All right, so we're gonna go ahead and and get started here. This morning, we're going to kind of continue on the topic that Pastor Dean and Brenda have been talking about. And this morning, we're going to talk about the issues of miscarriage and infant loss. And so for those of you who don't know us, I'm Pastor Caleb, the other one, Pastor Frisky, and this is my wife, Lauren. And we'll get into our story with infant loss a little bit later. But I just wanted to start out with, well actually, let's start out with prayer and then I'll read our opening quote and all that. So let's go ahead and pray. Heavenly Father, we thank you for this day and for this time together just to discuss issues that are current in our world and just pray that you would guide us, help us to learn and to apply to our lives what we will be here today. In your name we pray, amen. So, this is a quote from one of our counseling resources. It says this, death itself is already difficult to deal with as it is our sharp reminder of lost innocence, sin, and sin's punishment. It is so much harder when a dear loved one passes away. Harder still it seems when that loved one is your child. Crises reveal what a person genuinely believes. While many people unfortunately turn away from God because of their crises, God often uses these difficult situations to draw us closer to him. Today we would like to address the very sensitive topic of pregnancy and infant or child loss and how God in his comfort can heal and provide tremendous hope in such deep grief. Go ahead. So in your notes you'll see there we kind of wanted to start off with an overview of what falls under this category of pregnancy and infant loss because either sometimes we can try and put all of these different situations under one label when really this topic expands much further than that. And even in this already kind of long list, you can break those down even further into the situations that different people deal with. What we wanted to accomplish with providing these is to kind of give you a tool to help you understand what these different scenarios can look like. Not in an attempt to compare, and we'll get into that. We don't want to compare situations. We don't want to minimize people's grief just because they went through something different than maybe you've gone through. definitions, though scientific and sometimes a little cold, they can help us see where a person is at, what they've dealt with, maybe where they are physically and mentally, emotionally, spiritually. So this is just an explanation of Yeah, just to kind of help you understand, okay, here's what this person is dealing with, what their husband is dealing with, what the wife is dealing with, physically where they were at in their pregnancy, even the state of the baby. All of those things play a different part in how trauma and grief, all of that affects the scenario. And then there's also a little chart there. I don't know that it has a specific name, but it's a spectrum that kind of helps you understand crisis severity. So in addition to the different types of losses that you see there, there's also that expectancy factor. So was this an expected death? Was this very sudden? Was this kind of somewhere in between where maybe you got a bad prognosis but you just didn't know what the doctors would be able to do versus what they couldn't do? In any kind of a trial or any type of crisis, this expectancy factor plays a role. Because again, if it's completely unexpected, that's going to add a level of grief that you're not prepared to deal with. This certainly doesn't change. the severity or level of grief that someone experiences. Someone who's expecting the loss of their child still has a deep grief versus somebody who completely unexpectedly lost their child. So this is not, again, something to minimize what a person is going through, but to help you understand, okay, where is this trauma level at? What kind of level of grief are we dealing with? Were they mentally prepared for this or not? And that can just kind of help you evaluate where a person is and how you can reach out to help them. Yeah, and so there are those different types of pregnancy and infant loss that you can see in your handout. You have miscarriage, which is the very early loss of a baby in their development, sometime before 20 weeks. whether that's early, so before 12 weeks, or late, between 12 and 20 weeks. One of the difficult things with miscarriage, maybe some of you have experienced it or been with someone who has, one of the difficult aspects of it is that sometimes it can be missed, right? Sometimes it might be, oh, it's just a delayed heavy period, right, that's it. And then it wasn't, there was something more to it. And sometimes that can be another factor that can impact the grief that one might feel. There's stillbirth, so the loss of a baby in the womb after 20 weeks. This is when they're more developed. Typically this can be harder sometimes as maybe you've had more time to to start to look forward to your child. You've picked out the names, maybe you've already set up the nursery, and then here's this massive loss. There's also infant loss, so the loss of baby after birth and before one year is old. And then child loss, which is the loss of a child after they turn one. Infant loss is something that Lauren and I went through last year, two years ago? Time is hard to keep track of. But we went through that in 2023. We had a beautiful baby boy, Christopher Joseph Friske. If you all want pictures later, please ask. I would argue he's the cutest baby ever, but maybe that's just because I'm his parent. But we had him at 37 weeks, something like that. And then 12 days later, he had succumbed to some congenitive heart defects that he had developed during the course of our pregnancy. Our situation was a little interesting. It wasn't completely unexpected. And so if you look at the crisis severity chart, it's a little bit more on the expected kind of the lower end of the crisis zone. When we were at our 20-week appointments, We had the anatomy scan, you know, excited to see if it was a boy or a girl and all of that. And that's when we first discovered that something wasn't quite right. And that led to a series of weekly, sometimes biweekly appointments to the doctor to get scans, to do all of that fun stuff, right? And so we had a long time of that. And then we gave birth. I mean, he was healthy. And then 12 days later, he he had succumbed to to his illness. And, you know, in a lot of senses, it was kind of a constant roller coaster. There were some good appointments. There were some bad appointments. One of the very early appointments that we got as with scans and all of that, they had noticed some buildup of liquid, which, of course, is not a good thing. And so even early on, it was kind of uncertain how long he would make it. And even if he would make it to term. And so one of the roller coasters was whether or not he was going to get born or not. And so that was something that definitely impacted kind of our experience in that crisis and with infant loss. Another aspect with infants and pregnancy loss that's pretty difficult is the aftermath. Right. What comes after, you know, whether that's the decision to have a memorial service, a funeral, deciding, you know, for future children. I mean, there are so many things that that impact that aftermath. We personally had a lot of decisions to make, obviously, throughout our pregnancy, but after he was born and into when he did pass away. And I mean, there are so many different things we could talk about. I don't know if we'll have time for all of that here. But one of the things that was extremely helpful for us were mentors and counselors helping us make those decisions that we weren't trying to do it all on our own. Especially when you are dealing with heavy grief, that does affect you mentally. You can't think clearly, and even physically, it impacts your brain. And the Kurtzes are in this room, but they were actually very vital in helping us make a lot of the decisions that we made, including our service and how to do that and how to take care of things. afterward. And... Like Pastor Caleb said, we dealt with infant loss, but this is gonna look different for somebody who's had a miscarriage or a stillbirth, especially the earlier that it happens. And so these decisions are gonna look different for each scenario, each situation. And it can cause a lot of anxiety. It can be very difficult to make these situations, to know, am I doing what's best? Am I glorifying God in these decisions? Yeah, there's a lot of different things there. But the most important thing to remember when it comes to these different types of loss is that each one represents a life that God created, that God gave to those parents. And whenever you have somebody dealing, even if it's yourself with those situations, remembering that God loves that child and God loves those parents and he wants to comfort them and give them his grace no matter what it is that they've gone through. We obviously had that preparedness. We knew that things were pretty bad and that we probably wouldn't get to take our son home, but our knowledge didn't detract from the grief that we felt and it didn't lessen the severity of the situation that we went through. God was gracious in allowing us time to prepare for what was going to happen, and that did in the long run help with the grieving process. But even if it's a completely unexpected situation, God's grace can still help a person, and his comfort still reaches them even in the greatest depths of loss. And a really vital, important, but difficult truth to grasp throughout the entirety of a pregnancy or an infant loss. And it's a very cliched thing to say, you know, they're in a better place, but as we consider, you know, like Lauren was saying, as we consider that these are lives that God deeply cares for, this is a life that God created, right? This is, so for example, with the life of our son, with Christopher, we pretty early on decided to focus on the fact that even though he is not healed and in our arms, he is perfectly healed. And so he will never have to face a heart transplant. He will never have to go through the pain and suffering that all of us face, right? And it's difficult to think and to consider and to accept, but when we remember that God is He is the ultimate healer. He is the one that can bring that healing and that comfort even in these difficult situations. Kind of focusing on God and remembering who He is and what He's done for us just brings a level of comfort that really can't get otherwise. And so with that, we're going to go ahead and talk through a couple of helpful principles that were beneficial to us as we've gone through infant loss, as well as beneficial to others that we know. The first one is that the best time to prepare for a crisis is before a crisis. I mean, you don't go training for a marathon the day of a marathon. You know, die most likely. As people, all of us are either in a crisis, coming out of a crisis, or going into a crisis, right? We're in this kind of constant cycle of suffering as a result of the sinful world that we live in, right? And so it's not kind of an if we need to prepare, it's a fact that we need to prepare for when something is going to happen. Especially when it comes to your relationship with the Lord, if you are a Christian, you know the truth and you want to have that foundation. Because, like we said when we opened, so many times crisis situations or trials can push people farther away from the Lord. And it is a huge blessing when trials bring people to God, but you can't necessarily guarantee that that'll happen. And as Christians, if we don't have that strong foundation, if we aren't growing in the Lord and we aren't memorizing His word, or constantly in His word, when difficult situations come, there is that temptation to be angry at God or to turn away from Him. So it's so important to prepare for the crisis beforehand and to be in His Word and have that foundation. Because, especially in these situations, even if a pregnancy is completely normal and the birth, no complications at all, All of you moms in this room know there are a lot of things physically that you deal with after birth and your brain isn't always with you. There's a lot of hormone issues going on and dad do you understand this too? You've got the stress of taking care of your family and this newborn in the house and even if everything were to be perfect you still have those mental, physical, emotional things going on mentally and you probably won't have the bandwidth you used to have before. So if you don't have God's word in your heart, if you don't have God's word in your mind to continually think about and meditate on, when you don't have the time to sit down and read that you used to have before, having that foundation is really important, especially beforehand. Yes, yeah. One of the things that was really beneficial to me The year before we had Christopher, I was still in college, so it was a stressful time in general, but one of the great things that I had the privilege of going through were some counseling classes. One of the things that we put together is just a list of like verses and stuff that can help with like different situations, different issues, and I took the time, I forget how long it took, but I took the time to put it in some of my Bibles. And so like this little thing, just having it with us in the hospital, even if we didn't have the brain power to like pull up memorized passages, or like go and study on our own, having a set list of passages that I knew I could turn to for comfort, that I knew that I had gone to in the past, was just incredibly helpful. Even afterwards, like Lauren mentioned, I mean, you're gonna be out of bandwidth for a while, right? You're not gonna be able to think. To be quite frank, even till today, sometimes it's hard to crack open God's Word and to really study in depth like maybe we used to. But having that past knowledge, having that past study, was just so incredibly helpful for us. Another one, a big helpful principle, is to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Of course, that's a principle. That's a passage we see in Romans. And it's just incredibly important as you're as maybe you yourself are going through something or as you are walking with someone else who is is first of all to give yourself permission to weep. Right. God has given us emotions. He himself has emotions. You know, he he mourns. Right. We have the freedom to to to feel right. give yourself permission to weep, but also give yourself permission to rejoice. Like I said before, it was hard, but we tried to focus on that good, on the fact that God had perfectly healed our son, even though he wasn't with us, right? And so we rejoiced in that. And then even as you're ministering to other people around you, Weep with those who are weeping, right? That might even just mean, you know, going over to their house and sitting with them and just spending time as they mourn. But that might also mean helping them to rejoice. Helping them to see the good. Helping them to focus on God and on his word. And not trying to force them into one side or the other, right? Not taking someone who is rejoicing for what God has done and making them weep because you know that's what you would be doing. Or not taking someone who's weeping and being like, ah, get over it. It's fine, right? That's, that's not good either. So finding that balance, listening to the spirit as he guides you through that too. Yeah, and with that to kind of leads into the next point about seeking understanding. Personally, I struggled with a lot of different thoughts and feelings. and struggled with reconciling what I was thinking and what I was feeling because of this loss that we were going through with the truth of God's word. And even though I knew the right answers, my grief would get in the way of that. So trying to go to the Lord with my grief. But sometimes when a person is in a crisis, what they're thinking and feeling might be shocking and uncomfortable. And when they try to express that to you, people can get uncomfortable really quickly. And while that's understandable, don't shut them down, because that'll give you an idea of where they're at. Let the Spirit help you figure out what truth they need. When they open up to you, even if it is uncomfortable, let them share with you. Let them share what's on their heart and what's on their mind and take them to God's Word and say, I'm so sorry that's what you're dealing with, but God has truth for you. God has comfort for you. And especially if it is a Christian, and if they know the truth, if they have a strong relationship with the Lord, they just need that help in processing what they're thinking. They know the truth, but they need help remembering it, I guess. So seek to understand where they're at. Don't force them in one side or the other. Don't put them in a box. Don't put God in a box. Just let the Spirit lead and seek to understand where they're at. Another important thing is to attempt to minister to all those involved in a crisis, especially something like pregnancy and infant loss. Then when I think back to kind of our personal experience through that, There were many, many people who were affected, right? Of course we were, but then our family, right? Our parents. Christopher was the first grandparent, or grandbaby on both sides. And so that was especially tough for our parents who had been looking forward to having a grandkid and so it was certainly difficult for them. Our siblings as well, they certainly had a hard time with it. Our grandparents were looking forward to a great grandbaby or another great grandbaby and so that was difficult for them. Even for some of our close friends and family. I remember Pastor Dean sharing with me one time about how even their experience, it was a roller coaster, because we would come back one week with one set of news of, oh, things are looking great. Things are doing good. And then next week, you would be, ah. he's has long, or he has liquid around his lungs, you know, and even after the birth of, oh, he's doing great. And then one weekend, there's a massive crash. And so even for really close friends, it can be really difficult to see that. And I'm sure many of you have experienced that as well. Another Maybe this is a bit selfish, but another people group to administer to especially is the dads. There are a lot of really amazing resources for women who have gone through pregnancy and infant loss, and we thank God for all of the amazing resources there. But there's not the same wealth of things available for the dads. And so that can be a very difficult thing I know personally for me. It was challenging sometimes to get five things a week in the mail for Lauren, and then here I am sitting mourning the loss of my son, like, ah. I'm nothing right. It can be a very challenging thing. Even in the marriage relationship. I know there were some times where I even struggled with bitterness, because hey, here's my wife getting poured into and What am I? And unfortunately, as I'm sure many of you know, in marriage, when that happens, when there's something external that's affecting you, often it comes out at your spouse. And that's always good. But that was definitely a challenging aspect. And I mean, there are so many people who suffer with something like this. And we just need to be kind and gracious and loving to everyone, no matter how close they are to it or far away they are from it. Just love others, I guess, is the way to sum up that point. So Caleb talked about it, but I was the one who actually put it in our notes about ministering to dad specifically because I saw how much that hurt him. And even though he dealt with it a lot internally, it was really hard for me when I would get flooded with people and they would constantly ask me how I'm doing, knowing that my husband is struggling just as much as I am. So when somebody was very intentional about reaching out to him also, it was encouraging to me because You know, even though dads don't go through the physical aspects of pregnancy and birth, there's still so much going on mentally and emotionally for them too. They're just as invested in that child's life. And a loss of their child is just as deep as it is for the mom. It's like two sides of the same coin, even though they're dealing with different things physically, it's still the same deep heavy loss for them. So remembering dads specifically when you have somebody who's going through these types of situations is really good to keep in mind. Another important principle is to never assume. Even if you have been through a similar situation, kind of like we started out with, there are so many different variables that can affect people. I mean, one that we didn't even discuss is whether it is an expected pregnancy or not, whether, you know, Whether you're looking forward to another child, whether you already have some at home, whether you have been maybe trying for a long time and now finally here is this child, there are just so many different variables. And it's kind of easy to assume, and there is some merit to remembering, hey, I've been through this. I need to be gracious and loving to this person. But just make sure that, just because you have been through some painful experiences, don't assume something on their part. You know, we had plenty of people come up and say, we know it's hard, and we're like, oh, well, yes and no, right? I mean, hard is hard, but there are different types of hard. And so, yeah, there's a lot more that we could discuss in this, but just try not to assume. And this is where comparing, I mean, we should never compare situations ever, but part of why we wanted to include all those different things is so that we realize every situation is unique and different. And so even if maybe two people fit in that same category, they're dealing with completely different things. And so it was really hard for us when people would come up to us and say, well, I've gone through this, or I've gone through this. And it just kind of felt like they were minimizing our situation. So being careful to not compare your circumstance with another person's circumstance, because that misses the point. The point is sharing God's truth and God's comfort. And God may have comforted you in a particular trial so that you can now share comfort with them. But you don't want to do it in a comparing sort of a way. And yeah, so not assuming where somebody is at to either minimize or maximize their grief. Another important one is to not be a burden and to not make others feel like a burden. This one is interesting and kind of subtle. It's the text coming that says, hey, what can I do for you? That is helpful, that is beneficial, but sometimes that can become a burden on someone that might be suffering. Because now, not only do they perhaps feel like a burden, But now they have the burden of, OK, what's something that I can ask them to do? What's a list of groceries that I can come up with and give to them? Some stuff like that. And so just kind of on the practical side of that one, Just as you are going about your life, think of things that you can offer, right? I'm going to the grocery store, what can I, or maybe I'm gonna be picking up dinner, can I grab this and this for you and bring it by? Something simple, something that's not going to weigh on their minds or perhaps burden them with a certain responsibility or something. Yeah, and giving people in crisis a sense of normalcy, too. A lot of times, especially serious situations like this, can feel like an identification on a person. So now they're walking around feeling like, everybody now knows me as the mom whose child died. So this is already very aware in their own mind. And when people start to treat them differently because of a situation they've gone through, whether good or bad, it can be very difficult because they now feel like they're burdening other people with their grief. And so, reaching out to them, making them feel like a normal person and letting them have that space to grieve with you or they know that you're a source of comfort or that their grief isn't a burden to you, just giving people a sense of normalcy, not treating them differently just because of what they've gone through. Another important thing is to be authentic as you experience grief and loss. Like I mentioned earlier, I mean, scripture is very real with the reality of life. I mean, just read through Psalms, you know, over a third of them are Psalms of lament. Psalms that largely talk about grief and sorrow. And I forget which one it is, but Psalm 82. I forget the exact reference. But one of those psalms of lament, I mean, there's just no hope. It's just bleh. It's just grief. It's just nothingness, right? Scripture gives you permission to be authentic, right? Things that's most influenced the way that I've looked at life is my study through the Hebrew books of, or the books of Hebrew wisdom poetry. So Proverbs, Job, Ecclesiastes. They kind of present this complete understanding of life, right? With Proverbs, you have like the optimist's view of everything, right? God will punish the wicked, the wise will be good. With Ecclesiastes, you have like the pessimist's view of life. I mean, just everything is awful. Everyone's gonna die, all of that. And then you have Job, where it's kind of that more realistic picture, where, okay, here's a righteous man, and he's suffering. that sort of thing happens, right? And of course, throughout Job, you have all of his friends helping as they try to apply Proverbs blindly to his life and all of that. We're free to experience life as it hits us, whether that is a time of weeping or a time of rejoicing. There's space to do both, right? Yeah, and pairing the truth of scripture with what you're feeling. Because it would be wrong for us to have our deep emotions and then get angry at God. So that's not the approach that we obviously want to have. We are allowed to have these deep feelings, but we need to take them to the Lord and ask him for his help with them. And his comfort is found all throughout the Bible, even in some of the most random situations. One of the passages we'll talk about in a little bit that was actually a comfort to us was David when he lost his son. Even though that resulted because of David's direct sin, David knew that his son was with the Lord, and that he would see his son again. So even in a passage where so much evil was going on, we found comfort because of God's promises in that scripture. So just these deep emotions, the complex emotions, being real with ourselves of where we're at and taking that to the Lord and asking him for his help. Another one is just be careful about saying something like I completely understand, I fully understand. Maybe say something like I understand your pain or I feel your pain. Part of going through a crisis like this or helping someone else through a crisis is learning to be careful with your wording, you know. Some words might just, you know, hit like a knife to the heart. Others might actually supply comfort and genuine help in a situation. You know, chances are, with this one in particular, you might not fully and specifically understand what's going on in their hearts and minds. Crises, miscarriage, infant loss, it's as unique as the people who have experienced it. Yeah, we kind of touched on this a little bit already. But just being very intentional with what you say to someone who's gone through a deep loss. Because we, I mean, I could give you a list of all the things I remember people saying to me that I knew that they were trying to be helpful. And so I, you know, it was, I was very gracious, but it hurt because there was just very trite words or things that didn't make any sense or it was just a wrong understanding of God and who he is and why he had us walk through this trial. So just remembering that you don't necessarily know what someone's thinking or feeling, but you can always share God's truth. And sharing God's truth is always gonna be better than trying to come up with something yourself. Yes. Another important thing is to let the spirit work in or through yourself or someone else in a situation. Sometimes you really just need to take a step back and let the spirit work in someone, right, or in us. God is let us get indwelled by the Spirit. And so, you know, we should listen to God the Holy Spirit sometimes just as he works in us, as he helps us to learn and to grow, as he provides comfort to, or even as he gives permission to grieve, you know, just in so many areas. Another important thing is to always look for God's guidance. that might be directly from his word, right? As kind of we already touched on how there are certain passages that were just incredibly helpful as they guided us through our loss. It might be through that, it might be through circumstances. It was really encouraging for us as we went through our experience where we could point at specific things that were very clearly God's moving in our lives. Whether that was early on when we, our hospital got changed from Milwaukee to Madison, right? So, I mean, it was the same drive length. It wasn't an actual problem, but there was some confusion with the insurance, but we could point to that as an example of how God worked in our lives. I mean, we met incredible medical staff and people there that just were so helpful in our experience. Or even a couple of different things where, you know, we would get this really bad piece of news and God would just work in us, and all credit goes to Him, but He would work in us and we would come to the same conclusion without having talked about it. And just there were so many times where that happened, and just every time the new trial or issue came up, we could look back to God working in our lives just a couple days ago, or a couple weeks ago, and we could have hope that God would continue to do that. He would continue to work in us. He would continue to guide us through circumstances, through the wisdom and advice of other people. And he would just, he would guide us. We could know that because we had seen it in his word and we had experienced it in our lives. In also being submitted to God's will and praying for that no matter what it is Because of course we were praying for the healing of our son that there might be some Surgery or her transplant or something medically that could be done But at the same time we needed to be prepared to surrender to the reality that God would take him home instead and one of the very clear instances, just to get a little real for a moment, but I think it was a day or two before Christopher passed away, he had gone through a procedure, and that procedure did not go well, and so he was really struggling from it, and when doctors ask to sit down with you, and they're crying, and they can't even hardly tell you, that there's nothing more that they can do. That's a very sobering reality to be in. And after that meeting, Caleb and I stayed in that room, or maybe we walked down to a different one, I don't even remember. We just cried and we prayed, but we very specifically prayed that God would make it very clear for us one way or another. Is our child going to be okay or is he going to go home to heaven? I just remember this so vividly in my mind. We prayed specifically for God to comfort us in the event of his passing. We, I mean, we felt God's presence in that room with us more than, you know, God's always with us, but feeling God right there with us was just an experience I can't explain, but God very clearly answered our prayer. And even though it was a no, he's not going to be healed on earth, there was so much of God's love and his guidance in that answer, and we were just thankful for that. Yeah, oh, sorry, can I do that? Yeah, go ahead. And with that, on the back of the handout, there's a list of a lot of specific scripture passages or principles. We won't talk through every single one, but we wanted to share this with you all so that you have a list that you can directly go to. We talked about the lament psalms. These are so powerful to help us understand emotions and grief. We can find our own thoughts echoed throughout the psalms sometimes, and then God gives us, in his word, the very words for our grief, and he lovingly shows us how to reorient our thoughts and our emotions. Trust psalms, the same idea. In 1 Samuel, there's Hannah's testimony, and Hannah's testimony, God used that specifically for me in our hospital days. She had desperately desired her child, and she had prayed for her son. And while Samuel lived a full life, Hannah didn't get to raise him all the way into adulthood. She gave him back to the Lord, and he went to serve with Eli, and they experienced significant separation through that, but she trusted the Lord with her son, and that was encouraging for me. Similar idea with Abraham and Isaac, where God asked Abraham to trust him with his son. And lots of verses in there, too, about God caring our sorrow and understanding our grief, and that Christ also understands grief and pain. Psalm 139, just so many tremendous truths there about God's love and care for us, especially babies in the womb. No matter the situation, a life is a life, and humans have been wonderfully and beautifully made in God's image. And then the book of Job, we already mentioned, but the whole book just talks about a righteous man going through trial. And even though he never got an answer for why he went through what he did, he continued to trust the Lord throughout his whole life. But even Job expresses deep grief and deep emotions And God helps him through that. So that final principle is just to be patient and gracious with yourself. Maybe a more theologically accurate way to say it is to accept the grace that God extends to us. learn to accept that grace, right, in every situation, especially through something like this. Of course, a crisis, a miscarriage, an infant loss, any situation is never a license to sin, but God has offered us his grace, recognize and accept that, that God himself is gracious and merciful. And Being patient and gracious with myself was really something that God had to get a hold of me in regards to. Just a little bit of my personal experience. We lost Christopher in June, the beginning of June. And then at the beginning of July, I started as an intern over at Calvary Baptist Church. And just for the first couple months, rough, slow going. I just, I felt like I couldn't think and process and, you know, whatever work I did have assigned to me, it took longer than it normally would have. And over the course of the first couple months, I started to learn about the effect that trauma has on a brain. And, you know, no matter how well you process it or handle it, holding your dying son in your arms is trauma. It just is. And, I mean, the effects of the trauma on your brain, I mean, it's effectively bruising your brain. It will heal, but it will take time. So you need to be patient and gracious. And even to this day there, there are some days where I'm just like, just, just out I just can't think can't process, and I just need to be like okay God. I'll do what I can today. Just give me the patience and the grace to work through it. And there are so many other effects, too, that happen with something like this. But just learn to accept God's grace. Learn to be patient with yourself. Learn to be patient with others. Weep when you're weeping. Rejoice when you're rejoicing. All of that good stuff. And so we hope that this has been helpful to you. If statistics are true, I mean, most couples, most women will experience a miscarriage or an infant loss of some kind. Most couples will. And so you may experience it in your future. You may have already experienced it. Most likely, someone around you will go through it. And so hopefully, these principles, these ideas can maybe help you as you Maybe seek to grow yourself or seek to minister to someone around you. And of course, we're here to walk with you in your grief, to rejoice with you, to weep with you. If you've got any questions, any comments, concerns, night remarks, all of that fun stuff, just let us know. We really are here to help and to talk and to pray with you. And don't hesitate to reach out, I guess. I'll go ahead and close this out a couple minutes early. I'll go ahead and close this out in prayer and then we'll be dismissed. Heavenly Father, we thank you for this day and for this time. Just to consider your words and principles from it and how they apply to the situation of miscarriage and infant loss. I pray for those who are in here, God. So many of us have already experienced this and so many of us will or will know those who do. And I pray that you would just help us to to lean on you for your strength, for your wisdom in situations like that. Help us to love those around us and to be patient with ourselves as we suffer through issues like this. Just pray that you would bless us as we go from here. In your name we pray, amen.