in human history where the external body has been so utterly emphasized to such an extent? Whether it be through surgery or working out or whatever it is, we emphasize the outer so much, which is silly because over time the outer just doesn't keep up anymore, does it? And then you're left with what? But the point of this is that we are to love our wives as our own bodies. How do we provide to protect our own bodies? That's how we love our wife. Well, Christ loves the church by nourishing and cherishing her. The scripture says those two words are wonderful words. Christ nourishes and cherishes the church, and that's how we are to be with our wives, husbands. That word for nourish means to feed, to develop, to nurture. Christ, doesn't he nurture and provide abundantly for his bride that she might grow and be the spotless bride that he determines her to be? And the word for cherish literally means to warm with body heat. It's almost like a picture of the mother bird snuggling the baby birds into her in the nest and making a nest and warming them and nurturing them and developing an environment then where they can grow and nurture and become what God has meant them to be. Do you see how that applies to us husbands? When we think of providing and protecting for our wives, we think, I earned the money, I put the bread on the table. Well, of course, she takes it and spends all the time cooking it and messing with it after you've done that. This is not talking about merely putting food on the table. This is talking about we as husbands cherishing our wife as a precious gift, which she is from Christ himself to us. And we are to strive to know her and to know how to nurture her, to know how to warm her, that we might know how to sacrificially love her and build her up in her whole person, in her whole well-being. That's our job as we provide and protect for our wives that she might develop in as our sister in Christ, as a godly mother, as a godly wife. And in whatever endeavor that God has for her, we as husbands are to be watching over that and nourishing and cherishing as Christ loves the church. A wonderful verse that shows this is in First Peter, chapter three, verse seven. I'll just do this very briefly. We looked at the first six verses in First Peter three last time, but after the wives are told to submit to their husbands, then in First Peter three, seven, Peter says, Husbands, likewise, which talks about a mutual humility there, doesn't it? Dwell with them. Dwell with your wives. Live with your wives with understanding. Maybe we could just stop there for most of us husbands. Live with your wives with understanding. This is giving honor to the wife as the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. But an entire sermon could flow out of this. But I think it's good to see how does this work in our providing and protecting? Well, we're to live with our wives with understanding. We're to talk with her. We're to listen to her. We're to have patience with her. We're to have sensitivity with her. We're to turn off the TV and get away from the computer. and spend time with their wives and knowing her. So we might live with her with understanding. We'll be giving honor to her as a weaker vessel. I think the obvious part is that God has made men and women differently. And men are generally the stronger one of the two physically. What this does, this is biblical chivalry. One of the easy ways that you can honor your wife is the weaker vessels to open doors for her, to take out the trash for her. These are very simple ways. I found out recently, even after 22 years of marriage, to fill up the van with gas in the wintertime for her. That was an easy one to learn. But that's a way of saying, I'll do this for you. You don't have to do this. I'll honor you in this way. That's obviously going to play out differently depending on the family we're talking about. In some families, we mow the yard. In some families, the wife says, I'd like to mow the yard because I need the exercise. So this isn't a one-size-fits-all thing, but we're to be finding ways in which to sacrifice for a wife by doing something for her and even physically to show it. And let me ask you, husbands, do you seek ways to sacrifice for your wife? When is the last time you purposely sought a way to sacrifice, do some work of sacrifice for your wife? I'm not talking about building her a new house or something huge like it. I'm just talking about, is that ever into your mind? How can I sacrifice for my wife? It might be as easy as this. You've had a rotten day at work. And some of us have talked about that recently. You have a rotten day at work and it's frustrating and you're going home. Here's something that's wonderful for you and for your family. One of the best ways to deal with frustration is find something to do for someone else. Get your mind off of your own troubles. So as you're driving home from work, say, God, give me an easy way to sacrifice in some way for my wife. And it might be as easy as, honey, I'll bathe the kids tonight. I'll wash the dishes tonight. I don't know what it could be, but seek for ways to sacrifice for your wife. in simple ways, honoring her in that way. Well, then he says this one thing, I think that brings it back down in verse seven, he says, after saying the wife is the weaker vessel, he says, as being heirs together of the grace of life. In other words, I'm not saying that one is greater than the other. You're equal in Christ. You're co-heirs in Christ. That's the foundation of your relationship anyway. She is your sister in Christ. You are co-heirs and you're equal in Christ. And so honor her in that way and treat her in that way. And notice that the way you treat your wife is such an integral part of your life as a Christian man, that if you're failing in that way, your prayers will be hindered. It's sin that separates you in your communion with God. This is an important thing to be taken care of. So, husbands, let us love our wives with the love of Christ, a love that provides and protects our wives and sacrifices in these ways. And young men, again, prepare yourselves to love in the same way. The last thing I see here is the remainder of it, maybe verses 28 through 33. We've talked about a purifying love, a purposeful love, a providing and protecting love. But the other thing I see here is a possessive love. I think this is so important that I've said this before and other sermons. But I think when the One of the main goals that we should have as men is to get to that point where we understand the possessive love of our wives, that this is my wife, not any other wife. There's nobody else I even care to think about or look at. This is my wife. And I think we see that here when Paul says that, well, even before he said, love your wives as your own body. And then in verse 30, he says, we are members of his body, of his flesh and his bones. And he refers back to Genesis, the whole creation account of marriage. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular love his own wife as himself. And let his wife then respect her husband. This is a possessive love. This is the getting the point where I recognize that this is the wife that God has given me and only for me. And he has created me and only me for her. I think especially for our young men. And we live in a society where there's pictures and movie screens and all sorts of things that just keep flashing in our heads that are tempting us with things that maybe look better. They're not reality, men. Those pictures you see or the movies you see, if you'd see those same women in real life, they wouldn't look like that. It really doesn't matter. And again, in five years, they won't look like that anyway. That's stupid. And so we're bombarded with all these enticements to get our eyes and our hearts off of our wives in so many ways. It doesn't have to be sexual. It can be other things as well. But we have to get to that point where we say, this is my wife. I know her. She knows me. I was made for her. She was made for me. And that heightens our conviction to love her and to keep our heart and our eyes from wandering anywhere else for any other reason. Oh, those of us who have been married for a while. I've been married for 22 years. I love my wife. When I put my arm around her, I can feel her shoulder. It's like having that easy chair that you're used to sitting in for 20 years, right? Okay, that's not so romantic, right? But I know what my wife's shoulder feels like. I know the look that she gives me when she's happy. I know the look she gives me when she's troubled. I know the things that she does and only she can do that bring me joy. This is my wife. This is the wife that I've experienced years of joy together that nobody else could share with her or with me. This is the wife that I've shared horrible trials with and I've shed tears with and wept with her. Scars we've experienced together. These are our scars. These are our joys. This is my wife. We've got to come to that point where we say, this is my wife, I possess her. And she possesses me. One of the most wonderful scriptures is in 1 Corinthians 7. It's startling for the time period in 1 Corinthians 7, verses 3 and 4, where Paul says that a husband is to render the affection due to his wife. His wife can demand affection, and likewise, the wife is to be rendering affection to the husband. And then he says the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. This was a shocking thing to say at the time this was written. In fact, everything I've said today would be shocking at the time it was written. This was not how it was. Wives were not treated with such with such glory and such attention, such importance and such equality. And then to say that the wife owns the body of the husband and likewise, this would make no sense. But this is what God lays down for the marriage. It's a beautiful thing. Learn to possess your wives, to love her in that way. I don't mean in a controlling way. You understand that? I would say as well, since when we look at the picture of the wife and the husband, this is a picture of Christ in the church. It's the same thing in the church. Learn to love your church family. They're not perfect. Your wife is not perfect. And husbands, we know we are not perfect. But she's my wife. He's my husband. This is my church family. I love them. Problems and all. And what happens even in a church family, we had new members last Sunday and right now it's perhaps a honeymoon experience. This is the greatest church ever. Really? But just hold on in three to six months as you get to know us even better, you find out. But they're just as sinful as I am. They have as many problems as I do. And then conflicts come. So be careful. It's the same thing in the marriage. So this is also the same way that Christ loves His church. He loves His church with a possessive love. A possessive love. We are His sheep. He loves us with a particular love. He died for us and us alone. He died particularly for you. He suffered on the cross, the wrath of God for our sins specifically. It's a possessive, a specific love. He knows our name. We know His voice. And none of us can be snatched from His hand. That's the type of love that we as husbands need to have for wives. So husbands, let us love our wives with this possessive love of Christ. And young men, prepare yourselves to love a wife in the same way. Well, quickly, then, the third point is we've talked about the command given to the husbands to love your wives. We talked about the commentary, which we've just gone through as quickly as we could. There's so much more that can be said. But now the last part is the caution given to the husband back in Colossians three, verse 19, the second half. Paul says an interesting thing. It almost seems like. What is that for? We're talking about love, he says, and do not be bitter toward them. Why bitter? Well, one thing we need to note, though, if the Holy Spirit records this, it must be something that we need to be dealing with. You might think that you're not a bitter man, but if this is something we're warned about, this is something we have to be careful of or it wouldn't be written down. And Paul cautions the husband. to not be bitter with his wife. Some versions say to not be harsh, but I think bitterness is the better word. Out of bitterness flows harshness. And that's why it's so important that if you have an attitude of bitterness towards your wife, then out of that flows the harshness and then the abuse of your leadership and your headship and the lack of love then follows. Why would a husband become bitter? If you think about it, there'd be things that would come to your mind. Perhaps a husband doesn't feel like he's being respected. He doesn't feel like he's being followed. There's a lack of submission. You know that when a wife is behind her husband, when a husband's made a decision he's going to do something, he knows his wife is behind him. He can run through a brick wall. I admit I'm that way. If I know my wife is fully behind me on something, I become Superman. As close as I can get. But when my wife is not for me, If my wife is not submitting in some area, or we're conflicted, then it's like ripping out your husband's spine. He's a spineless jellyfish husband, often. And then the way you cover that is, is you become bitter. You cover, ah, wife. So you cover your own frailty because you become bitter towards your wife. And Paul warns the men not to be bitter, but to love as Christ loves. I think the main reason though bitterness can happen is this. The husband might see the marriage and see his wife. This comes back to your honeymoon experience. Like we talked about with you join a new church, you're in the honeymoon experience. Everything's great. But over time, you realize that everything's not perfect. And the husband sees his wife and sees his marriage. He says, this is not what I had planned. This is not what I expected. My ideal thought of marriage is not as good as it looks when it becomes reality. And so I'm I'm bitter. She's not perfect. This is the wife I married or this isn't the wife I expected her to be. And you forget that she, like yourself, is a sinner in desperate need of Christ day by day by day. And you selfishly become bitter. In fact, you even have the thought of I deserve better than this. I think that's where the root of bitterness gets rooted. That's where it flows from. This is not what I wanted. I deserve better than this. And bitterness flows, but husband, If that thought ever enters your mind, stop it. Do you know what you really deserve? How can you dare, knowing what Christ has done for you and what your sinful state is before Christ, can you dare say, I deserve better than this? Do you know what you really deserve outside of Christ? And so you deserve much, much worse. So that should motivate us then to love our wives with the love of Christ as He loved us. If anybody could say, I deserve better than this, I think Christ could do so. So love of Christ is our example. We remember how he strives with us and continue to strive with us. And we are to love our wives in the same way. And the bitterness is then driven away as we close our worship service today, we will sing one of our favorite hymns. One, there is above all others that speaks about that what Christ continues to do for us, what he continues to bear for us. But yet he still loves us unconditionally. Unlimitedly, undeniably. And I even forgot the fourth one there, but he loves us with an unbounded love that we don't deserve, but he does because he chooses to do so. So in closing, I do want to say this. The last time when we looked at the role of the wife, we looked at the command given to the wife. That's a hard command for the wife. But we also close by saying husbands and young men who are wanting to be husbands, do you understand the great responsibility you have as a husband? If the wife comes and voluntarily says, I'm going to be your wife, I'm going to voluntarily submit to you and I'm going to be a helpmate for you and to support you in glorifying God together. And she gives up in so many ways her rights, her desires, her needs. That's a great responsibility for the husband. It should have left you with that thought. Wow. But now that we've seen this, you love your wife as Christ loves the church. Now, how do you feel? How do you feel? It's even a greater responsibility, isn't it? This command to love your wife as Christ loves the church, it can only be done with a new heart provided by Christ Jesus himself. It can only be done when the husband and the wife submit each other before Christ and then lovingly work together to accomplish this. I used to say that Christian marriage is like a dance. It's like a beautiful dance where the one who leads and the one who follows, they're in perfect step. Nobody's stepping on each other's toes. And you don't even notice who's leading and following. It's a beautiful dance. It's a beautiful picture of love between husband and wife. But I was wrong. The more I studied, the more I come to realize that, oh, it is a picture. It is a beautiful dance. But it's a dance where you can tell who's leading and who's following. It's not hiding the leadership and the following. It's not hiding the role of the husband and the wife. It's a beautiful dance that because of the leadership and the following of the husband and wife, because of the beautiful submission, the picture of the church to Christ and the beautiful picture of Christ loving the church is being displayed in all this glory and all this beauty and a perfect, a godly marriage. And it is a beautiful dance. And what makes it so beautiful is the roles being acted out and fulfilled as God has designed it. And so may our marriages glorify God and exalt Christ. May we seek God's strength and favor to dance well as husband and wife and thus display the greater beauty of Christ in the church and to display the gospel to our family and to the world. Let's pray. Dear Heavenly Father, how much like last time when we preached on the role of the wife, the number of things that could be said are limitless and time constrains us so much. But I pray, Lord, that the husbands, we husbands in this room would understand that the wonderful calling we have, Lord, that you have blessed us with wonderful wives who have been made for us and we for them. But we have a great responsibility to love them as Christ loves the church, to love them in a purifying way, in a purposeful way, in a protective and providential way, and to love them, Lord, in a possessive way. And Lord, may we in our families, may we in our marriages display the love of Christ, display the beautiful picture of Christ in his church, that our family would see, that the world would see. And I pray for our young men or those who are not married who would plan to be, Lord, I pray that you would begin working in their hearts now to prepare them for such a thing. Please prepare them ahead of time, that you would build them up to be the godly man in preparation to be the godly husband that you would call them to be. And Lord, may we as a church reflect the love that a church should reflect for Christ, and even in our fellowship, reflect the love that we should have for one another in much the same way. For your glory and for the exaltation of Christ Jesus, we say in his name we pray.