Would you turn in your Bibles tonight to the book of 1 Corinthians chapter 7, and this evening we're going to start just a little bit of a series within a series for a couple of weeks here. And as you know, we've been preaching through the book of 1 Corinthians verse by verse, and we're going to continue doing so. But there is a, I wanna insert a little parenthesis here for a couple of messages in chapter seven before we go on too much farther in chapter seven. And I alerted you to this last week. And I'd like to speak a little bit about some of the things, some of the Bible principles that we can find relating to the manner in which you should get to the marriage altar, the way that we should see especially young people coming together and then preparing themselves for marriage and, of course, getting married and all that goes along with that. And so, as we come to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, Of course, chapter 6 was dealing with, there towards the end of the chapter specifically, was dealing with some of the sins of fornication that were very rampant in the Corinthian culture, and the Christians there, the believers who were members of the church at Corinth, were affected by that. I think it goes without saying tonight that we live in a sexually charged world. It's all around us. There is temptation on every hand and it seems like this issue is constantly thrust into our attention so that people are always talking about these sorts of things. You can't go through the grocery store line without seeing something that speaks about this issue. And as we think about that, It reminds me that the world we live in must be very similar to the world that the Corinthian believers lived in and that Paul was writing to concerning these things. I see, for instance, that our world, there's a lot of sexual temptation on every hand. I see that our world is full of illustrations that from which we could draw some practical wisdom about the dangers of selfishness that is just running rampant in our society. And we see this like in the news and all these sorts of things coming to our attention. And we also see a lot of bad examples in our society about how to handle temptation and issues of purity. And the world at large, in other words, is not really a good example. And as believers, we should be careful that we're not aping the world, or that we're not mimicking what the world is doing, because it's likely that we're going to end up down the wrong road, particularly in this area. Now, here, let's direct our attention real quickly to chapter 7, verses 1 and 2. Tonight, the study, we're going to start here in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, but the study is going to be more topical in nature. We're going to tie in a lot of other verses, and we're going to speak about a number of things. Tonight, specifically, I'm dealing with this subject, dating is not the answer. And I'll explain what I mean by that and where I'm going. And if you're a little bit hesitant about what I'm about to say, I want you just to dial back your reservations a little bit and let's look at the scriptures and let's see what God has to say. Let's approach this with a scriptural and spiritual mind and make sure that we're not just thinking according to what we like or what we've done or what we prefer, but let's really try to see what God has to say for Himself. In verse 1 of 1 Corinthians chapter 7, Paul says, now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." And so we see very clearly in the text that marriage is a good thing. Marriage is recommended by God. Now, I'm going to put a disclaimer or a limiter on that. Marriage is not for everyone. And there are people that God has designed and has given the ability and what Paul refers to as a gift of remaining single, faithfully single, pure, and serving the Lord. So right now, let's think about this. We need to be very careful that we do not put expectations on every person that if you're not married, there's something wrong with you. Okay, because the Bible is very clear about this, and we're going to deal with this in a later message, that there are people, and Paul actually says that it's a good thing if you're able to remain single and serve the Lord, there's benefits to that, and Paul himself was speaking from that perspective. So, but, in general, we see that marriage is a good thing. And for the majority of people, marriage is in their future. It's something that most people are, especially young people, are saying, well one day I will likely get married and have a family of my own. Now, In spite of the fact that Paul is stressing that marriage is a good thing and that it's generally recommended by God, there is also a decided emphasis in this passage that there are different aspects that relate to physical relationships between men and women that are not good. There are things, and Paul is pointing these things out in the culture in Corinth and saying these things are not good, and these things should not be examples. These things are not things that Christians should be participating in. And if that was true in Corinth, it's still true today. If marriage is a good thing, then we have to ask ourselves, is there any wisdom in the Bible about getting to the marriage altar? Now clearly, there's examples in the Bible which are not necessarily to be used as examples, or we could say didactic. So we're not necessarily going to be able, for instance, Jacob You know how that worked out, right? He went and he bargained with Laban for Rachel, who he really wanted to marry, and then his father-in-law pulled a fast one on him on his wedding night and gave him Rachel's sister Leah instead, and he didn't figure out until the morning that he was duped. And all of a sudden he realized, hey, that's not the girl that I wanted to marry. And so you know what Jacob did? He went back to Laban and he said, what happened here? Why did you do that to me? Well, she's the older sister and she needed to be married before her younger sister. And Jacob said, okay, well, I want her sister too. So now we have Jacob with two wives, Rachel and Leah, as well as later two concubines by whom he had children, and we look at that, and listen, it's in the Bible, but that's not an example. So, you know, Fellas, if you get somebody married to her and you say, she's not the one for me, don't go out and get another one and add to that. Because what did Jacob get then? Trouble. He had all kinds of problems in his family, all kinds of jealousies and difficulties. And the Bible just tells us how it is. It's not using it as an example. In the book of Judges, the last chapter of the book of Judges, we read about some of the men of Benjamin, and there was a terrible sin that had taken place, and so all of the people of Israel made a pledge, they were not going to allow their daughters to be married to any of the sons of Benjamin, and then everybody, I mean in the rashness of the moment, they made this pledge, and then everybody got together and they said, now what are we going to do? Because if nobody gives their daughters in marriage to the men of Benjamin, they're not going to get married, they're not going to have children, and the tribe of Benjamin is going to cease to exist. So what are we going to do? And so they came up with some creative ideas, one of which was to recommend to the men of Benjamin that there was a yearly gathering of virgins from the town of Shiloh. And so they advised the men of Benjamin to go and hide in the bushes and wait for the virgins from Shiloh to come out into the vineyards and then just find one that they liked and nab them and take them home. And they said, we'll talk to their dads and we'll work it out with their dads and smooth everything over. So if any of you fellas have any ideas about that, not a good idea. Okay? That's not going to work out. That's kidnapping. And you go to prison for that. That's assault in our country. It worked in the time of judges because every man did that which was right in his own eyes. Not a biblical example for how to get a wife. Samson, in the book of Judges, he wanted a wife, and so he found a woman who was Philistine, and the Bible says that she pleased him well. And he went to his parents and he said, get her for me. I want her. and his parents tried to talk him out of it, he wouldn't be dissuaded, so his parents, they did, they went and they talked to her parents, and a marriage was arranged. Of course, you know that God and His providence did not allow that marriage to take place, and then God used that as an occasion for Samson to have ought against the Philistines, and the result of that was a number of Philistines were killed. But again, not a good example for how to get to the marriage altar. But as we think about this subject, we do say, okay, the Bible must have some counsel or some wisdom for us in this very important area. Now, it's true tonight, the Bible does not have a passage with a step-by-step progression saying, do this, do this, do this, do this, and you'll get to the marriage altar successfully. However, I believe in the scriptures, there are principles that we can observe, which do relate to this important area of decision. It's been said that if you get married, it is the second most important decision in your life, because who you marry is going to have a profound effect on the rest of your life. Now, as we think about the scriptures, and we're gonna look at some things from the scriptures here in a moment, I wanna hold up against that a cultural paradigm or a cultural way of looking at how people get to the marriage altar, which today we call dating. And dating, the first date of a young person, of a child really, is in our society considered to be kind of like a rite of passage. And so typically in our society, most young people start dating, in a very awkward sense dating, around maybe 11 or 12 or 13 years old, somewhere around there. So in middle school, people are starting to get paired up and they're starting to find, the fellows are looking and they're finding someone that they think is cute and And the girls are trying to find a fella who they think is going to be their Mr. Somebody, their Prince Charming that's going to take them off into the sunset, which is very difficult to do when you're looking at 12 and 13 year old boys. I just had to throw that in there because 12 and 13 year old boys are are going through some serious life changes, and they're trying to figure out, like, which way to part their hair, let alone whether they're going to be Prince Charming. But we see this in our society, and a lot of people see this as a rite of passage, and even adults looking on, they say, oh, it's really cute, and, oh, it's very endearing. But really, tonight, let's think about this. Is it really wise to participate in that and should Christians be participating in a dating culture which today I would say has gone completely mad and now we see a lot of negative consequences in our society. When we're handing out birth control in middle school, we have a problem, a serious problem. And you do know that that is true. And if a middle schooler goes to the counselor and tells the counselor, a middle school girl, that they're pregnant but they don't want their parents to know, then that counselor is bound by law not to tell their parents and that little girl could get an abortion without her parents ever knowing. That is the reality of our country right now. And this is, and I'm not saying that it's all related to the dating paradigm. I'm saying that it has something to do with it. Now, when we think about dating typically, Dating is typically understood to be a temporary relationship between two people. I have in my notes between a male and a female, even that's up for grabs today. But let's just tonight, let's presume that it's between a male and a female. And the main purpose of dating really is social enjoyment. It's more just having a good time, going to some kind of a function together, all the different ways that it's described, going steady, passing notes. Of course, passing notes is so my generation. Now you friend each other on Facebook and send private messages and you get a Snapchat account and you send pictures to each other and that sort of a thing. And so of course there's all kinds of problems that come along with that new frontier of dating, but really Dating may or may not end up in a serious relationship and marriage, but actually that's not the goal of most people who are dating anyway, especially younger people who are dating. It's more just for the enjoyment and for the good time. It's undeniable today that dating often has a sexual connotation with no commitment needed. And what unfortunately happens is that many young people grow up having multiple partners and because of this we have a proliferation of diseases and other kind of problems that are rampant in our society. So when I take my 12-year-old daughter to the doctor, and the doctor is trying to strong-arm me into giving my daughter a vaccine to protect her from venereal diseases. We have a problem in our society. We have something, and when you explain, well, that's not something we're interested in, it's not something we need, it's not a problem in our home, they look at you like, yeah, right. You gotta be kidding me. So, typically there is a connotation to dating, and today there's many different approaches to dating. The proliferation of dating websites and apps has really widened the playing field, and so people are getting involved in all sorts of relationships, even around the world and cross-country and all that sort of a thing. So, this evening we wanna ask the question, is dating as an approach to get to the marriage altar, is dating wise for a Christian? Is it wise for young people? And, of course, you know, by the title of my message, and if you've been around here long enough, that we teach and preach against dating, and we encourage our young people not to get involved in dating. And as long as I'm the pastor of this church, that's how it's going to be. And so, you know, if folks get uncomfortable about that, then that's actually something that I feel really strongly about, especially with our teenagers. And so we're just going to hold to that in our school. We insist on that. And so you know that. But you know, some people have said, well, you know, if you don't date, well, then how are you going to get married? And of course, growing up, I was asked that question a lot by well-meaning relatives. You don't have a girlfriend? I mean, you're 16. You don't have a girlfriend yet? I mean, I'm 16 and I'm thinking, why would I want a girlfriend? I'm busy playing sports and doing other stuff. But you see, to them, that was abnormal. That was weird that a 16-year-old wasn't going steady with somebody and wasn't seriously involved in preparing for marriage. Now, I look at it the other way and I think it's weird for a 16-year-old to be thinking about marriage because they're just not ready yet. At that point, we don't live on the frontier anymore, and it's a little bit different today. So, you're familiar with the fact that I do, and here in our ministries, we discourage that, and we don't allow that sort of relationships to flourish in our youth group and in our school, but it's possible that you're not familiar with why. And so tonight, I want to give you a handful of reasons about why I believe that dating is not wise. Now, okay, before we get started, if you have dated in the past, I'm not mad at you. And if you decide in the future, as long as you're not in the Christian school or something, you know, Hey, listen, you have to make your choices. I'm not upset with you, but I do want to present to you some scriptural reasons why I believe that it's not wise for our young people particularly to be involved in dating. And I do believe that there's a better way, which we'll try to talk about in the future. So the first reason that I believe that dating is not really the answer is because I believe that dating as a system, and I'm speaking very generally tonight, but I believe that dating stresses the physical over the spiritual. And I want you to go ahead and turn in your Bibles to Proverbs chapter 31 and verse number 30. Proverbs chapter 31 and verse number 30. Dating is more about finding a good match. And what most people think of when they think of a good match is physical compatibility. I've actually heard people say things as ridiculous as, you wouldn't buy a car without test driving it, so why would you marry someone without having a test drive? Which is ridiculous and it's sinful and it's ungodly. But I want you to see something in Proverbs chapter 31, verse 30. Here, Solomon writes these words, favor is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. So when we think about this verse, we see something right away about what is really important. And what is really important or what is most important is not physical beauty. Now, Take heart, fellas, I'm not saying that it has nothing to do with it. And we can all be thankful that the ladies are much better looking than us fellas are. And so all the fellas should say amen right there and be thankful for that. God created variety in his creation. He created male and female. However, dating puts a strong emphasis on how do I look with her? How do we look together? I remember a number of years ago a young man who was in this church, and at the time he was dating three girls at the same time. Somehow he kept them all in the dark about the fact that he was dating two others, but his question was, which one looks better with me? That's carnal. That's ungodly. And by the way, it's very demeaning to those girls. Because there's something that is much more important, and beauty is only skin deep. Beauty passes away. We find that beauty is something that is very shallow. Many people who get married or establish some kind of a relationship based on beauty, it's not long down the road that they regret that because they didn't take time to dig deep and find out what kind of a person they were establishing a relationship with. So guys are often looking for an attractive girl, and girls are looking for a prince charming. And these ideas are promoted in books and movies, and if you watch chick flicks, I don't recommend it. But if you do, if you watch chick flicks, if you read romance novels, girls, you know, there's going to be some Prince Charming who's going to come and take you off into the sunset. Now, I am my wife's Prince Charming, but it's highly unlikely that there's many others in the world. Thank you for laughing. If you ask her, I hope she tells you that I'm her Prince Charming. But you know what the truth is, many people in dating relationships are looking for something that is physical. They have this idea because of what they've seen in movies and books that if you find the right match, if you find your soulmate, there will never be any problems. You'll always get along. You'll live in a constant state of happiness. She'll wake up with her makeup done and her hair curled every morning. It's always going to be perfect, sunshine and roses. And the reality is that that's not real life. And then these people become very disillusioned when they realize that real life is different than that. when they realize that actually the happily ever after ending rarely comes. That in a real relationship between a man and a woman who get married, there's conflicts, there's disagreements, there's things that have to be worked out, there's different points of view, and you have to learn to work through those things. But if you've stressed the physical over the spiritual, so girls, just because a guy is buff, doesn't mean anything. Actually, he might not be able to hold down a job. That would actually one day be a lot more important to you than whether his biceps are 14 inches around. Just throwing that out there. So TV and movie stars today are put forward to us as examples, aren't they? We see them all the time in the news and they're always talking about their latest relationship status. How many of us don't know that Brangelina is getting a divorce? that they're fighting over the kids. It's in the news. It's all over the place. It's right there in front of our faces as we go through the grocery store line. If you read the headlines, it's right in there like it's the most important thing along with nuclear war with Korea. A couple of movie stars are getting a divorce from each other. And this is what is put forward to us as an example. And because people saw them act in a movie like some kind of a loyal lover, or because they're attractive, we expect them to know something about strong relationships. The truth is, people in the show business don't know diddly squat about strong relationships most of the time. Most of the time they're so selfish they can't get along with themselves, let alone someone else, which is why they go through marriage partners like some people change wardrobes of clothes. And so they're not a good example, but what we look at and we see is, oh, these two beautiful people got together, and that's what I want in my life. So in dating situations, many people are looking for a good match, but they rarely consider spiritual matters, or even important matters, like their work ethic. their relationship with their parents, a compatibility or unity of thinking. Why? Because we're so focused on the physical. Are they cute? What do other people think about them? And so dating, by and large, puts an emphasis on the physical instead of the spiritual. I don't believe that that's wise. Second of all, I don't believe dating is the answer because I believe it starts too young. It starts too young. Because dating is seen, and you can turn to chapter 24 of Proverbs, because dating is seen as something that is cute. We see even parents encouraging young children to get involved in these little romantic relationships. So I'll just give you a hint. Don't try to match my kids up with your kids, or we're gonna have a conversation, all right? So that's just free. They're not old enough to worry about being married, and we're gonna wait until they're ready for that before we start talking about those things. Now, we're talking about those things with them to make sure we have their heart. But let's not start picking out life mates when they're 10. It starts too young. Why are we encouraging young people, even teenagers who are still in high school, to pursue serious relationships when they're not ready to be married? Somehow we think it's harmless fun for a boy and a girl to be going out, even though neither one of them is remotely near to being ready for marriage. So, in Proverbs 24 and 27, a very interesting verse, it says this, "...prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself in the field, and afterwards build thine house." Now, in the context here, the word house is not primarily speaking about the structure in which you live, but it's speaking about a family. And so, I believe it's wise for a young man, before he starts to look for a wife, to figure out A, what he's doing with his life, and B, how he is going to support a wife and children. That's actually just practical wisdom. You probably all have heard the country song, Livin' on Love, But it's hard to go shopping at the grocery store with love checks. They don't accept those. And so, if you want your children to eat, you actually, I think as a dad with a couple of daughters, that one of the first things that I want to know if a young man comes to talk to me is, so what are you going to do with your life? What are you planning on doing with your life? And what I want to hear more than how much money they're going to make is, is their heart ready to serve the Lord? So, I believe that dating starts way too young. This is why we don't allow dating in our Christian school. It's why we discourage it at our youth activities, because these young people aren't ready to be thinking about marriage. Now a young lady, let's talk about that for a moment, a young lady should be preparing herself, the Bible says that a wife should be a keeper at home, and she should be busying herself in the service of the Lord. She may be pursuing an education, she may be working a job, and all of these things are preparation in her life. But dating often starts much too young. What happens is when you start a relationship with someone before you're ready to be married, it's just gonna cause you a lot of frustration, undue temptation, and get this, distraction from your priorities. So as a general rule, I think high school students should be focused on going to high school. I think they should be working on their algebra homework and making sure that they're completing their assignments for the next day and not getting caught up in all of these romantic entanglements, most of which are not going to end up anywhere anyway. I know, I know. Some of you have heard the story about somebody who married their high school sweetheart. It does happen. It doesn't happen very often. There's a lot more stories of broken hearts of high school sweethearts than there are people who married their high school sweetheart. It does happen, though, but I think we need to be careful that we are not allowing this to start too young, because there is preparation that needs to take place. Now, there's physical preparation, but there's spiritual preparation. And actually, the spiritual preparation is more important than the physical preparation. Because spiritually, if a young man comes and says, Pastor, you know, I'm really praying about something, and I'm thinking about pursuing a relationship, and I'd like your counsel. One of the first questions I ask is, how's your walk with God? Are you ready to be a leader of a home? Are you ready to provide spiritual leadership to a wife? Are you ready to raise children in the fear and admonition of the Lord? Because if you're not, you're not ready to start pursuing a relationship. You're not at that point yet. That's a very important part of this preparation. And so, I believe that dating starts too young. And the reason it starts so young is because we don't want them to miss out on something, or they don't want to miss out on something, and everybody else is doing it, and, you know, I'm gonna be weird if I don't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, and all those sorts of things. A third reason why I believe dating is not the answer, and turn in your Bibles to Exodus chapter 20, Exodus chapter 20, and verse number 12, And I want you to understand this third of all. I believe dating is not the answer because typically dating is done away and out from under the supervision of authority. So dating as it's typically understood and described in our country is something where, mom, dad, this is my thing. This is my girlfriend. This is my boyfriend. This is our relationship. Hey, butt out, leave us alone. And that's not how it ought to be. In Exodus chapter 20 and verse number 12, the scripture says this, honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. And so we find that there is an obligation of children who are under the authority of their parents to honor their parents. I don't know, there could be an exception, but I don't know if I've ever seen a situation where the parents were not giving their blessing and their approval of the marriage relationship where it didn't end up later in some kind of heartache for that couple who got married, in some kind of difficulty. So I think even if your parents are not saved, Your parents, you really want them to be on board if you're hoping to keep a relationship with them. Now, I know there's weird situations. I know there's out the window kind of situations, but generally speaking, I believe it's important to have authorities involved in making this, which is one of life's most important decisions. I mean, why would you not want your parents to be involved in this important decision? And the only reason is because, well, that's not the way the world does it. I mean, dating is not something... You want to weird people out. Tell them, we're going on a double date and we're bringing mom and dad with us. What? What kind of a weirdo are you? Now, why? Why would it be that way? It shouldn't be that way. That's not how it ought to be. But typically, dating is something that is away from the supervision of authorities. We find that oftentimes, dating is something that is done quietly or privately. It's hid. It's kept under covers. And then all of a sudden, it comes out, and mom and dad are surprised by it. And this is not the way that it ought to be. Now think about this as parents. Why would you take a young man, why would you take your son and a girl that he's interested in, both of whom are struggling with temptation already in their life, both of whom are immature, and then put them in an environment where they are alone with each other? It's just not wise. You're going to end up with consequences or with things that will become regrets down the road. And I believe that as parents you have to be really proactive about this. I believe it's important to have your children's heart and to know what's going on in their life. It is generally unwise for a man and a woman to be alone together if they're not married. By the way, that's a rule that I abide by as a married man with six children. I'm not alone with women other than my wife. That's just not something that I do. When I have a counseling appointment and my wife cannot be there, I only counsel in a public area. I only counsel in a place where people can see me. Why? Because temptation is real. Because we don't trust our flesh, we don't give occasion to our flesh. I believe that dating, because of the fact that it's removed from the supervision of authorities, is something that gives too much occasion to the flesh. A fourth reason why I believe that dating is not the answer, and you can turn in your Bibles to 1 Thessalonians chapter four, is because dating as a system really thrives on defrauding. I'll explain what I mean by that in a moment, but in 1 Thessalonians chapter 4, in the context of 1 Thessalonians 4, The Apostle Paul is speaking about sexual purity of the believers in the church at Thessalonica. And he says in verse number 6, well we should back up to verse number 4 to get the greater context. He says that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor. What's the vessel? It's the body, alright, so your body. "...not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God." So the world has a way of doing things, they have a way of conducting themselves and their body, and that way is marked by lust and desire. that no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter. Because that the Lord is the avenger of all such as we also have forewarned you and testified." So I said that one of the reasons that I'm not in agreement with dating, I don't believe dating is the answer, is because dating as a system thrives on defrauding. The word defraud has the idea of taking advantage of someone by deceit or fraud. In the dating context, it is to show attention, affection, and acceptance and love in the hopes that you will get something in return, knowing that you're going to walk away in just a little bit of time. Now, in my opinion, that's defrauding. That is wrong. Many young men, sadly, in our world today are looking for how many girls they can score. They're keeping track. They're keeping track of how many they've spent time with. And I believe that this is taking advantage or playing with the emotions of a young woman. Now, we know that that's true in a physical sense, but I believe in an emotional sense this is also true. And so you ought to be very careful about manipulating or defrauding the emotions of another person who is also a believer in Jesus Christ. If this is just something that you're playing around with and you're just kind of enjoying it and you're having a good time and then you're figuring, well, it's no big deal, I'll just walk away and find another one. That's not right. That's defrauding. Now Paul is talking in the context here about physically defrauding. He's talking about taking the purity of another believer and then walking away, somehow cheating them in that way. That would be wrong. That would be ungodly. And what does he say there in verse number six? Who is the avenger of those who behave in this manner? The Lord. The Lord is the one who's going to settle the score. If you get involved in this, you be sure that the Lord is going to settle the score in your life. And one day you're going to look back on it and you're going to say, I got what I deserved. God took vengeance on me. Now, physical defrauding is trying to touch, see, or otherwise take advantage of the other person. Understand this tonight, the physically intimate relationship is reserved for marriage for a good biblical reason. One huge problem that is going on in our world right now is ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends who share, after they have broken up, who share intimate pictures with their former partner to all of their friends as a form of revenge. It's a huge problem in the school systems, and it's something that law enforcement is trying to grapple with. It's all over the place. Well, here's the solution to that. Don't allow that type of physical intimacy. That is out of bounds. That is defrauding to the nth degree. Emotional defrauding is playing with the emotions to see what you can get out of the other person. It's trying to find secrets which might later be shared to damage or to hurt that person. And sadly, some people enjoy the emotional manipulation and drama that's typically associated with dating. But I don't think it's right. I don't think it's godly, and I don't think it's glorifying to God. And so I believe that dating is not the answer because it thrives on defrauding. Are you still with me tonight? Okay. A fifth reason why I believe dating is not the answer is because I believe it promotes division. Romans chapter 12. Turn with me in your Bibles. There are many verses in the New Testament epistles which speak about the importance of unity within the body, specifically within the Lord's church. In Romans chapter 12, verse 9 and 10, we find the type of attitude that should be a characteristic of those who are members of the Lord's assembly. He says there in verse number 9, let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil, cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love in honor preferring one another. Now, that's a very interesting verse in verse number 10, which has wide application and ramifications in our lives, not just in the area that we're speaking about tonight. But one of the things that I've observed in a place where dating is promoted and where it is permitted, and it's something that's just a part of the culture, is that dating ends up promoting division. So let's say a youth group, and this is one of the primary reasons why we just say, not happening, we don't want it. Because it promotes division. So let's say Johnny decides he likes Susie. And Johnny and Susie, they're going steady. And so at lunch, they sit together, and they talk with each other, and they pass notes. And whenever they see each other in the hall, they go, hi. And everybody knows they're together. So, no other boys are really allowed to talk to Susie, because then Johnny would be upset, because somebody's trying to get his girl. But then Johnny and Susie got upset with each other, and Susie decided that Johnny wasn't being nice enough to her, and Johnny decided that he didn't need a girl like Susie anyway, and so they decided, we're going our separate ways. And so now Johnny says, I don't like Susie anymore. But you know, Katie over there, I think Katie, I like her a lot. And so he goes, and now he's dating her. And now Katie doesn't like Susie because Johnny used to be with Susie. You see how messy this gets? And then he breaks up with Katie because, you know, they just weren't compatible with each other. But it's really, you know, they didn't like each other, and they decided that that wasn't good. And so then he goes and he finds Hepzibah, and it's a good Bible name, and he starts dating Hepzibah. And now we've got all of this mess. Then you add another boy who starts dating Susie, and then he decides that he doesn't like Susie, and what a mess. And now all of a sudden, in a youth group, you've got people taking sides. You've got girls saying, well, that guy is this, and that girl is this, and hey, that's my boyfriend, keep your hands off of him, stay away from him, don't you be talking to him. And all this division is taking place among people who aren't even ready to get married. So, promoting division is not a good thing. Dating, I believe, can develop a competition mindset among young people, And when couples break up, friends are encouraged to take sides and affix blame. And ex-boyfriends and girlfriends usually have emotional splits when they break up that are very hurtful and end up with a great deal of bitterness. And how sad it would be if we had young people in our church who didn't wanna see other young people in our church when they come to church because they used to date them or they used to be going steady with them and then their heart got broken and they're mad at them. And so now they come to church and they're not listening to the preaching, they're thinking about how much they can't stand that person across the room. And this is not healthy, this is not good. Especially when we're talking about young people, again, who are not even ready to get married. So it promotes division. Instead, let me just throw this out there. Shouldn't we be praying for one another? Shouldn't we be striving together to find and fulfill the will of God in every area, including marriage? I believe we should. Even our young people should be exercising this same type of a desire, saying, I want God's will for my life, and I want God's will for your life, and so let's just pray for one another, let's encourage one another, let's wait on God, and let's not have a competition about who's dating who. So I say, I don't like dating because it promotes division. It causes hurts. A sixth reason why I don't like dating is because I believe dating encourages temporary relationships. Matthew chapter 19, turn there with me to Matthew chapter 19. Verse five and six. The Pharisees are tempting Jesus and they're asking him a question regarding divorce. And so in Matthew chapter 19 verse five and six, Jesus is speaking about what God has said. We really should back up to verse four. He answered and said unto them, have you not read that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female? Now who would have thought that we would have to be that specific? But today we do. Alright, so we're going to be that specific. Jesus was that specific in His ministry, and so we can be that specific. And said, by the way, that's a good answer for people who say Jesus never taught against unnatural affection. He did, he quoted the Old Testament law, which spoke about male and female, all right? So that's free, that's just extra in the message. Verse five, and said, for this cause shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore they are no more twain but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. So one thing that we need to understand is that God's intention for marriage is that it's one man and one woman for life. Never to part. That is God's intention. Now I know we live in a broken society. I know that sin affects people's life. I know that some of you are in this room and you could give testimony of that in your own life and some of the hurt and some of the brokenness that's come in your life because of some of these things. But understand this, God's ideal plan is one man, one woman for life. And we want to help our young people to understand that when they get married, when they give their heart to their spouse, it's going to be for the rest of their life. When I stood on this platform and promised to my wife that I was giving myself to her refusing divorce as an option, I really meant it. That was actually, I really thought about those words, and I pondered those words, and I really intend to keep those words. Some people have suggested that dating is training for divorce. Because in a dating relationship, when there's a disagreement or a problem, you just break up and you go find somebody else. And sadly, there's many people who carry this over to their marriage relationship as well. And they're not willing to work things out. Now, today we have, and understand, there's actually some positive news and some negative news. So the positive news is divorce rates in the United States of America are down. So they're no longer 50% actually, they're much better than that. The bad news is cohabitation rates are up. And what we mean by cohabitation is two people who decide to live together and enjoy one another in physical intimacy as if they were husband and wife without the commitment of marriage. So what's not showing up on the divorce rates is the number of those relationships that are breaking up, which is equally painful. It's very difficult because they have become very intimate with one another and then they are taken apart and they're no longer together. And so we see that dating, I call cohabitation dating on steroids. because it's a terrible situation that often ends in disaster. Now, sometimes people who have lived together end up getting married and having a Christ-honoring marriage, and praise God for that. Praise God that God is able to redeem the bad choices that people make, but this is not God's pattern for sure. And I believe that if we encourage dating, it encourages our young people, well, you know, just get together and break up and get together and break up, and that's not a good model. I've noticed, having been married now for 14 years, I had to think for a moment, for 14 years this past August, that having a successful marriage over the long term is hard work. That it always involves biblical conflict resolution. That sometimes there are difficulties that loving couples face in their lives and they have to work through those to the glory of God. If your attitude is just, when there's a problem, I'll just check out and go find somebody else, that's a bad paradigm, that's a bad model because there will be problems. I tell couples when we're involved in premarital counseling, preparing them for marriage, I often say to them, don't get in your mind that there won't be any problems because there will be problems. Now they always look at me like, come on. We're so in love. Now, they never say that, but I can see it in their eyes. We're so in love. We're never going to have an argument. We're never going to have a disagreement. And in my mind, I'm thinking, yes, you will, because I know both of you are sinners, and the time is coming when somebody's going to step on somebody's toes, and there's going to be conflict resolution. So we're going to help them to understand a biblical model of how to work those things out. I believe as parents we should be teaching our children how to deal properly with disagreements with siblings and friends. And we should be modeling good conflict resolution in our own marriage so that our children are equipped, when they get married, to deal biblically with conflicts and problems that take place. So, tonight, I've said, I don't believe that dating is the answer. Now, God doesn't say in the Bible, thou shalt not date. I'll admit that. But I believe that dating as it is presented to us in the world violates a number of scriptural principles, and I believe that it's unwise, and I believe that it can end up in difficulty in the future. Tonight, I am not suggesting that there is any foolproof method to get to the marriage altar. I'm not suggesting that if you do it following these three steps, you're absolutely guaranteed to never have problems. Why? Because no matter what we talk about, we're dealing with people who are sinners. And so sin always has the capacity to derail the process. So I'm not saying if you do it this way, you know that I believe in, and what I'm going to attempt to teach you are some principles of betrothal, which is a Bible word. I believe that that's a biblical model, and I'm gonna try to show that to you. But I'm not gonna say to you, if you follow this model, that you'll never have any problems, you'll never have any heartaches, and everything is gonna work out exactly right. I'm not gonna tell you that. because there is the capacity for sin to attack any relationship, no matter how carefully it was put together. I'm also not suggesting tonight that it's impossible for someone who dated to have a Christ-honoring marriage. A number of you who are here never heard the principles about dating or the biblical principles about how to get to the marriage altar. You just did it the way that everybody else around you did it, and you tried to be careful to honor the Lord, and maybe you didn't even try to be careful to honor the Lord. Maybe you weren't even saved, but you got married and here you are, and you know what? God is able to redeem our past He's able to help us to have successful marriages in the place where we are. Some of you who are here tonight are divorced and remarried, and I'm not against you. Because tonight, I think God wants you to have a successful marriage in the place where you are. Okay, the past is in the past. There's hurt, there's heartache, there's difficulty. We definitely don't want our kids to go down that path. But I believe it's God's will for you to have a strong marriage in the place where you find yourself right now. Some people have said, well, I think I might have married the wrong person. No, you didn't marry the wrong person. You know how I know? Because you're married to him. So it's God's will for you to stay married to him. Do the best that you can. All right? All right. I am suggesting tonight, however, that this model of dating that we see in the world has many pitfalls which God's children should be avoiding. And I believe there's a better way. Now, back in our text, real quickly and then I'm done. 1 Corinthians 7, Paul says in verse 2, "...nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." This is a good model. It's generally speaking, it's a good idea for people to get married. And for them to get married with the purpose of raising up a godly seed. We believe that. We believe in family. So some people have said, you don't believe in dating, you must not believe in marriage. You're against people getting married. No, I'm not. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'm married, and I'm pretty happy about being married. And I think, generally speaking, that a lot of our young people are going to get married, and God's going to bless them in that way. If they put the Lord first, they're going to get married, and God's going to... And isn't it a joy to see young couples getting married and starting families? And sometimes, I was talking with Brother Barr about this the other night. We come in this auditorium before services, and there's kids everywhere. And we say, praise the Lord. Praise the Lord. Because we're trying to raise up children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. We want our children to go on and serve the Lord, but we do want to be careful. We do want to be careful that we are preparing our children for this very important decision. So, we're not against marriage because we're saying that dating is not the best way. No, we're going to try to find a better way from the Bible. Something that would be Christ-honoring, something that would be in line with biblical principles, and something that will be helpful. Now, in this series, what I'm not going to do, I'm not going to deal with every practical question that has to do with this, because there's so many different nuances and different ways to seek after these things. What we are going to do is deal with some clear Bible principles, which I think will help to guide these relationships, whatever you call it. dating, courtship, betrothal, whatever you call it, let's make sure that we follow biblical principles. And I believe tonight that what the world presents to us as dating breaks those principles, and therefore we should turn aside from it and we should seek a better way. Let's all stand together. We're not gonna have the musicians play or anything like that. Every head is bowed and every eye is closed. And I'm just gonna give you a moment to reflect on what I've said tonight. Maybe some of you young people are processing some of this. It's been a long time since we've preached on this. Maybe you're processing some of it. Maybe some of you parents are trying to come to grips with some of these things. But tonight, would you just agree with me in prayer to allow your heart to be open to what God has. Say, Lord, would you teach me from your word? Would you help us as a family to prepare our children in this very important area? Would you tonight make that commitment before the Lord? Maybe you say, Pastor, I'm not sure that I totally agree with you. That's fine. You don't have to agree with me, but will you at least be open to see what God has to say? Will you be open to what the scriptures have for you? Lord, would you help us as a church family in this area? I know. I know that this is one of those areas where because the world does things a certain way, and we are so far removed from the way that the world does it, it can cause us to feel very strange, very much like we don't really fit with this world. And Lord, I remember very distinctly that feeling when I was unmarried. And I remember being asked some very strange questions and people not understanding the commitment that I made. But Lord, I pray that you'd help our families and our young people to determine that if they see it in your word, that they're going to be determined to do it that way. I pray that you would help us to resolve as, especially those of us who are parents raising children, to begin preparing our children for this very important decision that may be coming in their future, that you would help us to have the wisdom of God, and most of all, that you would help us as parents to really work hard to keep our children's hearts. Lord, I pray that you would help us in this area as a church family. I pray that you would help our church to be unified in this, and I pray that you would help us to work together, praying for our young people and praying diligently that God would bring about His will in their individual lives. May you be glorified, Lord, as we seek to follow your Word and to put you first in these areas. Thank you for the wisdom of God's Word and help us, Lord, especially help us to be very diligent, to avoid fornication, and to teach our children to avoid fornication, because we know that it's so destructive and so hurtful in a person's life. Now go with us as we leave from this place. Help us to glorify you in our fellowship with one another. Help us this week to be witnesses for the Lord Jesus Christ, and we pray and ask all these things in Jesus' name and for his sake, amen.