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This morning we are going to
have part two of forgiving one another as we began this last
Sunday. And the reason that I chose these
two Sundays to teach on this is because usually right around
the time of the holidays between Thanksgiving and New Year's,
it's a time where people get together with one another who
maybe you haven't throughout the year, who perhaps you've
wanted to avoid during the rest of the year. And oftentimes it
highlights or magnifies the loneliness that we feel or the problems
that we have in relationships with one another. Even in the
area of forgiveness, is there someone in your life who you
haven't forgiven yet who you need to? You know, when it comes
to forgiveness, there is a universal need for this. As we think of
different circumstances or examples, such as a spouse, who is rude
and insensitive and then affection is withheld and the silent treatment
is implemented. An insensitive cousin is greeted
with an icy reception at the annual family gathering. A pastor
behaves irresponsibly and then the phone wires burn as the offended
tells his or her story to many others. A boss is harsh and unreasonable. Frustrated employees then talk
viciously about him to one another. A father disciplines his son,
not because he's trying to teach him more about the Lord and draw
him closer to the Lord, but because he resents the inconvenience
that his son has caused him. Can you relate to these situations
and many others could be noted. You see, we all have a need for
forgiveness, but we also all have a need to extend forgiveness
to others. And that's why we're here this
morning. We're here how to learn. We come to church not because
this is a country club for elite Christians, but because we're
all in the process of growing, hopefully, and learning. And
the need to learn how to forgive is paramount. but it's also possible. I like what one popular book
and author had to say, Ken Sandy, in his book, The Peacemaker.
He says, peacemakers are people who breathe grace to others in
the midst of conflict. Since we cannot breathe out what
we have not breathed in, this process hinges on our moment-to-moment
relationship with God. As we are filled with His grace,
we can then breathe it out to others by confessing our wrongs,
bringing them hope through the gospel, lovingly showing others
their faults, forgiving them as God has forgiven us, and manifesting
in our words and actions the fruit of the Holy Spirit. And
that's my desire for all of us here at Duluth Bible Church,
that this would be true of us. But you know, as we think of
forgiveness, it's first of all a gift from God. And until we know that gift and
how he forgives, we then can't practice that towards others
unless we understand that well. For you see, it's a gift from
God, but God only commands what he first supplies. He's reasonable
in what he commands us. So let's learn about, again,
by way of review, what we saw last Sunday, the type of forgiveness
and how God forgives us personally, before we learn this morning
more about how to forgive. one another. How does he deal
with us? He deals with us judicially, but also in grace. On your handout,
you have this point here that we saw last Sunday, that judicial
forgiveness is the first type of forgiveness he gives us, and
this occurs at the same time as our justification, when we're
declared righteous before God. He forgives us at the same time.
He permanently releases us from the penalty of our sin, what
we justly deserve and what is due to us, And he imputes to
us his own righteousness. You see, he not merely declares
us righteous, he also forgives us. And he not only forgives
us, but he puts into our bank account a positive balance of
his own righteousness. Isn't that wonderful? You see,
we're all born into this world spiritually dead, in trespasses
and sins, Ephesians 2 says. As we are all born descendants
of Adam. And the whole world's been plunged
into sin. Romans 5.12 says, because of Adam. Just as one man sinned,
so death passed to all men in the human race. And we've inherited
that sin. It's also been legally or judicially
imputed to us. And we choose to commit acts
of sin. We're threefold sinners. Three strikes and you're out
when it comes to earning salvation before God. We can't do it. And
God saw our need, he saw our helpless state, and in love,
he sent his son, Jesus Christ, to come die on the cross, pay
for all our sin in full. And because Jesus paid our sin
in full, he can then impute righteousness to us freely on the basis of
his gracious, sacrificial death. And I love what 2 Corinthians
5.21 says as it speaks of this double imputation, that God made
him, Jesus Christ, to be sin or a sin offering for us, that
we might be made the righteousness of God in Him." Notice, in Him. It's a positional concept. The
moment a sinner places their trust in Jesus Christ, They're
in Christ positionally. The Holy Spirit takes us there
and puts us there. And God now views us in his Son,
Jesus Christ. And that's why he can see us,
even though we're sinners, as clothed in the righteousness
of Christ because he sees us through his Son and through the
finished work of Jesus Christ in his death on the cross. And
this is what Romans 4 is describing when it says in verses 4 through
Six, the reference is wrong here. Now to him who works, the wages
are not counted as grace but as debt. But to him who does
not work but believes on him who justifies the ungodly, his
faith is accounted for righteousness. Just as David also describes
the blessedness of the man to whom God imputes righteousness
apart from works. Notice it's received by faith
on the basis of God's grace in the finished work of Jesus Christ.
You see, just because Jesus Christ died on the cross and made sin
available or salvation available for all mankind doesn't mean
his work is credited to someone unless they believe. They have
to believe. But it's not by working, but
by believing that one is justified. In fact, we're justified not
by faith plus works, but faith apart from works. You know, religion
teaches, even in Christendom, that yes, you need faith in Jesus
Christ, but that's not enough. You also need to go to church
and jump through the hoops. Get baptized, take communion,
get confirmed, keep the commandments, give money to the church, do
good deeds, and you might make it to heaven one day. God might
accept you. Well, that's not what the Bible
says at all. It says apart from works, and it's not by working
but believing. You see, believing is the one
condition that is non-meritorious, that is not working. It's the
opposite of working. Faith is simply reliance or trust
upon what God has done already through his Son. That's why Jesus
Christ gets all the credit when we simply trust in what he has
done for us. And what is the result? David
here is quoted from the Psalm, Psalm 32. In Romans 4, verses
7 and 8 go on to say, blessed are those whose lawless deeds
are forgiven and whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man to
whom the Lord shall not impute sin. So in other words, when
we are justified before God or counted righteous for Christ's
sake, we're also forgiven at the same time. He clears our
debt. Why? Because his son paid for
our sin in full at Calvary. Every single sin we've ever committed
was paid for there. The debt's been paid. You don't
have to do penance. You don't have to do any work
because it's 100% paid for. And that's why Jesus cried out
on the cross, it is finished. And that's why the empty tomb
shows that God the Father raised his son from the dead and all
the work's been done. The debt's been paid in full.
All we have to do is simply trust in his work for us. because he
provides salvation fully by grace. It's not of our works. You see
the contrast between the two approaches of working to be justified
and forgiven, doing penance to be forgiven, versus putting our
trust in Jesus Christ's full payment in the propitiatory work
of the cross. So this is Romans 4, and this
is what we learn. that there is a, first of all,
judicial forgiveness that we receive from God on the basis
of Christ's work and God's grace, and it's received through faith.
We also saw this in Luke chapter seven last week, how there was
a Pharisee there before Jesus, and there was an immoral woman
who was notorious for her sinfulness. And in Luke seven, verse 42,
it says, and when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely
forgave them both. And that's why they're both forgiven
by grace, not by their works. We also saw later in that chapter
in verse 50, Jesus said to the woman, your faith has already
saved you. Now go in peace. And God says
that to every believer. If you've been saved by the grace
of God, he now says, go in peace. We can have peace with God through
our Lord Jesus Christ and through his work. You know, another verse
that teaches how forgiveness is received simply through believing
is Acts 10 verse 43 where Peter's preaching to Cornelius and he
says to him regarding Jesus Christ, to him all the prophets witnessed
that through his name whoever believes in him will receive
remission of sins. It doesn't say to all who get
baptized, to all who come forward, to all who repent of all their
sins and clean up their life, to all who ask Jesus to come
into their heart, to all who dedicate their life, who recommit
their life, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. It's faith alone in
Christ alone that saves. And the promise here is that
we will receive remission of sins. And this is judicial forgiveness. It's received once for all. Once
we believe, we've received, and we have it forever. But then
there's a second kind of forgiveness in the Bible that is described,
not merely judicial forgiveness, but also parental forgiveness.
As some people might say, well, if we have this guaranteed salvation
and we're saved forever the moment we believe, then why not go out
and just sin all we want and let it rip? Because there's consequences
to that. One of which is we might lose
not salvation, but we might lose our fellowship with the Lord.
And that's why when it comes to parental forgiveness, this
is a second kind of forgiveness. It's the kind that is necessary
to restore an already eternally saved child of God to relational
harmony, the harmony of fellowship with God, not salvation, when
we as believers sin against God. And a failure to understand this
difference between judicial And parental or family forgiveness
has caused many to misunderstand that they could lose their salvation. Yet the Bible teaches eternal
security. For once a person trusts in Christ
alone, they're in the family of God forever, in that yellow
circle. But that doesn't mean as a child
of God that we always walk in fellowship with God, or that
we always walk by faith, because the Bible clearly says, eternally
saved Christians can sin. But what happens when we sin?
We don't fall out of the family of God, we fall out of fellowship
with God. And the response the Lord is requiring of us as believers,
Scripture teaches, such as in 1 John 1, is that we need to
confess or acknowledge our sin to the Lord. And then not our
salvation being restored, but our fellowship is restored. We
receive parental forgiveness, just like a child within a family.
He or she is a child forever of their parents. And yet that
doesn't always mean they're in fellowship. And for relational
harmony between mom and dad and child, there needs to be an acknowledgment
of wrongdoing. And we are so good at just rationalizing
away and justifying the need to not have to confess our sins. We'd rather live with broken
relationships and disharmony and dig in in our pride rather
than acknowledge or confess our sin to one another. and not to
the Lord as well. And so this is all that's required.
Secondly, we saw regarding parental forgiveness that this is granted
on the basis of God's character and Christ's satisfactory death
through Ark Confession. 1 John 1 verse 7 speaks of God's
character and the satisfactory death of Christ. It says, but
if we walk in the light as he is in the light, he's holy. We
have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus Christ,
his son, cleanses us from all sin in light of verse 9. Verse 9 goes on to say, but if
we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, there's his character
again, to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. And we saw that this need for
confession is highlighted in A couple of passages in the New
Testament, John 13, 8 through 10, where Jesus is washing Peter's
feet, and he describes to him two types of cleansing. One whole
bath, which speaks of regeneration, being born again, receiving judicial
forgiveness at a point in time and that lasts forever, versus
ongoing forgiveness that is needed for fellowship and partnership
even in ministry. The same was true in Acts 8 with
Simon the sorcerer. who wanted to have the gift that
Peter had because he was covening this. And he had a need for forgiveness,
for fellowship with the Lord and with the rest of the early
church, including Peter. And so you have two examples
there of the 1 John 1, 7 through 9 principle. Now, why should
we forgive one another? Having seen two types of forgiveness,
we also looked at the reason for forgiveness. Well, first
of all, our motivation for forgiving each other should be based on
the fact that God's already forgiven us judicially in Christ, so richly,
so graciously, so lovingly. Do you know that you're already
forgiven as a believer in Christ before God? Stop and just think
about that. Let that truth of your judicial
forever forgiveness just sink in. Think about how many sins
the Lord has already dealt with in your life forever, lock, stock,
and barrel. Amazing. And on the basis of
that enormous grace poured out to you, we are then to be motivated
to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving one another, even as
God, for Christ's sake, not for our own sake, but for Christ's
sake, has forgiven you." You see, his son interposed himself
between a holy God and us, and God is already, for Jesus Christ's
sake, forgiven you. And if God has done that for
Jesus Christ's sake for you individually, we should extend that to one
another. And what this shows us again
is the heart of God, that in his character, he's an inherently
loving, gracious, forgiving God. In fact, in the book of Exodus,
when You know, the name of God is uttered as he in his glory
passes by Moses and Moses catches basically the afterburners of
God's glory passing by. The name of God is declared.
And one of the descriptions of God is that he is a forgiving
God, forgiving generation upon generation. And when you choose
to forgive someone else for Jesus Christ's sake, As you look at
them and you look at how they've hurt you and so forth, yet you
say in your mind's eye, I'm gonna forgive that person because Christ
you have forgiven me or God you've forgiven me through your son.
You are magnifying the character and nature of God and the type
of person God is and you are reflecting God in that sense
and you are bringing glory to God. That's what he wants in
each of our Christian lives. And so understanding the vertical
is key to the horizontal when it comes to forgiveness. This
is a basic truth, but it's so key and so foundational. Now,
why should we forgive one another? Well, first of all, for Christ's
sake we saw. Secondly, we should forgive. because the result of refusing
to forgive others will include a loss for us, a loss of fellowship
with God, which then will require his parental forgiveness in our
life. You see, there is a consequence or a result of us refusing to
forgive someone else. We will fall out of that fellowship
circle with God, but not out of the family of God, is the
simple truth of the matter. And we saw this in Matthew chapter
6. where Jesus said, for if you forgive men their trespasses,
your heavenly Father will forgive you, will also forgive you. But
if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your
Father forgive you your trespasses. You know, I've read a book in
the last month on forgiveness, and there's a whole chapter where
the author, I'm not gonna say his name, it's irrelevant, but
he says, if you don't forgive others, you will go to hell.
And he says that because he doesn't understand the distinction between
two types of forgiveness in scripture, judicial and parental. He interprets
this passage as judicial forgiveness. Incredible. I thought as I read
that, ouch, that's harsh. Ouch, if that's true, I got no
chance of going to heaven. I'm blowing it all the time.
But think about this passage for a moment. Look at what Jesus
says. Is he addressing those who are
outside the family of God, unbelievers who are unsaved? Or is he addressing
children of God who have God as their father? He says it twice. Your father, your heavenly father.
This is talking about parental forgiveness in the family of
God. But what it shows us is, if we refuse to forgive one another,
then God says, well then you're out of fellowship with me because
you're walking in a manner that's inconsistent with my character
and I want to forgive but you don't want to forgive. We're
not in fellowship at the moment. That's the basic truth of that
verse or verses. So we've seen The what of forgiveness,
what it is, two types. We've seen the why we should
forgive. Now let's consider who we should forgive. First of all,
we saw last Sunday that we should never seek to forgive God. Why? Well, this is a basic truth.
God never sins. He doesn't need forgiveness.
He's the giver of forgiveness, never the recipient of it. And
I say that because sometimes you actually hear this, that
if you're bitter towards God, you just need to tell God that
bitterness, and it's kind of a subtle way of almost accusing
God, and that's just utter blasphemy. The Bible never says we should
forgive God. Likewise, in Scripture, we are
never told to forgive ourselves. Do you realize that? Why? Because
our sin is always two parties involved, us towards God, and
sometimes towards others. And when we sin towards others,
other human beings, we still have sinned against God. 1 Corinthians
8.12 makes this point. It says, for when you thus judge
or for when you thus sin against the brethren and wound their
weak conscience, you sin against Christ. So we are never told
to forgive ourselves. And thirdly, we are told in Scripture
to forgive anyone of any thing. anyone of anything. We are told
this again in Mark 11, verses 25 and 26, where it says, and
whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone,
forgive him, that your father in heaven may also forgive you
your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither
will your father in heaven forgive your trespasses. Again, he's
speaking here to children of God who have God as their father,
and thus he's talking about parental forgiveness and fellowship forgiveness. But this shows us how seriously
God takes the issue of forgiveness, so seriously that if we as a
child of God are unwilling to forgive those who've sinned against
us, then God says, guess what, now you need forgiveness, parental
forgiveness. Well, there can be exceptions,
Lord. You know, the little sins, I'll forgive those, but not the
really big ones that really hurt me. And remember the words of
the Lord Jesus, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him. I don't like that. That's what
Jesus says. Anyone and anything. And so we've
seen the what of forgiveness, the why of forgiveness, and the
who of forgiveness. And last Sunday we began to look
at the how of forgiving one another, and let's just review this point
as well. We saw first of all, that as believers in Christ,
we should forgive others vertically and unconditionally by releasing
to God all desire for retaliation or vengeance we may have in our
heart and commit the matter to the Lord's care while desiring
at the same time the reconciliation with that other person and desiring
that other person's welfare. That's genuine love. You say,
well, I can vertically let it go and give it to the Lord, but
I don't ever want to talk to that person again. Well, it sounds
like you have an unloving heart towards that person, not a tender
heart. It sounds like you don't really
want reconciliation, which, by the way, is always the goal of
forgiveness. You see, God doesn't want merely
for you to forgive and clear the guilty and then walk away
and give him the cold shoulder for the rest of your life. Now,
the whole point is reconciliation and restoration and true unity.
and peace between one another. This is the heart of God. And
so we are to release that person to the Lord, just as we saw in
Mark 11 verse 25, there's a vertical component as you're standing
there praying, and if you've got something against someone
else in your heart, you are to forgive them. Well, I haven't
even gone to talk to them yet. That's okay. Talk to me about
it first. You're already praying, so now
confess it to me. Let me change your heart, and
then you go talk to that person. So Mark 11.25 is talking about
the vertical before we address the horizontal. And that's why
this is so important, the priority of the vertical first. Secondly,
we saw in terms of how we should forgive one another, that there's
also this horizontal forgiveness, where the believer in Christ
should seek to forgive the offending person or persons on the condition
of their repentance. There is a condition involved
for this kind of fellowship, again, and reconciliation, the
condition of repentance or a change of mind, an acknowledgement of
wrongdoing, in order to restore relational harmony and fellowship. Again, as we think of this diagram
or this illustration, we need to release first to the Lord.
There's the vertical. And then we go to the other person,
and we seek fellowship with them, but we also expect it to be on
the basis of truth. You know, at some point, some
well-meaning people often object, well, if you practice that kind
of forgiveness, you may as well be a doormat and let people walk
all over you. Now, we're not talking about
being a doormat. We're talking about being proactive,
turning this matter over to God so that God can deal with people
And that may involve, as I said last week, involving the government
and the justice system of each government that he has put in
place and ordained as Romans 13 declares. But this is where horizontal
forgiveness comes in, in that it requires repentance and the
distinction between ongoing trust versus a moment of forgiveness. I'd like to read to you a portion
out of a book page 142, a book by Alfred Poirier called
The Peacemaking Pastor. He says on page 142 regarding
the need for transactional forgiveness conditioned on repentance, he
says, the popular press has been quick to note examples of fatalistic
forgiveness. Example number one, in Edmonton,
Canada woman is run down on a crosswalk and killed. Eight months later,
when the driver is fined $400, the woman's daughter shakes the
offender's hand and tells him he is forgiven. Does that seem
right to you? Secondly, a cabbie is suddenly
shot dead by two 16-year-old boys. The cabbie's careening
car kills another woman. And then the presiding judge
refuses to move the trial from juvenile to adult court. The
woman's husband responds by saying, it's okay, I don't want a stiff
penalty for two little boys. Does that seem right? Here's
a third example he writes of. He says, a young woman is stabbed
to death by a friend during a late night drinking party. His mother
says she has no bad feelings, quote unquote, toward the killer,
and that, quote, he has suffered enough already, unquote. Does
that seem right to you? Here's a fourth example that
Poirier writes about. Molly McLeod is sexually abused
by her pastor as a young girl. Later in her 20s, she goes public
and writes letters to certain members in her congregation telling
them what happened. They all reply that she should
just forgive her abuser. She instead calls on her denomination
to revoke her pastor's ordination. The denomination has yet to respond. Does that seem just or right
to you? Poirier goes on to say, these
are not stories of true forgiveness. They are the sad resignation
of people who've given up on justice and have no hope for
reconciliation. Forgiveness, which ought to be
one of the greatest moral acts of humankind, is reduced to a
shrug by cynical shoulders, acquiescing to the dark despair of fatalism."
Wow. This is reality, folks. But there
is a need for horizontal forgiveness and a condition of repentance. Speaking of this distinction
between the vertical and the horizontal, I didn't just make
this up and, you know, grab out of the Bible what I think is
there. Others have recognized these twofold type of forgiveness
here. I mentioned last week Wendell
Miller in his book, Forgiveness. He says again, notice that the
forgiveness in this verse, contextually Luke 17 verse 3, is conditional. And we'll see this verse in a
moment. You are to grant forgiveness to those who offend you if and
when they repent. In contrast, in Mark 11.25, believers
are to forgive unconditionally. The forgiveness of Mark 11.25
is a vertical transaction between the offended person and God,
and the forgiveness of Luke 17.3 is a horizontal transaction between
the offender and the one he offended. What does it say in that passage?
Here's what Jesus taught. Take heed to yourselves. If your
brother sins against you, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive
him. And if he sins against you seven
times in a day and seven times in a day returns to you, saying,
I repent, you shall forgive him. How do you know if someone's
repentance is genuine? Sometimes people say, well, if you go back
and you commit the same sin over again, you weren't genuine in
your past repentance. I don't think that's true. Do
you ever have a pattern of sin in your life? As a believer,
ask yourself honestly that question. You ever go back to the same
old sins? The ones that you confessed and acknowledged to the Lord
and you had a change of mind or repented about and received
forgiveness for? You know, there are some in Christianity,
many in fact, most perhaps, who would say, you didn't genuinely
repent in the past if you're repeating it now. Really? Jesus says here, If someone sins
against you and you go to him and you rebuke them and they
repent, say, I repent, you're to forgive them. And then if
they do it six more times, seven times in a day, you're to do
it again. You are not to go to them and say, I don't think your
repentance was genuine. And we must be very careful not
to refuse forgiveness to others on the basis of past performance
or past track record. but on the basis of present repentance. Do you see the difference? But
again, let me underscore, there's a difference between trust and
forgiveness. You take a wife who's been cheated
on multiple times, and she says, I just can't stay in this relationship
with this guy anymore. That's why the Bible permits
the grounds for divorce of infidelity. Jesus taught that. Not because
he can't be forgiven of his multiple affairs, but she can't trust
him anymore. Sin changes things, and God acknowledges
that. Or like a business. Let's say
you're a Christian businessman, and you've even got a Christian
employee. You praise God, you're your fellow employee, or you're
the boss, he's the employee, and you've got believers working
for you. And then you find out that this believer has been stealing
from you. And you confront him on it. And
he confesses it. And you give him a second chance.
And a third chance. And a seventh chance. And so
forth. Are you obligated to keep him
employed? No. That's why I said last week,
you can tell him, you're forgiven, but you're fired. Or here's a very gripping, emotional,
uncomfortable example? What if somebody molests your
child? Maybe it was a former babysitter. And you choose to forgive them.
And then they may even acknowledge their sin, and you have a restoration
of fellowship. Are you obligated to have them
come back and babysit your child again? No. You see, there's this thing called
trust that's different from forgiveness. And I say that because I have
heard that used over the years, that if you don't let me just
continue as things were before, you really haven't forgiven me.
No, not true. You just haven't grown in your
walk with the Lord and you haven't taken responsibility. But I do
forgive you. Do you see the difference? You
see, when it comes to genuine forgiveness, there is a need
to rebuke or reprove in love, but also for repentance on the
part of that other person. So long as when we go to people
and we seek their repentance, it's for the goal or desire of
having reconciliation and restoration and not just pushing them away.
Saying, I'm done with you. Don't want to be around you for
the rest of my life. And there is a need to speak the truth
in love, as Ephesians 4.15 says. But notice what Jesus says here,
and I love the order of verses three and four. Before you go
to somebody else, you need to look at your own heart. That's
why he says, first order of business, take heed to yourself. Then you can approach the other
person or offending person to reprove or rebuke them as you
hope for and pray for and desire their repentance. Now as we think
of then this vertical and horizontal forgiveness again, just to show
you that others have seen this in Scripture as well, I'm going
to quote from this book here again by Alfred Poirier, the
peacemaking pastor. In fact, I believe this book
was recommended by Rich McCarroll. He says, Scripture sees forgiveness
in two stages. One stage is what takes place
in our hearts, and the other stage is manifest in our actions.
We can call the first dispositional forgiveness, which we would call
vertical, and the second, transactional forgiveness, which we would call
horizontal forgiveness. Mark 11.25 is the basis of having
or adopting a disposition of forgiveness, vertical. Christ
calls the offended person to forgive the offender from the
heart prior to any actual transaction at which time the offender repents
and the offended forgives. That's the vertical. The distinction
between these two again, Poirier goes on to say, dispositional
forgiveness is unilateral, that's that vertical again. Only one
person is actively pursuing forgiveness. Transactional forgiveness, conversely,
is bilateral. Both the offended and the offender
are involved. The offended rebuking and the
offender repenting. The offender confessing, the
offended granting forgiveness. He concludes, In transactional
forgiveness, we take specific steps toward being reconciled
with the one who offends us, and he or she in turn responds.
In Luke 17 3, Jesus instructs, if your brother sins, rebuke
him, and if he repents, forgive him. Notice the pattern he describes. Sins, rebuke, repents, forgive. Friends, this is the Two types
of forgiveness the Bible describes. The vertical must come before
the horizontal. Now, if we really understand
how God has dealt with us so graciously, we would be willing
to extend it to others and treat them as such. So how should we
practically and biblically proceed with this? Well, let me give
you some specific tips in this area, biblically speaking. First
of all, we should take heed to ourself and be prepared to admit
our sin to others. You know, forgiveness is rarely
a one-sided affair, isn't it? It's rarely a simple thing. Someone
has said forgiveness is like a figurative handshake, and you
don't shake hands with yourself, at least not if you're a sane
person. And remember that relationships and reconciliation always involve
two parties at least. And none of us are sinless and
never in need of God's parental ongoing forgiveness in our Christian
life. So if we go to someone to rebuke
them, as Jesus said, we need to be prepared, first of all,
in our own hearts to forgive them. Otherwise, what are we
seeking to accomplish if we don't take heed to ourself first? You
ever done this? You go to that other person because
you're just mad at them. You just want to rebuke them
to show them they're wrong. You give them a piece of your
mind that you can't afford to lose. And what is your real goal
in that case? Just to make them feel guilty
or for them to be forgiven? Do you see the difference? You
see, if we don't take heed to ourself first and we're not going
with a prepared heart to even admit where we've sinned before
the Lord and others, then it's hardly a constructive conversation
that will ensue. So first of all, take heed to
yourself, be prepared to admit your sin. Secondly, take the
initiative with the other person. Remember the order of Luke 17,
three and four? Take heed to yourself first,
then go to the other person. And by the way, won't that often
take a step of faith on your part? Because let's face it,
who likes confrontation? Now some do. Some get a kick
out of that. They love to get a reaction out
of other people and they kind of take pleasure in that. But
most of us don't. In fact, we would rather avoid
the pain and the displeasure that often comes with a relationship
that is broken and may not be well received if we go to that
person. That's where your faith in God will be tested and you
have to entrust that person to the Lord and go forth in faith
and realize God is bigger than this relationship, breach, or
problem. It will take a deliberate act of faith on your part. But
there is a need for loving confrontation as you go, desiring their reconciliation. Thirdly, I would say don't blow
up at the other person. Remember the words of James 119,
let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath.
Be prepared to hear something in return that you need to take
heed to as well. Be patient, be long-suffering
as the Lord is towards you, but don't avoid that other person
or that problem either. By the way, avoidance never resolves
problems, does it? In fact, it only prolongs the
alienation and often deepens the hurt. And oftentimes when
we avoid the person we need reconciliation with, isn't it often simply a
masking mechanism done out of selfish motives because we want
to avoid the pain and the unpleasant path of having to confront that
other person for his or her offense, so we just shut down and avoid.
That's not what Jesus is saying to do here. There is a place
to go forth in faith and love, taking heed to yourself for the
desire of reconciliation and forgiveness. In hope and prayer,
that other person will repent. Fourthly, I would say as you
go, choose your words wisely. In fact, if you're not ready
to go to that other person, pray. Pray and ask the Lord, give me
the words to say. Give me the right verses, in
fact, from the word of God. Proverbs 25 verse 11 says, a
word fitly spoken is like apples of gold and settings of silver. There is a place for fitting
words that we speak Words of grace, Colossians 4 says. So ask the Lord for wisdom. He's
promised to give you that, and then go forth with the right
words to say at the right time in the right way. But also as
you think of that, beware of gossip. I would say also keep
the circle of people small who are, quote unquote, in the know.
Isn't there a reason why the Bible warns about gossip over
and over again? Well, Christians don't do that.
Are you kidding? That may be next to pride, the
number one sin we're guilty of. Proverbs 26 verse 20 says, where
there is no wood, the fire goes out. And where there's no tailbearer,
strife ceases. Isn't that a vivid way of saying
things? Proverbs 18.8 says, the words
of a tailbearer are like tasty trifles, and they go down into
the inmost body. In other words, ooh, there's
a juicy morsel we want to become aware of. But is it really helpful?
Is it really edifying? Is it designed to build one another
up or put self above others? That's the pride of our flesh.
Proverbs 16.28 says, a perverse man sows strife and a whisperer
separates the best of friends. Can I ask you this morning, what
are you sowing? What seeds are you planting? Seeds that will help or seeds
that will hurt? You know, regarding keeping the
circle small, ask yourself this question as a test to see if
you're really practicing grace forgiveness. Ask yourself this,
could those who've sinned against me and then repented privately
come back to church here and fellowship without other people
condemning them based on what they've heard and what they know. You know, there's value in concealing
others' faults as you seek the reconciliation and repentance
process, because you'll be covering for that person. You know, we
as Christians are very good at wanting a cover for ourself,
but not very good at giving a cover to others. And yet, 1 Peter 4.8
says love covers a multitude of sins. Aren't you glad for
the love that has blanketed you from God? Now take that blanket
and throw it on others. Secondly, I would say beware
of the temptation to justify self in the eyes of others at
the risk or cost of unnecessarily exposing someone else's failures. What is the pride and tendency
of the flesh? It is to always want to be right, to be justified. And didn't you have to give that
up when you came to the cross? When you said, Lord, I can't
justify myself, I don't cut it, and I need your grace, and I
need the finished work of Christ, and you have to be the one to
justify me. And you need to take that same
approach that you took going to the cross the first time and
think that way over and over again in the Christian life,
especially in relationships to others. Now, how should we practically
and biblically proceed with this? Well, here's another thing to
consider. To the offended party, be specific
about your sin. You know, don't go to that other
person and say, for example, if I have hurt you, I'm sorry. Well, that puts it back on them,
not on you. I'm sorry for how you were offended
in this situation. Well, that kind of sounds like
a veiled accusation, doesn't it? It doesn't sound like you're
really sorry or repentant. So just like when it comes to
forgiveness before the Lord in our own walk with the Lord, be
specific in acknowledging, Lord, I sinned here, here, and here.
I name it. Now, you don't have to Just simply
name it. I'm not being, you know, rote
in this or trite. It's important, but be specific. Take ownership. Take full responsibility
is the idea about your sin. And be careful not to blame the
other person. Be careful not to blame shift
as this often happens. I'm sorry for how I reacted to
your rude insult towards me. You ever done that? Of course
you have. That's why you're laughing. We can relate, right? And the
Bible says don't do that. That's not really taking heed
to yourself. And I would say this as well. There's a place
for restitution at times. Let's say you've stolen something
from your boss. Isn't it the right thing to do
to make restitution in that case, even if he fired you? Even if
he's a believer? Yes. So there is a place for
restitution. How about this? You've slandered
somebody publicly. You've gone around and told others
things that aren't true about that person. Is there a place
to go back and say, you know what? I was wrong about that.
And I'm seeking reconciliation. Now that's not necessarily restitution,
but you're seeking to restore relationships again. That would
show the heart of God and a genuine understanding of God's grace.
Now how should we forgive one another? Well, let's turn to
Matthew 18 with our remaining time here, and we'll look at
a few passages in closing, a few more key points. We should forgive
one another repeatedly, Jesus says. In Matthew 18, he illustrates
this. Matthew 18, starting in verse Matthew 18, 21. Then Peter came
to him, that is Jesus, and said, Lord, how often shall my brother
sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times? You know,
in Jesus and Peter's day, it was considered among the Jewish
rabbis to be very magnanimous if you forgave somebody three
times. So Peter thinks, man, I am going
to double that and add one. Jesus will be really impressed.
And what does Jesus say? Verse 23, Jesus said to him,
I do not say to you up to seven times, but Peter, let's multiply
that by 10. And so Peter's hearing this and
probably thinking, ugh, up to 70 times? How is that even possible? You know how it's possible? By
the grace of God. By remembering the grace God
has shown you and how many times he's forgiven you, and by the
way, it's a lot more than 70, isn't it? Then you will have the grace
from God vertically to extend to others horizontally. That's
how. I remember a story I heard of
a U.S. general in the colonial days, or a general around the
colonial days, he might have been British. He said to the
hymn writer and circuit riding preacher John Wesley, He said,
I'll never forgive and I'll never forget. Wesley wisely replied,
then, sir, I hope you never sin. You know, we all sin and don't
we all have a need for repeated forgiveness from the Lord? So
why are we still stubborn in showing it to others or admitting
that we have such a need? Amazing. You know, some object
to this repeated forgiveness and say, well, this will just
merely encourage more sin and offenses. Really? Remember that
story we read last week from Luke 7 about the immoral woman
who was forgiven a greater amount of sins than the self-righteous
Pharisee? Notice what Jesus said in that
passage. Therefore, I say to you, her sins, which are many,
are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven,
the same loves little. Now, God isn't saying go out
and sin even more so that you'll experience more grace and you'll
love me more. He's not saying that. But He
is saying don't object by saying that if you are forgiven of much,
well, that's just going to encourage more sin. No, the person who
realizes the debt for which they have been forgiven and the depths
of their forgiveness will have tremendous gratitude and say,
thank you, Lord. and live their life as such.
Now thinking again of horizontal forgiveness and it being conditional,
let's go back to Luke 17, three and four here. I want to make
a few more points about this. When it comes to then extending
forgiveness to someone on a horizontal level, based on the infinite
grace of God shown towards us, There is a need for repentance,
and many refuse to see this in Scripture. You know, I remember when I was
a student at UMD, shortly before I was saved, I went to the campus
priest at the Newman House, the Roman Catholic priest there,
and I had one last-ditch effort to remain Catholic. So I went
to him with my list of questions based on the Bible. And I remember
he shocked me by his answers. He said that he believes one
day in heaven we're going to see Judas Iscariot and Lucifer
himself fully forgiven at the feet of Jesus because he believed
in universalism. Jesus paid it all so everybody
goes to heaven, including Satan, he says, and Judas. I was shocked. I got out of there so fast, and
I'll tell you what, I never looked back on the Roman Catholic Church. but I ended up getting saved
not long after that. What's the danger in unconditional
forgiveness for eternal life? Well, it gives people a false
assurance. You tell the unsaved, well, you're fine. Jesus paid
it all. You don't have to acknowledge
that you've sinned, you deserve hell, that Christ paid it all.
You pacify them right into hell. How is that loving? Now when
it comes to a fellow brother or sister in Christ who's already
saved and you just say, oh, you don't have to repent, you don't
have to acknowledge any wrongdoing, I just have given it to the Lord,
that's okay. Don't you also give them the false assurance that
they're in fellowship with the Lord? That they don't need ongoing
parental forgiveness when in fact there's a broken relationship
right here between the two of you? So let's not change the words
of Jesus here. There is a need for repentance.
Now look with me next as we go on in Matthew 18 to see this
next point. We not only need to forgive repeatedly,
but sincerely. This is the point of the passage.
Up to 70 times, verse 22 said. Then Jesus gives an illustration,
verse 23. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven
is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to
him who owed him 10,000 talents. You know, 10,000 talents in that
day would be the equivalent roughly of like $10 million today. So
one servant owes the king about 10 million bucks. He's greatly
in debt. There's no way he's gonna get
this paid off on his own. Verse 25, But as he was not able
to pay, his master commanded that he be sold with his wife
and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down
before him, pleading for mercy, in other words, saying, Master,
have patience with me and I will pay you all. Then the master
of that servant was moved with compassion, released him and
forgave him the debt. But that servant went out and
found one of his fellow servants who owed him 100 denarii. Now about how much would that
be? About 10 bucks in modern terms. So keep this in mind. That servant who's been cleared
of his debt owed about 10 million bucks and now he's demanding
about 10 bucks from someone else. Going on. Verse 28, But that
servant went out, found one of his fellow servants who owed
him a hundred denarii, ten bucks, and he laid hands on him and
took him by the throat, saying, Pay me what you owe me. So his fellow servant fell down
at his feet, begged him, saying, Have patience with me, and I
will pay you all. And he would not, but went and
threw him into prison till he had paid until he should pay
the debt. So when his fellow servants saw
what he had done, they were very grieved and came and told their
master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had
called him, said to him, you wicked servant, I forgave you
all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have
had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on
you? And his master was angry and
delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that
was due him. Now, verse 34 is legal ground
under the law. That's why I like the Schofield
note. Here is justice on the ground of law. Compare the grace
God offered to sinners after the cross, after everything's
been paid in full. Jesus bore the wrath of God for
us. We are now to forgive others on the ground of his finished
work. But going on, verse 35, here's
my point. Notice, from his heart. In other words, don't merely
say to somebody, I forgive you, but then you go around and you
talk about them and you tear them down and you want everybody
to have a case and campaign against that other person you've forgiven.
Or how about this, more practically speaking? You say to the other
person, I forgive you, and then you go back in your mind, and
you know, you get in your workout. Boom, boom, boom, boom. You know,
they're like a punching bag, a spiritual pinata. You're whacking
them. And mentally, you've got to give
this thing back over to the Lord. And you may have to do this mentally,
sincerely, from the heart, but also repeatedly. And I say this
because aren't we as human beings often on like a hamster wheel?
Oh, I forgive you. And then I'm going to go back
on my little treadmill, think all about it, rehearse in my
mind, just replay that over and over again. And you've got to
keep casting it upon the Lord. That will take an act of faith.
That will take a deliberate choice. And by the way, it won't take
a feeling. If you wait till you feel like doing it, you probably
will never do it. Or how about this statement we
often hear and use for ourselves? Well, I can forgive, but I can't
forget. Well, it's true, you may not forget, but that's not
the point, and that's not the metaphor, biblically speaking.
When it says God doesn't remember our sins, they're buried in the
depths of the deepest sea, that doesn't mean he shuts off his
omniscience as he thinks of you and your past. What that means
is he's choosing to let it go, but he knows all about it. In
fact, that's why in Scripture, there are sins of the saints
recorded forever. Did God obviously forget about
those? Well, not literally, but practically speaking, He did.
And we are to do the same. Choose to forgive in faith from
the heart, repeatedly and sincerely. And here's our Second to last
point, we are to choose to forgive one another graciously, just
as Christ has forgiven us. Stop and think of grace. What
is grace? It's his unmerited favor shown
towards those who deserve the very opposite. So that's what
we are to show others. That's what we saw in Luke 7.42
and also in Ephesians 4.32. And with that graciousness comes
a posture of heart. Don't merely say, well, I forgive
you, but I have a hard heart towards you, and I'm going to
be really gruff towards you and not kind. Notice these things
are coupled with forgiveness in Ephesians 4.32 here. The Lord
is seeking to tenderize our hearts, and nothing tenderizes the heart
better than the infinite love of God and the grace of God shown
to us who deserve the opposite from God. Now, what should accompany
all this? genuine love. For time's sake,
we won't go there. You can look this up on your
own. 1 Corinthians 13, 4-7 describes the characteristics of genuine
agape love. But one of the things it describes
is, it says in verse 7, that love bears all things and endures
all things. And by the way, it hopes all
things too. You're hoping that other person will repent when
you go to them. And even if they don't repent the first time you
go to them, you're hoping at some point in life they will
repent and things can be restored. In the meantime, you're going
to bear all things and endure all things with that hope and
love in mind. Now, sometimes people say, well,
I have a right to withhold forgiveness because you fill in the blank. How badly they hurt me, they
keep doing it, whatever the reason. No, you actually don't have a
right to withhold forgiveness because you've received enormous
forgiveness from the Lord of all your sins, of all kinds. So who are you to withhold it
from others? You know, you think of Joseph. He was mistreated
by his brothers. They wanted to kill him. They
threw him in a pit. They wanted to kill him and just
get rid of him. Instead, they said, well, let's
at least make a buck off him. Let's sell him to the traveling
Midianites. So they did. And they thought, goodbye, good
riddance, we're done. We made our money off our brother,
only to have him show up in Egypt. He went to the house where he
was put in charge as a steward and then tempted, et cetera,
and falsely accused. And then he was thrown into prison.
And then the butler, the baker, and the candlestick maker, they're
in prison. forgot all about him and didn't
keep their word. But you know, God was faithful
and he had a plan. And Joseph's heart did not get
hard. The Lord was with him. And what happened? In a moment,
in one day, he went from the prison to the palace. He was
promoted to second in command in all of Egypt, right under
Pharaoh. And as a result, God and his grace and providence
could use Joseph's position to have his brothers and the tribe
of all the 12 tribes, the nation of Israel, come down to Egypt,
be preserved through the famine as part of God's plan to preserve
that nation. But as all part of that, he had
to forgive his brothers. And you know what helped him
forgive in that instance? Genesis 50-20. You guys meant
it against me for evil, but I can see the hand of God in allowing
it to happen. because God meant it for good. Keep that in mind when it comes
to forgiveness, dear believer. Why does God allow you to be
sinned against? Well, so you would learn grace.
Isn't that a wonderful thing? To be more like your Savior. Aren't we all seeking to just
be transformed more and more to be like Jesus Christ? That
should be our goal, that Christ be glorified The more gracious,
the more forgiving we can be. Lastly, let's turn to Matthew
chapter 5 for one last passage here. We'll look at this more
quickly. Matthew 5, starting in verse
23. As believers, we are also to
forgive one another urgently. Don't put it off. Verse 23, therefore,
if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that
your brother has something against you, notice in this case, it's not
you have something against your brother, like in other passages
in the Gospels. Here, it's if your brother has
something against you, and you know that there's a breach of
fellowship there, what are you to do? Leave your gift there
before the altar and go your way. Take the initiative. First
be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your
gift. Agree with your adversary quickly while you are on the
way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge and
the judge hand you over to the officer and you be thrown into
prison. By the way, the heart that doesn't
forgive is a self-made prison. And I think Jesus is talking
about a literal prison here, but there can be figurative prisons
we keep ourselves in as well. Verse 26, assuredly I say to
you, you will by no means get out of there until you've paid
the last penny. His whole point is to make it
a priority in showing this forgiveness. And so this is how practically
we are to forgive. Now much more could be said on
the subject of forgiveness. It's very important. It's a daily
thing. in our Christian life that we
need from the Lord, we are to extend to one another. But I
thought that these two messages would help you in a practical
way in terms of the relationships that you're involved in. Let's
close in prayer. Father, thank you so much for
the Lord Jesus who loved us despite our sin and saw our need that
it was greater. Your love was greater. than the
depths of our sin. Your grace is greater." And so
we just thank you for this. Thank you for how you've forgiven
us through Christ. May we as a church just grow,
we pray. And you would use your word now,
the things we've learned, to that end. We ask this in Jesus'
name.
Forgiving One Another Pt. 2
Series Miscellaneous
| Sermon ID | 121624137377773 |
| Duration | 1:05:59 |
| Date | |
| Category | Sunday Service |
| Bible Text | Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:32 |
| Language | English |
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