If you will, be opening your Bibles in the Old Testament to Isaiah chapter 55. Our sermon text today is over two readings, but just a few verses. The first in the Old Testament, Isaiah 55 verses 8 and 9. And then we'll also read one verse in the New Testament, Ephesians chapter 4 and verse 29. Today, we're wrapping up the series that we have been briefly studying together over the first month of this year, a series in which we have been thinking about marriage as a type of the marriage that we were made for. Marriage, human marriage, as a covenantal, typological, analogical relationship that points us to the greater relationship that God made us to enjoy. A relationship with Himself in His Son, who is the bridegroom of His Church. This has been a series on marriage that is not just for married people or for those who expect or plan to be married one day. This is a series about marriage for all Christians, because as Paul says in Ephesians chapter five, and we've looked at over the last several weeks, this is a great mystery. But what the Bible teaches us about marriage is actually teaching us about Christ and the church. We want to learn how to more perfectly follow the Lord's will in terms of our own human marriages. We want to be better husbands and better wives, and we want to see God's grace at work in our homes and in the relationship that he has ordained. But more than anything, we want to learn in the course of our marriages and in the course of our sojourn in the present age, how to draw closer to Jesus. who is the one person who will never let us down or disappoint us in any way. Before we read God's Word, let's bow and ask His blessing upon Him. Our God and Father, as we come to this final section of our study on marriage, we pray that Your Spirit would open the eyes and the hearts of every person in this place, that we might see anew, oh Lord, how gracious you are in condescending to make yourself known and to redeem a people for yourself. Impress upon us, O Lord, the ways in which your own love and condescension forms a pattern for us that we might know how to relate to and communicate with and serve one another, not only in our homes, O Lord, but certainly there. Would your spirit be our teacher and help us that we might understand and rightly apply all that we learn from your word this day. In Jesus' holy name, amen. Hear now God's word, Isaiah chapter 55, verses eight and nine. The Lord himself speaking through the prophet says this, for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares Yahweh. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. And then from the New Testament, Ephesians chapter four, And verse 29 from the pen of Christ's servant, Paul, the Lord himself speaks. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear. Thus far, God's word, may he add his blessing to it. Our culture is presently trying to convince you that boys and girls are essentially the same. That even the way that we frame that issue, boys and girls, is itself narrow-minded, outdated, exclusivist. That boys and girls shouldn't even be thought of necessarily as boys and girls, but these are more fluid categories. But regardless of what our culture is trying to convince you with regard to these things, hopefully you all have noticed by now that boys and girls are different. We're different in many different ways. We're different physically, mentally and emotionally. And it should be noted, of course, and conceded that this does not mean that all boys and men are exactly the same or that all girls and women are exactly the same. There are categorical differences between the sexes, but these characteristics are not uniformly present in every individual within both classes. And so some men are more emotionally sophisticated than others, and some women are less so. Some women are more aggressive, and some men are less so. We can make general characterizations, but there's a great deal of nuance and care that must be exercised in applying these sorts of characterizations. But regardless of the variations within categories, there are very clearly differences. And those differences are important to know and recognize in terms of communication. In fact, it's those differences that make communication often difficult between men and women, and this is exacerbated in many ways in marriage. We've been looking all this month at the covenantal and typological aspects of marriage, how God ordained and designed marriage to function as a picture of the gospel and as an instrument of sanctification. And as we draw this study to a close, there is a lot more that could be said. But before we end, I want to encourage us to reflect today on how God's condescension in revelation and redemption should shape our thinking about the practice of communication in covenantal marriage. How does God's condescension in revelation and redemption shape our thinking about communication in the covenant of marriage? As we've said in the prior lessons in this series, we are not simply talking to married people or to those who will one day be married. These lessons are not unique to marriage. These are gospel principles that apply to us in a wide variety of relationships and circumstances. The Lord gave us marriage to teach us fundamentally about the church's relationship to Christ and whether one is married or ever will be, the lessons that we learn there should be integrated in the rest of our Christian life. The way that you are supposed to treat your spouse is not materially different than the way you should treat your brethren and all men. The specific applications will change. The intensity of communion will certainly be greater in marriage. But the basic principles by which the gospel would help us think about our relations to other image bearers and to all of God's people remain unchanged. In this lesson, I want to briefly examine the nature and necessity of God's condescension in his self-revelation and his redemptive work. What ought we to learn about loving, serving, and relating to each other from God's voluntary humility in this regard? How is his condescension a pattern for effective and gracious communication? And I want to look at those ideas with you under three headings today. Men and women are different, but we are all human beings. We don't belong to entirely different classifications. We are only different sexes of the same type of creature. Despite all of our differences, men and women are far more alike. than we are different. And if Sunday morning is a stressful period in your marriage, as I know it is for many of God's people, you're trying to get out the door, you're trying to make sure that the kids are reasonably bathed and dressed, and you're rushing to get to worship, it's not always the greatest moment of affection and communion in a marriage. Sunday morning, we're all stressed as we rush on our way to be at peace in Christ. It may not feel this morning like you're more alike than you are different, but that's true. You are. You are both image bearers of God. We are all, men and women, biopsychosocial creatures, beings composed of body and soul, destined for an everlasting existence, either in communion with God in the new heavens and earth or in misery in hell. It is foolish to deny or disregard the significant differences that exist between men and women, especially when it comes to relating to our own spouse, but it would be just as foolish to disregard the similarities that exist between us. It may be cute to describe the difference between men and women as being that one is from Mars and the other is from Venus, but that is not ultimately true. Your spouse is a divine image bearer. And if he or she is also a believer, then he or she is a redeemed and adopted child of the heavenly father and servant of Jesus Christ and temple of the Holy Spirit. And that spiritual and unchangeable identity is the basis of our relationship with one another. That is how you and I are to relate to each other as brethren in Christ. How much more than the person who on this earth will enjoy a more intimate communion with you than any other, your spouse. You and I must learn to relate to our mates as brothers and sisters in the family of God, as fellow servants of the Lord Jesus, as those who have been consecrated to be dwelt within by God's Holy Spirit. The basis of our relationship is not all of the things that may distinguish us physically, mentally, emotionally. but it is rather those spiritual sameness in terms of our mutual relation to God. Now, while men and women are like one another in many ways, God is not like us at all. And that's what he's saying through the prophet Isaiah in the text that we read. We are made like God in certain respects. He is not like us in any way. And this is a very common mistake that people make. They imagine God as if he were like us, as if he were one of us, just simply more. He's wiser, he's stronger, he's better than we are, but he is nevertheless in the same basic category. That is, let me say kindly, an idolatrous view of God. It has more in common with Greek paganism than with historic and biblical Christianity. God is not merely more. God is other. He is not like us. He has made us, as His image bearers, like Him in certain limited respects. But the reverse is not true. Listen to the testimony of Scripture. 1 Samuel 2, verse 2, no one is holy like the Lord. For there is none besides you, nor is there any rock like our God. Hannah is not saying God is the greatest of the category. She's saying he is in a category unto himself. Numbers chapter 23 and verse 19. God is not a man that he should lie, nor a son of man that he should repent. Those are properties that are particular to human beings. These are creaturely qualities. God does not possess those because He is not a creature. What about the psalmist in Psalm 147 in verse 5? Great is our Lord and mighty in power. His understanding, notice, is infinite. It's not just a quantitative difference, it's a qualitative difference. Our understanding is, by definition, finite. God's understanding is in another category altogether. What about Paul in Romans chapter 11 and verse 33? Oh, the depth of the riches, both of the wisdom and knowledge of God. How unsearchable are his judgments and his ways past finding out. We make the mistake oftentimes because God has condescended to make himself known. We make the mistake that inferring from that, that God can therefore be comprehended. God is knowable because He has made Himself knowable, but He cannot be comprehended, not by finite, fallible creatures. He is the infinite, infallible Creator. God has come down so that we might know Him, know who He is, and that we might enter into relationship with Him by His sovereign and gracious covenant. But if He did not stoop down in that way, we would not know Him in any respect. Do you understand this? He lies outside of our ability to even perceive unless and until He makes Himself perceivable. It is because God has stooped down that we know that He is there. It is because He has placed His fingerprint upon our hearts. So that it doesn't matter if a person has a Bible or not, the heavens declare the glory of God. But that heaven is itself God's handiwork. It is his work in making himself known in the works of creation and in providence. We cannot fully comprehend God because we lack the capacity to do so. We are creatures. He is the creator. And there is an immeasurable gap between our nature. He is of a different sort, a different type of being than our own being. And the difference, as we said, is not quantitative. It's not that God is simply more. It's a qualitative difference. He is other than we are. And once we understand this, it makes God's revelation all the more remarkable. How can we, who are so constrained as finite beings, how can we know the infinite God? Do you understand that from an ontological standpoint, in terms of the question of being, we have more in common with ants than we do with God? But you may say, well, that's just irreverent, Pastor. We are image bearers. We're in a completely different category than ants. In one sense, no doubt that's true. But do you understand that we are creatures? We may be greater creatures than the other creatures that God has made, but we're still in that category, and God is not. You see, from an ontological standpoint, God is in a class by himself, and we all are in a different class. God has graciously condescended. He has stooped down because there was no other way to reach us. He has made himself known to us. The Bible speaks as if God has eyes, hands, arms, a mouth, a back like man. Not because God has these things. God is spirit. He is invisible. No man has seen him or can see him because he does not have material existence. It doesn't mean he's not real. It doesn't mean he's imaginary. It means he has a different sort of existence than what your mind can even imagine. And so how does God reveal himself to us? How does he make himself known? Calvin describes this anthropomorphic language in scripture as a nurse speaking to an infant. He's lisping to us. He's talking baby talk to us. He's showing himself to us in small words and in ways that we can tangibly understand. Have you ever thought to ask the question, what language does God speak? Do you realize that everything God says and shows about himself has to be translated into a form of communication that we can perceive and understand? Every way he's made himself known, that's true. The very act of creating is itself an act of communication. There is no work of creation without a covenantal condescension and communication from the divine to the creature. Right now, we're thinking ideas as we look at each other, but except insofar as we read one another's body language clues or can guess what's being thought about, we don't know. We cannot effectively perceive or receive those ideas in each other's minds right now. Our thoughts as human beings are not communication. In order to communicate, we must express our thoughts in a form that others can perceive as communication and can understand. That is the basis of communication. You cannot communicate unless ideas are expressed and received in words that are perceptible and understandable. And that's why Paul says in first Corinthians, chapter 14, that it is inappropriate for unknown languages to be spoken in Christian assemblies unless they were interpreted. He says, I may be speaking well enough, but if I'm speaking in a language you do not understand, even if I'm speaking truth, we're not communicating. It doesn't do you any good for me to speak truth in a language that you don't know. You may recognize that it's communication, but it's not being received because there is no understanding. And the same is true in our marriages. You may feel like your spouse is speaking a different language at times. But you need to recognize that for a communication to take place, there has to be the same sort of condescension manifesting thought, expressing ideas in ways that are perceptible and understandable to the target audience. God's condescension in his self-revelation refers to stooping down to make his person, presence, and will known unto us. He has to stoop down because he is so far above us. He is so much greater than us. He is in a different category altogether than we are. Now, we're not saying that husbands and wives should be condescending to each other. And I realize that our word condescend carries with it some idiomatic baggage. that we would not attribute to God's condescension in revelation and redemption. But what we are suggesting today is that God's condescension in revelation is helpful in thinking about the nature of covenantal communication. Remember that all of the covenantal relationships that we enjoy, whether it is as husbands and wives, parents and children, brethren in the Lord's Church, whatever covenants man may have under heaven, right, are but themselves patterns, types, shadows, imperfected forms of the perfect covenantal relationship between God and his people. And so how does God communicate in that relationship? And what can we learn about communicating better with one another in these lesser relationships? We have to learn to stoop down. And it's not because we are in a position of superiority to our spouse. If you imagine that, then you've already started off on the wrong foot and you need to repent. But we stoop down in recognition of the fact that our spouse may not communicate in the same ways that we do. We have to learn how to speak that person's language and express ideas in ways that are perceptible and understandable to our mate. Oftentimes in marriage, one party sends signals that they think are clear and the other party does not receive them even as communication. They don't recognize that's a signal. This is normally we all know that the wife is sending a signal and the husband does not receive on that wavelength. He cannot recognize that signal because he does not receive information in that way. Ideas must be perceptible as a form of communication. You have to express yourself in a way that the other party says they're trying to say something to me. You know, I'm dense, but I know that when the arms are crossed and she's frowning and she's like not talking, that she's trying to say something to me without talking to me, right? You have to acknowledge that there is communication here and that communication has to be understandable. I have to know what it means. I have to seek to learn what it means. Now, popular media has spent the last 20 or 30 years, at least, seriously denigrating the image of men in their roles as husbands and fathers. I want to say this real quickly, almost as an aside, except that it's very, very closely bound up with this idea of communication. Whereas older portrayals of men in their roles as husbands and fathers, popular media, particularly in the 1940s and 50s, would portray men as wise and strong and reliable, more recent depictions show the man as a fool and an object of ridicule. This is not a true representation of men in the Holman family. In fact, neither portrayal may be accurate, because the father is neither a bulletproof sage, nor is he a moron. At least we hope that most of us are not. But what men are, as a general rule, is emotionally simple. Not simple-minded, but emotionally simple. That is not complex. Women, by contrast, as a general rule, are far more emotionally complex. And we're not saying that one is good or bad or better than the other. We're simply talking about the number of moving parts. Most men have fewer moving parts in their emotional center than most women do. Now there are exceptions on both sides of the gender divide, but this is generally true. And it's helpful because a man's emotional simplicity enables him typically to focus and push through and do hard things that would be more difficult for a person who is more sensitive and sympathetic. The woman, on the other hand, her emotional complexity makes her far more empathic and a better mother and caregiver and supporter than most men ever could be. One is not better than the other, but those differences in emotional structure are very important for knowing how to relate to and communicate with one another. Guys, if you treat your wife like she is your male friend, as if she's one of your buddies, it's not going to go well. And the reverse is true, ladies. He is not like all of your girlfriends. He does not communicate in the same way because he's not made up in the same way. Many women assume that their husbands are as emotionally sophisticated as they are, and that impacts how they try to communicate. But ladies, I want to tell you, your husbands may not pick up on signals no matter how clear you think they are. Most men don't do subtle. They need clear expressions of straightforward ideas. Many men, by contrast, assume that their wives are as emotionally simple as they are, and that impacts how they try to communicate. Brother, your wife is picking up on signals that you don't even know you are sending. You don't mean it to be a signal, but she interprets your body language, your tone, your level of eye contact, your level of enthusiasm as communication. We have to recognize this. This is part of how God made us. The issue of emotional structure has another implication for covenantal relations as well. Because men are emotionally simpler, women have a much greater ability to influence their husband by their behavior than vice versa. Almost an unfair advantage, ladies. And it is not true for the husband. The husband cannot influence you as easily He cannot because of the issue of emotional sophistication. There are just too many moving parts inside your head and your heart. And it's going to take more time for his change in behavior and attitude to begin to make an impact on how you think about and relate to him. But ladies, your husband is emotionally simple. If you show your husband the respect and appreciation and honor that he may not deserve, but that he deeply needs and desires, you will find that most men will practically kill themselves trying to love and serve you. Men typically don't hold grudges the way that women do. That's not true of all men, and it's not true of all women. But typically, it's for this very reason. And you start loving him and respecting him and treating him like the hero that he's not been. And he will wear himself out trying to become that hero that you think he is. A wife is often able to impact her marriage more quickly for good or bad by altering her attitude and behavior than if her husband was to do so. And that doesn't mean that husbands are not therefore responsible to repent and make positive changes. It only means that the impact of the wife doing so is usually quicker and greater. But on the other hand, the husband is responsible for the situation in his home. Husbands, you may or may not be the primary contributor to the stress and strain in your marriage, and you do not have the same ability necessarily to affect positive change in a short period of time by your personal repentance. But you are responsible for the situation because God has put you in a position of responsibility. That's what it means to be in a position of authority. That's what it means to be a leader. Not saying everything is my fault, but taking ownership of it, taking responsibility for it. And you may say that's unfair, but that is simply what it means to be a leader in the home. And if you can't deal with that unfairness, young men, don't get married. and men who are already married and who still don't think they can deal with that unfairness, repent of thinking that you can't deal with it and ask God's help, because you must deal with it. This is what it means to be in the position that God has called you to. You cannot and must not wait for your wife to make changes. You are responsible for taking the lead and confessing your faults, repenting of your sins and selfish habits, and practicing obedience as the representative of the Lord Jesus. in your marriage, and in your family. In our relationship with the Lord, it is His sovereign, gracious, undeserved love that has a transforming influence on our hearts, minds, and actions. None of us have the power over our spouses that God has over us. But every one of us is called to be imitators of God as dear children, and to walk in love as Christ has loved us. Do you see the idea of this pattern? We are not suggesting that the primary significance of the Father's love and the atoning work of Christ and the outpouring of God's Spirit, that the primary significance of that is as a pattern for Christian living. No. But what we are saying is that the Bible says it is also a pattern for covenantal relationships. The primary significance is purchasing redemption for the people of God, saving a people for himself, by himself. But now that you're redeemed, where do you go to learn how to live in covenant communion with others? You don't go just to the self-help section of the bookstore. You don't turn to unbelieving authors and counselors and speakers as helpful as some of their ideas may or may not be. You go to scripture and you say, God, how did you love me? God, how did you speak to me? God, how do you live in communion with me? We are to take the initiative in showing love and kindness. And this initiative is the transforming influence that God may use to help our spouse also change. And so as we've said several times already in this series, this series of studies comes out of many years of pastoral counseling with marriage problems. And when someone comes and says, Pastor, I've fallen out of love for my spouse. I've fallen out of love with my wife. You say, that's OK. You can repent of that. And you must. This is not about how you feel. This is about the position that you choose to place yourself in, the posture that you adopt because of the posture that God has adopted towards you, because of the love that He has shown to you, because of the grace that He has poured out upon you. It is not about your spouse at all. Your spouse is simply the opportunity that you have right now to respond to the love of your Lord. In Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages, he uses this analogy of language to describe the different ways that individuals communicate and receive love from a spouse. He suggests that Christian spouses speak one of five love languages. There's some helpful things in the book, some other things that could be critiqued, but I'm primarily interested in this metaphor of different languages for thinking about covenantal condescension. in communication. You are not superior to your spouse. You are not of a different essence than your spouse. And so to that extent, there is neither the need nor even the possibility of true condescension. But you are not your spouse. And no matter how similar you may be in your personality or preferences, you probably do not see the world around you or express ideas in exactly the same way. And some of you may say, I'm not interested in learning different languages. I just think it's weird that some people like to do that. But if you want to communicate effectively with your spouse, you must learn to speak a different language. You have to learn theirs. You cannot sit back and say, if they want to communicate with me, they can learn to speak my language. Husbands, you must not say, I'm the head of the house, and so it's my job to lead the way and speak the truth, and it's your job to figure out what that means. No. No, it is your job to lead the way and to speak truth in a way that she can understand. And in order to do that, you have to stoop down and speak that language. The Lord did not simply adhere to his natural form of communication, whatever that might be like among the persons of the Trinity. If he had, we never would have known it, for we could not have even perceived it. When God spoke to us, he used a language that we could understand. He adopted words and phrases and images that conveyed meaning to our simple, finite minds. He gave us metaphors and analogies to help us think in earthly ways about heavenly things without confusing those heavenly things as if they were earthly. He describes his love and wrath and patience, decisions, sorrow and justice in ways that we can relate to, not because these are comprehensive and ultimate expressions of his person in ways, but because we could not conceive of him and them in any other way. How are you going to describe the love of God? You realize how our word love fails in this regard? You think you know what love is, but John says this is how we know what love is, by His love for us. Do you get the sense that when we talk about God's love, we're thinking about a love of a different quality, a different category altogether than what we associate with that term? I mean, after all, we say, I love my spouse and I love hot dogs, right? I mean, these two things don't go together. I love my spouse and God loves me. These two things are dim reflections of one another at best. We greatly err if we think of God as if he were defined or limited by these forms of expression. They are true expressions of him and they are adequate for the purpose that they're intended, but they are still incomplete. So the question is, how far are you willing to go to communicate with your spouse? Sometimes our failure to communicate effectively is because we make mistakes or we're careless in our attempts to do so. But sometimes our failure to communicate is because we simply don't care at all. And this is normally when the pastor ends up getting involved. One person believes that he or she made it clear to the other, and they're not willing to go any further to see that understanding is reached because I've already done my part. I've already said my piece, right? Now the ball is in their court. That is wicked. That's a wicked attitude, brother. May God forgive us for it. We must be convinced by the spirit to do better than that. How did God speak to us? He speaks to us humbly and graciously and patiently. Are we not called to walk in the same love towards one another, to use words that are gracious in speaking to each other? In marriage and in many other relationships, we must stoop down and study how to speak to others, in this case, our spouse, in words and ways that he or she can understand. And that means paying attention to each other and being unselfish in our attempts at communication. I want you to think about this before we conclude these thoughts, brothers. Your spouse is not responsible to understand you in whatever way you choose to express yourself. You are responsible to seek to understand him or her in whatever way they choose to express themselves. This is like everything else in the Christian life. Jesus says, if you have offended your brother, Matthew chapter 5, leave your gift before the altar and go be reconciled to your brother. And he says in Matthew 18, if your brother has offended you, you drop what you're doing and you go be reconciled to him. You say, wait a second, that makes it sound like the responsibility is always upon me. Exactly. You are not responsible to simply speak and then say to your spouse, now the ball is in your court, figure it out. No, I am responsible to communicate clearly and understandably with him or her. And I am responsible to take responsibility in seeking to understand whatever he or she may communicate, even if I don't find it particularly understandable at times. You must seek to express yourself and to understand your spouse in ways that reflect God's own condescension with you. At the end of this series, there is much more that still needs to be said about marriage, much we haven't even attempted to address in this series. But I want to spend just a minute recapping where we've been and what we've tried to see more clearly. First, marriage between men and women is not the solution to man's loneliness and need for relationship. It is, in certain respects, a partial solution, a typological one. But it is not the ultimate relationship that men and women need. Yahweh says in Genesis chapter 2, it is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him. But that is not Eve, not ultimately. The word for helper. that is used in Genesis 2 continues to be used in the Hebrew Bible and most often is used to describe Yahweh's relationship to his people. Marriage is a typological expression of an eschatological reality. It teaches us that we are made for relationship, but not ultimately for one another. The marriage we are made for is the church's marriage to Christ. Second, marriage is an analogical, covenantal relationship. It must be viewed in the context of God's relationship with his people. His love is the power and pattern for our love and marriage. His grace must be the operating principle in our home. We do not look to man to understand how to live together in covenantal union and communion. We must look to God to know how to do that. Third, marriage is an instrument of and context for sanctification. Your spouse is not Jesus, and he or she can never be or do what the Lord alone can be and do. Marriage is a laboratory for giving and receiving grace, for experiencing that grace and experimenting with it. It helps us see our sin with a clarity that we never otherwise would. And like the law, marriage both restrains and increases our sinfulness. And fourth and finally, Christ is Lord of our marriages. Husbands, you must represent Christ in the home. Wives, you must honor and support Him in obedience to your King. Husbands and wives may be romantically related to one another in the present age, but more and more our marriages are to reflect the eschatological and eternal relationship into which we have been called by God's grace through faith. We are brothers and sisters in God's family. We are redeemed servants of the risen king. Our marriages will end in the present age, but marriage will be consummated in heavenly glory when we as the church, the bride of Christ, see our reward in all his glory. And we ought to pray that that day will indeed come.