You're listening to audio from Ascend Church. For more information about Ascend or to access more gospel-centered tools to grow as a disciple of Christ, visit AscendKC.org. So today, one thing that I often run into in soul care is I run into people who are having conflicts in life. And so what I love is that God's Word addresses this very thoroughly in His Word. And so today we're gonna be looking at James 4, and so if you don't have a Bible, there'll be one to see back in front of you, so grab that Bible, open that Bible, and we'll be looking at James 4, carefully studying exactly what God says about conflict. And what's great about this is that there's a lot written about conflict. There's a lot. In fact, there's popular books out there. One popular book that's old and dated but still one that people often think about is Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. You guys heard about that book? And what it's accomplishing to do is saying, okay, men and women are different. How in the world are they supposed to exist together? In fact, it's so different that they are like from different planets. And so that's oftentimes how we can see is that we are just such different people. And again, another thing that often people see as the reason for conflict is just all the personalities that we have, right? Personality is often seen as the reason for our conflicts. And so you've probably been part of businesses that will do a personality test so that you guys can figure out how do we work through these conflicts? And so there's, if you had experience with this, you'll typically see that there's around four different personality types, and they boil down to kind of these. So the first one is the sanguine. And this is the personality type that is described primarily as highly talkative, enthusiastic, active, and social. And so they tend to be more extroverted, enjoy time with people and in crowds. So you might be saying, yep, that's me, I'm a seguin. Another type is choleric. And what this personality type is, they're more extroverted. They are described as independent, decisive, and goal-oriented and ambitious. These combined with their dominant result-oriented outlook make them natural leaders. So you go, oh man, that describes me to a T. And then third, there's the melancholic. This person tends to be analytic, detail-oriented, deep thinkers and feelers. They're introverted and try to avoid being singled out in a crowd. And so you might be looking through that and be like, yes, that is where I fall. And the last one is phlegmatic. No, I didn't sneeze. Now, phlegmatic individuals tend to be relaxed, peaceful, quiet, and easygoing. They are sympathetic and care about others, yet they try to hide their emotions. And so I look at that one, I'm like, ugh, yep, that describes me quite well. And if you ask my wife, she'd be like, yes, that does describe you, right? And so we can look at this, and what we're doing when we're trying to search for personalities, what we're called to do is try, okay, understand who you are, figure out your wiring, and then examine the people that you're interacting with, figure out their wiring, and if you guys can figure out your wirings, you can use communicating techniques, and you'll figure out how to communicate well, and you can have conflict in a civil manner. But is that what causes conflicts? There's another popular book that recently, no, I won't say recent, it's been years too. It's called The Five Love Languages. And this book, what it set out to do is to say, you know what, in order for us to be able to love each other well and not to have conflict, we have to understand what each other's love languages are. And so there's the love language of words of affirmation. These people need encouraging words in their life. There's the other that has the acts of service. And so this person needs others just to creatively come alongside and be able to serve them and do things for them. And that's what speaks their love language. And that's what's going to help them just be able to interact with other people. The other one is just the gifts, receiving gifts or tangible blessings. And so this doesn't mean that you're materialistic, okay? What this means is that you just enjoy. You want people to reach out in the way that you know that they care is by what they give. Another one is just quality time. There's certain people that just like to spend time with each other. If you're going to have work through conflict best, you need to make sure you're setting aside time and investing in them. Another one's physical touch. And this person really wants the hugs. They want the affirmation, they need the comfort is what this would say, is a physical touch in order to have good conflicts, to be able to talk in an appropriate manner and to live life together. So conflicts, if we would just get better to know and exercise these love languages with each other, we wouldn't have conflict. But is that what the Bible says? I was doing some research this week and came by the Business Insider Journal. And here was Rafi Letzer's conclusion on why people have conflicts. He starts with, people with power do not get respect. And so there's fights, there's anger towards their subordinates. The second reason is people are not getting enough sleep. I can attest to that with a six-month-old last night who woke up at 2 o'clock in the morning and decided, hey, I'm going to cry for an hour. You know, let's just have some fun. And so what he would say is, hey, I have permission to do conflict because I'm just not physically rested. This third one is people are going to defend their stance and be right. So these people need to be heard. They need you to be affirmed just where they're at and what they're thinking. And so you need to come alongside and just kind of, again, affirm what they're thinking. That will avoid conflict. Yes, if you agree with me, of course, we won't have conflict, guys. This fourth one's you're self-involved. So there's just, this is interesting, and we'll get more into this as we dive into our text today. And so we'll just kind of leave that one on the back burner. But then the fifth one is you're not kind enough to yourself. And so you're, okay, so you don't wanna be self-involved, I'll get you in conflict, but you also need to be kind of self-involved and care about yourself in order to not have conflict. I don't know how to work through that, so we'll move on. Last one is you're not authentic, that you just don't share what's on your heart. And so if you would just share more what's on your heart and let it loose, then you wouldn't have conflicts. So these are just a couple of theories, of many theories, of why we have conflict. And so when we look at James 4.1, he poses the same question that the world has. It says, what causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? So the world would tell us that conflict resolution that you need to seek to learn the person's wiring, know their wiring, then tailor your conflicts so that you can conflict in a civil manner. But as we will see today, that is not what God sees as the source of our conflict. So before we dive into the text, I'm a biblical counselor. So one thing that I do as a biblical counselor, I give lots of homework. And my counselees love me because every time they come, they know they're gonna get more homework. Sign me up for that, right? But I am gonna give you some homework as we go through the message today that I just want you to do this little exercise. So what I want you to do is think or write down at least one situation where you are frustrated with another person. Briefly think about what your conflict is about. I'll give you just a couple, 30 seconds. Think about the people that you're interacting with right now. Who are you frustrated with? Who are you in conflict with? Because as we go through this text, God's going to help us understand and define why we are in conflict. But before we do that, let's go to the Lord in prayer. Father, I just thank you for this morning. Thank you for this opportunity just to interact, to look at your word, to discover the truths of your word, to be able to dive into the text and see that you are so clear and you are so wonderful to give us the truth of why we find ourselves in conflict. And Father, I pray that as we do wrestle with this today, where all of our hearts in this room will be softened, ready to hear your word and let it be implanted onto our hearts. Because Father, if all we do is we hear and we just think this is another theory that can be thwarted, then Father, we will reject this theory. But this is not a theory. This is your truth. that you have given, so that, Father, that we can find the joy, the peace, the unity, the harmony to walk with you, and then, Father, to walk with others. And so, Father, I pray that you would bless this time and bless this service today. In Jesus' name I pray, amen. All right, so the first thing that we have to do as we tackle our conflicts, we have to realize the source of the conflict. And so again, the question's posed, what causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? Whoa, that's kind of unexpected. In fact, as we go through the next verses three through five, what you will see is that nine times what God says the reason for conflict is you. You, you, you. You and me are the reason that we find ourselves in conflicts. You see, God's word could have said, you know what, it's your circumstances, they are just hard. So the solution to that, get new circumstances, it'll make life easier. Could have said, people are just difficult to get along with. And so they can really push your buttons. Find good friends, find some new friends that don't do that. You could have said, you know what, Satan and the evil spirits, well, they just make you do it. But that's not what he says. Could have said, just like we said in these theories, people are just wired different. You just have to learn how to civilly get along with each other. But again, that's not why he says in conflict. He says, again, you are the reason for the conflicts with you have with others. And when I say that, I'm pointing one finger and three fingers are pointing back at me. So I am with you, that we are the reason for our conflict. And the reason that we are having conflicts is exactly, it's the passions. So what is the Lord mean by passions? Well, the passions are desires. They're desires that we have that are causing us conflict. They're the thing that motivates our living and what we're doing. And so we can look at God's word and we can say, okay, I get this. So there's probably good passions that God's word says to have and there's probably bad passions, bad desires. And yes, it can be that clear at times. There are certain sins of the heart and desires, lust, pride, greed, just to name a few. Those are bad desires. They are. And so good desires, okay, are the holy ones, right? The holy ones are outlined in God's word. But here's the problem. There are good desires to have, and we'll tackle that more in the following week as we unpack God's Word. But so oftentimes, even the good desires of God's Word can turn bad very quickly in our life. Example. How about rest and relaxation? Does God's word prescribe that rest happens in our life? Absolutely. If you don't believe that, well, you're sinning by having eight hours of sleep at night, okay? But no, we need rest, we need relaxation, but here's the thing is that there's rest and relaxation in how I define it, right? So rest and relaxation for me today is to go home, to sit on my couch, to put up my feet, and watch the Chiefs win and beat the Titans today, right? For the next three hours. And so as long as I can have that, right, I'm good. I'm not gonna have fights, I'm not gonna have conflicts. But then my wife, who's also tired, had a long day, her understanding of wrestling, let's sit down, let's talk, let's talk about our day. And so here we go, we have me on the trajectory, right? Just need quiet times, leave me alone, kind of, let me be. And then my wife's on this trajectory of I can't wait to sit down and talk about the day, what I hear, and what do you think happens? Boom, train wreck, right? Was there anything wrong with our desires? Not inherently, right? The thing about it is that oftentimes our desires aren't inherently. evil, but we deceive ourselves because we set our hearts on it, that we must have it. And so we can easily deceive ourselves that we are set on the spirit, but in reality, we have set our hearts on something of fleshly fulfillment. So what happens? Those good desires that can move into selfish passions very quickly. So let me give you some examples. Being successful. Having a godly husband or wife. Singles in the crowd, having a husband or wife. Desiring financial visions or possessions. Having a fair boss. Having respect from other people. Having good, hardworking coworkers. None of those things can necessarily start inherently as evil. But they quickly can become selfish. And so the question that I have for you, as you thought through your conflict, what do you hope for most in the conflict that you are having? Because the godly desire is that you would glorify God, you and this other person, that there would come a good resolution from it, and that you will recognize, hey, I have a part in this, and God wants me to grow through it. But oftentimes what it is, is I want to see this person give me what I want. I want to see this person to see that I am right. I want this person to repent. I want this person to repent so he or she will stop making my life so difficult. And see, these desires, they battle for control over your heart. It says these passions are at war within you. And this term, that war within you, it's an army who's advancing in battle, who's trying to take control and wants to win. You see, these desires, they entrench our hearts so quickly. And what they're doing is they're desiring the control. We are allowing it to have the control in our life. And they're advancing onto the throne of your heart, where Jesus, as your Lord, belongs only. So let's continue that exercise. So remember the conflict that you thought of or wrote down. What desires are showing up in the conflict that you have? So write that down. What desires do you have in the conflict? So as you recognize and as you see that these desires advance on the throne of your heart, then you will begin to see that there is progression and our conflict of others. So the second thing that you need to do is recognize the progression of your conflict. Look what verses two and three says. It says, you desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive because you ask wrongly to spend it on your passions. See, really what these verses are reflecting is how your desires have now become demands. Notice, you desire and do not have. You covet and cannot attain it. This word covet is that you envy after something, you want something so bad that you don't have and you can't get it. See, these things have become demands in our life, and we want them, and we'll go after them, and we'll do anything for them, so we get frustrated, and upset, and depressed, because that's ideal, or possession that we want, we just can't get it. We even see that selfishness then persists with the conflict in your approach to God. Notice, you do not have because you do not ask, and you ask and you do not receive. Wait, what? Guys, read that again, okay? Look at your text, really, it's there. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive. Seems like a conundrum, right? Wait, wait, God, you want me to ask, but when I'm asking, I'm actually not asking right? What, I don't understand. Well, the thing that God's trying to get our attention is we're not asking for the right things. We do ask, oftentimes. We don't ask for what God wants to give us in that situation. In fact, a couple weeks ago, Tim, our Director of Student Ministries, preached on James 1 and James 1 5, what it says, it says, if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gets generously to all without reproach, and he'll be given him. How many times have you gotten in a conflict and say, God, just, hey, this is a hard situation, please give me wisdom. Give me wisdom to navigate and help what's going on. Next week we'll talk about James 3.17, but it says here, but the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceful, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. Are you asking for that in your conflicts? Too often times we're not. We are not looking to glorify God in our situation. We are not looking to serve this person in our situation. And so what happens? We go to God and say, God, Help me get out of this job. My boss is too hard. God, change my spouse. Then we won't have conflict. God, help my children be quiet. See, what happens is we're not asking for the right things. In fact, when it says we ask wrongly, I don't think that's the best translation. The best translation, I think, for that word is that it's actually wickedly. Makes it a little more severe. We ask wickedly to spend it on our own passions. Wickedly is usually intended to bring harm. Instead of asking God to reveal our hearts, we ask God for God and others to meet our desires. We don't care what it does for the other person. We want it to be best for us. And so we spend it on our own passions. The opportunities we get to come before God, to pray before him, to live with others, we use it for ourselves. So what happens? Instead of investing in the conflict for God's glory, you ask things for your glory. Instead of asking for God to do his plan, you ask God to do your plan. Instead of God asking to help you serve the person, you ask God to have this person serve you. See, we're all in the same boat. I'm not here of pride thinking I have this figured out. These passions well up in me just like they well up in you. But we have to recognize it. We have to recognize the progress. So our selfish demands, they turn into some disastrous responses. Look what words are described to describe your responses. You desire and do not have, so you murder. You're like, wait, whoa, whoa, James. I have not gone that far. I am not a serial killer. I'm not being charged. Nope, you're wrong, James. But James isn't speaking to a bunch of serial killers in this passage either. No. See, he's just reflecting on the magnitude of how God sees our sin. See, hate in your heart for another person might not show up like murder, but we love to be the judge and juror of people's hearts, don't we? 1 John 3, 15 says, everyone who hates his brother is a murderer. Did you hear that? Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer. and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him." It's a big accusation. You might say, well, I don't hate the person. That's kind of extreme. But how do you think about people when you are in conflict with them? Because listen to Matthew 5, 21 to 22, where Jesus says, you have heard that was said to those of old, you shall not murder. and whoever murders will be liable to judgment, but I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment. Whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council, and whoever says you fool will be liable to the hell of fire. Whew. And what it shows is that God takes this seriously. God takes, or even what we think, we can hide in our heart the hate, because oftentimes that's what we do, we're a very nice church probably, we can hide that sometimes, but the hate of the heart, God sees, and he classifies that this is murder. Pretty serious accusations. The other accusations, it says in verse three, or sorry, verse two. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. Fight and quarrel, that's another interesting word. The word fight, it ain't mean like verbal fight, and that's not what James uses. No, he's actually talking about the fight that goes on in a battle of war. And so this is not just a, you know, just, hey, we had an argument, we had, you know, a conflict. No, he's saying, you are fighting to the death. It's this serious of a battle. It is brutal. Again, he's not dealing with a bunch of brawlers. James is trying to make people aware how serious their sin is before God by characterizing their responses as murder and fights to the death. So the question is, do you see your response as serious as God sees them? So let me ask you a question. Go back to your exercise. How did you respond in and after the conflict? Let's say you didn't see the response like you thought. Did you think, or how did you, or are currently thinking about that person? Is there anger? Is there hate? Is this person, you see them as just a thorn in your flesh? Then how did you respond? Well, I didn't kill them, I didn't do that. But did you give them the silent treatment? Are you not talking to them right now? Because they don't deserve it, right? Did you yell at them? They pushed and they pushed and they pushed, so I let them have it. Did you manipulate or bully them? That's the only way I can get things done. Because if I manipulate people and bully them into doing what I want them to do, did you gossip about them? Well, you know, I didn't say anything to their face. I'll let everybody else around them know about how evil they are. Did you get bitter? Are you struggling with bitterness? Just hold it on. I'm not going to tell anybody, but man, I'll let them know when I get this long history of how bad they are, then I'll let them know. See, those are all sinful responses. Those are all taken seriously by God. But so many times, we'll just give in to that and think and justify that. But listen to what John MacArthur says. He says, when people surrender to fleshly pleasures, they are under the illusion of expressing personal freedom, not realizing that in actuality, that they're only manifesting that they are slaves of corruption. And thankfully as believers, we are not slaves to that corruption anymore, but we sure at times place ourself back into habits that are only meant for the people who are in sin and who are apart from God. So here's a simple way. So let me help you understand this progression of conflict. This is how conflict typically happens. So the first stage of conflict is that we have desires. And typically what we do, A lot of your desires are probably open-handed. Like if you woke up this morning and you were like, man, I really desire to be in 70 degree weather without humidity, man, that sounds great right now. You walked out the door, you're probably like, oh, okay. Not quite what I expected, the cold, freezing, but it's okay. And so a lot of our desires stay at that level, and that's good. That's where God wants them to be. But what happens is that some of those desires, they entrench the heart, and what they become is they become demands. And we close our hands around and say, we must have it. And what happens when people aren't giving it to you, or God's not giving it to you, what's the next step? We become the judge. We start judging people's motives, we start judging God and His character, and we pound the gavel. You are guilty. And the last stage of conflict is we punish. Fist in the face, right? We punish. We punish our own way, our own creative ways, but that is the progression that we have in conflict, and we must recognize it. Recognize how we fight, because it is evil. In fact, James goes on and says, you adulterous people. Whoa, wait guys, wait, read that again. James 4 says, in verse 4, you adulterous people. What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. We went from talking about conflicts, and now we're into adultery? It seems like a weird snake tail, like, okay, I'm not adulterous. Some of you are married and sitting there like, I don't even have a spouse to commit adultery on. Others are a faithful spouse and you're like, what's adultery have to do with it? But what James is bringing to our attention is that we're actually committing spiritual adultery when we give ourself up to idols. And the idols that we battle aren't the idols that we put on our shelves, bow down and worship. Most of you don't have idols like that in your home. No, these idols are the idols of the heart. We commit spiritual idolatry when our desires have our devotion, our love, and worship that only belongs to God. And so when we look at our conflicts and look at what we're doing, we must understand that we need to reorient our worship. The worship that we've given to these desires, we now need to reorient back to God. See, typical mindset is the person is the problem, now I'm having a conflict and it's hindering my happiness and joy. And the problem is that God is seldom in the equation when we enter into conflicts. If we don't reorient our worship, we begin using tactics that are tactics of the enemy, Satan and the world. In fact, the adultery that he's talking about, again, is that we are giving over. And so what we do is that we actually, what it says next is that, do not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God. Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. And you're like, whoa, James, I know I'm having a conflict right now, but that seems pretty derogatory. What he wants to bring our attention to is, again, hatred toward God is just like adultery. It's adultery with God, or against God, and many of you would never say, no, I don't hate God, right? But it's just a reminder, our desirous thoughts and actions that do not look like Christ are actually desirous thoughts and actions that God hates. Did you get that? Our desires, thoughts, and actions that do not look like Christ are actually desires, thoughts, and action that God hates. Do you look at that seriously? Because oftentimes when we do that, we start falling in the trap of the world. Self-glory, self-fulfillment, self-indulgence, self-satisfaction, self-service. And it actually puts us like we're enemies of God. I mean, God's a very real and terrifying place to be in relationship with God. In fact, all of us have been there. Listen to what Ephesians 2.3 says, among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh. Sounds familiar. Carrying out the desires of the body and the mind. Sounds familiar. And we're by nature children of wrath. Whoa. See, as unbelievers, before we knew Christ, before we go into relationship with Christ, and some of you might have not entered into relationship with Christ, you are an enemy of God. Children, child of his wrath. But thankfully, we have Ephesians 2, four through five. But God being rich in mercy, because of the great love which he loved us, even when we are dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ. See, we move from being children of wrath to children of God through Christ. So what James is reminding us, don't go back to where you were. Stop being like who you once were. You were alive. Live like that. As children of God, often when we get in conflict, we revert back to the enemy tactics. Gossip, slander, yell, we belittle. God set us free from this type of warfare and equipped us to respond in patience, kindness, love, and endurance. If we start using God's tactics, what I love is we will find there's abundant grace. Look what it says in verse six. It says, but he gives more grace. Therefore, it says, God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. And that more, you could say that's a light word. That is not a light word. It says more means great, exceeding, abundant grace. Like you're asking for a drink of water and God brings you just the 50-gallon drum of grace into your life. See, God gives us an overwhelming amount of grace, and that grace includes the ability to forgive, give mercy, have mercy, have forgiveness, sanity, comfort, restoration, power, freedom. That's all within his grace. If we would just rely on it. But notice that he opposes the proud. It's interesting to get a military term, a resistant army, one who's defending their territory, defending their throne. God will resist if you start advancing on his ground. So we can think about these opposing forces is that God's strength is evident in both when he opposes and when he gives grace. In fact, when I was thinking about this week, I thought about a wave of an ocean. And so my family went to the beach last year, and one of the things that my son loved to do was go play in the ocean. And so what he would do is he would go out, and what he loved to do is as the wave came in, what do you do? You jump, and you feel the power hit you. You feel the power of that wave come upon you. But another thing that he enjoyed was getting the boogie board, right? I think they're boogie boards. And he would go out, and what he would do, he would wait for a wave, and then he would get the power of that wave behind him and just propel. He could propel all the way to the beach and enjoy. Well, there's power in those waves. Well, the same thing is true about God. In fact, if you notice that the waves, waves never change direction. They're always coming towards the shore, right? But how you feel that power is two different ways based on your direction. And see, this ain't true in our own. If we go against God's purposes and His plans, He will be against you and you will feel that strength and that power. But the other great thing is if you go with His purposes and plans, that He will propel you with His grace to live for His glory. So is that what you're desiring? To go and have His grace? So go back to that conflict that you were having. How did your desire become the object of worship, love, and devotion? Question to ask yourself. How did it become that way? And how did you fail then to respond to God and this person in this situation. Start evaluating those things. Well, guess what? There's a new step that you have to take, and that's the step of repentance. So last point, repent of your failings in verses seven through 10. See, God's repentance, we'll talk about that, and you're like, oh, repentance of your failings, that sounds terrible. Repentance is a great thing. It's a wonderful thing that we get to experience in this life. And so God's Word, what he doesn't, he doesn't give us just techniques, changes to help with conflicts. No, he gives us new strategies. He doesn't give us new strategies to deal with people. No, God gives us a vertical solution to solve the vertical problem. And the first thing that you see in verse seven, submit yourselves to God. Yield yourself to God. Submit here means to place yourself under. Instead of trying to compete in the lordship in your life, you relent and honor Christ as the Lord in your life. And what you need to do is recognize how the desire became an idol of your heart and give it back to God as a godly desire, an open desire. Here's a prayer, just if you want to write it down. It says, Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for letting my desire become more important than you. and the person I'm in conflict with. Simple prayer, simple step. Again, many of those desires are not necessarily evil, so what do I do? What do we do with these desires that God desires for us and others, but not let it become an evil desire? Well, here's some things. You can continue to desire respect from your coworkers, but When you don't get that respect, you will be resolved to continue to serve them no matter what. You can continue to desire your wife to submit to your leadership as she submits to the Lord at husband's. But if that doesn't happen, you will love and lead her like Christ no matter what. Wives, you can continue to desire for your husband to love and lead like Christ, but if that doesn't happen, you will still commit to submit under his leadership as you submit yourself to God. Words of affirmation, those aren't bad things. Encouragement, that's not a bad thing to receive. But no matter if you do not get that, You'll continue to be devoted to serve and love one another, whether that's your boss, whether that's your friends, doesn't matter who. He goes on to say, resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, he will draw near to you. What we have to understand is why he wants us to resist the devil. The devil is about division. He wants to divide man from God. It's his purpose. So you need to stop having that, heart of division, you need to stop hating and have anger towards your fellow brother or sister in Christ and anybody else. Stop. Also stop fighting with the techniques of the enemy. No more manipulation, resolve. Sometimes that's hard. We've got, we deal with conflicts, we're sinful, we have sinful hearts, sinful habits that are hard to break. And so, but you have to stop. If you really want to be a part of God's grace and have his grace in your life, you've got to resist these things. So no more manipulation, no more yelling or bullying, no more cold shoulders and silent treatment. Stop trying to prove yourself right. That's a big one. Stop. These are not what you've been saved for. Instead, you get the opportunity to give forgiveness freely and godly wisdom to other people. We'll dive more into that next week. The other response is by resisting the devil, you respond by drawing near to God. This is a wonderful thing about our Christian life. We have the opportunity to approach God and seek after him. In fact, in Hebrews 4.16, let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in the time of need. We have that opportunity to draw near. So take the opportunity. See, we have God on our side. He desires to be in relationship with you and walk with you through these trials and hardships. So, I'll go back. If you don't have a relationship with the Lord, if you're saying, I don't know what that's about, well, that's the first step. You have to establish a relationship with the Lord by trusting Jesus Christ as your personal Savior. You have to take that step. That's where the grace is found. As children of God, you have a special relationship with Him. We get to call God the Father. We get to call Him Father. We have Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who's our great sympathizer, as we just saw in Hebrews 4. What a great opportunity. Holy Spirit's our helper, our comforter to respond. The Trinity will be at hand with us, going through these trials with us, but we just have to recognize the magnitude of the opportunity and draw near to Him and His ways to get His help. I draw near to him, he will draw near to us and help us work through the conflicts we have in our life. And we see, cleanse your hands, you sinners. So this is just confessing your sins to the Lord, recognize your behavior, that cleanse doesn't mean go home and wash your hands, that's not what he's talking about. No, what he's talking about is seeking forgiveness for your sinful behavior so you can be cleansed of your spiritual filthiness. Next, purify your hearts, you double-minded. This is important. Our conflicts just aren't based on our behavior solely. No, it has to do with the heart and the desires. We work through that. You have to purify yourself. A double-minded man is someone who is pulled in two opposing directions that are enemies of each other. Your desires, getting your wants, that's enemy, again, towards God. That's against God. You can't do both. Matthew 6, 24, Jesus says, no one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. If you continue to want your desires to be met, you will continue to be focused and devoted on that. Turn, again, turn, purify your hearts. Commit, so purifying your heart means you commit to, or recommit your worship, love, and devotion back to the Lord. Be wretched. and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and to gloom. This is not saying Christian life is a gloomy life. It's not what it's saying. We get to have joy in this life. Wait, he's trying to say, recognize your sin for what it is. Have the same view, and if you do, you will mourn over it. Mourn the fact that the punishment of your sin had to be placed on Christ. Do you mourn that? Do you really take this seriously? Mourn the fact that you neglected the spiritual riches given to you by sinning in the conflict that you're a part. Mourn that you gave worship and love to a desire instead of the living God who deserves it. So that's the path to repentance. But look what verse seven, or verse 10 says. Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you. If you truly have biblical steps of repentance, then you will experience this last thing. Exalting, let's make sure we understand what exalting is, okay? What exalting is not, doesn't mean that you will get your job promotion. If I just do these conflict steps, I'll get my job promotion. No. Exalting, him exalting you doesn't mean that you will get the financial provisions you dreamed of. It doesn't mean that he will give you the respect and love from the people in your life. Doesn't mean any of that. No, he will exalt you means you will live in a harmonious relationship with him. And this harmonious relationship with him will result in peace, joy, comfort, among many other things. And what it will do is that when you find yourself in conflict, you will find the strength, endurance, patience, kindness, and true satisfaction because you're in a relationship with Him. So humble yourself. Humble means that you see yourself as a servant of God and a servant to others. You're concerned with what He wants to, how He wants you to glorify Christ and bless the other person that you are in conflict So come unto the Lord and let him do his work in us so we can minister for him. All right, so let's bow our heads and have a time of reflection. What I hope you saw today is that We didn't start to think through on how to handle conflict at all. We didn't understand how to handle conflict with other persons. And don't worry, we'll get to that. This is a two-part message, so this first part is just reflecting our role, what we need to do. Next week, we'll tackle this topic of just how to walk through conflict. But the thing that you have to understand is exactly what the big idea says in your notes. It says conflicts. is a catalyst that God uses for your progression and spiritual growth. So finding resolution for your relationship or relational conflict has to start here. You have to identify the heart problem fueling the conflict. You have to understand the magnitude of your responses and see how God sees it. You have to get right with God before you start trying to resolve it with other people. So then do business with God. Reorient your worship to him and submit and come under him. See again, there's two different people in our audience today. There's the one who doesn't have a relationship with Christ. What God has done is he's orchestrated your conflict Bring your attention to the fact that you are in conflict with him and that you stand as an enemy of him. So what you need to do is take that step of humbling yourself, coming under him as your Savior and Lord. If you do that, you will find that Christ has paid the penalty for your sin, and you can trust it and believe it and walk in relationship with him. The other people in this crowd have a relationship with Christ, and God has orchestrated conflict so that you can be a vessel of his grace and love into others' lives. Is that how people characterize your response? Would they say you're exemplifying Christ in righteousness? Because we can, we can exemplify Christ and people will still be angry with us because they're ultimately angry at God, that's possible. However, any area we have not exemplified Christ in our conflict, then we need to repent to God and ask for forgiveness. And again, in that, there's abundant grace. In the humbling coming under him and his plan, there's abundant grace. So take the opportunity and recommit to it. Commit to worship Him and serve Him.