You can turn to Ephesians chapter 5. God willing, this will be the last time we're in Ephesians this year. I hope for the next three weeks, of course, depending on Christina, I'm not going early with baby number five. Two, be preaching three weeks out of Isaiah 53, as we prepare ourselves to celebrate the glorious incarnation of our God and Savior Jesus Christ, and of course, I would encourage you to invite your friends and your family members. They're going to be explicitly gospel-centered messages. Of course, the gospel should be in every message, but I've intentionally wanted to look for three consecutive weeks at Isaiah 53, as we begin to mine the depths of God's infinite love and grace shown us in Jesus Christ. And I would encourage you to pray, that God would send His Spirit and convert the lost. And I am intentionally doing it at Christmas time because people are often more receptive to invitations to come to church. I'm not saying they become lefty prey, but I am saying that in common grace often they will accompany friends and family to church. So don't be afraid to ask them. Be wise as serpents and gentle as doves. Ephesians 5, we're going to complete as it were our trilogy for advice to men, how we are to live as husbands within the houses that God has given us. If you will recall the last two weeks, the first is that we would love sacrificially. Last week we saw we are to live sanctifyingly. And yes, you guessed it, the third one begins with an S. We are to love sensibly. We are to love our wives sensibly. But before we do, Let's pray. Father, we pray for the sake of Jesus Christ, your beloved Son, who brings you great delight, and whom you are well pleased. We plead his merits this morning that for his sake, Father, you would be pleased to bless his bride. That we, as your people, Father, who have been adopted as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of your will, we pray that we would have our eyes opened to see and to savour, to enjoy, to worship, to believe, to feast, to drink, to love, to worship, to honour, to revere, to bless the Lord Jesus Christ this morning. Father, help us as husbands, especially to be attentive. Lord, we see that in your infinite wisdom you have given structure to the world, and it's not as chaotic as we would have it be, but you have given structure and order stability through these means. And Father, we pray for our families, and we pray especially for those who are heads, who are leaders, for that we would drink deeply of Christ, and we would seek to imitate Him as beloved children, and to walk in love, even as Christ loved us, and gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Come Holy Spirit, would it not honour the Son this morning, for You to regenerate, A sinner dead in their trespasses and sins on a sermon about husbands loving their wives as Christ did the Church. Father, would you send the Holy Spirit to open blind eyes, to unstop deaf ears, and to grant new hearts. We pray, Father, would you help us this morning by the power of the Spirit to look upon the Lord Jesus Christ and to live. We ask this in His name. Amen. Happy wife, happy life. Those were words of wisdom given to me by my father-in-law, at least according to my memory. And I asked Christina, I said, is this an apocalyptic recollection? Am I making this up? But for some reason, I have it in my mind that her father, who was a man of very few words, and he's very different than me, which It makes me wonder why Christina would have ever chosen me, because I'm so different than her dad. He's a very quiet, thoughtful man. He gave me these four words around the time that I was to marry his daughter, Brian. Happy wife, happy life. And I think it was more than words of advice. I thought it was a veiled threat, because he was entrusting, as it were, his firstborn daughter into the hands of another. He said it with a smile and a firm handshake. And I think those four words absolutely describe what Paul is trying to communicate to us in our passage this morning. As we are to love our wives, not merely sacrificially and sanctifyingly, but also sensitively. It makes sense, husbands, to love your wives as you love yourself. And we will see why. So let me read the text, beginning in verse 25. Rolling down to verse 30, Ephesians 5. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water of the Word, so that she might be, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy. and blameless. Our text today, beginning in verse 28, in the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. So the main overarching theme I want you to lead with, husbands, but of course all Christians, is to have a sensible love. Love that is in our own best interest. And to help me clarify the journey this morning, I'm going to give us four headings. An obligation, an observation, an illustration, and an application. So let's look at the first. An obligation. Verse 28, in the same way husbands should love their own wives as their own bodies. Literally, you could translate that, husbands, you are obligated and bound to love your own wives. That's what the Greek word really means. Should, because he translates it, should, is not strong enough. I like some of the other translations that say ought, because that's what the Greek verb means. It means to owe. to be indebted, to be obligated, to be bound by oath. So it's not just an encouragement. Husbands, if you can. Husbands, you are an obligation. You owe it to somebody to love your wife. And we're going to see who that somebody is. In Romans, Paul says in chapter 1, I am indebted to preach the gospel to the Jews and Greeks, obligation, necessities lay upon me. He said the same thing in 1 Corinthians 9, Romans 15. You can turn there and see how this word is used generally for all Christians. Romans 13, verse 8. Fo no one, that's the same Greek verb, fo no one, anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. So Paul is speaking generally to all Christians in Romans 13. You are indebted to love one another. You owe it to others to love them. Of course, we're going to look at what this love looks like. But every person, every Christian especially, is indebted to love others. It's more significant than themselves. But in Ephesians 5, Paul takes that general admonition of Romans 13 and he makes it specific. as head, as leader, as serving leader. You owe it. This is what it means to be the leader. More responsibility is given to you, husband. This is one of the things, this is what it means to be a husband. This is one of your duties. You cast shirk and you owe it to your wife to love her sacrificially and sanctifyingly. And you owe it to love her ostensibly. The NIV translates Romans 13 this way, I like this. Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his neighbor fulfills the law. It's a continuing debt. So don't think you can take your wife out for supper, or do the dishes once, or just spend some time with her and think, okay, I'm good for this month. You know, and you're balancing the bus. No, it's an ongoing debt. Actually, it's an increasing debt. It's not a negative debt, but in a sense, you owe it to your wife to love her. The debt that you should have continuously is a debt to love your wife. Not surprisingly, as we've seen in Ephesians 5, all of these verbs are in the present tense. which basically means this is an ongoing, continuous, habitual action. It's not a one and done. We've seen this the last... to Sundays, we should not be surprised that this morning Paul is using this ongoing nuance that you are to continually love your wife in a sensible way. Not just on Sunday when people are watching, I'll love my wife sensibly. No, you owe it to her continuously. Just as much Sunday morning as it is tonight and tomorrow. Just as much when she angers you or when she makes a mistake, you still owe it to her to love her. Why? Why, you should be asking, are husbands obligated? It might not seem fair, but as a stronger vessel of 1 Peter 3, this is one of the conditions that God attaches to the male leader in marriage. Why, husbands, are you to love your wife this way? Because it's part of your covenantal responsibility. I get this from the use of the word in Matthew 23. I'm not playing gymnastics with it. Turn to Matthew 23 quickly. I could quote it, but I want you to familiarize yourselves with the text. It's good to feel the pages turn. It's okay to swipe, but I love the feeling that a Bible page being turned. It sounded so nice, especially for a pastor when he hears this orchestra of Bibles turning to a passage. If you haven't found it, just keep looking, it will make me happy. Woe to you blind guys, that Jesus is chastising and rebuking the religious authorities of the time, the Pharisees, the scribes, the teachers of religious law, those who should have known. Woe to you blind guys who say, if anyone swears, there's that Greek word, if anyone swears by the temple, it is nothing. But if anyone swears by the cool of the temple, he is bound by his oath. Two verses later, verse 18. And you say, if anyone swears by the altar, he's nothing. But if anyone swears by the gift that is on the altar, he is bound by his oath. This is part of your oath at the marriage table, husbands. You might not have verbally said these things, but as you read the Bible, as we're going to see, this is part of what it means to be a husband. You are on your oath, as it were. in the sight of God to love your wife. It's not a trifling matter. You don't get a choice in the matter. You are bound by oath in the sight of God to love your wife. Sacrificially, sanctifyingly, and sensibly. Paul might be using this word in light of the other passages to convey the idea of a marriage vow. I thought that was interesting. Though marriage vows mean almost nothing to us in our present day, they mean a lot to God. Because marriage vows are a picture of Christ's covenantal love and commitment and obligation to his bride. I read a book called Reforming Marriage by Douglas Wilson. Very good. He says, man, you're a picture of Christ's covenantal love for his church. You are a picture, your marriage is to be a picture of Christ's marriage to the church. He says, whether you're a good husband or a bad husband, you're still a picture. And you bring great shame to the name of Christ's covenantal love. When you don't feel an obligation to love your wife, the way Christ feels an obligation to love his bride. So I want to challenge you, in the presence of God, to understand how serious Paul's injunction and exhortation is for you this morning. Marriage vows to the world mean nothing. But to us as Christians, they should mean a lot in light of the Feast. It's fine, because we're going to see in the New Year that marriage shows and reveals to us a profound mystery of Christ's sweet, mystic communion and marriage to His Church. As it were, Christ said, in electing love before the foundations of the world, I do Do a wife who'd be a harlot and a whore. Do an unfaithful wife who didn't deserve His love, but praise the Lord that Christ is obligated to keep His end of the bargain. That's the good news. And hopefully when your unbelieving co-workers see that you show this oath, that you've sworn even to your own hurt, as it were, to be obligated to your wife's well-being and her good, and to love her sacrifices. Your co-workers who live in a different planet should say, what is going on? Which should avail you and Greenlight to say, if you think, my love to my wife is amazing, you should see the love of my Savior to His bride. Gospel opportunity. As you love your wife, those who are those naysayers at the water distributor. They should be saying, how come your life is so different? Why do you love your wife this way? And you can say, because God has enabled me by the power of the Holy Spirit to feel and to sense His love for me and to express it to my wife. The way you love your wife should be an opportunity to share the gospel. Your neighbors should see something radically different, Christian men, of how you love your wives. If not, plead with God for grace to make a difference. It's not surprising when I Google wedding vows. Of course, traditional ones. The new ones are completely void of any mention of God or commitment. But I would encourage you, just do traditional wedding vows. And I think the essence of what Paul is trying to convey to us this morning is the sense that I will love you and I will cherish you till death do us part. I'm obligated to love you through thick and thin. Whether you apparently deserve my love or not, I am obligated, I am indebted to you, in the sight of God, to love you. And to show this world, in a minute way, the infinite love of Christ for us as His bride. It's no trifling matter, though. I'm going to have to turn you a couple more times, but just go to Proverbs 2. I hope I'm not sending us on a wild goose chase, but these verses came to me this morning. And I thought they represented well this understanding of an obligation in a marriage. Especially in Ephesians 5, the obligation of the husband. So he's encouraging the people to receive his word through Solomon, talking to his son. Be wise! Esteem this godly counsel. Verse 16. By doing so you will be delivered from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words. who forsakes the companion of our youth, here it is, who forgets the covenant of her God. Let me translate it to you from a different translation. The New English translation picks up that genitive well. Her covenant marriage made before God. Okay? So, it was a couple weeks ago, someone was saying, have I conducted any marriages here? And I said, no, not yet. But I long for it. We've seen plenty of baptisms by God's grace in the last couple of years. And I long to see young people married. And by God's grace, if they are foolish enough to ask me to conduct it, I'm going to remind them that this I do in the sight of God in a covenant, not just between the two of you. It's a covenant between you and God. This woman thinking willy-nilly of her religion. It says here that she forgets the covenant of her God, or the covenant made before God. And of this covenant made before God, the husband says, yes, I will care for her. In your sight, God, I will care for her the way Christ cares for His bride. Turn to Ezekiel 16. I alluded to this last week. One of the major, of the large prophets, you've got Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations, Ezekiel. brought you to Ezekiel 16, one of my favorite passages. And I told you the marriage language therein. Look at verse 8. I'm going to read verses 8 to 14. Remember, it's still under this category of obligation. The first sub-point of sensible love is an obligation. Here's Yahweh talking to His faithless people. When I passed by you again, so right after He said, look and live, and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love. This is marriage age. And I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. Now, if you read the book of Ruth, you understand that the... Verse 8, sorry. It's Eccles 16.8.9. It's the language of commitment here. When Ruth sneaks into the grain bin, as it were, of Boaz, she puts the covering of the... She's basically saying, propose to me. This is serious. This is an old school way. of a marriage proposal, sort of like the engagement ring that we use today. So God is betrothing to himself his wife. I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. So here he's protecting her already. He's going to cover her nakedness from all of the naysaying foes who mock and ridicule. I'm going to cover you, protect you. I made mine. It's the same thing as me. I made my vow to you. I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you. Declared the Lord God, the Sovereign Lord, as you could translate. And you became mine. Now, if God was a tyrant, that would be negative. But we know, in light of redemptive history, that this God is the Savior of His bride. The Protector, the Provider, the Nourisher, the Cherisher, the Savior. You became mine, and the wife sinned. That's a good thing. Then I bathed you with water and washed you off. That's what we looked at last week. I bathed you with water and washed off your blood from you. So He protects her and cleanses her. And I anointed you. He beautifies her. I clothed you also with embroidered cloth and shod you with fine leather. I wrapped you in fine linen and covered you with silk. And I adorned you with ornaments. I put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck. And I put a ring in your nose. and earrings in your ears, and a beautiful crown on your head. Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, as your clothing was of fine linen, and silk, and embroidered cloth. You ate fine flour, and honey, and oil. You grew exceedingly beautiful, and advanced to royalty, and you're renowned and forth among the nations because of your beauty. For it was perfect, through the splendor," Ephesians 5, "'that I had bestowed upon you,' declares the Lord. Isn't that a glorious gospel picture of what God is doing and how we as husbands should seek to be imitators of God's beloved children? Ephesians 5. But why does God beautify her? Why does He give her bracelets around her wrists and earrings in her ears and nose? Why does He give her perfume? Because He's obligated, as her husband, to provide, protect, nourish, cherish. He's obligated to love her. He doesn't beautify her before becoming, but because He makes an oath, because He enters into covenant, now He's obligated. Because she is going to reflect His beauty. Husbands, there is an obligation. The husband, because he is a picture of Christ, we saw 1 Corinthians 11, is thus obligated to love his own wife. ESV misses that. Husbands, love your own wives, as your own bodies. The body is a picture of the Church. The way Christ loves the Church with an obligation indebted love, so husbands, we are to do the same. Christ is obligated to the Church because of His covenant and His vow He has made. I know that almost sounds blasphemous that Christ is obligated to love the Church, but He Himself is obligating Himself. He willingly entered into this covenant. He's not obligated because of how great we are. He's obligated to defend the glory of His name. His glory and His name is at stake. And so He will love His life. through thick and thin, till death do them part. In our day and age, the word obligation carries negative connotations, like a weight, an anchor, some impediment, some stumbling block. Obligation's a bad word, but for Christians, obligation is a glorious word. We should not let the culture define our terminology. We should let the Bible dictate. how we use words like obligation. When I say that I'm obligated to love Christina, the world will laugh and say, whip boy, you're whipped. Let them laugh. When I say I'm obligated to love my wife, it's a picture of Christ's love. I shouldn't laugh at them at that. I should say, that love liberates my wife. Just the way Christ's unconditional, never failing, loyal love liberates me. Because Christ is obligated to love me, I cannot live. and freedom for which she has set me free. Imagine that? If I had to feel that I had to earn Christ's love or He wasn't obligated to love me and I had to always try to be pleasing Him? Listen, your obligation to your wife is sensible love because it frees her. As we can see, it frees her to help you. Christian, the greatest assurance you have in this life is that Christ is obligated to keep you, protect you, nourish you, and cherish you. Not only on your good days, but especially on your bad days. So on a good day, Mark can say, yeah, I can love Sharon. I'm obligated to love her. But just wait until she has a freak out. I don't know if there's substantial. OK, so Mark and Andini are here. So I'll tell this to Mark when Andini has a freak out. Just think about Christ's love towards us. On the bad days, he's still obligated to love us. eternal covenant, and our covenant to our wives should be a faint, flickering glimmer of that glorious love that Christ has bestowed upon His bride. Husbands, does your wife sense this one? She needs to know. Don't be afraid. Men, know your wives. Know them as wives. 1 Peter 3 says you need to know them according to knowledge. Understand that your wife needs to hear this. It's not idolatrous. Of course your wife should be looking at Christ. But your wife needs to know that you are committed to her. Freedom of grace. She might not vocalize that to you. Because men, we're like a bunch of savage dogs. When we sense weakness, we pounce on it. But when our wife reveals the weakness of her heart, that she wants her husband to love her with an obligation kind of love, it creates her husband. Do you have sense that you have that love for her? Tell her, I'm committed to you. By the grace of God, I'm obligated, and by His grace, I will keep that obligation, that never-ending debt to love you. Do you have sense of this kind of covenant-keeping, committed, unconditional love? The fruit will be great assurance, freedom, and flourishing. Some Christians struggle with the assurance of their salvation. You know what the greatest assurance of salvation is? Is that Christ loves His bride with an unfaltering, unfailing, unconditional, committed love that never gives up. On good days, I sense that assurance, but I have to look to the love of God in Christ for me. He's obligated. If it were up to me to win His favor and His approval, to merit some kind of approval, I'd be lost and in hell a billion times over. But, because Christ has entered into covenant in a loving relationship with me, I have great assurance. And my assurance is based upon his love for me. But I love to me, O God, not my neighbor to thee. The picture that came to my mind of this is of a man named Benjamin Breckenfield Warfield, B.B. Warfield, whatever his middle name is. And the story goes that on their honeymoon, they were seeing someone in Europe. And she was hit by lightning. And here's his brilliance. Some people think he could have been the best theologian there was in America, including Jonathan Edwards. But he denied, and he said no to a whole bunch of offers for him to be the president and the principal of various segments of theological colleges. That's a beautiful picture of what government's obligation of it is. When he said to his wife, Till death do us part, for better or for worse, I'm obligated to show a committed love to you. Regardless of how you help me, or regardless of what you bring to the deal, I'm going to picture the love of Christ by sacrificing everything, because I'm obligated in the sight of God, to care for you, to nourish you, to cherish you. You can Google it. It's a very encouraging story. It's a beautiful picture of the Gospel. I've not read a lot of Beaten Warfield's works, but I honor the man, because his love is such a glorious picture of the gospel. Why are you obligated to love your wife this way, husbands? Because when you say, I do, it's in the sight of God, and it's a covenant between you, your wife, and God himself. God is the one who has obligated you to love your wives this way, husbands. Jesus Christ has obligated you to Love your wife. That's a lot more terrifying than my father-in-law, who's a war vet. Ryan, happy wife, happy love. He can probably break my neck in like a split second. That's terrifying, knowing that I'm obligated to love his daughter. How much more, when his father is gone, am I? So I said that at the first point. The second is observation. So back to Ephesians 5. I think we'll stay put here for the remainder of the morning. Okay, so the obligation, in the same way husbands should, or I would translate ought, you're obligated to love your own wives as your own bodies. Here's the observation. It's still in verse 28. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but he nourishes it and cherishes it. So here's the observation that's going to blow your minds. Men, you love yourselves. You are self-lovers. You love your own bodies, men. You love your own well-being. You love comfort. You love what is best for you. Every man. No exceptions. He who loves his wife loves himself. Four, no one ever hated this flesh, so Paul is assuming that by nature men are lovers of self. Now I want you to understand that Paul doesn't so much condemn the men for loving self, but he defines what it looks like to love self. He's redefining it. Outside of Christ, living for yourself means just living for yourself. But in marriage, especially Christian marriage, living for yourself means living for your wife. The issue is not that men are unable to love, or even that they are not sacrificial creatures. By nature, men are lovers of self, and sacrificial to self. This is an inescapable reality. Let me give you some examples. Men have no problem sacrificing themselves for their reputations, for their work, for their sports, for their hobbies, or for their comfort. I don't have to look at you, I just have to look in the mirror, and I see how natural it is. I don't hate myself. I don't hate my comfort. I love it. I love it a lot. I want what's best for me. The issue is not that I can't love, but that I'm not sacrificial. The problem is, is that by sin, I'm bending on myself. The issue is that men, especially husbands, sacrifice themselves for all the wrong things. Why do men work all the time? Because they love themselves. Why do men watch countless hours of football on Sunday and play video games all weekend? Because they love themselves. They're not taking one for the team. They love it! And Paul says, don't take that love and don't get rid of it. Rather, focus it on what is important, what honors Christ most. This is why we need a new nature. Which is why the more I read Ephesians, I think verses 20 to 24 are so important. Don't be like the Gentiles, verse 17 and following. Let's not believe. Learn Christ! assume that you've heard about him or taught the truth in him, even as the truth is in Jesus, to put off the old man, which is, according to the old manner of life, which is being corrupted by deceitful desires. Men have desires at work, and often we're deceived. Put off the old man, which belongs to your Your former manner of living. Your former lifestyle. Put that off. When you guys laugh at the water cooler about women and wives. Put that off. Put on the understanding that your wife is your most valuable asset on earth. And to be renewed in the spirit of your minds. And to put on the new man. Created after the likeness of God in righteousness and holiness of truth. That's the issue. Not that you're unloving, but that you're wrong-loving. Or you have a wrong understanding of what it means to love yourself. Singleness is very important for you. Single people are the most selfish people in the world. I'm not saying you're selfish. I'm saying lots of single people are selfish because their schedule is defined by them. They do what they want, when they want, how they want. Whatever. The husband no longer thinks that way. It's not what's best for me. Well, it is what's best for me, but what's best for me is best for who? My wife. Paul's observation, then. We went from obligation to observation. Here's Paul's obvious observation, for those of you who like alliteration. It's an obvious observation men love themselves. Paul doesn't say, stop loving yourselves. He says, this is what it looks like biblically now, as a husband to love yourself. He who loves his wife loves himself. If you know a bit of scripture in your memory, that's a good one to memorize. Very short. It's not a full verse, but it will help you. He who loves his wife loves himself. Let me say it in the day to day. You're a bloody fool if you think somehow you can grow to the neglect of your wife. You hate yourself if you neglect your wife. No, no, I love myself. See how many video games I'm playing? See all the sports I go to? You're a bloody fool. Because Bible makes it very clear the wife was given to complete you. So let's go back to Genesis 2. I lied. Please forgive me. I said we weren't going to go flipping around. We need to. So go to Genesis 2, verse 15. Genesis is the first book in the Bible. The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and to keep it. Now it's very important. God gives man a duty. Adam? Work it. Keep it. It's the language of king and priest in Hebrew, by the way. I want you to be a good king over my creation. I want you to be priestly in guarding and defending us. So he took the man he had created and he put him in the garden to work. He gave him a task. He gave him something to do, to work it and to keep it. And the Lord commanded the man saying, you may surely eat of every tree in the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die. Now look in verse 18. So 15, he puts the man in the garden and he gives him a responsibility, he gives him a duty. Then the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. In the old languages, help means help me, someone to help him. So Adam is given a duty, and Genesis 2 says that he is incapable of accomplishing that duty by himself. They started to alone themselves. Adam needs his wife to do what God has called him to do. If Adam doesn't have a wife, or if he has a wife and he doesn't nourish or cherish, is he able to do what God called him to do? Adam, do this! I can't, I need a helpmate! Very good. That's why Paul says, he who loves his wife as a helpmate, loves himself. She will help you, Adam, accomplish what God intended you to accomplish. I will get into some applications for single people, but for us who are married, Understand, you'll never be able to accomplish what God destined you to do by yourself. You're not a maverick. The two become one. What comes first? The responsibility. Then comes the how-to. Maybe I'm reading it wrong. That man needs the woman. That's what 1 Corinthians 11 says. The two and the Lord are not independent of each other. They need each other. The woman needs the man. The man needs the woman. to become one flash. The illustration that came to my mind was of a quarterback. That's football, for some reason. If I was in the States, all my illustrations would be awesome, and I would get standing ovations because I love football so much. But football is a sport. where they throw a waltz. They don't throw feet, and they don't kick the ball. But the quarterback is the most important position. He's the guy who throws it, or hands it off. And basically, what the other team wants to do is they want to kill the quarterback, or they want to hurt him. And so he has to work for an offensive line, or a wall in front of him. And so he gets the ball from that wall. And all these guys are trying to kill him. You know what a lot of quarterbacks do on Mondays and throughout the week? They take their offensive line up to the face and spoil them. Why? Because it's in their own best interest that their best friends are those who make their job easy, who actually save their neck. And I thought, that's a beautiful picture. Now, don't let your wife do an offensive line. Otherwise, you end up beating up. But in a very real sense, you need her husband. Spoil her. You need her. She makes your job doable. Without her, you're done. You're toast. You try to see a choreographer go on the offensive line, you'll get destroyed. you won't be able to be a good quarterback. You can't be a good husband if you're not taking care of your wife. It hurts you, just like it hurts the quarterback, if he doesn't take care of his offensive line. Let me close the point with a long quote from a man named Brian Schapel. He wrote a book called Each For The Other. And bear with me, I think it's worth quoting verbatim. He says this, God intends husbands to be complete. Okay, I want you to think of Jerry Maguire. I watched this before I got saved, so you don't have to show me. At least you, have you ever seen it? Complete me. Just with tears and... Tom Cruise can act way better than me. I wet my own eyes. You don't say you don't feel like Tom Cruise? But without their wives, this is impossible. God intends husbands to be complete. But without their wives, this is impossible. Men, do you understand it? Do you believe it? Since wives compliment and complain to their husbands, husbands need their wives. You might not think that, husband. You might think, I'm a tough girl, a guy, I can live on my own. Not spiritually. Either you're right or God's right. I know who I would choose. You might think you're okay on your own. I can pay the bills, I can cook dinner for myself, but... You need her. That's what the Bible says. The man who thinks he can do just fine, regardless of his unwillingness or inability to build up his wife, fools himself. If a husband takes advantage of his wife or robs her of some essential need, then he stunts his own growth as well as hers. Husbands require the support of wives. The more capable the wife, the better her aid will be. I think that's very clear, but I want to make sure you get that. The man who understands the divine design for his own development delights to build up the woman who enables him to be what God wants him to be. The regard a man gives his wife defines and develops him. In a profound way, a wife not only helps a husband find himself, she helps him find God. The ability to express and experience human affection often opens the door to understanding God's love. Almost done. Husbands, he says, your sanctification, your wholeness before God cannot be complete without you cherishing and nourishing your wife. No wonder Paul says that the one who loves his wife loves himself. By building up his wife, a man enriches his own life. Hence the quote, happy wife, I know that's all a lot of you can remember, but that's fine. As a husband, he uses his authority to nurture his wife, and thus experiences fulfillment. By design, the truth is buried somewhere deep within all men. It's in there. It's the way God made us. If you're married, there is that truth in you. May God reveal it to you as you apply this. When we use our authority properly, we discover what scripture attests. The men who sacrificially nourish and cherish their wives are whole people. Some of the most miserable men in the world, you should see the way they treat their wives. Because they're going against the divine design. No wonder you're miserable. You're disobeying God. You're nasty to your wife. You think God will bless that? If your wife is incomplete? Well, the two are one. Here, Lazar, I know you're in math. You can help me with this. This was the equation I was thinking of. 1 plus 1 equals 1. 1 plus 0 equals 0. You can figure that out after. Conversely, those who diminish or dispirit their wives are often emotionally and relationally unhealthy on other fronts as well. If a man will not devote himself to biblical care for those for whom he is most responsible, he depletes the soil in which his own spirit needs to mature. Beautiful picture. So you're a planted man. as a tree, and that soil, as it were, is depleted if you neglect your wife. But if you cherish her and nourish her, because you two are one, and that soil is rich, you will flourish, you will bear fruit. Happy wife, happy life. This is an obvious observation. It just makes sense. Husbands, love your wives sensibly. Sacrificial, sanctifying love is sensible love. He who loves his wife loves himself. Men, nourishing and cherishing your wife is in your own best interest. First point, Paul states their obligation. Second, he makes an observation. Third, he gives an illustration. Verse 29 of Ephesians 5. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it." Here it is. Just as, even as, in the same way that Christ does the Church. Because we are members of his body. So he's going to take the practical and undergird it with the theological. He's going to give us an illustration of what this love looks like. Husbands, you are to take your cue from none other than Jesus Christ. Okay? Duck Dynasty? Maybe he's good. But you look to Christ as the ultimate husband. You don't find it on sitcoms. You don't find it from magazines. You don't ask people what they think a good husband is. You look at the Lord Jesus Christ. You apply what he has done for you into your marriage. You don't learn it from your pig-headed chauvinist co-workers. You learn it from gentle Jesus, meek and mild, committed lover of his bride. Rather than exploiting our inherent weakness with His strength, Jesus Christ uses His strength to build us up in our weakness and make us complete. See how the gospel can actually become visible in your home, trust me? I feel like I'm losing a lot of you. Don't look at the mustache. I told Christina that it's a leap year for November. So, and it's really November the 31st today. How does Christ love us? We're weak! We're weak! But Romans 5 says that when we are weak, Christ in His strength died for us. That He might make us complete and whole. That He might feed us, and nourish us, give us what we need, when we need it, in the right dose, to give us the rebuke we need. But He does so lovingly for our good. The illustration of what this love looks like, of course, is Christ. He doesn't exploit our weakness with His strength. Husbands, don't exploit your wife's frail emotions with your lovelessness. Honestly, I just don't get the way a lot of women think, but that's okay. I'm to understand them. I'm to meet them where they're at, the way Christ meets me where I'm at. Which, of course, means it's not an application. Obligation, observation, illustration, application. Very good. What does it look like to love our wives sensibly? Two words, in the present tense. To keep nourishing and to keep cherishing. Just the way Christ does us. Imagine if Christ had cherished me and nourished me when he thought of me. He's nourishing me right now. He's nourishing me right now. He's always willing to, always desiring to. The living manna, the daily manna, there. It's not like, whoops, I'm a little busy, you'll just get a double dose. No, He gives us Himself all the time. First is to nourish. The word means to nurture and bring to maturity. I like that. It's only used twice in the New Testament, both in Ephesians. It means to nurture and to bring to maturity, to promote the growth of something else. I like that. To promote your wife's growth. That's what it means to nourish her. To promote her growth. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. Excuse me, we're going to see the same word used in Ephesians 6. Children, bring up your children. That's the same word. Nourish them. Bring them up. Seek their flourishing. Promote their growth. I'll show you how the word's used in the Old Testament, in the Septuagint, and I'll help you see. So, husband, this is what it looks like to nurture, to nourish, to promote the growth of your life. Genesis 45, Joseph talking to his brothers. He says, God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to keep alive for you many survivors. So that Greek word, to keep alive. To nourish means to keep alive. Physically, of course. If you are an able man, you should be the breadwinner. You should be the one providing. You should be the one making mortgage payments. You should be the one putting food on the table. Yes, you might not work the dream job. You are responsible. You are obligated to love your wife and to care for her material needs, to keep her alive. But you're also obligated, as it were, to see that she be kept alive spiritually, which leads to last Sunday, by the washing of the water with the burning. sacrifice yourself, that she might be sanctified, that she might flourish, that she might grow, that she might be matured spiritually as well. Genesis 45-11 says there in Egypt, Joseph says, I will provide for you. So it means to provide for, to keep alive. Husbands, you have to provide for your wives. Genesis 47. So they brought their livestock to Joseph, and Joseph gave them food in exchange for the horses, the flocks, the herds and donkeys. Joseph supplied them with food in exchange. So, it means to keep alive, it means to provide for them, it means to supply them with the things they need. I might not think she needs certain things. I'm a guy. I eat rice every day. She might want things like soap and perfume. I need to supply her with those things, even if I don't think she needs them. There are things women need that guys just don't get. Supply her with them. She has emotional needs that I just don't get. Like a lot of you know I'm a blockhead, but talk with Christine. I really, I just, I have to make sure I meet her needs emotionally as well. Which reminds me of an email a discerning member of the church gave me on Monday, and I'm thankful for these emails, because it means they're listening and thinking, and they want to clarify things. And this person said, well, you were saying that a husband needs to spend time with his wife, which is true. And this person said, but spending time sometimes isn't enough. Sometimes spending time is, I'm playing video games and my wife has decided to read it. I ate supper with you, I'm reading the newspaper, I'm watching the hockey game. I'm not a word. You can be there or not there. Your wife needs you. Not your body. She needs your soul. Provide for her. Supply her with what she needs for her growth. If your wife is more emotional, understand how God made her and put her into your life. And scoop husbands to become emotional. Psalm 23. This is my favorite one. I only give them all, but this one is interesting. He leads us beside still waters. That's the Hebrew. But Septuagint, the Greek version, uses this word for nourish. That's a beautiful picture. That just the way Jesus leads us beside still waters where we can drink without foes or enemies attacking us. It's not putrid, it's disgusting. Bacteria are in the water. It's beautiful water that's calm, life-giving. There's a serenity about it. That's what Jesus does. He leads us beside still waters, and the Greek word is That's what husbands should do with their wives. Leave them beside the still waters. Make them feel secure. Make them feel at home. Make them feel protected and provided for. Husbands, this is what it means to nourish your wife. I'm just paying the bill, but make her feel you care for her and will protect her no matter what. I remember reading one of the books, and the guy said, if any man walks into my house, I'm going to beat him down if he tries to leave my house. It's not a waste, definitely, because it's written in a book, but I just imagine this guy being all tough. Anyone comes into my house, he's done. He touches my wife, I'm going to protect her. And then he said this. God brought it to my mind. The man I need to protect my wife from most is the man who comes into the house every night and needs to protect her from myself. And when I beat her down with my brow-beating talk, when I insult her, make her feel like this, and I laugh at her, and she cries when I'm not emotional. Husbands, you have to protect your wife from all kinds of attachment, but protect her also from her sin. Nourish her and make her feel at home in your heart. Cherish. Originally, the word meant to warm, to brood, to keep warm, to soften by heat. And the idea is to cherish with tender love and care. In the Old Testament, this word, to nourish, is used of a hen or a bird sitting on her eggs, warming them. I like that. What is dear to her? Husbands, don't take it literally. I'm saying to sit on your wives. The care of her tenderly. I just imagined the spirit of God being like, I can't breathe, honey. Don't take your pastor literally. But the vision of a mother of three. Heavy man, not a stinky man, but a mother bird. Warming her precious eggs and keeping them safe. Okay? So, your wife is like the precious eggs of the robin. Focus on the robin now. 1 Thessalonians 2, Paul says, the word describes how a mother tenderly cares for her own children. So, you're a block-headed husband like me, like, I don't know what it looks like to cherish my wife. If you have kids, watch how your wife deals with the kids. Now, deal with your wife the way she deals with the kids. Be gentle with her. Love her. Sacrifice her. Be tender-hearted. Say nice things. Children need it. Feel security. Husbands, so do your wives. Men usually don't need to feel that as much as women. If we have a good job, that's enough. Your wife needs to feel that. Cherish her in the way a motherhead cherishes those days and does whatever it takes to keep them warm. The English dictionary defined it in order to hold dear, feel, or show affection. It has the idea of protecting and caring for someone else in a loving way. Husbands, nourish your wives, help them to grow, but cherish your wives. Keep them warm as they are. Keep those embers going. Cherish her. Let her know how much she means to you. Let her know how much you love her. how obligated you are to love her to the end. Let her know how thankful you are to God for her. Let her know that you'd rather have her than anyone else. Let her know that. Because she might be thinking that, oh, I'm getting older. Husbands, cherish your wives. Conclusion. You might be asking, does this verse really mean that if I do not nourish and cherish my wife lovingly as God wants me to, it will negatively affect God's relationship with me? Yes. Exactly what I'm saying, husbands. Okay? I know this has been all about husbands. We will get to some more practical. And I was thinking of all the single girls. Pray that I will give you a husband who is malleable to God's Word. A husband who looks to Christ. A husband who is filled with Christ and seeks to imitate Christ. A husband who has the grace of Christ flowing through his veins. Because such men, even if they will laugh at them, will nourish and cherish their wives. They will love their wives. Sensibly. Pray for those kinds of men, parents and wives. Young men, quit being cowards and selfish lovers and learn how to love others sacrificially because you're going to bring your selfishness into your marriage. Pray that God will make you this kind of man already before you say, I do. This is a picture of the Gospel. Wives, your husband will never get it right. You can pray that increasingly so if you will. Husbands, you will never get it right. And so we don't look ultimately to the husband getting it right. The wife doesn't look to the husband and the husband doesn't look to himself. We look to who? We look to Jesus Christ. Even though your husband might be an unbeliever or a meathead, he might not ever apply what we preached this morning. Remember, that there is One who is obligated to you perfectly. He is Jesus Christ. And Jesus Christ will complete the work you've begun. He will nourish you. He will cherish you. He has, and He forever will. When Christ God promises to do His people good, not according to what we deserve, but according to His steadfast love and tender mercies that are ours through faith in Jesus Christ. Do you believe in Jesus Christ? Do you belong to Him? Can you say that, as it were, I am His bride, that I can call Jesus Christ my husband? Then let me just make it very clear to you that you don't become united to Christ through coming to church, You are not united to Christ through birth. Naturally speaking, John 1 says. You're not born a Christian. You're not born belonging to Christ. But rather, you enter into this mystic, sweet communion that he says, through faith. Through faith in Jesus Christ. Turning from your false gods and saying, Jesus, I do. Sounds like a wedding vow. Jesus Christ. I accept you as Lord of the Universe and Lord of my heart. I turn from all my folly and I ask you to save me from my sins. That's how you become united to Christ. That's how you become as bright as it were. And so all this practical speaking for husbands who are Christians means nothing if you're outside. That's the beautiful quote from John Calvin. It says, Purchase, marriage, all of Christ's benefits, all of Christ's attributes, all that Christ has done for you means nothing if you're outside of Him. Nice door and stuff, it's nice and warm in my house, banquet table, warm clothing, love, singing, marriage, all the good is offered you, and it's all there, but it means nothing unless you walk into my house, unless you walk through the front door. All that Christ offers you this morning is nothing unless you repent of your sins and trust in Him. In the beautiful thing, Jesus says, He who cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out. Christ never opens the door and says, Beat it! Well, don't think of the parable of the two excursions. But in the saving way, you come to Christ, He doesn't say, hit the road, Jack. He says, come on in. I've already prepared for you a glorious banquet. Come feast on me. Come. Marry yourself. Come. Come. Come. Jesus Christ bids you come this morning if you're not a Christian. Husbands and wives, that's secondary if you're not a Christian. Spirit in the church say this morning, come. Father, we pray, would you save the bride of Christ, and would you save those who are not in Christ this morning. May you open their eyes to see the beauty of the bridegroom. May they see Him, that we present Him in the song of Solomon. Oh, the love in His mind, the nine hymns. Oh, that we could all leave saying that. Father not, I came to church today and it meant nothing. Oh, that we would warm our hearts to see Christ as the glorious husbandman. Oh, that we would beautify ourselves and we as husbands would be faithful to love our lives sacrificially and sanctifyingly and sensibly. Father, provide these kinds of men, Lord, for the single women. Lord, make the single men into these kinds of men. And for those who are called to singleness, help them to pray for these kinds of people. Oh God, would you build your church up. Thank you, Jesus, for your immense love Thank you that you are the church's one foundation. To guide, sustain, and cherish is with her to the end. Oh, what a glorious promise. Father, give us grace, whether husbands or not, to press on, to work out our salvation with fear trembling, knowing that it is you who is working on us both to will and to work your good pleasure. Father, help me be a smart, sensible husband. The folly of neglecting my wife. Show me how foolish it is to neglect her because really then I neglect myself. Father, bless this servant somehow in some way. To the salvation of sinners, to the sanctification of your people, and to husband's bleeding, the way Christ leads the church we pray in His name. Amen.