Well, let's take our Bibles and turn again in the New Testament this evening to Ephesians chapter 5. Ephesians chapter 5 was the text that we examined this morning and we'll continue to do so this evening as we back up to verse 22 and look in particular in this final section of Ephesians 5 at Paul's address to wives. beat up on the husbands this morning a little bit, and tonight it's the ladies' turn. We are looking at this subject and this particular series on marriage with the interest not so much in just learning how we might have a better marriage in our own human relationships, but how we might better understand through the analogy of marriage that God has given us, that marriage that we were made for, that marriage of the church as the bride of Christ to the bridegroom, her savior and king. And so that is our particular interest and the point about which we inquire before we read God's word this evening. Let's bow and ask his blessing upon it. Our God and Father, we take up your word again this evening and pray that your spirit would convince our hearts anew that it is indeed your word written before us and that we would give the most careful and reverent attention to it. We know, O Lord, that the matters that we have been speaking about this morning and this evening are quite contrary to the current social context in which we live. And yet we trust, O Lord, your transcendent truth, a truth that far excels any time or place or nation. And we pray, O God, that we would be submissive ourselves unto it, and that you would teach us this evening. In Jesus' name, amen. We're going to begin reading in verse 22 of Ephesians chapter 5. I'm going to read verses 22 to 24, and then I'm going to skip down to verse 30 and read the rest of the chapter. Ephesians 5, verses 22 to 24, and then verses 30 to the end of the chapter. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Verse 30, because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. The grass withers, the flower fades, the word of our God will stand forever. And it will indeed stand forever, but this text is one that is certainly scorned, scoffed at, and often rejected in our Western American society today. The biblical doctrine concerning gender identity and gender distinct roles are under heavy assault in our nation today. And really, the matters that we're inquiring into this evening, we have moved far beyond in terms of the public debate It was not long ago, only three and a half years, that we were discussing the Supreme Court's decision to legalize same-sex marriage. The reality is that gender issues with regard to roles in marriage or things of that nature are not being debated anymore because debate implies reasoned argument and civil discourse, and there is neither reasoned argument nor civil discourse on these matters anymore. Instead, what we actually see in the world around us today is that a new view of gender is simply being asserted and the corresponding policies implemented. You're not being asked for your opinion about these things. We're not having a conversation. You are simply being instructed to comply. And in that sort of social context, it may seem rather silly and certainly outdated to discuss gender roles in marriage. But that's exactly why we need to do it. Because theology has consequences. What we believe determines how we see the world and how we will live in it. Now, that does not mean that every feminist believes in normalizing some of the confusion and chaos that we see today, especially with regard to things like gender dysphoria. But to deny that third wave feminism prepared the way for our current inability to distinguish girls and boys is nothing but ideological self-delusion. Women ought to be cherished, protected, respected, and honored in society. And wherever and whenever they are not, it ought to be godly men that rise up to support and defend them. But third wave feminism came in and irrationally asserted that no distinctions can be made between men and women at all. And when that ethic is accepted, you have denied something fundamental to God's creative work and order. The point is that gender roles in marriage, while they are not the gospel and they are not the most important issue in the Christian life, are important because they contribute in many respects to either the stability of, or in our case, the breakdown of human society. Theology has consequences. If you want to push back against the chaos in the world, you do not begin by becoming politically awake and aware. You begin by humbling yourself before God and learning what His will is for your life. We have to seek repentance and renewal in our own hearts and homes first, because the world around us is going to be whatever it will be. And although I would not recommend disengagement from that, and we certainly should not be fatalists with regard to these things, we do need to recognize that our strategic and tactical priorities are not out there, but in here, in the church. In our homes, and it is to our shame that compromises in the visible church today have given impetus and credibility to so many of the critiques and ultimately shrill rejections of biblical teaching that has led us to our current state of moral breakdown. If you will not allow the Lord to tell you what your role is in marriage and how you ought to conduct yourself inside your own home, then what's the point of pretending to submit to him in any other area of your life? That is something I would ask equally of wives and husbands. If you are not willing to submit to what the Lord says in this regard, what is the point of pretending like you are submitting to him at all? And I want you to hear me very carefully here. I am not saying that if you struggle with submitting to these commands, that you might as well give up on being a professing Christian. The reality is we are all called to submission in the very passage that we're looking at tonight, Ephesians 5 and verse 21. We are to submit to one another in the fear of God. And every one of us struggles with that because our sinful nature causes us to desire to be little gods. I am not encouraging you to give up on anything except hypocrisy. But I do believe that this question of our marriages is one of those areas where our hypocrisy, sometimes undiagnosed, sometimes undetected even by ourselves, is often exposed. As an example, let me use myself. It's easy for me to pretend to be holy. I'm a pastor, a teacher, a counselor, a man of prayer. I spend most of my time on most days of the week ministering to God's people in one way or another. But if I disregard the sermon that I preached this morning and the substance of God's command that we studied at that time, if I am not trying to love my wife as Christ loved the church, if I am not pursuing repentance and obedience in that area every day, then I should not deceive myself about how holy and obedient I am. It isn't obedience when we only do what we want to do or what is convenient for us. That's the point. And shame on us that there are so many professing Christians in the visible church today who lament loudly and longingly many of the immoralities and digressions in the society all around us, but show so little concern for obedience in our own marriages, in our own families, in our own homes. and in our own lives. Tonight, we're looking particularly at what Paul says to wives, though we'll have quite a few things to say to the husbands along the way. Ladies, I would say this at the outset of our study, if you want to be obedient to God, here is a place to test that commitment because it won't be easy. Your husband is not Jesus. You knew that already. He's far from it. He is a broken man who will fail you in many ways on a regular basis. He is a sinner who needs Jesus. But the Lord is calling you to honor and submit to him. How committed are you to obeying the word of the Lord? This is not an easy command for many of you. What does it mean to submit to my husband as the church submits to Christ? What would that look like? That's our question tonight. I don't want to belabor the points that I made this morning, but I do want to return to one of them for just a moment. And that is that this passage is about responsibilities, not rights. And as I cautioned the ladies this morning, so I'll caution the brothers this evening. If you go home, brothers, and say to your wife, I hope you paid attention and that you begin working harder on your submission, then she will know at that point that you were a fool. She'll know that because you missed the point and you only heard what you wanted to hear. These verses don't tell you what she is supposed to do. They tell her what she is supposed to do. Paul does not instruct the husbands to see to it that their wives submit to them. That's not your job. It is the Holy Spirit's job. The Lord will work in and on her heart. And that does not mean that you cannot and should not speak truth to her. Of course, you should. But you are to lead her the way that Jesus leads by word, example and service. You are not to lord this authority over her because she is God's daughter. She is Christ's servant. She is a temple of the Holy Spirit. And if you misuse her or abuse your position in relation to her, you will answer to the God to whom she belongs. She doesn't belong to you. She belongs to him. Sisters, this passage is not about your husband. Some of you have wonderful, gentle, godly husbands whom it is easy to submit to and respect, and some of you do not. You may have a husband who is personally unworthy of respect, and I'm sorry for that if that is the case. But God calls you to faithfulness in that relationship, and he has evidently in his kind providence ordained it for the greater good of his glory and your sanctification. Your responsibility in marriage, ladies, is fundamentally about your relationship with Christ. How you relate to your husband is a reflection of your love for and commitment to your Savior. And that does not mean that your husband's behavior is irrelevant. Obviously, there are cases of immorality and abuse that we'll mention later tonight, where specific measures must be taken in responding to a husband's sin. But what I would say to you tonight is that even there, you are to act covenantally. You're to respond covenantally by upholding the terms of the covenant that God has established with its warnings and curses. The point is that your responsibility to serve Christ with covenant loyalty and obedience does not depend on your husband's attitude and actions. Your duty is objectively determined by the covenant relationship. It is not subjectively decided based on changing affections or enjoyment or circumstances. So let's look a little bit at the command that the Lord gives through His servant, Paul. You'll notice, as we mentioned a moment ago, that in chapter 5 and verse 21, all believers, men and women, husbands and wives, are called to submit to one another in the fear of Christ. And what we have following from that, beginning at chapter 5 and verse 22 and going down through verse 9 of chapter 6, is what we call a table of relationships. Wives, husbands, children, fathers, slaves, masters. And in this table of relationships, we see how this submission to one another is rightly ordered in human society. A wife must be subject to her own husband. That's part of what it means to submit to one another. Specifically, ladies, if you are married, you submit to your husband in these ways, as the church submits to her bridegroom. Now, the word here is addressed to wives. Even though in the Greek language of the New Testament, the word, the same word could be translated women or wives. In the context, it's very clear that wives are under consideration. This is not a command to all women as women. This is not about the general subordination of women in human society. It is not about the role of women in the church. This passage is not addressing any of those questions. This is a command for wives with respect to their own husbands. The text clarifies that it is not a command regarding men in general or other husbands in the congregation. You are to submit in the Lord to your own husband. He has a unique position of authority to lead and care for you, and you are to respect and honor him in that position. The command is further qualified by instruction concerning its manner of execution. Paul says, even as to the Lord, this relative adverb indicates how submission is to be practiced. It is even as or just as you would submit to Christ. The husband in a biblical marriage stands in the place of Christ in your marriage, not because he is perfect, not because he is always right, not because he is your ultimate authority. He isn't any of those things, but because he is a representative of the Lord Jesus. And you are to show respect for that decision by your Lord to say, this man that I am married to has been appointed by Christ to this role, to this position of responsibility. And I am to look to him for leadership. I am to defer to him as the leader of our family in the authority that he exercises over our home because he is Christ's representative here. Now, what about this word submission? It's a verb. It's a command that a lot of people are uncomfortable with. It's in an imperative form in the text, which means it is a command. It's not a suggestion or a description. It's the revealed will of God. Submission does not mean blind obedience or allowing oneself to be dominated. But it does mean deferring to the husband's authority and leadership. And this is why, as an aside, Peter refers to wives as weaker vessels who ought to be cared for by their husbands as they seek to lead with understanding. 1 Peter 3, verse 7. Husbands, dwell with your wives in an understanding way, as the weaker vessel. What is that about? Well, that question gets gets fumbled all the time by preachers and exegetes of various kinds. Peter is referring to the fact that women are in a position of vulnerability. He is not making a comment about their bodily strength or any physical or mental difference between men and women. He's talking about the wife's position of submission because he has just addressed in the first six verses of that chapter that very issue. What are you to do, ladies, if you are married to an unbeliever? You are in an especially difficult and vulnerable role because here you're trying to respect a man who does not himself even respect Christ. How do you do that? Brothers, if you are a believer, you are to recognize how precious is this trust. that has been given to you by Christ. He has given you this woman, the daughter of the king, the servant of our Lord, the temple of the Holy Spirit. And you are to treat her as precious and valuable. You are to treat her as vulnerable. because you are exercising authority in that home. A woman may imagine it's dangerous to submit to my husband because that power may go to his head and he may make foolish decisions. And that's exactly right. That does sometimes happen. It's shameful when it does. This is the vulnerability that we find ourselves in because of submitting to a man, to a sinner. The husband's position of headship is a sacred trust that ought never to be abused. But ladies, your submission to him is a voluntary acceptance of that vulnerability. And if he is wise, he will respect and appreciate it. A wise husband will be humbled by his wife's trust. But your trust, ladies, is to be ultimately in Christ, not in your husband. Sisters, you are to rely on Jesus and trust that he will guide you and that he will keep you despite your husband's weakness and foolishness. This is a great challenge for many women, not all. But to say if he's making decisions that I don't respect, that I think are unwise, it's just driving me to a point of anxiety and fear and frustration and anger. And I must do something about it. It's not as though you have no recourse, sisters. But there needs to be trust in the Lord Jesus that says, if this is not sinful, if this is not utterly destructive to our family, if this is something that he has taken upon himself with the authority that God has invested in him, he is going to exercise it in this fashion. I need to love him. I need to support him. I need to let him lead and trust that not his wisdom, but God's grace, God's grace is going to bring us safely through this. Submission does not mean you cannot ask questions or share your point of view. It does not mean you cannot seek to persuade and dissuade your husband about what he ought to do. It does not mean you cannot disagree with your husband, even though you should do so respectfully and graciously in the same way that he ought to act toward you. But submission does mean that certain decisions for the family are going to rest with him. that at the end of the day, when questions have been asked, when conversation has been completed, a decision has to be made and he has the responsibility to chart a course for your family and to lead the way both by word and example. Your submission, sisters, is to be a godly submission. And so that means you cannot defer to him when it comes to sin. His authority cannot contravene the authority of Christ. We must obey God rather than man. I've read supposedly Christian books. on marriage and on a wife's responsibility in marriage that have counseled just the opposite to say, well, the husband is your head. You are to submit to him. And so if he tells you not to attend a church, you should not attend a church. If he tells you to do something that is in defiance with God's law, you are to obey Christ by obeying him. Obey Christ by obeying him as you disobey Christ. That makes no sense. The apostles say we ought to obey God rather than men. The husband's authority is not ultimate. It is not infallible. But let me say this very clearly, sisters, the choice between those two authorities should be rare, especially when one's husband is a believer. Not every decision you disagree with is a matter of sin. Sometimes it may seem so. You may be so enamored with the wisdom of your own point of view as he presumptuously is also that both of you believe that to do otherwise, to concede in any way would be to capitulate in a matter of conscience. Sisters, he may make all kinds of unwise decisions that are not sinful. And where your deference and respect And submission does not implicate you in sin in any way. It does not do any damage to your family. You trust in a God who promises he will work all things together for the good of those who love him, even your husband's unwise decisions. And he is more likely to see the unwise decisions that he's made as you in a godly way seek to love and support him. as opposed to if you nag him about that, making his life miserable and making him quite unwilling to acknowledge his error. You're not allowed to claim the liberty of religious disobedience simply because you disagree with your husband. Even when he is wrong, even if his leadership may not be wise, you are to respect, support and defer to him insofar as you are able in obedience to Christ. That's just a principle for the Christian life. That's not just about wives. Don't we say the same thing all the time about our government? Our government requires all kinds of things today of us that I think are unwise, that are unconstitutional, that is an overreach in so many ways. And yet, if their command does not cause me to disobey the Lord, what am I to do? Obey, submit, respect the governing authorities. Why? Because God has put them in that position. And they will ultimately answer to God for how they exercise that authority. Now, why is this submission commanded of wives in the text? It is because marriage is typological. It points to a greater reality and relationship of the covenantal love and communion between Christ and the church. A wife is not commanded to submit to her husband because he is personally, morally or spiritually superior in any way. Do you hear me saying this, brothers? This is important for you to know. The only reason that God has ordained that your wife is to submit to you is because that typologically points both of you to Jesus. All of the other rationalizations, and there are many and they are frequently offered even in a Christian context, all of the other rationalizations for this order of relationship tend to lead toward authoritarianism and some form of abuse and mistreatment. The reason that your wife is to submit to you is because it helps both of you look to Jesus more clearly. In marriage, God ordained that the husband would represent Christ and that the wife would represent his body, the church. That is the reason that the Bible gives for why wives should submit to their husbands. And that is a sufficient reason. It doesn't matter if you don't like that reason. It doesn't matter if you disagree with it. It's enough to know that's the reason that God gives. And if you reject either the command or the reason for it, the problem is not your husband or the will of God. The problem is in your heart. If you say that just doesn't make sense to me, I can't accept that. I can't abide by that. You have a problem in terms of your attitude toward God. That's not a you and your husband issue. That's you and your Lord Jesus. That's the problem. Do you understand, brothers and sisters, marriage is typological. Marriage goes away in the new heavens and the earth. It does not persist into the eschaton. In the eschaton, we only know the marriage that were made for the marriage to Christ. And that's why when you try to found submission in marriage on some other basis than what the Bible simply says, you will go astray. Unfortunately, one of the councils designed to promote biblical teaching on this very question in 2014 published an extensive essay anonymously arguing that in the new heavens and earth, in glory and the age to come, wives will continue to submit to their husbands. I don't know how that works, but it's not what the Bible teaches. We should not seek other explanations for the position for the husband's position of headship that inevitably becomes an exercise in worldly wisdom that does not rightly uphold the wisdom of God. It is not godly to imagine, brothers, that you hold this position of responsibility for some reason of personal superiority. You are not smarter, you are not stronger, you are not more honest, you are not wiser. Actually, you may be all of those things. And it is irrelevant, even if that is true. I know couples where the husband is all of those things, and it's very clear to see here is a man who has leadership potential. I know other couples where it is just the opposite. And you say the wisdom, the strength, the good sense all seems to reside in the wife. And it doesn't change the order that God has ordained. Ladies, I want you to notice in verse 24, the clarification of this analogy that Paul gives us. Is it enough merely to acknowledge the analogy and then to order your marriage in some other way? Some people teach that today to say, well, as long as you understand kind of the gospel centered and typological structure that Paul's talking about, then you can simply say, but that's not how our marriage is going to work. This worked then in an ancient society, but it's not going to work in a modern American society. It's enough to know that the analogy was there, but we can decide some other way to order our household. No. Just as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to be subject to their husbands, Paul says, in everything. That may not be as absolute a duty as it first appears to some of you, even though some have mistakenly taken it that way. If your husband acts against the covenant, for instance, by sexual infidelity or physical violence, this command does not require you to merely accept it and respect it. If your husband leads you into sin against God, you are not to follow him. But these circumstances are relatively rare, and they do not alter your ordinary responsibility. You are to submit to your husband just as the church submits to Christ, and that is in everything. Now, the remainder of the notes that are before you, and there are some additional things that we've skipped over in the first part, I want to remind you what I said this morning. We have more material in the sermon notes for the morning and the evening than we will even attempt to cover The remainder of the material for this evening addresses what I believe are some reasonable and some less reasonable questions that are often raised about this, questions that I hear frequently as a pastor and when counseling couples with marriage problems. You know what I mean. I want to just address some of those briefly while at the same time pointing you to some of the written material that has already been distributed. Somebody asks, what if my husband is sexually unfaithful to me? Well, the scriptures are very explicit about the right of a person to divorce a spouse who is sexually unfaithful. It is a right, not a responsibility. What that means is the instance of sexual immorality in a marriage does not necessarily require the wife or the husband who has been wronged in that relationship to put away their spouse. They have the right to do so biblically and covenantally. Why? Because that particular sin is a sin directly against the covenant. This is why we said earlier, even when such a sin is committed, the wife or the husband is to behave covenantally. And when a wife whose husband strays and commits adultery, or when a husband whose wife strays and commits adultery puts that spouse away, they are still acting covenantally. But it's only a right. It's not a commandment from God. And so the spouse who has been wronged may choose to forgive and reconcile with the adulterer. No one is commanded to divorce in such cases, but especially in the case of unrepentant adultery, the spouse who is innocent of adultery may put away the offender. And it is an appropriate covenantal response. It is essentially what the adulterous spouse has done in acting against the covenant. But sometimes people will say, well, that seems pretty simple and straightforward in the New Testament. Jesus addresses this. Paul addresses this. But actual adultery is not the only way a spouse may be sexually unfaithful. And that's certainly true. Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount said that to look at a woman with lustful intent is the same as committing adultery, even if it is only in the heart. And that has led some people to ask whether they can divorce their spouse for looking leeringly at another person or perhaps for falling into and using adultery. Adultery. Oh, I'm tired. It's Sunday night. Pornography. Would that be a biblical justification for divorce? Let me say, I do believe that persistent, unrepentant use of pornography can rise to a level that would allow for divorce. Pornography poisons men's minds, it warps their hearts, and it has significantly damaged or destroyed many marriages. The persistent and unrepentant use of it, moreover, leads to many other sins. A man who continues to view pornography without repentance is never going to be faithful to his wife in every other way. And I would just challenge you to prove that statement wrong. I've never seen it and I've counseled men with that problem for a couple of decades now. That being said, does a lustful look automatically justify divorce? I hope we would say no. I hope we would recognize that that would be a misreading of what Jesus is saying in the Sermon on the Mount. He is not providing legal definitions to allow for civil action. He is teaching us about the heart. Brothers, when you look at a woman with lust for her, you are committing adultery against your spouse. And you need to confess that to the Lord and repent of it. You don't need to downplay it. You don't need to imagine that it's less serious, less significant than it is. This goes back to what we were talking about this morning in terms of sanctifying our spouse by setting her apart in our minds and in our affections. You lay the groundwork for looking with lust, and that is a road that leads to death and destruction. And you will not only destroy your heart and your home, but many others will suffer in the process as well. Sisters, you need to know that your husband struggles with purity of eyes and heart. If he is a man, he does. And you need to encourage and support him in that struggle. But those who are looking for loopholes and legal ways to terminate their marriage are missing the point. When there is a need and justification to put away a cheating spouse, it will be evidence. But in many cases, it is in marriage that those who struggle and fall find the grace to repent and persevere. And if that can be done and can be encouraged, praise God, we should certainly hope and pray that that would often be the case. What about if a man is physically abusive? A woman says, I know that the Bible says wives are to submit to their husbands, but what if he is physically harming me or the children? Well, physical abuse is a grievous sin, and even though it can be repented of and forgiven by the blood of Jesus Christ, if it is continued in without repentance, the abuser will be eternally under the wrath of the holy God who defends the helpless and victims of violence. The Bible is very clear on this point. The prophets denounce Israel as much for this almost as anything else, to say you did not come to the aid of the victim. You did not pursue justice when the innocent were being trampled. Some have mistakenly believed that since a wife must submit to her husband, and since abuse is not explicitly cited by Christ or Paul as a reason for divorce, that divorce in such cases would never be permitted. Some have even gone further by denying the lawfulness of appealing to law enforcement for protection and assistance in such cases based on a misreading of 1 Corinthians 6, 1-8. And I want to bring this up in the sermon tonight, because I want to be very clearly on record about this point. This is a misunderstanding of biblical law that is often found in conservative Christian circles. And to object to this, to critique this, to correct this, is not to capitulate to the spirit of the age. It is actually to believe and submit to biblical standards of law and justice. Let me see if I can convince you of that. A woman or her children who are being physically harmed or who are in danger of being harmed must be protected by those who love God and the justice which His holiness demands. That does not mean that divorce ought to be immediately recommended. The first concern must be for the safety of the victims and for the salvation of the offender's soul. He is in jeopardy. And he needs to be told that and shown that clearly and called to repentance. The Lord ordained civil magistrates for punishing evildoers and to protect and defend the oppressed. That is why he gave us governments. I realize that our government seemed to do everything today except that. But that's why God gave us government. And if God gave us government for that reason, how is it possibly unbiblical to appeal to those governing authorities to do the very thing that God has mandated that they would do? It is appropriate and necessary to inform law enforcement as the church comes alongside both parties, both parties, because we ought to be concerned for the offender's soul as well as for those who have been harmed. Christ's name and the reputation of the church has been blasphemed and damaged because of many churches' failures to biblically and adequately confront and respond to domestic violence. And here is the unfortunate side effect of that. Many social progressives denounce conservative churches today as enabling abuse, with the assumption, either implicitly or sometimes explicitly stated, that the Bible's teaching on gender roles in marriage, that a conservative view on the home and family, or that elder-led churches are themselves the problem. You do not have to look far to hear this criticism, to say, here it is again, abuse happening in a conservative Christian circle, and that's because wives are being told that they ought to submit to their husbands. Here it is again, abuse happening in a conservative Christian church and being covered up by the church's leadership, and that's happening because these people believe that elders ought to lead and rule in churches. Brothers and sisters, that is not the problem, and we know it. And ungodly people don't need any more reasons to object to the truth of Scripture. But those kind of criticisms and slanderous statements have been enabled and furthered by the failure of conservative churches to handle these cases biblically in so many ways. Brethren, these issues are not the problems leading to abuse. They are the solution to abuse. If men of God would actually act like strong, godly men, abuse would be handled very differently. If churches would be shepherded by faithful shepherds who know that they have a rod and a staff for a reason, then these situations would be handled very differently than they often are. We overthrow the wickedness and violence of abusive men and women by means of the proper application of scripture in our lives and our churches. That is the solution, brothers and sisters. That is what we ought to do. It is important for these cases to be adjudicated. by the authority and counsel of the church's elders, not instead of civil authorities, but in addition to because abusers need to be called to repentance and the elders need to walk alongside them to make sure that the repentance that may be professed is actually genuine and bears the true fruit of change. It's more than I want to say there, but time will permit it right now. What if my husband is emotionally or verbally abusive? Over the last 10 years, I've heard this more than I ever did before. And what I would say to a wife who asked this question is if your husband is emotionally or verbally abusive, he's a cab and he ought to be rebuked and corrected. You ought to seek counsel from the elders and you ought to ask for their help in calling your husband to repentance. But is that a justification for divorce? And the answer is no. And that's not because it's not a terrible sin, but it's simply a question of what do the scriptures say? Now, I realize that in our current social context, many women have the assumption that that they should never have to endure anything that is unpleasant or makes them unhappy. And therefore, if circumstances in my in my home, in my family, in my marriage don't make me happy, then I should look to change those that situation. And we see that happening with husbands who have decided they don't love their wife that has stood beside them and born their children. Right. They want to find someone else. And we see that with wives who say he's just not sensitive. He doesn't care for me. He is unkind to me. He is emotionally abusive to me. Abuse is a slippery word. We need to be careful how we use it, because when it's used, We need to be very quick to bring judgment, appropriate biblical judgment on that sin, because it's a serious one. But because it's so serious, we should be careful about how we apply it and when we apply it more broadly. All Christians are called to practice long suffering. We are called to endure trials. God never promised that things were going to be easy. He never promised that we were going to be happy in this life. He promised that he would work all things together in this life for the greater good of his people. What if my husband is inconsiderate or unloving? Then he is a sinner who needs Jesus just like you do. That doesn't justify that attitude or his behavior, but it does place it in its context. Jonathan Edwards, in his resolutions, resolved that every encounter with another person's sin would be a reminder to him of his own. And I would counsel you when you are dealing with a lack of consideration in your marriage or something you perceive to be unloving to apply that same principle, whether you are the husband or the wife. Every time you feel that your spouse disappoints you or lets you down in some way, let it be a reminder of how often you have failed them as well and how much you need the grace of God. An inconsiderate husband may be God's instrument for sanctifying you further and teaching you to trust in the Lord, teaching you patience and awaiting his promises. You need to pray for your husband in these cases that the Lord would have mercy on him and grant him repentance and growth and grace. You need to treat him the way you wish you were treated so that your kindness and unselfishness and attentiveness might be a catalyst for change in him. What if there is no end to what if? You understand, human beings have an extraordinary ability to rationalize sinful desires and disobedience. And I want you to understand this very clearly, if you seek a reason to reject God's command to submit to your husband, you will definitely find it. There are legitimate questions to raise about how to apply this command in particular circumstances, but if you continually what if the command, it may indicate a heart that is not in submission to Christ. And I want to I want to say that gently. I want to say that carefully, but I want to say it very clearly. It may indicate a heart that's not in submission to Christ. And is that a principle only for wives who struggle with submission to their husbands? No, it's a principle that every believer must bear in mind whenever we come up against the command of the Lord and we're continually saying, but but what do you but what about? Well, Lord, could we talk about this further? At some point, we need to stop talking and we simply need to get busy obeying. The wife's responsibility in marriage must be understood in its biblical, covenantal, and typological context. Her position and posture make no sense apart from the gospel. Now I want you to see that. The same rule, the same standard applies in the marriages of unbelievers, but it is only a witness against their unbelief and disobedience. Marriage is a relational witness to the gospel of Christ, and our participation in it requires acknowledging this truth in every aspect.