Okay, welcome this morning. Does everyone have a outline? Anyone does not? A few up here, okay. Are we out of? No, okay. Sorry, I guess they're all gone. Okay, we're going to read a few verses from Hebrews chapter 12. Hebrews chapter 12, verse 5. And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, my son, despise not thou the chasing of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chasing, God dealeth with you as with sons. For what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards and not sons. Let's pray. Glorious and faithful God, tender, loving Father, Holy, majestic Son, sanctifying, comforting Spirit, Thou dost exercise authority over us on just grounds and for our good. Please teach us how to exercise authority over our children as Thou dost do it over us. that we, with love and compassion and concerns for holiness and integrity, may exercise authority over our children in a way that brings thee glory and does our children much good. We ask this in Jesus' name. Amen. All right, last week we looked at the subject of honoring authority. And you notice on the outline, we covered the first major section. And now we want to conclude this outline by looking at point four on the outline, how parents are to exercise authority. Let me say first by introduction, there is a shift today regarding authority and how it should be exercised. Philosophers today tell us that we live in a postmodern era in which rules and boundaries, authorities, should be decried as attempts of the strong to oppress the weak. And we're told that the way to deliver yourself from the tyranny of external authority is by becoming self-indulgent. Live for yourself, think for yourself, act for yourself, stand up for your own rights. The more you live for yourself, the more enlightenment you have received. Well, the media today, of course, glamorizes this view, glamorizes the individual who rebels against authority. Opened the papers this very past week. The entire movement called the Occupy Wall Street Movement, or the OWS, has been fraught with hundreds of examples of rebuke of authority. It's so interesting, isn't it, that in our land today, the Tea Party people are put on the right and decried by the media. The OWS people, way on the left, are pretty much promoted by the media. And 10,000 of those have been arrested. And over in the Tea Party movement, as far as I know, zero have been arrested. There's no comparison between these movements in terms of respect for authority. And yet, society today just looks askance at rebellion. And often, Even teenagers who rebel are looked upon as, oh, mature and independent and self-sufficient people who are just totally like their brain-dead and insincere and incompetent parents around them. And so, this teaching implicitly rubs off on children that they are a law to themselves And thus, we need to counter this whole movement, this whole philosophy, with a strong, loving approach to authority. So today, our children hear 10,000 times, in one way or another, we hear it thousands of times as older adults as well, that the only thing that matters is your feelings, your thoughts, your needs, your personal boundaries. And that runs roughshod even over the moral law of God. So we're told, well, if there's two consenting adults, never mind if one is married or both are married, as long as you're mutually agreeing parties, you know, they can go ahead and have a relationship. And so what our culture is doing is our culture is changing the answer to the Westminster Shorter Catechism's first question, what is the chief end of man? To glorify God. But the new answer is to be a God to yourself and to enjoy yourself and to put your needs first rather than to enjoy God and glorify Him forever. And therefore happiness today is viewed as throwing off all external controls or limitations. And so our children's sinful nature and the grossly immoral culture around us show us how important it is for Christian parents today to exercise authority in a proper way to the glory of God and the well-being of our children. at every turn in the road. I want to set before you four ways to do that this morning. The first is by our own example. You can't teach children how to honor authority by setting a poor example for them. If you say with your mouth, you must honor authority, but you turn around with your actions, don't yourself honor authority, your children will see you as a hypocrite. That's a tall order. No one expects, your children don't expect you to be perfect parents, of course. But our children do have a right to expect that there won't be a disparity between our teaching of them about honoring authority in our own actions. And be sure that if there is a disparity, they will exploit it, particularly as they grow older because they can see through it better. So that means for you, our fathers, that you need to teach your children how to honor authority by honoring the authority that's over you. They need to hear you in the home speak very well of your boss. If you've got complaints about your boss, you go to him. You use the proper channels. You don't pour out your heart in front of your children and say, what a terrible boss you have. Well, if you're gonna do that and the boss is over you as your authority, why can't your children go out and tell their friends what a terrible parent you are? You see, that's the poor example you're setting. It's the same thing with government officials. And I think here is one of our greatest temptations today because we are so upset, many of us, with many of the what we call immoral practices. and the problematic positions that our president is taking, we've got to be careful not to degrade him in front of our children. We can talk about issues and disagreements, but we must pray for our president. We must respect him. He is put there by God. He's a government official who's over us. And so, children need to see from you, dad, a life of submission in all those areas in which you are called to submit to the authority placed over you. Now, that is true also of the exercising of authority that you carry out in your own home as fathers. You need to lead your children in a way that your children can say, when I read the Bible, and I look at the leadership of Jesus Christ in the Gospels and in the Epistles, and then I look at my dad, I see a pattern, I see a similarity. As Christ exercises leadership in terms of truth, and prayer, and tenderness, and yet holiness, a firmness, and yet love, That's what we are to pattern for our children. And so our children need to see us prayerfully, diligently, joyfully undertaking our role as leader in the family. Now mothers, you have a prime way of showing respect for authority by your relationship with your husband in the presence of the family. As you guide your children, of course, you're two authorities and you work together as a team, don't you? And that's wonderful. And you must indeed present a united front to your children so that your children actually expect you to come with a united decision. and they know that there's a co-equal team over them. But when it comes to your husband, your children need to see that even maybe when you express your ideas and your thoughts, if there's not complete agreement, they need to see that you're willing to submit to your husband's leadership. And in his leadership, he may well choose the way that you want to go rather than his own way because he loves you so much. That may well happen. That's fine. That's wonderful. But they need to feel from you, from your teaching, from your example, that you're not running over your husband, but rather that your husband and you are your primary relationship in life. and that you're respecting him and loving him and submitting him to respect his work. They need to, just as the children need to hear you, dad, say to your wife, you know, thank you so much for the meal you just made. They also need to hear you, mom, say to your husband, thank you, dear, so much for working so hard for us. I really respect your work. You see, if we fail in the home setting to exercise this kind of submission, then we can hardly expect our children to take from our words what they don't see from our example and to exercise real, genuine submission to us. In some ways, our children also need to see us as husband and wife being submissive to each other. That's what Ephesians 5.21 says, submit one to another in the fear of God. It's not only wives submit to your husband, but there's another way in which both husbands and wives submit to each other under God. And so the husband honors his authority by serving his wife in humility. And a wife honors her role of submission by being a helpmate for her husband. And together, you see, they stand as a united front, as mom and dad, before their children. So that's the first thing, and maybe the most important, setting an example of submission. The second is this. Because all authority exists as a reflection of God's authority over his creation, authorities are subject to God's rules and God's laws. That is to say, rulers are not free to simply make up their own rules as they go along. Some parents try to rule their family in this way, and really it shouldn't be. God has established rules for us in his word, and we need to apply them, of course, to different situations. But we shouldn't flaunt those applications such that we suddenly spill out a whole bunch of new rules spontaneously in overreaction to a certain situation. Our children should have a sense of stability in the home. They should have a sense that mom and dad are in firm control, there are simple rules, clear rules, rules that are preventative, so that they serve as a form of preventative discipline, so that children know what's going to happen if they break those rules, and rules that are reasonable, rules that are grounded in the principles of Scripture. And that's why I read Hebrews 12 for you. Like, the Lord chastens us for our well-being, so we are to chasten our children for their well-being. Otherwise, they'll act like spoiled children and not sons, we read. So we're to rule as God has commanded. When our children break rules, they need to be disciplined. And as a team, as parents, we need to know how to do that. And we need to stress with them when they break rules that they have not just gone against us as parents, that's not the issue. Well, it is the issue in God's sight to some degree, but the real issue is they've gone against God because we rule our home and exercise authority in the place of God. And so when we discipline our children, as we must do, when they break rules, when they're disobedient to God, we don't do that out of spite or anger. We discipline them because we love them. And that's why I said to you in a former subject when we talked about the exercise of actual act of discipline, don't ever discipline your children when you're feeling very angry. It's better than to say, I'll decide, my son, my daughter, on the course of discipline. You know, in an hour or so, I'll come back to you, I'll talk to my husband, and I'll talk to my wife. But don't discipline when you're angry, because you'll probably mess it up. It'll be too strong on the one side, or you'll say things with your mouth, you'll regret on the other side. Discipline in love. Now that doesn't mean that you are softy. It means you're firm. It means you're clear. But it's done in love, and your children know that it's not easy for you, because what parent wants to discipline his child? But you're doing it on behalf of God, and your children need to know that, need to be told that. They don't need to be told that every time. You tell them that when you're three years old and five years old and seven years old, and they will know it. And once in a while, you might have to remind them of that as they get older and say, I'm sorry, I need to set this rule because this is what God would have me to do. Thirdly, in view of the many messages that our culture sends to our children, we really should make earnest effort to know what our children are watching and what they're listening to. It's hard to exercise authority when our children have a whole world by themselves that we don't know what it's all about. And I realize that's challenging, particularly as children get in the older teen years, and they have instant access, of course, to the World Wide Web, even via their cell phones. The world is just a keystroke or a mouse click away. Songs and music videos and television shows and blogs and radio broadcasts and webcasts and movies and video games and websites of all kinds are available. It's a whole different world than we grew up in. And so are social networking sites like Facebook or Twitter, or MySpace, or YouTube. All of this is changing the whole way our children view the world they live in. And sadly, too many of us have too little idea what's involved and what they're learning. And how all of this massive bulk of entertainment and communication impacts our children's view of how to honor authority. So to understand our children, we need to know what is shaping their attitudes and actions. We are to monitor what our children do on the computer, particularly when they're younger. What music do they listen to? What movies are they watching? Where do they go for information about sex? Who are their friends? Who's teaching them in cyberspace? What are they posting on their Facebooks? What are they text messaging to their friends? See, many children of all ages are living lives of duplicity. They go to church, they go to Christian schools, but their online histories reveals they're watching TV shows and movies with little understanding of the messages they are absorbing about rebellion and anti-authoritarianism and contempt for God and His law. So there's a war, parents, there's a war of worldliness. That worldliness is waging today for the minds and hearts of your children. And what or who will they honor? Will they honor the world and its wisdom? Or will they honor you and God and His Word? Will they honor their friends more than their parents? Will they follow their own impulses and feelings? Or will they pray for the Holy Spirit's guidance in their lives? Will they honor themselves or the God who made them? These are paramount questions. As parents with God-given authority, it's imperative that we understand so many things are shaping the worldview of our children. This barrage of messages that culture is sending and teaching our children. We need to somehow teach our children to sort through these, particularly when they conflict with what the Bible teaches. Deuteronomy 6 tells us we should be talking to our children every day, doesn't it? When you sit down, when you rise up, teaching them God's truth, showing them God's way. Ultimately, you are your child's authority. And you've been given this weighty role by God himself. So your children need to know your wisdom. about these things. And they need to know, of course, that you don't support a worldview that is at war with God's Word. And that leads me to the last point I want to make about exercising authority. There are, of course, many, many more points. I'm just giving you four of the main points for exercising authority. We need to know how to talk to our children. And I'm not talking now about just chatting about the weather or how'd you do at school today. Those are starting points and important starting points. But we need to probe deeper. We need to know what it's like to have penetrating talks with our children that burrow down inside them. We must probe further and deeper And the best way to do that is to start when they're very young. Now, you can't do that. You can't have what I like to call real talk with your children if they don't feel real love. No one opens up their inner depths to someone who doesn't love them. And so, the key thing here is to is to love your children, that they need to feel your love. And then you need to find ways and times of talking to them, talking to them about their dreams and goals and visions and hopes and fears and giving them loving advice and just being alone with them, both parents being alone with them. Just talking. How are you really doing? What's really going on in school? Talk to them about their best friends and how those friendships are going. Talk to them about these entertainment forums and what's going on and get close to them. And it's amazing when you really make an effort at it that children want you to be close to them. They want you to probe them. They want your love. They really want your advice. So start when you're very young. But make sure, remember as I said before, 85% or plus of this talk needs to be absolutely positive in nature, not negative, not like you're a policeman probing around. That won't work. So you affirm them, you encourage them, and you shepherd them. And once you do this, you see, They won't see submission to you as something negative, like you're demanding obedience. No, it's done in the atmosphere of love. And they won't even reject it when you gently and lovingly confront them with some sins that you see in their lives. Now, the way to do that, of course, is not to accuse them outright, unless you catch them red-handed in some sin, but to ask them questions, like, what do you think? Do you think, you know, maybe you're becoming a bit careless about your daily devotions or whatever. Or how are your daily devotions going? And then maybe a mild loving rebuke and encouragement to press on, whatever it may be. You see, for children to honor parents when there's a strong relationship of love and trust is actually not so difficult. And for parents to have real talks with children when they really love their children, have a good relationship, and have put money in the bank, so to speak, for the teen years, by talking with them all the way up through childhood and being open with them, it's not so difficult either. So that's what we need to aim for all the lifetime of our children. And no matter how old your children are, if they're under your roof, why not just knock on their bedroom door and just come in and have a little chat? Have a little chat, just how are you doing? Or maybe you're alone with one child and a particular evening everyone else is gone. Just talk a little bit. One thing I love to do is I love to take each of my children out for lunch and just have a meal or a supper. Once a year I do it for their birthdays. That's a great time. And they know, they know I'm gonna have a real talk with them. not a threatening way, but a loving way. And it's going to be fun. It's going to be enjoyable. We're going to come away from that supper feeling closer than ever. They're going to know once more that I really deeply, deeply care about them and their future, and I do, of course. And they're going to feel, at least I hope they can say that, that I'm easy to talk to. They can pour out their heart to me. They can trust me. I'm not going to go blabbing it around to other people. But there's a confidentiality that my wife and I maintain about our children. And so find ways, maybe you have other ways, maybe walking with your children or doing certain sports with your children and then finding ways to talk to them in the process. But it's important, you see, if we're going to exercise authority without stirring up rebellion in our children, that they feel the bulk of our time with them is positive communication. And when that's the case, you see, then we can offer them all kinds of advice. Sometimes they'll ask our advice, which is great. Sometimes they won't ask our advice, but we can gently give it anyway. We can offer them ways, for example, how to resist peer pressure. We can warn them of the dangers of impure, immodest behavior. And of course, we must be passionate about their need to personally believe the gospel and embrace Christ by faith and repent of sin. Now, the key thing here is that these children, your children, should not have talking times, real talking times, just reserved for when they've sinned or done something very naughty. Be preemptive. Work daily issues and challenges into your family worship. Make the most of the opportunity of family worship to speak about issues, but also at other times. When there's opportunities to really speak to a child alone, probably whatever you were planning to do right then is less important than that. Realize the importance of talking time. And in some ways, your children, especially as you get older, and you don't understand everything in their world, you try to a bit, but you don't, They see things a bit differently than you do, of course. You're another generation. If they poke a little bit of fun at you because you said some expression that, you know, is way out of style, I mean, just let them do it. It's fun. Laugh with them. Okay. I'm a little bit old. I'm a little bit weird. I'm a little bit old fashioned. No problem. Enjoy those differences. Don't let them be threatening and don't expect them as a 17 year old to act like they're 40 or 60. We can learn from them as well, you know. But the need to keep talking, to keep the communication lines open, is absolutely essential. And the sooner we begin, the sooner we will feel that our children honor us as parents. So in conclusion, lovingly admonish your children. to fear the Lord. Show them what it means to fear the Lord. Show them how wonderful it is. Teach them by example, teach them by appropriately disciplining them, teach them by discussing with them the changes of culture, and teach them by talking with them. These are four ways that we can begin to fulfill our God-given role of honoring God's authority over us by teaching our children to honor the authority of everyone whom God has set over them in their lives. Let's pray. Great God of heaven, we thank Thee so much for this time together. And we pray that a few of these common sense and yet biblical principles that we've tried to set before this dear class this morning about exercise in authority may be helpful and may be put into practice when children are already very young. And Lord, for those who have older children and have not put into practice these principles, give them the wisdom they need to repent in front of their children and to say, my dear children, I'm sorry, I haven't done these things, but from here on in, please forgive me for my lack, but from here on in, I want to begin to exercise these principles and exercise a better, more loving, biblical authority over you as the place that God has put me in. Give us wisdom, Lord. Oh, how we need it. Forgive all our shortcomings as parents, and they are many. Help us to truly talk with our children and to love them in ways that are tangible, communicative, and earn respect. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.