I'll be reading from chapter two in Genesis, verse 18, and then I'll skip down and read verses 21 through 24. This is God's word. Then the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. Verse 21. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man. And while he slept, took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh. Pray with me. Lord, this morning I pray as we look at your word and we consider marriage that you would reamaze us with your love for us and amaze us with the truth that we find in the words that you have given us. And then may that amazement of love and truth come change in each of our lives, I pray, no matter where we are as it relates to marriage this morning. Amen. You may be seated. Well, as was mentioned, welcome to week two of our three-part mini-series on marriage. And these two messages I'm gonna give have been the easiest I've ever had to prepare. And the reason is because I just got ahold of Paul's notes from last week. and I'm just gonna preach it two more times. And maybe by the third time, that will be the charm that your spouse has been waiting for. Today and next week as we take this excursus on the topic of marriage, I won't be going verse by verse as we normally do, but instead we'll be drawing from many passages in scripture, as well as sermons and books that I've read that have impacted and taught me and of course the crucible of my own marriage over the last 15 years. Michelle and I celebrated 15 years of marriage this last September. And yes, and they have been the best four years of Michelle's life, she said, so it's good. You know, the honeymoon phase of marriage only lasts for a while. Some of you may not know that yet. And you may be wondering, what are some signs that the glow is beginning to fade and the reality is beginning to sink in a little bit in your marriage? Well, one way that we can see this is through presence. The presence that we give each other often can give us hopeful clues. So I want to take something out of this bag and show you this really great mug that I got for Christmas this year and oh, it has a verse on it. This is from my wife and it's from Job, so it's not a good start. It's Job 19.17 actually and it says, my breath is offensive to my wife. I am loathsome to my own family. So I'm far from perfect. And my marriage is far from perfect, obviously. In fact, we've been learning some hard new lessons on marriage over the last three years. And I'll talk about that next week and share some of that with you. And I hope we can learn from each other through that. Those of you who are here who are married are subconsciously hoping that I have lots of great points for your spouse this morning, and hoping that not many of them apply to you. Those of you who are not married are wondering if any of this is going to apply to you. And let me just mention that if you're worried, you may this morning, I know we're coming from all different places as it relates to marriage, perhaps you are above marriage, against marriage. You certainly are around marriage, maybe you're before marriage, or perhaps near marriage. You're probably from marriage, maybe you're over marriage, past marriage, or through marriage. Prepositions are fun, aren't they? Well, for those of you who've never been married but want to be, let me say a couple things to you. My prayer this morning is that you will see more clearly than you ever have before what marriage is meant to be. You still have time to start with God's plan in mind. The rest of us do not. We're in it already. So lay hold of this opportunity to see God's will for you and your future spouse. For those of you who are here and are not married and do not wish to be married, you're not second class citizens. It's a wonderful thing to be anxious only about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. The Bible teaches us that in 1 Corinthians 7. But listen carefully today as well, to be a better bride of Christ and to help those that are already in marriage. After all, some of the verses we'll look at later in Ephesians were written by Paul, who was a single man. For those here who were once married and are now widowed, I pray that your memories are enriched and that you're challenged to continue living the lessons that you learned in marriage until you're taken home. For those whose marriages have ended in divorce, this message is for you too. I pray that you will gain new understanding about what led to this tragedy and that you will be given hope about marriage in general and that you'll go in with biblical principles in mind if remarriage is an option for you. So what is the root of marriage? From my title you can see that our goal today is to understand from scripture the root of your marriage. Next week we'll then look at what it takes to cultivate fruit in your marriage. but we must first understand the root of all marriage across all time, all cultures, all marriages. What is marriage? What makes it different than other relationships? Why get married at all? What is at the root of a perfect marriage? If we could understand that and we could keep it central, then we could pattern our marriages on the original and the standard. We could come back to the root when we lose our way and we get off track and we need wisdom. Well, here are a few quotes from some famous people. Let's see what the world's answer is and if it's the answer that we need this morning. Marriage isn't the end point of a relationship. It's just a stepping stone, one aspect of a long-term evolution between two people who have, for whatever reason, decided to take a leap of faith and say, well, hey, this is a person who I want to try with for the rest of my life, which is not a guarantee of perfection far from it. Marjorie Liu. Here's another one. I think long lasting, healthy relationships are more important than the idea of marriage. At the root of every successful marriage is a strong partnership. Carson Daly. I may get married later or I may never get married, but I want babies. So I'll have to get married. I want fat, cute babies. Every girl has to think about it at some point. For me, marriage is about family and that's why I find it necessary. "'Til then, it's normal to have a partner "'and to do your own thing.'" Aliyah Bhatt. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week, a little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, and I go Fridays. Henry Youngman. Or marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? by Groucho Marx, it's a famous one. Maybe you've heard this one, I love being married. It is so great to find that one special person that you want to try to annoy for the rest of your life, Rita Rudner. Well, embedded in these, the Western world is telling us that the root of marriage is a stepping stone toward self-actualization, to getting what you want, even if that's fat babies. That the root of marriage is a strong partnership or living in an institution. And even in the jokes, it's more about survival and resignation. That's your best bet. These ideas are killing marriages at the root. And not just faceless marriages out there, in here. These ideas are killing your marriage. and my marriage. Here are some examples of what your thoughts and feelings will be like if you mostly view your marriage from this consumer or self-fulfillment perspective. You're either single and lonely or married and bored. Love is in essence a feeling. Duty is unhealthy. Duty and passion are not compatible. Selfless sex is inauthentic or even oppressive. Sex must have passion and both parties always excited. There's no obligation to stay. Stay as long as it's mutually beneficial in arrangement for both of you. It says I love you now versus I love you now with a binding promise to love you tomorrow. It says we don't need a piece of paper to prove our love. To marry and stay with someone It should always feel urgent, new, electric. Not getting a good deal? Give less to the bargain. This is the world that we live in and it has permeated our own minds more than we think. It's hard to notice the temperature change when you're sitting in the water. So listen to this powerful quote by Tim Keller and tell me if this sounds in some ways like the perfect marriage. Both men and women today want a marriage in which they can receive emotional and sexual satisfaction from someone who will simply let them be themselves. They want a spouse who is fun, intellectually stimulating, sexually attractive with many common interests, and who on top of it all is supportive of their personal goals of the way they're living now. And if your desire is for a spouse who will not demand a lot of change from you, then you're also looking for a spouse who is almost completely pulled together. Someone very low maintenance, without much in the way of personal problems. You're looking for someone who will not require or demand significant change. You're searching therefore for an ideal person, happy, healthy, interesting, content with life. Never before in history has there been a society filled with people so idealistic in what they're seeking in a spouse. It is because of this that so many are not getting married, are afraid to get married, or are so let down when reality sets in. The reality is that we all have deep needs and flaws and need to grow and change, which sounds painful because it is. The world actually is setting the bar too high here and so is down on marriage. Well, if the root of marriage is none of these things, then what is the right answer? What is the root of marriage and God's answer? Well, as we listened to already, God doesn't waste any time in giving us the first part of the answer. The second page in my Bible is Genesis 2.18, and right after God creates the first man, Adam, He says, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. God causes a deep sleep to fall on Adam, which by the way is the first recorded use of anesthesia during an operation. And he forms Eve out of Adam's rib. God does such an incredible job on Eve that when Adam wakes up, he bursts into spontaneous singing. And God says in verse 24, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh. So there's a piece of the puzzle. God gives his laws in Exodus through Deuteronomy, tells us more details about his design, what he wants between a man and a woman. He says marriage is between a man and a woman and it's for life, meaning it's both exclusive and exclusively heterosexual. Those who went outside this, would be breaking God's law. So homosexual relationships are not new. History and the Bible itself shows us that it goes back thousands of years. But what is new in our generation is the argument that God accepts the romantic love between any two people, even if they're of the same gender, as long as they're treating each other right. That you can be a Christian and live the gay lifestyle and that there's no problem there. And I don't have time today to delve into this further, but please ask me later if you'd like to better understand the Bible's teaching on homosexuality and on same-sex attraction. And I wanna note briefly that the two are different. There are some Christians following the Lord who experienced same-sex attraction, just as all Christians experience sexual desires of some kind that God does not allow. So after providing detailed laws about what not to do in marriage, the Old Testament then goes on to record many examples of people breaking all of those laws. Sins of all kinds, from the patriarchs to the kings, to the people of Israel, we see despicable things and we see the damage that follows. And this history captured shows us that God understands the real root of marriage that he designed, and that his laws are not arbitrary or wrong. They don't rob us of joy, they protect it. Song of Solomon gives us an inside view into this captivated rapture, unbridled pleasure, and the smiling joy that can be found and is good when romance and sexuality are shared inside marriage. Well, what about the prophets? Do they add anything to God's picture about marriage? Isaiah 62.5 is very interesting. It depicts God and the nation of Israel as in a marriage. This is a new insight. As the bridegroom rejoiced over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you. But sadly, as you look at these pictures in the Old Testament prophets, the majority of the references are actually of Israel, the bride, abandoning her husband and giving herself completely to the idols and the nations as a prostitute. Jeremiah 2.32 says, can a virgin forget her ornaments or a bride her attire? Yet my people have forgotten me days without number. So we certainly have a lot of information about marriage, but do we understand its root? Not yet. Then we hit the New Testament, and in the Gospel of John chapter three, we suddenly get a lot closer to the answer. It starts with a dispute. John the Baptist is baptizing, and then Jesus begins baptizing. So some of his disciples, John's, come to him and say, Rabbi, he who is with you across the Jordan to whom you bore witness, look, he's baptizing, and all are going to him. And John answered, now, catch this illustration. It actually seems out of place at first. A person cannot receive even one thing "'unless it is given him from heaven. "'You yourselves bear me witness that I said, "'I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him.'" And here it is, the one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom who stands and hears him rejoices greatly in the bridegroom's voice. Therefore, this joy of mine is now complete. Okay, so here's what John is saying. I am the friend of the bridegroom, Jesus is the bridegroom, and he has a bride. This should inform marriage in some way, but what does it mean? Because Jesus never married physically here on this earth. Well, turn if you would to Ephesians five, where we'll spend a good portion of the message here. And look down in Ephesians 5 verse 32. Paul is writing, this is the end of the section, and he says, this mystery is profound. And I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. Paul uses the word mystery here to identify a hidden reality, hidden in the past and revealed in the New Testament age and written down in scripture. And the Greek word translated profound is mega. So here it is, the mega mystery of marriage. The root and deepest understanding of why it exists, what it is, Marriage is a sacred reflection or copy of the magnificent and beautiful union between the Messiah and his church, completely unknown until the New Testament. How wonderful to live in the age that we live in today. There are two things that Christian marriages today have that no marriages had before the New Testament. that we can have the Holy Spirit helping us, his very presence of God guiding us in our marriage every day. And that should make a difference. The second is that the mystery, the root meaning on the purpose of marriage has been now revealed to us. John Piper puts it this way, marriage is like a metaphor or an image or a picture or parable that stands for something more than a woman and a man becoming one flesh. It stands for the relationship between Christ and the church. That's the deepest meaning of marriage. It's meant to be a living drama of how Christ and the church relate to each other. If you want to understand God's meaning for marriage, you have to grasp that we are dealing with a copy and an original. A metaphor and a reality, a parable and a truth. And the original, the reality, the truth is God's marriage to his people, Christ's marriage to the church. While the copy, the metaphor, the parable is a husband's marriage to his wife. Jeffrey Bromley says, as God made man in his own image, so he made earthly marriage in the image of his own eternal marriage with his people. And verses 22 through 33 of Ephesians 5 tell us what our marriage is, what being a wife, what being a husband should look like because of this original that we're meant to copy. So let's unpack two huge truths for our marriages from these verses. Let's unpack the mega mystery. The first truth is the idea of oneness. And this is so exciting for me. This is something that still blows my mind. I think that the husband and the wife are one in a way and on a level that we underestimate. Paul uses the illustration of a human body to help us understand the oneness of a husband and wife. Up in verse 23 we read, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. And we'll unpack the distinctions there in a minute, but for right now, notice that the husband and wife are pictured as both being two inseparable parts of one body. Verse 28 adds, in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. A head with no body is dead. A body with no head is dead. And if your head is not guiding and feeding and caring for your body, your body will suffer, won't it? It is one with the head. The body will starve and grow weak without food. It will begin to function poorly and break down, and this is going to impact the head as well. The body will also be afraid to take the next step if it can't trust what the eyes are telling it. And that can be because the body feels a cracking sound underfoot and the eyes and head keep saying, we're fine, full speed ahead. And the next thing you know, you've broken through the ice into the lake. But it's also possible that the eyes are saying, trust me, it's just a frozen stick in your path. Keep walking. I'll keep you safe. I cherish you. And I'll do everything I can to keep us on the path and out of danger. Note how they rely so completely on each other and how they impact each other. Critical information. and direction and feedback and nutrients flow in both directions. They are one. A supernatural thing takes place when a man and a woman get married. They start as two people, two bodies, but they become one flesh. This is amazingly cool. The union in marriage is intimate and unbreakable. The phrase hold fast, that goes all the way back to Genesis, expresses two things being glued or cemented together. So if you perfectly glue two pieces of paper together, then they behave as one. God said that man and woman become one way back in Genesis, but here we're told more detail. We become one just as Christ becomes one with the church, okay? So how one is that? I wanna read you some verses, some of which are fully realized today, some of which will not be ours until the marriage feast of the lamb in the future. This is what being one with Christ means. From Isaiah 53, he bore our griefs and carried our sorrows. Remember, keep, as I read these, think of the oneness here. He was pierced for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities. From John 17, here are a number. He is our joy. We are hated because he was hated. We're sent into the world because he was sent into the world. We are one with Jesus as he is one with the Father. That's how one we are. His glory is our glory. We're loved by God as much as Jesus. is loved by God. That's how one we are. His presence is always with us through the Holy Spirit, and we will be with Jesus forever. His inheritance is ours, it says in Ephesians 1. His righteousness is ours. Our sin became his, 2 Corinthians 5, where we spent our morning of worship. We were crucified with Christ, so it is no longer we who live, but Christ who lives in us, Galatians 2.20. And nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord, Romans 8.39. It is mind blowing to actually accept how one with Christ we are and will be forever because he purchased us to be his bride with his own life. The profound mystery is that the oneness in our marriages is a reflection of this. I don't think I understand the oneness that I have with Michelle. It's so wonderful and rich and deep and amazing, but I normally think of myself as connected in some way, but separate. I can see all of our differences very clearly. She is short and beautiful. I am tall and hairy. She talks to our kids and our pets so gently and sweetly as if they were all babies. And I tell them it's time to toughen up and act like soldiers. Sometimes she gets distracted and loses track of time. But I rarely get distracted from my own priorities. But the reality is that these differences don't actually make us two. The reality is that we are one. So when I just think about myself, I'm actually hating my own flesh. I am hating myself, and I'm hurting myself. But when I think about my wife, and I nourish and cherish Michelle, That is actually loving myself, helping me. Guys, I want to tell you something. It is not possible for you to hurt your wife without hurting yourself. If you do something that damages her, you are glued to her and you are damaging yourself. And not because she's vindictive and will make you pay, because even if she doesn't push back at all, you will hurt yourself because you are one with her. And gentlemen, your tendency is to be harsh, your tendency is to withdraw, and I'm the same way. Men, why do we do this repeatedly? We must not understand what's at the root of our marriage. We must not understand our oneness or we must forget. That is why as we saw last week from Peter, that he reminds us to live with our wife in an understanding way, showing her honor. John Piper reminds us that, She is going to be a queen of the universe someday. You sleep with a queen. You sleep with an heiress of the world and that's not an exaggeration. That should have an effect on you in terms of kindness, respect, tenderness, listening, marveling at what you have in your house. We are not amazed enough at the marvel of who we are. So it's not like the world says. She hasn't agreed to join you as a stepping stone, one aspect of a long-term evolution between two people who have, for whatever reason, decided to take a leap of faith and say, well, hey, this is a guy I wanna try with for the rest of my life. No, she has agreed to become one flesh with you and through your words and actions, sometimes too aggressive, often disconnected in selfish attitudes, you're actually starving and stabbing your own body. Love yourself by loving your wife. Give up your life for her, I'm begging you. Ladies, in the same way, When Michelle thinks only about herself and tears me down, she is unavoidably tearing herself down. There's a verse that she's mentioned that she goes to to remind herself of this, and I'd much rather share her thoughts with you than my own. It's from Proverbs 14, verse one. The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands, tears it down. Ladies, when you ignore or mock or demean or contradict and pick your husband apart, which is often very easy to do, we are full of many faults and many weaknesses. Remember that you're not just cutting him down to size. You are taking yourself out at the knees because you are one with him. You rise and you fall together. It's unavoidable. So that is the first truth of the mega mystery. The oneness in marriage is profound. and it is a picture of Christ in the church. Meditate on this, it's very simple. Oneness, it can change you. The second great truth is our distinction within that oneness, which means that although we are one, we are different, and we have different roles in marriage. Listen to this great quote from Tim and Kathy Keller that tells us how important this topic is, and I quote, Whether you yourself, you identify yourself as an egalitarian, a feminist, a traditionalist, a complementarian, or any other variety on the interpretive spectrum, the differences between men and women will become an unavoidable issue in every marriage. Failure to come to terms with it is like tiptoeing around the proverbial elephant in the room. Everyone comes into marriage with an idea of roles, of how a husband should behave to his wife, a wife to her husband, and children to their parents. This may be the sum of impressions gathered from one's family of origin, current cultural norms, observations of friends' marriages, and even the flotsam and jetsam of one's fictional reading or television and movie habits." End quote. The roles of husband and wife in marriage are not arbitrarily assigned and they aren't reversible without obscuring God's purpose for marriage. The roles of a husband and wife are rooted in the distinctive roles of Christ in his church. The mystery has been revealed. So God means by our marriages to reveal something about his son in the church. and the way that husbands and wives relate to each other. We see this in verses 23 through 25. In verse 24 speaks to the wife and her half of the metaphor. In verse 23 and 25 speak to the husbands and their half of the metaphor. Wives, find your distinction in your role as a wife by keying off of the way the church relates to Christ. Verse 24 says, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, find your distinctive role as a husband in keying off the way Christ relates to the church. First verse 23, the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its savior. Then verse 25, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Since our different roles predate the fall and predate sin, and because they're a pattern that we're meant to follow of Christ and the church, These different roles in marriage are not due to sin. They're actually good. Sin did not create headship and submission, but sin ruined headship and submission. Ladies, if your husband was perfect, just imagine, just for a minute, don't stay here too long, but just imagine for a minute, how much easier would it be to submit to his leadership? In the Godhead, the son submits to the father. It's voluntary. It's free. It's joyful. It's not forced. It's not inferior. And it is so because just as the son desires to help promote and lift up the father, the father constantly delights and respects and loves the son. But even if your husband does not make it easy, God calls you to submit to him and encourages you to do so as unto the Lord. Because you want to submit to the perfect leader, Jesus Christ, submit to your imperfect husband. If you don't, you will hurt your husband and your kids too. Now please note that submission does not mean putting your husband in the place of Christ. Verse 21 says that you submit out of reverence for Christ. Submission does not mean that the husband's word is absolute. Only Christ's word is absolute. No wife should follow a husband into sin. You can't do that in reverence to Christ. And we saw last week in 1 Peter 3 that a Christian wife who is married to an unsaved husband is still to submit to him, but she's at the same time winning him over to Christ. And Paul in his message did a great job, an excellent job of defining and giving examples of what submission is and is not. So if you missed that, please listen to that message. I'm not gonna repeat all of that right now. But men and women make, we both make all kinds of mistakes in defining and applying the concept of submission to marriage. I will give us one reminder. And that is that just as Jesus' submission to the Father is our example for you ladies in marriage, Jesus is our example as men too. Christ submitted to his Father's will and loved the church and gave himself up for her. There was no sacrifice too great, no position too low, And his church is not always lovable, but he is always faithful. Men, if your wife was perfect, she would be very easy to lead with kindness and humility, and you would value her input greatly. But even if your wife does not always make it easy, God calls you to submit to him, love her, treat her with gentleness, not harshness, not by ignoring her, That is sin twisting your role and it hurts her and it hurts your kids too. Men, you want to imitate Christ. You want to lead your wife with words and manner and lavishness and attitude and service and sacrifice and even gifts that will cause her to say, to you, I looked at myself with new eyes this morning and felt more beautiful, even with all my imperfections. And I love the most that you think so much about how to do this for me, how to express how you see me, and that I am worth that kind of time and money and love. When you do that for her, you lead as Christ leads us. So both of these great truths of the mega mystery are encompassed in saying that we are one with our spouse, just as a head and a body, as the church is one with Christ. There is oneness on a level that is incredible And there are different unique roles. I want to share an illustration with you that is fantastic. It's funny, so it's okay to laugh. It's an illustration that shows both the oneness and the difference in roles. We ran into this and kind of developed this at one of our honeymooner classes years ago and we have continued to have fun. The parallels are incredible how many there are, but let me share a few. Here's the picture. Driving a car and riding in the passenger seat of a car is very much like the oneness and the distinct roles that we have in marriage on our marriage journey. One car, one journey, two people, two roles. Here we go. Ladies, I'll start with you. But don't worry, the men are coming next. Ladies, let me ask you a question. Do you trust that your husband could successfully drive you downtown to a nice restaurant? Now, he may make a wrong turn. He may miss another. I'm not saying he'd get you there perfectly. In fact, he might follow the car in front closer than you would. He may not appear to see the pedestrian crossing the road, but will you get there safely? 999 out of a thousand times, yes. But it's easy to cast doubt on his driving leadership, is it not? Are you sure you wanna turn here? And he's thinking, well, I was, but now I'm panicking. Or maybe you're gonna hit that guy. No, thank you, I see him there. No, ladies, you'll be happier if you buckle up and then relax. Enjoy the ride downtown. Enjoy that your husband picked out the restaurant and planned how to get there. And he's taking you downtown on a date. and your husband will feel valued and respected and happy to be caring for you and driving you. And men, let's be honest, you need help. I need help. Ask her if she wouldn't mind pulling up the address on her phone. Invite her to remind you if this is a left or a right turn ahead. God has provided her as a helper fit for you. Be humble when you make a wrong turn. Be gentle when she asks if you're still going downtown or if there was a change of plans and you're headed to Evergreen. You don't really want to run the red light and hit that pedestrian, do you? Maybe that tight squeeze on your arm is okay from time to time. Men, lead well. Be prepared. Drive the speed limit. Don't go flying around like a maniac. Make it easy for her to enjoy your leading. She should feel, how? She should feel safe and protected and cherished like a fragile wine glass. Treasure her. Be careful with her. Tell her and show her she is worth your love every day. So I hope that illustration is a helpful reminder for you ladies and you men of the bigger picture of your marriage as you seek to do the same. I wanna conclude by quickly reviewing what we've learned about the root of marriage and by giving you two challenges. Whether your marriage is phenomenal or on the brink of collapse, or if right now your marriage is only the spiritual one with Jesus Christ. We started by asking what is marriage? Why does it exist? What's it for? It's a question worth answering. I want you to think of this archetypal marriage as a painting. What is the beautiful, masterful, perfect painting of what marriage is all about? If we could see this and gaze at it, we would know how to paint our own copy. in our own life. We considered a few of the many answers the world offers in its commercial view and they all boil down to this. You and what you want are at the root of your marriage. You should be getting excitement, emotions, self-fulfillment, attention, babies, something. If you aren't getting what you came for, you must have picked the wrong person. The idea of This other person making demands on you, pointing out your flaws or requesting you give up some of your desires, it only tips the scales against them. It must be time to get out. As you hear the worldview from a sermon, you might be saying, oh, obviously no. but we all believe some part of this lie. And when you get back to real life, you will find yourself acting in ways that reveal how much you believe the lie of a selfish marriage. So here's daily challenge number one. Throw away the fake paintings. Burn the forgeries in your mind. They're everywhere. They all claim to be the original that you should imitate. You'll find them in magazines, in novels. They fill songs and movies. But even more deceptive and powerful are the ones you've already painted in your mind and on your heart. Things like unfulfilled dreams, deep woundings, and fears that if you do not fight for yourself, you will lose it all. These false paintings of marriage must also be thrown out. So here's daily challenge number two. Study on, study, focus on, and cherish the original masterpiece more. Replace the sad forgeries, they're ugly, with the legitimate original. Love the gospel, marvel at how Jesus the bridegroom forever changed you, his bride. Treasure that he did. What would have become of you if he had not loved you? Meditate on this. It will change you for your spouse and for all the other relationships you have too. I know this is hard. This is how John Piper boiled down to one sentence, the cultivating of his own faith to produce the kind of love that covers a multitude of sins. He says, I have a blood bot, inexpressibly happy, totally undeserved future. If I could believe that at every moment of conflict, at every moment of disappointment, at every moment of frustration, as I look out at the world, I would be a loving man. So tell this to yourself as I read it again. I have a blood bot. inexpressively happy and totally undeserved future. This is the true masterpiece and it's yours, you're in it. This is how not to despair, how not to give up working on our copy. Hold on to the gospel, look at your wife, turn to your husband and do what at times feels impossible. Paint a copy of it in your marriage for God's glory, for all the world to see. The Holy Spirit will be with you always to give you the help that you need. I hope that you understand the root of marriage. Beautiful oneness and beautiful distinction just as Christ and the church. And I can't wait for next week to share some practical ways to cultivate the fruit in our marriages. Because I want us all to have epic marriages. Please stand as I close our time in prayer. Lord, thank you for giving us such a clear revelation and understanding of this mega mystery of marriage. Thank you for showing us someone to imitate who did it perfectly. Lord, we just admit and we repent of the fact that we do such a poor job And we're so entranced with the forgeries and with ourselves. Forgive us. Give us hope to start again, to pick up our paintbrush and look back deeper and more carefully at the original and see what we can do, starting today, to imitate you. So much joy and wonder awaits, even with the pain inevitably that comes of our own sinfulness We know this will not be, we will not be made complete. We will be imperfect. But you gave us marriage on purpose to live it out every day. The drama of a living example of how you loved us. So we just thank you for these deep truths we have looked at. And I pray for myself. for each of us to hold on to what is at the root, the real root of our marriage, and to live it out for you in your power, by your help, by your word, in Jesus' name, amen. You're dismissed.