Genesis chapter 2 verse 24. The word of God says, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave on to his wife, and they shall be one flesh. Amen. We know the Lord will add his blessing to the reading of his word. When God instituted marriage, God was teaching that the marriage union between one man and one woman is a covenant bond. Marriage is for a lifetime and must be entered into prayerfully and carefully. Having a successful marriage is more than finding and having the right person. You see, many marriages start off right and end up wrong. There are people who have found the right person, married the right person, but they went wrong in their marriage. I was talking to some of the young people between the services and they have learnt now as they've grown up in life and now they're in school or finished in school, now they're getting jobs. They've realised that now with that Changes has now come in place in their life that they didn't have before. And it's the same. There are a lot of changes that come with marriage, such as relationships, responsibilities, priorities, lifestyle, as marriage demands giving and receiving. And that brings us to our subject today, how to become one. Because God's purpose is when he brings a man and a woman together in marriage, that they shall be one flesh. Or the words can also read, they shall become one flesh. The words one flesh, while they certainly include the natural intimacy within a marriage between a husband and a wife, yet they mean much more. The word flesh in scripture can at times refer to the whole person or the animal. Thinking of Genesis chapter 6 verse 17, Genesis 7 verse 22, and Genesis chapter 8 verse 21, And so the focus here as we're thinking upon humanity is that we're thinking of the whole person. Since Adam and Eve are in view, Genesis chapter 2 verse 24, then this passage and this context is not referring to human skin whenever it means flesh. but rather flesh, referring to the whole person, or to people. When God said of the man and the woman in marriage, they shall be one flesh, he is saying they shall be one person, or they shall become one person. so that it's no more two single people living single lives, but they join to make one person, one union, united as one, having the same mind and the same purpose as God in marriage. It is the unity of husband and wife in few. The Lord Jesus said in Matthew chapter 19 verse 6, Wherefore, they are no more twin, but one flesh. that therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. Now that doesn't mean to agree on every single thing, rather it means the relationship, the roles and responsibilities God has given the husband and the wife to perform. are to be done as one, one mind together, doing the will of God from the heart. The husband loves and leads his wife and the wife submits and honors her husband. That's why Paul said in Ephesians chapter 5 verse 31, for this cause and the words for this cause means for this purpose or on account of this or for that reason shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined on to his wife and they too shall be one flesh same words are recorded Matthew chapter 9 verse 5 and 6 Mark chapter 10 verse 7 through 9 and Ephesians chapter 5 verse 31. God stated in Genesis and repeated in other passages that his purpose for the husband and the wife is to become one flesh one person but he also reveals how that can be achieved and what needs to be done for that to take place. When Adam and Eve were married, the Bible says in Genesis 2, verse 24, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall clave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. But have you ever noticed something remarkable about those words in Genesis chapter 2 verse 24? There's something that stands out. Does anybody know what that might be? Let's read that again. Genesis chapter 2 verse 24. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave on to his wife and they shall be one flesh. Since Adam was the first man, and Eve was the first woman, they are the first married couple. So they had no parents, they had no father, no mother to leave. There was no one for them to leave, but there was someone for them to cleave on to. And therefore this was a lesson they were to teach to their own children. Adam and Eve would soon be parents. And that's amazing because God used their marriage and parenting as an example for all marriages and parenting. God in his wisdom has given his design and purpose for marriage. When one man and one woman marry, They shall be one flesh. They shall become one person. They shall have the same mindset when it comes to my word, my will, and my way. It is no longer two individual people living in the house, rather it's one person. They become one person. And the only way for that to be accomplished, the only way you and your husband will become one person, or you and your wife, is when a man leaves his father and his mother, and he shall cleave on to his wife. Now the lesson and the application is for both, but the focus is upon the man. So the application is for both. The wife or the woman must leave her father and mother and so must the man. But the focus is upon the man because he is the head of the home and he leads by example. He demonstrates to his wife that no one rivals her. No other earthly person or relationship has priority over her. The husband has given his wife an example that she should follow his steps and they become one flesh, one person, having the same mind. Remember, marriage is a picture of the gospel. the union between Christ and the Bridegroom, the Husbandman, and the Wife, the Bride, the Church. They are one in union united. When a sinner is saved by grace, they are brought into union with Christ. to live Christ, to love Christ, to submit to Christ, to serve Christ. No believer lives independently of Christ. The Bible clearly says, you have been bought with a price. You belong to your heavenly Father. You've been saved to do His will. And that's the same as marriage. When you're both brought together, you're both brought to become one. Not just two individual people. You live your life and I live my life. You go about your things and I'll go about my things. It can never be. Without the Lord, we can do nothing. And so whenever a sinner is saved by Christ, that sinner becomes one with Christ, and nothing shall separate that believer from the love of Christ. No man shall pluck him from his hand. And with that in view, we will consider how to become one. And I trust that God will bless and God will undertake his word as we seek to bring this word today. I trust it will be practical. I trust it will be helpful. And like I said, these are things that I've learned from other people. These are things that other people have gone through and these are points that I trust that will be a help both to parents, both to those planning to be married or to those who are soon to be married. We have our Bible verse before us. Genesis chapter 2 verse 24. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall claim unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. Notice first of all that A married man must leave his father and his mother. A married man must leave his father and his mother. Genesis chapter 2 verse 24. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother. As stated, Adam and Eve had no parents. They were the first married couple. They are the first family. unit. The decisions that they made, they made together and for the benefit of each other. There was no other human relationship, father or mother, brother or sister, to consult, to depend upon, to interfere with God, with them fulfilling God's purpose for marriage and doing what God commanded them to do and become one. Yet God with his foreknowledge could see the consequences of man's sin. He knew that Adam's sin would challenge his command and bring pressures into the marriage and hinder two becoming one. You see, unlike Adam and Eve, though through your single years You were under your parents' headship, guardianship, protection. You were under your family as that family unit. But here is the point. When you enter marriage, the marriage bond now becomes first. There is a new bond, a new union, not an add-on to the one with your father and mother. The former supervision responsibilities with parents is now severed and replaced by a new relationship, a new bond, and that is with your spouse. The man who is now the husband and the woman now the wife is no longer bound by the former relationship to their father and their mother. They are now born or bound to a new relationship, a new role and new responsibilities. The husband is now the head of a new home and the wife comes under her husband's protection and provision. The marriage bond takes precedence over every other human relationship. For this reason, what God has put together, let no man put asunder. It is unbreakable. It's not me, my wife and my parents. It's not me, my husband and my parents. It's you and your spouse because that's the one now you've pledged your life to and entered into a covenant bond with the bond that you've had with your parents. as now a married person takes second place. Now that has nothing to do with respect. That has nothing to do with dishonoring parents. Rather, that deals with a relationship, a role, a responsibility that you have now entered into in the presence of God with another person. You've made a covenant with your spouse and the Lord's will is that you and your spouse will be one flesh, one person to carry out his will. That's why Genesis chapter 2 verse 24. Matthew chapter 19 verse 5 and 6, Mark chapter 7, Ephesians chapter 5 verse 31. The word leave means to forsake or to abandon, but it matches the context. The passage is dealing with marriage. It means to leave behind or to depart. Let me change the illustration. When you leave or depart from a place or from a person, it's because you're moving to another place or going to another person. The word leave means the husband's devotion has now moved from his parents to a spouse and he must depart from his parents' watch or supervision to be with his wife. The lesson is not to forsake abandon or cut yourself off from your parents, never to talk to them again. but simply to understand, understand that the relationship, role and responsibilities, they change. The husband and wife must not allow their parents to treat them as if they are still single under their supervision. The wife must recognise that she has a new head and her husband It's her husband, and her husband must understand that he has now a wife to lead in the ways of God. the role and responsibility that you've been given to your wife or by God, not to your mum or to your dad. And it goes both ways. Children, when married, must leave their father and their mother, and mother and father must leave their married child to allow them to start that new life. And for that reason, you'll find in weddings that the father will walk his daughter up the aisle. Now again, depending on different cultures and different marriages in that sense, but generally speaking here in Britain, a father will walk his daughter up the aisle. It's a privilege, it's an honor given to every father who walks his daughter up the aisle. And what is he doing? He walks her up to the aisle and he's handing her over to the person she will now marry to love her, protect her, provide for her, take responsibility for her well-being. But the problem arises when parents don't want to lose control or the supervision over their son or their daughter. or they view their son's or daughter's marriage still as two separate people only living together. They want to tell him or her what to do or how to do this in the home. They still make demands upon their own child even though they've been married. And I think it's worse at the start for newlyweds because some parents have gotten used to the change that marriage brings. Or they haven't gotten used to the change that marriage brings. There are some, I think I fit into that as well, but there are some parents that when their child gets married, They're just not used to that change of marriage. And so they still treat their child, their son or their daughter, as if they are their little child, their little daughter, and make these demands upon them. They don't see them now as my son is now a married man, he's now to lead a family, or my wife is now the husband of that man. for him to provide and take responsibility upon her. Like I said, some parents just can't get used to that change of responsibility and role, and they still like to dictate, to interfere in the marriage. And like I said, many people have testified of that. When that happens, either the wife will speak out, she'll feel neglected, sidelined, second class, or she will suffer in silence. And that is not too becoming one. Oh yes, the husband will move out of his parents' house, but he hasn't left his father or his mother's supervision. they still see him and treat him as their little boy, or they still treat her and see her as their little girl, but they don't see him as a man now leading a family, or their daughter now taking up that responsibility as the wife. Some find it hard to become one because they've never departed from the supervision, the life, the luxuries of their parents. They spend more time in their parents' house than they do in their own house. They spend more time talking to their parents than they do with their own spouse. They allow their parents to dictate, to interfere, to take over, to make arrangements and to say what goes in the marriage. In fact, some marriages are organised around the parents' demands, customs, schedules and feelings. I am speaking here about sickness. I know there are some married couples and they have family members who are not well, they're tending to. That's a separate issue. We're speaking here generally, that you, before you were married, you were under your parents' supervision. responsibilities. Your dad was responsible for you. Your dad, your mum provided for you. Now, you have now come under a new relationship. You have now been married to someone, entered into that marriage. And so you must leave that home of mother and father and now realise that there is that new responsibility. But as I said, there's troubles in marriages because parents won't let the children go. or else children still want to be under mum and dad. Parents at times treat their child as if they are still single and expect them to be at their call and command. Now for some, it may be the in-laws are not saved. Some, it may be they just don't know the scriptural position. and they make their married son or their married daughter feel as if they're dishonouring their parents, or they are ungrateful, or they are unthankful, whenever they are not. I've been there. I know many others who have been there as well. those who are married and I know throughout the series I have used personal illustrations of me and Valentina and that's helped you know that but on this occasion I will not use illustrations regarding other family because I know many of them listen in and I know I have to remember my family are not saved and therefore we have to look at things from a different perspective but the point is I say this here These things are challenging to many, many people. Those who are married, may I say this, must, those who are married, must be more concerned about their spouse's opinions, suggestions, ideas, wants, feelings than their own parents. Those who are married, must always consult with their spouse first on a matter and every other detail in their lives such as changing jobs or of your health changes or even other matters. For example, it would not be wise for you to come home, whether husband to wife or wife to husband and say, dear I'm thinking of giving up work. changing jobs, selling the car, we're going to move house, or I haven't been feeling well lately and I'm going to go and see a doctor. Do you know what? I've spoken to mum and dad about this and they think it's a great idea. I should just go ahead. What do you think? Well, that would not be wise at all to do that. That's not becoming one. The first thing your mom and dad should really be doing is saying to you, have you first spoken to him or her about this? This is a matter for you too. When you, well, we'll not go into that part anyway, but let me just go on. When you have changing news, good news, the best news, your spouse should be the first person to know, not the third, not the fourth. Not someone ringing up saying, oh, congratulations, I've just heard what's happened to your husband or your wife. Oh, what's just happened to them? You haven't left father and mother. Don't look first at what your parents think and then your spouse. Don't agree with what your parents think and then all of a sudden, well, my spouse needs to think like this. If you are not ready to leave your father and your mother, then don't get married. If you're still mummy and daddy's little boy or little girl, then stay under their care because you will not be suited to be someone else's husband or someone else's wife. You will be more concerned what your parents think than your spouse and you will always be under their demands. and always under their control. You have not left father and mother. Also, you haven't left father and mother. If you try to change your spouse to suit them, or keep comparing them to others, don't allow your parents to try and get you to change your spouse. by the way or how they want him or her to be. She should be this, he should be that, he should do more, she should do more. Some parents will never let their children go and some children don't know how to let go. But parents, it's your responsibility to teach your children to leave. Husband and wife, Based on the new relationship that you have entered into, it's your responsibility to leave your father and mother in order to cleave because if you do not leave, you will not be able to cleave. Adam and Eve didn't have a father and a mother to leave. but they had to teach their children whenever they got married to leave father and mother in order to become one flesh, one person. And we see that in gospel lessons. In Christ, the greatest example, he left his father in heaven and came to earth, took our humanity onto his deity to live as a man, to seek out a bride to save her, and for her life he died. He left the house on earth of Mary, his mother, and Joseph, his legal guardian, to go into the cities to preach the word of God. He said unto them, I must be about my father's business. He had to come. to leave in order to cleave on to his bride. He has bought his church on to himself. Now so the picture of the husband and wife becoming one flesh is the picture of Christ and his bride. The church and Christ they are one in union. Secondly, and very briefly to the end of the message, a married man must cleave on to his wife. Genesis chapter 2 verse 24. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave on to his wife and they shall be one flesh. The word cleave means to join together, to unite together, to hold fast, to abide. It literally means to glue one thing together to another. It means to stick together. Therefore, when a husband is married to his wife That relationship, friendship, companionship hardens like glue, that nothing can separate them or come between them. It's solid. Marriage was intended to be unbreakable, a lasting union. Marriage is a choice. You've chosen to marry a particular person. Marriage is companionship as the person you have married is either your best friend or becomes your best friend. Someone to share life with, to talk with, to serve the Lord with, to give yourself to. that you cannot with any other person. Marriage is commitment. You've committed yourself to that one you've married. Marriage is covenantal, that you've made promises, oath, to that person, that no one, not even your parents, your friends, will come between you and your husband, between that union, so you can fulfil those oaths. By marrying that person, you have set the boundary that your husband, your wife, will not allow any to come within that boundary and unsettle the marriage. If your husband ever feels unsettled, insecure, under threat because of another man who doesn't care about boundaries or think he has his own way with you, then you are not doing your husband good, as Proverbs 31 teaches. Now it's the same with you, husband. If your wife feels insecure because of another woman, you're not fulfilling your role. Remember, the goal is one flesh, one person, one mind, unity. But you will have every opposition against God's will for your marriage. Because remember, since the fall of man into sin, from the time the first married couple fell into sin, marriage has been under attack. It has been undermined. It has been redefined. And today people don't know what marriage is or they know nothing of commitment. Today we live in society and you can see it all around you. People do not care about boundaries. We live in a time where there's more unhappy marriages than ever before. The divorce rate has gone up. because God's law has been broken. There's covetousness, adultery, stealing and much more. When someone wants another man's wife or another man's husband and they just make a move and they don't care what damage is caused, even among Christians, you may believe it or not. That's why husbands cleave, and I could use illustrations, I said, but I will not. That's why husbands cleave, cling to your wife. Take hold of her, love her, cherish her, so you shall be one flesh. Let your wife rest in the security of knowing that you belong to her for life. And let your husband be assured that he belongs to you. There is no rival. Again, see the gospel picture. Christ cleaves on to his bride to secure her. He will not share his bride with another. You cannot have God and man. They are united. He will never let his bride go. Christ loves the church with an everlasting love. He gave his life for her and she cleaves on to him. In closing, this same word cleave, it's interesting. Proverbs chapter 18, verse 24. In the Hebrew, it's the same word as you know the first whale. It refers in thinking of Christ in view. There is a friend, now you can help me to help you all stay awake here. You can help me here with the verse if you know it. There's a friend that Yeah, there's a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. And the word sticketh is the word cleave. There's a friend that cleaveth or cleaves closer than a brother. There's one who sticks like glue, a bond between brothers. Again, the same word is used, John 15, only in the Greek, but John 15, verse five. Abide in me, and I in you, as the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide, cleave, sticketh in the vine. No more can ye, except ye abide, cleave, sticketh in me. It's the same word. Ezekiel 16 verse 8, I swear unto thee, the Lord says, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord, and thou becamest mine. What a first that is. What a first that is. You doubt your salvation. You doubt the love of God for you. You doubt what Christ has done for you in taking you on to himself. You turn to Ezekiel 16, verse 8. I swear on to thee, and I've entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord. Thou becamest mine. What a verse that is. You became mine. You belong to me. I will not share you with another. Just as the husband and the wife can say of each other, you're mine and I am yours, Christ and his people can say, he is mine and I am yours to become one. I trust God will bless his word to your hearts. I trust that you will be strengthened in these things. As I said, these are a lot of things that I've learned from people. Things we've maybe experienced ourselves. And there's nothing new under the sun. Every marriage goes through this. Every parent goes through this. It's just how you handle it. What you let happen and what you don't let happen. But the key starts when you obey the Bible. Therefore shall a husband leave his father and his mother and Cleve and his wife and they shall be one flesh. Though I trust that God will